oh waiter

jack in the future just wants to talk about bitty to literally anyone who will listen???

“hey, want to see some pictures of my husband, eric? he’s so cute. i love him so much”

@ new falcs trainer: oh, sure, dude!

@ receptionist at the doctor’s office: oh all right then

@ waiters at restaurants: do you mean the man currently sitting across from you

@ shitty: brah i know him???

@ bitty: honey

Got7 2016 Experience

So out of popular demand here’s my meeting got7 experience on the weekend in toronto.

Warning this post will contain lots of swearing and will be long if you love got7, I suggest you read this. this is my complete got7 experience this weekend. Also will contain lots of very hyped up me.

okok so I went to koreatown in toronto to finish my got7 album collection so I just needed to buy identify and just right. I didnt know got7 were in toronto yet either. By the way I didnt go to koreatown assuming they were going to be there either because of that one time jackson was like why would I visit china town???
so me and my family go next door of the kpop store and go eat some korean food, the night before the toronto fanmeet. So we are about a half hour into our dinner when my sister was like oh look at this waiter hes kind of cute, and as I’m looking for the waiter, I see this guy looking around the restaurant for something and as his head turned, I saw his sideburns and high nose bridge and I asked my family like jokingly “is that kim yugyeom?” as everyone laughed I fuckin realized it was him, and I stopped breathing and just sunk into my booth so much I was almost underneath the table.
so as yugs is still looking around, and im still dying, fucking markson walk in together, and decide to sit riGHT FUCKING NEXT TO OUR TABLE.

So as I’m fuckin dying, 5/7 stroll the fuck in and sit their asses down, I’m almost crying at this point, And Im like if I dont talk to them Ill regret this shit.

aND FOR SOME FUCKING TRAGIC DRAMA SHIT THAT WAS THE DAY I FUCKIN DECIDED TO WEAR MY SEVENTEEN SHIRT REMEMBER THIS INFO COMES IN HANDY LATEr.

ok so on with the story, we walk over with our jr albums in hand and we’re like “were so sorry but if you wouldn’t mind could you possibly sign this?” and mark being the ever living sweetheart was like “will you guys be leaving soon?” In my mind I was like bitch I’d stay all fuckin day if you asked me to, so we replied no and he was like okay we promise to after dinner then.
so after we die the whole dinner.

WhICH BY THE FUCKIN WAY LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT HOW GOD DAMN REAL MARKSON IS.
okok so the whole night jackson was showing them all memes an shit and everytime he laughed by the way, a baby is born, and at one point in the night he was like smooshing mark s face with his chest and kept hugging him, and held his hand throughout dinner ok Im emo.
aLSO JINGYEOM ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER JINYOUNG HAD HIS ARM AROUND YUGYEOM THE WHOLE NIGHT WOW

so when they’re done dinner their manager comes over and is like “they can sign them now” and I’m lIKE FUCK I AINT READY.

so as we drag our asses over to their table mark grabs my sisters album and begins to sign it and jackson being the asshat he is finally notices my sweater and was like “seventeen eh?” And my mom next to me is like oh fuck and slams her hand against the logo on my cHEST by the way is lIKE NO. NO SEVENTEEN. I SWEAR YOURE HER UB GROUP.

and then my worst nightmare happens. jackson wang starts roasting me. but in korean. which I dont speak. to my top two biases. yugyeom and jinyoung. and although jinyoung didnt respond. yugyeom did. and he’s my ultimate bias. And I think I almost cried.

but anyways they make up for this shit later.

So after jackson continues to roast me he’s like “yah I’m friends with the chinese member.” As in singular so I’m like wait which one, junhui or minghao??? and then he fuckin waits a hundred years and goES “oH hao” like he forgot his name😂

so when my album gets passed around yugyeom stares at me the whole time smiling and I’m like ok I’m dying now and then jinyoung signs it at the end and paSSES IT DIRECTLY TO ME. and goes “here you go” in enGLISH and i’m like “ohmygod thankyou” and thEN HE HALF BOWS and goes “no thank you”

by then I was shook in half™ but then it got worse.

