okay i need to write

“Am I at ninety-four yet?”

Neil asked.

He was not at ninety-four. Ninety-four was the whispered words, “Thank you. You were amazing.” They echoed inside Andrew’s head over and over, like they were an offering, a prayer, a goodbye, like they were pushed out of his body with his dying breath. It was irritating and he was going to bring it up on the bus. He was going to spell it out nice and slow how Neil needed to stop living like he was dying and start living like the exy junkie he was.

Ninety-five was turning around and seeing nothing. Not nothing in the sense that Neil was nothing, but nothing in the sense of panic, of worry, of standing on the edge of the rooftop looking down thinking “Would it hurt if I fell?” The space where Neil should have been filled with emotions that Andrew swore he would never feel again.

Ninety-six was finding his bag. It wasn’t the bag that held his entire life, that was locked away in the Fox Tower, safe. It was the bag that held his future. A future he knew Neil wanted in the way he clutched the key he gave him back in August. A key that was left in the God forsaken bag with Neil nowhere in sight.

For ninety-seven, Kevin was there. The other foxes were there too but the words Kevin formed with his breath passing over his voice box and the movements of his tongue and jaw, were the only things that mattered. Kevin’s mouth moved, sound traveled in vibrations through the air, hit Andrew’s eardrums, and then his hands were around Kevin’s neck. There were lies and half-truths and Andrew hated those. Again not in the sense he hated Neil but in the sense that he hated the word ‘please’ and ‘misunderstanding’. He hated how he didn’t hate Neil because of all the lies. And for that, ninety-seven.

Ninety-eight was the phone call that Neil had been found.

Ninety-nine was walking through the hotel door and seeing him crumple in agony. It was the hissed “Don’t” as he did his best sooth away the pain. It was the eyes that were Nathaniel’s with hints of Neil peeking out behind his irises. It was the look of a man staring helplessly as the executioner readied the guillotine. It was the words “I’m sorry” like he had something to be sorry for. It was his attitude that no matter how beat up he got, remained impeccably intact. And it was the question he still had the gall to ask: “Am I at ninety-four yet?”

“You are at one hundred.”

Edible Arrangements

(Hilly knows a couple things as a tadpole. He knows there’s probably a lax bro hitting on him, and that Bitty’s super-secret boyfriend may or may not be a middle-age lumberjack sugar daddy.)


Hilly knows a few things about Samwell’s hockey dynamics. He knows he is a tadpole; he initially expects to be hazed to the ground and forced to eat dog food or something like his roommate, who is currently rushing a frat. He expects the Haus to be dirty and filled to the brim with red cups and sticky floorboards. He also knows not to hang out with the lax team because Ransom and Holster said so, even though a cute boy who he thinks is from the lax team winked at him in his Intro to Anthropology class. He knows that NHL’s very own Jack Zimmermann, son of ‘Bad Bob’ Zimmermann and legendary hockey extraordinaire, is a Samwell alumni, and had slept in the very room which Chowder, their goalie, currently inhabits.  

But Hazeapalooza turns out to be nothing as bad as he expects (he even gets homemade pie out of it, even if Holster gives him the side-eye). And the Haus is cleaner than a sports frat house should be. The hockey team is nice (and surprisingly socially aware) and Hilly likes Samwell fair enough, but he misses home sometimes.

But Bitty makes things better. Hilly likes Bitty a lot. He likes hanging around the Haus and watching Bitty roll pastry dough with a practiced, methodical hand because it reminds him of how his mom used to bake cookies for him and his sister. Bitty doesn’t mind too much (he thinks) that Hilly may want to go on a date with a lax bro. Bitty bakes him peach cobbler with crumbles toasted a golden brown and talks about his family’s jam recipes. Bitty is open and warm and welcoming. However, the one thing Bitty doesn’t talk much about is his boyfriend.

