Okay so I just checked my follower count and I’m actually already close to 600 followers now?? like..I know there are blogs with way more followers but you don’t even know what this means to me !! ;o;
I’m actually a little ball of anxiety but being able to communicate with you all makes me feel very blessed to have such nice followers. Even if we don’t talk, I appreciate just seeing you like or reblog my blog’s posts!
Anyway, I’m rambling too much again so– Thank you so much everyone, keep being awesome and remember to worship our holy gods, mikleo and sorey
oh my gosh, i have to go to bed now because i have to be up early because i’m getting a motherfucking tattoo tomorrow! woooooooo! okay. i’m calm. it’s fine. i love you all so much! i hope you have good days and nights and mornings and second breakfasts and all that! stay beautiful and be kind!
Everything is so fucking weird. We have 1 in the morning and I’m lying in my motel bed, next to my snoring father, and I should actually be asleep right now because I have to get up early tomorrow (today) but my head is so full of stuff I have to get out somehow. So I’m lying in this stupid motel bed and its too warm and I’m scared my dad will wake up any moment and tell me to go to sleep but I need to write this down because I really don’t know what else to do with myself and I just texted my best friend this mess of feelings that I’m having, or actually just the short version but hes on the other side of the world and can’t help me with anything, can’t even make fried potatoes with me and drink wine or hug me (thats kind of our thing, the fried potatoes and wine I mean, not really the hugging, its still nice sometimes though) and I don’t even know if he realizes that hes my best friend cause I never actually told him (just one time when I was very drunk and he just reacted weird because I was drunk) but ever since he lend me the money for the bus that one time like four year ago when I forgot my busticket hes just kinda been there and even tho he really annoyed me at first hes so important to me now and I hate to see how much his girlfriend hurts him and I don’t even know why I’m talking about him now. Everything is such a mess, I’m feeling everything and nothing at once and I should be so excited to be here and travel and see so many things but Im not, i’m just sad and numb, have been since new york, which was only like three days ago but it feels so far away now. Ny was quite of a downer anyway, probably because I was so excited to go and expected so much but it just wasn’t that, THAT, and I was so disappointed, I never allow myself to look forward to anything and expect anything, exactly because of that, but of course, that one time I was excited I got disappointed, that is literally my life in a nutshell. And my girlfriend is having such a rough time, she and her mum are moving out of her mums creepy ex lovers flat in one day without him knowing and its all so much for her and Im just here at the other end of the world not really being able to help and sure, i’ll be back on monday but I don’t even know how i can help when i’m back home and back around her. Speaking of home on monday, i’m starting a new school year and all the pressure that I got rid of over the holidays will be there all of a sudden again and i will see the person again that triggered this weird well of feelings overflowing (not my best friend, another friend, maybe ex friend, I hope still friend) but she didn’t do anything wrong, I did everything wrong and today, almost six weeks later I finally apologized because I am just in the mood for fixing things and I think about telling my best friend that I think of him as my best friend and I’m thinking about telling my girlfriend I love her because honestly all things are just so ephemeral and who knows when I’ll see her the next time and if things will be between us like this one month from now and I know, KNOW i love her and even though she already said she loves me when she was very drunk and I said I love you back because I was equally drunk I’m fearing rejection, same with my best friend, same with my friend, maybe ex friend, i hope still friend, same with really everything in my life. When I walked home alone from a music festival in a city I’m in maybe once or twice a year, surrounded by drunk people who didn’t know me and will never see me again I couldn’t even bring myself to raise my hand and give someone a highfive which is honestly stupid why would I fear rejection with something like that but I gave a guy the bread to my vegan chili because I am gluten intolerant and didn’t want to throw it away and he took it and ate it and it felt like a triumph even though it was really just me giving a stranger some bread I would have thrown away otherwise. I felt so alive in that crowd, so happy but at the same time i wanted to cry. When I was home I actually did cry a bit and watched an anime about volleyball gays then. It always ends like this, doesn’t it?