Today is a not a good day for me mentally. My hubbs keeps calling me from work to check up on me. I'm just in one of those moods where I want to vanish for a bit, but responsibilities demand my attention. So, I am having a cry before my child gets home from school. I have started therapy and we are discussing medications and I know that is a good step. But I'm terrified all the same.
It’s going to be okay.
YOU are going to be okay. This is a temporary thing with your brain being a dick, and you will get through this.
I’m so proud of you for starting therapy, and looking into meds to help your brain get the help it needs to stop being a dick to you.
If I may suggest something: I practice a version of cognitive behavioral therapy. The short and overly simplified version is: when I feel my brain throwing a sad or depressive or negative thought at me, I stop what I’m doing, and I make the effort to consciously remember something awesome that happened that made me happy. It doesn’t matter what it is, just as long as it’s a good memory. It doesn’t even have to be a big, complicated memory. It can be like that time I ran my first 5K, or the time I switched on my emulator and it worked! It can be a quiet walk I took with Anne (I have a lot of those to choose from) and specifically how nice it felt to hold her hand.
We have tons of good memories, and sometimes we have to make the effort and work hard to find them, especially when it’s easier to feel bad about something.
Also, it’s OKAY to recognize that a thing made you sad, and then sort of visualize putting it on a shelf or in a bag or just kicking it out of your way for a moment while you pay attention to that good memory.
There’s science which tells us that the experience of recalling something happy produces the same neurochemicals as actually having that experience, so even though this can feel like woo woo mystical bullshit, it’s a real thing.
So your homework is to think of an awesome thing that happened, just a moment when you were really happy, and recall something specific from that moment. Your brain may try to be a dick and do this thing where it goes, “and that’ll never happen again.” or “and I didn’t deserve it.” When your brain does that, it can be a challenge to stay focused on the good memory, but you can do it!
You’re gonna get through today, I promise. Send me a note tomorrow and let me know how you’re feeling, okay?