I Don't Cry - Bucky x reader
Warning: the most angsty thing I’ve ever written in my entire life
Pairing: Bucky x OC [reader]
Word count: 961
A/N: brb hitting my head on a wall for doing this to myself while I’m sick
“Don’t start crying now,” you teased him as you pressed the alcohol dipped cotton onto his gash. He flinched slightly, but kept his smirk on his face.
“Darling, I don’t cry,” he scoffed proudly, shooting you a cheeky grin.
“We’ll see about that, Barnes.” You smiled back at him, clearing up the blood around his wound.
“You’ll regret saying that when you realise I don’t cry, [Y/L/N],” he retorted, making you both laugh as you shook your head at him.
“No,” he whispered as his stomach dropped at the sight in front of him. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t.
“It’s okay to cry sometimes, Bucky. It’s good to let it out once in a while.” Your eyebrows were knitted together as you rubbed circles onto his back. You hated the fact that he still got nightmares.
He of all people shouldn’t be put through all this torture which made him believe he was a monster, something he never could be.
He shook his head determinedly as he tried to regain control of his breathing.
“I don’t cry.”
“Hey there Buck.” You forced a smile onto your face, feeling your energy leaving your body slowly with every action.
“No, no, NO. You will NOT die on me, you hear me?” he dropped down onto his knees, tearing out the sleeve of his shirt to apply pressure to the gunshot.
“Bucky.” You cringed at the pain, feeling a numb feeling take over slowly. “It’s okay.”
“You are going to be fine. You have to be,” he stated more to himself as he shook slightly.
“Bucky.” He looked at you with desperation in his eyes. He couldn’t lose you. “It’s okay.”
“Oh my God, I’m so so sorry.” You jumped over the counter you had just hidden behind. He was on the floor, hands on his sensitive parts as he groaned and muttered profanities under his breath.
“Fuck, are you okay?” You crouched besides him. It wasn’t your fault technically. He was the one to surprise you in the kitchen at 1 in the morning. You had swiftly turned around and kicked him where the sun doesn’t shine, before jumping over the counter to the other side.
“Definitely not,” he mumbled, face down. It took all your power not to giggle at what was happening, but you failed as a small laugh escaped your lips.
“Are you seriously laughing at my pain?” He turned slightly so his one eye was looking at you, an eyebrow raised.
“Is Sergeant James Barnes going to cry because [Y/N] kicked him in the hotdog?” You grinned, clutching onto his hand as you helped him get off the ground.
“Haha, nice try.” He rolled his eyes at you. “But I don’t cry, sweetheart.”
He could hear Steve yelling over the comms, trying to figure out what the he’ll had happened, but he could only focus on you.
“Shoulda kicked him in the balls while I had the chance, eh? That probably would have hurt that sniper more than this.” You tried to lighten the situation up, smiling slightly.
“Stop trying to make this situation better because you think you’re going to die. You’re not, you get it? I’m not letting you leave me,” he snapped as he bit his lip, watching you pout a bit.
“It’s my time, James. You gotta go when you gotta go,” you sighed a bit, feeling the pain starting to reduce.
“NO, IT IS NOT YOUR TIME. YOU HAVE TO-” His voice broke, making your heart clutch. “I-I was going to ask you on a date after this. You a-and me, at that milkshake place. I’d buy you your favourite and then we’d take a walk and I’d finally kiss you.” He released a sob, his vision going blurry.
“Of all the times I’ve asked you to cry, you picked now, you asshole.” You let out a laugh, feeling your heart swell up at the fact that he thought so much about this.
He gave a choked laugh, giving up on applying pressure, instead choosing to slide closer. His hands slipped behind you as he pulled you towards him in a hug, his body shaking.
“Come here, you big idiot.” You could feel the tears begin to streak down your face as the reality of you dying suddenly hit you. You tilted your head up, pressing your lips against his slowly. He responded immediately, letting out shaky breaths as your tears mixed with your lips.
You pulled away gently, feeling no pain anymore. Your vision was starting to fade as he cradled you closer, rocking back and forth slowly.
“Tell everyone I love them, and they were the best friends I’ve ever had, yeah?” You forced yourself to look at him. His brilliant blue eyes were red rimmed and blurry as he nodded. Dirt was streaked over his face from the fight you both were in, but he couldn’t have looked more beautiful in that moment to you. “Don’t tell them I love you more, though. Even if it’s true.”
“I love you so much,” he cried out, leaning his forehead against yours, pressing kisses on your temple desperately.
“You don’t cry because you’re weak, Bucky. It’s because you’ve been strong for too long.” It was growing darker and darker with every second as your eyes finally closed, but all you felt was peace. You were at peace and you were smiling. “And I’m so proud of you.”
You managed to say, just as he felt you take your last breath, your body beginning to limp against his. He gave a strangled cry, choking over his own sobs as he pulled your now cold body as tightly as he could towards him, hiccuping as he cried louder than he ever had before.
The rest of the team was behind him, the battle finally over, their eyes completely filled with tears as he didn’t notice any of them. They watched as he cried relentlessly, kissing your forehead every now and then as he muttered how much he loved you.
Everybody he loved eventually died and you had just joined that list.
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