We think we’re in bagginshield hell, but no one knows bagginshield hell like the other dwarves

There are different levels, you see

And this is the man we’re trusting to run a country: Balin, Bofur, and Nori

Thorin is so bad at this; it’s no wonder he doesn’t have any kids and we’re the heirs: Fili and Kili

For fuck’s sake, just let an orc kill me; it’d be less painful than having to listen to another stuttered half-confession of love by my king to an oblivious hobbit: Dwalin and Oin

I cry myself to sleep every night from the sheer romance: Ori, Gloin, Dori, and Bombur

I will shag an elf if it would get them together; I really would. I mean it. Find me an elf. I’ll do it right now: Bifur