ok this is tricky but i watched it how it aired so

Axes and Ohs

Originally posted by ohstylesno

the one where Harry’s masculinity is validated, Y/N is a needy hoe and adores herself for it, and once again Nick is left to make everything magically work out.

Hi! I thought your idea was super precious and I loved it, because I think we all had heart pains watching that Boo throwing axes like he was a lumberjack out in the mountains of our souls. (For anyone following the ‘timeline’, this would take place between Don’t Leave, Stay and Am I A Sure Thing? This is mainly b/c I wanted Nick to be a tricky hoe. :-) )

The group chat wasn’t the same after the BBC show aired. 

Y/N was horrendously offended they hadn’t invited her (because that was her fucking day off and they had known it, couldn’t the producers cut out the footage with her anyway?) and was relentlessly switching between passive-aggressively bringing it up and directly informing her boys she was going to ignore them “for the rest of 4ever”. That wouldn’t last long, though, but Y/N felt they weren’t grasping her overall point.

Harry usually replied with “:-(“s and Nick would send memes from 2008. They weren’t very respectful, she felt. Although she was mostly teasing, there was a bit of offense that they hadn’t thought to invite her. Work had been cluttering up her mind for the majority of the week, and she often called Nick at night so they could rant to each other about everything. Cheaper than a therapist, they had both figured. So, Nick knew how stressed she had been, how it bogged down her mind and kept her up at night. How deadlines swarmed against her skull and kept her fingers itching for more work, to get more done. And Nick had promised to organize something, so they could all do something together, and Y/N’s left to find out that him and Harry hung out without her? It’s like Snapchat but worse, because the whole world saw it and was constantly tagging her in the photos.

Her boys eventually decided it would be a nice surprise to bring her to an ax-throwing range, to get her to shut up, and to show what lovely people they were. A quality compromise.

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Pulsar’s 10 Favorite Anime Of 2016

It’s time for my Top 10 Favorite Anime Of 2016 List!

A few things to keep in mind:

1. Im not including any sequel series (which means Sound Euphonium 2 and Food Wars: The Second Plate arent on my list, although theyre both great shows and definitely worth checking out).

2. This is strictly my opinion. If you dont see a show you liked on here, Im not bashing it or saying its not any good.

3. Im only including shows I watched all the way through to the end. There are some shows I didnt get a chance to finish like Mob Psycho 100, Orange and Shouwa Genroku that I need to revisit.

With that all said, here we go with the Honorable Mentions!  

—-

HONORABLE MENTION #1: PLEASE TELL ME, GALKO-CHAN!

This is a really fun series of comedy shorts revolving around three high school girls: an otaku, a gyaru (think the Japanese equivalent of a valley girl) and a sweet but airheaded rich girl. Most of the humor is sex-related and yet the show never feels mean-spirited. Definitely worth checking out if you want something quick to watch and laugh at.


HONORABLE MENTION #2: MAGICAL GIRL RAISING PROJECT

Dark takes on the “magical girl” genre have become more and more commonplace in the aftermath of Madoka Magica. This show revolves around a mobile app game that allows you to create your own magical girl, and gives 1 in 10,000 players the ability to become a real-life superhero. But soon things take a dark and violent turn.

What separates this show from the pack is the sheer variety of powers and abilities that it features. All the girls (and one guy) have different motivations for wanting to be a superhero, and their powers are diverse and interesting. Dont let the cute art fool you: this is NOT for young kids.


HONORABLE MENTION #3: SHE AND HER CAT - EVERYTHING FLOWS

The only reason I wound up not including this show in my top ten is because its literally 4 five minute episodes. But man does it pack a punch, especially if you love animals.

This is a short series about a young woman and her aging pet cat. The show is entirely from the point of view of the cat, and you see how he views the world and how he views his owner with unconditional love. If youve ever owned a pet, take the time to watch this one.

—–

And now its time for my Top 10 Anime of 2016. Here we go!

#10: MYRIAD COLORS PHANTOM WORLD

KyoAni’s first series of 2016 was this overlooked fun little fantasy gem about a near future in which a virus has caused people to be able to perceive extra-dimensional and paranormal beings around them. The main characters are four students of a special school for students with special abilities who can seal off and fight phantoms, or in some cases help them resolve their unfinished business so they can move on.

This show got a lot of attention early on in 2016 and just as fast seemed to drop off the radar, mostly because people seemed disappointed that it wasnt a darker/more “serious” show. But thats okay. Sometimes I just want to be entertained. And Myriad Colors does that.

#9: KONOSUBA - GOD’S BLESSING ON THIS WONDERFUL WORLD!

Konosuba is the first of two “trapped in a fantasy world” anime series on my Top 10 list. This is a trope that has been done to death, but where this one won me over was in the sheer irreverence it has for its own genre.

The main character, after dying in a rather embarrassing fashion, is magically transported to a fantasy world by a goddess who turns out to be a bit of a screw-up. In order to find work in this new world, he assembles a motley crew including a masochistic knight and a mage who only want to blow things up. Sound ridiculous? It is. And it’s absolutely hilarious.

KONOSUBA returns for a 2nd season starting this month, so you have time to catch up before then!


#8: IZETTA THE LAST WITCH 

In an alternate version of World War II, the archduchess of a small country about to invaded by the Germans is kidnapped… but is then rescued by her childhood friend, who turns out to be the last witch on Earth. The witch volunteers her help in defending her friend’s country from the invaders, and soon the tide has turned in a BIG way.

Do you like watching WWII-era dogfights? Imagine one with a witch flying around using a giant rifle as a broom and blowing Nazi planes out of the sky. If that doesn’t sound cool to you, I don’t know what to say. Check this one out if you like badass female leads and awesome action sequences.


#7: KIZNAIVER

Studio TRIGGER (Kill La Kill) returned in 2016 with this sci-fi series about a group of teenagers who are forced to be part of an experiment linking them emotionally. This show connected (see what I did there) with me on multiple levels. Adolescence can be an insanely painful part of life, and many people never move on past the things that are done and said to them during this time. The characters on this show, even if they aren’t always likeable, are always UNDERSTANDABLE. I genuinely felt for all of them and wanted them to end up OK. If you like sci-fi but want something different, give this one a go.


#6: 91 DAYS

This is another great series that seemed to fly under the radar this year. I never heard many of my friends who are into anime talking about this one, and its a shame, because this show is something special.

