oh my lord do i tag this

golf with friends, more like the Art of Poetry with dan and phil:

  • golf with friends, more like … golf with friend. golf with the only friend. 
  • doglove99
  • phil: ‘do you think golfers like clash their clubs together at the start of a match?’ dan: ’let’s do it.’
  • ‘go caddy lad, fetch me a beer,’ says phil (and can’t help thinking how this directly evokes dan in the first golf vid stating he’d only be into golf for the kink of someone cute carrying your stuff. they both have a caddy kink confirmed.)
  • dan: ‘i hope you’re ready for the most sophisticated series on youtube’ phil, basically interrupting him: ‘ooo, glowing balls!’
  • hole detected
  • ‘phil is going to swoop in with his masterful stroke,’ says phil, about himself
  • you get the smooth action from dan, and the jumpy action from me
  • phil: *moans* dan: yeah, someone’s gonna take that with no video for their youtube poop
  • phil: ‘yes, come on, tease it’ dan: ‘tease it? you make me so uncomfortable with your golf banter’
  • ballclash.com
  • ah for foks seek
  • shhhhhhhhhhackles
  • dan: ’motherfluffer, you nudged me there a bit’ phil: *immediately goes full northern, maybe even scottish* ‘i didn’t nudge anyone. take me to court.’
  • dan: ‘i’ve lost this one’ phil: ‘i’m filled with joy and elation’
  • dan: *is taking forever to get in the hole* phil: ‘i should ask my ball to do a little jigsaw puzzle in there cause it’s got nothing to do’
  • it’s a rim. pacific rim. specific rim.
  • absolute floppy ding dong
  • i’m on the edge of the rim
  • if you touch me, i swear to god
  • phil: ‘this is gonna be slow and steady’ dan: ‘wins the nothing, idiot’
  • ‘hole six, hope you’ve had your weetabix’ ‘hole six, look out for phil’s tricks’
  • oh my god i’m on a mission and i’m dead i’m doomed what the hell is happening
  • phil: ‘i just strained my groin cause i got too into it’ dan: ’stretch before you play golf, guys’
  • watch this. taste this.
  • your mum’s narrowing
  • haha nudged ya ;)
  • that was quite sexual
  • you absolute twat bucket
  • phil: ‘it looks like we’re in the barrel of a gun. oh my god. this is crazy’ dan: ‘i am immensely shooketh’
  • phil: ‘that was beautiful. they’ll play that in slow motion at my funeral’ dan: ‘this was when phil peaked’ phil: ‘yeah. it literally was’
  • fuck what the fuck are you fucking kidding me are you actually kidding me
  • full whacky tubey wee woo
  • i’m just gonna go snuggle some mushrooms next to the hole
  • is this thing the barrel of doom? is this where they make all the alcohol?
  • full whack full whack go
  • bonk spunk
  • i believe i can fly
  • boom boom shit let me hear you say shit i fucked up
  • math don’t fail me now! math failed me again
  • this is the big bounce you ready for this?
  • absolute full whack? oh my god, you mad lad
  • awwww floppy dild
  • mm double bogey, no presh amazingphil
  • oh for god’s sake, why do you hate me lord?
  • i’m gonna slowly just pootle along here
  • phil: ‘should i risk it?’ dan: ‘for a biscuit’
  • it’s not about the competition, it’s about spending good time with friends … and our caddy lad, derek.
  • become a caddy lad today

uh my hand slipped while I was yelling about this


I dont know why I did this 

Edible Arrangements

(Hilly knows a couple things as a tadpole. He knows there’s probably a lax bro hitting on him, and that Bitty’s super-secret boyfriend may or may not be a middle-age lumberjack sugar daddy.)

Hilly knows a few things about Samwell’s hockey dynamics. He knows he is a tadpole; he initially expects to be hazed to the ground and forced to eat dog food or something like his roommate, who is currently rushing a frat. He expects the Haus to be dirty and filled to the brim with red cups and sticky floorboards. He also knows not to hang out with the lax team because Ransom and Holster said so, even though a cute boy who he thinks is from the lax team winked at him in his Intro to Anthropology class. He knows that NHL’s very own Jack Zimmermann, son of ‘Bad Bob’ Zimmermann and legendary hockey extraordinaire, is a Samwell alumni, and had slept in the very room which Chowder, their goalie, currently inhabits.  

But Hazeapalooza turns out to be nothing as bad as he expects (he even gets homemade pie out of it, even if Holster gives him the side-eye). And the Haus is cleaner than a sports frat house should be. The hockey team is nice (and surprisingly socially aware) and Hilly likes Samwell fair enough, but he misses home sometimes.

But Bitty makes things better. Hilly likes Bitty a lot. He likes hanging around the Haus and watching Bitty roll pastry dough with a practiced, methodical hand because it reminds him of how his mom used to bake cookies for him and his sister. Bitty doesn’t mind too much (he thinks) that Hilly may want to go on a date with a lax bro. Bitty bakes him peach cobbler with crumbles toasted a golden brown and talks about his family’s jam recipes. Bitty is open and warm and welcoming. However, the one thing Bitty doesn’t talk much about is his boyfriend.

