oh my god you look so good

archaicsextoy  asked:

random fluff idea (it's not lafluff but it's fluff so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯): Pidge loves cats, but if you get her started on lizards there's a good chance she'll whip out her phone and show you the pictures of that one time she made little clothes for Matt's lizards to wear

I like, approve of this 1000000000000% 

But okay, can we like;

Pidge showing off the pictures to an Empress of the Planet they just saved: Yeah, so here’s my brother’s lizard in a Flash Costume, and like, look at that flat face, oh my god, isn’t he the best —??

Shiro opening his way through the crowd: MR. PEAS THE LIZARD IS ALIVE? HOLY SHIT —!!! 

I’m all aboard for this heacanon.

Also, bonus, can we pls imagine Lance and Pidge knitting together??

Lance: what…Pidge, you added another leg hole? How many legs do you think they have????

Pidge: IT’S FOR THE TAIL LANCE., FUDGE OFF.

They bond over knitting and you all can take that away from me from my cold dead clammy dry and slightly small hands, ok. 

Also, ally, sweetie, I love you and you are precious. 

  • Pete: Hi
  • Brendon: it was the summer of 2001, and Joe meets Patrick and he's like "yo, I know about music." then Patrick's like "yo I know more about music!" "that's impossible. so you wanna start a band?" and Patrick's like, "yeah that's cool." and then, he's like "yo this is a book store not a music store." and then they met at Patrick's house. so Patrick's wearing shorts, socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin' reason and then Pete's there for some reason. and they start playing music together and they're like "oh, let's play some covers from some other bands." it was like Green Day, and fuckin' Misfits, and fuckin' Ramones. Pete said to Joe, "yo, that's dope, but we need a fuckin' drummer." because Patrick's playing drums and he's a singer. Patrick's like "yo, I got a soul voice," and they're like "wait how do you have a soul voice?" and he's like "yo, watch this: YEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaahhh!" and they're like, "oh my god, that sounds like soul!" so they put it in a song, and it was like, "WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!" and they're like "yo that's fuckin perfect, this is Fall Out Boy." and they made records like Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. "it's called Evening Out With Your Girlfriend." with your ex-girlfriend. it's called evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. it's called eating out your girlfriend, and it's real and it doesn't matter. and Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he's like "you what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. yo, this is gonna be fuckin' doooooooooope!" so they made a record and it was called Take this to Your Grave. they made it without a drummer, and they had like 3—4 drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something, and they're like "you, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin' record it." and he did, and he killed it, and he was like "bigidalililililillillilila, PSHHH!" killin' the skin, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin' the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out. you're getting a fucking tattoo right now?! what the fuck is going on?! We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, 'cause thee guys know what the fuck is going on. and they were like "yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin' hard, we will sign you guys." and Pete was like "yo, we got this record that's fuckin' dooooooope, dude, it's called Take This to Your Grave, it's called From Under the Cork Tree it's gonna be fucking huge." and then Patrick's like "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it's called-BURP-Thnks Fr th Mmrs, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, Were Goin' Down. and they made this record that was fuckin' dope, and it fucking hit on the charts like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. ten to one. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million records. ten million records. fifteen million records. and Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. and Patrick was like "that's gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd." Pete was like, "yo, fuck you I can do whatever I want." and Joe was like, "yeah it's cool man whatever I don't give a shit." and then Andy was like "eh, cool." and Pete was like "Make up is fuckin' great for a guy. because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks that guys are beautiful." I'm good so far yeah. yeah I do. SHUT THE FUCK. oh fuck, alright alright. Pete was like "oh my god, I'm so embarrassed about this dick pic." and then I saw the dick pic and was like "ah it's not bad." it's not a bad dick. let's be real. we made Rollins Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. and Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed they were like "yo, fuck you guys!" they're like "yo! Panic! has the fuckin' cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fuck these dudes, we're gonna fucking go miles above. we're gonna hit every fuckin' continent there is known to man." but they didn't because they missed a second of time. apparently they were like "oh shit, we got every continent." and they didn't actually hit it. dude, and Pete was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?! 'oh you didn't fuckin' make the continent' it's like FUCK YOU!" so From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fuckin' have three-four years of awesomeness. like, people are coming in themselves 'cause it's so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like-- so Patrick's like "yo, we are going to name these records from under the Cork tree and from Innity-- from infinity on high." Pete was like "yo folie à deux means the theatric of two." "The madness of two." oh sorry I'm sorry. follow boy was like "yo we got to take a break." Meaning Pete was like "yo we got to take a break bro." and Patrick's like "I need time for my music. UHUhUhUHuhUUUh." and joes like "yo I need time to find the fucking art dude I got to find some fucking me-- metal" and andys like "i'm just gonna play with some fucking metal bands." and they're like "all right this breaks been like three years long two years long three years long 3 1/2? we gotta fucking come back man we gotta come back strong." you took my beer away what the fuck? "no you poured it all over yourself." "yeah you poured it on yourself man here." "we got to make this shit legit it's gonna be fucking dope it's going to go fucking sky high. we're going to make a fucking record that sails the skies. we're going to call this record save rock 'n' roll." so they made alone together light 'em up alone together Phoenix. and everybody's like "what the fuck? you're working with this guy who fuckin' recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk." is this pu-- what the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on myself? oh god. Pete was like "yo were gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At The Disco and twenty pilots. and that's all and that's all that matters. and that's just how the fuckin' story goes."
Sheriff Knows Best

