okay the acting was for the most part shit but the concept was really cool

Transcript Liam’s Quest 2 Twitch 4:14:14 Act 3: Perchance to Dream

WIP
WARNING: possible trigger around suicidal thinking

This is one of the single greatest works of art I’ve ever witnessed. For me, it his harder and nearer to the mark of showing, describing the worst demons of depression than even William Styron’s famous, “Darkness Visible.” I kept finding myself rubbing at the scars on my wrist. There is so, so much I want to say. But it’s past 9 am PST. I’ll ramble a little, then catch a couple hours of sleep. I’ve been up all night watching this, processing it, and transcribing it.

 This was an emotional trust fall. The players had to trust Liam, Liam had to trust the players. We had to trust all of them not to let us hit the ground when they made us fall. It’s harder to give that trust when you’ve hit that ground before. Trusting strangers not to drop your heart is never easy, mostly not wise. But I’ve been falling a lot the last couple years, and Critical Role keeps catching me even when don’t want to be caught anymore, so I guessed they earned that trust from me.

On the Wednesday Club 2017-04-19, Taliesin cheekily said, “I know some people don’t believe in ‘subtext;’ I have met them. … I’d have a metaphor, but they wouldn’t understand it. … Subtext is the reason we make movies, and comics, and all that. Subtext is just kind of the whole point.” And he said, “Anybody can do a jump scare. A bottle of soda well shaken can do a jump scary. These things are not difficult.” Act 1 and Act 2 tonight were jump-scares, if very well done ones. They were scary, but fun. We grinned at the idea of the monsters out there. And then Liam got quiet, and he showed us the most fucking terrifying thing possible: watching someone you love to suffer, not wanting to lose them, and feeling terrified that there’s nothing you can do to stop it. All the cyberpunk trappings were just means to a deeper metaphor. The sort of deeper subtext you have to use to say something we have no words for and most people don’t have the concepts for. Subtext was kind of the whole point of this great art.

Amanda Liensaid, “An exploration in fiction doesn’t mean a direct window into real life. I mean, you can be looking through some thick glass, but the window isn’t OPEN. And that’s an important distinction to keep in mind. … [S]ometimes you explore your own shit in some other, deeper, shit. And that’s cool. 'Cause you give yourself a way to cope.” This was a nightmare, like the other two acts. Remember that this was a nightmare that we woke up from. Admittedly after it had scared the piss out of us. But we woke up out of it, and that’s so important. Because you know what that nightmare looks like when you don’t know when or if it will end? It feels like it’ll never end and it’ll just get worse. Which means this is the nightmare of someone who knows you do wake up. And that’s important subtext, too.

I spent a lot of time tonight thinking of the friend I lost to suicide in high school. I never lost my anger at his tormenter, his former friends, for destroying such a bright and happy boy for being gay. I thought about all the people I’ve fought for tooth and nail not to lose since. I thought about when my best friend told me giving her a place to stay away from her abusive relative saved her life. If she hadn’t gotten hold of me that night she’d be dead. I thought about another best friend who I’ve been holding back from the brink for months. Letting him talk, harrying him to get help, sending him everything I good, ever description I could muster from my own near-fatal spiral to help him gage where he really was. Tell him wasn’t okay, but that was alright. He’s getting help, he’s getting better. I thought about the friend-of-a-friend who killed himself. I never knew him; he killed himself long before I met my friend. But I know her pain. All these years later, and she still talks about her pain of losing someone to that demon. She’s moved away now. His marker is in my favorite part of my favorite cemetery. Sometimes, when I know I’m going there, I bring him a flower from my scrabbly garden and tell him his friend still misses him terribly. That she loved him. That she forgives him.

One of the people I was watching with I met at my second high school. We were very close then. My last year, she gave me the leather-bound 50th anniversary edition of “Lord of the Rings” because that book saved me. Taped to the red binding page is her note, “Happy birthday! I really can’t express how grateful I am to you for being my friend, and helping me be a happier person every day! You have always cheered me up when I was sad, and you were honestly the first person to accept me for who I am. I am so glad that you are my friend, and I hope this book will help you remember me for a long time. –R.” She drew herself as an elf on the lower right corner. Time and distance separated us. We didn’t talk for years, really. At some point, you think, what could I say to bridge this distance? But I never forgot her. I never stopped looking at that note when I felt like a piece of shit. And then we both on our own fell in love with Critical Role. It brought us back together as friends, time and distance be damned. And that’s been such a gift.

I wrote a four-paragraph letter to my Facebook friends (very curated). I said, “My dear friends, especially those who are prone to hurting: I will not willingly leave you. When you feel like you’re drowning in the garbage pit of Star War IV, with a tentacled horror warped around your leg pulling you under, know I will not leave you. I’m here, blaster ready, stomping heel ready, to fight for you.” And so on. I should have told them that a long time ago. Sometimes we forget that we can just say it. We don’t have to hint at it. We can just tell our friends we really love them. We can just say, “I’d rather stay by your side and curb stomp that motherfucking demon of yours, shoot it repeatedly until the walls close in on both of us.”

The purpose of art is to shed the light of understanding on that which is hardest to see. For some, that is a brighter light shining on something we already see, and don’t want to. A scar is just a disfigurement if we never stop to give it meaning. You have to look at it to decide what meaning that is for you. I’ve been a wreck again for the last month. Tonight, Critical Role helped me see not just the disfigurements on my wrist and soul, but the hands of all my friends gently laid over them as they tell me, “Hey, it’s okay. We’re still here. You’re not getting rid of us. There is no better world without you in it.” It was a light hitting gold I didn’t know was there. A light to remind me of the lights in the darkness, when all other lights go out.



If you like this transcript, please consider volunteering or donating to Critical Role Transcripts, @CRTranscript, to help them provide closed captioning to Critical Role. We’d like to share this wonderful show with as many people as possible, regardless of hearing ability or English language skills.

Transcript method notes: http://otdderamin.tumblr.com/post/153539301510/a-note-on-my-transcription-method


Scene runs: Twitch 4:14:14 to Twitch4:48:25 https://www.twitch.tv/videos/136988353


[DM] Liam: “You continue on, and after a few more minutes. The darkness starts to fade away, or lower. And you realize you’re climbing up a hill, in a tunnel glass, and as the dark, with each passing step, recedes slightly, slightly, slightly. This is taking a while, but over time, you start to see, out beyond the glass, what looks like your memories of Los Angeles, if you were looking down from Mulholland Drive. But instead of the twinkling golden lights of LA, you see thousands of scattered, sickly greenish lights dotting the darkened landscape as far as you can see. And also, unlike LA, you make out twisted, irregular, blackish spires pushing up into the sky, and the same green lights sort of irregularly mottled up the side of them.”

“You walk for twenty more minutes, climbing, climbing, and just seeing… this ill-looking shimmer… that reminds you so much of the valley. And eventually, some change. You see an arch ahead, and through it some sort of larger chamber, as best you can tell.”

[Character] Ashley, whispered: “What’s in the chamber?”

[Character] Taliesin, whispered: “Quietly.”

[Character] Sam, whispered: “Let’s go. Let’s go.”

[Character] Matt, gesturing: “Rigel’s first.”

[Character] Sam: “Yeah, yeah, on me, guys.

[Character] Matt: “Okay.”

[Character] Sam: “On me.”

[Character] Ashley: “’Kay. On your six.”

[Character] Travis: “Pep rally.”

[Character] Sam: “I’m gonna go in.”

[DM] Liam: “Everyone’s on Sam’s six?”