91 DAYS is set during Prohibition and is about a young man whose entire family is murdered by the Mafia. Seven years later, while in hiding, he receives a letter giving him the names of the men responsible, and he begins to work his way into the family in order to destroy it from the inside out.

This is a fantastic revenge story, with some twists and turns you won’t expect and a darkness to it that stuck with me a long time after it ended.

#5: PLANETARIAN

“I am just a little broken…”

Prepare to have your heart a LOT broken.

PLANETARIAN takes place in a post-apocalyptic future where hostile machines have taken over the Earth. A “junker” is scavenging for supplies in a department store when he is greeted by the android mascot of the store’s rooftop planetarium… who has been in stasis for years and has no idea what has happened to the world. The junker initially wants nothing to do with her but realizing he has nowhere to go decides to hide out in the planetarium for a while, and soon gets roped into fixing the projector so the android can present the show to any guests who may show up.

If you like your sci-fi with a healthy dose of feels, check this one out. Its only 5 episodes long but it stuck with me long after I watched it, and I’ll likely be coming back to rewatch it many times in the future.

#4: YURI!!! ON ICE

Yes, an anime about gay male figure skaters made my top 10 list? Why? Because its an awesome goddamn show, that’s why.

After suffering a complete meltdown at the previous World Finals, Yuri has given up on skating and has decided to come home to Japan. No sooner has he returned than his idol, a Russian figure skater named Victor, shows up at his doorstep… wanting to become his coach.

This show is consistently fun to watch, with great animation, some incredible skating sequences, and arguably the best romantic couple of the year in anime. And tell me the opening song doesn’t get you pumped, and I’ll call you a lying sack of shit. Yuri On Ice is awesome. Watch it. Like, now. 

—–

My top 3 is where it gets tricky, because any of these next three shows could have been my #1. I’d rank them all at the top in terms of quality, so I’m going with them in the order of which ones had the most emotional impact on me personally.

#3: KABANERI OF THE IRON FORTRESS

If you liked Attack On Titan, this is better. Yes, I said it. I love Attack On Titan, but this is a better show. 


Set in an alternate timeline during the Industrial Revolution in Japan, a virus causes people to transform into walking corpses who soon overrun the entire country. Humans are forced to barricade themselves in walled cities and use armor-plated trains to travel from fortress to fortress. One day, in the middle of his home being overrun by the “kabane,” a young engineer who has been working on a new steam-powered weapon designed to defeat the monsters is bitten by one of them… but instead of transforming all the way, he becomes a kabaneri, a human/kabane hybrid. He joins up with a fellow female kabaneri and the survivors of his fallen city in an attempt to make their way to safety on board one of the armored trains.

This show is essentially a nonstop chase sequence through the first half, and political intrigue comes into play halfway through. If you like nonstop action, gore and terror, this is your ticket to ride.

#2: RE:ZERO
I watched the first episode of this show the day after it aired, got bored, and didn’t come back to it…until about three months later, when I kept hearing people talk about the show and how it was affecting them. While on a road trip I decided to give it another shot, and ended up binge-watching the entire series in one go. It’s that good.

RE:ZERO is about a young man who, after shopping at a convenience store, suddenly finds himself in a fantasy world straight out of the games and shows he loves. While initially thrilled to be there, he finds out rather quickly that he is completely out of his element and ends up dying a rather grisly death… only to find himself back where he started from when he first showed up in the new world. It turns out that he has the ability to come back after dying to a certain “save point” (which changes over time), and while no one around him remembers the previous timeline, he does.

So, all good right? No matter what happens you can come back and fix it? Well, not so fast. Imagine falling in love with someone only for them to not remember who you are or things you’ve talked about. Imagine seeing the people you care about die over and over again because you keep messing up. Imagine making mistakes, thinking you can fix them by dying… and coming back further along in the timeline and NOT being able to undo them.

This show takes all the issues I usually have with the “transported to a fantasy world” genre and not only addresses them but essentially makes them the focus of the show. The main character alternates between being funny and likeable and selfish and arrogant, and while he can be hard to like at times, he’s easy to understand and identify with. The supporting characters are fantastic (including arguably my favorite female character of the year, Rem the demon maid) and the story has many twists and turns, with many more to come as the show has been confirmed for second season.

I’ve never been so glad that I gave an anime a second chance as I am with RE:ZERO. Definitely check this one out.

#1: ERASED

Imagine this: when you’re a child, two of your friends and a third child you don’t know but is in your class are murdered. You were the last person to see the third victim alive, but didn’t do or say anything, and you have felt guilty ever since.

Since then, you have had a curse: every once in a while, you will relive the same three to five minutes over and over again, Groundhog Day style, until you change something. It might mean pushing someone out of the way of a car, it might mean stopping a purse snatcher. But you are stuck until you fix what needs to be fixed.

Now imagine, after coming home to find a loved one murdered, you are blamed for the crime and are about to be arrested when you feel that same “rewind” effect happening… only when you open your eyes, it is 1988, you are 11 years old walking to school (but with your 29 year old mind intact), and the murders from your childhood are about to happen again.

What would you do?

ERASED is the best anime of 2016. No other show excited me, terrified me, made me think, made me cry, or made me remember as much as this show did. Even if you don’t like anime, watch this show. It’s my #1 for a reason.

Thanks for taking the time to check out my list! If you see a favorite of yours from 2016 that’s missing, shoot me a message and I’ll check it out! 

Words- Sidney Crosby

Originally posted by wonthetrade

Ok so I hope you guys like this one! Apparently a lot of people like dirty Sid XD So I went with that! So if you aren’t reading this one up next is: Tyler Seguin! If you are then enjoy!

Warning: Smut, sex, smexy time, cursing

Anon Request: I know you have a lot on your plate for writing so please take your time. But can I request Sidney Crosby post Stanley Cup smut ? Keep up the writing 😘

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Are You Gonna Marry Her?

Just a little something inspired by a post I saw about Jellybean meeting Betty and embarrassing Jughead!

Warning: mentions of steamy Bughead


“Hey, Juggie, where are you?” Betty spoke into her phone, leaning slightly to look out of the window, shifting her curtains with a delicate hand to get a better view of Archie’s house from where she stood. “You don’t exactly live that far,” she joked.

“Err, I’ll be right there,” Jughead replied, his voice a little off.

“Is everything ok?” 

“…yeah. Yeah, it’s fine. I just- I’m bringing a guest,” Jughead said cryptically. He sounded distracted, but Betty knew him well enough by now to know that there was something else underlying his wary tone. He sounded… amused?

