ok now what do i do with my life

2

He Sean,

I really hope you read this. I’m writing this now since it’s still fresh in my head at the moment. I can’t wait until tomorrow. I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes, btw.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I had the best (Thurs)day and evening ever with you, Wiishu, Dan and Arin. I waited with my sister for you at the airport. It took a while but there you were with Wiishu. You were surprised but delighted at the same time. I wanted to say so many things and all I could say was: You must be tired, and rambled on about how long your flight must have been and what not. Everything except for the things I actually wanted to say.

That’s ok. I still had Friday evening and the Q&A. The moment was there. We all could ask questions and I had one at the ready, but every moment Vernon came near I started to feel more and more nervous and my social anxiety kicked in hard. At that moment I asked my sister if she wanted to ask my question. Well… you may remember she didn’t ask a question but said how much you meant and still mean to me. Last year was…rough. You and Mark helped me to stay positive and not lose hope in humanity. You both keep me smiling. 4 Video’s a day I had to look forward too (2 from you, 2 from Mark). This year was finally a year where everything is falling in to place in my life and I sort of know what I want eventually. I’m working hard on it. I’m having such a good time at the moment that I have trouble to find time to watch your videos! 

Even now I still don’t know how to put my feelings in to the right words. The trouble I’m now facing is that I get emotional every time someone says it’s ok, “give yourself some credit too” and other uplifting words. I’ve always heard that it’s gonna be hard for me, what I want to do. I shouldn’t be doing this and that. Not by my parents and siblings, though. All the love for them. But it’s really demotivating to pick anything up when other’s don’t see the hard work you put in things and doubt you as a person.

Anyway, my sister caught me of guard with her speech. My anxiety was already on a high level and her putting me in the spotlight broke me down. I’m definitely not mad at her. She said the things I couldn’t say and I’m glad she did. I still feel like I want to say more, but I just simply can’t find the words. I just really hope you read this letter and hopefully I’ll see you again. May it be at VidCon Europe (*wink wink*) or at your EU tour of your own show.

Again from the bottom of my ♥

♥ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING! ♥

Love,
Paula

@therealjacksepticeye

10

Ariana Alphabet: Activism

[Tyler Ford on Ariana] I wrote about this for Rookie. When I first went off hormones and didn’t know where I stood gender-wise and was trying to figure myself out, I was living with Ari and was spending everyday with her, 24/7. She was always the first person to just be like, “All right, you do you. I love you, and I still think you’re the most amazing person, no matter who you are, even if you don’t know what pronouns you’re going to settle on.” Every day, she would ask me, “How are you doing, now that you’re off hormones? Do you feel OK? What pronouns are you feeling today? What pronouns do you want me to use?” Even though I was struggling with who I was, I always felt comfortable with her, even if I didn’t feel comfortable with myself or anyone else.

Poly doesn’t always feel nice.

And that’s ok.

Sometimes… Poly is watching your partner get their needs that match yours met with someone else.

Sometimes poly is having to accept less, instead of all.

Sometimes poly is, I hate this, but you don’t need my permission to do it anyway.

Sometimes poly is burning. Sitting in your room, your house, alone, burning with all the emotions and there is no one to put you out except yourself. And sometimes, you’re not enough of a firefighter.

Sometimes poly is boring.

Sometimes poly is Netflix and chilling, by yourself, your own hand down your pajama pants.

Sometimes poly is rage. Fierce, hot, molten gold down your gullet, choking you, burning you, cooking you to a not-quick enough death.

Sometimes it’s this is not enough, but this is better than nothing.

Sometimes it’s pain, bright, white hot, cutting into the very core of you. Splintering you into a thousand, million pieces.

Sometimes it’s I don’t know how I survive this.

Sometimes poly is… Acceptance of not so great, because there is no other option.

Sometimes poly is a snide laugh, a kick in the gut, a slap in the face.

Sometimes poly is heartbreak.

Sometimes poly is, I will never feel “safe” again.

Sometimes it’s just… Overthinking. Overanalyzing. Overdoing. Over scheduling. Overtalking. Over… Everything.

Sometimes poly is… Can’t I just go back?

But what poly really is?

Poly is I can’t. I can’t go back. Because going back would mean so much sacrifice. So much giving up of people that I cannot fathom how much I love them. So much beautiful, wonderful, awful exploration of self that I would never get again. I can’t say, I don’t want my lovers and friends and amazing people who blur ALL of my lines and boundaries with their amazing selves. I can’t say, for the sake of some general level of “comfort” that I know is false, I will give up everyone. Their intimacy, their vulnerability, their nakedness. What they look like laughing, and coming, and crying. Versions of them I don’t get to see within the confines of monogamy as I knew it. I have sacrificed so very much to be here, uncomfortable, today.

I can’t.

I feel I’m awake now, with all the discomfort that comes with awakening. But I can’t go back to sleep. It’s shitty, sometimes, being awake. The sun is too bright, the sounds too harsh. It’s easy when I’m head down, dreaming. But it’s not real, you know? It’s an illusion, a construct. It works for some, but I’ve taken the red pill. I’ve seen my life for how it is, my thinking for how it is. I can’t unsee it. Maybe one day how I outwardly perform myself will change, but for now, I can’t go back. I am what I am, doing what I’m doing the ways that I do it. Sometimes it hurts. Fuck yeah it hurts. Don’t ever believe anyone who tells you anything remotely differently. And you know what?

It’s ok.

Through this, we grow.

We become something else. We become better, stronger. We know ourselves more. We know more words to use to advocate for ourselves, and that is fucking amazing. Without this pain, without this trial by fire and molten metal, we might not know what we’re capable of. And knowing what we’re capable of is an awesome, incredible thing. That is what makes you, you. That is what inspires you to fucking amazing things. Even if the journey is horrible to get there.

~Jordyn

—  XCBDSM.com/spd
9

Two posts in one month????? And only three days apart????? Who is this????

What I want to say:
- you’re fucking gorgeous ya know
- i could kiss you right now
- holy shit you’re a genius
- where have you been all my life
- let’s go to the movies
- what do your hands feel like
- tell me your story
- i love it when you do that
- you’re more cute than normal today
- wow you’re incredible
- i think im in love with you.

What I actually say:
- hi
- ok
- uhhhh
- thank you
- bye

anonymous asked:

Hey Andy!! I was just wondering why you decided not to pursue art as a career or go to art school?? I’m kinda of stuck between going for law (for more practical reasons) and art so I was wondering if you could give any advice? Thanks so much!! :) also I really wanted to say that I absolutely loveeeeee the way u draw BNHA characters, the original style and yours are just really compatible?? Hehe have a great day!!