Stiles/Derek, G, 2K words, Sheriff POV, Coffeeshop AU, matchmaker!Sheriff

(Credit for the title to @cobrilee!)

This is an expansion of the following idea, written by the lovely @artemis69:

the coffee!AU, where John goes to the same coffee shop every day, and there is this very grumpy, quiet barista that always makes him amazing coffee and keep the best pastries for him. And one day the Sheriff learns that Derek is the one to bake them all, so he decides: this will be my son in law, I need a reason to have this man in my family for at least forty to fifty years. Then he matchmakes with no subtility whatsoever, basically offering his only son on a silver plate, Stiles spluttering all the way (but he takes Derek’s number anyway because the guy is just amazingly cute)

John’s on his regular morning stroll when he stops in his tracks and takes in the brand-new coffee shop, complete with a banner advertising their opening day. The little corner space has been boarded up for over a year, and John had no idea it was opening today.

Any new businesses are a boon for Beacon Hills, especially family-run ones like this one is rumored to be, so John ducks inside. It’s warm and homey, and there’s a pair of young dark-haired people behind the counter, close enough in features that they’re probably siblings. The quiet bickering points that direction, too.

They stop, though, when they see the Sheriff—the uniform tends to have that effect—and he pastes on his public servant smile. “Hi there. I saw this place was open and wanted to come on in and introduce myself. Sheriff John Stilinski.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you,” the woman says, holding out her hand for a shake. A nice strong grip—John likes this girl already. “I’m Laura Hale, and I own this place with my brother Derek, our resident grumpy barista-slash-baker.”

Derek rolls his eyes at Laura, but his smile to John is genuine, if small. “Hi, Sheriff. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, son,” he says, perusing the case full of tempting sugary treats. “You made these?”

He nods. “Can I get you anything?”

John hums. “A medium coffee, and…any one of these delicious-looking goodies. You pick. Just don’t tell my son,” he adds, and Derek looks up at him.

“Your son?”

“I have slightly elevated cholesterol,” he says, stressing the word. “Nothing to worry about, honestly. But he polices my diet. I don’t think he knows about this place yet, though, so this is great.”

Derek hums. His tongs hover over a muffin—lemon poppyseed, it looks like—before moving to another one. Raspberry-almond, according to the sign, and well, John isn’t picky. Derek drops it into a little bag and hands it over.

“Happy to help,” he says.

John thanks him and opens the bag. Laura’s still pouring his coffee, but it smells so damn good that he can’t resist.

“Wow,” he says, his mouth full. “This is delicious.”

Derek looks quietly proud, and Laura claps him on the shoulder as she reaches over to hand John his coffee. “On the house, today, Sheriff,” she says. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he promises.


“Thanks, Nina,” John says dryly, leaning back so she can put his plate in front of him.

“You’re welcome, Sheriff,” she says with a friendly smile, ignoring his stink eye.

Stiles just grins at both of them and digs into his French toast. He insists on having their weekly father-son breakfast at Paulie’s Diner because no matter what John orders, Nina will only bring him an egg-white omelet with a dry English muffin. Stiles must have some serious blackmail or be paying her off somehow, and John is, he has to admit, grudgingly impressed.

“Don’t look so bummed out, Pops,” Stiles says, around a mouthful of what’s surely syrup-drenched deliciousness. “At least I let you have turkey bacon.”

“It’s not the same,” he says grumpily, poking at it. “But at least I’m getting a steady stream of baked goods now.”

Stiles glares at him. “Are you serious? From where? I thought I had paid everyone off.”

He knew it. “I’m not telling you,” he says, a little displeased with how childish he sounds.

“Fine,” Stiles says, sniffing. “I’ll figure it out, you know I will.”

