oh we totally do

oiralinsanity  asked:

Hey, of all the Papyruses, which one would you marry (Classic, Tale From Ebott Forest, Fell, Swap, FellSwap, SwapFell, Vampyrus, Tomb, Etc.)?

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(Forgive me for this terrible shitpost, also there’s a period between each picture so this shows up properly on mobile)

Tech Support - Stuart Twombly

Author: @mf-despair-queen

Characters: Stuart Twombly/Reader

Word Count: 4619

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Skype Sex, Masturbation, Oral (Female Receiving)

Notes: Shhh. I told @rememberstilinski and @ninja-stiles I would write them some Stuart stuff. Because Stuart is a babe and I couldn’t stop starting at him while I wrote other things. I guess Stuart is slowly beating out Stiles as my favorite since I write more for Stuart than anyone else? 

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anonymous asked:

wait, what's the difference between Cassian's real age and the age they say he is?

I’m assuming this is in response to my tags about the amazing @notbecauseofvictories thing I reblogged about Cassian and Mon Mothma, because I vaguely remember typing something like that, but it might not have been; regardless, if anyone reading this diatribe hasn’t read it, they should go do that. 

Diego Luna is 36. 37 now. Born in 1979, just like me. Look at him, look at his face as he plays Cassian; he has creases around his eyes and the bones of his face are sharp in a way they weren’t when Diego Luna was in his mid-20s. He’s beautiful, he’s not young, he’s weathered and sharp and his life is engraved on his face. He’s not old, but he’s not young. I can’t find the still I want: it’s when Jyn has the blaster and he tells her to give it to him, and she slyly says “Trust goes both ways” and he stares at her for a moment. Every minute he has lived shows in his face in that shot, every moment of pure agonizing bullshit he has ever weathered is just right there to see, and it’s fucking amazing. It’s like a half-second acting clinic in Having A Face While Being In Your Late Thirties And Having Seen Some Shit. It’s absolutely what I wish I could do with my face. (I can’t. I have zits and wrinkles at the same time. No one takes me seriously, I get carded for booze, and I’m also old enough to be invisible. it’s amazing.) I can’t find it, so have this still instead. 

According to Wookieepedia and various promotional materials, Cassian Andor is 26.

It’s not… impossible… for a man of 26 to look like that but… why… 

I’ve just done the Extra™ thing and looked up what Diego looked like when he was 26.

As someone of Diego’s actual age, I feel like that matters. I understand, Cassian would lead a more weathering life than Diego presumably has (I actually don’t really know his RL business but I’m assuming it involved a lot less murder and espionage, and I’m super sorry if that’s an incorrect assumption, but come on Diego is a human sunshine muffin I’m not drawing this out of thin air here).

He’s still not a baby in this photo, of course. He has lines around his eyes, a little bit. Probably if he were frowning his forehead would have some of that crease in it that Cassian has in every frame (because he is frowning in every frame, but, you know). But his cheekbones are still smoothly hidden under softness, there are no hollows above his jaw, he’s soft and smooth and pretty and it doesn’t take anything away, he just doesn’t have as many lived moments in his face to turn wearily on Jyn and visibly decide that he just has no fucks left to give over whether she shoots him or not.

Anyway! A bunch of us writer types were sort of just assuming that Cassian was played by an actor about his age, and have constructed headcanons accordingly, and they are way more interesting headcanons I think than him being a murder baby! It’s the sort of thing, I admit, that at 26 I would have been like “what does it matter” but now that I am 37 I am like “no it matters a bunch, honey”. 

ALSO FELICITY JONES is 33 and I was SO EXCITED that they had a heroine over 30 but NO, Jyn is supposed to be like 20 or whatever, WTF. WTF! WTF! Ugh. COME ON, LET WOMEN AGE. It’s bad enough the only women in star wars have to be under five-three and brunette with large eyes and wide mouths but now they also have to be under 30 whether or not their actress is. (CARRIE FISHER WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME.)