Hey anon! Oh…ooh man lol ok why don’t you pull up a chair and sit down cos here we go:

I ended up doing an academic degree because 1) high school me thought I wasn’t good enough for art school and that I’d never make it in an art industry or be able to support myself/have stability, 2) I figured I could go back later to study it? 3) I had NO idea what to do with my life? I was ok back then with just drawing as a hobby. I got good grades across all my subjects and enjoyed several at school so ended up studying Economics since it seemed like a safe/flexible option at the time lol

Anyway to cut a long story short, I landed a very lucrative graduate job offer in my second year of college, realised I actually fucking hated economics and that it was a load of uninteresting BS to me at a higher level, almost gave up drawing forever, graduated this June, started working and realise…I think I actually DO want to do art as a career after all? Maybe? I don’t know??? Maybe find a middle ground with a creative-ish day job and then freelance illustrate on the side? HAHAHA HOLY CRAP THE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS IS REAL. WHAT AM I DOING… WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR ADVICE…I’m the one who needs it more than anything

IDK where I’m going with this but I think…everyone’s path in life is different and you need to figure out what’s important to you, what your goals are, what’s the best option given your financial situation etc (because let’s be real, schooling and life is expensive and our generation needs to kill the idea of “selling out” because a lot of us are in so much debt already jeez). However, you won’t know this right away, maybe not even till you graduate! I’m in that position now and I’m legit just floundering around trying to get my life together and disentangle what I want out of life from what parents/society/friends/your faculty tell you, whilst trying to support myself and move out of home. It’s super hectic and scary but I had some friends who reassured me that’s fairly normal and it takes a while to work things out! Law is a solid degree that will open many career options for you once you graduate - but it’s also extremely tough. Remember that at the end of the day, money is nice and it’s important to support yourself, but your mental health is equally so. I realise that even if I’m being paid crazy amounts, it’s not worth staying at a job if I’m miserable 24/7 you know? So I’m giving myself the next 1-2 years to work,  improve my art and see if I can figure out where to go next bc right now I have no idea LOOOL

College is what you make of it and tbh I feel like in THIS day and age, your degree choice is not a prison sentence into a single industry for life. Pick something you think you’d be able to stomach for however long your bachelors is and figure out the rest as you go. Society, parents & uni environment can put crippling pressure on kids to go into a certain field or have all your career aspirations mapped out at 19-20 (I felt that, and now I realise how shitty it was), which is total crap. 

Where am I even going with this lmfao ok. Let’s put it this way. I don’t regret my college experience overall because it was a choice I made myself (parents would’ve supported me no matter what I did), I went through lots of personal change and also am fortunate enough to have a very stable/well paid job straight out of uni whilst I figure out what to do with my life, but at the end of the day, you will change and learn what you like/dislike as you grow up! So don’t worry too much, you’re not boxing yourself in and you can still get an art job even if you didn’t do an art degree, as long as you put in the work yourself. College is scary but also lots of fun, so don’t panic too much! You have your entire life ahead of you and if you realise you wanna change paths after graduating and entering a field, that’s cool. You’ll be fine. Sorry this is not even advice just me spilling my leadup to my existential crisis and being preachy but yeah haha I’m probably not the best person to ask about this. 

Good luck! Talk to lots of other people/do research about certain careers and degree courses too - if you’re proactive it’ll be helpful. For example, I also thought of pursuing law at school, went to an insight day with professionals and realised it was Definitely Not For Me 😂, but for some things you’ll just have to try them out and see how you feel once you get there! Sorry for the unhelpful rambly essay it’s 2am…and thanks for your kind words about my art! That really means a lot. *hugs you* 

anonymous asked:

i had an abortion last summer, and i've struggled a lot afterwards. i took an overdose in october bc i just couldn't deal with the guilt and regret. now i'm pregnant again, and i kind of wanted to keep it, but i don't really know the guy at all. when i first told him he took it ok, but he called me later saying if i don't have an abortion he's gonna kill himself. i'm pro choice all the way, but i know how much i grieved last time. i'm gonna have a life on my conscience no matter what i do???

Do what YOU want or need to do. I’m here to support you whatever you decide, and if you need to talk I’ll be a sounding board. Best wishes, anon. ❤

