When Tolkien wrote The Hobbit
  • <p> <b>Tolkien:</b> What? You want a bed time story?<p/><b>Tolkien:</b> Oh boy...<p/><b>Tolkien:</b> <p/><b>Tolkien:</b> Okay, I've got it, it's the story of a Hobbit, a wizard and thirteen dwarves, Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, Ori, Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin<p/><b>Tolkien:</b> You better keep up and remember all the names<p/></p>
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Hobbity holidays everyone! Here’s my christmas card design for this year <3 May your holidays be filled with good food, a warm hearth, and someone to snuggle.

Imagine: Balin Giving you Love Advice

Originally posted by daryl-dixcn

   An exasperated sigh left your lips as your vision was blocked once more by your hair falling in front of your face.  The Company had set up camp, and you were tasked with gathering firewood.  Every time you knelt down to gather a fallen branch on the forest floor, your hair would fall in front of your eyes.  It was really getting on your nerves.

   You had tried just about everything: brushing it back with your fingers, combing it into a ponytail, and even attempting to braid it.  But unfortunately, you did not have anything to keep it in place.  Your hair clips had gotten lost on the journey.

    “Allow me to help you with that.”  You recognized the kind voice of Balin as he walked over to stand beside you.  He reached for a strand of hair, but hesitated as he looked to you for permission. “May I?”

   You were grateful that he wanted to help, but also a little confused.  “Yes, thank you very much.  But Balin, isn’t hair-braiding a sign of courtship in your culture?”

   “Not always, child. It can also be done by people close to you.  Like family,” he replied.  He motioned for you to take a seat on the nearby fallen log as he set to work on separating your hair for the braids.  “Seeing that you’re on this journey without your relatives, and that you’ve become like family to us, I thought it would be fitting for me to help.”

   A smile spread across your face as you were touched by his words.  All members of the Company cared about your safety, but Balin had become more of a grandfatherly figure.  He made sure you had enough to eat, had a good enough cloak for the weather, was there to hear you out whenever you needed a chat.  You remembered when you first met him right before you joined the Company.  He made such a fuss over your clothes since he was not familiar with your culture.

   “Goodness, child,” he had said.  “Your shirt doesn’t have sleeves and you’ve got holes in your trousers!”

   “Where I come from, jeans with holes in them are quite fashionable,” you had explained in amusement.

   Since then, he took it upon himself to look after you and help you adjust on the journey.  He also enjoyed telling you stories about the history and culture of his people.  Some of the information he shared was meant to remain secret to outsiders, but he had come to trust you and saw no reason for you to use the information against them.

   “Thank you,” you said quietly, grateful for his friendship.  

   “You’re very welcome.” The smile was evident in his tone. A comfortable silence fell between the two of you as he worked.  He was so careful with your hair, not even pulling at the strands once.  You let your eyelids flutter closed as you relaxed a little more.  “Such beautiful hair,” he commented, moving to work on the braids in the front.  “And such a brave and respectable young lady.”

   You kept your eyes closed, but smiled.

   “It’s no wonder a certain member of the Company is so taken with you.”

   Your eyes snapped open at his statement, and you turned your head to look at him in surprise.  Somehow, you you knew exactly who he was talking about.  “What?”

   “Please remain still,” he fussed.  “One of the braids almost came undone.  I would have had to start over.”

   “Oh, sorry,” you mumbled, turning your head back to gaze straight ahead as you did before.  You wondered if it would be wise to inquire further about his comment.  

   “It seems you fancy him as well,” he concluded. Yep, you were both definitely talking about the same member of the Company As if he knew you were about to protest, he spoke.  “I may be old, but I am not oblivious to such things, ________.”

   “I assure you that I have no intention of getting in the way of the quest,” you said.  “He has a duty to the Company and the quest. Besides, I’m not so sure he feels the same about me anyways.”

   “There is a way to find out for sure,” Balin said mysteriously.  He went quiet, hoping that you’d take the bait.

   “…How?”

   He smiled mischievously. “Suppose you were to, I don’t know…accidentally get an injury.  A mild injury.  A sore ankle while walking back to camp, maybe.  He won’t be able to mask his concern for you.”

   “Mr. Balin,” you gasped at how sly this plan of his really was.  “Are you suggesting I feign an injury to see him worry about me?”

   “Perhaps.  Perhaps not.”

   “Honestly, I didn’t know you could be so… sneaky.”

   He chuckled, and then he stood back.  “There. I used a few of my spare beads to keep the braids in place.”

