ohjeez

So I got apple juice this morning and this was the front of the box

Any normal person would see a smiling apple being all like

“Hi. I hope you have a wonderful day and enjoy this apple juice.”

What I saw was

“hey”

“i see you have some apple juice”

“drink it up champ”

“buy yourself something nice while youre at it”

“because you have made a fine choice of beverage”

“just buy more apple juice and store that shit up for winter”

“stuff that shit in your cheeks like a squirrel and hide in a tree”

“be the squirrel champ”

so today i was having a bad day, and today is my moms birhtday, who passed away three years ago, and well i deicded to check my notes and i

uhm

DIDNT

HANDLE —

IT VERY WELL. 

thank you gavin for indirectly making me feel better, man 

Oh My Buddha

Why is my dashboard bombarded with shirtless men and penis tonight

I tend to have to look over my shoulders and stuff to make sure no one is behind me

having straight roommates is so boring

Nah I just don’t want my friends to see penis on my laptop

But everyone is gone so… yay~ oh jeez nope

Hospitality Team Meeting Shananigans:

“I like guys who read”
“Wait, you like guys who breed?”
“You like guys who breathe?”
lololol.

“I like girls who don’t pretend they are something they’re not.”
“do you like girls who shave?”
“what?”
“cuz they are all pretending they aren’t wild beasts!”

“I like guys who like kids!”
“…so pedophiles…”

“I like girls who do cute things”
“like farting like this? boop!”
“LOL wait do you think we fart like boop??!?!?”
HAHAHAH.

“When you’re pregnant and get a C section, it means imma Cut you.”