oooh I saw ur request and was like yeh i should do something cool for penny but then my inspiration was viciously murdered so yeah I just decided to do chapter 2 of that one au u mentioned to me about the revenge thing!! hooray for me being lazy and uncreative
aka act my age part 2
“I just…I wanna lick him.”
“Nasty. That’s so nasty, Juvia, god.”
Juvia flipped her hair and made a ‘la-di-da’ expression.
“Not in a weird way, like, I just wanna lick his face. You know?”
“I can’t even describe all the levels of not knowing I’m
going through right now.” Erza answered. She peered through the peepy hole in
her magazine and sighed.
“Oh, shut up. You don’t have any room to talk, Miss
I’m-gonna-spy-on-a-bunch-of-hot-guys-for-research.” Juvia huffed.
Erza blanched and set her magazine down with a smack. “Well
it’s not like you’ve got any better ideas!”
“I do have a better idea.” Juvia said haughtily.
“Let’s hear it then.” Erza pressed.
“Well…there’s a party at his dorm later tonight, right?”
Juvia began. By now Erza had lost her focus and stopped spying.
“So…?” Erza failed to see her conclusion.
“Duh. You hide a mouse trap somewhere in his house – so then
when he least expects it – blammo! His hand gets decapitated!” Juvia
smacked her hand on the table loudly to prove her point.
“A mouse trap?” Erza asked disappointedly. “That’s it?”
“Well, well, well, what do we have here?”
Erza didn’t even conceal her groan. “Natsu, go away.”
Natsu sat down with a pout. Gray sat next to him.
“Don’t you lovely ladies want some company?” He asked while
batting his eyelashes seductively.
“How can I say ‘no’ in a way you’ll understand?” Erza
“Not a chance, come on, what were you guys just talking
about? Boobs? Periods?” Natsu inquired.
“Everything you just said was mildly offensive. I’m
impressed.” Juvia admitted, even though her gaze was fixed on Gray.
“We were talking about revenge, if you really must know.”
Erza informed tightly.
“Revenge? Any particular reasons?” Gray asked, interest
“If she told you, she’d have to kill you.” Juvia joked.
Well, who knows. Maybe she wasn’t joking.
“Of course – standard revenge procedure, we get it,” Natsu
nodded like he wasn’t going to pry any further. “Are you guys going to Jellal’s
dorm tonight to study?”
Erza scoffed. Like any studying was actually going to
“We sure are! We love to…study…” Juvia trailed off
awkwardly, probably losing her train of thought to Gray’s hair, or face, or
whatever she was attracted to.
“Awesome. Bring hot friends.” Natsu said pointedly. “I’m
counting on you guys.”
“For what? Pussy? We’re not a delivery service, do it
yourself.” Erza sniffed.
“Yeah, if you’re that horny, why don’t you just use each
other?” Juvia asked before letting out a happy laugh. She probably wasn’t even joking.
“Gross. Gray’s an STD circus, I don’t want any of that biz.”
Natsu informed. Gray punched his shoulder blade.
“Yeah? Well Natsu can’t even put a tampon in, I doubt he
could take me anyways.”
“You wanna fight?”
“Right here. Right now. Let’s go.”
“Wait, are they doing it, or fighting?” Juvia asked lowly as
the two boys stared at each other heatedly.
“I can confidently say both?” Erza responded. There was
enough passion in their gazes to say they were far past being straight.
“Cool it, we’re not supposed to talk about fight club, you
idiots.” Juvia decided to intervene.
“Yeah Gray, rule number one.” Natsu reminded. Gray kicked
“Hey, totally unrelated question,” Erza began begrudgingly,
hardly able to believe she had sunk to this level of immaturity. “You guys
wouldn’t know where I can buy mouse traps, would you?”
“-and then I was like, why even bother dating Edward, if
that sexy piece of werewolf was right there in front of you? I totally
don’t get this emo bitch Bella, hell, why won’t werewolf hot guys chase me?
Erza stopped short, lamenting not taking a migraine pill and
massaging her temple. “I’m gonna be honest here – I stopped listening a long, long
“Aw, you missed my impromptu Twilight review.”
“-accident, probably.” Juvia interrupted with a cute
little blink. “Right Erza?”
Erza stopped in front of Jellal’s dorm, digging her hand in
her purse gently. “I got the mouse trap, what do I do now?”
Juvia slapped her arm. “What do you mean, ‘what do I do
now’? You hide it in his cereal cabinet, and then when he goes for a little
cap’n crunch he gets his hand chopped off!” Juvia ended her charade with
a karate chop.
