ok so sometimes i literally have to go to the bathroom, not to “go to the bathroom” but because a piece of my hair has fallen off my head, & gotten somehow perfectly lodged between my two butt cheeks but had gone unnoticed until someone asks me an important question at work & i find myself nodding along diligently but inside my head all i hear is “this fucking tickles”
is that BRANDON ROUTH? no, that’s RAY PALMER also known by some as THE ATOM but the world thinks they are just an INVENTOR. if I’m not mistaken HE is THIRTY SEVEN and they were AGAINST the hero ban. (r/they+them/21/cst)
❛WELCOME TO STAR CITY, R, send in your account within TWENTY-FOUR HOURS or your role will be reopened. please let us know if you need an extension!!! ❜
Frost is finally going on vacation
for 2 weeks with his wife and you agreed to take care of his two boys. Mister J
was hard to convince, but you always have your way in the end. You can be
You love Jonny’s sons, they are
absolutely adorable: Kaden is 6 years old and Zane is 5. They will stay with
you at your hideout in the woods because it will feel like a vacation for you also.
The same can’t be said about the Joker; he was completely against you two babysitting
for so long.
“Uncle J, can we watch a movie?”
Kaden asks, slowly heading towards the bedroom where him and his brother will
“Don’t call me that, I’m not your
uncle!” he bitterly replies, putting his guns away. He is extra grouchy because
you told him to stash away everything a kid shouldn’t be around.
“Auntie Y/N, can we watch a movie,
please?” Zane shyly tries his luck, knowing you probably won’t say no.
“She’s not your aunt,” J mumbles in
the corner of the living room, locking away the guns and the knives in the
“Yes, of course, you guys go to your
room and put away your things, then come back,” you smile, ignoring the Joker’s
“I’m going to go take a shower,” he
scoffs as he closes the seif.
You choose not to answer, digging
around for a movie in your collection.
After the shower, J comes back to the
living room to find the boys cuddled to you, half asleep.
“Move, brats!” he demands, stretching
The young one gets watery eyes, his
lower lip quivering:
“Auntie Y/N is mine…” he manages to utter,
clenching to your arm.
“You wish! Move!”
“J, seriously?!” you sigh,
“You’re so mean Uncle J,” Kaden
“I’m not your uncle!” J growls,
narrowing his eyes.
Kaden starts crying:
“Uncle J is so mean all the timeeee…”
The boys crawl in your lap, upset someone is trying to take you away from them.
You try to comfort both, kissing their foreheads and squeezing them tight to
The Joker takes a deep breath and
sits down by you, resting his head on your shoulder. You elbow him, irritated
he made the kids cry.
“But you’re mine,” he whispers in
your ear, frowning. “Tell them to move.”
“What are you, three years old?!” you
mutter through your clenched teeth. “Stop your crap!”
** *After you avoided catastrophe and
put Kaden and Zane to bed, you started fooling around with J because he wanted
to apologize for being a jerk the best way he knows how. Not that you mind at
Suddenly, a knock on the door.
“Auntie Y/N,” Kaden calls out, “my
little brother had a bad dream.”
You can hear Zane whimpering.
“Go back to bed, you’re fine!” J
yells, pulling you back on top of him when you try to leave.
“Baby, he had a nightmare,” you try
to reason with him while he continues to kiss you.
“Don’t care. They ARE the nightmare!”
“Come on, J, don’t be like that!” you
sigh, fully aware he’s dead serious.
“But I’m already naked, we have to
finish what we started!” he complains, slapping your thigh.
“Uncleee Jaayyy, I’m scared,” Zane
bawls his eyes out outside the door now.
“Dammit!!!” the Joker closes his
eyes, deliberating on what he should do while you take advantage of the
situation and get off him, starting to put your nightgown on. “This is so not
cool, doll ” he shakes his head and finally gets out of bed, grabbing his
shorts and getting dressed, unamused at the ordeal he has to go through.
