oh walrus

Jealous Gods, jealous thoughts

First off, Jealous Gods is a movie by @facts-i-just-made-up (or Ari Bach for short) about college students that get super powers from a strange man in a cave.

Watch it here.

So, I’m still just dipping my toes in reviewing, but I want to tackle this from three points - the movie as art, and the art as a part of Ari’s world.

@jealous-gods-movie​ if I don’t do a good job, I hope you’ll at least enjoy this as much as I enjoyed the movie.

1.) Of actors and cameras

Admittedly, the first two segments will be somewhat short.

Simply said, I liked the movie.

More specifically, though.

I absolutely adored the opening, what with the music and the old man in a cave. The actors were also very good, the main cast anyways, if a little stiff in their movement sometimes. Not as stiff as the camera was, but there were complains about that already.

I LOVED the visual gags, like when Clarke fistbumps and Don high fives, or when Clarke uses the fake ID and it has “fakeid.com” printed on it, or that knowing look from Bridge.

The effects are lackluster, obviously, but nonetheless pretty fun.

The dialog is really well written, as expected of the author, of course. There are some bad lines (I’m looking at you, stale Twilight meme), but generally it’s just really good.

2.) A god, a Geki, and a timeline walk into a bar…

Ok we’re getting into full spoiler mode now, I’m sorry it’s past 3 am I cannot talk about this without spoilers.

I have prepared notes here! There are some things to discuss both in-movie and in-universe.

The way the powers or rather the dealing with powers is portrayed is really good. Clarke realising immortality is not that good, Don turning evil because hey he can control people now, Bridge’s omniscience making her really boring to talk to.

I have really jumbled thoughts in my head, so let’s just go character by character, and stuff tied to them.

Clarke. Now, we know that Ari’s stories are all in the same timeline. And he is very obviously going to be the main character of the last story, The Lonely God. It’s just really interesting to think that he was there through the whole Ragnarok thing… Wonder where he was. Wonder what the fuck he did that made Bridge do that to him.

Quail. Oh, what love makes us do. I have to say, I think the whole thing with his relationship with Bridge, and Don abusing her, was kinda clunky? I can’t really put my finger on it, unfortunately… However, I do find the whole romance between them sweet, in a way.

Don. Man, he started out as a total fucking dick. And then was ok. And then ended as a total fucking dick. What he did to poor Jan. Wow. And then Bridge. Woah. At least the happy beams were a good idea. Plus, he did want to stop the Geki murders. In a way, he was the good guy…

Lucky. That is a very intruiging character. The way Bridge talks about him, I don’t think it’s coincidental. I am very much convinced the idea is that he has programmed the world, or is a programmer of it. Whether it’s a simulation or something like that.
Bridge knows that, and she knows that she’s in a damn story. That’s a funny thing I don’t see get used with omniscience enough. The character realizing she’s in a story. She’s just a character, played by an actor. I absolutely love that.
One thought - may it be that Lucky is the Author himself?

Bridget. Oh, sweet, sweet knowing Bridget. Bridge knows. Oh, she knows. She knows many things.
She knew how it’ll end. She said that, that things will end how she wants them to end. And she was right, of course. Ari himself said she manipulated everyone, to reach her goals. She outright lied, to Quail about not loving him, to Don about what he’ll do to her.
Well, let us focus on some other things she said though, because here we connect to the Bach universum.

So there are multiple gods, but no one God. Did she mean them, people with powers? There is no devil /yet/. So there will be. Once again, I wonder if it is a character we’ve met in some other stories? I should rewatch that bit about cetaceans.

It’s interesting to note, humanity doesn’t survive what happened in Ragnarok. “The things humans have made of themselves”, paraphrasing here, doesn’t sound exactly like wavebombs to me, though. Unspeakable Darkness? New evolutional step, maybe it was wavebombs after all…

Also interestingly, this movie happens at the same time the Geki go on a rampage!

I suppose the movie very much packs the right punch if you’ve already read the Valhalla trilogy.

I’m definetly gonna watch this movie again, which is so damn rare with me.

Well and this was a jumbled mess of thoughts. I’m sorry I do this to you.

If you’re into that kind of stuff, here are some notes I took while watching the movie! May be entertaining.

Have a nice day.

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Several elderly men sat huddled around a fire.
“I hope he’s right about the stair of light,” said Boy Willie. “We’re going to look real muffins if it isn’t there.”
“He was right about the giant walrus,” said Truckle the Uncivil.
“Remember when we were crossing the ice? When he shouted, ‘Look out! We’re going to be attacked by a giant walrus!’”
“Oh, yeah.”

– on having faith in the leader | Terry Pratchett, The Last Hero

territorialbitch  asked:

hc where tom, when drunk, is LITERALLY the king of dares. he will do ANYTHING. lick tord? okay. kiss a frog? sure, why not. (he's not allowed at the zoo anymore because last time he got drunk and went to the zoo he ended up getting in a fist-fight with a walrus.)

Tom oh my gOd

This is hilarious.

