no i am literally a wreck right now let me explain how i slowly got triggered into a small ball of paranoid fury and am having to use every ounce of my strength to keep myself at least silent and not just snarling madly thanks to this rlyb ad double frotn thats happenign in my head right now and making it hard to functionm
its really stupid but ok so we got our roommate/ex for secret santa (valentines) edition in my class and ok so theyre our friend and we want them to have a nice gift especially since theyve been depressed and maybe it would help but we fUCKING DID NOT WANT THEM TO KNOW T WAS FROM US BECAUSE THAT MAKES US INTENSELY PARANOID im woozy from anxiety and starting to cry just talking about it
anyway so i fucking texted all of my roommates and my only friend who knows im paranoid and mentally ill and how badly this would make me feel cuz i was trying to coordinate a way to get this gift to them. secretly. ok. but one of the items in it had to be refridgerated/had pretty fresh (boba tea)
and NONE. NO ONE FUCKING TEXTED ME BACK IN FOUR HOURS so i fucking spent a bunch of time in the parking lot just having a fucking meltdown before just getting it and praying they wouldnt be home so I could like put it in the fridge and they’d just find it and not rly know who got it for them and i could say ‘ur secret santa… someone else……. got that’ i don’t know
but no of course I get home and not only are they home EVERYONE ELSE IS HOME and hanging out so i fucking…. ok i was not and am not acting rationally at this point…i stormed past everyone to put my groceries away, handed them the bag and went ‘iwasyoursecretsantavalentinethinghere’ and stormed off and am now huddled in a blanket in the corner because I intensely fear this person and how obsessed they have been with me and i dont want to give them any wrong ideas and now im just crying a lot FUCK fate im never doing a secret santa thing again
i think that rather than saying “you’re not manipulative” or “you’re not abusive” to mentally ill people it’s more important to say “you’re not inherently manipulative” or “you’re not
inherently abusive” because of course mentally ill people can be either or both of those things, but the problem is that people think we are by default.