Responses from my Q&A article
Hey guys, I just want to start this article out by saying “Thank you” to all of my subscribers who submitted letters or advice in response to my Q&A article a few days ago. The responses blew me away hearing from all of you who are just as interested in sharing sexual experiences with your wives and girlfriends, and who are experiencing the same “struggles” as I am to get there. Now, I’m using the word “struggle” because, at the moment, I can’t come up with a better term. However my experience hasn’t been so much a struggle as it has been an ongoing conversation of trying to assure my wife that my intentions for this are good.
Anyway, the responses I got from you were astounding. I got responses from readers who have just started their journeys all the way up to people who have been living the lifestyle for several years now. I got a lot of questions, suggestions, and personal stories and wanted to take a few minutes to share what I received with everyone. Hopefully this information will help those of you who might not be as comfortable asking these questions to a complete stranger. So with that being said, here goes..
The one question that I probably get the most is “How do I get started?” and I’m pretty sure that everyone that asks me that question already knows the answer to it. You’re probably thinking, “well why would they ask the question if they already know the answer?” Well with sex being a sensitive topic with most couples, I’d say that most of the people asking me this question know that the obvious answer is “You have to talk to you wife first” and I truly believe that some guys are afraid of starting there for fear of looking like some kind of sexual deviant to their wife. So they ask the question to get that nudge that they need in order to get them moving in the right direction. Let me just say this – If you’re looking for a way to get your wife into a threesome or hotwifing that doesn’t involve talking to her and reassuring her that this is something that YOU want, you’re simply not going to find it. She needs to know that you are 150% committed to HER, and how you find her irresistible and that by watching her you get turned on. These are the types of things she needs to know in order to ever be comfortable with bringing someone else into the bedroom. Stability and trust in your relationship will also be key. If you fight all the time, or can’t talk to each other openly about things then you’ll never succeed with this journey. One last thought on this topic is that you should NEVER EVER try and use something like this to try and “repair” a troubled relationship. Build each other’s trust and talk openly with each other, and for god’s sake listen to each other. If she’s hesitant about bringing someone else in, then back off the topic for a bit. Don’t push it, and don’t get mad about it. Go back to reassuring her and building her up as the beautiful woman that you love.
In a conversation with one of my readers, a woman who has been hotwifing for her husband for a while told me about how she can relate to how my wife currently feels and had this to say.
“…as a dedicated wife who never imagined doing anything such as the Hotwife thing, I totally understand her reluctance. Hubby and I have been doing this for over a year now, and it took several months before that for him to convince me to try. I really wish I’d had another Hotwife to ask questions to and potentially even share experiences, pros/cons, etc. All in all our experience has been good, but there is of course a learning curve as to each other’s wants and needs.”
This conversation, while brief, really opened my eyes to the fact that even if I ever get to the point of finally convincing my wife to do something like this, that even after she goes through with it there will still be some work to maintain the relationship so that both parties involved will get everything out of the experience that they want so they can both truly enjoy the experience.
In another conversation I’ve had with a different reader, this time from a guy’s perspective, he shared a different approach to trying to convince his girlfriend.
“…So I have been with my girlfriend for four years now, however I have fantasized about watching my girl who ever she be with another man. For many relationships I kept this a secret fantasy, as society has brainwashed us into thinking relationships are supposed to be a certain way. Anyways, I thought long and hard as how to approach my current girlfriend and tell her what I want to do. I’m a dirty talker in bed so I thought about sneaking it in that way..”
He goes on to describe an encounter with his girlfriend where he did just that just to see if he’d get any sort of reaction from her. I think good or bad, he was just looking for a way to “break the ice” so to speak or at least open the door to the conversation. I’ve personally tried to do the same thing by dropping hints in text messages to my wife, or trying to hint to her when she mentions how hot she thinks some celebrity is, etc. I think these types of things are important too – you can subtly let her know that you’re not some jealous freak and that you’d not only trust her to have sex with someone else but that you’d actually enjoy it!