cAUSE AS I LOOKED AT MY ALBUM AND MARK PUT A HEART NEXT TO MY NAME aND YUGYEOM PUT ONE NEXT TO HIS NAME aND DIDNT PUT ONE ON MY SISTERS ONLY MINE
sO I ALMOST SCREAMED.
by the way the fucker jaebum was pissing the whole time so he didnt sign it. love you still.

and yj and bb were at the hotel.

so after I got no sleep that night I was already meeting them tommorow at their fanmeet so I was like ah fuck they’re probably not going to remember me but oh well.

so after we check into our hotel in toronto the clerk was like oh who are you going to see, we’re like oh got7, she was like oh and thEN SMIRKED AT ME. anD I WAS LIKE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

(Turns out we stayed at the same hotel)

so fm time, the performance is over and I’m like I gotta check to see if they know who tf I am.

so as I roll up on stage I’m like “jACKSON” and he looks around real confused and then he sees me makes a even more confused face and I’m like “seventeen eh?” And theN HIS FACE JUST BRIGHTENS UP AND HE YELLS NOT TALK BUT YELLS BACK “SEVENTEEEEEEENNN”

and Im like fuCK SHIT SISMFP1NXmaoxnk1inejJdknzq. he remembers me.

but then I become further shook I dont know if this is gods way of tellin me I belong with yugs in life but my ass got placed in front of yugyeom on the chair, and I look up at this beautiful angel and he looks down and smiles so brightly at me and goes, I shit you not “heeey, I remember you”

AND I STOPPED BREATHING COMPLETELY.

CAUSE MY SHOULDER WAS BARE AND I HAD A HALTER TOP ON AND HIS HAND TOUCHED MY BARE SHOULDER AND CARESSED IT AND I’M GONE.

SOSO GONE

AND AS I GET UP I PASS THE REST OF THE AND BB HI FIVED ME AND MARK WENT LIKE WOAH AND THEN I LIKE STUMBLED DOWN THE STAIRS

so this was my lit got7 experience.
I now have an inside joke with jackson wang.
and I’m besfriends with got7.

also congrats if you read this all.

Seventeen going to a BBQ Restaurant

Episode Two: Where Seventeen goes to a BBQ Restaurant and all hell breaks loose


Scoups: “To celebrate our debut and also as a team bonding session, let’s go to a Korean bbq restaurant, it’s on me”

Vernon: “I want pizza, I’ll go book a table for us”

Scoups: “No more pizza Hansol, let’s go eat proper food”

Mingyu: “MINGYU HEARS THE WORD FOOD”

The8: “Oh boy”


Waiter: “How many portions would you like?”

Scoups: “For thirteen people please”

Mingyu: “But I want more….”

Scoups: “We’ll order more when we finish eating what we’ve ordered Mingyu”

Mingyu: “But I usually eat five portions of meat”

Scoups: “What are you a hippo? How do you even finish that much food?”

The8: “Five portions? does the company even give us that much food?”

Mingyu: “I have my ways…” *smiles*

Wonwoo: “Wait… No wonder I felt like my meat was disappearing from my plate”

Jun: *glares at gyu*

Vernon: “Meat? No wait I thought we were at the pizza place down the street?”

Seungkwan: “Keep up Hansol Vernon Chwe, there’s a grill, there is an exhaust above our heads, where the heck do you think we’re at?”

Vernon: “But I already made a reservation…." 

Seungkwan: "Well isn’t that just too bad” *rolls eyes*


*meat arrives*

Scoups: “Time to grill the meat, who’s going to cook it?”

Mingyu: “Mingyu volunteers" 

The8: "No what the heck, you’re gonna secretly eat it all”

Scoups: “Okay so not Mingyu, who else wants to give it a go? Maknae do your job”

Dino: “The pain of being a maknae is real, I should’ve known… I should’ve listened when everyone warned me about it. I should’ve been born one year earlier! Why mum WHY?!!!" 

Seventeen: ….

Jeonghan: "Seungcheol, leave our baby alone you’re stressing him out, be a man and cook it”

Joshua: “You mean our baby”

Scoups: “Ugh I’m already paying and I still have to grill these for you all…”

Jeonghan: “Hmmmm… I think I should tie up my hair, if not it’s going to smell real bad after this”

Joshua: “Do not stare hong jisoo. DO. NOT. STARE. DAMMIT EYES”


DK: “Can I eat it yet?”