“That…I don’t think that’s how mouse traps work-“
“-course it is! Haven’t you ever seen Tom and Jerry,
Erz? Honestly, what would you do without my boundless knowledge?” Juvia asked
rhetorically. Naturally, Erza didn’t give her the pleasure of ending on a good
“In a better place, probably.” She answered her question
before looking down at her outfit. “Ok, I look hot, right? Hot enough to destroy
Jellal where he stands?”
Juvia looked at her sideways, tightening her lips and
sighing. Then she reached forward and tugged her crop top down a little bit.
“Christ Erza, why do you cover them up so much? They’re there,
use them.” Juvia gestured to Erza’s boobs disappointedly. “And you look
so good in black, you’re making me look like a sad petunia.”
Erza scrunched up her face. “Are petunias blue?”
“Shut up.” Juvia seethed. She pushed a small red strand out
of Erza’s face and nodded at her work. “Perfect. If Jellal doesn’t explode from
jealousy, or whatever you had planned, I’ll be absolutely damned.”
“I don’t want him to explode – I just want him to
hate himself for being an asshole to me and missing out on all this.” Erza
corrected, gesturing to her well-endowed body proudly.
“Ah. Self-hatred. And after that, we can steal his identity
and buy a lifetime supply of cat food!” Juvia plotted deviously.
Erza looked at her blankly. “We went over this. We’re not
stealing his identity.”
Juvia pouted. “Can it be plan B?”
“We’re going inside now.” Erza said, knocking on the door
“Ooh, pull up your shorts a bit – let him see that ass – hey,
Jellal!” Juvia halted her sentence midway through with an awkward smile.
“Hey – wow, you guys look…”
Erza smiled. Amazing? Gorgeous? Fantastic? Ha, suck it Jellal,
“-dressed up.” He finished lamely.
Erza felt her spirit droop. That was anticlimactic.
“Yeah, Erza was just on a hot date, so…yeah.” Juvia
said, snapping her fingers like she was a sassy twelve year old.
“Wow. Sorry to interrupt, I guess.” He concluded. “Do you
guys want to come in, or…?”
“Step aside, pretty boy!” Juvia yelled, pushing her palm to
Jellal’s cheek and quite literally forcing him to step aside.
Erza scooted around Jellal. He looked rather awestruck at
Juvia’s forwardness, but shut the door after them anyways.
“Looks like the party’s arrived, come sit by me, flower
child!” Cana wailed from the futon, referring to Juvia’s
short flowery skirt.
“Wow, you guys look great!” Mira admired aloud. All of their
fellow speech kids were cramped up in Jellal’s living room, doing a lot to do
with nothing and nothing to do with studying.
“Thanks,” Erza responded, making the decision to sit next to
“Wow Erza, wow. I thought I told you to bring hot
friends. I’m not seeing any hot friends.” Natsu deadpanned.
“Ouch Natsu, that hurts.” Juvia whined, kicking him in the
head from her spot on the couch next to Cana and Gray.
Erza was sure she was losing her mind being that close to him, but she seemed
to be hiding it quite well.
“You don’t count, blue.” Gray added in, most likely for
“I’m honored to be the exception to Natsu’s wannabe booty
call.” Juvia said to Gray, one hand poised over her heart.
“Did you guys finish yesterday’s homework?” Jellal asked
conversationally, entering with a bucket full of pretzels. Literally, a metal
bucket. Maybe he was out of bowls.
“No way,” Cana answered for the
group. “I’m waiting till midnight
tonight to finish that shit.”
Erza said nothing. The truth was she had finished the
homework. She was a fan of getting a good night’s sleep – as far as that
extended when you share a room with Juvia.
“Writing intros sucks, I never know how to write an
attention-getter, or whatever their called.” Gray said.
“How bout this – you shout the word boobs. Then you’ll have
everyone’s attention.” Juvia offered with a shrug.
“You have a nice dorm, Jellal. Who’s your roommate?”
Mirajane asked. His dorm was remarkably clean, almost like he was there alone.
“Ah, his name is Laxus. He’s pretty cool, but he doesn’t
come here much. He’s kind of a party animal, actually.” Jellal informed.
“Is he hot?” Juvia asked crudely. Cana
high-fived her and waited eagerly for Jellal’ answer.
“I…don’t know how to answer that.” Jellal admitted.
“Do you have any cereal?” Erza interrupted, not really
listening to the conversation at hand.