Keep reading

Please don’t worry about me.
I’m just a little tired from being strong all the time…. Between dealing with all my own problems, pretending everything’s fine and helping other people with their problems – I sometimes feel like I have no energy left.
Sometimes I imagine what it would feel like to be taken care of… for someone to wrap me up in a blanket, hold me while I cry and tell me that they love me and that everything will be alright. But for some reason, whenever anyone asks me if I’m okay – I always say I’m fine!?
I think deep down I’m afraid…. Afraid that if I reach out for help, I might be let down… or afraid that if open up, all the pain I’ve been holding inside will come flooding out and I won’t be able to stop it.
I think that’s possibly the biggest paradox of having strength… that sometimes you spend so much of your energy being strong for yourself and others that it ultimately weakens you to the point where you feel you have nothing left to give… That’s how I’m feeling right now – but give me time and I know I’ll be okay.
I’ll push through like I always do… because I’m strong….
and I don’t know how to be any other way.
please insert this somewhere into ootp for me

“So, Sirius and Professor Lupin,” said Ron, conversationally, “they seem pretty close. Must be nice, being reunited with one of your best mates like that.”

Harry and Hermione exchanged a look. Ron’s expression grew puzzled.

“What? What is it this time?”

Hermione rolled her eyes, in her very familiar way, and said, “They’re married, Ronald.”

“They’re what?” Ron gawped, looking between Hermione and Harry like they’d been keeping some great secret from him. “Did you know that, Harry?”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded at him slowly, clearly taken aback by his ignorance, “it’s been months, Ron. I thought it was obvious.”

First Ron’s gaze, then all three, shifted to the room across the hall, where the men in question stood together just inside the doorway. The pair stood very close, heads bowed as they murmured to each other so that their foreheads almost touched. As they spoke Remus unfolded his arms and laid a hand tenderly on Sirius’ forearm, his thumb dipping under the cuff of his rolled-up sleeve. A brief glint of light bounced off the modest gold band which adorned his fourth finger, comfortably, like it belonged there. And there was something in the way they looked at each other; a kind of intensity, almost a fierceness, that was always present when they looked at each other, but never at anyone else.

Suddenly, Remus’ speech cut off mid sentence, and as if he sensed the three pair of eyes now intruding on his conversation he looked up. For just a moment he seemed to colour slightly, before he sent the door closed with a quick wave of his hand.

“Blimey,” said Ron, who had the decency to look somewhat shamefaced, at least.

Harry leant over and nudged him in the ribs.

“I hope you can learn the difference between best mates and married,” he told him, with as much severity as he could muster while trying not to laugh. “Or we might have a bit of a problem here.”

In the room across the hall, with the sound of laughter on the other side of the door, Sirius and Remus quietly kissed one another goodnight.

Where is my horribly self indulgent fix it fic where Gustav and Dr Montgomery get first custody of the Baudelaires? And the children instead of being traumatized and abused get to be raised by their new adorable gay dad’s who teach them about the secret organization, and they go on adventures, and confront all the scary things in the Baudelaires’ life as a family?

being at school with undiagnosed adhd - a text post

- where’s my classroom

- *after ten minute explanation on what we’re doing today* okay but what are we doing today??

- “i don’t need to write down my homework, i can remember it” *1 week later* “where’s your homework” “oops”

- seriously where is my classroom i swear it was on this floor

- *every school report* “[insert name] is very bright/intelligent/clever but needs to apply themselves/make an effort to focus/pull their finger out/pull their socks up/work harder”

- leg bounce leg bounce leg bounce “stop bouncing your leg!” “sorry” leg bounce leg bounce

- teacher…..has…..name….???

- *finally finishes reading first exam question* *exam ends*

- leg bounce leg bounce leg bounce

- live life on the edge (the edge is the two back legs of your chair)

- always managing be the patsy when schemes go wrong

- leg bounce

how i always think writing will go: okay i’ve plotted out everything, i just need to write the actions that fit together. which is hard, but i’ve planned well enough that i can get through this chapter if i just keep at it