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thoughts at 2 a.m. ♢ all there is to think about when i’m awake (listen on spotify)

i. touch | shura ii. gemini feed | banks iii. sleepover | hayley kiyoko iv. lost tonight | saje v. fall harder | fractures vi. pink skies | lany vii. the louvre | lorde viii. arcadia | the kite string tangle ix. plans | oh wonder x. cool blue | the japanese house xi. nothin on my mind | astronomyy xii. do you remember | jarryd james & raury

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I was still trying to doodle him and then I started playing around with the color adjustment. 

Socks and Showers

Originally posted by sensualkisses

A/N: This is my first Chris Evans fic and my first slightly smutty fic too, so…sorry? just a drabble-ish thing

Summary: Chris decides to surprise you with the Captain America leather jacket. Only the leather jacket.
Got this idea from a discussion with @peterparkers-glasses so blame her.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: suggestive themes, implied smut, innuendo, smutty themes, nothing too hardcore? no actual smut oops sorry. just a whole lotta dry humping, teasing, and making out. 

Rating: I’d say M. NC-17. ya know. 

Word Count: 900

I swung open the door to my apartment after a long day at work, looking to just shower and snuggle up to my giant man puppy and nap forever. I shuffled in, dropping my bags on the floor with a dramatic sigh, trying to get the attention of my boyfriend. My feet hurt so bad and I was in desperate need of a shower.

“Chris!” I called into the apartment, only to notice a pair of broad shoulders clad in warm brown leather facing away from me. “Babe, why are you wearing your Steve Rogers leather jacket?”

He turned around slowly, smirking at me. He quirked an eyebrow as I took in the chiseled and randomly bare perfection that is his torso.

“Babe, why are you shirtless under your leather jacket?” I giggled, wandering into the apartment further to investigate those abs.

“Actually,” he began, walking out from behind the high counter, “I’m naked under my leather jacket.”

My eyes instantly dropped down to where  he stood in only his coat and a pair of wool socks. Yeah, I needed a shower.

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Lyanna Stark Concepts

And done! So these are two AU concepts for Lyanna, one where she raises Jon at Winterfell (Restless) and one where she leaves him with Ned and leaves, becoming a sellsword on Essos (Beyond the Sea). Not saying these are AU’s I’m gonna write (but I could… but anyway you gotta name them, right?) but honestly I just love to explore the idea of Lyanna as a warrior, that’s my jam, and in two paths that are very contrasting. But yeah, more musing about these AU’s on the lineart post

Okay so for the first AU her gear is basically a Stark doublet, but something with more freedom of movement as this Lyanna banks on her agility rather than strength (So yeah shes a rogue ;D) more freedom of movement. Her dress on the other hand is pretty but unremarkable, something perfectly acceptable for a noble lady, but it’s clear she doesn’t pay much attention to what she has to wear, compared to what she usually wears, her Stark armor. There’s an attention to detail there she puts, like the blue of her scarf and tunic (I mean Lyanna and blue, you GOTTA)

The other AU is a far more reckless and tired Lyanna, who is if anything a good killer; a Daario Naharis but without the showboating. Her tunic is old and ratty, everything muted greys and browns, the only hint of personality the blue of her undershirt and the bandana with the fangs, the only think that reminds her she is/was a Stark. This is what she wears to kill, serviceable and nondescript, but want to do another one, depending where she is in this AU (Braavos? Pentos? don’t know for now)

Weekly Fanfic Recommendations 147

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

we need to talk about this bc oh lord, how ??? anyway heres another fic rec, i hope you all are surviving the week!!! 

do check out my selling post with the tag #fafsells

lets start~

1) Tasty Tryst

by @jeonjagiya

a taehyung x y/n fic 


strawberry farmer au 

( this plot is so good, please do read it ) 

its been in your tradition to sell your family’s famous fruit preserves using the recipe from your grandmother but somehow this year’s farmer’s market makes you wonder why isnt your preserves selling out as usual but it seems like taehyung knows why and he’s willing to help you using his fruits, especially those damn strawberries

2) You Look Like You Need A Drink

by @jeonjagiya

a yoongi x y/n fic 


you just had a bad week and to be honest you just wanted it to end, but somehow you managed to stumble into a bar to meet a handsome young bartender

3) Manners

by @lilyjhs

a jimin x y/n fic 


its time jimin starts teaching you some manners 

4) fuckboy

by @yooyugyeommie

a jungkook x y/n fic 


fuckboy au 

5) Vixen

by @emboyz

a taehyung x y/n fic


( the plot twist was good ahHH )

6) The Devil Himself

by @jhopehatesnakeu

a namjoon x  y/n fic 

ongoing series with 2 parts to 

tutor au 

failing math class has made you lose almost all hope from passing and a high chance of retaking it during next semester but your teacher decides to help you out and get you a tutor, who you were definitely fond of but you would give it a try, and boy were you loving the tutor 

7) Lowkey

by @rapmonluv

a jungkook x y/n fic 


you were an art student and today’s class is drawing real people and that person just seems to be jungkook, and he’s nude. 


8) Begin Again

by @tayegi

a yoongi x y/n fic 

ongoing series with part one out 

being divorced was something you had a difficulty adapting to but you decided its time to let go and you knew who to call for help, none other than yoongi 

this is all for this fic rec, another one up soon~ 

Lgbt+ needs


I just want shirt (sorry this is for girlsxgirls) that says

“No boyfriend, no problem.
that’s why i’ve got a girlfriend.”

