oh waiter

My favorite lines from The Defenders

I just had to make a collection for this show 

  •  “People call me Foggy.” “And you let them?”
  • Matt’s speech to Aaron James (Ep. 1)
  • “You’re not abandoning Elektra, you don’t have it in you.” That sass from the priest thou
  • “You got a mouth on ya.” “You noticed.” 
  • “Is the NYPD going to pay you for doing their job?” “No…but,”
  • Josie’s comment towards Foggy
  • “You won’t like me then.” “I don’t like you now.” 
  • “Don’t you bet on it.” *immediately cuts off his hand*
  • “I’m a Catholic guy, I’ve got a soft spot for hopeless causes.” 
  • “There’s this mystical place called K’un-Lun-” “I can answer for myself,” *pauses* “There’s this mystical place called K’un-Lun,” 
  • Luke’s speech/argument with Danny in Ep. 3 
  • “Omg yes I’m gonna quote that” that entire conversation lol
  • “So punching is okay now?” “It’s complicated.” 
  • “You look like an asshole.” “It’s your scarf.” 
  • “Woah, she is very strong.” 
  • “Who hears neon?!”
  • “Is that pork?” “No, it’s shrimp.” “Oh.” *waiter walks in* “That guy has pork.” “Ah great!” 
  • “I get that.” “I don’t, you’re blind.” 
  • “Because this one, the iron fist, immortal weapon and protector of the ancient city, is still a thunderous dumbass.” 
  • “Sit down and shut up.” *immediately walks out*
  • “Jesus, am I the only one left who doesn’t know karate?”
  • “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.” “Let’s keep it that way”
  • *drives car straight into the restaurant* “Who missed me?” 
  • “Do you understand?” “Do I understand? You are the dumbest Iron Fist yet.” 
  • “That dude was for sure dead the last time I saw him.” “Oh yeah.” “Okay just checking.” I love Claire so much 
  • “The scarf looked better. Nice ears.” “They’re horns.” 
  • “It’s a katana, it was passed down-” “It’s weird.” 
  • “So cool.” “I mean, it’s kind of cool.” 
  • Any time Luke tries to calm Danny down
  • “It’s like you’re making it up as you go along.” “That’s what survivors do.” 
  • “His name is Matthew.” *stabby mcstab stab* “You work for me now.” 
  • “A witness? What do you, do you want me to describe how it sounded?” 
  • *downs a shitty beer* “It’s been a long week.” 
  • *gives Matt in the suit the side-eye* “There it is.”
  • “I’m glad we found each other.” “I’m not hugging you.”
  • “Let’s go ironclad.” “It’s Iron Fist.” “I know.” 


These were just my faves, feel free to add your own! 

anonymous asked:

Idk y but I want an MC that always gets id'd whenever her and her s/o goes to a bar since she looks so young, but in reality shes like 18-21, cause I feel like alot of people can connect this, specially ppl w/ ASIAN GENESSSSSS (LIKE USSSSSSSSS)

I LOVE WHEN I GET CARDED- IT MAKES ME FEEL YOUNG TT__TT 

Yoosung:
*trying to get into a club with MC*
Bouncer: I’m sorry these are so obviously fake
Yoosung: N-No sir, that’s definitely me…
Bouncer: This doesn’t even look like you- look your hair is all brown and dorky in this picture…
Yoosung: Please! I dyed my hair and besides- look at my girlfriend’s ID! She looks completely different in it too-
Bouncer: You’re right. She looks even younger in real life than in this photo- and she looks like she’s 12 on here… she also appears to have eyes… 
MC: HEY! I LOOK AT LEAST 14 BUDDY!… wait, what was that about my eyes?! 

Zen: 
*reading a magazine article about himself*
… the popular actor waves off to the side where his manager and ‘girlfriend’ is waiting patiently. At first we thought it was a joke, our Zen, getting himself a girlfriend when he’s been so loyal to us fans…and after seeing the teenager passing off as an adult to try to fool us- we remain wholly unconvinced of his relationship status… 
Zen: MC! THAT”S IT! YOU HAVE TO START WEARING MAKEUP OR SOMETHING WHEN THE PRESS ARE AROUND! THEY’RE CALLING ME A CRADLE ROBBER AND DONT BELIEVE YOURE MY GIRLFRIEND!
MC: But- you are a cradle robber. 
Zen: Woman! I’m like three months older than you!           