Scoups: “No”

DK: “How about now?”

Scoups: “No, Seokmin no”

DK: “What color does it need to be to know if its cooked?”

Scoups: “Brown”

DK: “It’s already brown tho, can I eat it?”

Scoups: “No its not brown enough”

DK: “Now?” 

Hoshi: "I wanna pee”

Woozi: “No one’s stopping you soonyoung”

Hoshi: “But there’s someone in there….” *points and pouts*

Woozi: “Then wait for the person to come out?! jeez…”

Hoshi: “Then can you tell me if the person comes out?" 

Woozi: "Fine, as long as you stop talking" 

Hoshi: "Is he out yet?”

Woozi: “No”

Hoshi: “Is it empty yet?”

Woozi: “Duh, no”

DK: “Is it cooked yet?”

Scoups: “Oh my god Dokyeom NO”

Hoshi: “Now?”

Woozi: “No stop asking me about it”

DK: “hyung is it done?" 

Scoups: "SHUT IT YOU TWO OR I’M PUTTING Y'ALL ON THIS FLIPPING GRILL”

DK: “Well someone has anger management issues”

Jeonghan: “Here you go my baby, you need more meat so you can grow up to be a healthy dino”

Dino: “I’m 18 hyung”

Jeonghan: “Sure you are”

Joshua: “How about me Hannie?”

Jeonghan: “Alright, this is for you Joshie”

Joshua: *blushes* “Best day ever”


Wonwoo: “where did my meat go?”

Jun: “Give Wonwoo back his meat Mingyu!" 

Mingyu: "What are you talking about?”

Jun: “You know what I’m talking about… i saw you taking it from his plate”

Mingyu: “Where’s the proof?”

Jun: “It’s all over your face Mingyu”

Mingyu: “Ugh fine, it’s too late I already ate it all anyways”

Jun: *throws lettuce*

Mingyu: “Two can play that game” *throws kimchi at Jun*

Wonwoo: “Erm”

Jun: “Kimchi?! You ruined my white shirt, I saved this for a special occasion!”

Mingyu: “Oops want some water to wash it away?” *throws water at jun*

Jun: “Ugh that’s it you tall thing, I’m taking you down" 

Woozi: "Fight! Fight! Fight!”

Scoups: “Don’t encourage them Woozi. Guys sit down!”

Mingyu: “Ow ow ow, get off me jun”

Vernon: “Oh shit the pizza place is calling me! What do I do?!”

Seungkwan: “Don’t answer it”

Vernon: “I can’t, they know my name, my number, they know where I liveeeee”

Seungkwan: “Why would you tell them where you live?" 

Vernon: "Pizza delivery?”

Seungkwan: “Just decline the call vernon!" 

Vernon: "Oh no they are calling again! Help me Seungkwan!”

Seungkwan: “Just give me the god damn phone” *snatches phone*

Jun: *yanks mingyu’s hair*

Mingyu: “Rawrrrr” *picks up the metal spoon to hit jun*

Scoups: “SIT YOUR ASSES DOWN OR I’LL UNLEASH THE WOOZI" 

Mingyu & Jun:*silently sits back down*

Scoups: "I need a drink”

Joshua: “Drink water”

Joshua: “Not alcohol”

Scoups: “Soju is clear like water” *drinks a shot of soju*

Joshua: “Close enough”


masterlist ✨

Read the previous episode: Seventeen going to meet each other for the First Time

Male! Alya:

  • SHE LOOKS LIKE HER DAD IM HOLLERING
  • this is a man with stories to tell
  • “oh waiter? I’ll have the sexy ginger muttonchops to go…”

THIS IS MY FIRST SMUT AND I HAVE NO SHAME.


Levi wasn’t the most patient man. Even he knew this. So, why on earth did he get a job as a waiter? Oh. That’s right. Eren said it may help with his people skills but, to be honest, it was probably the worst suggestion ever. Levi thought that literally anything was better than this. Screaming kids, fussy, indecisive, troublesome customers and the most horrendous of all, the dirty cooking untensils that would be left in the sink at the end of the night.

