What I want

I want that relationship where you can talk on the phone, or in person for hours about random things, about life, about fears, about things that make me anxious. Random face times or Skype calls or phone calls at three in the morning to say I miss you, I want that relationship where we know every little bit of one another, know each other’s favorite song, favorite color, favorite movie. I want that relationship that even when we fight, we can’t bear to stop talking. I want the relationship where if one of us are feeling sad we just cuddle the night away in silence, or talk about what happened that made us feel that way.

I want to lay out and watch the stars, fall asleep in the grass. I want to adventure and fall in love with her over, and over, and over again every time I look into her eyes. I want her to make me realize that everyone I’ve been with in the past, was only making me better for her. I want to visit all the wonders of the world, and be able to say I kissed her at all of them.

I want to know every inch of the person I’m with, every inch of their being. I want to know what makes their beautiful mind theirs, I want to know every inch of their soul and what they’re passionate about. I want to know every little centimeter of their body, I want to know trace every birthmark, every scar. I want to see them on their bad days, and on their good. I want to love them as a whole, and I want the same for me.

But people like this don’t exist anymore. At least not for me.

And that’s what breaks my heart. I get into these meaningless relationship just for them to end because I was never enough. I give my all, just to end up empty.

And I’m done.

anonymous asked:

When are you going to resume writing your ffs? I really miss your writing :( love you!

hello bb. i miss everyone too! i do plan on coming back relatively soon, and while i’m still on hiatus, that doesn’t mean i haven’t been writing. in fact, i’m currently working on four fics for my return - three of which are series. i’ll even give a rundown of them. 

1. wayward daughters - a supernatural series (likely, multiple series) that i wrote for my best friend, @black-shad0w-w0lf . sam and dean winchester go to a small town in ohio when two people are killed - ripped apart. when they get there, they realize that the murderer is likely a demon. but their troubles only continue when they meet two female hunters, jade ashcroft and mckenna knight (both are OFCs), who might actually keep more secrets than they do and make getting rid of ohio’s demon problem all the more difficult. i just finished the entire first draft for this series, but i need to back through and edit edit edit. it’ll likely be 15-20 parts.

2. soldat - this will likely not remain the name of this fic, but whatevs. this is that angsty bucky x reader series i was working on pre-hiatus and wanting to rip my hair out because of it. i still want to rip my hair out, but i have the bones of the series, and now i just need to flesh it out. it’s maybe…30% finished?  i don’t really have a great summary for this yet, but bucky confronts someone (reader), who he knew in his winter soldier days. lots of angst, lots of flashbacks. this fic was a request with the prompt being the song “house on a hill” by the pretty reckless and it turned into a monster. it’ll probably be 8-10 parts. but who knows for sure.

3. breaking us - another request. this one was by the lovely @imhereforbvcky with the song “get away” by jessie j as the prompt. this song really tears me up and tbh i hate her for sending it to me because now i’m writing this angsty as shit tony stark x reader oneshot and it’s just sad as fuck. 

4. court of thorns and roses/court of mist and fury - ok so if you guys haven’t read these books by sarah j maas. you need to. they’ll change your life. i literally just got an idea for a series based off these books the other day, and i’m still writing the outline. this one will probably just be written for me more than anything else tbh, but i like the storyline i have so far so i figured i might as well share it. 

i suppose i’ll continue death wish at some point, but at the moment i honestly don’t have a whole lot of muse for it. but never fear, dear anon! while i’m still technically on hiatus, i am working on things. and as soon as i make some more progress on them, i’ll be back and ready to share with you all. also bc i’m needy and don’t want my lovely readers to forget me, i’m tagging some of ya’ll below the cut so you’re all PREPARED. 

my return is imminent. 

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