He will, John knows. Goddamn, he loves his kid, even if his life goal seems to be depriving John from any and all delicious food. “And speaking of, I met someone the other day,” he starts, and Stiles gasps theatrically, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Is this you crapping all over my dream of having Melissa as my stepmom?”

John sighs at the reminder. Melissa is…well, she seems happy with that Argent guy. Whatever. He’s not bitter.

“Not for me, Jesus,” he says, shaking his head. “For you.”

“Oh my god,” Stiles says, slumping back in the booth. “Eye roll” is too mild, John thinks. It’s more of a whole head roll. “Seriously, Dad, I’m only 25. You don’t have to marry me off quite yet. You’ll get your grandchildren someday, I promise. Stop trying to set me up with people.”

“I’m just trying to be helpful!” John protests. “He seems nice.”

And makes really good treats, he adds in his head. That’ll be a good trait for a son-in-law.

“And who exactly is he?”

John pauses. “I met him at the aforementioned undisclosed location.” 

Stiles snorts. “Find out if he actually likes dudes, then get back to me.”

“Okay,” he says seriously, and Stiles grimaces.

“No, Dad, don’t actually—”

Keep reading

4

“This didn’t exist when I was a kid. I didn’t get to see Glenn. I didn’t get to see a fully formed Asian-American person on my television, where you could say, ‘That dude just belongs here.’ Kids, growing up now, can see this show and see a face that they recognize. And go, 'Oh my god. That’s my face, too.'” Steven Yeun on playing Glenn on The Walking Dead

3

Smooches.

i. my mother tells me:
every time you’re nervous,
say you’re excited, it’ll help
your anxiety
and i said:
okay, i’m willing to try anything
  
ii. when you look at me i feel
little arrows shooting through me,
a falcon wing, a feather quill, a
poem writing itself on the back of my skull
  
iii. what if when i talk to you
all that comes out of my mouth
is a jumble of letters,
a mumble or worse talking too much or
not enough or what if i accidentally say the wrong thing
and we never talk again or what if
  
iv. i’m excited i’m excited i’m excited excitedexcitedexcited
 
v. good morning how are you, good morning
you’re so pretty i get flustered when you speak,
good morning i love those freckles and
the dimples of your cheeks, good morning that sounded
really creepy, good morning my name is, good morning,
hey, how ya doin, yo, oh my god i’d never say yo what is this
the 90’s, i’m trying to hard aren’t i, i’m not trying enough
maybe, okay again try again - good morning
  
vi.  you look at me and 
 
vii. i’m excited.
—  r.i.d/inkskinned
help you forget.

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines

derek hale x reader (smut)

warnings: smut, some dirty talk, oral. (male receiving)

prompt: you’re pining over scott while derek pines over you. he helps you forget scott in his own way.

AN: let’s just pretend derek is still in teen wolf and he never lost his alpha title.  i’m such a sucker for alpha hale right now. 

beacon hills was a beautiful town, strange but beautiful none the less. you’d lived here your whole life, fortunately you’d managed to go most of your life without knowing what truly lurked in the dark but in the end, you were exposed to it all and fighting things nightmares were made of was a daily occurrence now.

Keep reading

nightmare starters part 2

for part 1 click here!

“Will you please tell me what they’re about?! How do you expect me to help if you don’t tell me?!”
“You should go and see someone about those nightmares. They’re only getting worse, aren’t they?”
“Can we sleep with the lights on?”
“I haven’t slept peacefully in weeks.”
“I can’t tell you my nightmare this time… It’s too bad, I don’t want to have to say it out loud.”
“Can I sleep in your room? I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep in my own bed.”
“I’m sorry for waking you… I had a really bad nightmare.”
“I can’t stop thinking about that weird dream I had weeks ago. It’s like it’s haunting me.”
“You look exhausted. Bad night?”
“Calm down, calm down. It was just a dream. It’s over now.”
“You’re overreacting. Everyone has bad dreams sometimes. No need to get all weird about it.”
“Are you still thinking about that nightmare? I’m sure it didn’t mean anything, okay? We’re not in a horror movie.”
“You should go to the doctor. These nightmares are making you miss sleep and you’re always exhausted. Get help.”
“How about you come and sleep in my bed? I’ll watch over you while you fall asleep, I promise.”
“I think I’d feel less tired if I didn’t sleep at all anymore. These nightmares are killing me.”
“I thought you didn’t get them anymore.”
“I guess it was a bad idea to watch a horror movie before bed…”
“When will you finally tell me what they’re about?”
“Wow, you look exhausted. Did you sleep at all last night?”
“Oh my god, that was horrible… that was so horrible…”
“How about you sleep in my bed for the coming days? It can be like a sleepover. I’m sure you’ll feel good enough and the nightmares will stay away!”
“I can’t breathe! It was real, it was!”
“Have you tried writing them down? They might go away if you do…”
“Have you any idea how worried I am? Please tell me what’s up with you or I can’t help! You look exhausted!”
“Please leave the light on.”
“Have you any idea what’s causing these nightmares?”
“I don’t think you understand how exhausting it is to not have had a good night’s rest in weeks.”

