[fic] 'cause he looks like a riot
leo/guanghong for the @yoirarepairmonthly “pranks” prompt
leo eggs the wrong house, is a wronged boyfriend, and kind of maybe meets the right person.
It explodes upon contact with the roof into a shower of calcium shards and avian menstrual fluid. As the liquid oozes down the tiles, Leo feels a rush of sympathy towards the foetal salmonella - like such an egg, he suffers from the consequences of inefficient sperm ejaculation (the fact that he is not in possession of a sperm ejaculator not withstanding). His heart has been broken, shattered pieces of calcium tossed to the wind, whirling down to the sidewalk, possibly getting into someone’s eye and giving them conjunctivitis for which insurance will not be provided.
He glances down at the carton in his hands. Phichit’s dare was to egg Leroy’s house until he finished the entire carton - freshly bought along with duct tape, diapers, lube and a pack of condoms by Phichit, just as Seunggil had dared him (Leo suspects at least two of them will serve further function…he doesn’t want to guess which).
He picks up another egg, swings his arm back, and hurls it towards the wall. He throws one at the window. His fingers are closing around the next one when the door slams open to reveal a woman - dark-hair, pleasant-faced and wearing a crisp, freshly-ironed police uniform.
“Excuse me, what the hell are you doing?” she shouts in a way that makes Leo wish he’d taken the diapers along.