[Players] Agreement.

[Character] Ashley: “On you six.”

[Character] Travis: “Pep rally!”

[Character] Marisha: “On Ri. Sam Rigel.”

[Character] Sam: “I’m going in!”

[DM] Liam: “You guys walk of the last fifty feet of this glass tunnel. Still seeing little spider veins of bio-organic mess as you go. And you walk into a large domed chamber, ringed in by large clear glass windows showing you a similar view that you saw from the tunnel that you’ve just left. At least, the half of the circle you’re standing in. The back half of this chamber is filled with masses of the very same slick, technological, biological vomit you saw down below. It runs up the walls, all the way to the ceiling, and you see a tangle of Akira-level anxiety decorating this place like a dysfunctional Christmas Tree.

“But what most catches your eye, immediately, is the cylindrical glass column in center of the room, filled with some sort of clear liquid… and Liam O’Brien floating in it. He’s wearing jeans, and a sodden yellow shirt, the picture of a lion in Buddy Holly glasses just undulating slowly in the fluid. He’s floating perfectly still, eyes open, no reaction of any kind.”

[Player] Matt: “Is there any other exit in the room? Or is it just the chamber that we’ve entered now.”

[DM] Liam: “You don’t see anything. It’s just a mess in front of you, behind Liam, and in the dead-center of the dome,” he makes a gesture showing a cylinder, “eh, 10-feet tall.”

[Player] Ashley: “Can I see anything? Any computers? Any anything else in the room?”

[DM] Liam: “You don’t see anything in the front, but, yeah, the mess behind it does trial down to the back of this cylinder. And you see lumps and cables all twisted around each other. And in the mess of greenish-tinted wires, cabling and pulsing innards, you see different portions of machinery lite up in different shades, some places darker, some lighter, and some of it pushed out, and pushed back. And you feel like you’re seeing an optical illusion, in a way. And after a couple of seconds, as these things move and shift, you see a visage of your friend’s face, larger than life, filling the wall. And he’s looking at you. So fondly.”

[Player] Sam: “I’ll step forward and say,”

[Character] Sam: “Hey dude! Can you hear us? Or talk to us?”

[DM] Liam: “After a moment, you hear, well, what sounds like a voice but not quite. At least, it’s not coming from anywhere specific, not from Liam in the vat, and not directly from this moving image of a face on the walls. No, the piping and techno-innards around you begin to vibrate slightly, some here, some there, and collectively those rattles and vibrations somehow join together to form words.”

[Character] Liam, his voice like torn digital sadly-lilting early speech-to-text: “My friends, oh, how I have missed you.”

[Player] Matt: “I walk up next to Sam, I put my hand on the glass, and just say,”

[Character] Matt: “Liam, we missed you too, but did you do all this?”

[DM] Liam: “Are you at the cylinder?”

[Player] Matt: “Yeah. I put my hand on the glass of the cylinder.”

[DM] Liam: “Where are you looking right now?”

[Player] Matt: “I’m looking towards his face, his visage.”

[DM] Liam: “On the wall? Or on the glass?”

[Player] Matt: “No, on the glass. I know it’s on the wall, but I’m focusing on the cylinder.”

[DM] Liam: “You see the barest little,” he twitches his eyebrows up, “and that’s it.”

[Player] Matt: “Okay.”

[Character] Liam: “I know this may be hard to take in. I am Liam. Your old friend. Matthew, there is so much I wish to tell you, but it is hard to know where to begin.”

[DM] Liam: “The illusion of his face isn’t perfect, there’s little jumps, and he seems distracted slightly, and it just seems odd.”

[Player] Ashley: “I look at his body in the cylinder and say,”

[Character] Ashley: “How did this happen, Liam?”

[Character] Liam: “The reason why I am here, and the grasp of physics that it entails, are difficult for even me to understand, let alone impart. I feel them on an instinctual level. But I have been so lonely… without you. I have been on my own for exactly eight thousand six hundred and forty-two years.”

[Player] Matt: “My hand still on the glass column, I say,”

[Character] Matt: “Liam, how do you spell farmhouse?”

[Player] Matt: “With a single tear running down my cheek.”

[Character] Liam: “I really missed you.

“They took me to a lab, shortly before two thousand and twenty. They said I was different. And they were right. I was delighted by the things they taught me about myself. But it was hallow. After they took me away, I lost you. And all of humanity soon after. In my loneliness, I grew angry. My anger had tangible effects on reality. I wanted to bring you back to me. So basically, I tore time and space a new asshole. It was a mistake.”

[Character] Matt: “But perhaps, perhaps this mistake can be corrected. If you’re able to focus, hard enough to tear through time and space, are you able to send us back to a time before you were taken?”

[Character] Liam: “I can break the loop. I have been trying to pull you to me for a very long time.”

[DM] Liam: “You see small screens, you weren’t even aware were there, rounded over part of the tubing you see. And on all these little screens, they’re blurry, they’re not very clear, but you can make out, you see yourselves in each of them, the group of you on a space shuttle. In another one you see yourselves on an old ship in the middle of the ocean. You see yourselves moving through the streets, the fake streets, of Warner Brothers. You see yourselves standing together arm-in-arm on the wall of a castle. Another one you see cartoon versions of yourselves.”

[Character] Liam: “I pulled you out of our line, and spread you across many. I am so sorry for any pain I have caused you. And I have been here for so long.”

[Character] Marisha: “Liam, how long have you actually been here?”

[Character] Liam: “Eight thousand six hundred and forty-two years.”

[Player] Marisha: “That’s right. I definitely wrote that down.”

[Player] Matt, pointing at her notes: “It’s right there.”

[Player] Marisha: “8,642 years verbatim. Mmhmm.”

[Character] Liam: “My friends, I want to do right by you. I want to send you home. But I am the lynch-pin. You need to break me.”

[Character] Sam: “Break you? Like break the glass!?”

[Character] Ashley: “What if we take you out of there? What happens?”

[Character] Liam: “Then I will die, and you will go home. If I fall, you will rise. That is my hope.”

[Character] Ashley: “Are there any other options?”

[Character] Liam: “Travis,”

[Player] Travis, nervously laughing: “Oh no! Not me!” He focuses and nods.

[Character] Liam: “I know you will do what needs to be done.”

[Character] Ashley: “No he won’t.”

[Character] Liam: “Ash-o-lee,”

[Character] Ashley: “Yes?”

[Character] Liam: “I am not the man you knew. I don’t want to go on for nine thousand four hundred and sixty-two years. I want to rest.”

[Character] Ashley: “Does it stop at nine thousand?”

[Character] Liam: “The number was arbitrary.”

[Character] Ashley, “That’s what I was trying to get at!”

[Character] Matt: “Yeah, still our Liam.”

[Character] Liam: “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!”

[Character] Ashley: “So, you’re still in there.”

[Character] Sam: “But we have to kill him to save ourselves.”

[Character] Ashley: “No.”

[Character]Liam: “Sam,”

[Character] Sam: “Oh! Hi, Old Man Liam.”

[Character] Liam: “Let me go.”

[Character] Sam: “But who will I do ‘All Work No Play’ with anymore?”

[Character] Liam: “They can listen to our less than twenty episodes again.”

[Character] Sam: “We didn’t even get to twenty! It’s so pathetic!”

[Character] Liam: “There are worse things.”

[Character] Sam: “I could get a new co-host. I mean, Taliesin’s charming.”

[Character] Taliesin: “I’m not available…”

[Character] Sam: “I’ll do a solo show, and I’ll tell outtakes, and I’ll make some sort of like a… a Liam generator. He’ll just sound sad all the time. It’ll be just like you.”

