okay that was enough rambling for now

I want to talk to people but I keep wondering if this person likes me enough to not get annoyed by a message from me. I reconsider for hours. Sometimes I send it. Right after that I feel so uncertain that I even panic because I can’t take the message back when it’s sent already.

Okay so:

Anyone who likes this is okay with me talking to them now and again!

Little girl, the world is laying itself out in front of you for the first time. You are only now realizing the city that has always kept you safe is only just the beginning of an Earth that will swallow you whole. That the people who promised you only open arms are often flawed and sometimes terrible.

It is okay to be afraid - you are brave enough to still be here. They betrayed you when they didn’t tell you it might be like this - being so confused and so certain there is something you could have done differently.

All of a sudden, there will be constant continuous bursts of fear. It is like when you’re small, smaller than you are now, standing in the ocean and the waves envelop you and there is a moment when you believe your lungs will never swell with air again. 

It looks easy when everyone around you is taller, and all the head patting and sideways glances and throw away smiles will sometimes make you think you are only a shadow. Or maybe a mirror projecting only what they wish they were seeing.

Do not let anyone fool you into believing this is the way it will feel forever. You will crash like the waves, retreat back into the ocean, be born again, and each time you will be stronger.

—  am i talking to the little girl next to me or myself, n.m.
Chapter 449 Theory?

Okay, first of all, SPOILER ALERT! Now, from what i know from Chapter 449, Mavis has the curse too, so what if she trapped herself in crystal because on the way she realized the way to end the curse is to:

1. gather enough ‘life’ energy in crystal form from the guild

2. use the curse itself to override the curse on Zeref

3. absorb the curse from Zeref

Or maybe the curse killed one of the FT members *coughYurycough* and she decides to trap herself in crystal in her despair to prevent anymore deaths.

Or maybe this is just the ramblings of a recently converted Zervis trash who’s COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT AT THE AMOUNT OF ZERVIS IN THIS ONE CHAPTER?! THE FOREHEAD TOUCH, THE HUG, GAH! *foams at the mouth and vomits rainbows*

Okay, I’ve watched the Best Couple portion of the 2010 KBS Drama Awards multiple times because I’m a weirdo, but now that I’ve actually watched SKKS, I figured I should watch it again. Both to shake my fist at the heavens over Yoon Shi Yoon and Lee Young Ah (literally this is how their courtship went–her: I originally liked your brother Joo Won because he’s insanely hot but he’s also an asshole, so, Yoon Shi Yoon it is! him: I originally liked Eugene but she married my hot asshole brother so… Lee Young Ah it is!), and to laugh my head off at how adorably uncomfortable Yoo Ah In is. Seriously, it’s so cute–he’s so awkward, and Song Joong Ki is so amused, and basically everything is delightful.

Of course, this then inspired me to rewatch the 2008 SBS Best Couple award, because I’m pretty sure that’s the only other time a same-sex couple has won a best couple award–and Painter of the Wind was a much more explicitly queer drama than Sungkyunkwan Scandal (though SKKS does get some points on this front–Yong Ha is canonically and painfully obviously in love with Jae Shin, and I found their final scene together ambiguous enough that I’m just going to go ahead and imagine that they live happily ever after together). You can see that difference in the awards themselves (for your viewing please, here is a subbed version of the SBS awards, and here is the subbed version of the KBS awards). Moon Geun Young and Moon Chae Won are interviewed for several minutes, even though most of the questions annoyingly boiling down to: ‘But you’re both ladies! How could you act like you were in love!’ But even if that content is irritating (and God bless Moon Chae Won for her progressive attitude, even if her prediction that there are many more interesting couples to come hasn’t quite born fruit), they are treated seriously. But at KBS, everything is a bit more genial and jokey, at least partially because FIVE couples were up there (which really stretches the meaning of ‘best’ to the breaking point, in my book). But part of that is definitely because Yong Ha and Jae Shin weren’t a real couple in the drama (though, say it with me: GOO YONG HA IS CANONICALLY IN LOVE WITH MOON JAE SHIN!). 

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I do think it’s an interesting contrast. And I think it’s worth noting that ‘best couple’ awards are decided by online voting–which means that in 2008, netizens with the choice to vote for any couple they wanted actively chose Moon Geun Young and Moon Chae Won, the only non-hetersexual option. Ditto in 2010–according to Song Joong Ki, the Yong Ha/Jae Shin couple was #1 in votes. Doesn’t that say something?

Aaaaaa sitc!!

It was great! The 2nd day was so so great! I met Tomska and Lex and also Martyn and Cornelia and they all were so so nice and sweet. And I saw Chris so now my life is complete ^_^
I loved Summer in the City and it’s sad it’s over but I’m glad I went to this event and I’m sure I want to go again!)
Okay, enough personal ramble, back to phan!