My roommate and I applied for the same grant/internship and she didn’t get it but I did

and I told her I have an internship but I just can’t bring myself to tell her which one it is.

because there’s absolutely no reason I should have this and she shouldn’t

and maybe the only reason I got it was because I was interested in doing writing instead of research and there can’t be that many applicants who go into a NASA-funded internship saying they want to be a journalist?

He Finds Out You’re Extremely Ticklish || 5SOS 4/4 Imagine *Requested*


All day Michael and I have been on the couch watching a Netflix B-Movie marathon. It was kind of a little tradition we had on the third Saturday of every month and it was honestly my favorite Saturday. During Sharknado 2: The Second One, I could hear his stomach growling.

“Babe, why don’t you just go get something from the kitchen?”

“Well, I don’t want to miss the movie.”

“Um Michael, that’s why pause was invented, for situations like this one,” I said with a small laugh. I love this kid, but he had his “special moments” from time to time. 

“You know what Y/N, shut up,” he said with a laugh. He put one hand on the arm of the couch and the other on my thigh to help push himself stand up. What I wasn’t expecting was for him to squeeze my thigh in the process.

I let out this huge laugh that made him stop and look at me.

“What was that?” he asked chuckling.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, playing dumb.

“You’re ticklish! You’ve been telling me that you aren’t, but you are!” He looked as if he had just won the lottery.  

“Okay, so? I don’t like being tickled, so I told you I wasn’t ticklish.”

“Too bad! Now you get extra tickles for lying!”

“You touch me you die!”

“I’ll take that risk.” The rest of the day was spent with him trying to tickle me and me running away. Even though he now knows I’m ticklish, this was the best B-Movie marathon day ever.


Today the boys were staring to record new music and they would be in the studio all day. Since they would be leaving for the NA part of tour soon, Ashton invited me today so we could spend as much time together as possible.

They were taking a break from work and we were all sitting and messing around. I decided to be that girlfriend and sit on his lap instead of a perfectly good, empty chair. 

“Ew,” Michael said with a grossed out face.

“Aww, finally realizing you’re his side hoe?” I shot back playfully. We all just laughed and continued lazying around. 

After about two beers and a soda, Calum got up to use the bathroom.

“Dude, how do hold it like a camel? Teach me your ways!”

“Haha, it’s a dude thing,” he told me.

“Well not this dude,” Ashton said. He put his hands on my sides and gently squeezed, signaling me to get up. 

I let out a giggle and did a little body shimmy because he squeezed right where I was ticklish.

“I didn’t know you were ticklish.”

“Yea, kinda something I wanted to keep under wraps,” I told him.

“Don’t, it’s adorable.” 


All day I had been bored out of my mind. While I was scrolling through my Tumblr feed, I looked at the time and saw that it was almost 6:15. Calum still wasn’t home from the studio, so I decided to call him.



“Hey Baby. How are you?”

“Good. Tired, but good. Michael wants to change a riff in She’s Kinda Hot for our first show, so Luke and I have been working on something that can match his new riff, but also keep the beat with Ashton.”

“Sounds like it’s going to be interesting. Do you know what time you’ll be home?”

“Uhhh, hopefully within the next hour. Why, what’s up?”

“Oh nothing, I was calling to see what time you’d be home and if you wanted spaghetti or something else for dinner.”

“No Babe, spaghetti is fine! Alright, well let me get back to work so I can come home. I love you.”

“Alright, I love you too, Calum. Bye.”

“Bye Babe.”

*45 Minutes Later*

“Work, work, work, work, work, work. He say me have to, Work, work, work, work, work, work! He see me do me Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt!  So me put in Work, work, work, work, work, work! When you all got’? Learn, learn, learn, learn, learn! Me no care if him Hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurting,” I sang really loud with the blaring radio. I was turned to the marinara sauce on the stove, with my back turned to the door. So not only did I not hear Calum come in, I also didn’t see him. 

I was busy with other things that the only reason i knew he was home was because he starting singing in my ear. 

I laughed, but also screamed because he scared the shit out of me.

“Oh my gosh, Babe!”

“Haha! Did I scare you?” he said while smiling.

“Yes! And tickled me!”

“I didn’t know you were ticklish there.”

“Well now you know,” I said as he tried to tickle me again.

“Stop it! Haha, I have to finish this.”

“Fine, I’ll tickle you later. Smells great by the way.”

“Thanks, Buttface. It’s ready, so wash up.”

“Aye Aye, Capitan!” he said as he tickled me one last time before running off to wash up for dinner.


“But what if they don’t like me?”

“Y/N, you’ve already won my parents over and if they love you, then so will Jack and Ben. I promise.” He reached over the gear shift to hold my hand in reassurance. 

The fact that it’s Liz’s birthday means I get to meet a lot more of Luke’s family, which made me nervous. Not only are his brothers going to be there, but also Jack’s girlfriend and Luke’s little cousins. I’m great with kids, but I’m still awkward as hell.

“We’re here.”

“Is it too late to say I got hit by a bus and couldn’t make it?

“HAHA! Babe, all will be fine. They’re going to love you and plus, Zoe can’t wait to meet you.”