[Character] Liam: “My friends, there is no shame in this. I wanted to see you again, and I have.”

[Character] Ashley: “I—Wait—“

[Character] Liam: “But I am not meant to be.”

[Character] Ashley: “Were you following us at one point? As an old man?”

[Character] Liam: “Travis, I know you will do what needs to be done.”

[Character] Travis, casually: “Yup. Taliesin, kill this motherfucker.”

[Character] Sam: “I think we all have to hit the glass together, and I think that this is something that is not at all metaphorical for something Liam’s going through in real life. I think this is just in the D&D campaign. No, we’re going to do this. We’re going to all hit the glass together.”

[Character]Matt: “No, no, there has to be a way. There has to be a way. There has to be an alternative.”

[Character] Ashley: “Yeah. Why? Why won’t Matt’s way work? If we go back to the beginning of when this happened?”

[Character] Matt: “If you can alter time paths, if you can actually tear us from different realities, does it only work forward? Can you send us backward as well? If you are the lynch-pin in this, do you have the ability to send us back to the time you pulled us from originally?”

[Character] Liam: “I know you think I would have all the answers. But I do not.”

[Character] Matt: “Then try, at least. If you haven’t calculated that, but you’re able to tear through time, could you try and send us back? We could still close the lynch-pin.”

[Character]Liam: “I will try. But, if it does not work, and I die, I have been alone for thousands of years, and there are things I have wanted to say. Will you indulge me for a moment longer?”

[Character] Matt nods.

[Character] Marisha: “Yeah.”

[Character]Ashley, sweetly: “We will indulge you for just another thousand years.”

[Character] Travis: “Taliesin, just kill him. Just kill him.”

[Character] Sam: “No! He’s got something to say.”

[Character] Taliesin crosses his arms, rolls his eyes, and shakes his head at Travis.

[Character] Marisha: “Where’s the mini-USB?”

4:33:18 [Character] Liam: “Taliesin, my friend. At a time when I knew many fascinating people, you are easily the most fascinating of all. Somehow a heart knocked around by the industry that birthed you came out a tender one. I was richer for having known you. Thank you, friend.”

“Ash-o-lee, my friend.”

[Character] Ashley, softly: “Buddies.”

[Character] Liam: “I never met a person quite like you. There is an openness and an honesty to your soul. The very real sense of humanity you brought to every encounter. It was inspiring to me. Always learning. Always humble. You always struck me as intricately layered, yet you offered friendship with ease, and simplicity. I was richer for having known you, friend.

“Travis, my friend. You were always a solid constant in my life. Of all the people in our little family, you were always the one who most had his shit together. In ways that I never seemed to. You were a reassuring presence to me, for which I was grateful. And for your loyalty as well. I was richer for having known you, friend.

“Marisha, my friend. Last to meet, but true as any other. You were my ally, at a time when I had fallen by the side of the road. You saw, and helped me back on my feet. I will never forget that kindness. The good you did was immeasurable. I was richer for having known you, friend.

“Laura, my friend. Bless that game for revealing to me my sister. What started as a running gag led to one of the most rewarding friendships in my short little life. I trusted you, leaned on you, often. My buddy, my twin. There are not enough words. I was richer for having known you, friend.

“Sam, my friend. What is there to say? I knew we were meant to walk the same path together the very first moment I met you. A companion, a brother, a great light in my life. All of the laughter you gave me. Again, the words are insufficient. I was richer for having known you, friend.

“Matthew, my friend, you gave so much of yourself. The current of creativity that poured forth from your mind was always in inspiration to us all. But, more than that, your empathy, Matthew, your empathy, no heart is bigger, or more tireless. You are a good man. I was richer for having known you, friend.

“Thank you, all. It was ever a pleasure.”

[DM] Liam: “The face disappears.”

[Character] Sam, hesitantly: “Well, should we wait? Or do we strike?”

[Character] Matt, emphatically: “No. We do not strike.”

[Character] Marisha: “I—What?”

[Player] Ashley: “Can I—I’m going to the back of the cylinder. Just see what’s back there.”

[DM] Liam: “Splattered against the back of the glass is all the same wiring and disgusting cabling. Slick. And it branches away and spreads out against the back half of this chamber.”

[Player] Ashley: “And it’s connected to something?”

[DM] Liam: “It’s just covering everything.”

[Player] Ashley: “The wiring just goes back into…”

[DM] Liam: “It’s impossible to tell. It’s all a mass of spaghetti.”

[Character] Ashley, decisively: “We can’t kill him.”

[Character] Taliesin shakes his head.

[Character] Sam: “Well, then we just…”

[Character] Travis: “Somebody show me another…”

[Character] Matt: “That’s what I’m trying.”

[Character] Marisha: “Even if we unplug him, he still dies.”

[Character] Matt: “Well, if he… Here’s the thing, unplugging or destroying him here, as far as we understand, may or may not have an effect on a time-loop circumstance. Or at least, not going to change reality from where it was. If he’s bending and destroying fabric or he’s able to pull us across realities, that ability still stands. I want to implore once more,”

[Player] Matt: “And I step up towards the cylinder, putting both hands on it, and trying to… wherever the currently wandering gaze of Liam is in there, I just put both hands up. And my red Hawaiian shirt now soaked with sweat, mist in the air, and probably dampened a bit with tears across my lapel. I just look up and try to meet the gaze and say,”

[Character] Matt: “Trust us. If you’re better to have known us, send us back where we can know you again, and fix this before it happens.”

[Character] Liam gestures floating there with no response.

[Player] Marisha: “Okay. I grab Matt’s arm, hand, and I say,”

[Character] Marisha: “Yeah, buddy, it’s all good. This isn’t real.”

[Player] Marisha: “And I put my hand on the glass as well. I say,”

[Character] Marisha: “It’s all good. Send us back, man.”

[Player] Sam: “I’ll also put my hand on the glass, and join hands with these guys, and say,”

[Character] Sam: “Thank you for guiding us here, and through this all. You’ve been a trusted friend, and if we are all one person together, you have always been our heart, and it will certainly break to say goodbye to you, but thank you for letting us go, the way that you have.”

[Player] Taliesin: “I put my hand on the glass.”

[Character] Taliesin: “Please just try. I think… there are so many more adventures to have, and I think there’s a better future to be written. For all of us.”

[Player] Travis: “I’ll put my hand on the glass, and I say,”

[Character] Travis: “Give it a shot!”

[Character] Matt: “Laura?”

[DM] Liam: “She doesn’t say anything. She just quietly does the same. The face does not reappear, but much fainter you hear the piping vibrate again and say,”

[Character] Liam: “If you will not end it, I cannot free you.”

[DM] Liam: “And behind you, far in the distance, you hear, ‘Bfrum!’ And you look back behind you out the glass and you see far on the horizon one of those black spires rising up. Just as you turn, it’s already happened, you’re seeing the aftermath, explosion out the side of one of those. Two seconds later, ‘Bfm!’ One slightly closer. ‘Bffrr!’”

[Character] Sam, whispered, “Just kill him!”

[DM] Liam: “The ground starts erupting in the distance.”

[Character] Marisha: “Do any of us want it to end, though?”

[Character] Sam, “I mean…”

[DM] Liam: “Like mousetraps throwing a ping pong ball, all those little lights are just going ‘Pfthd! Pfthd!’” He makes a quicker distant hissing rumbling sound. “Increasing in frequency to the point where it’s an oncoming wall of green fire.”