10

Dylan’s journal

1: Fact: People are so unaware…. well, ignorance is bliss I guess…. that would explain my depression. - Dylan
A Virtual Book
EXISTENCES
By: Dylan
Properties: This book cannot be opened by anyone except Dylan (some supernatural force blocks common people from entering).
<<-VoDkA->>
<<-Dylan->> 
2: The 4 stages from within: most, few, some, none
Me is place outside all the boxes. 
3: El Thoughtzos
Ah yes, this is me writing … just writing, nobody technically did anything, just I felt like throwing out my thoughts - this is a weird time, weird life, weird existence. As I sit here (partially drunk with a screwdriver) I think a lot. Think … think … that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking … all the time … my mind never stops … music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking … about the asshole - in gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls I know (mainly - & -) how I know I can never have them, yet I can still dream … I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the wads on my computer, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people (-) at school), yet it does nothing to help my life morally. My existence is shit to me - how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake - artificial, induced (?) by thought, how everything connects, yet it’s all so far apart … & I sit & think … science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet I see different views of shit now - like the mind - yet if the mind is viewed scientifically … hmm
I dwell in the past … thinking of good & bad memories. 
4: A lot on the past though … I’ve always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem - when Dylan Bennet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body … as I see the people at school - some good, some bad - I see how different I am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet I’m on such a greater scale of difference than everyone else (as far as I know, or guess). I see jocks having fun, friends, women, LIVEZ. 
Or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe) like ignorance = bliss. They don’t know beyond this world (how I do in my mind or in reality or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses - I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned & they lack the overdeveloped mind/imagination/knowledge tool. I don’t fit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life … that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me - my soul (existence). & the routine is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, hoping that people can accept me … that I can accept them … the NIN (Nine Inch Nails) song Piggy is good for thought writing … The Lost Highway sounds like a movie about me … I’m gonna write later, bye   <<-VoDkA->>
5: Da ThoughtZ Jeah
Well well, back at it, yes (you say) whoever the fuck ‘you’ is, but yea. My life is still fucked, in case you care … maybe, … (not?) I have just lost fuckin 45$, & before that I lost my zippo & knife (I did get those back) Why the fuck is he being such an ASSHOLE??? (god I guess, whoever is the being which controls shit). He’s fucking me over big time & it pisses me off. Oooh god I HATE my life, I want to die really bad right now - let’s see what I have that’s good: A nice family, a good house, food, a couple of good friends, & possessions. What’s bad - no girls (friends or girlfriends), no other friends except a few, nobody accepting me even though I want to be accepted, me doing badly & being intimidated in any & all sports, me looking weird & acting shy - BIG problem, me getting bad grades, having no ambition of life, that’s the big shit. Anyway … I was Mr. Cutter tonight - I have 11 depressioners on my right hand now, & my favorite contrasting symbol, because it is so true & means so much. The battle between good & bad never ends … OK enough bitchin … well I’m not done yet. OK go … I don’t know  why I do wrong with people (mainly women) - it’s like they are set out to hate & ignore me, I never know what to say or do. - is soo fuckin lucky he has no idea how I suffer. 
6: Okay here’s some poetry … this is a display of one man in search of answers, never finding them, yet in hopelessness understands things …
Existence … what a strange word. He set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing relevant to himself. The pretty declarations of others & everything on this world, in this world, he knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to him. He seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the undefinable, of the unknown. He explores the everything … using his mind, the most powerful tool known to him. Not a physical barrier blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions … the everything is his realm. Yet, the more he thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to him at this time, how he wants to be normal, not this transceiver of the everything. Then occurring to him, the answer. How everything is connected yet separate. By experiencing the petty others actions, reactions, emotions, doings and thoughts, he gets a mental picture of what, in his mind, is a cycle. Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall. Questions make answers, answers conceive questions, and at long last he is content. TTYL  <<-VoDkA->>
7: Thoughtz                                                                                                          Yo … whassup … heheheheh … know what’s weird? Everyone knows everyone. I swear - like I’m an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me … Check it … (this isn’t good, but I need to write, so here ….                                             Within the known limits of time … within the conceived boundaries of space … the average human thinks those are the settings of existence … yet the ponderer, the outcast, the believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions”, says the ponderer, “but of 3, as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions - L, W, & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought - Time, Space, & THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists - anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them. Another … a dream.                                                                                         Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 (degrees) to normal life. No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, & then … BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life.                                                            8: Hypnosis place - It is a sky - with one large cloud, & sort of cloud-made chair - the sun is at the head of the chair … 10 o’clock up into the sky … Below, I sometimes see mist, & the green (forest green) earth - sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair - actually like a chaise - & I am talking … to what? I don’t know - it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t … & we talk like we are the same person - like he’s my soul … The everlasting contrast …                                                                              Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the everlasting-contrast. Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers - but exceptions to every rule, & this is a BIG exception - most morons never change, they never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind!              Laterz           <<-VoDkA->>                                                                                   9: <<-VoDkA->>’s Thoughts                                                                                   The - Situation                                                                                                             It is not good for me right now (like it ever is) … but anyway … My best friend ever: the friend who shared, experimented, laughed, took chances with & appreciated me more than any friend ever did has been ordained … “passed on” … in my book. Ever since - (who I wouldn’t mind killing) has loved him … that’s the only place he’s been with her … if anyone had any idea how sad I am … I mean we were the TEAM. When him & I first were friends, well I finally found someone who was like me: who appreciated me & shared very common interests. Ever since 7th grade, I’ve felt lonely … when - came around, I finally felt happiness (sometimes) we did cigars, drinking, sabotage to houses, EVERYTHING for the first time together & now that he’s “moved on” I feel so lonely, without a friend. Oh well, maybe he’ll come around -> … I hope.               That’s all - for this topic - maybe I’ll never see this again. (-> ô=-   -=ô)                 <<-VoDkA->>                                                                                                                10: My 1st Love????                                                                                               OH my God … I am almost sure I am in love … with -. Hehehe … such a strange name, like mine … yet everything about her I love. From her good body to her almost perfect face, her charm, her wit & cunning, her NOT being popular. Her friends (who I know) - some - I just hope she likes me as much as I LOVE her. I think of her every second of every day. I want to be with her. I imagine me & her doing things together, the sound of her laugh, I picture her face, I love her. If - soulmates exist, then I think I’ve found mine. I hope she likes Techno … :-)             -, I love you                                                                                                             - Dylan

You are amazing

It doesn’t matter what you’re going through, you are stronger than you realise and whatever crap is happening in your life right now… Now matter how big or how bad, it will pass. It may not seem like it. There may seem like there is only one way out.. But there isn’t. Life isn’t easy and it isn’t straightforward, but what is meant to happen will happen and all you can do is get through it and try your best. No one can ask for anything other than your best, and if you have days when you can’t do your best then that’s ok too.

If anyone who reads this needs someone to talk to then please know my ask and inbox are always open and I will do my best to help, whether you need to rant, cry or scream, I will help in whatever way I can.

Keep your head up

OUTLANDER SENTENCE STARTERS
  • No, I said I won’t have you dying for nothing. 
  • I won’t be. I’ll be dying with you.
  • Look, you told me that you could never get close to your mother, that she lived in another world. Well, maybe she’s trying to show you that world.
  • It’s not important if I believe it. She believes it. I’m just saying, we need to keep an open mind.
  • Only two people know what the truth really is, and one of them is dead. Too bad it wasn’t you.
  • Can I ask you something? How do you do it? Finally say goodbye to that one person you loved most in all the world?
  • Truth is, I’ve never been very good at saying goodbye.
  • But that’s the hell of it, isn’t it? Whether you want to say goodbye or not, they’re gone and you have to go on living without them. Because that’s what they would want.
  • Well then maybe we’ll all get to watch her slam her head into a five ton slab of granite.
  • May he have mercy on us all.
  • What kind of god creates a world where monsters thrive and beauty and purity is rewarded with poverty and death?
  • The same kind of god who also offers an opportunity for redemption.
  • I’ve been dying for years. It’s a wearisome process. I welcome its conclusion.
  • It’s like you read my mind.
  • I kept my word. I lay my vengeance at your feet.
  • I must say, this is a damned inconvenient time to be conciliatory.
  • Why did you pretend not to recognize me? I was afraid you would just blurt out my real name.
  • I know what you did. You championed me and exiled me both at the same time.
  • What am I to do with such a bloodthirsty barbarian?
  • Is your thirst for slaughter not quenched yet?
  • Surely there’s another woman you could have kiss you goodbye?
  • Fortune drops out of the sky and onto our doorstep. Convenient, is it not? 
  • Why should we waste time with all this Shiite?
  • It’s been horrible. He forced me to mend his socks and to fetch his meals.
  • I think I know a wee bit more about this than you do.
  • So, will I be allowed to join you at dinner tonight?
  • They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
  • We may have to rethink our decision not to lie to one another.
  • And you, witch who sucks the cock of the devil. I’ll see you in hell.
  • You’re not what I ordered. But, you’ll do.
  • You should have trusted me with that knowledge from the beginning.
  • Every now and then it is OK for you to lie to me, you know, just to put my mind at ease.
  • Aye. I’ll remember that for the next time.
  • I’ve been thinking. Remember you said I owe you a life because you saved mine? Well, I saved yours as well at least as often. Seems to me we’re even.
  • Ashamed. Like I’m a different person now, and I’ll never be the same.
  • So you had to start yourself up with a whore before you could stand to be with me?
  • This is wonderful news. Why did you wait until now to tell me?
  • The way I see it, we’re doing a bad thing for a good reason.
  • Isn’t that what all bad people say?
  • Well, I am an unusual lady. At least I used to be.
  • Told you that dress would bring us grief.
  • How can you save a man that doesn’t want saving?
  • I lie here feeling I will die without your touch, but when we do touch, I want to vomit with shame.
  • If you take away the one last thing that makes sense to me, then I will die with you, right here now.
  • You think I cannot control the darkness I inhabit? One way or another, I will get a response from you.
  • Love forces a person to choose. You do things you never imagined you could do before.
  • Go get the shovel.
  • You might want to remember who has the pistol.
  • It looks like I’m going to a fucking barbecue.
  • I want you ____. I want you so much I can scarcely breathe. Will you have me?
  • You are my home now, ____. 
  • It’s often something like this. But, no, this is unusual. It’s different.
  • Take off your shirt. I want to look at you.
  • I’ll never forget when I came out of the church and saw you for the first time, It was as if I stepped outside on a cloudy day and suddenly the sun came out.
  • Doesn’t it bother you that I’m not a virgin?
  • You control your nerves. Your nerves do not control you.
  • It doesn’t matter where you come from. You’re here.
  • Sometimes I wonder what I did to make the devil punish me like this. 