“Well, ok. I’ll be here,” she chirped, hanging up the phone after his last promise that he’d be right over. They were supposed to be studying for a History test together. In reality, Betty had just returned from a cheer retreat and she hadn’t seen her boyfriend for over a week and she couldn’t wait to get her hands on him. She felt the tell-tale blush creep over her cheeks and spread out across her chest at the thought of Jughead’s lips on hers, on her neck, her collarbone, his hands slipping beneath her shirt…

She took a steadying breath. They hadn’t actually gone all the way yet. Jughead had confided in her about how he felt. He’d never really felt these kinds of feelings before, what he said he thought were typical teenage boy feelings had never made themselves known to him before he fell for Betty. But he still wasn’t sure what he was comfortable with, he’d told her while averting his eyes, a very out of place pink staining his cheeks while his fingers fiddled with the edge of her shirt peeking out from beneath her pale blue sweater. She’d cupped his face, waiting for him to look at her in the eyes before speaking, telling him that it was ok, that it was all ok. He could feel however he wanted and that was normal, they didn’t have to rush anything or push harder than he wanted. She was here for him, whatever he needed. He’d taken a breath, his shoulders relaxing visibly, before leaning in for a lingering kiss. She knew him now, all of him.

She was surprised, since their talk, at the fervour that slipped into their physical relationship. It was almost as if, Jughead had once told her, he hadn’t really known how to breathe before he’d found her. That every touch of her skin against his lit up a fire within him that he wasn’t aware was waiting to be sparked. He craved it. 

Just before she’d had to leave last week she found herself on her bed, seated in his lap as his hands wrestled desperately with the clasp at the back of her bra. 

“Who designs these things, NASA?” he griped, still failing to undo the tricky hooks while deflecting his teenage embarrassment. She laughed with a glint in her eye and reached round to help him, undoing it with one hand. “Showoff.”

All snarky humour vanished, though, as the offending material fell between them, leaving Betty’s chest bare before him for the first time. He gulped, moving his eyes down slightly, still feeling like he was witnessing something forbidden. 

“Is this ok?” she’d asked, and his chest tightened at her concern. Even here, laid vulnerable before him she was still worried if she had taken things too far for him. He shook his head. He wanted her to know how much he wanted her. He brought up a shaky hand to gently cup the soft mound, running his thumb experimentally across the dark pink peak. Betty’s head fell back, her mouth falling open to let out a deep moan that had all the blood in Jughead’s body rushing south, creating a feeling he wasn’t used to but was certainly coming to like. He gripped the back of her neck and pulled her mouth to his, tongue exploring along with his hands in desperation, willing her to be closer to him. Her hips ground down on his and he could have sworn he was a goner.

The sound of a car horn outside pulled them apart, chests heaving, which Jughead definitely didn’t mind in that moment, as they tried to catch their breath. Betty covered her chest modestly as she leaned to look out her window.

“It’s Veronica, I’ve got to go,” she breathed. Jughead groaned, letting his head fall against her collarbone. “To be continued,” she’d promised, biting her lip teasingly.

And that’s what she’d been hoping for now, the memory allowing an anticipatory tingle to settle in the pit of her stomach. Which is why it was concerning her that Jughead was so late. She’d even told him they’d have the house to themselves this afternoon. 

Betty was bought out of her daydream by a dark figure making its way out of Archie’s house and across the street… two dark figures. She squinted to get a better look, noticing the way Jughead turned back, grabbing the little girl’s hand before they crossed the street. 

“Hey, Juggie,” Betty said, questioningly, after answering the door. “Who’s this?” He gave her an apologetic look.

“Hey, Betts. This is my sister, Jellybean. Jellybean, this is Betty.” The little girl turned to him with an annoyed look. 

“I already told you, it’s JB now.” She turned to Betty. “He never listens to me,” she snarked, rolling her eyes in an adorably grown-up way. Betty chuckled, eyes flicking between the two.

“Hi, JB. I didn’t know you’d be visiting,” Betty said, her sunshine smile lighting up her face. 

“Yeah, well mom had to go to a class out of town and I told her it had been forever since I’d seen Juggie so she dropped me off on her way,” the little girl grinned up at her big brother, revealing a missing tooth.

“That’s so sweet. Why don’t you come in? There’re snacks in my room, we were just going to study but I wouldn’t want to take away your time with Jughead,” Betty said graciously, motioning up the stairs. 

“That’s ok, I have some homework to do too,” Jellybean replied, heading straight for the stairs. Betty chuckled as she watched the confident girl go. 

“I’m sorry, Betts, I know it was supposed to be our time but when mom phoned-” Betty silenced him with a long awaited kiss. He melted in front of her.

“It’s ok, Jugs. We’ll have all the time in the world later. She’s family.” Betty turned to follow Jellybean up the stairs and dig out the History books she didn’t know she’d actually have to use today. Jughead stared after her with an awed smile. She was perfect. 

He found them in Betty’s room, Jellybean peering around in wonderment, nosing through Betty’s dressing table. 

“I like your room, I wish mine was as nice as this,” she said, longing coating her voice.

“Well maybe Jug and I could take a trip to come and see you soon and we could help you decorate. How does that sound? I’ll even bring some of the things I don’t need anymore, I’m sure I’ve got a spare set of twinkle lights lying around somewhere,” Betty smiled, giving the girl her full and genuine attention.

“Oh, could you, Juggie? That’d be just the best!” JB turned to look at him, hope shining in her eyes, fingers clutching at Betty’s soft pink duvet. He smirked, shaking his head slightly at the pair before him.

“Sure, JB. We could do that,” he replied, heart swelling with pride for his beautiful girlfriend, gazing back at him with the prettiest smile he’d ever seen. 

The day passed peacefully among the three of them, an afternoon of studying, snacks and a few movies when they grew tired of work. Eventually, Jellybean’s eyes started to drift closed and Jughead tapped her gently to rouse her.

“Time to go, jumping bean,” he murmured as she stirred, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and going to find her shoes. Jughead and Betty followed her down the stairs where they stood, facing each other, in front of the door. 

“I had a lovely day,” Betty murmured bashfully, looking up at him from beneath her thick lashes. He slipped his hand around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss, leaving behind the promise of their continuation against her lips. 

“Me too,” he mumbled. Jellybean cleared her throat when they hadn’t broken their gaze for a moment or two. Jughead dropped his hands from her. “Night, Betts.” 

“Goodnight, Betty!” Jellybean called as they descended the steps to the Cooper house. 

“Night, JB!”