how writing actually ends up going: i have a plot hole because of soup

THEY ARE TELLING A DIFFERENT STORY WITH MALEC. HOLY SHIT. YES, WE GOT JACE BEING VERY HETEROSEXUAL AND WITH LOTS OF GIRLS THIS EPISODE, BUT UM, WAS THERE EMOTION? NO?? LIKE WHY IS EVERYONE LOSING THEIR SHIT OVER JACE SLEEPING WITH AND HANGING OUT AT A BAR WITH RANDOM WOMEN? I GENUINELY DON’T GET IT. WTF DOES JACE HAVE TO DO WITH MALEC? WE HAD THREE MALEC KISSES AND AN ALMOST KISS, WHICH FOLLOWED A REALLY BEAUTIFUL MOMENT BETWEEN THE TWO. WE HAD BOTH MAGNUS AND ALEC TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER TO SOMEONE THEY TRUST. WE HAD MAGNUS ADMITTING THAT HE IS VULNERABLE AND AFRAID OF LOSING ALEC. THE ONE THING WE DIDN’T GET WAS AN EXPLICIT SEX SCENE. SO YOU GUYS ARE COMPARING THAT TO JACE??? I AM LITERALLY IN AWE RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE I SEE ZERO CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TWO. JACE WAS AN EMOTIONLESS SHELL THIS ENTIRE EPISODE, AND SOMEHOW YOU’RE ANGRY THAT MALEC DIDN’T GET ENOUGH COMPARED TO HIM? “MALEC-MANIA” DOESN’T JUST MEAN THEM IN BED TOGETHER. WE DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THEY HAD SEX OR NOT. I CAN’T HONESTLY BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE COMPLAINING AND COMPARING THESE TWO VERY UNRELATED ASPECTS OF THE EPISODE. WTF. I’M ALREADY SO TIRED OF SEEING THIS BS ON MY DASH. I’VE TRIED TO BE CALM AND HAPPY AND NICE AND POSITIVE. BUT SERIOUSLY, CAN WE STOP ALREADY?

Remember when the Shadowhunters fandom was positive and happy and filled with love? Yeah, I miss that fandom.

(I’m not saying people can’t be upset that they were tricked into thinking there’d be a sex scene, but I don’t understand how people can relate this to Jace as if Jace wasn’t a mess this entire episode.)

sinners like us (saeran x reader, part I)

rating: 18+ (707 route spoilers, suicide ideation)

notes: ah. here it is. the hospital sinfic i’ve been dropping hints about for like two or three weeks. i’ll add a summary when i can actually think of one. um, i’m not going to lie, the intentions here is for this fic to get pretty dark.i think the current projection is 9 to 12 parts and each chapter will have it’s own set of warnings and some may include acts of violence, abuse and sexual content. so please be aware- for that reason this isn’t a fic for everyone, but it is a story i really wanted to tell. so for those of you who decide to read, i do hope you enjoy. < (_ _) >

chapter 1 | chapter 2 |

Keep reading

Think about this : 

Graves is found. Shackled, starved, bruises and cuts all over, but he’s found, and healed. Physically, at least. Progressively. He gets money from the MACUSA as an apology, and thousands of well wishes cards and love letters from fans he didn’t know he had. Praising his bravery. Wishing him a good recovery. 

Keep reading

Chains

Ship: Wolfstar
Warnings: Angst


One week out

Sirius opened his eyes and sighed at the warmth he was feeling around him. After many years in Azkaban he was so thirsty for what he didn’t get in the prison. He turned around on the pillow and found himself facing Remus who was looking at him with soft eyes that were doubting. Doubting that Sirius was here. After one week he still couldn’t believe the black haired man was lying next to him. He reached out his hand to touch his cheek. Sirius pushed his cheek into Remus’ touch. “Good morning…”, he said and moved a bit closer. It had been a long night because of his nightmares but Remus had comforted him. As soon he had felt his arms around him he could relax. “Good morning. Are you okay?”, Remus asked softly while bending to Sirius to kiss his forehead. “You slept better than the last nights.” Sirius wasn’t really sure if he was okay. But he felt much better since he was here. Of course he did but there still was the feeling that everything was too much. Living in the dark and cold prison listening to the talking and the screams of the inmates day and night made him feel weird now he was having all the comfort and freedom. It would need a long time until he would be able to really feel at home again. But Remus was already giving his best to make him feel good. When Sirius himself was raising his hand to touch Remus as well he felt a sudden weight around his wrist, making him flinch. He grabbed his wrist and sat up. He could still feel the heavy chains around it. His breath fastened for a second before he felt Remus’ arms wrapped around his body and calmed down again. “Thank you…”, he whispered and gave him a tentative smile.
Sirius still couldn’t believe he was finally here. Every second he thought he’d wake up thinking it was just a dream. But it just felt too real to be a dream. Remus close too him felt too good. And he had the smell of forest, tea and chocolate all around him. Whenever he could smell it he instantly felt better.
Slowly Remus pulled back his arms and got out of the bed. “I will make us some hot chocolate. It’ll make you feel better”, he said with a soft smile and left the room making Sirius staying back. The first five days he had been following Remus scared of being left alone. But he now understood he’d come back though he still felt uncomfortable. He pulled the blanket higher while digging his fingers into it. Soon after Remus came back and when Sirius was drinking the hot chocolate he was indeed feeling better.