Like please someone make this????


@messedupsemicolon just to make it easier for ya

Hit From Hell

Becca_Bae93 Has Signed On

Becca_Bae93: Hey, what’s taking you all so long? ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

AngelWriter999 Has Signed On

AngelWriter999: rude Bec

Becca_Bae93: Boo hoo, Angel. I wanna see who won the hits count up! (◕‿◕✿)

EsterAndrews Has Signed On

AmiableJinx Has Signed On

AmbiableJinx: Oh please you’re only doing it because you KNOW you won this week.

EsterAndrews: You don’t know that for sure, I did really well this week too!

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anonymous asked:

Can we also talk about how Bakugou went from "weird haired guy" to "Kirishima. Change of plans". Oh man I didn't realize how much I missed the anime *cries*

BOI CAN’T WE I just spent the whole morning crying over seeing the moment Bakugou recognizes Kirishima as an equal animated nbd at all r i p me - I think this might be the first time Bakugou calls anyone by their name, actually, and I just!!! that’s because Bakugou heard Kirishima’s words and recognized him as a good partner and a worthy hero and someone whom he could respect and I’m gonna be grateful for chapter 133 for the insight on this for the rest of my always I !!!!!! have feelings g a h

Anon said: ok ok ok ok but but listen what about BAKGOU AND OCHAKO they are the most popular couple and the most cutest , i think you should try to draw them once i would love love to see this !!! of course just if you want hehe thanx

Ahhh sorry anon but I really don’t ship that - I mean, it’s true that I ship Bakugou with a bunch of people aside from my main two, but if they’re part of Deku’s group you can fairly assume they’re not between my Bakugou ships? And I only romantically ship Uraraka with Deku, Tsuyu and Iida anyway so! You’re probably not gonna see any romantic baku/ocha from me, sorry o<-<

Anon said: Since we know what Bakugou’s parents are like, what do you think Kirishima’s parents are like?

I have a similar ask somewhere asking about Kaminari’s parents as well, so I guess I’ll answer both here?? As a general rule I don’t really like making headcanons over stuff I’m sure the manga will give me in the future, so I can’t say I’ve thought about this too much - there are a few things I work under the assumption of while drawing, like for example I’m taking for granted they both have at least functional families, considering Aizawa personally visited their homes to ask their guardians about allowing them back to school, and if anything had been weird he would have noticed

I like to think Kaminari got his quirk straight from one of his two parents with no mixing happening, and got the Kaminari surname from them as well, but that’s all I ever allowed myself to settle on as far as Kami’s family goes, everything else changes based on what I need for the current scenario I’m thinking about… I do often end back on him being an only child, though - in the same way depending on how angst or lighthearted I want it to be my ideas for Kirishima’s family change a lot, but generally I think I mostly fall back on the idea of him having a big family? In a scenario like that his parents are kind and love him a lot, but having many children and needing to split their attention on all of them might cause them to overlook him a little (it would explain his obsession with being flashy, for me) then again, who knows? I don’t know how canon you can consider the infos SMASH gives, but in one of the strips Kiri mentions working part-time, and the fact that he doesn’t seem to have problems with money kinda makes me believe he might be independent from his family like that (unless he’s a rich kid, also very entertaining as a possiblity)

I’ve seen a lot of headcanons floating around about both of these guys’ families and possibly being related to villains, that would be cool too, though I’m not sure how much I believe it

I’m sorry this ended up being little to no useful at all lol as I said, I just shift between scenarios a lot - imagine settling on one and growing attached and then having to let it go once Hori proves it wrong, that’d be terrible for me

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  • Hamilton: Then I said "Well, I should head back home"; she turned red, she led me to her bed, let her legs spread.
  • Me: Hoe don't do it.
  • Hamilton: That's when I began to pray: Lord, show me how to say no to this. I don't know how to say no to this. But my god she looks so helpless, and her body's saying "hell yes".
  • Me: Hoe don't do it.
  • Hamilton: Then her mouth is on mine, and I don't say: "No! Go!"
  • Me: HOE DON'T DO IT.
  • Hamilton: I wish I could say that was the last time, I said that last time, it became a pastime.
  • Me: OH MY GOD.

please save this fluffy man

Lunchtime Drabble: Searching the Ship, Part 3

Lunchtime Drabble: Searching the Ship, Part 3
Word Count: 516
Warnings: Fluff mostly, I’m pretty much just having fun with this story now. (Parenthesis are Jim’s thoughts.) [Brackets are Bones’ thoughts.]

Originally posted by helgabrook

Bones grabbed the tricorder and scanned her head. [Everything seems normal at first glance.]

“Well I’m glad for that but what about a second glance?” she said still staring at the wall ahead of her.

“Glad for what, Y/N?” Bones asks.

“Glad that everything seems normal.” She said, looking confused up at Bones.

“I didn’t say that out loud, I just thought it.” Bones raise one eyebrow in an impressive Spock imitation.

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hummingbird heartbeat - pt32

They slept in the next morning, and when Bitty woke up, he was surprised to see that it was nearing noon. The heavy curtains in Kent’s room kept both light and heat at bay, despite the hot sunshine in Las Vegas. Kent was still curled up in bed, and he barely stirred when Bitty slipped out to go to the bathroom.