“I like her, she’s nice,” Betty heard Jellybean tell Jughead as they stood waiting to cross the street. Jughead laughed. 

“Yeah, she’s pretty great.”

“Are you going to marry her?” Jellybean asked suddenly, a little too loudly in the quiet night air.

“Jellybean!” Jughead shouted, turning back to look at where Betty could still hear them from the porch, his eyes wide and cheeks red. Betty couldn’t help but let out a laugh, louder and purer than she had in a long time. Jughead watched her, all golden and bathed in light and couldn’t help but laugh through his embarrassment. Yeah, he though, I think I might. 

anonymous asked:

Ok, three different things, but all the same pairing: What if UF!Sans's crush just came up and sat on his lap for no apparent reason while they were watching TV or a movie? What if said crush mentions at one point (probably in response to something on the TV) that they find fangs sexy? What if at some point after this (probably days to weeks later) said crush got drunk and LICKED UF!Sans' gold tooth. Just. Leaned over and licked it.

:D OH MY GOD IT’S THIS ONE!  This ask circulates through the imagine blogs, almost everybody has gotten it!  I feel like a real imagines blog now!  I’m legit!

He’s a little surprised when you just sit in his lap.  If he’s your crush chances are he’s flirted with you, but he honestly didn’t expect you to reciprocate it that much; he thinks you’re way out of his league.  His hands hang in the air for a moment, itching to settle on your warm soft waist, before he gives in.  Humans are so… nice to the touch.  He’s wanted to do this for a while actually, wondering how your flesh feels, but he’s been playing it cool with you.  Flirting with somebody he actually likes is tricky.  It’s just as nice as he’d dreamed it would be, and he actually relaxes into this.  No, it’s even better than he imagined.  Nah, he isn’t cuddlin ya, whaddya take him for?  Some kinda sap?

When you mention idly that you think fangs are sexy his grin gives a little nervous twitch, eyelights flicking to look at you.  His arms tighten a little around your waist, (when did they wrap around you like that?) and he seriously considers asking if they’d like try to them out.  His eyes go from their eyes to their neck, that beautiful soft neck, he just has to lean forward…  “heh, maybe you’ll feel em some day.”  And like that he settles back into the movie, every nerve on end.  There, not too hard, not too soft, God he doesn’t want to scare you away. 

But he hasn’t stopped thinking about it.  Not once, and ever since then his eyes will flick to your neck now and then.  A couple days later you’re at Grillby’s, the nice secluded little booth he likes best, and you two are having a great time.  It’s when he’s staring at your neck again that you make your move, dragging your tongue over his tooth.  His sockets snap open in shock, turning still as a statue, and for a second you think you’ve broken him.  Until suddenly everything is a blur and you’re not in Grillby’s anymore, this is his room.

He grows and slams you on the bed, one hand on that waist, his hands have been tingling from how warm it is for days.  The other is just resting on your neck, keeping you nice and pinned in place.  “heh, you’ve got a taste for gold, sweet cheeks?  or fer me?  c’mon babe, you can get a better taste of that.  an’ my silver tongue.  maybe i’ll even copper a feel.”  He leans forward, and is still for a beat, looking into your eyes… and when he doesn’t see any fear, you really want this, want him, then he finally gives you a passionate kiss.  He nips gently at your lip, tongue slipping past to tangle with yours.  When he pulls away he buries his face in the crook of your neck immediately, running his fangs over your skin and making goosebumps rise.  There are more nips, a lick, and then finally a good bite.  He groans low, sockets half lidded, and when he pulls away even though he doesn’t have lungs he’s panting like he just ran a mile.  “you’re sooo sweet fer me.  i wanna taste ya more, babe.  gonna give ya all the teeth ya can handle.”

Not Enough - One Shot

Summary: You and Steve have a bad break-up, and you wind up running to Bucky for comfort.

Prompt(s): (Anon request) -91,87,56,4• Angsty as hell, just like One Last Time, but like… no happy ending
91. “Tell me you need me.”
87. “Stay awake.”
56. “I’m late.”
4. “I’m too sober for this.”

Warnings: Swearing, let’s talk about sex baby!, SO. MUCH. ANGST. Don’t expect to leave this with a smile.

Word Count: 2890

Author’s Note: Ok, dear, I will make this angsty as hell, and while I considered writing an alternate ending to One Last Time at the time I was working on it, I think I’m happy with that story, and don’t want to touch it. So I will give you this similar storyline, but everyone suffers. How’s that?

Originally posted by undercoverfandoms


You were used to the fighting by now. You’d been with Steve for a few years, and at first it was incredible. He was so sweet and attentive, god he loved you so much, and you were completely swept off your feet. He could be so unbelievably charming. You loved how he made you laugh, he was so sweet and naive sometimes. You loved how he was protective and you knew you were safe when you were with him.

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The Weight of Water

(Or read on AO3. Look, I wrote a thing! A whole thing! I finished it!)

‘Agent Danvers, go home. You’re on leave.’

‘J’onn, I’m fine,’ Alex protests. Physically, she’s back to normal, and restless after a mere two days of inactivity. She needs to be in the field. She needs to be active. And the DEO – doesn’t exactly need her, she understands that, but it doesn’t need its agents scrambling to deal with her unexpected absence either.

And she’s fine. If she doesn’t remember that a glass box without air has been added to her rotating menu of nightmares. If she doesn’t mention it took her ten minutes to step under the shower this morning. J’onn gives her a piercing look, eyebrows raised, and Alex realises he knows anyway. She scowls at him.

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A little Nicky/Erik snippet. Living away from people and feeling at home in two places is tricky, but it’s nice writing about it :) 


“Erik!”

Nicky couldn’t help himself. He didn’t care if he was practically screeching, he was just so happy. So relieved, so unbelievably homesick, so overwhelmingly happy that it made him sad. How did that even happen? The human mind was a strange thing. 

And that was the last thought he had before he slammed full speed into Erik’s body. All six foot two of hard muscle, and god Nicky hadn’t forgotten what he felt like but he had forgotten how amazing it was. How warm Erik was, how the bones of his arm pressed into the nodules of his spine when he squeezed him, how his wide smile felt flush against his hair. “It’s so good to see you.”

Erik kissed to his temple, squeezing tight, then pulled back and cupped his face in his hands.

“You’re here,” he said simply. And Nicky was grinning so wide their first kiss was barely a kiss, just the two of them beaming against each other’s mouths.

Nicky started to laugh. 