Obviously the casting people weren’t really thinking “not every adventure has to happen to Very Young Adults” which is what I was so excited about, they were thinking “These Hot Young People Should Be Played By Hot Slightly-Older People Because Adventure Makes You Look Slightly Older Than You Are”, which is bullshit

[Tony and Steve hug at the bottom of the elevator after a long talk]

Steve: Let’s promise to never not talk again. 

Tony: I promise, I promise. 

[Bucky touches ground between them. Both men hug him]

Tony: Barnes! 

Steve: Oh, wonderful Buck! 

Tony: You know we love you, right? 

Steve: We totally do. 

Bucky: Oh, God. We’re gonna die, aren’t we? 

The Happy Little Curse

Terry had always had trouble finding dates. He couldn’t tell why that was; he thought he was decent-looking, nice, and he wasn’t on anybody’s bad side. Also, for whatever reason, every girl he went on a date with never wanted to take things beyond a nice dinner or a one-night stand. Right now, he had a crush on his co-worker Sarah. He hoped that a real relationship could spawn between them. He walked up to her right after their shifts were over.

“Hey, um, Sarah,” Terry said nervously, “do you want to, uh… Go on a date sometime?” 

Sarah looked up at him with the warm, pale blue eyes that Terry loved so much. “Yeah, sure!” Sarah said sunnily. “I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“Great! So… How about I pick you up at 7:30 on Saturday?”

“That’ll work!”

Terry drove Sarah and himself to Niccolo’s, the best restaurant in town. After some great food and nervous flirting, Terry goes to the men’s room to boost his self-confidence so he won’t trip up and ruin everything.

“Alright, Terry, you’re cool, she’s cool, you can do this,” Terry pops a mint from his pocket into his mouth and proceeds to head toward the door, but Sarah walks in before he can leave. 

“Terry… I’ve been getting so lonely out there without you,” Sarah says seductively, “so I thought I’d come in here for a little alone time.” Sarah locks the bathroom door.

“Sarah, you seem a little different,” Terry said with fear in his voice. “You didn’t drink too much, did you?”

Sarah doesn’t give an answer and continues walking up to him. She presses her chest against his and brushes her leg on his side as she goes in for a kiss. Terry’s eyes become wide with surprise. Sarah’s eyes open as she pulls back from the kiss and Terry notices that her eyes have become a bright green.

“D-do your eyes change color?” Terry asks.

Sarah takes a step back and furrows her brow. “Confuto!” She screams. Terry freezes in place against the wall.

“There’s no real point in hiding anything from you now,” Sarah says maliciously, “considering that you won’t remember this in a couple minutes. I am not Sarah; I am Claire, a witch’s ghost. I possessed Sarah a few months ago after she summoned me while trying to contact her dead aunt. She still doesn’t know that I’ve possessed her, but that’s not important for right now.”

Claire pulls a gold locket from her cleavage and opens it up to reveal a blue gem inside. She spouts an incantation: “Veneriis Lascivum Stultum!” A pink light begins to envelop Terry.

Terry, still unable to move, feels his bones and organs contort as he shrinks about 7 inches, going from a respectable 5′11″ to a petite 5′4″. In fact, just about everything becomes smaller: his face, his nose, his arms, his stomach, and, most surprisingly, his penis and testicles. They shrink more than his other body parts, retracting into his body. Then, in their place, a new moist vagina appears, and his male sex organs morph into female sex organs. 

No! Why is she turning me into a woman?!? Terry thinks, unable to speak. His, or more appropriately, her body and face hair soon removes itself from her body, leaving her skin as smooth as can be. Her eyebrows thin out and her lashes grow into large, fake ones. Her hands shrink and the nails grow out with white nail polish already applied. Her short brown hair darkens and grows out into a shoulder-length black mane. For her final physical change, her chest bursts out into what seems like G-cup breasts. Her black suit then changes into a skimpy white dress, her dress shoes become 4-inch beige heels, and her underwear turns into a pair of frilly pink panties. The pink light starts to dissipate as she starts to regain mobility. She focuses her gaze at Claire in rage.