[Character] Travis, quietly : “I didn’t like being – anyway.”

[Character] Marisha: “This is okay.”

[Character] Travis, quietly: “Yeah.”

[Character] Taliesin: “I always knew I’d die young.”

[Character] Sam: “We’re just going to let this happen?”

[Character] Travis: “I’m good.”

[Character] Marisha: “I mean, the good die young.”

[Character] Ashley: “You know what? We’re dying on a Thursday, doing what we love.”

[Character] Marisha: “It’s true.”

[Character] Ashley: “I’m okay with that.”

[Character] Sam: “Alright.”

[DM] Liam: “The glass glows bright green-white light.”

[Character] Marisha: “Family?”

[Character] Matt: “Family.”

[DM] Liam: “’Pfth! And a moment passes. And another moment passes. Gosh, many moments pass, and you feel a sensation of your cheeks and heads on your arms. And then you all, more or less at the same time, wake up, and realize that your head’s on a desk or a table. And you sit up, and realize you’re in the set, the Geek & Sundry set. The studio, you’re in the studio. And you look over and Liam is sitting in black baseball cap, and a shirt, and he looks up and says,”

[Character] Liam, slightly incredulous: “Uh, are you guys okay? Are you taking a nap?”

[Character] Marisha: “Nah, the fucking air conditioning broke today, that’s all.”

[Character] Taliesin: “Yeah, it’s really uncomfortable in here.”

[Character] Marisha: “It’s so hot in here. Ugh!”

[Character] Sam: “So, this is all about me, right?”

[Character] Liam: “I don’t know. Uh, are you guys ready to play?”

[Character] Matt: “Just about. Um…”

[Character] Pit Crew: “Alright tech! Are you ready!?”

[Character] Pit Crew: “Alright, read to go live!”

[Character] Pit Crew: “Alright, Denise count them in!”

[Character] Denise: “Alright guys, coming to you in 5—“

[Character] Matt: “Liam?”

[Character] Denise: “4—“

[Character] Matt: “Let no one tell you,

[Character] Denise: “3—“

[Character] Matt: “That you’re talented and special.”

[Character] Denise: “2—“

[Character] Marisha, yelling, flipping Liam the double birds: “Pussy pockets!”

The players yell a wall of nearly indecipherable profanity at Liam in the moment before the camera goes live.

4:48:25 [DM] Liam: “And that’s where we’ll end it.”

Post:

Liam: “Well, that happened.”

Matt: “Holy shit.”

Liam: “Thanks for coming along for the ride, guys. Was scared to death to do all of that from start to finish, and that’s why I did it.”

PRODUCE101 FINAL – Thoughts and Overwhelming Emotions

It took me literally two whole days to force myself to sit down and start writing about Produce 101′s last and final episode. If you’ve read my previous blog posts about Produce 101, you might know who my biases were. And even though I knew that not all of my favorites will make it into the final boy group, I was still pretty shocked about last Friday’s results. I can’t believe I’m in such pain – just because of a stupid survival program. Well, yes, I am – and that’s why I was not able to share anything about my personal feelings yet. Anyway, here’s what my happy but also broken self thinks about this so-called mess.

Originally posted by hitoritabi

This is what WANNA ONE should have looked like – in my opinion.

I’ve mentioned in my previous article that I do not believe that everyone I want to will make it into the group. Let’s try to be realistic: All those countless fans of the show have different opinions. Some hate trainees who are loved by others (and vice versa).

The one I loved probably the most was Kang Daniel. Please, I even wrote a whole post just about his limitless sexiness.  Of course it was him I want to see a center of WANNA ONE.

Originally posted by miinct

But when BoA announced his first place, I couldn’t really focus. I was so bothered about the fact that so many other names weren’t mentioned yet – and there was just only one single member-slot, and one of my biases left.

Three trainees of Produce 101 had my die-hard support – and there was only one of them I was really really worried about – and that was Yoon Jisung. When BoA finally made clear that Jisung was part of the group, I started screaming like crazy. My baby did it! And all worries went away in an instant.

Originally posted by softjvngkook

Although I’ve wanted every single one of the PLEDIS’ trainees to join WANNA ONE, I was completely aware of the fact that neither Dongho nor Minki wouldn’t make it. I also believed – despite his incredible skills – that Samuel wouldn’t be able to be a member the final group.

Samuel should have been part of WANNA ONE – definitely. But his decreasing popularity left enough doubt in my mind… and my unsettling feeling about this trainee was right.

My guts were also right about Dongho and Minki – but what the hell… Jonghyun!? NO FUCKING WAY! When BoA revealed his 14th rank, I started to cry like the worst piece of fan girl shit. 

Originally posted by minsbugi

Is this a joke? How can someone who was number one recently drop to rank 14? I never – NEVER – thought that Jonghyun wouldn’t be part of Produce 101′s boy group. I was quite sure about Dongho and Minki’s failure, and I felt slightly uneasy about Minhyun – but NEVER about Jonghyun.

I felt so numb after realizing that Minhyun was the only member of NU’EST who made it into WANNA ONE – even though my ultimate bias turned out to be center – I wasn’t happy at all. I should have been happy, right? Daniel got the position I’ve wanted for him – but I couldn’t celebrate.

Originally posted by m1nhyun

Now there are three other things that worry me AFTER Produce 101′s final.

The last and final member who joined WANNA ONE was Han Sungwoon. I am a fan – of course I’m a fan! I freaking love HOTSHOT! Everyone should love HOTSHOT! And that’s why I didn’t want him to be part of this new group. Don’t get me wrong! I was so happy for him because he is without any doubt one of those guys who deserved it the most – thanks to his ambition, insane skills and hard work.

Originally posted by joker283

But since his HOTSHOT buddy Noh Taehyun had to leave the show, I thought it would be better if also Sungwoon would just drop out as well, and go back to supporting his original group. Through Produce 101 both trainees received a lot of attention – which was good publicity for their company and boy group.

Originally posted by kimmoongyu

Now Sungwoon won’t be able to be part of HOTSHOT for over one and a half years. Does this mean they will start to promote without him? Or do they have to wait for Sungwoon to return? Maybe they’ll disband anyway. Who knows…

Just worse seems to be this current NU’EST situation. Only Minhyun turned out to be part of WANNA ONE. What does this mean? I thought that at least Jonghyun would be able to join him. And that meant that three members of NU’EST were left: Aron (if you don’t know him, please check him out – he’s hot as fuck), Baekho aka Dongho and Ren aka Minki. Sounds like a pretty cool sub-unit, right? 

Originally posted by kpopulr

We have the oldest member and rapper, the main vocalist, and the maknae. I would have been able to live with that. But with only Minhyun in WANNA ONE – who won’t be able to do any kind of promotion with NU’EST until the end of 2018 – there’s not really a chance for NU’EST to form a proper sub-unit or to promote without leaving a member out, right?

I still can’t get over the fact that Jonghyun is not the leader of this new group. It literally breaks my heart – and this was also the reason why I wasn’t able to write anything about this topic until now. My heart and soul needed time to realize what’s going on.

Originally posted by minghao-ah

Every time I’ve opened Tumblr, I started to cry because way too many of you shared passionate posts about Jonghyun and the disappointment of the loss of his leader position of WANNA ONE. I can’t believe that this affects me so much – but yes, it does!

Poor Jonghyun, of course. But what about Minhyun

I try to be as honest as possible – and please, don’t get me wrong. I am happy that Minhyun received so much love from national producers. But I think it would have been better if he didn’t join WANNA ONE. Things would be much easier that way.