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Day 20: Rocket - The Closest Is an Infinitive Distance

I’ve been informed that there’s a problem with my new chapter on AO3 so I’m posting this here for people to read.


He was on autopilot. Shiro hadn’t been able to sleep much the last night, but he was way too nervous to register his tiredness. The morning had passed by in a rush. He was wearing his new grey uniform for the first time and everyone he’d met so far had commented on how good he looked in it. Not that he’d had much time to talk to anyone.. he’d been ushered from room to room for hours. There’d been a photo shoot, and a short interview. Shiro had no recollection of what he’d said, but Matt had given him a thumbs up in the end so he probably hadn’t messed up too bad.

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Katya’s Birthday Surprise - Part 3 (Trixya), by Lavish

 A/N: Hello? Does anybody remember this fic? I received a few messages/asks about continuing this and I had part 3 done for a while, so I thought I’d post it <3 This chapter shows a lot of the confusion basically every person who has a million hot friends experiences. I hope you like it! Since it’s been forever since I posted I’ll like the other two parts here. 

Part 1

Part 2

Love, Lavish

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Through the Window (Part 15)

Part 14
Part 15
Part 16

TTW Masterlist for all other parts

“Ooooh man.” You say under your breath when the hotel your prom was being held at comes into view, masses of people in the parking lot walking towards the building.

“You alright?” Bucky asks, looking at you.

“Yeah. First prom. It’s a big deal.” You say, shrugging.

“It’ll be fun. I promise.” Bucky says, pulling into a parking spot and turning off the car. “Let’s face it, I look fantastic. So what do we have to worry about?”

“Well when you’re right you’re right.” You say, shrugging and unbuckling your seatbelt.

“Let’s go have fun. We can slow dance properly.” He says, pecking you on the cheek. You stuff your phone into your clutch and quickly check your lipstick as Bucky walks round to your side of the car. He opens the door and holds out his hand, which you take, and helps you out.

“We look fucking incredible.” You say appreciatively as you take Bucky’s arm and head towards the entrance, which had been tastefully decorated with bunting and balloons.

“Everyone wants to be us. Or be with us.” He replies with a nod, handing the tickets to the person at the door.

“Wow.” You say once you make it into the ballroom. They had gone all out. Literally, fairy lights everywhere. It should have been tacky, but it looked pretty good. “They really did a number on this place.”

“Can I interest you in some watered down, tasteless punch?” Bucky asks, gesturing to the pathetic drinks and snacks table being closely monitored by the chaperones.

“Well I’m sold.” You say with a laugh, letting him walk you over to the table. He pours you a glass and you both head to an empty table and sit down. There were clusters of tables dotted around the outside of the dance floor, each with a bunch of flowers and candles decorating it. Your eyes sweep the large room which was already packed, nearly the entire senior class were here and dancing away.

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005 Christmas Cake

Notes: This is the direct follow on to 002 Tears at Bedtime. Enjoy x


Waking up early on Christmas Eve, Harry momentarily forgot about last night. Feeling around the bed for your body and failing to find it, he opened his tired eyes to find both you and five week old Isabella missing; an unusual sight considering he normally woke up to you feeding your baby girl in the bed.

Slowly, his memory cleared and he remembered the story of last night; of how you were so excited to finally be intimate with him again and how he completely failed you.

Climbing out of bed, walking downstairs, he found you in the living room, talking to Isabella while you fed her, pressed to your chest.

“You’re a hungry little one, aren’t you, Bella?” He heard you chatting to your daughter as he watched from the door. “You’ve got an appetite like daddy, yes you do.”

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kokoro-beat  asked:

Even NORMAN REEDUS said he cried for BETH, like wtf are these people on???

One of my friends insist they are on the Goebbels´s propaganda principles (basically reapeat over and over a lie until everyone end up believing is a true) but seeing the display on inteligence they show, I highly doubt they even know what is exactly what they are doing.

They are just trying to convince everyone that bethyl never happened because if happened, then C@ryl didn´t. They have their ship built on the idea of a slow burn, in that the feelings are already here and they just don´t notice/are waiting for something. If they accept that Daryl feel in love with Beth, their ship disintegrates in the cool air. That´s why they attack bethyl so fiercely. Because their ship depend on ours never happening.

Their way of thinking is simple. Stupid and twisted, but simple.

Norman Reedus said this:


AMC said this:

“Over dinner, Daryl suggests they try to live peacefully with whoever is staying at the funeral home. Beth asks why he suddenly believes in good people. “You know.”, he says, looking at her. Beth realizes Daryl has feelings for her.”

“Daryl implies that he has feelings for her“ 


Lauren said this:

“Lauren Cohan (Maggie Greene), was on Talking Dead last Sunday, one fan asked her if she thought Maggie would approve of Daryl and Beth’s relationship. - “Yeah I do think she would, actually. I’m enjoying, as an audience member, watching this happen,” 

There’s a lot of love blossoming these past few episodes.“ - Lauren Cohan  about “Alone”

Scott Wilson said this:

Gimple said this:


Nicoretto said this:

“…I got the sense that Daryl was starting to kind of fall in love with Beth a little.“

The script wasn’t like, ‘Beth and Daryl totally hook up.’ It wasn’t there. But when I watched the episode, I felt I kind of wanted that, which was what he brings to it and what Emily brought to it.”

“Greg Nicotero tells Zap2It that the seeds for their relationship were actually planted earlier in the season, when Daryl tells Beth that her boyfriend Zach (played by Kyle Gallner) had been killed during the events of the first episode.”

And don´t forget when they asked Nocoretto about C@ryl and he said:

“I think the chances are better now that Beth is, sadly, out of the picture,” Walking Dead boss Greg Nictotero said.´´


And yet the bethyl doesn´t exist for them.


But after all of this…

“Now what about your - I guess C@rol, to this point, is now your love interest, so to speak–

Norman Reedus: No.´´

(funny fact, that quote was said in december of 2012. Their whole ``Norman is trolling now, he said that he wanted c@ryl at first´´ is a complete shit.)


I’ve fought against having C@rol and Daryl hook up because there’s already too many of us doing it on this show. It’s more interesting to see these two damaged people gravitating to each other, needing each other’s friendship.

(

This is from march from that same year)


“I’d actually not like to see it go in that direction [into a romantic place]. I just think it’s more interesting to have these two damaged people see something kindred in each other and gravitate towards each other in that way. I think that if anyone made moves on anyone, C@rol would make moves on Daryl, and Daryl would probably just prematurely ejaculate in his pants and go hide in the bushes. I’m kind of trying to keep it interesting as it is. It would just be too obvious if we made out and we were a couple. It’s been done.”