Down in the kitchen, Bitty took out things for coffee, setting Kent’s Hockey Hall of Fame mug on the counter next to a chipped Harry Potter one. After the boiled water sat for a minute, he poured it over the coffee grounds and left it to sit with a timer. Bitty wandered back into the living room and took a moment to stand by the back doors, staring out at the yard. The sun was bright over Kent’s meticulously arranged succulent and cactus garden.

Lord, what a mess.

He hadn’t checked in with Jack again. Staring out at the only lavender succulent in Kent’s whole garden, Bitty sighed a little. He was probably fine. Right? Jack would be fine. And he probably didn’t really want Bitty to check on him.

He startled when Kent slid an arm around his waist. “Hey, you,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of Bitty’s neck. “You look contemplative.”

“Lord, I didn’t know you were up!” Bitty relaxed a little, letting out a soft breath.

Kent laughed a little, voice still rough from sleep. “You weren’t in bed. I woke up.”

“Good morning, honey,” Bitty said, leaning back against Kent’s bare chest. He was warm.

“Well, kind of,” Kent said. He kissed Bitty’s shoulder before pulling away to answer the kitchen timer. When he returned, he handed Bitty the Harry Potter mug, now full of steaming coffee.

“Did you sleep okay?” Bitty asked.

“Like the dead,” said Kent. Retrieving his own mug of coffee, he took a sip. “Did you?”

“Yes,” Bitty said. “I was really tired, I guess.” He joined Kent at the table, sitting down and wrapping his hands around his mug. “What did you want to do today?”

“The boyfriend tag on YouTube,” Kent said. “Watch trash television. Be with you.” He paused. “I have to go in for a bit, probably as soon as I finish this. Optional skate.” Kent took a long drink of his coffee.

How was it possible that Bitty hadn’t thought of doing the boyfriend tag? “Oh!” He laughed. “Yes! Oh my Lord, I can’t believe we haven’t –”

“– Done it already? I know . That’s why I wanted to do it while you were here.” Kent grinned. “I figure we’ll do mine first, then yours. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Bitty said. “Unless we do mine next time you visit me.”

The corner of Kent’s mouth quirked in a smile. “Okay.” He glanced back at the kitchen. “Fuck, I gotta eat. And get dressed.”

“Eggs?” Bitty asked.

“Whites,” said Kent. “And peppers. And stuff.” He loved to scramble things together in one skillet.

“And meat,” Bitty said.

“I guess,” said Kent.

“You’re too skinny again,” Bitty said. Kent opened his mouth to protest and Bitty shook his head. “I know you lose weight in season, but you need to eat to keep it on. Okay?”

“God,” said Kent, “you sound like Jeff. Fine! Fine. I’ll put sausage in it.”

Bitty leaned over, kissing Kent’s cheek. “Thank you, honey.”

Soon they were both in the kitchen, pop music playing quietly in the background as Bitty chopped vegetables while Kent cooked turkey sausage in a pan. Before sitting down with his plate, Kent glanced at the clock. “Gotta eat fast,” he said.

Bitty put a forkful in his mouth, nodding. “Got it,” he said.

Kent paused. “Um,” he said.

“What is it?” Bitty asked, not looking up from his plate, where he was scooting eggs onto his toast.

“Do you want to come?” Kent asked.

Bitty almost dropped his fork.

“It’s family practice,” Kent said. “So a lot of the guys will bring their kids and stuff…”

Family practice. Everyone who met Bitty would meet him as someone who was, at least, close to Kent. “Yeah,” said Bitty. “If you want me to come, I’d love to.”

It would be his first time meeting the whole team. When they got to the arena, Kent frowned as he parked his car. “Why’d Chris bring the baby so early?” he muttered, opening his car door.

Opening his own door, Bitty saw Christopher Troy holding a small child in one arm, ushering two other children out of an SUV. Kent was already walking over, hands held out as the baby reached for him.

“What’re you doing here?” Kent asked the baby as he took him from Christopher. He pressed a kiss to the child’s forehead before settling him onto one hip. “Hiya, Teddy.”

“Oh, thank god. Bethany’s puking,” Christopher said. “And since both our normal sitters are here, I had to bring the kids early.” He grinned, and Bitty was struck by how very much Christopher looked like Jeff.

Kent laughed a bright, bubbly laugh. Teddy stroked the side of Kent’s face and he turned his head, murmuring something Bitty couldn’t hear. He looked perfect . God, why was Bitty’s stomach all hot? Was he really that affected by the sight of Kent with a baby?


“It’ll be fine,” Christopher said. His car chirped as he hit the button to lock the doors. “C’mon, guys! Go inside! Oliver – put that – don’t pick that up,” he said, lunging for a skinny boy in glasses and a chemistry t-shirt who was reaching for something on the asphalt. “Why don’t you go see if Uncle Jeff’s here already?” Christopher asked.

A girl who looked to be about ten had spotted Bitty, and she was already heading over. “Who’re you?” she asked. She had a different color of glitter nail polish on each nail and Christopher’s same thick, dark hair.

“Juli, I said inside,” Christopher said.

“Eric’s my friend,” said Kent. He glanced at Christopher, who already had a small, smug smile on his face. “Shut up.”