“Okay, but please hold my hand and if I say I’m going to the bathroom, it’s probably to throw up.”

“Noted. Let’s go.”

He took my hand and we walked up to the front door. Luke didn’t even bother ringing the doorbell and just walked right in. 


We both turned around and looked down to see this precious little girl running up to Luke.

“Hey Zoe. Wow you’ve gotten big! How are you?” he asked picking her up. 

“Good! I want to go swimming though.”

“Alright, we’ll swim in a little bit, yeah?”

“Okay! Is that her?”

“Oh yeah! Zoe, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is my cousin Zoe.”

“Hi Zoe! I like your dress.”

“Thank you. You’re girlfriend is pretty.” I couldn’t help but blush when she told Luke that.

“I know right.” He put her down and introduced me to the rest of his family. He was right, everything was going great! I was sitting on the couch talking talking to Celeste while Luke was on the floor playing with Molly and Lenny, when all of a sudden,

“TICKLE FIGHT!!” All I see are two little kids jumping on Luke and tickling him before he grabs one of them and does the same. 

“Go tickle Y/N and Celeste!” With that Celeste and I are being tackled and tickled. Luke didn’t know I was ticklish until I let out this laugh that sounded like a dying walrus.

“HAHAHA! Oh my god! Y/N, are you that ticklish?!” Luke asked as he was dying of laughter on the floor.


“Alright guys! Come eat!” Liz yelled from the dining room. We all got up and started to walk to the table.

“I’m gonna tickle you when we get back home, but remind me to record it so I can put your laugh as my ringtone.”

Game on, Hemmings.

Some quotes for ENTPs to live their life by

“Because it’s there” -George Mallory (on why he wanted to climb Mt. Everest)
“Let the fuckers figure that one out” -John Lennon (after finishing writing the song I am the Walrus)
“Oh my, feels just like I don’t try, looks so good I might die, all I know is everybody loves me” -Onerepublic

(Very Purely Hypothetical)

Jily Week 2 Day 3: Letters (or notes) or Pop Culture

James, Lily Evans wrote in her spiral-bound, muggle, charmed-to-the-teeth notebook. Are you there? Merlin I hope so. I charmed this instant reply thing for a reason, you know! Your girlfriend wants you at her beck and call. I can practically hear Sirius groaning from here as you hurry to find a quill and reply to me.

Yeah, Lil, I’m here, and you’re right, Sirius is groaning. How’s Cokeworth?

Driving me mad. I’m going to murder someone shortly. Don’t let the Ministry get hold of this, I don’t much fancy a stay in Azkaban, alright?

You’ll be fine, Lily! Remember what we talked about? Mumble nonsense words around him, keep your wand on you and twitch it at random, the walrus will be right terrified of you. And the Easter hols are only two weeks. You can do it!

It’s not even the walrus! Him I was prepared for. But there are multiple Dursleys here, he brought the whole bloody… what is the collective for walruses? Pod? Herd? Wait, I’m going to look it up, there’s a dictionary around here somewhere.

I asked the others, Sirius said that it’s ‘an ugly of walruses.’ Not sure I want to know how he has that information at the drop of a hat. Still, it’s fitting, right?



You actually went to look it up, didn’t you.

You’re on holiday, you headcase, and you’re still studying.

It’s not studying it’s… I don’t know. Shush. I like Sirius’ dictionary better, mine just said ‘a herd.’

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jilysnotdead  asked:

"We’ve been celebrating our wedding anniversary on the wrong day for the past nine years AU"-- did u mean canon jily? eleven yr old harry's like "mum!! appa!! when did u guys get married anyway?" and james & lily say two different dates. turns out they're both wrong.

I’m laughing because I actually have a relative that went through something like this for his birthday. It wasn’t until he went to go join the army was when he found out that he was actually a year younger. 

Anyway, tweaking Harry’s age a bit…

Keep reading


The contract for Book 2 has been signed! The release date is currently projected as Janurary/February 2015 but this may be a bit flexible, and depending on progress with Book 3 hopefully it can be moved up a little. But the deed is done, the die is cast, and V Team will return!

Taking place a year after the events of Valhalla, V Team is about to face their biggest, most dangerous mission yet. The chases for Mishka and Wulfgar have yielded nothing and to find them, V Team is going to have to break a few rules. And as they begin a mission of Earth-saving scale, Violet will face an even more daunting and dangerous journey- Her relationship with Vibeke.

Spanning the entire globe and our two neighboring planets, Ragnarök will delve deeper into Violet’s character, deeper into the fragile peaceful world that lies only seconds from total war, and deeper into the ravine and its past. This time, shit will get fucked up. Inviolable rules will get broken. The closest alliances will end in horrific betrayal. The action will be more intense, the stakes infinitely higher, the explosions bigger…

And walrus. Oh yes, there will be walrus.

So I saw the trailer for ’Tusk’, and from what I can tell it’s kind of like ’The Human Centipede’. I quote, from IMDb:

A man is captured by a maniac and tortured, physically and mentally, into becoming a walrus.

Oh geez, I just re-read that sentence and now I’m laughing hysterically.