Jaehee:
Random customer winks and gives a finger gun to Jaehee after being served a coffee by MC.
Jaehee: Um… thank you? I’m not quite sure what that’s for-
Customer: Just giving you props for being an out and proud-
Jaehee: bisexual? thank you-
Customer- -Cougar
Jaehee: ???
Customer: ????
Jaehee: She’s older than me? 
Customer:…. ahhhh- like the older women then?? *another wink and finger gun*
Jaehee: …Alright. No more coffee for you today. 

Jumin:
MC: Excuse me, Waiter? I would like to order a glass of wine-
Waiter: I’m sorry little lady, we don’t serve people under the legal age-
MC: Oh- hahaha, I’m legal!
Waiter: Please sir- control your little sister-
Jumin: *chokes on his wine. He reaches for her purse and takes out her ID and smacks it against the waiters face*
Waiter: I… Oh… I’m so sorry- you are indeed legal-
Jumin: NOT THAT! SHE’S MY WIFE NOT MY SISTER! HAN SEE THAT H-A-N! WIFE!
MC: *sweat drops* thats… that’s what matters to you right now??? 

Saeyoung: 
*trying to get into a R18+ movie* 
MC: They won’t sell me a ticket! 
Saeyoung: Why not?! 
MC: I forgot my ID and they won’t believe that I’m over 18! 
Saeyoung: What?- well- you do look young. I’ll buy them. *goes to the counter, comes back instantly with two tickets* 
MC: Oh yes! …wait… these are tickets for Moana… 
Saeyoung: HE GUILTED ME INTO IT, SAID THAT THIS WAS FAR MORE AGE APPROPRIATE FOR US TT__TT
MC:… You didn’t even try did you? 
Saeyoung:…. the reviews said it was really good… 

Saeran: 
MC: *reading a racy manga in public* 
Offended Old Passerby: Sir! Your young friend is reading material that isn’t-
MC: *gives them the finger*
OOP: WHY I NEVER! As the older party here aren’t you going to tell her off?!
Saeran: *gives them both fingers*
OOP STORMS OFF
Saeran: *turns to MC and points to a picture* We should try that position when we get home. 
MC: … why wait until we get home? 
Saeran: I love you. So much, 

V: 
MC trying to enter V’s exhibition 
Guard: Honey- listen, you can’t come in OK- this exhibition is for adults only. 
MC: You don’t understand-
Guard: Look there’s some pretty intense nudity in there and it wouldn’t be right for me to allow you in without some form of ID
MC: I forgot it in my other purse- oh! V! V, over here! 
V: Hey MC! What’s wrong?
Guard: Sir, she has no ID and I can’t allow someone into the exhibit when they could be exposed to such-
V: She was the model for the entire series
Guard: *nosebleeds*
MC: So I guess I can go in and look at my own naked ass right? Thanks buddy! 