He goes and opens the door, Zane
immediately rushing in to hug his legs, crying. J rolls his eyes, resigned.
Kaden just stands there and you signal him to come in.
The Joker picks up the young boy and
he wraps his arms around J’s neck, weeping on his shoulder.
“Stop crying, you pest, it’s fine.” He’s a
natural with kids.
Mister J turns around:
”Hey, what are you doing?” he
grumbles seeing Kaden cuddled to your body.
“Come here, my little baby, did you have
a bad dream?” you gesture for J to bring Zane over.
“Y-Y-yes,” he stammers, reaching his
hands for you.
“Really, Princess? They’re not our children,
they shouldn’t be in our bed,” he states the evident fact like it’s some kind
of news flash.
“Give it a rest, will you? Let them
He talks to himself in a low voice,
saying not very nice things for sure, but gets in bed nevertheless.
“Scoot over, kid, I wanna sleep by my
girl. Can I do that at least?” J sarcastically asks but of course Kaden doesn’t
get the tone in his voice. He crosses over to the other side of your body, this
way you two are in the middle like the Joker wanted.
“I hate kids,” he whispers in your
“No you don’t, baby. We will have
some too.” You keep on caressing Zane’s head, reaching over J’s chest.
“Oh, hell no, no way that’s gonna
“We are so having some, at least
“Shut up and rinse your mouth with
holy water, Kitten.”
You start laughing softly.
“I might be pregnant right now, you
never know,” you wink, teasing him while the boys are quietly dosing off.
“Jesus, Pumpkin, don’t give me a
heart attack, I’m too young,” he huffs, unhappy at your little joke.
*** “I’m going to marry Auntie Y/N!”
Kaden decides after finishing breakfast.
“Sorry, brat, she’s already taken,” the
Joker spoils the fun like he usually does.
“No, I’m gonna marry her!” Zane
screams, ignoring J.
“No, I’m older, she’s mine!”
“No, Auntie Y/N is mine!”
They start fighting and you watch,
“Aww, how cute. Hey, boys,” you get
in between them, ”you can both marry me, ok?”
“Really?” the young one looks full of
“Definitely!” you reassure them as
they hold your hands in theirs.
“That’s bullshit!” J puckers his
lips, aggravated. He’s so mature.
You glare his way, really wanting to
“Looks like I have three kids: a 39
year old, a 6 year old and a 5 year old. How did I manage that?!”
“Shut up, Princess.”
“Don’t tell my wife to shut up!”
Kaden snaps, stepping in front of you. You lift your eyebrows, satisfied.
“Exactly, baby, be careful or my boys
will tear you to pieces.”
“Yeah, right,” he taunts them, taking
a sit on the couch.
“Kill the enemy, he’s being mean to
our wife!!!!!” Kaden shouts, yanking Zane away and charging towards the Joker,
jumping on him and yelling as loud as they can. And wow, the Joker cracks a smile while tickling them and trying to slam them on
the couch. Holy shit on a stick, that’s absolutely insane.
*** J is walking around shirtless
because he doesn’t really like to wear too much around the house.
The boys keep on staring at his
tattoos, they sure look more interesting every time they see them.
“Uncle J, are you really God’s only child?” Kaden asks, curious
the hear the answer.
You giggle, lifting your eyes from
the book you’re reading. I guess J gave
up on asking them not to call him uncle because they don’t care anyway.
“Hmmm, it’s quite possible, brat.”
“Wowww, did you ever see God?” Zane
inquires, both of them with their mouth opened, anticipating his reply.
“A lot of times.”
The boys gasp.
“So many times, about 10 to 12 times
a week with your Auntie Y/N,” he grins, watching your eyes getting as big as
“ J, what the hell?! ” you throw your
pen at him and he dodges it, so pleased of his clever answer.
“Wow, Auntie Y/N, you saw God too?!”
the boys turn towards you, amazed.