If you ever want someone's attention, send them this-

It’s summer of 2001; Joe meets Patrick and he’s like “Yo, I know about music.” and Patrick’s like “Yo, I know more about music” “That’s impossible. Do you wanna start a band?” And Patrick’s like “…Yeah… That’s cool.” And then he’s like “Yo, this is a book store, it’s not a music store!”

And then they met at Patrick’s house. And Patrick’s wearing shorts and socks and a hat. Patrick is playin’ drums for some fuckin’ reason! And Pete’s there, for some reason! They start playin’ music together. And there like “Oh, let’s play some fuckin’ covers from some other bands!” It was like, Green Day and fuckin’ Misfits and fuckin’ Ramones! Pete said to Joe “Yo, we gotta change this shit up! Yo we’ve played all these bands; let’s play shit from Fall Out Boy.” And so Pete and Patrick are like “Yo, that’s dope. But we need a fuckin’ drummer!” Because Patrick’s playin’ drums and he’s a singer! And he’s like “Yo! I got a soul voice!” And there like “Wait, how do you have a soul voice!?!” And he’s like “Yo watch this! Yeah!” and they’re like “Oh my god! That sounds like soul!” So they put it in the song and it was like “WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIGHT!”

And then they’re like “Yo, this is fuckin’ perfect. This is Fall Out Boy.” And they made records like, Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. its called Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. Its called Eating Out Your Girlfriend, and its real and it doesn’t matter. And Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he was like “Yo, what the fuck! Yo this is gonna be fuckin’ dope!” So they made a record, and it was called take this to your grave. They made it without a drummer! And they had like three, four drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like… Josh Freese, Neil Peart, the dude from Toto… The fourth one was like the guy from papa roach or something. And they were like, “yo, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take this to your grave. Fuckin’ record it.” And he did it, and he killed it. He was like,Bigadigadigalalululapssshhhh! Killing the skins! Tapping the skins! Tapping the rims! Playing the shit! Killing these bitches! Wrapping it out!

“We should get signed, to Fueled by Ramen. ‘Cause these guys know what the fuck is going on.” And they were like “Yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin’ hard. We will sign you guys.” Pete was like ”Yo! We got this record that’s fuckin’ dope dude! It’s called Take This To Your Grave.“ Hey, its gonna be called From Under The Cork Tree, its gonna be fuckin’ huge. And then Patrick’s like “I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic. These are three songs that are gonna make the album and its called… This is called Thanks for the Memories, 20 Dollar Nosebleed, and Sugar We’re Going Down..” And they made this record that was fucking dope and it fucking hit on the charts.

Like one, two, three! Three, two one! Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! TEN TO ONE! From Under The Cork Tree sold like, four million records! Ten million records! Fifteen million records! And Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. And Patrick was like “That’s good!” Pete was like “Yo, fuck you! I can do whatever I want!” Joe was like “Yeah, it’s cool man, whatever… I don’t give a shit.” And then Andy was like “Eh… Cool!” And Pete was like “Makeup is fuckin’ great for a guy. Because it makes a guy look beautiful. Which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. And I wanna change that.I wanna make sure everybody thinks that guys are beautiful.”

Pete was like “Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed about this dick pic!” And then I saw the dick pic, and I was like “Eh, it’s not bad. It’s not a bad dick. Let’s be real.” Panic! At The Disco made Rolling Stone one issue before Fall Out Boy. And Fall Out Boy made the issue right after Panic! And they were so pissed! They were like “Yo, fuck you guys!” They were like “Yo! Panic has the cover of Rolling Stone!?! Yo, fuck these dudes, were gonna go fucking miles above! We’re gonna hit every fucking continent there is known to man!” But they didn’t! Because they missed a second of time, apparently. They were like “Oh, shit we got every continent.” And they didn’t actually hit it. Dude, Pete was like “What the fuck!” oh you didn’t fuckin’ make the continent. It’s like, fuck you!

