Ok i have so many feels about 3x18 and I’m kinda overwhelmed rn but I have to vent so here it is…
“I’m putting my life in your hands. I trust you, Julian.” Guys, these are not some insignificant, inconsequential words thrown out there. This is quite heavy. When someone tells you they’re putting their life in your hands, you feel responsible for their wellbeing in a way cisco and barry standing to the side and biting their lips in worry won’t ever do.
It doesn’t matter that they knew Caitlin far longer than julian did, and it’s not even that Julian is obviously in love with Caitlin which, going by how barry has been taking every damn decision in his life with regard to Iris, will make him behave less rationally and more emotionally. It is simply the fact that Julian feels responsible for Cait’s life, and if anything happens to her, it is Julian who will end up having the worst case of self-loathing and an unredeemable sense of failure. It is easy for Cisco to make a half-assed attempt to stop Julian from removing the necklace cuz he’s not feeling directly responsible for Caitlin’s life, but Julian doesn’t have that luxury. All he’s thinking at that moment is, ‘she trusted me with her life. She trusted me to save her. I can’t just let her die. I have to do something!’
“If you hit them, there’s a good chance I go into shock.” “Shock?” when he says that word, it is obvious that he is practically going into shock himself. Caitlin is putting him under a lot of stress and pressure by letting him know any slight wrong move would end up killing her, thus, in a way making everyone forget that it was actually Kadabra, and by extension Joe, who led to her predicament in the first place and if she dies it’s on them, not on Julian. A lot of pressure not just for someone who’s not operated on anyone in his entire life, but also someone who has deep feelings for her and her wellbeing matters to him more than anybody else’ in his life at the time.
“You are immensely brave.” Julian says to Cait, but I think if anyone had been ‘immensely brave’ during this whole episode, it was Julian who realized that he might be the only one ‘brave’ enough to operate on Cait even tho he had no idea what he was doing. Caitlin was trying to save her own life, she can be brave while doing that but it’s not like being brave while trying to save someone else’ life. That’s what I call ‘immense bravery’ worthy of praise.
Julian took off the necklace while I think it should’ve been Cisco to take on that responsibility. Don’t tell me Cisco would’ve let Cait die because that’s what a ‘true’ friend would’ve done. I mean, if Iris were to tell Barry to cease all his efforts to save her and let the future happen, would you expect Barry to respect her wish? And let’s not forget that the show has essentially given Barry the easy way out by NOT making Iris put him in that situation, so that any mistake he makes is forgivable because Iris is the one asking him to do anything he can to save her.
I’m not sure how some of you guys can come to the conclusion that Julian has been the selfish one. I mean, from my perspective he was probably the most selfless one in everything that he’s ever done. Caitlin was selfish for dumping all this responsibility on him to save her life, Cisco was selfish for not taking any part in that responsibility, Joe was selfish for releasing Kadabra to save his own daughter, Cynthia was selfish for making Kadabra’s arrest a personal revenge and not thinking of a way to cooperate with team flash, Iris was selfish for telling Barry they couldn’t let Kadabra go until they learned who Savitar was, and Barry was selfish for making Iris’ life the only life that is worth protecting. And let’s not forget, when everyone was angsting over who savitar is and how iris was possibly going to die in 2 months, Julian was the only one sitting by Cait’s bed, making sure she was going to pull through this. I actually wish Julian was selfish, maybe then he’d start taking better care of himself when no one else (not even the audience) cares much about what he’s going through.