Just one chance 

(Zach Dempsey mini-series part I)

Part II Part III

A/N: One about Zach YAAAY! I hope you like it and if you’re wondering there will be more parts of this one.

Warnings: English is not my first language.

Remember REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Words: 2.052

masterpost



I had noticed. I noticed how he hoped to find that piece of paper in his compliment bag hanging on the wall next to the rest. Hoping to find that someone had written something that made him feel a little better, he didn’t lose hope that someday that bag would have something inside, he didn’t care how long it took.

I had stopped looking in my bag a long time ago; it wasn’t like I couldn’t use some nice words even though they came from an anonymous source that I would probably never know who it was. I had stopped looking inside because I never got any notes, so I decided to stop wasting my time and to stop feeling bad every time I looked inside.

Nevertheless I was surprised that someone like Zach Dempsey didn’t get a hundred of notes, after all he was the star player in the basketball team, he was friends with the popular people of the school, he was always in all the parties and I knew girls liked him, still he didn’t get any compliments in his bag.

I couldn’t help to feel bad for him, so I gather my things very slowly to be the last one in the class and I wrote a note for him, which I left in his compliment bag so the next day he would have something.

I didn’t write a love letter or something like that, it was something pretty simple, something that would make him feel better for the rest of the day; we all deserve to receive compliments from time to time.

A few days passed since the first note I wrote him and I had to admit that I loved how he reacted so I decided to write him a couple more for the next weeks, but I didn’t make it a daily thing.

One day while I was running to class, considering that I was late to first period. I was looking in my bag for my book and being the clumsy person that I am I ran into someone, luckily for me I didn’t fall backwards, that would had been even more embarrassing.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking” I said as fast as I could while I bend down to get the book that I made that person drop.

I saw it was the biology book, the same one that I was looking for in my bag and when I looked to the owner I saw it was Zach and I thanked that it was him and not one of his stupid friends, because even though he hanged out with them Zach was so much nicer than all of them together.

“Don’t worry, are you ok?” he asked grabbing his book and smiling for some reason.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just really bad at walking without running into people” I joked putting my bag on my shoulder “I was looking for my bio book but it seems that I forgot it at home” I sighed “but it doesn’t matter, see you in class” I added walking to the classroom, I didn’t want to get even more late.

“Wait!” he exclaimed making me turn in his direction with a surprised expression on my face “we can walk together and if you want you can sit with me and I’ll share my book with you” I couldn’t help the frown on my forehead. Zach was definitely kind, but not to this level, he was socializing voluntary with me, someone who wasn’t even close to his little world or the people in that world, it was odd.

“Okay… thank you” I answered trying to sound convinced. He reached me and we started walking to class together “how it is that you’re late to bio? You’re always the first one there” I added realizing he was late to his favourite class.

When I didn’t get any answer I looked in his direction and I saw him smiling again, this time even wider. We got to class so I wasn’t going to get any response to my question.

The class went by as usually, this was one of the few classes I liked, I liked to consider myself a person of letters, but I was good at everything in general, even though I hated all the subjects related to science or maths, that’s why it was something unusual that I liked this one in particular and that was the reason why I was always dazed in the teacher’s explanations, but not this time. I couldn0t stop looking to Zach and see how he took notes of everything and how he knew all the answers to the teacher’s questions, even though he just answered them in his notebook and not out loud. I guess that being good at something not related to sports wasn’t “cool”.

Unluckily for me Zach caught me staring and I tried to hide my smile, but it was impossible, I just looked in the teacher’s direction and started to take notes.

“You’re better at this than I thought” I whispered while I was writing the things that I saw in the blackboard.

“That means you knew I was already good at this” he answered looking at me all the time.

That answer was as odd as the rest of things that were happening with him this morning.

“Well, we have this class in common, why wouldn’t I know you’re good at it?” I asked looking at him again.

“Just an observation” there it was again, that smile, the third time I got that smile.

The bell was close to rang when Mr. Porter came into the classroom and I knew he was there for me, I just had to wait to hear my name and see how everyone looked at me.

When he did it I looked at Zach, who was looking at me with something like surprise and concern. I just grabbed my things and followed Mr. Porter to his office.

“I know why you have called me here” I said before he could even start “and I just have to say that everything is ok, I’m fine” I added with my usual tone.

“Your parents don’t think the same, they seem really concern”

“well, they are parents, when you have kids you’re life turns into an endless hole of worries, but I’m fine, I don’t know what they’ve told you, but I know exactly how I feel, can I go now?” the bell rang, great I was going to be late for second period too.

“How do you feel? I’d like to know it so that way I can help you”

“Why do you want to talk about it? To make me feel bad? I’ve said I know how I feel, it doesn’t mean I want to talk about it”

“If you don’t talk about it you won’t be able to solve it”

“This is a waste of time” I said standing and taking my bag. I was in a good mood this morning, but not anymore, thanks to this stupid “try to talk about your feelings”.

“(Y/N) wait” Mr. Porter stood like he was going to follow me, but he didn’t, I walked out of his office without looking behind and I let a big sigh leave my chest.

I started walking to communication class when I heard a certain voice calling me; I turned in his direction with surprise in face again.

“Is everything ok?” Zach asked coming to me.

“Yes, what are you doing here?” I needed to know the answer to that question, because we weren’t friends, we just had a few classes together and now all of the sudden he’s worried about me.

“I just wanted to make sure everything was fine” when I heard how sincere he sounded I felt something I had never felt before, it was like something inside me was completed and I just smiled widely.

“That’s really nice of you” I mumble “Thank you”

We remained silence, I didn’t know what else to say and he looked like he wanted to continue talking, like there was something he wanted to tell me and just when I was about to turn in the opposite direction he talked.