It was currently midnight, Levi was meant to finish his shift two hours ago however, the amount of customers said otherwise. They came rushing in like Niagra Falls;quick and neverending. He scrubbed every single inch of the restaurant until it was completely spotless, it smelled like fresh lemon. He washed each and every knife and fork by hand and then put them in the dishwasher to ensure they were 100% clean. He even pushed the boat out and vaccuumed the restaurant, every. Single. Corner.

As tempted as he was to crash out on a table, he couldn’t. He needed to go home to his wonderful boyfriend, Eren. He sloppily grabbed his key to lock up the restaurant even though it didn’t matter to him whether or not it got robbed. What he really cared about was being able to drive without falling asleep. Just as he sat down in his car, his phone buzzed. Oh, a text from Eren. Well…not quite a text. More of a picture. Levi texted back.

“Not tonight, baby. My muscles ache and I’m exhausted”

He put his phone down, fastened his seatbelt and set off for home.

It had been 15 minutes which seemed like an hour and Levi was finally home. All of the lights downstairs were off so it was likely that Eren was upstairs. As Levi made his way upstairs, he could smell something sweet. It almost smelled like a cake batter scented Yankee Candle. The bathroom door was open and Eren had just finished running a bath for Levi, he swished his hand in the water to make sure the temperature was perfect.

“Oh, you’re just in time, sweetheart”
Eren brought Levi a towl that had just came out of the dryer.

“Thank you,Eren.” Levi smiled and kissed Eren on the cheek

The bath was relaxing, not so much for his aching muscles but for his mind. It had been at least 30 minutes. Levi pulled out the plug and dried himself off before he turned into a raisin. He wrapped the towel around his waist and walked to the bedroom to get ready for bed.

Eren was sat up, back against the headboard, indulging in a book. Until Levi came in.

“Aw baby… whats the matter?”

“Today was a stressful day at work and my joints are so stiff” he made a throaty groan.

His joints weren’t the only thing that was stiff.

Eren crawled over to Levi and began to rub his shoulders in circular motions.

“So, what else happened at work hmm?” Eren continued to rub Levi’s shoulders. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“God! The rudest couple came in today. No please or thank you. And they had the audacity to ‘oi’ me. AND on top of that-mmm”

“Is everything okay, baby?”

“Yeah…that just feels really good…”

Levi started to relax and with that, his neck loosened up. Eren slowly started to kiss his neck. Sloppy but passionate kisses. His hands moved down to Levi’s torso for a bit more stability and to also get a feel of his boyfriends abs. They were like white chocolate. Wonderful to look at.

Levi’s breathing picked up.

“Lie down.”

Eren gave Levi a light push and with that, his towel conveniently unravelled. Eren removed his long sleeved v-neck and his sweat pants and climbed onto Levi. He resumed to rubbing Levi’s torso and gradually moved down.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll make sure you forget you’re in pain.” The couple gave eachother the same lustful look.

Eren gently grabbed onto Levi’s erection. He used his thumb to lightly massage the tip. Levi was becoming impatient. He was still relaxed from the massage so his head rolled back onto the sheets, he couldn’t even open his eyes.

Eren finally stopped teasing Levi. He hoisted himself off of Levis lap and stood at the edge of the bed. He grabbed Levi’s legs and pulled him forward a bit, just for easier access.

He pumped his own erection a few times and then he began to enter. He pushed the tip in just to tease Levi. He decided to wind Levi up just a little more.

“Oops. Silly me, I forgot a condom, excuse me a second.” He smirked.

“Ugh Eren! Please! Just hurry up. I need you right now.”

Eren rolled the condom on. It was the type with the ridges. Just for extra pleasure.

“Goddamnit! How long does it take to put on a- Ufft”

And it starts.

Eren held Levi’s hips as he slowly stroked backwards and forwards.

“Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

“Mmm…yeah”

Levi’s facial muscles began to tense and with that, Eren’s strokes became much faster as he infused all of his energy into it.

Although men weren’t great at multi-tasking, Eren tried. He leaned forward and gave Levi an open mouthed kiss. He was breathing extreamly heavily so he did his best to breath through his nose.