One month out

While the days were going by Sirius finally could relax when being at home alone. At least during the day while he needed Remus in the night. He couldn’t be without him. The darkness scared him too much. During the full moon he stayed with Remus as well, taking care of him after the transformation as well. He was still used to it after doing that at school. He also didn’t feel that useless anymore. Though the feeling vanished soon after again.
Remus couldn’t leave whenever he wanted because of Sirius’ anxieties of being alone especially when it was dark outside. Sirius wasn’t happy about that. He didn’t want to tie Remus down and though he said it was okay Sirius knew it wasn’t. Not at all. Sometimes it made him aggressive and he started throwing things around. But at least he forgot to be afraid during this times.
As the months went by even that got better and he was okay with being alone in the evening and on better days also during the night. Of course it was always better when Remus was with him and he was having nightmares whenever he was alone. Over all he still felt better compared to some weeks before.
Remus was glad seeing Sirius’ condition getting better. But he still was worried. Sometimes when Sirius reached out for him he cringed, pressing his hands to his body because of no particular reason. Whenever he asked Sirius answered he felt like he would still be wearing the chains and sometimes he just felt a sudden weight around his wrists.
Remus didn’t question it and Sirius was glad he didn’t. He wouldn’t want to talk about it anyway.

Keep reading

youtube

vgbfcdbfghjm someone fic this

Happier.

You were Namjoon’s guilty little pleasure. 

Warning: Very mature content. 

Originally posted by kths

For the first time in a very longtime, Namjoon didn’t have to fake his smile. It came too naturally that he found himself randomly grinning at everything and nothing. Even the boys were suspicious of him and his sudden energy.

He couldn’t wait to go back home knowing you would be waiting for him. It was a promise, a gift, for working hard, which he did. Namjoon didn’t waste another second after the fan-meeting was done, he didn’t even say a proper goodbye, before jolting out.

Other people might deem him a fool, which is why he kept your relationship a secret. It was definitely not taboo but, with his kind of job, it could become a weakness. Neither of you wanted that.

That didn’t stop it from being insanely hard, trying to juggle both his career and personal life without having to give up one for the other. Namjoon was trying and for that you were understanding. As long as he didn’t leave you waiting for too long, you would always be there, that was the promise. And, so far, neither of you broke it.

On the ride back, Namjoon couldn’t help but scroll through the pictures he took, pictures you didn’t know he took, that kept him going while he was away.

Unlocking the door, the dorm was quiet. He knew the boys wouldn’t be coming home any time soon which meant more prolonged alone time with you. He took off his shoes before slowly stepping into the house.

He could already see you in the kitchen, oblivious to his presence. A smile crept onto his face once again and he took a moment just to admire the beauty that he was lucky to call his. It was always the best moment of his day, when he first sees you. It still feels like the first time he fell in love with the taste of you.

Quietly, he stepped around the dinner table to slowly reach for you. You fit perfectly in his grip, something he always loved. No matter what anyone said, or hardships along the way, the feeling of you against his skin always managed to soothe and calm his nerves.


It was just perfect. He was alone, no one to disturb his moment,

“ I have you now ” Namjoon whispered ever so gently, ever so quietly, grabbing you. He waited for you to say something to react but you did nothing. It made him want you more.

His lips just a breath away, his fingers tight around you, he closed in the distance and bit slowly.

“ Such a beautiful apple ” Namjoon breathed out in relief, finally in ecstasy.

Namjoon was a hungry apple man, but now, he was a happy apple man.


Look, if I fooled you twice with this shit, you only have yourself to blame.

Also, can you tell that I’ve low-key given up on life?