So From Under The Cork Tree happens, we fuckin’ have three, four years of awesomeness! Like people are cumming on themselves it’s so big! So Fall Out Boy was like, so Patrick’s like “Yo, we’re gonna name this record ‘From Under The Cork Tree’ and From Infinity In High.” Pete was like “Yo, folie a deux means, the theatric of two.” Fall Out Boy was like “Yo, we gotta take a break” meaning, Pete was like “Yo, we gotta take a break bro” and Patrick’s like, “Y need time for my music! Yeah!” And Joe’s like “Yo, I need time to find the fuckin’ art dude I gotta find some fuckin’ meau-metal.” And Andy’s like “I’m just gonna play with some fuckin’ metal bands.”

And they were like, “Alright, this breaks been like three years long. Two years long. Three years long. Three and a half. We gotta fuckin’ come back man. We gotta come back STRONG! We gotta make this shit legit. It’s gonna be fuckin dope. It’s gonna go fuckin sky high. We’re gonna make a fuckin’ record that sails the skies. We’re gonna call this record… Save Rock And Roll.” So they made Alone Together, Light 'Em Up, Alone Together, Phoenix. And everyone’s like “What the fuck? You’re working with this guy who fuckin’ recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk!” Pete was like “Yo, were gonna end up on the tour with Panic! At The Disco and Twenty Pilots.” And that’s all. And that’s all that matters. And that’s how the fucking story goes.

Tater headcanon/ficlet

Tater’s parents divorced when he was very young, he doesn’t even remember a time they were together (although they had an amicable relationship post-divorce). His father was a hockey player, his mother was a figure skating champion.

He grew up in Russia with his father, but would spend a couple months every year visiting his mother in the USA. She retired from competition, but continued on to be a formidable youth figure skating coach. Her students were always successful.

When Tater visits his mom, he usually tags along to her early morning practices. Truthfully, he catches a bit more sleep in the stands most days, but he does really enjoy watching the progress her students have made on days mornings when he’s well-rested.

When he’s 11 or so, his mom takes on a tiny blond boy as her newest student, and Tater absolutely LOVES watching him practice. The kid is fast learner, and young Tater has been around the best and brightest of figure skating enough to know that this boy is going to be great.

Even when Tater returns home to Russia after his visit, he still asks his mom about how the little blond boy is doing with his lessons. The next time he visits, the improvement is already staggering. Now he eagerly attend his mom’s early morning lessons to see what this talented tiny boy can do.

Tater meets him once, but the funny little American boy talks very fast and Tater has no idea what he’s saying. He manages to say “Hi” and “good skate” and then stares, completely overwhelmed by this ball of blond energy shaking his hand and talking a mile a minute. Tater knows he’s saying something nice about his mom, because the boy is smiling a lot and looks over at her a couple times, but he knows very little English, so it mostly goes over his head. Still, it makes him smile, and he’s happy his mom has found such an enthusiastic student.

The years go by, and although Tater is sad to hear that his mom’s star pupil no longer figure skates, he gets busy with his hockey career. His mother has other talented students now, and she’s back in Russia. Life goes on. It’s been years since he’s thought of the tiny blond boy…

But one day, his teammate Jack starts (does he ever stop?) bragging about how wonderful his boyfriend is, and brings him along for a fun shinny game with the Falcs to show off Bitty’s skills and speed.

“Remember last time we did this, Bits?” Jack teases his boyfriend while the other guys set up the nets.

“The boys made me do a jump in my hockey skates for the school paper,” Bitty replies with a laugh.

Tater insists on seeing Jack’s little blond boyfriend do a jump, because he does miss watching figure skating like in his childhood. Bitty obliges, and the moment he lifts off the ice, Tater is filled with nostalgia. He knew something was familiar about this energetic young man.

“Hey, little B!” Tater skates over to Bitty immediately. “You’re so good. Always jumping so high, even in hockey skates.”

“Well, it would be better if I were in figure skates, and had a bit more practice…”

“Is okay. Long time since you started hockey, yes? When you were 15?”

Bitty doesn’t think too much of it, aside from being a bit of embarrassment that Jack has told his friends THAT much about him. “Yeah, I figure skated for years before that.”

“So many championships. Good skate.”

Bitty chuckles, remembering the time he met Katya’s quiet son who didn’t speak much English. That poor shy boy had only managed to tell him “good skate” too. He was hit with a wave of déja vu. This giant of a man was about 10,000 times more talkative than that boy, but now that Bitty thought about it, he did look a little familiar. “Um… Tater? This may sound strange, but…”

“So B, you know my mom Katya, yes?”

“OH. MY. GOD.”