Bitty followed the kids inside, staying a step behind Kent as they walked in. How were they going to manage three little kids and have practice? He chewed on the inside of his mouth as he walked.

They were quite a spectacle, pushing into the dressing room with a diaper bag and sparkly backpack and three small children.

“What, you forget your wife?” asked De los Santos, the backup goalie.

“Mommy’s puking,” said Julianna.

“Gross,” he said. “So we’re stuck with you, eh?” He ruffled Julianna’s hair with a hand, smiling softly.

“I can watch them,” Bitty said, edging just a little closer to Kent. The nervousness in his stomach, tight and cold, was making him nauseated.

“Oh!” Christopher turned to him. “Are you sure?”

“I love kids,” he said. They’d be a great distraction.

“Who is –”

“This is my friend, Eric,” Kent said, shifting Teddy on his hip. “He plays college hockey. And he made that peanut butter pie I brought you guys a while back.”

“Y’all can call me Bitty.” Bitty smiled. “All my friends do.”

“Oh, fuck,” said Jeeves, “that pie was the best thing ever.”

Language !” Christopher turned to Bitty. “It was good, though. Did you bring another one?”

“I didn’t know I needed to bring pie,” Bitty said.

“Oh, cool.” One of the Aces rookies was eyeing Bitty through narrowed eyes. “Where do you play?”

“Samwell,” said Bitty.

“Parse finally brought someone to family skate? That’s wild,” said Jeeves, pushing past Christopher. “Dude, why are your progeny here?”

“Bethany’s sick,” Christopher said.

“I got this,” said Bitty. “Y’all go ahead and get ready.” He glanced at Kent. “Give him to me, yeah?”

Kent was a little hesitant to release Teddy, but after a moment he relented. “He pulls hair,” he said.

“That’s okay,” said Bitty, settling Teddy onto his hip as a tiny fist curled around the fabric of his shirt. He glanced at Julianna. “Y’all wanna go put on some skates and show me some moves? I bet you’re faster than your dad.”

“You should ask Eric for moves,” Kent said, already lacing up a skate. “He used to be a figure skater.”

Really ?” Julianna whipped around, staring at Bitty.

“Really,” he said, feeling warmer already.

“Why don’t you help me watch tape, Ollie?” Jeff had entered the locker room, dropping his bag down beside Kent with practiced ease.

“Okay,” Oliver said. “I’ll tell you where you messed up.”

“You really are your father’s son, you know that?” Jeff ruffled Oliver’s hair. “C’mon, then.”

They ended up with Bitty on one end of the ice, holding Teddy, while Julianna showed him things she’d learned and begged for him to show her spins. The Aces were mostly down on the other end, working on things individually or in pairs. Kent seemed to be focusing on endurance while Papadakis was doing… something… with De los Santos. It involved a lot of laughing. Most of the guys Bitty hadn’t met were doing off-ice things like watching tape with Jeff or working with trainers. It wasn’t much different from Samwell’s practices.

Sara waved at him when she arrived. Bitty had Juliana hold Teddy while he showed her the most basic spin he could remember. It felt good to be on the ice, even just fooling around with kids. He caught Kent looking at him a few times, and he put a little extra oomph into the next jump he demonstrated. For Julianna, of course.

Aces family day, it seemed, often involved a barbecue. Practice wrapped up early as family members began to arrive, filtering in a few at a time. Bitty found himself wrapped up in a conversation about the merits of pie versus cobbler with Coach Scott’s wife before he knew what was happening, and the time flew by. Teddy babbled at his side, a bright spot in every conversation. Kent introduced him to everyone, and while Bitty recognized a few of the suspicious looks he got from some of the players, everyone seemed happy that Kent had finally brought someone. Jeff avoided Bitty, taking care never to be in the same group conversation with him and finding convenient excuses to leave when Bitty approached.

He’d have to do something about that.

When he caught Oliver yawning, Christopher began to gather up his children. “We gotta go, guys,” he said. “Your mom’s lonely.”

“Aww, but I wanted to skate with Bitty some more,” said Julianna.

“I’m sure Bitty will come back,” Christopher said. All the same, he let Bitty help him out to the car with Teddy. Once he’d settled Teddy into his car seat, Bitty attempted to take a step back, stopping when he realized Teddy hadn’t turned him loose yet.

“Thanks for watching them today,” said Christopher. “It was cool of you. Teddy can be a handful.”

“Oh, it’s no big deal,” Bitty said, carefully detaching Teddy’s arms from his neck. “They’re adorable.”

“Bye, Pie!” said Teddy, waving. He was precious.

“Bye, Teddy,” Bitty said, wiggling his fingers.

They both showered when they got back to Kent’s house, Bitty taking the guest bathroom while Kent used his. When he stepped inside, Bitty saw a retainer sitting in a little case by the sink next to an electric toothbrush. The guest bathroom was quite different from Kent’s – less luxurious, more efficient. The soap in the shower was plain and, from the smell of it, hypoallergenic. Even the shampoo was basic, though it was at least pleasantly tingly on the scalp. When he stepped out, Bitty glanced at the toothbrush again, thinking.

Kent didn’t have a retainer.

He returned to Kent’s bedroom with damp hair, flopping onto the bed while he waited for Kent to get dressed. “What now?” Bitty asked.