“Uh…yeah?” Jellal asked, raising his eyebrows in suspicion.
Erza gave him a sharp look.
“Do you…want some?” He asked cautiously.
She nodded, her face a mixture of ‘obviously’ and ‘please
don’t think I’m weird’.
Jellal stood up from his sitting position to go to the
kitchen to fetch her some cereal. Erza, unwilling to bail on her shitty revenge
plot, quickly stood up to follow him.
“So, cereal, huh?” Jellal asked as soon as the rest of the
group began their own conversations. They were alone now.
“Y-yeah. Juvia eats all of mine, so…” Erza covered up.
Jellal looked mildly skeptical, but not to the point where he’d refuse to give
“Alright.” He accepted her excuse. “By the way, you uh…”
She awaited his words with bated breath. For some reason, he
always put her on edge despite his up-front friendly behavior.
“You look nice, is all.” He said, looking down in the slightest
like even he was embarrassed by the declaration.
The second he looked away, Erza broke into a full-fledged
smile. Finally – that idiot was falling right into her trap!
“You ok?” He asked, his hand buried in the cereal cabinet
with a concerned look across his face. Right. She was making a Jared Leto face.
“Yeah, oh yeah. Just remembering this…this thing, Juvia told
me yesterday.” She excused casually, looking at anything but Jellal.
“We have Lucky Charms,” Jellal told he, retrieving the
colorful box from the pantry.
“Awesome,” Erza let out, forgetting how delicious sugary
cereal was. Even though the cereal was merely a stepping stone to her intricate
revenge, it couldn’t hurt to get spoiled a little in the process.
They both headed back to the living room while Erza waited
for the best moment to plant the mouse trap in the cereal cabinet. She just
needed a distraction…
As if she had been telepathically summoned, Juvia stepped up
to bat with the most ideal distraction there was.
“Does anybody have a tampon?” She asked, particularly
“I think I got some,” Cana said,
digging through her purse experimentally.
Erza continued eating the cereal slowly. It was amazing,
just as she had suspected. Stupid spoiled Jellal, probably had oodles of good
food spilling out of the pantry that he refused to share with the rest of them.
“Yo, Erza! Throw me some cereal!” Natsu requested, holding
his hands up pitcher style.
“Eat a dick,” she hissed protectively, wrapping her arms
around the cereal and almost letting out a dragon roar.
“I have more cereal, if you guys want some,” Jellal offered
kindly. There was an uproar of positive feedback and he went back into the
kitchen to get more, foiling her mouse trap plan.
“So guys, FMK, Gosling, Seacrest, Reynolds.” Cana
said. It took Erza a brief second to realize she was referring to three
“Ew, kill Seacrest.” Juvia said with a wrinkled nose.
“Marry Reynolds,” Mira pitched in helpfully.
“FUCK GOSLING.” Natsu said, freakishly loud. It made Erza
question his sexuality on a whole different level.
“I mean, or yeah, whatever.” Natsu added in. Gray was
practically puking his guts out from laughing so hard at Natsu’s confession.
“Ok, we have Froot Loops and Honey Comb.” Jellal presented
the remaining cereal boxes and they were greedily snatched up by the rest o the
group. Erza was slightly intrigued by his generosity, normal kids would be
fighting like rabid hyenas for delicacies such as these yet Jellal seemed to be
feeling rather charitable today. Interesting.
Unfortunately, Jellal took note of her bewildered expression
and decided to take a seat next to her. Of course.
“What’s on your mind?” He asked, obviously referring to her
“You sure like sharing,” she mumbled, shoving a dry marshmallow
into her mouth ungracefully.
“I guess so,” he shrugged it off like it was no big deal.
“Why?” She pried annoyingly. He sure didn’t like to share in
primary school, she could first-hand vouch for that.
“Misery loves company.” He said mysteriously before smiling
slyly like he knew something she didn’t.
She felt hatred course through her veins immediately. How dare
that smarmy idiot look her in the eye like he knew more than she did?
She crunched her cereal rather loudly and plunged one of her
hands inside her purse. It was go time.
“I’m gonna go put this back,” she said, hoping her voice
didn’t crack as she made slight eye contact with Juvia. She grabbed the mouse
trap from inside her purse and scurried back into the kitchen.
She shoved the box back into the cabinet, and then slowly
set the mouse trap and put it in front of the cereal box. There. Now she’d get
her revenge. Sort of.
It was then that Erza realized exactly how many flaws her
plan had. Who was dumb enough to not see a mouse trap in front of a
cereal box? What if his roommate is the one who gets trapped? What if-
“Erza?” Jellal asked, peeking his head into the kitchen.
