ok i regret making this

It isn’t exactly love.

Or rather, it doesn’t fall under one, singular form of love. It’s a convoluted, chaotic tangle of emotions that have ebbed and grown and just come to be within Killua.

Every time he looks at Gon, even after all these years, he feels that same punch of air in his lungs, his eyes trying their best to focus on him but not being able to because Gon, well, Gon is too bright. Too bright and unobtainable, happy and boisterous and absolutely ridiculous.

It never fails to make Killua smile.

“You’re such an enhancer.”

Gon turns around to stare at him, cocking his head to the side, eyes wide and bright and brimming with life. There’s a fond smile in them, because he’s where he’s most comfortable- at sea, with his closest friend in the world.

“Did you say something?”

Killua laughs softly before taking a few steps forward and slinging an arm over Gon’s shoulder. “I was just contemplating how big an Enhancer you are, which is me saying you’re an idiot.”

Gon pouts, and Killua laughs even harder.

“Well, you’re the one that stayed all these years with this idiot, so I guess that makes you the even bigger idiot!” By the end of the sentence, Gon is all smiles again, and Killua practically cries with laughter at the astonishingly childish response.

“I guess,” Killua wheezes, “I guess you’re right!”

Gon sticks his tongue out before turning to face the sea again, leaning his weight into Killua. He’s solid and warm, a constant beside Killua that he’d never exchange for anything in the world. Gon, after all these years, had finally managed to convince the rather stubborn Zoldyk that he needed him, for better or for worse, and so their adventures began once again, fun and exciting and dangerous.

“Killua.”

Killua blinks at the sea, trying to ingrain the blue of the waters and the smell of salt piercing his nose, making a moment he knows he’ll cherish for as long as he shall live.

“Hmm?”

Gon doesn’t say anything, but a hand grabs hold of the back of Killua’s shirt and clenches, fisting the material till it’s almost completely scrunched up. Gon isn’t leaning into him anymore but his face is buried in Killua’s neck. He doesn’t need to speak, he’s never had to.

Don’t leave again.

Stay.

I’m sorry.

Killua kisses his temple softly, almost reassuringly, just a gentle press of his lips against the side of Gon’s forehead but it’s enough for the man to relax his hold.

Killua bites back his own tears, as silent questions, statements, demands, confessions, screams pour out of every crevice of his body, overflowing because he can’t possibly contain it anymore.

But it all sums up to one thing, one sentiment, two simple words that are so easy to say, but he wont say them, because he knows, no matter which star he wishes upon, he’ll never be granted this one. And that’s ok.

It’ll be ok. 

It has to be.

Be mine.

nameless crossroads demon, true form + humanoid glamour. i love this awful mouth man.

nicky + knitting +andrew + sweaters  @neilsexy is my muse (hey eden ily)

  • okay so once nicky moves back to germany he learns how to knit right
  • and he always sends stuff he’s made to the foxes (because nicky is amazing and cares So Much) and especially to andrew and neil bc they’re so smol and their pro team is somewhere up north so it’s cold a lot and nicky is a Concerned Parent
  • whenever nicky asks andrew and neil while they’re skyping if they’ve gotten the things he’s sent them andrew scoffs and claims he’s gotten rid of them in various ways (“I put the sweater on a stray dog” “I used the scarf to build neil and I a fire” “I threw it out the window to get some carolers to stop singing”)
  • nicky completely believes him bc it’s andrew we’re talking about he would definitely do all of these things, we know he would
  • but neil loves the gifts and makes sure nicky knows it, he wears them a lot bc it makes him think of his family (pause for tears)
  • BUT

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