“We should send her selfie now.”

the theater teacher at school runs a dnd club and hes running us through the haunting of harrowstone. my character has proven to be absolutely useless missing every attack i (and my animal companion) make, while also managing to provoke unneeded fights with ghosts. we were checking out all the doors in the hall in order and found a huge room

DM: this room is open and unremarkable except the piles of fabric strewn across the floor. across from you you can see a single skeletal hand reaching up and out from under some of the fabric

me: i cast spark to set it on fire

entire party: NO WHAT IF ITS A GOOD GHOST

me: why in the world would there be a good ghost in here weve been attacked by literally everything since we got here but fine i dont do that

sorcerer: i wanna look around [rolls high perception]

DM: as you look at this boney hand peeking out at you your vision shifts. it seems to be moving, but not moving, but its turning towards you but the hand itself is still but you see movement all the same. the next thing you see is a soft apparition of an older woman, who looks at you incredulously

woman: “what are you doing here? its too dangerous to be here”

cleric: “oh she cares about us!”

witch: “wait is this the wardens wife holy shit”

me: “oh. good thing i didnt set you on fire then.”

woman: [laughs] “its happened before”

me: [sudden realization that she burned to death here] “OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY”

rhodey is the cutest person i can’t believe this,,, saying “boom” when something goes his way…Dad Jokes™… being So Into Being War Machine oh my god literally every one-liner rhodey has is life-changing i can’t believe how good he is??? “welcome to the dance floor, boys. oh no, i didn’t say you could leave” “I think it’s weird. you look like two seals fighting over a grape” “you look damn good mr president but i’m gonna need that suit back” WAR MACHINE,,,COMIN AT U,,, “no, it’s your fault, I just wanted to say I’m sorry”

he adapts so quickly to ridiculous situations he’s brave and resilient and selfless and incredible and his password is WARMACHINEROX with an x all caps what a giant dork i love him @ marvel where the fuck is my war machine movie

where the lines overlap (m)

Originally posted by kths

jimin x reader red strings of fate soulmates! au

8.8k words

rated m for dirty talk, creampie kink, idk i just wanted to write a jimin soulmate au but whoops my finger slipped?? :/

recommended music: where the lines overlap by paramore! it’s my favourite paramore song EVER :)

Summary: there’s an ancient Chinese folklore of the red strings of fate that connect one person to another. These two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, and the magical, invisible thread may tangle or stretch, but it will never sever. You’ve never believed in these mystical threads of fate like everyone else, but one day you suddenly gain the ability to see the threads connecting the people around you.


The door slams shut, jolting you out of your peaceful reverie. If it had been anyone else, you’d be beyond annoyed to be interrupted while doing your weekly readings, but not when it’s him. The person in question knocks gently on your door before peeking his head in, strands of his bleached dove gray hair spilling over into his eyes, and you can’t help but smile at the sight of him.

“Hey, I got dinner on the way back,” Jimin’s cheeks round out into a smile that reaches all the way to the crinkles at the corners of his eyes. Every time he comes home he’s constantly sweaty and worn out, but it’s part and parcel of the life he chose as a dance major.

Tossing aside your notes, you follow him out into the small dining area of your shared apartment, still in your sweats. When he makes a move to sit at the table, you give him a playful swat on his chest.

“Shouldn’t you wash up first? If I’d known you were this gross, I wouldn’t have agreed to room with you two years ago,” you pretend to wrinkle your nose at his sweaty form, all while ignoring the way his shirt is moulded to his chest.

“Says the one still in her sweatpants. Looks like someone isn’t that hungry tonight,” Jimin smirks back, reaching across the table to grab the box of takeout that you were in the midst of opening. “I could totally do with those extra calories after Hoseok hyung cracked down on us today…”

“I’m just kidding Chim,” you hastily snatch back the takeout box just as he opens the lid of it, the delicious smell of hot noodles and fried pork slices wafting into the air. “Oh my god this smells so good, I’ve been starving all day!”

“Wait, Jinwoo didn’t come by? It’s your free day right? I thought he usually comes by to hang out in the afternoons,” Jimin pauses in his chewing to study your expression carefully, but you’re too busy inhaling mouthfuls of stir fried noodles.

“Jinwoo oppa said he was busy today,” you say around a mouthful of vegetables and noodles. “He has that huge midterm coming up next week, so I told him he should stay home and study.”

Jimin looks like he’s about to say something snide about your boyfriend of nearly 6 months, so you stuff a large piece of meat into his mouth instead.