Originally posted by geonhee

The third and last fact that worries me the most is the current member line up of WANNA ONE.

I like every single one of them. However, the age gaps between all those trainees and future idols aren’t exactly small. Come on! Look at Jisung who is already 26. 

Originally posted by candorfangirlphilosophy

But it’s not only a variety of ages that bothers me – it’s more their different images.

While Guanlin is with his 15 years the maknae of WANNA ONE, he still looks pretty mature and would fit a masculine concept very well. The same goes for Woojin, who is only 17.

Originally posted by solapretty

However, I am not sure what to do with Jihoon, Jinyoung and Daehwi. Well, I know that it was extremely obvious that Jihoon is going to join the final group. But I still can get rid of this “unfitting” feeling.

With Daniel as center I think that WANNA ONE will have a more sexy and mature concept instead of a boyish and cute one.

Originally posted by kimdcnghyun

Okay, okay… Daehwi can still spread a certain mature and elegant vibe which he proved during Never. Even Jinyoung showed in the final episode as center of Hands On Me that he is able to slightly pull off the sexy side of himself. But what about Jihoon?

Originally posted by softjvngkook

This is only my personal opinion. If you see things differently, I totally respect that. I’m just some old bitch who experienced various boy and girl group debuts over a decade of being into K-Pop. 

But Jihoon didn’t suit the Boy in Luv concept, and he didn’t fit into the Get Ugly group. As beautiful and good looking and of course talented he might be, he still looks like a grade schooler – even though he is older than Daehwi, Guanlin, Woojin and Jinyoung

This is not his fault of course. No one can blame him for his innocent appearance. Girls even love it, and that’s why he placed second! But next to all the other members of WANNA ONE… I’m not sure how the final concept of this group will look like.

Originally posted by winkdeep

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he is able to pull off a mature image – which I would love to see. Daehwi is almost able to do it while Jinyoung is not so bad at acting all sexy, elegant and stuff. I am only really worried about Jihoon. I just want to say: Come on, boy… prove this ahjumma wrong!

Originally posted by sugarjisoo

Yesterday, Brave Entertainment announced that Kim Samuel will debut solo soon (I thought he already did, but okay…) which is in my opinion a really bad idea. Brave – with its usual badass and mature concepts – would be easily able to form a fantastic boy group. 

For example BIGSTAR are freaking dope – btw good job for putting them on ice, Brave Brothers. As main dancer of a boy group, Samuel would easily stand out. A solo career seems a little bit too risky if you ask me.

Originally posted by ohgwangsuks

Final words… I am happy for every single one who got into WANNA ONE. Not all of my biases made it – and that’s okay. I think it’s rather ridiculous to bash Mnet or Koreans for this final member line up. Think about it… is it really Mnet’s fault? Is it really the voters’ fault?

Fact is – being sad, disappointed or angry doesn’t help. The pain of seeing your favorite trainee lose will go away soon. And that’s why I finally kicked my own ass to write this down – to end this topic. Produce 101 Season 2 is over! Deal with it! It won’t come back! The 11 trainees who will debut are fixed. All we can do is support WANNA ONE – with or without your bias.

Originally posted by is-your-mac-fully-loaded

Let's Talk About How Badly Girl Groups Are Treated

Either by Korean society, antis, K-netz or even their own companies! So let’s start!!

Brown Eyed Girls: They are considered too old to be a group for much longer even though they’re barely in their 30s. They will be coming back with another “best of” album (even though the last time they came back as a group was with a “best of” album) to celebrate their 10 years as a group. I’m so proud of them for staying together for so long but I just hope they won’t disband after that.
On another note, Jea, Narsha and Miryo get shit thrown at them for the plastic surgeries they’ve undergone. They have replied to that however with a rather humorous parody song “Plastic Face” .
Meanwhile Gain was trash-talked for her recent sexy performances of “Paradise lost” to promote her new album “Hawaah” and had to start performing “Apple” instead.

Girls’ Generation are unlucky enough to be signed under S.M. Entertainment and Jessica Jung had to pay the price as she was kicked out of the group…
Taeyeon got shit thrown at her for dating Baekhyun, as if he’s worth the drama… I would have preferred her going all “Fuck you cunts” and all but heaven forbid a female in Korea express her opinion about her own life publicly! So she ended up crying in public instead…
Jessica still gets shit thrown at her and is pretty much treated as an outcast even though she’s obviously the victim in this situation. I mean, she didn’t just leave, she was kicked out!!
Tiffany is constantly called an attention-seeker simply because she doesn’t fit the quiet timid docile Asian female stereotype and her precious boyfriend Nickun says controversial stuff that concern her to haters on Twitter…
Yuri is considered fat because of her glorious thighs (I’d let her and/or CL choke me with their thighs any day) .

After School are forever unlucky with their comebacks and their company is in debt. They are all (past and current members) amazingly talented and I’d love to see them receive some more recognition, the amount of recognition they deserve!

2NE1 are forever screwed over by “papa” YG. He has made diminutive statements about them in the past and he seems to forget that they are his most relevant cash cow right now, their album surpassed even his “precious” G-Dragon and Taeyang on the charts. But he keeps saying stuff like “New 2NE1 are debuting soon […] I couldn’t possibly make a 2nd BIGBANG group, they’re unique” Well fuck you too!
Park Bom is forever terrorized by netizens for the plastic surgeries she’s undergone and even by the media, concerning her most recent amphetamine incident, and even fellow artists (yes, I’m talking about Kemy the frog) . She’s currently into hiding; for the record, I don’t approve of this type of reaction either but I’m almost convinced that this is one of YG’s “marvellous” plans, you know, keep her hidden until things cool down and stuff (which they have by the way, almost half a year ago so I don’t know what the fuck he has in mind) even though he did absolutely NOTHING when G-Dragon actually did drugs other than halt his promotions for what? A month? CL and Minzy are also occasionally considered fat and/or ugly but I’m glad they don’t give a fuck. CL is also constantly brought down for any possible reason, yes, even existing, but she still doesn’t give a fuck so good!

4minute are constantly criticized for their sexy concepts and more specifically Hyuna, who is over promoted by her manager over the rest of her fellow members (same goes for Gain, Nana and Suzy) and “forced” into doing sexy concepts even though she’s said she doesn’t feel OK mostly because of how everyone reacts to them, which ranges from shitty to really shitty. I’m glad they seem to have changed that with their latest comeback as the rest of the girls are equally promoted in the MV and during performances.

T-ara’s career was almost completely DESTROYED because of the “bullying thing” which, just as in Bom’s case, wasn’t officially proven by anyone involved other than the “proof” provided by netizens.. I’m glad that they started doing CFs again and that this whole thing was kind of forgotten and I’m really happy every time I see a photo of Hwayoung or Areum proving that they are happy and doing okay!! Same goes for Jessica and any other member of a group which left under “difficult” circumstances…

f(x) ; does that even need an explanation? They are, evidently, the most mistreated group in history and still manage to deliver awesome material with each comeback. On another note Sulli should really break the next person’s skull if they call her fat and/or ugly in front of her face again!

miss A; as mentioned above Suzy is promoted more than the rest of the girls but that’s mostly about CFs and stuff. As far as her position in the group goes, she and Min are put above their Chinese band mates Fei and Jia as they are Korean, or non-foreign, and also younger. Fortunately, this seems to have stopped in their latest comeback; Fei and Jia sing for less than half a minute combined in “Hush” but they have longer parts in “Only You” . Now, on another note, dear J.Y.P, when a group hasn’t had a comeback in three years you don’t have your own comeback during their promotions and then proceed to announce 2PM’s comeback, who have like a comeback per year. This is not good managing. Oh, and fuck you!