“Would you like to go to Monet’s some time?” he sounded almost nervous. Like if he was exposed to a terrible danger.

I looked at him, confusion all over my face, I was trying to make sense to the fact that he wanted to go out with me, I didn’t want to think he was playing with me, like it was some kind of bet with his friends, that would be really painful.

“Zach… I don’t want you to misunderstand this, but… why?” his expression didn’t change.

“I don’t know, you seem interesting and I’d like to get to know you better” now I was totally amazed.

“Is this some kind of bet you want to win? Because if it is-“

“No!” he said stopping me “no, no bets” I think he realized then why I have my doubts “I promise you it’s nothing like that”

“Then why are you interested suddenly? We’ve been in the same classes since freshman year and we have never had a real conversation, we’re from different worlds and I know you’re nothing like your friends, because if you were I wouldn’t even be talking to you, but when you’re with them… I don’t know, you’re not like this, I guess…”

“I get it, I have a reputation, but give me a chance to prove you that I’m not like that, and you won’t regret it”

“I’ll accept if you tell me the real reason behind this interest”

He stopped for a second, maybe thinking if he wanted to talk about it or not.

“I know you are the one who has left notes in my compliment bag” I opened my mouth to say something, but words didn’t come to me, I was speechless, I didn’t know if I should deny it or tell the truth “You’re not the only one who notice things, you know? I’ve notice how much you enjoy when we are in literature, how you are in your own world when you are bored, how much you like animals” I was blushing by the second “you like bio even though science is not your favourite area and how you laugh even when the jokes aren’t funny at all”

I couldn’t believe how much he noticed me, I always thought no one looked in my direction and that was why I felt so comfortable doing my things.

“How… how do you know the notes were mine?” I whispered, trying to recover myself form the things he had said to me.

“Because I know you’re the only one who knows how much I like bio” he answered giggling “and in your first note you wrote how cute I look when I’m paying attention in bio and that you think I looked happier there than playing basketball”

“That could be anyone…”

“That’s what I thought at first, but you have confirmed my doubts today” he said laughing at my recently shyness “Thank you for the notes by the way”

“Compliments are necessary” I said trying to change the subject.

“Then what do you say, do you want to go to Monet’s some day?” I wasn’t entirely sure about this, I really wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe this was just a game and I think he knew how insecure I felt “I get you have doubts, I just ask for one chance”

“Ok, I’ll go out with you” I said almost cutting him, if I thought about it more I’ll change my mind and I wouldn’t give him a change to prove he had good intentions.

His expression change suddenly, he smiled brightly and I tried to hide mine but it was impossible, I looked in other direction so he couldn’t see it, but I think my attempt was useless.

“I promise you won’t regret it” he said thrilled “do you want to go to the library? We are already really late to class anyways”

“Sure, and you can help me with something I don’t understand in bio” I said walking by his side to the library.

“Of course”

anonymous asked:

soulmate au with park jihoon?😉

thanks for requesting!!


- in this universe, whatever you write on your skin will show up on your soul mates skin as well

- the first time jihoon saw the ink on his skin, he almost fainted

- because one; after all these years, his soulmate finally communicated with him??? and two; you were a damn good artist 

- small doodles would litter on his arms or hands 

- and jihoon would get super excited about it!! even though he couldn’t draw well, he left compliments besides his soul mates drawing and hoped that was enough 

- but soon enough, there would be pretty portraits of flowers or little chibi cats that encourage him to get through the day(which jihoon diES for because it was so cute!!)

- even when he’s been practicing for hours, he sees the small encouragement from you and he’s like 

- ‘’where have you been all my life’’  

- and as much as he admired your drawings,,,jihoon felt like a sucky soulmate because he just jotted down random little notes or chores that he had to do 

- (okay but low-key jihoon seems like the person to be struggling during a test and would ask his soulmate for help lMFAO ) 

- ( ‘’hey,,,what’s the formula for quadratic equation again,’’

- ‘’aren’t you in the middle of an exam right now?” 

- ‘’,,,ple ase’’ 

- ‘’… ax2 + bx + c = 0′’ 

- ‘’thANK U,,i owe u my life’’ 

- ‘’how could you forget? please pass math u dummy’’)

- !! ok anyways, the two of you would communicate like that for a while 

- and while jihoon knows that all he has to do is ask to meet up for the first time 

- he’s?? scared?? 

- like what if you realize that he’s just a loser after all this time and someone who isn’t worth your time??

- but after some pep talk from jinyoung, he manages to scribble down wanting to meet you on his arm and just waits 

- (even tho we both know he probably almost fainted asking to meet them)

- and you know he almost screamed once he saw the words forming on his arm 

- ‘’yes!! lets meet tomorrow at carat cafe?? here’s my number,,,’’ 

- lets just say even the neighbors could hear jihoon screaming with delight at the thought of finally meeting you!!

Originally posted by extraongdinary

I secured the bag in my professional life and my personal life. I am beyond grateful that this is what I’m able to do for my mama with my legit earned money. I never have cash but that’s ok cause now my mama always does.💃🏾 I told myself that I would get my own consistent big money modeling or via sponsor and the universe said why not both? The power of the mind is no joke. Law of attraction is real. I won’t get into any details about work or my sponsor but I will say my life is going in a way that I would never have imagined. I’m so grateful. I’m so inspired to do more and I just want to spread good vibes and positive energy.

“Boy mode” vs “girl mode” 🚹🚺 As much as I wish it wasn’t the case, the honest reality of my current existence is that one of the partners of my company is super-religious and I still have to ‘present male’ at my 9-5 office work for the time being. Though even today with digging an old tee from my music days out of retirement, I feel like my best boy mode I can muster lately is getting pretty weak. Other than a full eye, I wear pretty much the same full face of makeup at work plus basically a self-imposed uniform of plain black tee, skinny jeans and flats. I’m in this weird limbo where everyone in my personal life knows about my transition for the past year and I pretty much present female exclusively, but at work nobody “knows” but I’ve clearly changed visually and CLEARLY wear makeup and make no dedicated effort to present masculine (save for today’s tee). I have a hard time believing that nobody has put the pieces together, but I suppose they probably think I’m just gay or something. (But everyone knows I’m happily married?) I work super hard and am good at my job so I’ve not been directly confronted for now. I also have avoided being honest about it on Facebook because of co-workers, but because of my music following as well, which is what 99% of my Facebook consists of (which I’m honestly less worried about). I just can’t afford to lose my income and insurance. Anyway. I just want to be honest about this because it’s an awkward existential issue to have, even temporarily. I came honest about being transgender to rectify my feelings with my appearance and body - and NOT feel like I’m living some kind of double life - and that’s exactly what I feel like I’m literally having to do for now. But I know it’s part of what I’ve gotta do. I don’t know when the timing is going to feel right but I’m going to have to be honest about this with my bosses, and I’m not sure how that’s gonna play out. Hopefully it will be ok and they’ll figure out s way to not be uncomfortable. At this point not much would change, but it’s hard to drop the “T word” and it’s hard to not imagine religion getting in the way.