“Yes I know, he was busy last week and the week before that too, but we’ve been dating for a while so we don’t need to see each other so often. We’re over that honeymoon stage already.” You say in a dismissive tone, focusing on chasing the remaining few strands of noodles around with your chopsticks and avoiding his gaze.

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Praise Kink

In which Harry is incredibly nervous and y/n knows just how to calm him down.

A/N: WELL I did it. Barely.  I managed to get this finished before Harry’s single dropped so that I’ll be able to freak out in peace tonight.  I hope you enjoy because this is… kinda filthy.  LOVE YA BUY SIGN OF THE TIMES ON ITUNES!

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Mafia!Got7 when they think your dead but your just going shopping/ hyung line

Got7 as Mafia members when they can’t find you and think your dead, but your actually just going shopping.


Jaebum:

You knew you had forgotten something, but since you really couldn’t remember what, It couldn’t have been something important. Right? Wrong.Turns out you didn’t leave a message for Jaebum telling him you were buying some clothes. Even though you knew he always freaked out when he didn’t know where you were.

You just got yourself a knew dress and left the first store, when suddenly you saw a crowd of people watching the entrance of the mall. You were curious, so you made your way through the people. As soon as you saw what they were watching, you facepalmed yourself. Jaebum was basically waltzing trough the front door with some of his people, not looking very happy.

“Next time you go shopping. at least take a knife with you…”

“Jaebum!!”

“What? That’s normal, isn’t it?”

Originally posted by princetuans

 

Mark:

 

As soon as he woke up and couldn’t find you anywhere, he would freak out. Did something happen to you? Did someone kidnap you? What, if you’d left him?! He should have watched over you better, he promised it after all.

When you suddenly came into his room, carrying some shopping bags, he would look at you with his eyes wide open, wondering if he should get angry or laugh at himself.

“So, you were shopping? Nice. That was the last time for you tho.”

“But Mark, I need clothes…”

“Who said that?”

Originally posted by markificent

 

 Jinyoung:

At first, he would just wonder where you were and why you didn’t tell him. He really wanted you to feel free, but he also knew it was dangerous for you out there since he was pretty known amongst his enemies. But you didn’t answer his call and he couldn’t find a message of you anywhere, so he decided to call his people in, panicking a little bit.

“Ok guys, so my lovely (Y/N) is nowhere to be found and I want to know where she is. So get the f*ck over here and search for her or I’ll blow up the Cafeteria.”

(Tries to act calm but is about to burn the house down)

When the guys finally found you at the shopping mall and bring you back, he looks at you with a small, relieved smile. However, his eyes are telling you that you better come up with a good excuse.. or make it up to him.

Originally posted by jypnior

 

Jackson:

“Oh my god, where is she? They kidnapped her for sure. What if they killed her? What if she’s dead?”

He would be going on the other boys nerves the whole day, being sure you were abducted. After all, you wouldn’t run away, would you? He would debate about wether he should waltz into the hiding place of his enemies or if he should save you with a ruse, when suddenly you just walked into the house, completely unaware of what was happening. The other guys would quickly get out of the room, probably laughing at him. However,basically for the first time in his life, Jackson wasn’t amused at all.

“Well, hello. I was just about to blow the world up because of you. But please, make yourself comfortable and don’t mind me… ”

(Doesn’t let you leave the house for the next month at all)

Originally posted by jacksonwangism



Should I do this for the maknae line too?

Thanks for reading, I hope you guys liked it~~

Admin I

MAKNAE LINE HERE

anonymous asked:

hey you're really nice! have a good day

aw thanks!!

  • [pulls sheet on like a cape] “look i’m zarkon”
  • *allura voice* “so if you could please take us to your leader- paladins why are you laughing”
    • pidge: “…oh my god….. we’re the aliens”
  • shiro purposefully cuts the right sleeves off his shirts so he can intimidate enemies with the robot arm
  • coran is the castle’s reigning video game champ
  • lance to the alien he just rescued: “hunk is the best. he’s super strong but so gentle. he’s like an enormous, muscular ellen degeneres”
  • space puns are banned
    • this is 30% because of lance’s bad space-themed pick up lines and 70% because of hunk
    • “hunk if you tell one more stupid joke-” “okay okay, i’ll stop, i’m… star-y”
  • keith, in galra captivity: “maybe we could blow up the hull?” hunk: “oh awesome plan! just one tiny problem - and follow me closely here the science is pretty complicated - if we blow a hole in the hull the air won’t stay inside anymore and we kinda sorta need that to live keith”
best story ever...

