I wish you would write a fic where.... fruit. Cakes. Fruit and cakes. Fruitcakes? WAIT....
AEARYN I KNOW THIS IS YOU.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away there lived a tiny little bald emperor man with a metal arm. He led a sad, tasteless existence, because he lived on a giant swamp and thought weird ass tomatoes with trees growing out of them, giant centipedes, and deformed chickens were acceptable food.
[Authorial Sidenote: Pictoral Evidence
Doesn’t that look delicious?]
Anyway, a bunch of stuff happened, he threw this lady in carbonite, forgot to lock his front door five years later and then everything went to hell. He lost his favorite wall hanging, lost his favorite chair, even lost his empire. It was sad. Vry vry sad. He couldn’t even eat his weird ass tomatoes anymore. What was a former emperor to do?
Well, luckily he made
friends acquaintances with the folks he was trying to kill. They welcomed him with open arms, and a mountain of fruitcake. For the first time in his life, he tasted FLAVOR, real flavor! Unfortunately he didn’t realize that the flavor he was tasting was “bad”, and he gorged himself on the hated confectionary and gave himself a stomach ache. Luckily the Alliance Commander had also stocked up on Tums, so everyone lived happily ever after.
THE END – or something like that