(october of 2012)


I’ve had lots of talks with Scott [Gimple] about it,“ the actor said. "I like our relationship how it is. We don’t have to make out to be who we are. We’re kindred spirits; there’s a brother-sister bond there that’s almost stronger than a lovey-dovey bond. I’m not totally against it, but I’m not totally for it. It’s tricky. Once you do that, it’s there forever. To be honest, I’m not begging for it, and I’m not opposed to it.

(March of 2015)

Daryl and C@rol was interesting. I tried to do that like a little kid. You don´t want to play the romantic `run to me´thing. I tried to put my head on her shoulder and collapsed in her shoulder. It was like a little kid finding his big sister´´

ETonline: Fans obviously love Daryl and C@rol – will we see any developments in their relationship this week? Does she try to soften his facade?

Reedus: Is she like an emotional roofie? [laughs] It’s there, but I think their bond is so much deeper than “stick your tongue in my mouth.” I like playing that and am glad the writers agree because it’s so awkward when boys meet girls, girls meet boys or boys meet boys, and they want to hook up. But this is a whole different set of uncomfortable rules. They love each other on a different level – it’s not about wanting to get together, it’s more like a sibling relationship. “If you hurt my sister, there’s nowhere you’ll be able to hide.” It’s an impenetrable bond. I know people want them together, but if that happens, I think it’ll be more epic than, “They did it!”


…c@ryl is totally real.


Oh, yeah, that made totally sense.

And the best part is how they twist things.

Kirkman saying ``in my opinion´´ means that it was set on stone, doesn´t matter that the guy is a well know troll and lied to us a lot of times and that directly contradicts  what other member of the casst/crew said.

But when you brought the ” I’ve had lots of talks with Scott [Gimple] about it,“ from Norman, they will ignore that part and will scream over and over that of “actors don´t write the show´´ Actors maybe no, but Scott Gimple does, and Norman talked with him before saying Daryl and C@rol are like siblings. Because, oh, what a coincidence, that was the first time he called them siblings. Just after talking with Scott. But that doesn´t mean anything, huh?

But that´s let´s going to ignore since it doesn´t help C@ryl, ok? Better we believe the man who didn´t wrote Beth or Daryl, who didn´t wrote these episodes and was caught lying a lot of times because what he is saying is more convenient to us.

That is how they work.

Target!Everlark (Part 4)

This is an ongoing group!drabble with @dandelion-sunset, @everlylark, and @papofglencoe. This is where you can find Parts 1, and 2 and 3. Thanks to everyone who has supported this story so far! We appreciate the love so much. Here’s to hoping I don’t ruin everything with this very drunk, smutty installment. ;) (No one ever talks about how difficult it is to write drunk but not too drunk…)

By now, I think you guys know this project is rated Explicit for explicit language and graphic sex. 

Also, because it’s old school night, this installment contains lyrics from “Clan in Da Front” by Wu-Tang Clan, “It’s Tricky” by Run-D.M.C., “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot, and “Ms. Jackson” by OutKast.

It’s pretty much filth from the start, so it’s all under the cut. Can’t wait to see where you go with this, H. LY!

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Chocolate Cake and Kisses

Prompt: Cooking

Sorry it’s so late.

All credit goes to Hiro Mashima, I own nothing.

Levy woke to sunlight streaming in through the window in her bedroom. Wait, she thought, not my bedroom, but our bedroom. She blushed slightly at the thought. They had been dating for a few months, much to everyone’s excitement, especially Lucy’s. After four months of dating, Gajeel had asked her to move in with him. Between having to watch out for Erza in Fairy Hills and Gajeel’s overprotectiveness, Levy agreed that it would be a good idea for her to join him in his apartment. So when Levy’s lease ran out, she moved out of her tiny, but comfortable apartment into Gajeel’s slightly larger one.

The adjustment was interesting for both of them. Two people who led solitary home lives for a long portion of their adult life now living in the same apartment, sharing a bathroom, and a bedroom. Granted, both of them had slept at each other’s places before, but this was different. Now they permanently shared a residence. The first few days were a little weird figuring things out, but after a week they fell into a routine. They were learning, as all couples do no matter how long they are together. They had an agreement about things. Gajeel was on cooking duty and Levy would do dishes, though he would never allow her to do all the dishes herself. Levy was in charge of laundry, especially after Gajeel accidentally colored one of Levy’s light colored shirts by washing one of his black muscle with it. There were some interesting moments, but they now had their pattern down and things were sailing smoothly.

Levy stretched and climbed out of bed carefully, doing her best not to wake Gajeel who was still snoring away. She quickly gathered her things to shower and quietly made her way to the bathroom. Thankfully, Gajeel was a heavy sleeper so the sound of water running wouldn’t wake him. After her shower, Levy dressed and went into the kitchen. Normally, Levy would wait until Gajeel was up and let him do the cooking, but today was different. It was their six month anniversary and she wanted to do something special for him. She was determined to make a cake. She’s cooked before without issues in her apartment, why would it be any different here.

Gajeel stretched in his sleep. The bed felt cooler than usual. Huh, I must have moved away from Levy, he thought. He rolled over and reached out to pull her closer to him when all he grasped was air. Gajeel’s eyes shot opened. Where is she, he panicked. That’s when he could smell it. It was the smell of a chocolate cake and by the scent, it was still in the oven. Gajeel got up and threw on a t-shirt. He snuck into the living room and peaked his head in the kitchen. Levy was at the kitchen counter with a gallon of milk, a bowl, the beater, powdered sugar, and coco powder working on icing. The timer pinged and Levy went over to the oven. She turned the cake and restarted the timer so it could bake the rest of the way.

Gajeel grinned when he saw her turn to his direction. She had splatters of chocolate icing on her face. The apron she was wearing was one of his and was too long for her short frame. Apparently she had a bit of a fight with the flour because her apron was covered in a mix of flour and cake batter. Levy turned back to the icing and began using the electric beater to mix the icing. At least, Gajeel was pretty sure she was using the electric beater by the way small icing splatters were flying onto the counter top and towards Levy’s face. Gajeel chuckled and crept up behind Levy.

“Good morning.” Gajeel said lowly while wrapping his arms around Levy from behind.

Levy yelped and jumped, causing icing to fly again. She quickly shut off the beater and turned on him.

“Gajeel!” She squeaked. “Was it really necessary to scare the hell out of me?”