Pete: Hi
Brendon: it was the summer of 2001, and Joe meets Patrick and he’s like “yo, I know about music.” then Patrick’s like “yo I know more about music!” “that’s impossible. so you wanna start a band?” and Patrick’s like, “yeah that’s cool.” and then, he’s like “yo this is a book store not a music store.” and then they met at Patrick’s house. so Patrick’s wearing shorts, socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin’ reason and then Pete’s there for some reason. and they start playing music together and they’re like “oh, let’s play some covers from some other bands.” it was like Green Day, and fuckin’ Misfits, and fuckin’ Ramones. Pete said to Joe, “yo, that’s dope, but we need a fuckin’ drummer.” because Patrick’s playing drums and he’s a singer. Patrick’s like “yo, I got a soul voice,” and they’re like “wait how do you have a soul voice?” and he’s like “yo, watch this: YEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaahhh!” and they’re like, “oh my god, that sounds like soul!” so they put it in a song, and it was like, “WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!” and they’re like “yo that’s fuckin perfect, this is Fall Out Boy.” and they made records like Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. “it’s called Evening Out With Your Girlfriend.” with your ex-girlfriend. it’s called evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. it’s called eating out your girlfriend, and it’s real and it doesn’t matter. and Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he’s like “you what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. yo, this is gonna be fuckin’ doooooooooope!” so they made a record and it was called Take this to Your Grave. they made it without a drummer, and they had like 3—4 drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something, and they’re like “you, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin’ record it.” and he did, and he killed it, and he was like “bigidalililililillillilila, PSHHH!” killin’ the skin, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin’ the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out. you’re getting a fucking tattoo right now?! what the fuck is going on?! We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, ‘cause thee guys know what the fuck is going on. and they were like “yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin’ hard, we will sign you guys.” and Pete was like “yo, we got this record that’s fuckin’ dooooooope, dude, it’s called Take This to Your Grave, it’s called From Under the Cork Tree it’s gonna be fucking huge.” and then Patrick’s like “I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it’s called-BURP-Thnks Fr th Mmrs, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, Were Goin’ Down. and they made this record that was fuckin’ dope, and it fucking hit on the charts like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. ten to one. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million records. ten million records. fifteen million records. and Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. and Patrick was like "that’s gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd.” Pete was like, “yo, fuck you I can do whatever I want.” and Joe was like, “yeah it’s cool man whatever I don’t give a shit.” and then Andy was like “eh, cool.” and Pete was like “Make up is fuckin’ great for a guy. because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks that guys are beautiful.” I’m good so far yeah. yeah I do. SHUT THE FUCK. oh fuck, alright alright. Pete was like “oh my god, I’m so embarrassed about this dick pic.” and then I saw the dick pic and was like “ah it’s not bad.” it’s not a bad dick. let’s be real. we made Rollins Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. and Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed they were like “yo, fuck you guys!” they’re like “yo! Panic! has the fuckin’ cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fuck these dudes, we’re gonna fucking go miles above. we’re gonna hit every fuckin’ continent there is known to man.” but they didn’t because they missed a second of time. apparently they were like “oh shit, we got every continent.” and they didn’t actually hit it. dude, and Pete was like, “WHAT THE FUCK?! 'oh you didn’t fuckin’ make the continent’ it’s like FUCK YOU!” so From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fuckin’ have three-four years of awesomeness. like, people are coming in themselves 'cause it’s so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like– so Patrick’s like “yo, we are going to name these records from under the Cork tree and from Innity– from infinity on high.” Pete was like “yo folie à deux means the theatric of two.” “The madness of two.” oh sorry I’m sorry. follow boy was like “yo we got to take a break.” Meaning Pete was like “yo we got to take a break bro.” and Patrick’s like “I need time for my music. UHUhUhUHuhUUUh.” and joes like “yo I need time to find the fucking art dude I got to find some fucking me– metal” and andys like “i’m just gonna play with some fucking metal bands.” and they’re like “all right this breaks been like three years long two years long three years long 3 ½? we gotta fucking come back man we gotta come back strong.” you took my beer away what the fuck? “no you poured it all over yourself.” “yeah you poured it on yourself man here.” “we got to make this shit legit it’s gonna be fucking dope it’s going to go fucking sky high. we’re going to make a fucking record that sails the skies. we’re going to call this record save rock 'n’ roll.” so they made alone together light 'em up alone together Phoenix. and everybody’s like “what the fuck? you’re working with this guy who fuckin’ recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk.” is this pu– what the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on myself? oh god. Pete was like “yo were gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At The Disco and twenty pilots. and that’s all and that’s all that matters. and that’s just how the fuckin’ story goes