Wearing My Heart on My Sleeve: Confessions of a First-Timer
Give me the strength not just to wait patiently, because I know I can do that, but to stay positive in times of uncertainty. Let me love not too hard or too fast even though there is a lot to give. I need freedom to escape from this prison-like environment where stress, worry, and negativity are always-present factors; and the knowledge and wisdom to prevent myself from being too naive and making too many mistakes. But I have grown and improved so much, worked my hardest to be even better for all of us; How many people notice them or will stay with me long enough to see them more, I cannot say. But what I can say is this: I do love you and care a lot more than I ever knew I would. And I do trust you, even though at times I get a little curious and scared. I do understand you; but being pulled apart and stuck here for so long, please me hear from you again. Thinking back to your first anything should help you to understand me, too. You said you love me, and I can only believe that this is true; when I say it, you can bet that it is, too. I’m not sure what you’ve heard from other people, but sometimes their opinions don’t matter since it’s not their relationship and they don’t have such emotions attached. No matter what they may have said – we’re different people, yes perhaps that comes with age and experience. But that doesn’t mean they overshadow what we share in common; after all, we can teach each other and learn from both. If love and care are still there, why shouldn’t other things fall into place? There’s no need to blame another for not being 100% perfect all the time. No one is; in fact, a relationship is oftentimes just that: two imperfect people existing together and loving each other. Sometimes there is beauty in that, adding depth to a person, character even – like covering cracks with gold like the Japanese did with handmade pots. I think back to the beginning often, the budding of our relationship learning new things about life – that we should treasure moments, not things – and learning new things about you – like your love of cheesy French fries and poetry, of night markets and crab rolls on the pier, of trying new things like soba noodles and okonomiyaki paired with tea and sake – and new things about myself, as you told me, and I loved a lot of the same things you did, too. As new and exciting, I would be so glad to create more memories that can last even longer, even if it means this time reaching out more to you. But for now I will wait until I have your permission, and hope for the best – that we can create something even better, to be even stronger and calmer and happier together than ever before.