Oh, Hello on Broadway Sentence Starters

  • “Oh, hello.”
  • “Charmed I’m sure, I’m _____.”
  • “Theater is the hot, new thing right now.”
  • “We’re filming this as a special for Investigation Discovery.”
  • “But we like to joke that ____ is the master of fun.”
  • “How can I describe the kind of vibe we give off?”
  • “You know when you walk by a travel agency, and you’re like, ‘what?’”
  • “I’m the type of man you would catch at a party going through the coats.”
  • “Each death learning from and improving upon the death before it.”
  • “I am a Tony Award viewing actor.”
  • “It’s a cold wrap, a warm Sierra Mist.”
  • “He wouldn’t let me sulk for one single second.”
  • “We started doing heroin that afternoon.”
  • “It was inspired by, and directly stolen from.”
  • “Who’s that? Who’s that guy?”
  • “When a famous person dies, blame the year, and make it about you.”
  • “We come out with bowler hats on. We take them off, we got two tuna sandwiches on our heads.”
  • “It was like— hey, shut the door— it was like…”
  • “Have you fucking tried dealing with the Shubert Organization?”
  • “They have everything at this place. Old props, old costumes, the cast of Newsies huddled over a flaming garbage can.”
  • “Which the city of New York informs us is a massive fire hazard.”
  • “Why he wore a dress to make a phone call, we will never know.”
  • “Perhaps you didn’t have time before the show to eat at Guy Fieri’s Great American Garbage Fire.”
  • “Her head ended up where?”
  • “That guy is sick as a dick!”
  • “Do you wanna know why? Do you wanna know why, ___? Because I could not afford Adobe Photoshop!”
  • “Alright, we’re having a nice time, so…”
  • “Oh waiter? I’ll have one more root beer, please.”
  • “Not in life, or in the play, ever put your nail in between my nail, in my fingie meat.”
  • “For real, don’t ever do that again. For real.”
  • “What are we? Two characters with different perspectives?”
  • “Twenty-five hundred dollars for a measly five-bedroom with office, crown molding, and fireplace?”
  • “___, is there a— fucking wait!”
  • “Are we on the same team?”
  • “Yeah! The ‘86 Mets.”
  • “Good news comes in thin envelopes.”
  • “Boy, that guy’s going back to Chinatown.”
  • “My father’s in a pitch black room drinking whiskey, and we are not allowed in there.”
  • “On one hand, I was sad my mother killed herself, but on the other hand, I was happy it was my birthday.”
  • “I’ll go banana bread on you, and it’ll be too dry to swallow!”
  • “You need to lose like, seven pounds.”
  • “I’m at Columbia University— as a trespasser.”
  • “Fun fact: I’m the only guy to get kicked out of a cult for being too into it.”
  • “Watch out, raccoons, they’ll steal your food, but next thing you know, they’ll steal your heart.”
  • “First off, we do not have the rights to Bill Joel’s ‘Movin’ Out.’“
  • “You’re God’s born loser, you know that?”
  • “No. No escape. Hey— no, no!”
  • “You know what? Our game show where contestants had to guess what you knew?”
  • “And the one time that guy guessed it, I lied.”
  • “The menu is like nineteen pages long, and even though it’s a diner, it has stuff like lobster on it.”
  • “Could I get a 1970′s coffee? So watery, and grey, and a gun next to it on the table.”
  • “And they don’t at all get a huge fucking tuna comeuppance.”
  • “Thank you for that measured compliment.”
  • “Did Jews not control the world of art?”
  • “When I realized card tricks were actually a trick, I said there must be no God.”
  • “the point is, we used to drink fish.”
  • “Well, we could be living in the subway tunnel if you hadn’t blown it with the mole people.”
  • “I hate to be the first to say it, but New York has changed.”
  • “The 1990′s! Mad About You, pesto sauce, O.J. Simpson breaks his 45-year no killing streak.”
  • “Could you imagine doing something so fucked up, there’s no more Toyota Camry?”
  • “But you’re Jewish and she’s a raccoon!”
  • “It’s just— I’ve never had money before, and I want some.”
  • “The baby is demonic!”
  • “I’m on the floor.”
  • “Could you get me a Ferraro Roche chocolate? Or a Lindt Lindor Truffle? My favorite flavor is blue.”
  • “I need you to go to Just Salad, at like, one P.M. when they’re at their busiest, and just get online and be like ‘now let’s see, how does this work?’“
  • “Will you go to the Magnolia Bakery as featured in the Sex and the City walking tour and just open fire?”
  • “Will you go to Long Island City, Queens? ‘Cause I won’t.”
  • “A look that can only be described as Pussy Safari.”
  • “It’s like, suddenly jewelry stores do have a bathroom I can use?”
  • “You got clam juiced, you white trash idiot.”
  • “Would you stop the Super Bowl halfway through to do a bunch of bullshit?”
  • “You wanted to hear how fucked up I am inside?”
  • “Nobody’ll say it, but Shakespeare is a fucking hack, alright?”
  • “Have we owned this the entire time?”
  • “I’m so sorry that I lied to you about a life changing voice-over opportunity, and then bullied you for forty years.”
  • “I’m so sorry that I really didn’t do anything wrong.”
  • “Oh no, that’s okay, waiter. I bring my own chair places.”
  • “Most of those teens only bought the book because in it, I explained how to make a bomb.”
  • “Oh waiter? I’ll have— well, I’ll have two root beers, please.”
Meeting cute!