“Yes.” He grinned. “It looked like you were having so much fun that I wanted to join you. The icing looks good. D’you mind if I try some?” He swiped his finger on side of the bowl and put his finger in his mouth.

“Mmmmm.” He sighed. “It’s really good, but it seems like there is more icing outside of the bowl than in.”

“I didn’t mean to make a mess.” Levy blushed. “Everything was going great until I got to the icing part. That’s normally where things get a bit tricky when I make cakes.”

“Do you mind if I help you with it then?”

“I wanted to make this and surprise you, but it doesn’t look like it worked out.”

“You did surprise me. I didn’t realize how cute you’d look cooking, especially in my apron.” He smiled, causing Levy to blush again. “Here if you want to be the one to make it, I’ll just guide you through making the icing. Grab another bowl and I’ll help you.”

Levy reached up into the cabinet and brought down another bowl.

“Put the ingredients together and I’ll help you mix, ok?”

Levy put a stick of butter into the bowl and added a cup and a half of powdered sugar along with some coco powder. She was just about to pour the milk when Gajeel stopped her.

“Mix what you have first and if it’s too thick, then add the milk.”

“Thanks, Gajeel.” She smiled up at him.

Levy put the beaters into the bowl and started the mixer.  Powdered sugar flew into the air causing each breath to taste sweet. Gajeel put his arms around her and guided her hands so that the beaters caused less of a mess. Once the mix was in a creamy form, Gajeel let her go and told her to shut off the beaters.

“Now, you can see that the icings is a little on the thicker side.” Gajeel pointed out. “Add a little splash of milk and then mix it again, on low. Then our icing should be ready.”

Levy followed his instructions and began mixing again. Soon the icing was at perfect consistency, so she shut off the beaters and set the bowl aside. Levy popped the beaters out of the electric mixer and gave one of them to Gajeel. Once again, he swiped his finger along the beater and tasted the icing.

“Perfect, well done Levy.” He said softly. “Let’s get cleaned up.”

Gajeel took a rag out of the towel drawer, ran it under some warm water, and began wiping up the counter with Levy following his lead. Soon the only thing left to clean was Levy’s face.

“Here, let me get the chocolate off your face.” Gajeel offered.

Levy stepped into him. He took a clean part of the rag and gently began wiping off her forehead and cheek. After each part of her face was cleaned, Gajeel would kiss that part of her face. By the time he was done wiping her face of, she was blushing fire engine red.

“Thank you.” Levy said quietly.

“You’re welcome.” Gajeel replied just as quietly. He turned to the sink to clean off the rag.

Suddenly, it looked like a light bulb went off in her head and she began to grin mischievously. While Gajeel’s back was turned, Levy grabbed the abandoned bowl of icing that caused the first mess and put a little bit of icing on her forehead and on her other cheek.

“Hey Gajeel. I think you missed a spot.” Levy said as innocently as possible.

“Huh?” Gajeel turned back to her while ringing the rag out in my sink. “Oh, I see, on your forehead. I’ll get that for you.”

Once again he wiped off the smudge of icing and kissed her forehead.

“There, any more icing?” Gajeel asked.

“On my other cheek.” Levy replied.

“Gotcha.” He quickly cleaned up her cheek and kissed her again. He inspected her face closely. “I think that’s everything. I’ll be back in a few minutes. I’m going to go change. Keep an eye on the timer.”

“I will.” She smiled sweetly at him as he walked out of the room. From habit, she knew Gajeel would be back in about five minutes and that the timer would be going off in six minutes. She was going to make that last minute work in her favor. She quickly put icing on both cheeks and on the back of her hand and waited for Gajeel to return.

Just as expected, Gajeel was back before the timer went off. He took one look at her and laughed.

“Levy, what the hell are ya doing? How’d you get covered in icing again?” He grabbed the rag and cleaned up her face.

“I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t paying attention when I was cleaning just now.” Levy said innocently.

“Sure Shrimp. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that you were just messing with me.” Gajeel grumbled.

“Oh no, I wouldn’t do that.” Levy looked away and blushed. Thankfully the timer went off at that moment distracting Gajeel from the converstation. This is my last chance, she thought, I’m going for it.

“Hey Shrimp, this cake looks amazing!” Gajeel exclaimed while setting the cake on a cooling rack. “You out did….Shrimp! What is that on your face?”

“What do you mean?” Levy did her best to hide her smile.

“You know exactly what I mean.” Gajeel crossed his arms over his chest. “Why do you have a smudge of icing on your lips?”

“I just wanted to taste it the icing.” Levy tried the innocent act again.

“Uh-huh.” Gajeel grunted. He wasn’t buying it. He shook his head. “I can’t believe you would misuse the culinary excellence that is the icing we made to exploit my kisses.” He was doing his best to hide a grin. “I always thought better of you.” He shook his head again.

“Ok Gajeel, cut the act.” Levy said shortly. “I can see that you are smiling, knock it off.”

“I’m not smiling.” Gajeel said gruffly. “This is just my face.” His mouth trembled in effort to keep a serious and straight face.

Levy burst out laughing, causing Gajeel to struggle all the more. Finally, he couldn’t contain it anymore and he too started laughing along with Levy.

“Fine. You win.” Gajeel laughed. “I still can’t believe that you’d come up with such a scheme. Lucy would be proud of you.”

“Oh be quiet and kiss me already.” Levy teased him.

Gajeel reached out and pulled Levy towards him. He looked down at her and smiled.

“With pleasure.” And he kissed her.

 

Author’s Note: I hoped you guys like it. This was a lot of fun to write.
LARGEST SUBMISSION YET

My friend like to mess around on boats, but he goes overboard sometimes.

Quasimodo. That name rings a bell.

Albino. You can’t say fairer than that.

You’ve got to take your hat off to hair-dressers.

You’ve got to hand it to muggers…

I’ve just got a job as a waiter. It doesn’t pay very well, but I put food on the table.

Just got a job as a postman.
Money’s shit, but it keeps me off the streets.

I’ve been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.
Things are looking up.

I’ve applied to work at a mirror shop. I hope I get it, I can really see myself working there.

I’ve decided to break up with my blow up doll. I’m going to let her down gently.

I know a lot of jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over peoples heads.

My new book I wrote on Poltergeists is flying off the shelves.

I fell asleep on a dingy.
I just drifted off.

I once knew a farmer who did heroin, but he was never caught. The police said that proving it would be like finding a needle in a haystack.