Later in the same conversation, he went on to describe how after several encounters with his girlfriend she finally admitted that she would be interested in having sex with another man and they started talking about limits which is another good point to bring up. If you ever convince your wife/girlfriend to get into the Hotwife lifestyle you should both set limits for each other. This will help both of you feel more comfortable and get the most out of the experience. I’ve seem limits in terms of the guy having to wear a condom and NO KISSING on the mouth, all the way to the most relaxed limits of “if you’re going to have sex with other men, then you MUST take pictures and send them to me” - whatever it is, have your “rules” in place.
If you’re still looking for ways to “break the ice”, another reader messaged me with the suggestion of roleplaying with your wife. This is great way for both of you to bring up your own fantasies and live them out without the fears associated with having another person in the bedroom for the first time. If you’re open with your partner about what turns you on, then you can relax and enjoy the sexual experience a little more. Once you get past the fear of your husband or wife thinking you’re a pervert for being turned on by certain things, then sex becomes more enjoyable because you fully express how it turns you on. If the Hotwife lifestyle is what you want your wife to get into, then start by roleplaying with her. Pretend that she’s in the shower and you’re the guy coming to fix the TV and you catch her in nothing but a towel.. You can take it from there. If she enjoys the experience, then you never know – you might come home from work one day and find her on the couch with the REAL TV repair guy going at it! How amazing would that be?
For now, I want to close up this article, but I have one final message from a conversation with a reader. This time I’m going to share the whole message and hope that the reader doesn’t mind me sharing this but the message is fantastic and paints a picture of the entire experience that I thought was so great and thorough that I wanted to share the whole thing. This might give all of you that are struggling to convince your wives an idea of the amount of time and patience it takes, but also a taste of the rewards you could get from your dedication and hard work.
“Hi! Best wishes for 2017! Read your Q&A. I was just wondering if you and your wife have sex imagining that it was another guy fucking her, or you fucking her after she has been fucked by another man? I myself am in the lucky position that my wife is actively hotwifing for about half a year now. The road towards that has taken about 3 years… I recognize the reservation and doubt in your wife. That was the same with my wife. She was afraid I was bisexual, or maybe even homosexual at first… ‘Why would you want another man in our bed??’
It took about 3 months to convince her that it all was coming from love and admiration, and that my arousal was and is very much triggered by her arousal and beauty. Also she had noticed a change in herself since she has been with me. That’s 4 yrs now. With me she was able to enjoy sex to an extent that she hadn’t experienced with her former partners. And her way of giving in to that sexual pleasure was something I had never seen with my former partners.
She regularly got in a kind of fucking frenzy, almost insatiable and begging to be filled as complete as possible. Deep, thick and hard… She loved it when I fisted her for the first time. I told her that to me it seemed that all of her primal instincts took over at these moments. She admitted that it was exactly like that. She could not restrain herself at such times, she just felt the urge to breed. She got convinced completely of my good intentions by the sincerity she read in my eyes during the times when we talked about me wanting her to have sex with others.
Soon she started to join me in role play, in which I would eat her imagining she had been fucked by another man right before that. That developed to the stage that I would ask her who had been fucking her. At first she was reluctant with that, but quite soon she started fantasizing about real existing men. She had her favorites… It was superhot for the both of us, as I knew several of the men she imagined herself fucking. At that time it seemed that all that would remain a fantasy. But one day she asked how we should do that in reality, after I said that if she had the opportunity one day, that I would be ok with it that she fucked a guy without me being present. That was the moment she completely gave in, and admitted that she wanted others to fuck her for real.
She started to explore and getting more familiar with some men (fathers from school…) and then the summer of 2016 arrived. She met one of those for a cup of coffee in town, and ended up making out wildly in our living room while I was at work. A week later he fucked her in our marital bed. I reclaimed her an hour later…
Recently she has started fucking one of our neighbors. One of whom we said might be too risky… He knows I know, and although he still doesn’t completely understand where I come from, he admits it’s an awesome hot experience. We will be going to a sensual party together with him and some others later this month… All of the above is true, and I wrote this to explain how things worked out for us, and how we got to this stage. Maybe it can help you and your wife..”
Please keep the comments and messages coming! I love taking the time to answer them for you and sharing them in this blog for others to enjoy.