oh..ok

what sort of sibling are you: voltron edition

shiro:
- “You’re such an idiot I hate you!” [cooks dinner for them] “You need to learn how to do things for yourself!” [drives them places]
- mum when mum isn’t home
- “DON’T DO THAT YOU’LL HURT YOURSELF, DUMBASS!” is a common phrase

lance:
- you work with your siblings as a unit
- buy the BEST gifts
- the funny sibling

pidge:
- embarrassing sibling
- asks for things even though you’ve done nothing to deserve them and get those things
- you wonder why your parents don’t call your out on more things
- secretive

keith:
- “oh i didn’t know you were related to them”
- “oh i thought you were an only child/only had 1(or more) sibling/s”
- stays in room
- your siblings are slightly afraid to challenge you to a fight

hunk:
- an only child
- you think you know what having a sibling is like, even though you don’t have any
- you actually do know because you have cousins and close friends you grew up with
- happy

matt:
- “I’ll make dinner” (3 hours later) “Oh shit ok I’ll make dinner now.”
- the gay sibling
- very open with their siblings
- “Don’t tell mum and dad but-”

youtube

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What do you all think of this announcement?

The Only Good Context for Tentacles

So we were going through the underdark on a quest for some kind of artifact. Since we didn’t have a dedicated healer, our sorcerer specialized in crowd control and came up with very creative ways to use his spells.

We had been driven to the middle of a bridge and it was being cut from both sides. We had lost a lot of health and the spellcasters were low. The chasm was very deep, and none of us liked the chances with falling. Looking like a party wipe and the DM didn’t appear to like it either. We had accepted our fate.

Our characters all shook hands and did the “It was a pleasure serving with you.” Thing.

The rope was cut.

Fighter: “*Sorcerer, don’t you have any featherfall spells?”

Sorcerer: “No first levels left… WAIT! I have an idea!”

Sorcerer OOC: Can I cast a spell while falling?

DM: What level?

Sorcerer OOC: “4.”

DM: Beat a 14 concentration check

Sorcerer succeeds and shouts: “I cast Evard’s Black Tentacles!”

We all just look at him. He’d just recently leveled up so he hadn’t used this spell yet. DM pulled open the book to see how the spell worked.

DM: Ok…Oh-OH! Yeah. That’ll do it. So you see the sorcerer point to the ground that is rapidly approaching and you see rubbery tentacles spring straight up. As you fall, each grabs tight to you and begins squeezing really hard, but never lets you hit the ground. You are all being grappled.“

Rogue: “Did you just save our lives by improvising a HENTAI CRASH PAD?!”

Sorcerer: “I’d never thought I would live to hear that combination of words!”

Through our rogue pulling off good escape artist checks and getting everyone out, we all survive the fall only slightly worse for wear.

Sorcerer uses the spell religiously now.

Bellamy’s that husband you send out to get milk and he comes back 2 hours later with 5 puppies instead.
Only instead of puppies, they’re children.

it’s times like these I remember there are good people in the world. lawyers are literally sitting in airports finding ways to get refugees and immigrants into the country. they’ve been working all day. this makes me cry.

did i ever tell yall the story abt how i saw one of my exes at a grocery store and she had a baby carrier with a baby in it and after awkwardly greeting her out of obligation i stared at the baby and didn’t know what to say so i just blurted out “where did you get that” in a tone as if i were inquiring her as to what aisle she grabbed an eggplant from

and she looked down at the baby and was like “………….he’s mine” and we both had this mutual uncomfortable silence and a shared moment of ‘why did u say it like that’ before i was like “oh ok bye” and i left and then moved states like three days later

Don't ever leave the table in the middle of an argument...

I’m DMing Pathfinder for a group of six players (around level 7) whose characters don’t really see eye-to-eye. They had just taken down a boss with a sleep arrow and were discussing whether they should kill him or let him live.

LG Monk (IC): I say we let him live. Killing him only makes us as bad as him. And anyway we need to question him.

Rogue (IC): But if we let him live nothing will change.

Oracle (IC): I agree.

LG Monk (IC): No. No I won’t let you. We’ll question him and take him to the guards.

OOC the guy who plays the monk goes to the bathroom.

While he is gone:

Rogue (OOC): Can I stealth and then make a Coup de Grace attempt on him without (LG Monk) seeing?

DM (Me): Oh my God, OK, give it a shot.

*Rogue proceeds to roll an insane Stealth check (somewhere in the 30s) and roll huge damage on the attack.*

DM (Me): *laughing* OK, Jesus, yeah. You fire an arrow straight into the unconscious man’s skull. He is well and truly dead.

The monk’s player returns to the table.

DM (Me): Hey, can I get you to make a perception check real quick.

LG Monk (OOC): (Assuming he’d just missed something) Yeah sure, that’s a uhhh… 16?

DM (Me): Yeah ok, never mind.

LG Monk (OOC): Right, I pick the man up and put him on my shoulder. We can take him somewhere safe to question him.

At this point the rest of the party is trying really hard to keep from laughing. The monk is getting suspicious.

LG Monk (OOC): Actually I’ll try to wake him up here. I give his face a slap.

DM (Me): As you go to slap his face you see the shaft of an arrow protruding from his skull, his face is covered in blood.

LG Monk (OOC): WHAT! (Looks at the people giggling around the table) I SENSE MOTIVE THE PARTY!!!

Everyone rolls terrible Bluff checks.

DM (Me): The rest of the party bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

LG Monk (OOC): GUYS! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!?!?!

OOC everyone actually bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

The next session that player swapped characters. He said playing someone Lawful Good wasn’t a good fit for the party. He was definitely right.