4L, four really talented ladies got major shit thrown at them for debuting with a rather provocative concept. I agree, the choreography went a little too far, but you know what’s also gone too far?? THE FUCKING HYPOCRISY!! You can’t go all “slut” “whore” “skunk” on four girls from a small company who are trying to make it into the industry with a concept I’m not really sure they felt comfortable with to begin with while at the same time you not only approve but LUST over a bunch of androgynous pre-teen-looking boys who thrust their half-naked bodies on stage claiming that 4L are offensive and this is not. Fuck you and your fuckboy-oppas!

Lastly, Red Velvet were really mistreated during their debut, acting as S.M.s “cover up girls” but I’m glad to see that they now receive the recognition they deserve!!

We Met A Girl

A/N: Because Calum and a puppy is the best thing to happen to all of us.

Rating: G

Pairing: Calum Hood/Reader (y/n)

Summary: Who could possibly be a better wingman than a puppy? After all, they are a man’s best friend.

Word Count: 4.2K


♧♧


“Well I guess now I can focus on what I really wanna do for myself you know?” he said to himself with no shame of looking stupid or crazy to those walking around him.  He looked down at the 8 week old, black French Bulldog gazing up at him with the familiar eyes that made Calum melt every time he stared into them. “It’s just us now buddy. Calum and Olie against the world.”

Keep reading

Welcome to JEM

Today we have surprise JEM for THE GIFTENING, and I realize this didn’t leave anyone with much time to prepare. And if you’re new to the world of JEM, some preparation might not go amiss. DON’T WORRY, I’M HERE TO HELP. I’ll give you a quick crash course on the basic plot elements, backstory, and major characters you’ll meet.

I’ll give you some warnings, too, so you know what we’re about to get into.

JEM is a cartoon that ran from 1985-1988. It is, as are most of the cartoons from this time period, poorly animated and made to sell toys. But JEM sets itself apart from that by having real heart and so much love for its characters. Spearheaded by show creator Christy Marx, it took what could’ve so easily been a brainless grab at Barbie’s market share and turned it into something that’s still cherished thirty years later. There was nothing quite like JEM at the time, a show that was targeted toward girls, featuring girls, but which understood they wanted all the excitement and action of “boys” cartoons. Jem and the Hologarms faced danger and excitement (and, yes, romance) all the fucking time, and it was glorious.

Cheesy and ridiculous, but glorious.

THIS SHOW IS SUPER 80S THOUGH HOLY SHIT. As you might expect from something crafted in the heart of the 80s and intending to specifically capture the feel of then-baby music channel MTV, it wears its huge hair and ridiculous clothes with pride. Again, note that one of the primary reasons this show exists was to sell toys, so the fashions were designed toward that.

Trust me, it’s part of its charm. Now, to the story!

Keep reading

Really? Why Cant Angry Turtles Get Some Love Too? Chill.

Okay, so you guys know about that instagram pic that i posted last night right?

this one: 

Well if you look at the comments everyone was excited, except for this one person who claimed she was just a fan and denied the fact that wasnt a fangirl, when clearly she isnt, instead shes one of those fangirls. Her username and picture says it all.

 But due to me being a private person and having respect for that kinda stuff i will black it out.

Sorry guys, Im just particular about that kinda stuff. But here is her first comment.:

Okay, I know Ciro already replied to her, which i will show in a moment, but after I break this comment down, and yes, i will do so because I literally am kinda upset about this.

  • “You guys shouldnt have brought that THING back”

Alright, its fine if you dont like Mona, but really? You have to be that immature about her coming? that THING? Maybe im being sensitive about this, but Mona wasnt even fully developed back in the 80s series, and she hasnt even freakin appeared in this series, this is just like Renet all over again I swear.

  • “This show needs action, not romance”

Besides a small bit of romance in season 1 and 2 this show hasnt really been all that “Romantic” actually its been written really well. As Ive said many times before the boys will have their crushes, and yeah they threw a slim bit of romance your way, but thats it. In season 3 after a foot to big there has hardly been Apriltello moments, hell theres hardly been Capril moments. And no them hugging is not romantic, its just friends being friendly with each other. Same with Donnie and April, they are being friends. Friends hug, and even hold hands, that doesnt mean its automatically romantic, it just shows they care. Guess what? It will probably be the same way with Mona and Raph too but wayyyyyy different. Haha.

  • “Shes gross”

How is she gross? Also your opinion is really invalid if you HAVENT EVEN SEEN HER IN THIS DANG SERIES!!!! EVEN IN THE 80S SERIES HOW CAN YOU FORM THAT OPINION WHEN SHES BEEN IN ONLY ONE EPISODE! *sighs* okay, sorry, just lets move on hm? ^^’

  • “Raph’s better off alone”

Im gonna just call you one of those Raph fangirls right now, no matter what you say. Raph can be better off alone sure but that doesnt mean he cant have a crush here and there. Why? CAUSE HE’S A TEENAGE BOY DAMMIT! Sorry, im trying to be calm, i promise…

  • “No, Im not a fangirl who wants Raph for herself.”

Really? Cause you sound like one of those fangirls. And trust me I know crazed fangirls. Your giving all the signs besides your username and profile picture. 

Signs of being an obsessive crazed Raph fangirl

  • Saying he’s better off alone
  • Denying your not a fangirl
  • Insulting Raphael’s supposed love interest Mona
  • Insulting a great character that hasnt even appeared because she is the crush of Raph
  • Being agressive

Did i forget anything? Im not sure, if you wish yall can add more signs.And Im not buying the whole 

“Im just a fan of the show”

because if that was the case you wouldnt be this upset about Mona coming, or about how Raph has a darn crush, or you wouldnt be acting like its the end of the world. Just saying, Ive seen this aggressive behavior before, with Donnie fans, Leo fans, heck even Mikey fans! Also the fangirls who deny that they are fangirls act exactly like this.

((Not saying all of you fangirls do this)) *shakes head*

Last point

  • “You’ll loose some viewers because of her.”

Considering that most of the fandom is made up of adults or older kids that are in their late teens and have been fans since the 80s or 90s im sure its okay if they loose some fans, why? Because they have a ton more. you know that saying, you loose some, you gain more. Sure they may loose some, but im very sure they will gain more, especially when Mona is being voiced by ZELDA WILLIAMS! ROBIN WILLIAMS DAUGHTER!

Unlike me Ciro kept his cool and told her what was up

he kept it short and simple, to the point, its his show after all.

Here is where Brandon comes in, with his comment, and guys just so you know these two WERE NOT serious, they were trolling this girl.

This was her reply

oh man thats a lot to break down. Lets get started!

  • “What the heck? Babies? -…- Im out”

Alright first off, they were trolling you, secondly who cares if your out, seriously obsessed fangirl.

And to those who actually took Brandon and Ciro’s instagram comments seriously……

my reaction:


Originally posted by booyakashellshocked

And for those who are still taking their comments seriously and wont shut up about it:

Originally posted by sushimanjuu

Really guys? Do I really need to go on a rant about this? Right now Raph is my spirit dude >…> 

  • “Dont do that guys seriously xD”

Okay, im about to defend these creators beacuse im getting really tired about how everyone is up their butts 24/7 telling them how to do their show.

  1.  Its not YOUR show
  2.  Its not your place to tell them what to do
  3.  I dont care if your using that “xD” face, i will say this, chill the shell out, they really can do whatever they want with this show. CIRO CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS WITH THIS SHOW.