She's A Bitch C.H

Summary: Basically, Calum’s girlfriend is a bitch and can’t stand you and vise versa, so you and the boys set out to try and make him realize how cruel she is.

Masterlist

Request

Words: 2,000+


“Calum!” His annoying girlfriend called out to him as soon as she barged into his house on our friend group’s annual movie night. Calum his my best friend, and in our group is Michael, Ashton, and Luke. They are literally my only friends, and I love them dearly, but I hate, hate Calum’s girlfriend. She hates me too.

Whenever Calum turns his back, or isn’t around, she a straight up bitch to me, and sometimes to the other boys too. Yet, Calum doesn’t know, and one time I tried to tell him, he yelled at me and we didn’t talk for days. It sucks honestly, but what can you do? Calum is oblivious.

When she came and sat down on his lap, I groaned and rolled my eyes. Michael chuckled and Luke tried to hid his smirk. Ashton just smiled and shook his head. “Oh, you’re here.” I said with a distaste in my mouth. The boys -all except for Calum- chuckled. Calum sighed, “Y/n just leave Molly alone, we’ve been over this, we’re a couple.” I sighed and let out a half-hearted laugh.

 "Ok Cal, whatever. You can go back to sucking your girlfriend’s dick now.“ I said as I walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. In the background, I heard the boys howling with laughter.

I turned around to look at the person who was standing in the doorway, and what do you know? It’s the bitch herself. "Listen to me Y/n, I don’t understand what you’re doing, but you really need to back the fuck off of Calum, he’s my boyfriend, and you’re nothing but a loser piece of shit who can’t get her pathetic life together.” She spit out and turned away and left before I could attack her.

I growled and stormed back into the living room, “Cal, can I talk to you?” I asked as he nodded and walked into the kitchen with me. “What’s up Y/n?” He asked as I sighed, “Listen Cal, I’m going to say this straight out, and I’ve tried to tell you before, but Molly is a total bitch ok? She literally just said how pathetic I was and how I’m such a piece of shit and can never do anything right!” I shouted as I started to grow angrier and angrier.

Calum sighed, “Listen Y/n, I don’t mean to offend you or anything,” oh no, he isn’t, “But, maybe she’s right. You are kind of reluctant on leaning towards my fame and wealth to leach off of me.” He said as my jaw dropped.

“How the fuck can you say that, when all I do is buy everything when we go out, spend the most money on you guys, take care of you guys, buy everything we ever need to have parties and movie marathons, and do everything I fucking can to help and support you!” I fumed at him. “All she does is make you buy her things, and call me names, and make fun of the boys, and all of that shit that you must think is so amazing. Right Calum?”

He rolled his eyes and stalked back into the living room with everyone else. I was fuming, and I was so fucking fed up with her putting things into Calum’s head like that. I waked back into the living room as calmly as I could and spoke loudly. “Hey Luke? Can you come into the kitchen with me, I have a problem and I need a real friend to help me.” I said glaring at Calum the whole time.

Luke looked around at me and then to Calum and widened his eyes while getting up quickly and rushing into the kitchen with me. “Listen Luke, Calum was just all like how I leach off of him and do all of this shit, and how Molly never says anything to me, or you guys for that matter, so I have a plan. I’m telling you first, because you’d be my seconds best friend, after that dickhead I call a best friend, and I really need your help to get Molly on tape, to talk about what she always says to us.” I spoke in a quiet hushed tone.

Luke grew a huge smile on his face and nodded his head enthusiastically, “I’m totally in, I hate that bitch just as much as you do.” He said with a chuckle. I laughed along as we walked back into the living room. “Hey guys, I was thinking we should go back to my place. We could play video games and I have beer.” I suggested facing Ashton and Michael.

They both looked at each other in confusion and I faced my back towards Calum and Molly. I directed my eyes to the side Calum was on and slowly shook my head so they could -hopefully- see that we needed to get away from Calum and Molly.

Ashton seemed to catch on and nodded his head for him and Michael. “Yeah, me and Mike will come with you guys, it sounds like a lot of fun.” He said with a smile as they both got up. They said goodbye to Calum, as did Luke -yet no one said goodbye to Molly. I didn’t say goodbye to either of them, and right before we left I heard Calum call out to us, “Wait, guys, can we come with you?” He asked with a look of doubt on his face.

I laughed sarcastically, “Of course not Calum, you’ve been a dick to me, and I really just want to hang out with my best friends without someone who finds it ok -and apparently loves- when my self esteem gets lowered.” I said with a glare as I turned and motioned the boys to leave so I could go to. The last thing I heard when we left was Calum sigh and Molly laugh.



We arrived back to my house and I gathered everyone in the living room. “Ok, listen up, I say, Luke, you get Calum out of the house while us three set up some cameras and everything all around his house. When everything is finished, we’ll call Calum and have a get together to ‘apologize’ and all that.” I said as we started to make the plan.

Ashton chimed in next, “We need to also somehow get Y/n and Molly in the same room alone so Molly says all of those things to her again. This time, it will all be on tape so Calum will be forced to see how awful she is.” I smiled and nodded along to what he was saying.

“Great!” Luke said, “But why do I have to distract him?” He questioned as I sighed, “Listen Luke, you always know how to force Calum to do things he doesn’t want to do. Have him out of the house and do something until we tell you we’re done ok? That’s the most important part of the mission so don’t fuck it up. Ok?” I asked as he nodded with a small smile.

“Ok, let’s get this started,” Michael said with a smile, “I have a friend who works at a tech store and can get us some really good cameras. I’ll bring them here tomorrow so Luke, call Calum up and tell him you want to do something tomorrow.” He instructed as he went to call his friend about the cameras.

This is going to be so good.


Everything was going according to plan, Luke was out with Calum, and Michael had brought the cameras. Me, Ash, and Mike were at Calum’s house setting everything up. We had three cameras out in the kitchen, four in the living room, and two in the hallway. We didn’t want to do the bedrooms or the bathrooms just incase something we weren’t supposed to see happened.

When everything was finally finished, we left Cal’s and called him to have an 'apology’ get together for Molly and Cal. He bought the whole thing.

When the 'party’ actually started, the boys had somehow figured out a way to get them into the kitchen while me and Molly were both sitting in the living room across from each other.

“Wow, Y/n did you gain weight?” Was the first thin Molly started off with in her spiral of insults. I smirked as she kept going. “I mean, you certainly look fatter, but that must just because you never get off your ass and do anything productive with yourself. You know? I really think you should get a job or something.” You laughed, “Molly, I’m off of college for the summer, I cant get a decent job without a college degree.”