“A-ha…sorry!” She called, yanking her hand out of the cereal
cabinet and placing it on her hip awkwardly. “Be right there!”
Oh well. She’d just have to hope for the best.
The next day at speech class, both Juvia and Erza were
“You saw it, right?” Juvia asked excitedly, practically
bouncing in her seat.
“Of course I did,” Erza responded. There was a band-aid on
Jellal’s pinky finger. Their plan had worked. Sort of.
“I told you the mouse trap thing would work!” She
“Keep it down! It’ll be embarrassing if he finds out it was
us!” Erza barked, still wary on the idea that she had actually stuck a mouse
trap in someone’s cereal cabinet. It didn’t get much lower than this.
“Oh whatever! Next time, we should steal all of his toilet
paper, than put it back the next day, and keep doing that for like, ever,
and then he’ll think he’s going insane-“
“What’s the story, morning glory?” Natsu interrupted Juvia’s
brilliant insight with a yawn, smacking his stuff down on the table.
“Shut up, we’re watching.” Juvia said, pointing
Natsu’s head to Jellal who was talking to Gray.
“What? What are we watching? Do you still hate Jellal, or
whatever?” Natsu asked boredly.
“Yes, now shut up and watch.” Erza grabbed his mouth
and closed it.
“Hey guys,” Jellal greeted before taking his seat behind
“That was…anticlimactic…” Juvia whispered.
“Well, what were you expecting?” Natsu whispered back.
“Perhaps a moan of pain?” Erza put in.
“Yeah, that would’ve been good.” Juvia said. “I should
probably get back to my seat – I’ll catch you after, Erz.”
“Ok.” Erza grumbled, barely interested. She couldn’t shake
the feeling that maybe she just wasn’t cut out for revenge.
“Hey Erza, can I talk to you for a sec?” Jellal asked
suddenly, breaking the tension with ease.
“Somebody’s in trouble~~” Natsu sang softly. Erza punched
his shoulder and begrudgingly stood up to follow Jellal.
“So,” Jellal began, once they were out of earshot. “I have a
question for you.”
“Uh…fire away.” Erza said, wondering what he could possibly
ask of her.
“Did you, uh…” he scratched the back of his head anxiously, “leave
a mouse trap in my cereal cabinet?”
Erza stared blankly at him. She hoped her expression didn’t
seem guilty, because on the inside, her conscience was in flames. How the hell
did he know it was her? Well…besides the fact that she was the only
one that went in the kitchen…hm…she really didn’t think this through, did she?
“W-why would you think that?” She laughed, sharing his
awkward neck scratching trait and smiling creepily.
“Well, it seems kinda dumb, but…” he paused for a second to
evaluate her expression. “I found your receipt.”
No way, she cursed herself, I put it in my pocket…god
damn it! Fuck girl pants and their pocket-lessness!!
“So, I figured it would make you feel better if I was hurt.”
He added, holding up his bandaged pinky finger. Her eyes narrowed. What did he
mean by that?
“I…uh…” she continued to fumble around her words like a
His face fell at her lack of response.
“So, I guess what I’m trying to say is – why?”
Her mouth opened and shut like a dying goldfish.
“I…saw…a rat? In your dorm…thought I could…take care of it…”
Jellal shook his head, like he was disappointed in her.
“In that case,” he said, peeling off the tiny band-aid with
ease, revealing a fully healthy pinky.
Bastard! He had pretended to get mouse-trapped! What
He watched her remorseful expression and laughed. “That’s
what I thought.”
“I…don’t think I-“
“Erza, if you’re trying to do some petty revenge scheme for
all the shit I threw at you in primary school, then have at it.” He
said, surprising her by holding his arms in the air like he was surrendering. “…but
I expected more than this from you, Erza.”
At this point Erza was fairly sure she looked like the
entire audience during the Empire Strikes Back, only this time, it wasn’t her
father who was trying to recruit her to the dark side.
“You…want me to…”
He smiled briefly, looking impressively sexy and Erza cursed
every god out there for making her mortal enemy as attractive as sin.
“Impress me.” He said, before walking back to his table like
nothing had happened.
Erza stared at the whiteboard, at a complete loss for words.
Huh. So this is what it felt like to be check-mated. And if there was one thing
she hated, it was losing. And chess in general. And Jellal, and his stupid,
He may have won that turn, but it was her move next – and she’d
be damned if she didn’t win this game.