The bowling alley was crowded. You and your friends had gotten one of the last lanes and were now trying to borrow some shoes. The line was moving terribly slowly.

“Alright, let’s split up. Two of us go to the booth to set everything up. Two go to the bar and order drinks and food and the other three stay here and get the shoes, okay?”, you delegated.

Your friends nodded and split up. You went to the bar with your bestie. Thankfully she was tall, blonde and absolutely stunning, which was why you got the waiter’s attention pretty quickly.

“Hey girls, what can I do for you?”, the guy asked, eyes only on your best friend.

You didn’t mind though, you were used to it. So she ordered, while you looked around, checking out the other people. A family of seven, five children, was trying to order food for everyone, but no one from the wait staff was paying attention to them. The dad looked ready to punch someone, the mother seemed exhausted. With a smile you went over to them.

“Hi, I couldn’t help but notice that you might need some help. May I?”, you asked, gesturing towards one of the waiters behind the bar.

The dad scoffed, but the mother gave you a grateful look.

“Yes please.”, she said, trying to tame her youngest, who was pulling at her pant leg.

You elbowed past two guys, seemingly just hanging out by the bar, and then yelled for the waiter, who was standing two feet away.

“Hey, there’s a family over here who would like to order. If you take their order RIGHT NOW, you’ll get a nice tip from me.”

The waiter’s head whipped around at the word ‘tip’. Meanwhile the entire mob of people around you stared at you. You gave an awkward smile.

There was a guy at the end of the bar, who had been talking to his friend, but now his eyes were on you, looking curious. He scratched his arm absentmindedly as he watched you. He was incredibly handsome and, judging by his expensive looking jumper, from out of town. For a moment you stared back, then you felt someone’s presence next to you. The waiter had walked over with the biggest smile on his face.

“You called.”, he said simply.

You barely kept from rolling your eyes. Instead you waved the mother over so she could order. You didn’t dare look back towards Mr. Handsome.

Keep reading

On History and Dinner

Summary: A non athletic!Jack fic, where grad student and history nerd, Jack Zimmermann meets the cute Samwell student/baker Eric Bittle at the Bread and Butter Bakery.  Picks up right after On History and Pie.  Jack takes a chance and meets Bitty for dinner. It’s their first date.  A collaboration with the wonderful @zim-tits​ featuring her lovely artwork. Also on AO3

Bitty was closing up shop for the evening at Bread and Buttery Bakery when he heard a small tap. Lardo smiled as she looked through the large picture window and saw who was standing on the other side.

“It’s your boy, Bitty,” she said.

He glanced and saw Jack standing outside as he waved shyly.

Chowder unlocked and opened the door. “Welcome! Come on in.”

“Thanks,” Jack said as he came in slowly, looking at Bitty with a soft smile.

Bitty closed the register and smiled in return as he walked from behind the counter toward Jack.

“Hi, Jack.”

“Hi, Eric. Bitty.”

The two wordlessly stared at one another, smiling. Lardo, taking pity on them, cleared her throat, “Uh, Chowder, can you help me with something in back?”

Chowder frowned disappointed he wasn’t going to be able to watch.

“Sure, Lardo.”

“You came,” Bitty said. “Thanks for that. Thanks for trusting me.”

“My uncle says… well, never mind, but I’m the one that should be saying thanks – for the shortbread. It was really good.”

“Really good? I was aiming for so amazing it would make you wanna slap your mama but then again, I’m sure you love your mama, so really good will do.”

Jack laughed softly, “I do. So, are you… that is… if you’re still interested…”

“Jack, would you like to go grab something to eat?”

Jack smiled, relieved that Bitty had taken the lead.

“Yes, I’d like that.”

Keep reading

Enough

Jealous Kurt

Kurt x reader

Masterlist

Originally posted by extraordinaryxmen

The pair of you often received looks when you were out together, varying from, curiosity to pity all the way through to disgust, it wasn’t something that really bothered Kurt too much anymore, after all he had lived his entire life this way, it wasn’t exactly a new thing for him, but it never failed to break his heart a little, each time they were aimed at y/n. She certainly didn’t deserve such treatment, but after months of reassurance y/n had managed to convince him that the occasional stare could never dampen the joy that she felt when she was with him.