Stampedes…. if you don’t stand up for yourself, they’ll walk all over you.

I’ve been scratching my head all day trying to figure out how I managed to get head lice.

I threw out my hoover last week.
It was just gathering dust.

I dont own a telescope, but its something Im thinking of looking into.

Due to inflation, balloons are going up.

Me and my best friend reverse our cars everywhere together.
We go back a long way.

I could talk about asphyxiation till I’m blue in the face.

Since starting my new gardening tool business I’ve been raking it in.

Grandma’s always up for a laugh, so for a bit of a practical joke, I put her walking stick out of her reach…
I just can’t believe she fell for it.

I’ve just returned from outer space. I took a book to read while I was up there.
I couldn’t put it down.

I was masturbating the other day when I heard someone scream for help.
I came as fast as I could

This morning I was woken up by an ice cream van outside my house. I opened my window and told him to fuck off.
He quickly changed his tune.

I always win at Twister, hands Down

My mate was raising money for charity and told me he’d entered me in the 1500m.
I nearly ran a mile.

Dont tease fat kids, they already have enough on their plate.

So what if I can’t spell armaggedon? It’s not the end of the world.

I got a new roof fitted for free the other day.
It’s on the house.

If you can’t decide whether to run in the marathon or the hundred metres you should probably choose the marathon.
You’ll be better off in the long run.

An annoying man asked me for directions the other day.
I told him where to go.

I conducted an orchestra the other day.
It’s more fun than you can shake a stick at.

Hollywood.
It’s made a huge name for itself.

I can’t sleep much lately. I have to lie on the edge of the bed, that way I soon drop off.

I’d bend over backwards to win a Limbo competition.

A train drivers job is very straight forward.

I used to be best friends with my acupuncturist.
But he stabbed me in the back.

When I meet women, I immediately start talking about global warming.
It’s a real icebreaker.

You have to admire Giraffe’s…
No matter what, they always walk around with their heads held high.

Ban land mines now!
It’s time to put our foot down.

Sex in a hammock.
It rocks.

I don’t like crematoriums.
They really make my blood boil.

I’ve written a book on how to cut onions.
Read it and weep…

Ever since I took the rear view mirror out of the car…..I’ve never looked back

I’m an easy target for muggers.
Take it from me.

I’m a pretty good Ventriloquist.
Even though I say so myself.

My buddy said he’d love to work in a shipyard.
Whatever floats your boat…

Dissection is a topic that tends to split people down the middle.

I met a skydiver yesterday.
He was very down to earth.

Domestic violence is a bit of a hit in my house.

Hands up if you like armed robbers.

Obesity is a big problem.

I see things are looking up for astronomers.

I find switches a real turn on.

I told a girl I could read her mind just to get her into bed and she believed me.
What was she thinking?

Hot air balloon theft.
It’s on the rise.

Athletics is ok, but I think the Pole vault is a bit over the top

I used to be a spy until someone came at me with a hairdryer while I was in bed.
They blew my cover.

If you have any gloves you dont want, I’ll take them off your hands.

I’ve just built a working catapult.
It’s disguised as a chair, so it tends to throw a lot of people.

I hear the local blind shooting school is doing well.
The members have shot up.

I was going to by some slippers today, but then I got cold feet.

Not wearing seat belts is the way forward.

I turned down a job to work in a coal mine.
It’s beneath me.

When I lived on a houseboat I was seeing the girl next door, but eventually we drifted apart.

My dad was in the army, his job was to clear minefields.
He always wanted me to follow in his footsteps.

I’m watching Benjamin Button again.
Never gets old.

I’ve just started reading a book about Fort Knox, but I’m finding it really hard to get into.

I turned up at a fancy dress party dressed as a football.
I was immediately kicked out.

I’ve just written a play about someone who drives into a theatre.
It’s going to be a box office smash.

I stole from the bakery this morning.
It was a piece of cake.

I recently took up weightlifting.
I’m off to a slow start, but I’m sure I’ll pick it up eventually.

If you want to work for a company that makes moisturiser, the best thing to do is to apply daily.

Personally, I would never go to see the Eiffel Tower in cloudy weather.
I can’t see the point.

Raping male cows is fucking bullshit.

For Sale: Thick layer of dust.
As seen on TV.

I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.

I’ve been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes me think I’m an airport building.
Hope it’s not terminal.

I decided to write a joke about restraining orders.
This is the closest I could get.

“Doctor I’m shrinking!”
“Well you just have to be a little patient.”

A friend of mine has 3 legs.
He’s always one step ahead of me.

If that guy at work takes my desk fan again I’m going to lose my cool.

You want to be the world’s worst boxer?
Knock yourself out.

My friend asked if he could borrow my boxing gloves.
I said “sure knock yourself out”.

I was doing an impression of a girl who got abducted, but I got a bit carried away….

Nobody is to inadvertently give me any tips on how to turn invisible.
Do I make myself clear?

I’ve got loads of jokes about undelivered letters.
But people just don’t get them.

My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak.
If only they could see me now…

Oral sex is a in-your-face topic.

I bought an umbrella and decided not to use it.
I thought I’d save it for a rainy day.

My buddy has invented a new hobby called “blindfold plane watching”.
Can’t see it taking off.

Getting paid to sleep is my dream job.

My job at the cement factory seems to get harder and harder.

River jokes are too mainstream.

Scarecrows are outstanding in their field, but hay, it’s in their jeans.

I wanted to become a watchmaker, but I just couldn’t make time.

I opened a pet shop selling exotic birds.
They’re flying off the shelves.

Never become friends with a serial killer.
He’ll stab you in the back.

I was taking a risk opening a butchers shop on the Empire State building.
The stakes were high.

Do you know what I know about Dwarfs?
Very little.

My doctor says with a bit of patience he can cure my blindness.
I’ll have to wait and see.

I love balloons.
I keep tying them to myself, but now I think I’m getting carried away.

Why do midgets make bad parents? Because they struggle to put food on the table.

After months of unemployment I got accepted for training to become a hot air balloon pilot.
I’m going up in the world.

How do you stay cool at a football game?
Stand close to a fan.

The carpenter came round the other day.
He made the best entrance I’ve ever seen.

I do not have an obsession with tidiness.
I just wanted to clear that up.
1950nevil


OKAY WOW, THOSE ARE A LOT OF PUNS!

I’m sorry for the late response, I had to get on a computer to publish this (fan mail is a bit more tricky to post)

Thank you, everyone for being awesome! Hope you enjoyed pun-day Sunday