Okay, summartive thoughts now that I am done screaming because emotions
- there was not nearly enough Lydia
- or enough Malia
- and I’m still dissapointed that Kira isn’t here
- and I really don’t want all of their story lines being pushed away
- because they’re all super important
- there wasn’t even enough stiles
- marrish is actually creepy and needs to not happen
- Lydia is not okay and that’s not good at all
- I hope theo dies painfully and rots in hell
- because he hurt both my babies
- I’m glad Scott has decided to step his shit up
- I’m really proud of mason for stepping up and being awesome
- and also showing us the power of friendship (take notes Scott)
Well time for headcanons, photo sets, and fanfiction for the agonizing months while we wait for more

Okay, I’m really getting excited right now.

Tomorrow morning (at 5 A.M >.<), I will go on a class trip to London until friday.

(Together with mellymila :3)

I probably won’t be around that much, but I’ll probably post a few things about my experiences.

If you don’t want These Posts on your Dashboard, please blacklist ‘Pendulums trip to london’

Okay, that was enough pretty much pointless rambling^^’ Thanks if you read this.

Have a good night/day/whatever :)

( my-secret-daiya-obsession this might interest you, I hope you don’t mind me tagging you^^’)


“Since when do you ask Damon for advice?
But fine,
point taken. But if you think
for a second that I’m going to drink enough
that I can be persuaded to dance, you’ve
got another thing coming.“

                                        “Who said anythin’ ‘bout askin’ Damon
                                        for advice? I ain’t that stupid. Besides, I never
                                        asked for his input. He just rambled away, 
                                        but I sorta zoned him out. I think it’s like a 
                                        second nature thing for me now. Dude, relax. 
                                        Dancin’ ain’t my kinda thing either so I think
                                        you’re safe.”

I was gonna go down to 10 working hours per week because there weren’t enough hours, which I was okay with. Could always get more hours scheduled through a site within my workplace.

Now I got my schedule and 10 hours my ass. I’m very happy to see I do have more hours and to top it off, I don’t begin earlier than 10.30! *happy tears because I’m not an morning person*

On semi hiatus

I’m sorry for not being on for so long. I’ve been more focused on my other blog that I’ve been neglecting Kopa and others. And for that I’m sorry. I feel like an awful rper. I say that I keep coming back but then I don’t reply *sighs* I again apologize. I’m going to be mostly on my other blog acutelittleeevee. My Pokemon blog. I might lurke here now and then. But I’m going to be dropping a few rp’s so I don’t get overwhelmed and frustrated on what to say to them. Okay enough rambling bye.

Back to square one.

My gut instinct was right- James was not right for me.

Too bad- we clicked, we get along really really well, he makes me laugh, he’s super sweet.

But he ended up being an asshole.

Sooooooooo now I’m back to nothing. Which is okay.

I just wish… blergh. I wish I had another chance with Max. I would do literally anything to have another chance with him and have him talk to me and have us both be grown and mature enough to try things the right way.

I don’t care what other people say about him or this. I know it’s been so long. But you don’t just ignore THAT gut feeling when you get it from a person.

Come on universe. Throw me a bone.

4 a.m. Thoughts of a Slightly Drunk Man

As the title suggests, I am a little drunk right now. Not enough to inhibit anything like my ability to type, or my ability to think, but I am buzzed. And as always, when I am up at ungodly o’clock in the morning, I can’t help but be alone with my thoughts and emotions.

My friends are visiting from out of town and it has been a real blast having them here, don’t get me wrong. But, when I think about it, it just reminds me how sad I’m going to be when they leave in a few hours. These are two of my best friends that I almost never see in person. I have a different dynamic with each of the that I truly love experiencing when they are here, and like I said it just makes me really sad that I know I’m not going to get to see them again for a while when they leave later.

I honestly think my biggest problem that I feel something that borders on the romantic with both of them, and another one of my friends for that matter. I feel like it isn’t romantic love for the simple fact of that it really doesn’t feel like that. It just feels like it is more than that. I mean, I do have a small crush on the one, but that isn’t relevant. I feel a strong emotional connection with them and this other friend to the point of it being something more than something simply friendly. I can’t really explain it well, especially in my inebriated state.

I’m just rambling at this point. The bottom line is that they leave in like, 5 hours and I won’t see them for an few months. To some that may not be much. However, to me, someone who thrives on the relationships with my friends, this is a very long time. Not sure if and when they’ll see this. If they do, hey guys. Hell of a way to find out something, ain’t it?

Overall, whenever anyone reads this, I hope you enjoy your lives. Take care.

.... thoughts. well one of them.

Even though you tried not to, you did still hurt me. I mean I’ve been hurt before by others but this is different. I understand your reasons but I was just starting to fall for you (or i guess my feelings for you were growing) to where it was enough to hurt. 

I guess I’ll eventually be okay, im just not so sure about right now. I’m just sad verses any other feeling right now.

I do kinda wanna know how you felt doing so but … ugh idk, I just miss you… a lot. 

And now I’m rambling. *sigh*

Okay. im done thinking about this. 

I guess it’s “me time” now. :)