okay gonna go and hug a pillow and sob


(requested by @city-girl0809)

As you sit at your kitchen table, eating your cereal and scrolling through your phone, your room mate, Josh, walks in, shirtless and still groggy from sleep.

“Hey, Y/N,” he says, yawning and running a hand through his messy, red hair. He smiles sleepily at you. His brown eyes are soft and beautiful in the early sunlight. His toned chest was hard to keep your eyes away from, and his colorful tattoo sleeve was beautiful. You smile back, trying not to stare.

“Good morning, Josh. You look like you slept well,” you say. He nods, rustling around in the cabinets, and starts a pot of coffee. You catch yourself staring at his back muscles as he moves around, and blush and remove your eyes.

Stop it. 

“Yeah, not really,” he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “I get these- nightmares, and they’re, uh, pretty bad sometimes. But I’ll be fine.” he smiles to cover it up. You frown slightly.

“Aw, Josh, why didn’t you tell me?” you ask. He shrugs.

“Nothing important,” he says. His coffee beeps, and he grabs it and pours it into a mug, then sits across from you at the table. “Tyler’s coming over later, is that okay with you?” you nod. Tyler was Josh’s best friend and band mate and came over all the time.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you say, smiling. He stares at you for a couple seconds, and you feel your cheeks heat up. “Why’re you staring at me?”

“Because you’re beautiful,” he says, then widens his eyes and blushes, dropping his stare. You blush harder and smile to yourself. 

Josh just called me beautiful.

“Thank you,” you say. Your heart is beating rapidly, your mind reeling. 

The moment is interrupted by the door being knocked on, and Josh nearly throws himself from the table, saying, “I’ve got it.” He opens the door, and there stands Tyler, smiling at both of you. You wave slightly, and Josh says that he’s going to the bathroom, so Tyler walks over and sits by you.

“How’re you doing?” he asks, smiling. He grabs Josh’s coffee and takes a sip. You laugh.

“I’m okay. Just a little worried,” you say, remembering Josh mentioning his nightmares.

“Why? Are you okay?” Tyler asks, concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just… did you know Josh has nightmares?” you ask, and Tyler’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, he’s been having them for as long as I’ve known him. It’s his anxiety getting to him while he sleeps,” Tyler says.

“Well, he just told me. I didn’t know. Like… it hurts me to know that he’s hurting and that even when he sleeps he’s tormented,” you say. You stare into your cereal, swirling it around with your spoon. “Tyler- I’m in love with Josh.” Tyler nearly spits out his coffee. “I know, it’s bad. It just really, really makes me upset to know that something’s wrong and I can’t help. I love him a lot.”

“For how long?”

“For a while. Let’s see… we’ve been room mates for two years now? I started liking him when we moved in together, fell in love about a year ago,” you say, “I fell in love with the little things. Like… how when he smiles or laughs really hard, his eyes get all squinty and his tongue pokes through his teeth. How he always has his cup of coffee in the morning. How he always looks at me when I talk. How he always lets me wear his clothes outside. The way he comes home from band practice with split knuckles and bloody hands and asks me to help clean it all up. How he moves, the way he breathes… I just love everything about him, and sometimes it makes me so upset to know he’ll never love me back that much.” you start to cry, and Tyler gets up and wraps you in a hug.

“Aw, y/n… don’t cry. I would tell you he loves you back, but we’ve never really talked about it before. Who knows, maybe he loves you too, okay?” you nod against his shoulder, and when you pull away, he wipes your tears away. “Now we should shut up, he’s gonna be back soon.” You smile and thank Tyler. 

What were you going to do?


The time reads 1:34 a.m. You can’t sleep. You groan and get up, and walk to Josh’s room, peeking in. What you see shocks you.

Josh is curled up in a ball on his bed, sobbing, pillow pulled over his head. You rush over and touch his bicep, tears welling in your eyes. Josh flies up, chest heaving up and down, and looks at you. Your heart breaks, and you  immediately grab Josh into a hug.

“Josh, sh, baby, you’ll be okay,” you whisper, letting him cry into your torso. You run your hands through his hair, making soothing noises. He eventually calms down enough where you can get him to lie down with you in his bed, with you still touching his hair and whispering to him. 

He finally looks like he’s fallen asleep, and you take a moment to cry for yourself, worried about him. You knew he’d just had a nightmare. It hurt you to see how much emotional pain they caused him. Suddenly, Josh stirred.

“Y/N,” Josh whispers, looking up at you. “I heard some things today… you were talking to Tyler and you said you were… in love with me.” your stomach dropped. This was it. He was going to say he hated you. “Why?” your heart stopped.

“Why do I love you?” you whisper, voice shaky. He nods his head. “Well… you’re the sweetest person I know. You open doors for me, let me wear your clothes, cook for me, buy me things, you’re nicer to me than anyone has ever been. You’re beautiful. Your eyes are a much prettier brown than mine. Your hair is so soft and you look great with red hair. Your laugh is music to my ears. It makes me so happy to hear you laugh. Your smile with the squinty eyes and the way your tongue pokes through your teeth can make me smile at any time. Everything you do is perfect, your drumming is so amazing and it makes me so proud of you.” you swallow. “And… there’s many reasons I can’t put into words why I love you.” there’s silence.

“Y/N?” he asks, voice choked with tears.


“I’m in love with you, too.” he says, sitting up. He looks deep into your eyes. “I love you because you let me buy you things, you wear my clothes, you let me love you. You’re so beautiful and perfect. I love how you read the comics even though you’re much older than a kid. You always eat Cookie Crisp. You watch so much Netflix, even if it’s something I want to watch that you don’t like. You’re so perfect, and fuck, I’m gonna kiss you now.” he immediately crashes his lips to yours. The kiss is lustful at first, but turns into slow and passionate. You pull away and look into his eyes. “Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?” you nod and hug him tightly.