What I want

I want that relationship where you can talk on the phone, or in person for hours about random things, about life, about fears, about things that make me anxious. Random face times or Skype calls or phone calls at three in the morning to say I miss you, I want that relationship where we know every little bit of one another, know each other’s favorite song, favorite color, favorite movie. I want that relationship that even when we fight, we can’t bear to stop talking. I want the relationship where if one of us are feeling sad we just cuddle the night away in silence, or talk about what happened that made us feel that way.

I want to lay out and watch the stars, fall asleep in the grass. I want to adventure and fall in love with her over, and over, and over again every time I look into her eyes. I want her to make me realize that everyone I’ve been with in the past, was only making me better for her. I want to visit all the wonders of the world, and be able to say I kissed her at all of them.

I want to know every inch of the person I’m with, every inch of their being. I want to know what makes their beautiful mind theirs, I want to know every inch of their soul and what they’re passionate about. I want to know every little centimeter of their body, I want to know trace every birthmark, every scar. I want to see them on their bad days, and on their good. I want to love them as a whole, and I want the same for me.

But people like this don’t exist anymore. At least not for me.

And that’s what breaks my heart. I get into these meaningless relationship just for them to end because I was never enough. I give my all, just to end up empty.

And I’m done.