“Oh my God! EREN! Please, don’t stop…” he said between breaths.

“I didn’t plan on doing so” he smirked again.

He loved watching Levi squirm helplessly beneath him, it was like a blessing. He was the one responsible for Levi’s reactions.

“Eren! I’m gonna- I’m gonna-”

Levi’s back started to arch. Squirming uncontrollably.

Another throaty moan.

Inhale. Exhale.

“Did my baby enjoy himself? Did daddy do a good job tonight?”

Levi caught his breath.

“Yeah… daddy did great”

Seventeen going to a Buffet Pt. 2

Episode Nine: Seventeen heads to the Buffet Restaurant and Joshua decides to start a fight with Seungcheol


*in the queue for the buffet restaurant*

Waiter: “For how many?”

Scoups: “13 please”

Waiter: “Um…” *looks back at the packed restaurant*

Waiter: “Can you sit separately?”

Hoshi: “NO YOU CAN’T SEPARATE ME FROM WOOZI! NEVERRRR!!!”

Waiter:

Scoups: “Yeah it’s alright, we can just split into four or five per table”

Hoshi: “BUT I WANT TO-

Scoups: “Soonyoung you can sit with Jihoon now shut up please”

Hoshi: *smiles*

Waiter: “So twelve adults and one child?”

Woozi: “You better not be talking about me”

Dino: “I think he was talking about me hyung…”

Waiter: “Oh hey there little one didn’t see you back there, should I get two baby chairs for your children?”

Woozi: “Someone hold me back or I’m gonna dig out his eyes”

Hoshi: “Go get him Woozi! He tried to separate us just now!”

Woozi: “Suddenly I like this waiter a whole lot, should we be friends?”


*at table one: Jeonghan, Joshua, Scoups, Dino, DK*

DK: “Dish ish da kool peepur’s taburle”

Dino: “I don’t think I understand what you just said…”

Joshua: “Ugh why is the third party here?”

Scoups: “Are you perhaps referring to me Hong Jisoo?”

Dino: “I don’t like this table…. Can I go sit with somewhere else?”

Jeonghan: “No, you need to sit beside me so I can cut your food for you and feed you”

Joshua: “Why are you always third wheeling around Jeonghan and I?”

Scoups: “Know your place Joshua Hong, I came first”

Joshua: “I hope you mean by birth because if we are talking about his heart or feelings, I come in first”

Jeonghan: “Keep it down will you? People are staring…”

Scoups: “Well, why did you lead Joshua on and ruin our relationship then?”

Joshua: “Excuse me, what?”

Dino: “I’m leaving this table-”

Jeonghan: *buckles chan down into his baby chair*

Dino: “DANG IT”


*at table two: Wonwoo, Jun, The8, Mingyu*

Mingyu: “Okay guys half of this table is mine, please make sure your plates do not invade my side of the table”

Jun: “Four of us are sharing the table and you’re claiming half of it?”

The8: “It’s not like you don’t know him Jun, he probably needs half of the table for the amount of food he is going to take”

Mingyu: “Ding Dong Deng! Minghao you know me so well!”

Jun: “Then is the three of us supposed to share the other half???”

Mingyu: “UM DUH”

Wonwoo: “Why was it only a dream???”

Jun: “Did you say something Wonwoo?”

Wonwoo: “No… I’m going to get myself some food…”


*at table three: Seungkwan, Vernon, Hoshi, Woozi*

Woozi: “I can’t believe I’m seating with you”

Hoshi: “I KNOW RIGHT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT TOO SQUEALLLL”

Woozi: “I’m reconsidering my new-found friendship with the waiter…”

Vernon: “I can wait here while you guys can go get your food”

Seungkwan: “Why? Are you saying that I’m too greedy and that I can’t wait?!”

Vernon: “I didn’t mean it like that… Then shall I go get the food first while you wait?”

Seungkwan: “What are you implying Hansol Vernon Chwe? That if I go there I’ll take all the food and you won’t have any left, so you better go take your share of food first before I eat it ALLL?!!”

Vernon: “I am so done with you”

Seungkwan: “Are you saying that I’m annoying and irritating?”

Vernon: “Does anyone want to swap seats with me?”