   “Thank you again,” you said, standing up and gently brushing your fingertips along the back of your hair. It was one long braid composed of three smaller braids all tied together neatly.  “I have to get back to gathering firewood.”

   “Be careful.  We wouldn’t want you to hurt your ankle, or anything,” he said, winking.  You laughed at his suggestion, shaking your head.  You weren’t going to go through with the plan.  There was no need to make anyone worry unnecessarily.  But it was definitely amusing nonetheless.

(Author’s Note:  The unnamed Company member in this story can be referring to any of them.  And AWMAHGAWSH!  I can just picture Balin as being this overprotective grandfatherly figure, but also kind of a nosy old person that can’t resist meddling with people’s love lives, haha!) Also, gif is not mine.  Credit to original owner!

Who should you fight: The Company of Thorin Oakenshield

There is now a ‘who you should fuck’ companion to this post, for those who want to make love not war.

Balin: Dude survived the fall of Erebor, Azanulbizar, and Thorin’s quest. He survived Smaug twice. It took Moria to take him down, and there was a fucking Balrog in there. Are you Gandalf? Are you as strong as a Balrog? Of course not. Do not fight.

Dwalin: Just look at this guy. He is just waiting for an excuse to feed someone a knuckleduster sandwich. Do not give him a reason to. Death itself looks at Dwalin and thinks ‘I’m not really up to that today’. Do not fight.

Oin: He’s deaf, so you might have the upper hand briefly if you sneak up on him, but that’s not going to last long. He’s a tough old warrior and he’s seen far worse than you. He’ll defeat you and complain loudly about disrespectful youth the entire time. Do not fight.

Gloin: Do you think fighting Gimli’s daddy is going to end well for you? He’s going to kick your ass and charge you interest for it. Do not fight.

Bifur: The axe couldn’t take him out, do you really think you can? Do not fight.

Bofur: Why do you want to fight Bofur? Do you hate happiness? Doesn’t matter anyways, you’re not gonna win. He’s got hella muscles from mining and he’s vicious with that mattock. He’ll probably buy you a beer afterward and then you’ll feel like an ass. Do not fight.

Bombur: Dude is barrel whirlwind of axes and death. He is a tank. He could take you out with nothing but his battle spoon. Do not fight.

Dori: He might seem like an easy target, with his fussy nature and delicate manners, but beneath that elegance lies the strongest Dwarf of the Company. Will kick your ass and make you feel like a clod for making him do it. Do not fight.

Nori: I get why you want to, really. He probably stole something of yours, and he doesn’t look all that intimidating, but trust me. No. Any attempt to fight him is going to earn you a knife somewhere uncomfortable. Do not fight.

Ori: You want to fight Ori? You look at this tiny muffin, this sweet nerdling with his little scarf and his little quill, and you want to fight him? That is not going to end well for you. Beneath that soft exterior lies surprising strength. If you really make him, he’ll grab up some improbably sized weapon and go to town. And that’s if you’re lucky and his brothers don’t get you first. Do not fight. 

Fili: Did you see how many knives this ray of sunshine had on him? This guy is a well armed and highly skilled warrior. Do not fight.

Kili: With those puppy dog eyes you really want to fight him? Really? I mean, go ahead you monster, but it’s not going to end well for you. Dude is fuckin’ fearless. Do not fight.

Thorin Oakenshield: After all canon put him through you still want to fight this guy? This guy got used as a warg matriarch’s chewy-toy and just shook it off. This guy is going to kick your ass and then stare into the distance and sigh dramatically while his luscious locks flow in the wind. He kicks your ass and comes out the other side even more majestic. Do not fight.

Bonus Round - Bilbo Baggins: He seems like an easy target, but wait up. Look at his success rate vs really strong foes including THE ONE FUCKING RING. Do not fight. Do not risk it.

TL:DR - do not fight the Company of Thorin. Your flabby human ass does not stand a chance.

Lee’s Face

Originally posted by breathingbarduil

Lee’s Chase

Originally posted by leepacesgarden

Lee Disgrace 

Originally posted by rebeccastiltskin

Lee Grace

Originally posted by magicbunni

(at) Lee’s Place

Originally posted by timeladv


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50 shades of Lee Pace

Imagine: Thorin and the Company Defending you from Alfrid

Originally posted by drinkupmeehearties-yoho

   You struggled against the soldier’s grip, managing to break free.  This gave you a moment to make a run for it, but the crowd of people that had begun to gather in the cold night kept you from escaping.  The soldier took hold of you again forcefully, shoving you into the clearing among the rest of the Company.