“You bitch! I’ll… I’ll…” Terry, or rather, Terra shouts as her mind begins to slip. Terry’s life is hidden away in her brain, and the life of Terra the nympho bimbo takes center-stage. “I’ll… Um… Like, what were we talking about?”

“We were just talking about how we’re gonna go to the club and meet some guys,” Claire replies with a wicked smile.

“Oh yeah,” Terra says giddily, “we should, like, totally do that! Oh, but first, I, like, totally have to put my makeup on.”

Terra wakes up the next morning in the bed of the guy she just slept with. She thinks his name is Chad… Or was it Connor? Whatever. She just knows he had, like, a HUGE cock and they had totally awesome sex last night! Terra cups her breasts.

“Mmm… I, like, love my boobies.” Terra moans, her mind wandering into space. “Ooh! I should totally go see Claire and tell her about last night! *Giggle* It was, like, the best sex I’ve ever had! She’ll totally love hearing about it! But first… *Giggle*” Terra pulls down her panties and puts her left hand on her vagina, rubbing it as she thinks about Chris’s giant cock.

Outside the room, Claire can hear Terra giggling like the girly slut she is as she masturbates. Claire lets out a chuckle.

“Six down, nine to go,” Claire says as she leaves the man’s apartment.

The End… For Now…

Fated

Part 1/?

Jim Kirk x reader AOS

Summary: Jim helps you out of a sticky situation at a bar and you are both intrigued by each other, but you like to play hard to get. Will you two see each other again after this wonderful night?

Warnings: kissing in this one, I love me some smut so there will be some in later chapters. Not sure how long this will be as I’m writing as it comes to me.

Words: 1,274

Originally posted by fanfic-shiz

HOT DAMN THOSE EYES!!!

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whenever someone asks me something irl and i don’t immediately have the answer, i reply by softly saying ‘interesting,’ and furrowing my brows, thus tricking the other person into thinking i’m very wise

‘It’s Always Sunny’: Charlie Day goes behind the scenes of season 12

The gang just lost a member: In It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia‘s 12th season finale, Dennis claims he’s had enough of everyone and is off to raise his young son in North Dakota, where he’s been living a double life.

“The bar is done,” he says as he turns off the lights at Paddy’s Pub. With that, he’s gone — for now.

“It opens up a lot of options for us,” Charlie Day, who created the FXX series with costars Glenn Howerton and Rob McElhenney, teases to EW. As does his own character’s story line with the Waitress (Mary Elizabeth Ellis), who Charlie has unprotected sex with after years of pining. While Day won’t reveal whether the Waitress is pregnant, he will talk about his lack of confidence in Charlie’s parenting skills.

“He would be a mess of a dad,” he laughs. “But he could certainly teach you a lot about how to cook strange foods and where to forage for the most coins.”

Between these developments and a few others from the season, some would say the gang is growing up. That’s far from true, though. “There’s just something about these people that is so hardwired that I can’t imagine them ever actually growing up,” Day says. “Look at Frank Reynolds. I mean, if that’s your father figure, then how are you ever expected to grow up?”

He’s got a point — plus, the characters’ inability to mature is part of what keeps fans coming back to the show over a decade in. “It’s really amazing to have some kid come up to me and say, ‘Hey, I started watching your show when I was 7 or 8 years old,‘” Day says. “It brings me so much joy. And I couldn’t be more proud of the show.”

Here, Day takes us through the biggest and best moments from the season — the finale and risky season premiere included.

The gang tries out a different race for a day in “The Gang Turns Black”

Day knew they were taking a big risk when they opened the season with an episode — a musical one, no less — where the white main characters wake up as black versions of themselves (played by black actors). The half-hour sees the fivesome experiencing life as a different race, and ends with Charlie, who turns into a young black boy, getting shot by a police officer.

“It’s a tragic moment in the episode, and then it’s even more tragic that the characters don’t learn their lesson at the end,” Day explains, “which is the frustration of society, that we keep repeating these mistakes and we don’t seem to be able to figure out how to learn our lessons.”