Dino: “ME WANTS!”

Jeonghan: “Stop it or I’m not letting you have any fries”


*buffet counter*

Mingyu: “This is Mingyu’s heaven, they have everything I ever craved for, they have pizza, fried chicken, kimchi fried rice, dumplings, kimbap, pasta, udon, ramen, ice cream, gelato, WAFFLES! OMG SOMEONE CAPTURE THIS BEAUTIFUL MOMENT FOR ME!” *sobs*

Wonwoo: *snaps a photo*

The8: *takes a whiff*

The8: “Some of these don’t seem that fresh….”

Mingyu: “Shut it Minghao how can you insult such beauty in this sacred place”

Scoups: *reaches out to take some seasoned beef from buffet counter*

Joshua: *shoves coups*

Scoups: *moves away from Joshua to take some japchae*

Joshua: *shoves coups again*

Scoups: “Stop shoving me will you Hong Jisoo!!”

DK: “Well someone please take the salt shaker away from Joshua because someone’s salty about life”

Woozi: “No Seokmin…. no….”

Jeonghan: “Boys, I know the both of you are crazy about me but am I really worth ruining your friendship because of me? Who am I kidding, of course I am”

DK: “Well someone please pass Jeonghan a mirror because he needs a reality check”

Woozi: “Please just stop trying”

Wonwoo: “Mingyu can you help me take that?” *points to eggrolls*

Mingyu: “No why would I?”

Mingyu: *takes a mountain of eggrolls for himself*

Wonwoo: “Oh right…. The dream’s not real” *cries*

Hoshi: “Jihoonie would you like some bacon and scrambled eggs?”

Woozi: “I can get them myself”

DK: “Would you be able to reach them tho”

Woozi: “Don’t test my patience Seokmin”

Scoups: “Wait if we are all here who’s at our table?”

Jeonghan: “Chan is, I’m sure he’ll be fine”


*meanwhile at table one*

Dino: *attempts to cut the belt of the baby seat with a plastic knife*

Dino: “PSSSTTT HANSOL!”

Vernon: “What?”

Dino: “Help me get out of this baby trap”

Vernon: “Why would you want to get out?”

Dino: “Didn’t you say you want to swap seats?”

Vernon: “I did but won’t Jeonghan hyung be mad?”

Dino: “Nah he’ll be too preoccupied with the two idiots fawning over him to notice”

Vernon: “Okay… if you say so”


*table two*

The8: “I know you said you’d take a lot of food but this is just too much”

Mingyu: “Yes thank you, put it over here please”

Waiters: *carrying 100 plates over*

Jun: “The tall thing is taking up our side of our table!”

Mingyu: “This is only round one”

Wonwoo: “If you can’t finish it, you have to pay for the food wastage”

Mingyu: “Are you three doubting me?!”

The8: “Can’t we just go to the Chinese restaurant across the street?”

Jun: “We can try to make a run for it”

The8: “Alright we’ll make a dash for it in 1…. 2…. 3… RUN!”

Jun & The8: *runs out of restaurant*

Wonwoo: “Um Mingyu… do you remember anything about lemonades or pancakes or anything at all?”

Mingyu: *finishes 30 plates worth of food*

Mingyu: “No why? Oh no did I get drunk and talked about food again? I really need to fix my drinking habits”

Wonwoo: “Never mind pretend I didn’t ask”

Mingyu: “Are you finishing your pancakes?”

Wonwoo: “Why? Are you gonna get me more Mingyu?”

Mingyu: “What? No, I want to eat it if you can’t finish them”

Wonwoo: “Oh”


*table three*

Hoshi: “You got a little something on your lips Woozi”

Woozi: “Where?”

Hoshi: *cleans it with a tissue*

Dino: “Chan’s eyes…. chan’s eyes…. it needs to be cleansed”

Woozi: “dOn’T toUcH mEH”

Seungkwan: “What are you doing here?”

Dino: “I switched seats with Vernon hyung but honestly this seat is kind of bad too”

Seungkwan: “Excuse you but this is the best table because I am here”

Dino: “I know why Vernon was so willing to switch with me….”

Dino: “I want my fries….”