“Boyfriend tag,” said Kent. He tugged a sweater on over his head. “And then whatever you want.”

Bitty sat up, grinning at Kent. “Perfect.”

Kent set pillows down on the floor in front of the bed. They both sat down, Kent draping his arm over Bitty’s shoulders as they settled in to film. He’d edit the video later to make sure it stayed anonymous enough, but Kent usually set his camera up in such a way that he didn’t have to do that much to his videos to achieve that. Bitty cleared his throat.

“Is it on?”

“Yeah. Ready?” Kent gripped his mug of tea. He was wearing a soft wine colored sweater, and it looked pretty next to Bitty’s light blue.

“Okay!” Bitty took a breath and snuggled closer. “Go.”

“All right,” Kent said, looking at the camera, “Okay! So, I’m here with my boyfriend –” he gestured to Bitty.

“Hey, y’all!” Bitty waved. “Oh – can the camera see my hands?” He hooked his thumbs together, wiggling his fingers. “Hm?”

“Yeah, it can. I’m gonna – what are you doing, is that a shadow puppet?”

“Yeah, look, see –” Bitty laughed, holding his hands out to the side. A butterfly shaped shadow fluttered on the mattress behind them.

“Oh my god. Anyway! I’m here! With my boyfriend –” Kent elbowed Bitty. “And we’re going to do the boyfriend tag!”

“We are,” Bitty said. “Big time. Boyfriend tag. Doing it.”

“I know a bunch of you guys have been asking me to do this for a while now, and we decided we’d finally take the time to go ahead, because…”

“Because we’re boys!” Bitty laughed. He sipped from his mug of tea, leaning back against the pillows.

“Yes,” said Kent, “we are boys. And we’re friends. So. Okay. Fine.” He held up his phone, looking at the question list before glancing at Bitty. “Where was I born?”

“Tonawanda, New York!” Bitty laughed. “At least, I think so. Because that’s where you grew up, right? So – yeah. Tonawanda.” He glanced at Kent, whose face was placid. “No?”

“Yes,” Kent laughed. “Tonawanda. I was born there and I grew up there, too.”

“Next question!” Bitty said, bumping Kent’s shoulder with his.

“All right.” Kent glanced at him. “When’s my birthday?”

“Fourth of July,” Bitty said. Looking at the camera, he grinned. “Easy.”

“Yes,” Kent said. “And your birthday is May fifth.”

“Yes, it is,” Bitty said. They both laughed.

Kent looked down at his phone again, scanning the list of questions. “Where did we meet?”

“On here,” Bitty said. “We met on YouTube.”

“Yeah,” Kent said, “and you messaged me first.”

“Well, y’know, you seemed like you could use a friend and –”

“– And you had a crush on me, right?”

Bitty laughed, feeling his neck heat with a blush. “Yeah, and I had a crush on you. Kind of.”

“Aw, babe. That’s so embarrassing.”

“Shut up!” Bitty swatted at Kent’s arm. “We’re adorable.”

“We so are.” Kent looked at his phone. “Okay. What kind of television shows do I watch?”

“Well,” Bitty said, “Sweetie, as you can tell by all the songs he covers, is a throwback hoe, so he likes old stuff.” He paused. “ The Golden Girls . And, like, Darkwing Duck .”

“Yes!” Kent laughed. “ The Golden Girls is the best!” He looked at Bitty’s face. “Oh, c’mon. You know you love it. I heard you say you liked Blanche best.”

“Lord,” said Bitty, rolling his eyes. “You think that just because she’s Southern, and – just move on!”

Kent scrolled through the list while Bitty sipped tea. “Ooh, okay. Who said I love you first?”

“I did,” Bitty said, rubbing Kent’s thigh. “But I think you almost did, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. I was just – you know, nervous.” He paused. “You know, I’ve only had like, one boyfriend before you, and I just…”

“He didn’t want to say it first,” Bitty said. “Huh?” He pressed a kiss to Kent’s cheek. “But there were a lot of times where you were like, ‘hey babe?’ and I’d be all ‘what’ and you’d just say something like ‘never mind’ or ‘have a good night’ or something.”

“I did do that,” Kent admitted, playing with a bit of Bitty’s hair.

They went through questions about their first date and their first kiss and some random questions about Kent’s favorite sandwich and how many covers he kept on the bed. When he got to questions that would be too revealing, Kent skipped over them. He didn’t ask any questions that would be answered with something related to hockey. “Where’s my family from?”

“Your mom is from Marseilles,” Bitty said. “France. Right?”

“Right,” Kent said. “My grandmother still lives there. I’ll take you some time, but you’re gonna have to work way harder on your French, because my grandmother won’t speak English to you. Okay, okay.” Kent looked at the list. “Uh – what’s my weirdest habit?”

“Oh Lord,” Bitty said. “You’re a left-to-right dresser.”


“Yeah, you –” He gestured at his left thigh. “You put all your clothes on left side first. Like, always .”

“Huh. I didn’t know I did that,” Kent said. He was looking down at his lap, a thoughtful expression on his face. “You know what? I guess I do.”

“Yeah, and you won’t let me sleep on the right side of the bed, either,” Bitty said.

“Okay, okay – next question!” Kent laughed. “Oh, man. All right. What color are my eyes?”