“I’m always proud of an episode where we’re able to say something that’s a little bit difficult to say, to have some humor, but to also have some point of view,” he continues. “In such a politically charged time in our country, I’m glad that we’re still able to have a show where we’re able to take a look at issues and point our fingers at injustices and that people get it — not everyone gets it, but I’m happy when they do.”

Sunny becomes a murder doc in “Making Dennis Reynolds a Murderer”

Mac and Charlie compare murder documentaries to chips in this episode, which parodies both Netflix’s Making a Murderer and HBO’s The Jinx by investigating whether Dennis killed Maureen (Catherine Reitman). “You want more chips,” Charlie says, referring to feeling unsatisfied even after finishing a bag of Lays. “Murder is chips!”

They outlined the episode around this same time last year, right when Making a Murderer was at the height of its popularity after a December 2015 release. And although Day sometimes watches those kinds of movies and television, he said they wanted the episode to call out the weirdness of it. “We’re basically saying, we’re so obsessed in our culture with murder and violence that there’s a macabre okayness with all this,” he explains. “We’re making episodic entertainment out of the fact that someone’s been murdered, and there’s sort of no sensitivity to the family of the victims sometimes with these documentaries. I’m the same as everyone — I will get sucked up in them. But it’s a crazy thing in this society that we’re into.”

Mac comes out in “Hero or Hate Crime?”

The gang has been calling Mac gay for years, and he officially came out in this episode, where Frank saves his life by shouting “Look out, f—-t!” right before he’s almost crushed by a piano. Frank immediately deems himself a hero, while everyone maintains he’s a villain for using a slur — no matter the outcome. They all go on to have a conversation — with a lawyer present — about whether Frank committed a hate crime and who’s entitled to the lottery card Mac was picking up as the piano was falling. In the process, Mac explicitly says, “I’ve been gay forever, everybody knows it. I’m out!”

This reveal came to be after Mac briefly came out last season and then quickly went back on it. “I think there was a bit of fan disappointment with that,” Day admits. “There was a little social responsibility to say, hey, we’ve dragged on this joke of this guy being in the closet, and perhaps it does better societal good to actually have him come out. There was an awareness that it sends a better message to the world — for the people who pick up on the fact that 99 percent of our show is satire.”

Dee, Charlie, Frank, and Dennis tell Mac he’s gay, and then bring out a fitness bicycle to prove it. Not just any fitness bicycle, though: This one has a dildo topped with a fist attached so that each time the biker pedals, he also gets a nice, well… let’s just say Mac calls it the Ass Pounder 4000.

“There was a story going around about a man in Ireland or Scotland, I believe, who was found dead on one of those,” Day laughs. “And we were having a lot of conversations about it. And we didn’t want to say something horrible like, ‘This is what all gay people are doing,’ but we thought, ‘This is what the crazy, insane Ronald ‘Mac’ McDonald is doing.'”

Cricket finds puppy love in “A Cricket’s Tale”

Cricket (played by David Hornsby, who wrote this episode and also co-produces the series) has his moment in this episode — it just doesn’t last too long: He falls in love with a woman and then realizes the woman is actually a golden retriever (don’t smoke PCP, kids!). And he realizes this after making out with her. “We thought it was time to give Cricket an episode, and we were breaking the story where he fell in love and the story wasn’t quite working,” Day recalls. “We couldn’t put our finger on why it wasn’t working, and I kind of half-jokingly, half-serious — I believe it was me — said, ‘What if she’s just a dog this whole time?'”

After initially thinking “we can’t do that,” they realized that, oh yeah, they could totally do that. All Hornsby had to do was pick out his canine kissing partner. “If he was going to have to make out with a dog, the golden retriever was the least offensive one,” Day laughs.

Dennis ditches Paddy’s Pub in “Dennis’ Double Life”

Out of all the main characters, it was Dennis who’s been living a double life. So why him? “There’s usually so much mystery with Dennis and what’s going on with him and we allude at times to sort of a psychotic other life that he has,” Day explains. “There was something interesting about giving him a moral Sophie’s choice.”

