We’re not having a baby!And this is our “Not Pregnant” announcement!
Okay, but when will people please STOP defining women by their desire and ability (or lack thereof) to procreate?
Many women who can’t have children are heartbroken by it, and I am not for one second saying they should feel any other way, but how much of that is fueled by societal perceptions? Why are we made to feel like we must make our own child or else we’re a failure?
Where is the encouragement to find your unique happiness? To pursue and master something you love? To maybe adopt children who desperately need a family?
Be there to support the women in your life in whatever their sadness is, for as long as they need to be sad. But please stop telling them that they have to be upset. Accept their happiness just as you would their sadness.
When people ask why I don’t have kids yet, I used to tell them “I can’t” (because providing a reasonable excuse was easier than explaining I don’t want kids and choose not to have any).
I would immediately receive a very heartfelt “I am so sorry…”, which is genuinely kind of them.
But when I tell them how okay it is, how happy I am with my life and my body as it is, how fulfilled I am, they literally recoil and stare at me as if something were terribly wrong with me.
It turns out I am not “allowed” to be okay with me, not permitted to be happy about all of my abilities and disabilities.
I had a tubal ligation two years ago. I am still young, I’m 29 now, but I am as completely happy with that decision as I was when I made it.
We are happy that I can’t have a baby.
We are thrilled
Not in spite of our circumstances, because of them!
We love the opportunities and the challenges in our lives.
We pursue our careers, I do Ironman triathlons, he plays tennis, we cook and we explore and we get to know people of all ages.
We laugh a whole lot.
We are happy.
Because we aren’t having a baby.