That was such an unfair question. “Your eyes change color all the time, honey,” Bitty said. “How am I supposed to answer this?”

“What does it say on my driver’s license?”

“How am I supposed to know?” He paused. “Hazel, I think.”

“Yeah, it is. I don’t think it’s right, but that’s what they put on there. Anyways, how do I take my coffee?” Kent asked.

“With enough milk to make it khaki,” Bitty said. “Unless you’re going to Starbucks and then I think you order some kind of stupid Americano thing that tastes like dirt.”

Kent scooted a little closer, settling his arm around Bitty again, fingers brushing the back of Bitty’s neck. “Am I a morning person or a –”

“No,” Bitty said, “you just force yourself to get up anyways.”

“And do I like the mountains or the beach better?”

“The mountains,” Bitty said. “You love the mountains.”

“Mmhmm.” Kent leaned closer. “Who’s my favorite YouTuber?”

Bitty grinned. “Me,” he said, and then Kent kissed him. “Mm – honey, you’re gonna get our faces on here –”

Kent wound his arms around Bitty’s waist. “I’ll edit it,” he said, one hand already sliding under the hem of Bitty’s sweater.

They ended up in the bed, clothes in a pile on the floor. As Kent straddled Bitty’s lap, cupping his face gently with both hands, Bitty swallowed. Kent pressed soft kisses to his forehead, pausing.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Bitty said. “I just – I think I just –” Why was he crying? His breath hitched.

“Oh, Eric.” Kent brushed a tear away with his thumb.

“I think I thought you wouldn’t want – this,” Bitty said. “After everything.” After Jack.

“I love you,” Kent said, “and this is everything I want.”

Bitty tangled his fingers into Kent’s hair, pulling him down into a hard kiss.

Kent was going to have to edit a lot out of that video.

That evening they cooked dinner together, both of them comfortable in Kent’s kitchen. His part of the meal finished, Bitty leaned against the counter, just watching as Kent peeled and sectioned lemons for a salad with a painful amount of precision. God, what if he’d messed this up? He could’ve made that night the last time he ever saw Kent. It was so –

“I can feel you looking at me,” Kent said.

“I like looking at you,” said Bitty.

Kent laughed.

“I do,” Bitty said. “Honey. I’m really so–”

“No,” Kent said, finally looking up. “Don’t. We’re both responsible for that.”

Me more than you . “But –”

“I said I’d do it,” Kent said. “You didn’t make me say that. All right?”

“Yes. That’s true. But I –”

“Do you wanna be with me?” Kent asked.

“Yes,” Bitty said. I want to make a life with you.

“Good. Because I wanna be with you.” Kent dumped his tiny lemon wedges into a bowl. He made it sound so simple. “So that’s settled, then.” He handed Bitty the bowl of salad. “Put this on the table.”

“Very well, Mr. Parson,” Bitty said, turning to walk away.

Kent made it sound so simple, and as he set the salad bowl on the table, it occurred to Bitty that maybe it was . Maybe love was a choice, consciously made. Maybe it wasn’t about always doing the right thing, about not making mistakes, about knowing every single thing your partner needed or wanted. Bitty had always thought of loving someone being like a peaceful river, but to Kent it was the ocean, storms and all.

Bitty had always loved the ocean.

After dinner, they curled up on the sofa together, Bitty’s back pressed up against Kent’s chest. They were both full and lazy, sprawled over the cushions with Kit purring above their heads. The swish of her tail stirred Bitty’s hair every so often, just enough to remind him that she was there.

“I think I’m gonna tell my friends,” Bitty said, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Oh,” said Kent. “I guess I thought they already knew.”

“I told Shitty.” Bitty twisted a little. “It’s not – I don’t know why I didn’t tell the rest of them. It’s not you, it’s –”

“It’s fine.” Kent pressed a kiss into Bitty’s hair. “Tell who you want to tell when you want to tell them.” He leaned his chin on Bitty’s shoulder as they both fell silent, attention returning to the television.

When Kent got up to get a glass a water, Bitty scooted around on the sofa, rearranging so that Kit could climb into his lap. He stroked a hand over her soft fur, thinking.

“Aw,” Kent said, returning with his glass. “You guys are so cute.” He settled back onto the sofa, slinging an arm back around Bitty and pulling him close.

“You can tell your team,” Bitty offered, as the television rolled over into another episode of Golden Girls . “If you want.”

“Really?” Kent shifted so he could see Bitty’s face. “All of them?”

“Well –” Bitty paused, thinking about it for a minute. “I won’t, um. I mean I won’t sit with the wives if I come to games and make it super obvious, but… yeah. You can tell them all. You can –” He took a deep breath. “You can tell the press you have a boyfriend, if you want.”

“Babe. They’ll start looking for you,” Kent said, voice soft. “People will tear apart pictures of me with anyone trying to figure out who I’m dating.”

“I know,” Bitty said. His voice didn’t waver, and he was proud.

“What about your family?” Kent asked.

“I’ll just have to… cross that bridge when I get to it,” Bitty said. “I guess.”

“Is this you saying that you want me to do that?” Kent asked.

“Yes,” Bitty said. “Just wait until I go home.”

His flight the following morning left ridiculously early – it would get him home in time to make his afternoon class, which was great, but it also meant that they had to make it an early night and get some rest. Kent dropped him off at the airport before the sun was up, lingering in the lobby until Bitty had gone through security.

