ok i'm not good at saving money

Nintendo: Hey guys! We’re remaking Fire Emblem: Gaiden from the ground up, look out for it on May 19th. 

Me: Neato, I’ve got some money saved up I should be good. 

Mangold: It’s official Logan arrives digitally on May 16th and physically later in the month. 

Me: Ok? I guess I can save up I still have some ti… 

Treyarch: Sup kiddos, We’re releasing Zombie Chronicles on May 16th that includes 8 of your favorite zombie maps built for the next generation. 

Me:

cr1tikal sentence meme: mr. president edition
  • "Don't worry, I was raised to fuck!"
  • "Don't worry, I'll keep the crowd entertained."
  • "How's it goin', pussies?!"
  • "Really sold out crowd here. Fuckin' jam packed."
  • "I am the wiener cleaner! The meaner wiener! The greener wiener!"
  • "Wow, what the fuck is happening?"
  • "It's very windy in here. Either that, or Eleven thinks I'm the Demagorgon and is sending me for a wild ride."
  • "To master the Matrix, Neo, you must first master hopscotch."
  • "This looks like a fucking Precog from the movie Minority Report."
  • "Get down, someone's got a laser pointer!"
  • "Check it out, I'm a dog! Give me Scooby Snacks!"
  • "Actually more like a Chupacabra. Or the girl from the Grudge movies."
  • "P-O-T-U-S! He has nipples on his chest!"
  • "Don't worry, I got you covered this time! Syke."
  • "I'm giving the crowd what they want. I'm giving them a good show."
  • "Holy shit. This bodyguard's tough as nails."
  • "Unfortunately I'm probably deaf over there now but that's neither EAR nor there!"
  • "Looks like I'm just gonna have to take all this money. For evidence, of course."
  • "I was born with glass bones and paper skin."
  • "Damn, really blasted myself off that time. To infinity and beyond."
  • "He doesn't even need bodyguards. This man's the bullet whisperer."
  • "Did he come in his pants?"
  • "Sometimes a man comes, sometimes he doesn't come. That is the way of nature."
  • "It's like a fucking Foo Fighters concert with all these fireworks."
  • "His head exploded like a Lego."
  • "CPR. Don't worry, I'm certified."
  • "No, I'm just eating his body."
  • "There was nothing anyone could have done. I might as well get some nutrients out of this."
  • "I'm clearly just keeping the organs fresh. By eating them."
  • "I just saved this poor man from almost getting crushed by a stack of money."
  • "I'm a true hero."
  • "Ass tastes so good you wanna go back for seconds."
  • "This is not a drill. We're at Def-cock Two."
  • "I'm still the champion of justice."