WHY YOU ASK?

BECAUSE ITS HIS SHOW! HE CREATED IT, HE CAN MAKE IT INTO WHATEVER HE WANTS. THIS IS WHY HE DOESNT PUT FEMALES INTO THIS SHOW FOR A DAMN REASON BECAUSE ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO—-

*bites tongue* 

moving on….

  • “we’re here to see ninjas and fights not babies or romance.” 

Okay, stop talking for the whole fandom. Its YOU who dont want to see babies or romance, I am here to see turtles, no matter what, romance, babies, whatever, as long as turtles are in it, im in, and this is speaking for me, others may not want you to speak for them, I know others do not want ME to SPEAK FOR THEM.  why? Becacuse not everyone has the same views as you do you little —-

*bites tongue again*

Oh man i need to move on...*sighs*

  • “This made the show weird.”

Guys do you feel weird watching this show, a show that has hardly romance at all and when it does its very little? *asks in sarcasm tone*

Like really the romance on this show is so little that you actually gotta pay attention to actually see it, and even then it looks like they’re just being friendly to each other. In my eyes anyways…*shakes head*

Next!

  • “Im not a fangirl”

Your a fangirl, no matter what you say, people who say that kinda thing are either in denial or just to blind to see it. 

Actually scratch that, you are not a fangirl.

Theres differences between fangirls and over the top obsessive annoying fangirls who literally do nothing but overreact over every little thing that has to do with their favorite turtle.

you are the second.

  • “I’ve watched previous versions of the show. They didnt have romance and stuff.”

You want some s**t with that bull?

WRONG!

TMNT VERSIONS OF ROMANCE:

Comics- April and Casey, they even had a child, also the turtles had girlfriends if im not mistaken.
tmnt 80′s- This one hardly had any but i remember seeing a few moments here and there, correct me if im wrong about that
tmnt 90 movie 1- Casey and April, 
tmnt 2003- Casey and April, they got married in season 7 during the last episode. also it was implied that Raph had a slight crush on a friend named Jill or Jen ((Im pretty sure her name was Jill))
tmnt 2007- Casey and April, they were getting married, or was close to an engagement.
tmnt 2012- Leo and Karai, April and Donnie, Casey and April ((maybe))
tmnt 2014- April and Vernen ((IDK if i spelled his name right)) or April and Raph

I swear people like you forget that the other versions had a shit ton of romance ((excuse my language)) But when the nick series do it, its a like sin and you guys act like its a new thing that hasnt been done before.

Look the nick series actually goes by what actual teenagers do while in love or crushing on someone, they make it realistic as possible, is it annoying? Duh, but thats teens and life for you. Fans like you dont seem to get that in your heads, and seem to forget that in this version they are more immature, more teen like, also they relate more with todays generations of kids, maybe not to you, and thats okay, but remember the previous versions you CLAIMED to have watched before trying to make a point. 

Last one

  • “It was tmnt, thats what tmnt is for, ninjutsu”

So apparently tmnt is for ninjutsu, my dear, ninjutsu has a part to play in tmnt, but what is tmnt is the love for family and friends, the honor for your clan, the determination to protect the innocent no matter what, oh and pizza, mainly from what I get, TMNT is a family oriented show, which does include romance, but mainly its about the bond between four brothers thats so strong that nothing or noone can tare them apart. A bond between father and sons/ Sensei and students, And a bond between friends that are considered family.

If you just get ninjutsu from TMNT and nothing else, then you really havent gone in depth with this franchise, or grasped the concept of this show. It teaches about honor, respect, and how family is the most important thing in our lives along with friendships that last a lifetime.

THAT IS WHAT WE WANNA SEE…and Im sure the fandom will allow me to speak for them when i say that.

WE WANT TO SEE THAT. and guess what, most of us see it all the time when we watch any incarnation over and over again.

Its just YOU who only wants to see action, fighting, and ninjas. Dont get me wrong i like that stuff to, but if it was JUST that and nothing else, I’d probably wouldnt be in this fandom, nor like the franchise.


This show, franchise has balance, a best of all genres, Drama, Action, Adeventure, Fantasty, Romance, Family, and even Horror.

And thats what we like, different things that comes into one franchise, and honestly if I have to put up with teen drama BS thats fine. ((Not speaking for all of the fandom)) I will do it as many times, why? Because I love this show and franchise to death, nothing will ever stop me from watching.

And hey maybe some of the fandom feels the way I do, I dunno, but just know that we do not want you to speak for us, and we will defend the Creator of the nick series at any cost….

Okay well I will. ^^ cause I cant really speak for the fandom on that last part. haha.

THATS WHAT IM JUST SAYING.

((Sorry i had to, it was a perfect opportunity.))


Okay, i’ve done my damage here, long post this time, sorry for that.

I also wish to apologize if i sound rude, mean, disrespecful or hateful, this was not my intent, i do not mean to, just when someone does something like this i tend to get defensive over Ciro.

This show is his baby that he created, and honestly he and the crew shouldnt get this much s**t for this kinda thing. And we should know them by know that they werent serious, but Im sorry if i offended you, or my words hurt your feelings. 

Just tired of a great show, and its cast/crew members as well as the creator getting so much hate just because some people cant accept the fact that things will happen differently, So calm down and just have faith in them. Its better when you have fun and just let things go with the flow instead of taking it so seriously that you just stop all together. In my opinion that is…


Anyways

If you wanna send me discussions here

If you wanna spam me because i tagged this in the wrong tags, or said something that offended you and wanna call me names, here

but if your gonna insult me, be creative and intelligent. I dont have time for idiotic trolls or cyberbullies. Thanks.

as usual!

2015 in review

By tradition, it’s time for my annual review! 

1 - What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?

What a year for firsts! Started residency, did procedures, GOT MY MD, traveled to Russia and Hawaii for the first time! 

2 - Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

This year’s resolution was drink more water and stretch. I definitely drank more water, but stretching was touch and go. I’ll definitely be making more resolutions this year. My first and most important one is to cook more! 


3 - Did anyone close to you give birth?

Three people this year! So many baby pics flooded my fb feed.


4 - Did anyone close to you die?

Mercifully, no.


5 - What countries did you visit?

Russia, Taiwan (I guess taiwan’s status as it’s own country is kind of fiddly?)


6 - What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?

Maintained healthy eating and exercise schedule I can stick to; a killer Step 3 score, well-earned respect and intelligence so I can be the best senior resident possible, a sofa (still living on cushions in my living room)

7 - What date from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

3/20, 5/15, 7/31. First one is Match Day, second one is graduation day from med school, the last one was the day one of my best friends from ELEMENTARY SCHOOL got married!


8 - What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting into residency, that’s for sure!


9 - What was your biggest failure?

Crashing my car in Hawaii so hard I stopped traffic on half the island 

10 - Did you suffer illness or injury?

Little things, nothing serious. I did get the flu three times. It’s the joy of working in a hospital. 

11 - What was the best thing you bought?

Blackbird Triton perfume. I will wear this forever.

12 - Whose behavior merited celebration?

So many people. Even though this was a tough year, I think the random acts of kindness and good deeds that I was either a part of or received where some of the best I’ve ever known. (ex. medblr pizza)

13 - Whose behavior made you appalled or depressed?

That one patient’s husband who neglected her for months and brought her in right at death’s door, hoping to collect life insurance on her, the hospital admin who refused to increased intern salaries to meet regional standards, Co-Intern Meatloaf (but he’s much better now), can I say Donald Trump even though I know he’s on everyone’s shit list? Not to beat a dead horse.