Kurt reminded himself of this as the pair continued their peaceful stroll to the cosy restaurant, not too far from their home. Sensing his unease, y/n gave his three fingered hand a light squeeze, he offered her a slight smirk in return, before opening the door for her.

“table for two?’ the greeter asked as they approached the waiting area, ‘yes, thank you’ Kurt answered politely, before they were lead to a table, where a waiter pulled out y/n’s chair, as Kurt was going to the same. Kurt shook off his slight twinge of annoyance, settling himself down, and offering his lovely date a smile, allowing the points of his teeth to poke free, from his full blue lips, over the top of his menu.

The waiter soon returned, placing a long fingered hand on y/n’s shoulder while she placed her order, that same spark of annoyance mixed with a drop of putrid green jealously grew in kurts chest, as the undeniably attractive waiter flirted shamelessly with his partner, despite y/n reaching her delicate hand out to find kurts on top of the table, placing her hand over his.

Eventually he took his leave, sending a wink over his shoulder, which only added to the foul potion currently brewing in kurts chest. Y/n began stroking patterns on his hand, ‘are you alright sweetheart?’ he asked, his thick accent full of concern, at the sadness in her usual bright eyes. “oh, sorry, that waiter just made me feel a bit uncomfortable, I know I’m being silly.’ She murmured, Kurt furrowed his brow, ‘you’ve got nothing to apologize for darling, he was being inappropriate.’ He exclaimed slightly louder than he had intended, a light lavender blush spreading across his cheeks, as he checked over his shoulder to see if anybody else heard. Thankfully the members of staff were either chattering amongst themselves or bustling about, clearing tables.

Y/n gave him a light giggle at his actions, a welcome sound to kurts pointed ears. The pair chatted amicably, their hands still together, as they waited for their food.

The food arrived without much incident, aside from a slightly husky ‘enjoy’ from the waiter. The food was mouth-watering, perfectly prepared pasta carbonara, with deliciously creamy sauce.

After the couple had just about licked their plates clean, the waiter rather quickly reappeared asking a little too suggestively for kurts liking if y/n would like anything else, or if she was ready to go home.

Kurt desperately tried to push his jealousy down, gritting his teeth as he ground out a ‘no thank you, just the bill please.’ The waiter seemed to have finally pieced together that the pair were a couple when he came back to give them their bill, noticing kurts blue hand clasping y/n’s.

“you could do so much better, a pretty little thing like you with a freak like him’ he snorted maliciously, Kurt just about leapt out of his seat, drawing himself up to his full height, barring his pointed teeth and letting out a low growl, only for y/n to step between them, after calmly placing the money on the table.

“theirs nobody better than this gentleman, thank you for the meal, it was lovely, though I think you could improve on the treatment of your customers.’ Her voice was deadly calm, and was uttered with a threatening smirk on her beautiful face, before she took kurts hand, and walked proudly out of the restaurant together.

 

Have a great day and be safe

THIS IS MY FIRST SMUT AND I HAVE NO SHAME.


Levi wasn’t the most patient man. Even he knew this. So, why on earth did he get a job as a waiter? Oh. That’s right. Eren said it may help with his people skills but, to be honest, it was probably the worst suggestion ever. Levi thought that literally anything was better than this. Screaming kids, fussy, indecisive, troublesome customers and the most horrendous of all, the dirty cooking untensils that would be left in the sink at the end of the night.

It was currently midnight, Levi was meant to finish his shift two hours ago however, the amount of customers said otherwise. They came rushing in like Niagra Falls;quick and neverending. He scrubbed every single inch of the restaurant until it was completely spotless, it smelled like fresh lemon. He washed each and every knife and fork by hand and then put them in the dishwasher to ensure they were 100% clean. He even pushed the boat out and vaccuumed the restaurant, every. Single. Corner.

As tempted as he was to crash out on a table, he couldn’t. He needed to go home to his wonderful boyfriend, Eren. He sloppily grabbed his key to lock up the restaurant even though it didn’t matter to him whether or not it got robbed. What he really cared about was being able to drive without falling asleep. Just as he sat down in his car, his phone buzzed. Oh, a text from Eren. Well…not quite a text. More of a picture. Levi texted back.