At firsts, he goes the predictable route, trying multiple times to get out of parenting — he pretends to be in a partnership with Mac and then acts like he’s been shot dead. Then after saying goodbye to his son and her mom, he has a change of heart watching the gang dance it out in the bar. “I think you could point to several choices or reasons over the history of the whole show that might lead him to making this choice,” Day says.

Then there’s Charlie’s long-awaited hookup with the Waitress, which Day says they made happen simply because they “decided it was time.” “It was time for something to give. For it to either end or to work — or for at least sex to happen,” he adds with a laugh.

shuffles in

okay i’m saying this up front: i’m gonna be real selective about this cause i want the place to be… relatively calm, but i’ve got a nice casual rp server and i’d like to possibly add some more people in. interactions are currently primarily based on an online groupchat on an alolan server, meetups happen a lot though, ain’t all just online! drop a like if you’d be interested (but like i said i’m gonna be pretty picky about it, also keep in mind that while muses from Anywhere are allowed the server is alolan, so for in-person meetup convenience you may wanna have your muse be in alola)

A Newcomer? Villainous x Reader

A/N: I’ll start posting each day once I get that WONDERFUL drawing tablet! It’s around the corner! Don’t worry. But today I was sitting at my laptop and thought: “How would the Black Hat Inc. members react to a newcomer to the business? These are just some headcanons, but if this takes off I just might think about creating an x reader fic for it..? Probably not on tumblr, but maybe Wattpad. Anyway, ENJOY! Toodles!

Black Hat:

- He was probably the one who ordered you to join the company anyway (which most likely means he liked you enough in SOME way to bring you on the team).

- He will be the one to show you around, and introduce you to all his evil memorabilia. And of course, he’s going to show you, and take credit for all the glorious evil inventions (in which Dr. Flug created).

- Hm, we must find you something more EVIL asap! (Clothing. He’s gonna want you to look like Dracula goddamnit!)

- Show me how evil you can be.. NOW GET TO WORK!

Dr. Flug:

- He will most definitely show you the lab, and introduce you to all the equipment! (also to show you the chemicals you can and cannot touch)

- He’s so happy to have you here!! It’s someone to talk to that’s not a bear, a psycho, or his boss.

- He’s gonna make sure to inform you on everything you need to know about everyone (especially the boss) because he only hopes for the best for you!

5.0.5:

- Someone new? Wow! You look nice! Lots of hugs and comforting.

- Hey wanna bake some cupcakes together? I sure do!

- 5.0.5 is gonna do their best to make sure you feel comfortable in your new home! If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, look no further. 5.0.5 is always open for cuddles.

Demencia:

- Demencia is going to literally attack you with questions. She’s so curious as to who you are!

- Come check out my SICK setup! Oh, by the way, do you play any instruments? WE COULD TOTALLY BE A BAND!!

- She’s probably gonna want to play something on her guitar for you, I mean c'mon.

- She’s so full of energy and curiosity, she’s probably gonna bug you until Black Hat comes along and takes you away for something important.

the signs at a sleepover
  • aries: "let's go outside and throw eggs at people's houses."
  • taurus: "can we eat first?"
  • gemini: "oh my god aries. we should totally do that."
  • cancer: "can we just watch a scary movie or something?"
  • leo: "SELFIEEE!"
  • virgo: "oh my god, leo. stop with your fucking selfies. i agree with cancer though. let's watch a movie."
  • libra: "shut up, virgo. SELFIE!"
  • scorpio: "anyone wanna have sex with me?"
  • sagittarius: ";)"
  • capricorn: "y'all nasty."
  • aquarius: "can y'all shut up i'M TRYNA SLEEP oVeR HERE."
  • pisces: *is sleeping*

yes hello I came out on facebook & have been trying to distract myself since because I’m nervous that my grandparents/aunts & uncles will hate me :~)

5

:33 < it’s defurnately on my to-do list!!!