   “What is the meaning of this?” the mayor of Lake-town demanded, storming out of his manor.  He was dressed in long nightclothes, and what remained of his greasy hair was combed to the side.  He rested his hands on the porch railing as he glared down at you and your travelling companions.

   “We caught ‘em stealing weapons, sire,” a guard replied.  You felt someone behind you push you forward.  “She was standing guard.  Apparently, she’s one of ‘em.”

   “Ah, enemies of the state then, hm?” The mayor’s eyes narrowed. 

   You shot him an irritated look while the one called Alfrid paced up to you.

   “You might want to step away from the Lady,” Dwalin grumbled.   Alfrid ignored his warning.  

   “Strange for a young woman to be traveling with a bunch of dwarves.”  He grabbed your chin and tipped your head up slightly to meet his eerie gaze. The way he leered at you was a bit unsettling. It didn’t last long before you smacked the hand away and elbowed his chest to make him keep his distance, and he went stumbling back.  You smirked as some of the Company chuckled in amusement while he tried to regain his balance.

   “Why you-” he snapped, reaching to grab your wrist angrily.  

   “Stop!” Thorin barked, starting forward.  “You will not lay a hand on her!”  The other members of the Company voiced their agreement, ready to jump to your defense if Alfrid neared you again.

  “Yes, leave her alone!” Ori said bravely.

  “Or you’ll have to answer to us!” Bofur added, straightening his back to look as tall and intimidating as he could.  

  The dark-haired man before you shrank away, startled, as Balin came forward to usher you closer to the others.  Though Alfrid tried to look threatening, you knew he was afraid of your friends.  “A desperate bunch of mercenaries if there ever was, sire,” Alfrid spoke over his shoulder.  Seeing as he was no match for the Company, all he could do was spout insults.

   “Hold your tongue!” Dwalin growled from beside you. “You do not know to whom you speak. This is no common criminal.  This is Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror!”

   Thorin stepped forward. “We are the dwarves of Erebor.”

    Whispers and hushed conversation arose in the crowd around you.  People knew exactly who he was.  

   “We have come to reclaim our homeland.”  The Company leader took a step forward, his eyes scanning the crowd.  “I remember this town in the days of old.  Fleets of boats lay at harbor filled with silks and fine gems.  This was no forsaken town on a lake!  This was the center of all trade in the North!”

   Shouts of agreement rang out.  

   “I would see those days return.  I would relight the great forges of the dwarves and send wealth and riches flowing once more from the halls of Erebor!”

   Pride welled up within you as Thorin’s speech gradually earned the respect and support of the people. The sad people that you saw when first arriving in Lake-town had been filled with hope.

  “Death!”  Bard’s voice called from the back of the crowd.  You turned to look at him, shocked that he was opposing you after helping. “That is what you will bring upon us.  Dragon fire and ruin.” He made his way to the front. Thorin stared him down, and the two of them argued it out. You took the opportunity to do a quick scan of the Company. Kili was looking as pale as ever from the arrow wound.  Fili seemed to be paying more attention to his brother than the situation at hand. Bilbo stood there in nervous silence as he watched the exchange that would decide whether the Company could continue on the journey or not.

   Thorin made his promises, Bilbo vouched for him, people cheered; but the mayor of Lake-town didn’t seem too convinced at first.  Alfrid did not hesitate to voice his suspicion.  Finally, when the matter had been settled, the mayor paused dramatically.

   “I say unto you…” He pointed his finger at the company.  “Welcome!” The crowd erupted in cheers, and you exchanged hopeful looks with Bilbo.

   Relief washed over you when the soldiers backed off, and the mayor came forward to invite you all in for a feast.  It was a wonder that he had some much food to spare when it looked like the entire town was struggling to feed their families.  It was also interesting how all of a sudden Alfrid was showering you with compliments and being ridiculously nice now that you were deemed a guest.  Thankfully, Thorin approached you almost immediately.

   “Stay close,” Thorin told you, gently pulling you to his side and shooting Alfrid a cold look to frighten him off.  “We may have won their favor, but I do not trust them.”  

   “I can look after myself, you know,” you replied, though you weren’t objecting.  You cared for a certain Company leader, and there was a part of you that enjoyed his concern for you.

   “I know.”  You thought you saw an amused smirk on his face as his eyes locked with yours. The light-hearted expression vanished as quickly as it had appeared.  “It would still be wise if the Company stays together.  Especially you.”

   You nodded, smiling.  “And you stay close too.”

   This time, he couldn’t hide the smile as the two of you followed the others into the hall for the feast.

(Gif is not mine! Credit to original owner!)