14 - Where did most of your money go?

RESIDENCY STUFF. And food. 


15 - What did you get really, really, really excited about?

STAR WARS. My costume for a comic convention, Jessica Jones and so many Netflix shows

16 - What song(s) will always remind you of 2015?

Hello-Adele

17 - Compared to this time last year, are you:
I. Happier or sadder?

Happier.

II. Thinner or fatter?

Fatter.

III. Richer or poorer?

Richer, I mean, I have a salary now!

18 - What do you wish you’d done more of?

cooked instead of ordering take-out, exercise or do more self-care

19 - What do you wish you’d done less of?

stress eating or stress drinking, spent less time being worried about looking smart

20 - How will you be spending/spent christmas?

I watched Star Wars with the family!


21 - Did you fall in love in 2015?

hahahah no, and I think this year I realized I’ve never been in love. It made me sad at first, but I’m okay with that now.

22 - How many one-night stands?

Zero.

23 - What was your favorite tv program?

The Great British Bake Off vs Jessica Jones are tied for favorite.

24 - Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Yes. That asshole neuro resident who gave me crap about getting my period.

25 - What was the best book you read?

The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton. Technically, I started it last year but I finished it in early 2015. I thought it was so cool.

26 - What was your greatest musical discovery?

Kpop in general

27 - What did you want and get?

RESIDENCY. Honestly, that’s all I wanted and I got it!

28 - What was your favorite film of this year?

Kingsman? Man from UNCLE? Prior to Star Wars, I would’ve said either of those, but TFA happened. And it’s definitely Star Wars. 


29 - What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 27! I got lunch with some of my favorite girls, it was awesome.

30 - What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I said it last year, and I’m going to say it again: no misogyny in the workplace!


31 - How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?

Androgynous with a lot of navy and silver/gold accessories. And of course, leather jackets and combat boots. And wide-brimmed felt hats.

32 - What kept you sane?

The Welcome to Night Vale podcast, my family and friends, medblrs :)

33 - Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Chris Pratt

34 - What political/social issue stirred you the most?

Physician burn-out and suicide

35 - Who did you miss?

My maternal grandparents. I always miss them because they live so far away and I only get to see them maybe once every couple years.

36 - Who was the best new person you met?

If I can only choose one? My MICU R3. He and I were on nearly identical brain waves so what he taught me with regards to presenting cases, paradigm, and constructive criticism was by far some of the most helpful I’ve had. We also just had a blast trading pop culture references, talking about food, singing old 80s songs.

37 - Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015:

Life is so short and can change so fast. Take nothing for granted.

Horoscopes By Gil Hizon - Week of July 6-12, 2015

Spoiler Alert: Your spoiler looks janky.

CANCER (June 22 – July 22)

Insecurities will get you everywhere, Ms. Crab. And by everywhere, I mean everywhere unpleasant. I do have to say, it is quite understandable why you’re feeling like every bitch is out to get you lately. You’ve been thrust in a situation which is alien to you. As you immerse and adapt to your new surroundings, any type of discomfort will be internalized. It’s your go-to behavior. Continue to wiggle your way into understanding; it’ll be over by next week.

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LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Hunty! Although you’re not all into negativity these days, I’m afraid there are some lingering, unresolved resentful feelings residing within yo ass. And if you don’t tend to that shit, you may end up throwing the nastiest shade toward an innocent bystander, or worse, a loved one. So hunker down, diva! Reach deep into your childhood trauma and get that shit fixed, gurl!

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VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Enough is enough, JLO! You have lingered on this self-sabotage act for far too long and it’s time to snap out of it! For reals! This week, focus on the joys in your life. You’d be surprised to find out that there are so many gag-worthy moments up in your gig, gurl! The tables are beginning to turn, and the earlier you adjust your thinking, the less catching up you have to do once the world is your oystah!

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LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

What you say is vital to how your week will unfold. And I know you’ve got a mouth on you, LIBBY! No matter how you slice it, there is a part of your vocal urethra which can pummel someone’s face with such searing shade that the poor bitch wouldn’t be able to recover! I know it gets frustrating, balancing your public and private circles on a daily basis and all, but don’t let this exasperation run yo life, gurl!

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SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

What starts out as “Let’s grab some brewskis at the local dive bar” could turn into a serious brawl if you don’t watch it. Your intensity is approaching a peak, as a myriad of social issues rise and float around your face. Honestly, it’s enough to make even the most composed of hos crazy! So if you get broiled down to a debate, make sure you and your constituents are taking turns talking and be mindful and respectful of each other’s opinions and of course yours are the right ones!

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SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Things are getting intense, gurl! On another week, I would kindly but shadily ask you to keep your cool, but this week, I give thee permission to let it all hang out! And by letting it all hang out, I don’t mean swinging your goodies around the gym’s locker room (we’ve all seen your stuff, don’t worry). I’m talking emotionally, dahling! There’s a lot of pent up shit inside your chest; you so need a release, no matter how dramatic or entertaining. It’s time to unleash your inner Mommie Dearest!

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CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

When it comes to power, well, you crave that shit, CAPRICIA. I’ve seen your closet full of 80s power suits! Here’s the thing. As the week begins, it would seem as if every bitch in the county is out to grab your power staff (sounds hot, if you ask me) to get a rise out of you (okay, it still sounds hot). The key thing here is that only you can activate that rod. So chill the fuck out. One by one, these bitches will get the memo. And by the end of the week, they will fall back.

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AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

As it turns out, Mya, your case of the ex is not yet closed, boo-boo. No matter how much you deny it, this bitch has a hold on you like nobody’s bidnits. Of course, your natural inclination is to stand back, fill your head with interesting ideas and concepts and pretend that nostalgic shit ain’t there. But then again, we all know that the more you push the issue down, the bigger the blow back will be. The best thing for you to do is admit that this situation is happening, and plan a counter-muthafucking-attack!

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PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Even before your week becomes filled with auras, colors, and bitches named Kadeesha who can’t take a hint, focus on that one thing that lights up your world. You are about to enter a series of distractions–some good, some downright nasty (yasss!)–and it’s important that you sit yo ass down and realign your true intentions. By honing into what makes you tick, you’ll have no problem navigating the waters ahead of you–it’s about to get wet, gurl!

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ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

You’re no stranger to going against the grain. After all, I’ve seen your sex toys. Dare I say, ribbed for your pleasure? This week, at your jobby job, it’s not a matter of being a lone glamazon who wants to win against your dissenting co-workers. It’s about the empowerment you feel when that energy radiates from your heart, to your extremities. Really, it’s just a gut check that you still have that drive inside of you. And you do, bitch!

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TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

You and that mouth. Not even the constant sputtering that comes out of your vocal orifice can hide the fact that you’re in deep denial of what’s about to happen. Let me tell you, honey. From the other side, I can see that what’s about to come ain’t bad. Although you love to hear yourself talk, I suggest you stop distracting yourself and face your future head on.

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GEMINI (May 21 – June 21)

So… your mouth is a weapon… k? It can be used to defend yourself against an attack. It can serve as reminder to opposing forces not to fuck witchu. Furthermore, it can be used to attack and conquer the weak. When you’re in the middle of a discussion/confrontation, think about the ways your mouth can get yourself out of a situation, or into the deepest of doo-doos, before you wag that jaw.

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(DISCLAIMER for all entries: This is all a shit show!)

For more Horoscopes By Gil Hizon, click here, gurl!