“Oh, yes, she did, I always make sure
of that,” the Joker laughs, talking for you and biting his lips while you
squirm in your armchair.
“Zip it, J !!!” you throw your book
at him and miss. He keeps on laughing.
“How does God look like, Auntie? Is
You give J an evil glance and then
you have the perfect comeback:
“Average,” you smirk at your little revenge.
J’s smile freezes on his face. Ha!
Serves you right!
“I’ll show you average, you little
smart ass!!!” the Joker heads towards you as you start running away with the
boys chasing the two of you, screaming up a storm because they think you are
*** J took a shower and now he’s parading
around the cabin with only a towel around his waist. You urged him to go put
some clothes on because you have kids around and he had a temper tantrum so you
decided to go and fix the problem.
“Here, boys, you can play video games
on TV, OK? I have to go and talk to J and we’ll be back. Will you be good
“Yes, Auntie Y/N,” they both answer in the same time, pushing each other on the
way to the couch, snickering.
You go in your master bedroom and you
watch him for a few seconds as he slams stuff around, looking for something to
wear, still mad. It makes you smile, he’s so dramatic sometimes. You lock the
door, then sneak behind him and pull his towel away.
“I’m not in the mood for games,” he
sulks, watching you throw the towel on the floor.
“I know why you’re grumpy, baby. You
are sexually frustrated because we got interrupted last night.”
He squints his eyes, trying to say something but you don’t let him.
“I know exactly what you need, you
have about 30 minutes before the boys get bored and come looking for us.”
You violently push him on the bed and
his green hair gets all over his face.
“Jesus, woman, what the…” he lifts
his head and watches you take your clothes off as fast as you can.
“Shut up! Like I said: about 30
“Wh-what am I supposed to do in only
“Your best. Come on, let’s get it out
of your system.”
“I’ll let you know, Kitten, this is
not cool at all!… Ohhhh, come to Daddy,” he smirks when he sees you
completely naked, forgetting his other speech.
“Try to be quiet,” you whisper, crawling
on top of him and pressing your lips on his.
“I don’t wanna be quiet!” he gropes
“Jeez, stop being so feisty, you’re
*** You get your face out of the
laptop, realizing it’s very quiet around the house. Where’s everybody? You walk
around the cabin, then get outside. You circle around and finally see the Joker
and the boys.
“See? You hold it like this and then
“Baby, what are you doing?”
“I’m teaching them how to handle a
gun,” he nonchalantly replies like it is the most normal thing in the world.
“Really?! Can you please put the gun
away in the seif?! Seriously now!”
“But Uncle J is showing us his cool
gun, we wanna see some moreeeee,” Kaden whines, causing Zane to do the same.
“Yes, we are doing some male bonding,” J yawns, kind of bored.
“Male bonding, male bonding!!!!!” the kids start jumping up and down, not understanding what he’s really referring to, but it sounds cool.
Maybe these brats have something going for themselves, the Joker thinks, watching you go back inside as you shake your head in disapproval.
*** Frost picked up his kids and now
he’s driving back to Gotham, drinking his coffee and chatting with his wife
while the boys are having fun in the back sit.
“Daddy, guess what?” Kaden gets his
“What is it?”
“Did you know Uncle J saw God?”
Jonny smiles and the wife sighs. Ahhhh, kids
“Did you know Auntie Y/N saw him too?”
“You don’t say, boys, that’s really
something” he winks at the wife, sipping on the coffee.
“Yes, he said he sees God 10 to 12 times
a week and he makes sure every time that Auntie sees him too.”
Frost spits out his coffee and slams the breaks in the middle of the road. He
starts coughing, still chocking while laughing with all his heart.
“I’ll be damned, we need to catch up,
darling,” he says turning towards his wife while she chuckles, entertained at
the revelation. He wipes his mouth beginning to drive again. And then he
“We need to let them babysit more
often, this way we can find out all the dirty details.”