She sighed, “Well I was going to say you could go into modeling, but you’re too fucking ugly for that. Plus, they wouldn’t want a worthless lowlife like you there anyways.” As she finished saying that, the boys all came back.

Calum sat next to Molly on one couch, and the rest of us sat piled on top of each other in the tiny couch. “Ow Luke you punched me in the face.” Michael complained as I laughed at him, my laughter was then cut short as Luke was pushed onto me and crushed me. “Ow Luke.” I whined out.

“Maybe we should head out and do something.” Ashton suggested, “Is everyone game?” He asked everyone, including Calum and Molly. Calum looked over to Molly and she nodded with an eye roll. Calum smiled, “Yeah, we’re in, let’s go,” Everyone stood up. “Actually, I think I’m going to go home, I’ve some things to do today, so I can’t really hang out.” I lied as I looked at Michael knowingly.

Michael gasped, “Oh shit, I just forgot I had something to do as well. Looks like it’s just you guys going.” He said as everyone left Calum’s house. While they all went in a car somewhere, me and Michael drove around the block so Calum wouldn’t get suspicious, and walked back inside his home.

“Alright, lets get these cameras down and into a dvd to show Cal her bratty attitude once and for all.” I said with a small smile on my face as we started getting to work. When it was all finished, I took the tape to my uncle’s to get it changed into a dvd to show Calum. “By this time tomorrow Mikey, this should all be over.” I sighed with a smile as Michael pulled me into a side hug and rubbed my shoulders.



When the next day hit, the boys and I walked up to Calum’s door and knocked so we could get in. The dvd in my hands was starting to get sweaty because of my palms. The door opened and Calum showed up and looked confused, “Hey guys, what’re you doing here?” I ignored him and walked inside with the boys following behind me. “Is Molly here?” I asked as I looked around the room.

Calum shook his head, “No she’s not here.” I smiled, “Good, the boys and I have something to show you.” I had Calum sit down on the couch as I put the dvd in.

“Wow, Y/n did you gain weight?" The Molly that was on the screen said. I smirked as she kept going. "I mean, you certainly look fatter, but that must just because you never get off your ass and do anything productive with yourself. You know? I really think you should get a job or something.” You laughed, “Molly, I’m off of college for the summer, I cant get a decent job without a college degree.”

She sighed, “Well I was going to say you could go into modeling, but you’re too fucking ugly for that. Plus, they wouldn’t want a worthless lowlife like you there anyways.” As she finished saying that, the boys all came back, and she put a large smile on her face.

The video cut out and we all looked at Calum. Ashton was the first to speak, “Listen man, she’s been saying things like this for the whole amount of time you’ve been dating her. It’s also not just Y/n she says these things to, she says things to all of us, we just got this part on tape to show you.” Ashton sighed as we all looked to Cal to see his reaction.

He sighed and walked out with his phone in hand. We all looked defeated as he walked out to the kitchen. We were all silent for a while until he came back with a bright smile on his face. “I broke up with her, thanks for showing me that guys, and I’m really sorry for not believing you guys. Can you forgive me?” He asked while not looking at any of us.

I shrugged and walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him. “Of course Cal. We forgive you. At least you broke up with her right?” I asked with a laugh as he hugged me back. “Group hug!” Luke yelled and everyone was suddenly engulfed in a hug.

At the end of the day, we are all the five best of friends, and nothing, not even a demon from hell can stop us from being together in the end.

THIS POST IS NOT MEANT AS A BRAG BUT I'M FUCKING CHUFFED AS HECK SO APOLOGIES BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU ALL HOW PROUD I AM OF MYSELF AND IT FEELS NICE

Today was my last day of my job, and I am so sad!! Maybe you can make this into less of a braggy wank fest by telling me about the last time you proved yourself!!

For those who didn’t follow my ever so exciting life, for the past 3 months I have been working as the cashier on a TV drama. I was responsible for all the cash that went through the production - all £35k of it! - and keeping track of everyone’s expenses, prop sales and so on. I’ve never done a job this big before, and I was incredibly nervous going into it. I considered turning the job down, as those who saw my initial panic will know, because I felt out of my depth and like I was too inexperienced. I felt like an impostor, basically.

In the first month, the assistant accountant quit, and suddenly the Accounts department consisted of two people: me and the lead accountant. Almost immediately, I was also doing invoices and shit (we accountant sorts call this AP, for Accounts Payable, because acronyms aren’t just cool street slang). Also a pay rise. Solid.

Today, I returned all the leftover cash to the bank and discovered that I’d kept accurate track of the cash to the absolute penny. That’s a fucking miracle; I was doing two jobs, working 6 days a week, 11 hours a day, and I didn’t screw it up. I’d been so nervous going into this job, feeling like I was going to cock it up spectacularly and be fired on day one, and I knocked it out of the goddamn park.

I worked my arse off, got shouted at by a mildly famous actor, drank more Cup-a-Soup than is recommended by any doctor, laughed until I cried about BRENDA THE AGENT WHO IS NOT OK, and it was brutal, and I’ve had no life at all for 3 months (hence my absence on here, although I’m also still lacking a computer) and I feel VERY PROUD AND EMOTIONAL because I’ve had so many people tell me today that I’m underselling myself and could do bigger jobs as a second assistant accountant if I wanted to, and that I am capable and competent, and that they want to work with me again, and omg????? I cried???? So much?????

And now I’m unemployed and what the fuck do I do now with all this free time

lostfanboy  asked:

"Hey, hey, calm down, they can't hurt you anymore." With treebros and/or kliensen because I'm in an angsty dear Evan Hansen mood

As much as I love setting things in the AWE universe, I decided to go for a slightly happier Connor Lives au for a change (with an extra side of “they all became friends”). Slight Sincerely three. (TW for homophobic slurs)

Send me characters or ships from musicals with a prompt from here.


Jared stared at his locker, a stony expression on his face. The thick, black strokes stood out against the dull blue he was so familiar with that seeing that precise shade anywhere else made him sick. Three characters. Three simple characters had ruined his whole day. Two of the characters were created with three sharp strokes, while the last was created as a continuous curve. 

   F  A G

There was a small, phallic doodle underneath the word. It wasn’t clever. It wasn’t good. Hell, even the spacing was off. But it made his blood boil all the same.

He wished he could laugh it off. Find some cleaner that could get rid of sharpie, wipe it off, pretend it never happened. That’s what he should do. But something in his brain wouldn’t let it go. It took every ounce of control he had to not break down right there, in the middle of the hallway like a freak. He clenched his fists so hard he could almost feel his fingernails break his skin.

“So Evan asked for my help with his math homework,” Jared had noted long ago that Connor was never one for proper greetings, often startling others by initiating conversations when he hadn’t even announced his presence, just like now, “except I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing in that class so I figured the three of us could– Hey, are you ok dude?”

Jared didn’t turn to look at him. “Peachy.”

“What’s the–” Connor followed Jared’s gaze, eyes landing on the crude graffiti. “Oh no.”