He posted the boyfriend tag video while Bitty was still in the air – he landed to find a notification on his phone that SweetiePie90 had a new video up. When he opened it, Bitty couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face. They looked so… comfortable. Happy. Even though the video didn’t show either of their faces, Bitty got the sense that everyone could see how close they were. The video cut off with the kiss.

School picked right back up where he’d left it – which meant that Bitty was, to be honest, a little behind. He hurried to his afternoon classes and then to practice, and by the time he got back to the Haus, Bitty didn’t even want to think about his pile of homework. He had at least two papers to write and resolved to deal with them just like he usually did – procrastination by baking. He was happily cutting butter into flour to make crust when he came up with a plan.

Three pies later – honey peach, chocolate pecan, and blueberry crumble – Bitty felt ready to bring his friends to the table. Coordinating schedules wasn’t that difficult, but because of senior stress levels, Bitty waited until Holster, Lardo, and Ransom were all already back at the Haus.

“So,” he said, clenching his hands under the table, “I’ve, uh. I’ve been seeing someone for a while, now.”

Ransom and Holster exchanged a look and grinned.

“Yeah?” said Ransom.

Lardo didn’t say anything.

Right. Best to just… rip off the bandaid, right? “It’s Kent Parson,” Bitty said, after a long moment of silence.

Holster stared. “Wait,” he said. “ What ?!”

“Kent Parson ?” Ransom filled his mouth with pie a moment later, glancing away from Bitty.

“I thought you were dating Jack,” said Lardo, pausing with a fork in hand.

“Yeah,” Holster said.

Oh. Fuck.

“No,” Bitty said, twisting his fingers together. “Kent and I have been together for, um. For like. A year and a half?” His voice rose on the last word, nerves coming to the surface.

“Holy shit, bro,” said Ransom. “It wasn’t Jack?”

“Wait. This is Bribery Pie,” said Holster, looking down at his plate of blueberry crumble, fork halfway to his mouth. “How dare you lure us in here to discuss your flagrant falsehoods with a Bribery Pie?!”

“Three Bribery Pies,” Ransom said.

“Flagrant falsehoods?” Lardo raised an eyebrow.

“He’s been watching some period dramas,” said Ransom.

Three Bribery Pies!” Holster put a bite in his mouth anyway, ignoring their discussion of his word choices. “S’not like you needed ’em. But goddamn, bro.”

“Was it the kegster?” Lardo asked, looking back to Bitty.

“No,” Bitty said. “I met him online. It’s a long story.”

“Spill, bro,” said Holster.

“Wait. Wait ,” said Ransom. “Was Kent Parson your Boston booty call?”

“More like my Boston boyfriend ,” Bitty said, the tips of his ears burning.

“Bro,” said Holster. “ Bro . Is this why you got to go to the Winter Classic?”

“You know it is,” said Ransom. “Fuck. You sneaky bastard.”

It was a good thing Bitty had made coffee. They sat around the kitchen table for a long time, talking about everything – how long Bitty had known Kent, how many people knew about their relationship, Kent’s visit over the summer. When he returned to his room, Bitty flopped onto his bed. Had he ever been so tired? It didn’t seem like it.

When he picked his phone up, the notification from Kent’s Instagram caught his eye. Opening the app, Bitty found himself looking at a simple picture of a familiar lamp. It glowed in the photo, brilliant gold against the darkness of Kent’s bedroom. Scrolling to see the caption, Bitty swallowed against a lump in his throat.

I love you like XO You love me like XO Baby love me lights out

( missed the beginning? catch up on AO3! )

a very short thing for @bottomkirk. inspired by @incorrectstartrekaosquotestext post

Jim is incredibly nervous to meet Chris Pike’s extended family, and when he’s incredibly nervous, his brain to mouth filter tends to fail. He’s been clinging on to Leo’s hand for the entire ride, and when Chris picks them up from the station, it doesn’t get any better. “They’re all super excited to meet my and Phil’s adopted kids” has decidedly been the wrong thing to say.

The problem is inherently that Jim wants them to like him, because that in turn would reflect well upon Chris and Phil, and they really are the parents Jim never had. 
Leo has been gently rubbing his back for the entire ride, but the closer they come to their destination, the more Jim’s stomach knots up.

When they get out of the car, a strikingly beautiful woman is already there, almost holding the door open for Jim and Leo.

“You must be Jim! Chris’s told me so much about you. I’m his sister, Marsha.”

“Yeah,” Jim manages. And then, in a stroke of utter idiocy, he says, “And this is my ex-boyfriend.”

The entire world kind of stops and the woman stares at him, unblinking. Jim’s blood pressure skyrockets. How the fuck do you even recover from that one? It’s been only a few weeks since they’re officially not boyfriends anymore but married, and somehow his brain combined that into something absolutely horrendous.

Leo gives him a gentle smack. “I’m his husband, suffering from his terrible sense of humor.”

Marsha laughs. “ Oh, Lord, you had me there for a minute! Are you two always this funny?”

And yeah, maybe the world will be alright even though Jim is at his first ever family get together. Thanks to his husband for saving him.

(it’s not much of a fic, so i won’t do the usual tag lists…. )