okay this is the last one i quit i retire

im bad at making connections

i quit my modelling agency a while ago and ive been out of the business for a while. during this time ive stopped caring about what i ate or how much i exercised, but i never made the connection that it was probably because i wasnt doing any modelling and didnt HAVE to care. my thighs started touching and i no longer have abs as defined as they used to be and i felt SO OKAY with that…

i was asked to do a local show and i figured itd be my last one before i officially retire. it wasnt until the rehearsal last night that i started becoming really self conscious and angry at my body…

i never thought that modelling negatively effected my mental health. i always had fun and thought i was pretty good at it. i didnt realize how much i hate myself until im put in a spotlight with a bunch of other people who look 1000 times better than i ever will