“Fuckin’ stupid. It’s just some idiot with a sharpie who has nothing better to do with his life than harass some kid no one even talks to.”

“That doesn’t make it better. That doesn’t make it ok. That doesn’t make it right.” Connor sighed. “It still fills you with rage. And you still have every right to feel that way. I’ve been dealing with this bullshit since seventh grade.”

“Is that so?” Connor nodded in his periphery. “So how exactly do you ‘deal’ with it?”

“Punch the kid that did it in the face. They usually think twice before doing it again.”

“Sounds great. Recognize the writing? I would love to punch something right now.”

Connor examined the thick strokes. “Can’t say that I do.” He pulled out his phone and began taking pictures.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Gathering evidence. Knowing our school system, they’ll have the janitors clean it up this evening and pretend it never happened. We can show it to the administrators and get the vandal’s ass expelled.”

“But we don’t know who it is. And the administrators aren’t going to take it seriously unless we have concrete proof.”

“Yeah, but we got a killswitch named Alana Beck who probably knows everyone’s handwriting and won’t stop badgering them until they find and punish the one’s responsible.”

“For the love of god do not send that to Alana.”

“I won’t. So long as the administrators take this matter seriously.”

“I’m not going to take it to them.”

“I know. That’s why I’m going to.” Jared tried to protest, but at that moment the bell rang. “I should get to class. See you at Evan’s.” And with that Connor walked off. Jared took one last glare at the locker before dragging himself to his next class.


Jared rang the doorbell until Evan answered. Evan seemed surprised to see him.

“Where’s Connor?”

Jared shrugged. “He just said we should meet here after school. So here I am.” He looked at Evan. “Wait, Connor really isn’t here yet?” Evan shook his head. He moved aside and invited Jared in. Jared followed Evan to the living room and sat down on the couch.

“So, um, how was your day?”

Jared shrugged. “Uneventful.” He discreetly clenched a fist.

“Oh.” The two sat in silence for a few moments before Evan spoke up again. “So, um, like, don’t get mad but um, Connor– Connor told me about the locker.”

Jared shook his head. “Of fucking course he did.”

Evan frowned. “He just, um, he said he thought he knew who did it but he wanted me to confirm before saying anything, and, um, he was right.”

Jared suddenly felt the bottled up rage become active once more. “That fucking liar, he said he didn’t know–”

“Well, that’s why he talked with me. Because, um, he thought I could recognize the writing. And I did.”

Jared stood up. “Who the fuck did this? I need to teach them a lesson.” Moving as fast as he could, Evan jumped out of his seat and blocked Jared’s path.

“We-we-we already told– We already told the administrators and, um, they’ve talked with the person, and they’re considering the appropriate punishment.”

“I think I’ve got an idea for an appropriate punishment.” He tried to get past Evan, but the boy blocked his path again.

“Jared, it’s-it’s fine, it’s being taken care of, and you don’t even know–”

“Get out of my way Evan!”

“Hey, hey, calm down, they can’t hurt you anymore." Blinded by anger, Jared pushed Evan aside. And suddenly all the anger he felt was replaced by regret, and sadness. Evan stared at him, concerned and almost fearful. Jared stepped back as his eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m fucking– I didn’t mean– I’m an asshole– I–” Jared sank to his knees as the tears fell. He was so angry he had shoved Evan Hansen, the boy he’d cared about so much that Jared had literally worried himself sick over his wellbeing.

“I know, you were– you were just angry…” Evan rushed to Jared’s side, kneeling right next to him and putting his arm around Jared. “Look, I’m ok. I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me. I’m fine.”

Jared gasped for air between sobs. “I don’t… I shouldn’t care this much… I don’t… I don’t know why I’m so angry…”

“Jared, you should feel angry. What they did was– what they did was fucked up, it probably messed with your sense of security, and you shouldn’t have to make excuses for how you feel.” Evan moved so he was kneeling directly in front of Jared. “But you’re safe here. You have me. And we will make sure the bastard that did this gets what they deserved. Nobody should make you ashamed of who you are.” Jared looked into Evan’s kind eyes, so full of love and understanding, and began bawling again. Evan wrapped his arms around Jared in a hug, and Jared just held on as if for dear life. The vandal had made him feel ashamed of who he was, but somehow Evan made him feel proud of it, like he was special because of who he was. 

It took a few minutes for things to calm down, but Jared stayed clinging to Evan for as long as he could justify. They finally broke away, Jared wiping away tears and chuckling a bit. “So, when does Murphy get here? He said you had some math homework you both needed help with?”

Evan’s phone went off. He pulled it out. “Speak of the devil,” he muttered. He saw Evan’s face contort into a horrified, then frustrated expression as he read the text. Evan rolled his eyes, shook his head and turned back to Jared. “We have to go help Connor.”

“What? Why? What happened?”

“He injured his hand, it’s all bloody.”

“What did he do?”

“Punched some kid’s teeth in.” Every bit of self control Jared had was focused on keeping his facial muscles in check, but he still couldn’t help the small smirk that slid across his face.

<//❤️~Oo°*_( 桜さくや )_*°oO~❤️\<

Tadaaaa !
The other drawing for husbando Sakkuuuun (/❤️u❤️)/~~~~ <3
<*_~ SaKuRaSaKuYa ~_*> ! c:
wuh !
I always wanted to draw him like this since I know about the #桜さくや hype on Twitter :’D NOW - FINALLY.
HAVE SOME PINK SAKUYA <3
pink suits him so well, he'sgoddamnhandsomeasalwaysjfc ///^///) I already smell the scent of cherryblossoms…. <3 spring feeeeliiingsss ~❤️~

haaahh..I’m so glad I managed to draw a digi drawing for him too  although I’m still super busy with final exams ._. BUT NO, I’d go through sleepless nights just to finish fanarts for his birthday *^* !!
alright, it's STILL his birthday, so we can still celebrate and talk about what a great person he is…. <3 ALL DAY LOONNGGGG


It’s actually the 4th time celebrating his birthday, which means I almost love him for 4 years, FOUUURRRRRR YEARS ;w;)9 !! <3 ma luv, ma baby <3
Thank you so much StrikeTanaka for making him EXISSSTTTTTT ( 9;////;)9 ! what would be life without Sakuya, seriously :’D! 

Moreover it’s sad I can’t show my love for him like japanese fans can do, like..LOOK AT THAT AMOUNT OF MERCHANDISE THEY HAVE. HOW MUCH MONEY HAS BEEN SPEND ON THIS. IT’S LIKE THEY’RE RICH AF. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ;////;? Ok they do have the benefit that they don’t have to order that stuff overseas etc v.v)! ahahahah ~ what a great life :‘D at least that’s all I can do for Sakkun now ;//w//;) <3

anyways, hope u like this one too >w>)/ !! <3 <3 <3