“Not tonight, baby. My muscles ache and I’m exhausted”

He put his phone down, fastened his seatbelt and set off for home.

It had been 15 minutes which seemed like an hour and Levi was finally home. All of the lights downstairs were off so it was likely that Eren was upstairs. As Levi made his way upstairs, he could smell something sweet. It almost smelled like a cake batter scented Yankee Candle. The bathroom door was open and Eren had just finished running a bath for Levi, he swished his hand in the water to make sure the temperature was perfect.

“Oh, you’re just in time, sweetheart”
Eren brought Levi a towl that had just came out of the dryer.

“Thank you,Eren.” Levi smiled and kissed Eren on the cheek

The bath was relaxing, not so much for his aching muscles but for his mind. It had been at least 30 minutes. Levi pulled out the plug and dried himself off before he turned into a raisin. He wrapped the towel around his waist and walked to the bedroom to get ready for bed.

Eren was sat up, back against the headboard, indulging in a book. Until Levi came in.

“Aw baby… whats the matter?”

“Today was a stressful day at work and my joints are so stiff” he made a throaty groan.

His joints weren’t the only thing that was stiff.

Eren crawled over to Levi and began to rub his shoulders in circular motions.

“So, what else happened at work hmm?” Eren continued to rub Levi’s shoulders. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“God! The rudest couple came in today. No please or thank you. And they had the audacity to ‘oi’ me. AND on top of that-mmm”

“Is everything okay, baby?”

“Yeah…that just feels really good…”

Levi started to relax and with that, his neck loosened up. Eren slowly started to kiss his neck. Sloppy but passionate kisses. His hands moved down to Levi’s torso for a bit more stability and to also get a feel of his boyfriends abs. They were like white chocolate. Wonderful to look at.

Levi’s breathing picked up.

“Lie down.”

Eren gave Levi a light push and with that, his towel conveniently unravelled. Eren removed his long sleeved v-neck and his sweat pants and climbed onto Levi. He resumed to rubbing Levi’s torso and gradually moved down.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll make sure you forget you’re in pain.” The couple gave eachother the same lustful look.

Eren gently grabbed onto Levi’s erection. He used his thumb to lightly massage the tip. Levi was becoming impatient. He was still relaxed from the massage so his head rolled back onto the sheets, he couldn’t even open his eyes.

Eren finally stopped teasing Levi. He hoisted himself off of Levis lap and stood at the edge of the bed. He grabbed Levi’s legs and pulled him forward a bit, just for easier access.

He pumped his own erection a few times and then he began to enter. He pushed the tip in just to tease Levi. He decided to wind Levi up just a little more.

“Oops. Silly me, I forgot a condom, excuse me a second.” He smirked.

“Ugh Eren! Please! Just hurry up. I need you right now.”

Eren rolled the condom on. It was the type with the ridges. Just for extra pleasure.

“Goddamnit! How long does it take to put on a- Ufft”

And it starts.

Eren held Levi’s hips as he slowly stroked backwards and forwards.

“Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

“Mmm…yeah”

Levi’s facial muscles began to tense and with that, Eren’s strokes became much faster as he infused all of his energy into it.

Although men weren’t great at multi-tasking, Eren tried. He leaned forward and gave Levi an open mouthed kiss. He was breathing extreamly heavily so he did his best to breath through his nose.

“Oh my God! EREN! Please, don’t stop…” he said between breaths.

“I didn’t plan on doing so” he smirked again.

He loved watching Levi squirm helplessly beneath him, it was like a blessing. He was the one responsible for Levi’s reactions.

“Eren! I’m gonna- I’m gonna-”

Levi’s back started to arch. Squirming uncontrollably.

Another throaty moan.

Inhale. Exhale.

“Did my baby enjoy himself? Did daddy do a good job tonight?”

Levi caught his breath.

“Yeah… daddy did great”

waiter: how’s everyone enjoying their food tonight
me: this tastes like semen
waiter: oh my. my apologies, i can get you a diff–
me: no. bring me more