Seungkwan: “You’re not having mine”


*table one*

Jeonghan: *eats a mouth of the jjamppong*

Jeonghan: “This tastes way better than any of the crap you’ve ever cooked for me Seungcheol”

Scoups: “Let me see you try cooking then!”

Joshua: “See Hannie, if you were with me, you’d eat good food everyday”

Scoups: “Like you can cook Joshua”

Joshua: “Who said anything about cooking? I’m talking about bringing Jeonghan out to eat at restaurants”

Jeonghan: “Ohhh fancy! I like the sound of that!”

Vernon: “Dino was right, Jeonghan’s so busy that he didn’t even realise his beloved child is missing”

DK: “He wouldn’t even know if we stole all of his food from his plate”

Scoups: “Do you think money is so easily earned?! It’s not! What about eating with family? What about home-cooked meals?”

Joshua: “What’s the point if the home-cooked meal gives you food poisoning?”

Scoups: “WHEN DID MY FOOD GIVE ANYONE FOOD POISIONING?!?!”

Vernon: “Guys….”

Joshua: “It’s like you have short-term memory, when we first met you cooked porridge for Hannie and he couldn’t stop vomiting for a month”

Scoups: “It helped him lose weight!”

Jeonghan: “Well… I did manage to fit into size XS after that”

Joshua: “DOES NO ONE ELSE CARES ABOUT JEONGHAN’S HEALTH?”

Scoups: “HEALTH? IF YOU ARE SO CONCERNED ABOUT HIS HEALTH WHY ARE YOU SUGGESTING TO BRING HIM TO EAT OUTSIDE WHERE ALL THE FOOD ARE FLAVOURED BY MSG?!!!”

Waiter: “Sorry what did you say?”


DK: “What team are you rooting for? I’m in #TeamCoups

Woozi: “Is this really the time to be in teams?”

Scoups: “IF YOU ARE WITH JOSHUA HE IS GOING TO FEED YOU WITH ALL OF THE CRAP LIKE THIS THAT MAKES YOUR HAIR FALL OUT”

Jeonghan: *gasp*

Waiter: “Did you say crap?”

Joshua: “YOU HAD TO MENTION THE HAIR DIDN’T YOU”

Hoshi: “I’ll be whatever team you choose Woozi”

Woozi: “Well I’m not gonna pick sides”

Hoshi: “Okay so I’m on #TeamWoozi

Scoups: “YES THIS CRAP THAT JOSHUA IS FEEDING YOU WILL MAKE YOU BALD”

Joshua: “OH NO YOU DID NOT SAY THAT COUPSTASTU”

Scoups: “IF INTERVIEWERS ASK YOU WHAT YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 5 YEARS YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND SAY BALD”

Jeonghan: “My hair….”

Vernon: “Does anyone see the look in Joshua hyung’s eyes? He looks like he is about to pounce and tackle someone”

Scoups: “BRING IT ON HONG JISOO”

Joshua: *hits coups with a chicken drumstick*

Scoups: “WHAT ARE YOU, A CAVEMAN? BE A MAN AND USE YOUR FISTS!”

Waiter: “EXCUSE ME PLEASE DO NOT PLAY WITH THE FOOD”

Joshua: *throws dumplings*

Waiter: “SIR!”

Joshua: “I’M NOT PLAYING WITH FOOD! HOW CAN YOU CALL THESE HEAVILY MSG SEASONED THINGS, FOOD??”

Scoups: “SO YOU ADMIT YOU’RE FEEDING JEONGHAN WITH MSG!”

Waiter: “I’d like for all of you to please leave our restaurant premises”

Mingyu: “But I’m not done yet!”

Waiter: “GET OUT! ALL OF YOU GET OUT!!!”

Mingyu: “My FOOD! YOU CAN’T CHASE ME OUT FROM THIS HEAVEN!”

Vernon: “Yes he can, you idiot”

Mingyu: “Look I still have my voucher! I’m an entitled customer!!!”

Waiter: *rips voucher into half*

Mingyu:

Waiter: “Oh well… now you’re not. Get out”

Mingyu: *breaks down*


*meanwhile at the Chinese restaurant*

Jun: “Ahhhh how nice”

The8: “Silence and peace, tranquillity…”

Jun: “Would you like more green tea Mr Xu?”

