okay-im-ready-to-go-back-now

"I am a believer in not repeating yourself too much as an artist. I think it’s a shame if you make the same kind of stuff over and over, even if you love it."

Frustration

A/N: Hey guys so I decided I was gonna postthis after all bc I was rereading it and I just felt really proud of it so I hope you guys like it!

 

Summary:

Jude’s frustrated.

It’s his junior year of high school and he’s been in love with his best friend for what feels like forever. He knows Connor loves him back, so rejections not the problem; it’s just the way to go about it. They’ve gotten use to ignoring their feelings, so now that they’ve gotten to the point where they want to talk about it they don’t know how and Jude feels likes he’s going to explode.

This shouldn’t be this hard, it’s just talking. Him and Connor talk all the time so why does this conversation have to be so difficult?



If Jude weren’t such an idiot, he might just have had the courage to ask him out. He was right in front of him for Christs sake all he had to do was open his mouth and say a few words, it shouldn’t be this hard. 


Connor stood next to the shorter brunette, talking a mile a minute as he got his books out of his locker. He was going on and on about the new Avengers movie and as awesome as the movie sounded, Jude couldn’t bring himself to actually pay attention to his best friend. All he wanted to do was lean over and shut him up in the best possible way.


It wasn’t that Jude was afraid of rejection, no he knew Connor liked him in a romantic way. It was fairly obvious that both boys had feelings for the other just by the way that they looked at each other. The teenagers had just got so use to ignoring it in middle school that when they finally got to the point where they wanted to address it, they couldn’t.


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i just realized if vriska never died she never got to date dead john and find out that relationship didnt work, She would never meet meenah ((at least not in how we saw her)), She would never become a dead body to explode as tavrisprite, and most importantly TAVROS WOULD NEVER GET TO FLIP HER OFF AND FLY AWAY INTO THE SUNSET.

michaelclitsfford asked:

im so sorry baby :(( but this isn't the end!!! hes prolly gonna take a year off and then they're all going to do solo projects until they're all okay and come back together!! i know it doesn't make it any better for now, but just be strong okay baby??? i wish i could give you all the hugs you deserve but in the meantime I'm just here for whatever you need

Thank you ily, and I hope somehow they make it back together I’m just not ready for this to be the end

i talked to h and i think i can let it go now. im sorry i didnt accept your apologies. i didnt realize you were ready to move on. i thought you were still gonna be my friend back then. but i still dont think i ever will accept them but lets just not talk okay. i love you but i dont want you in my life right now. im sorry for everything ive ever done wrong. goodbye.

richmond isn’t home anymore. its sad but there’s nothing here. and its really flat. and its considered okay to not exercise. ew.


its a nice place to visit now, but im ready to go back

Please. I need someone. I need someone who will walk up to me and slap me in the face and hug me. I need someone who won’t let me back out of my problems. Someone who will not let me walk into tomorrow not knowing if im going to be okay or not.

Any volunteers?

Didn’t think so. I’d rather it stay that way anyway. I’m too immature to move on. And by immature I mean depressed. It’s gone. It’s all gone. Everything that I had. I never understood what my life was until this. Thank you. You have shown me much. I understand many things now. I am ready. But alas. The time has come, have I realized too late? Perhaps there is still time. I will wait. I will wait this painstakingly long period of time. I hope I am not left hanging. Hanging by the rope I spun for myself from the beginning. The rope that is made from the fibers of “Its all my fault.” The rope is around my neck. All I need now is for someone to kick the chair, that is if I don’t jump off first. I wish that people actually did care. People weren’t just out for themselves. I wish people were out for everyone else. I try my hardest, my absolute hardest to live that. I want to be the person that inspires people live that way. But I need it. I want it all back. I can’t go on…

It hurts so bad. I find myself mouthing or even enunciating words to myself. Hoping no one is near, as I cannot stop the babbling brook that is my brain. It says what it knows I need to hear. But it does no good. Nothing will ever get better for me. When they say my time is up, it is. I remember now. They said this Friday didn’t they. I warned but now I am here. It is Sunday. I may end it all here because I can’t. Monday will hurt more that blades. More than the rope. But Monday may hurt less. Perhaps I should wait. I hope I do, but I hope I don’t. This pain is so… So… Exquisite.

I hope no one reads any of this but at the same time I do. I need someone… Someone who cares. I’m only joking of course. There is only one thing I need and they are balancing my beautiful house of cards on their shoulders. Cards are falling everywhere and I can’t even get close enough to pick them up, let alone fix them. Excuses, excuses. Just another great way to fall away and disregard, dehumanize people. All I can do is wait. Wait and hope. But hope hurts. So does waiting. I don’t want to wait. I cannot wait. I guess that is my conclusion.

Perhaps this dust I have become will blow away and join the others. I am sorry.

I’m like so pissed off right now. Went to a convenience store and this guy was like ‘ya five cents for gummy worms’ **he had an accent** and I was ‘okay cool’ so I go and shovel a decent amount of gummy worms into the bag, and let me tell you this place screamed sketchy so like you had to ask for bags and shovel it in w ur hands, now back to the story. So I went up to the register all ready to pay, and he’s like ‘how many?’ And I’m like ‘what? Isn’t this five cents??’ And he’s like ‘OHHH NO, five cents for one worm’ aND IM JUST LIKE HELL TO THE NO YOU COULDNT HAVE TOLD ME THAT WHEN I WAS SHOVELLING THE WORMS IN THE GOSH DARN BAG?!!?!?!!?!111 so we had to take the worms out of the bag (ON THE FUGHFHEH COUNTER) and count them. There was thirty one. He says to me ‘ya that’ll be over five dolla’ so I’m like oh then I don’t want to pay for that… (They’re fricken stale) so I literally paid 25cents and he gave me four liKE NOOO I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET FIVE BITCH so i now hate convenience stores and I will never go to one again. That is my rant of the night. Adiós