The8: “Yes if you do not mind, Mr Wen”

Waitress: “Is there anything else that you’d like?”

The8: “Yes, to stay here forever away from the obnoxious members”

Jun: “and also your phone number”

Waitress:

Waitress: “I’ll get you more green tea”


masterlist ✨

Read the previous episode: Seventeen going to a Buffet Pt.1

Food Service AUs
  • “you order the same thing everyday and the one day you change your meal i’ve already had it wrapped and ready to go i demand justice” au
  • “it’s super busy right now and i just got in and my coworker told me that this burrito was for the cutie with the booty and - oh you meant that guy, i thought you meant this guy! oops” au
  • “yes i’d like to give my compliments to the chef this soup is divine, yes feel free to bring them out here i’d like to give it in person AND OH MY GOD IS THAT THE CHEF THEY ARE HOT I’M NOT DRESSED FOR THIS” au
  • “my parents have owned this restaurant for years and they haven’t hired anyone under the age of 35 since ever and no mom i’m not flirting with the new waiter oh my god why would i do that please date me you’re too cute for words” au
  • “i’m a pizza delivery person and i got stuck in this elevator with you trying to deliver my last pizza and i’m so hungry and we shouldn’t but i’m game if you are, god i love pepperoni pizza” au
  • “you come every saturday five minutes before we close and order a cheeseburger with curly fries, is there a reason for this, or do you just hate us?” au
  • “this is going to sound weird but that my ex thinks i have a fiance who owns this restaurant and they’re going to be here in five so please pretend to be my significant other, i’ll buy everything on the menu” au
  • “every time you come you give me a different name for your order and you always pay in cash GOD DAMMIT JUST TELL ME YOUR REAL NAME ‘DYNAMITE’” au
  • “oh no it’s the horrible lady with the glasses again i refuse to take her order - wait who’s that hottie with her? it’s alright guys, i’ll take one for the team” au
  • “you are the worst sous chef ever why do you even work here - what - what are you doing? why are you flirting with me? no i’m not doing anything saturday… what did you have in mind?” au
  • “are you going to order now or what you’ve been holding up the line for fifteen minutes and i was supposed to go on my break two minutes ago” au
  • “we’re hosting a speed date night and i’ve made eye contact with you on all of your five minutes dates and honestly, someone with a brain talk to this person b/c i might just pour water all over the next person unworthy to date you” au
  • “I’m sorry i’m making the most orgasmic sounds while i eat this pie, but it’s just so good and i promise i’ll never return if you let me taste the banana cream” au
No chimichangas, No Thank You
  • Wade Wilson: Petey, you're gonna abso-FUCKING-LUTELY LOVE THIS PLACE!!! I swear to god almighty they make the best, most perfect chimichangas you have ever had in your entire life.
  • Peter Parker: [hums an affirmative, holding Wade's hand as they cross the street to the restaurant] You're gushing, Wade!
  • Wade Wilson: Only because this place deserves it!!!
  • Peter Parker: It will be nice to have real food for once! [slides into a booth]
  • Wade Wilson: [continues to gush until the waiter delivers drinks they ordered] May we please have two of your finest chimichangas?
  • Waiter: Oh, I'm sorry, sirs! We no longer serve those anymore. Not enough people were buying them.
  • Peter Parker: I'm sorry, Wade! But we can order sketching else. Let's see here-- [picks up the menu, about to take a sip of his drink]
  • Wade Wilson: [stands up and pulls his boyfriend's drink back] DO NOT TAKE A SIP OF THAT COKE, PARKER!!! WE ARE NOT PAYING A CENT TO THIS ESTABLISHMENT!! I PROMISED YOU CHIMICHANGAS AND WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO MAKE THIS KIND OF GRAVE MISTAKE!
  • Peter Parker: [covers face with his hands] Wade, it's okay!!!! Let's just go!! [starts herding him out of the restaurant repeating strings of apologies to the people around them after surreptitiously placing some money on the table]

my family noticed i was feeling down today so they sang happy birthday really loudly even though it isn’t my birthday just so i could get free cake from the restaurant we were dining at