oh my god why do my teachers put up with my shit

Things the Hogwarts Houses say

(loosely based on conversations I’ve had/overheard)

Hufflepuff -

  • “If you don’t start singing along to High School Musical with me in under 30 seconds you will no longer be my best friend" 
  •  "I swear on my chicken nuggets-”
  • “Yes I made that joke up by my self - no it’s not from Spongebob Squarepants how dARE YOU-”
  • “Speaking of Spongebob can we just take a few moments to discuss how much of a masterpiece that first movie was please”
  • “Ah yes, it’s 3 in the morning, time to get emotional and tell all my friends how much I love them”
  • “You made me chocolate??? Oh my God I love you so much thank you I’ll have some right no - THIS HAS RAISINS IN IT YOU TRICKED ME
  • “Oh my God yeah I saw that movie, my favourite part was when - oh shit wait there’s this adorable kitten video I meant to show you last week and I completely forgot let me get it up on my phone”
  • “Sorry I’m late I was up all night watching those videos where kids get surprised with puppies”
  • “Are you awake? Great, let’s start planning our future homes together, I have a pinterest board ready”
  • “This is my favourite photo album! It’s full of photos of all the cats and dogs I’ve made friends with on my walks, I’ve even given them all names”
  • (crying) “Stop calling me emotional God damn it”

Ravenclaw -

  •  "Of course I remember you said you liked the colour red, you told me at like 1:35 am last year in May"
  • “What? Simplifying equations? No, I can’t help with that but I do know all the words to every Simpsons episode in the first 5 seasons if that helps"
  • “Sorry I really can’t go out today. No I’m fine, I’m just stressed I’m doing something important. I’m trying to memorise all the words to this documentary about frogs - What? Yes of course it’s important!”
  • “I discovered and fully analysed that meme 3 weeks ago, step up your game”
  • “What do you mean why do I have a folder full of strategic plans on how to succeed at animal crossing, that’s not weird?”
  • “Sir, I don’t mean to be rude but I’ve been doing my own research and you’re getting all of this wrong. Well yes I know I’m not the teacher here but - Yes, actually, I’d love to teach the class my self I’ve already made a lesson plan, thank you”
  • No, I won’t come and see Jurassic World with you. Because it’s completely unrealistic! Do you have any idea what dinosaurs are actually supposed to have sounded and looked like? Even adult velociraptors weren’t meant to be that b - OK you know what, I will come, but I’ll be pointing out every single problem to you. No, it’s too late, you already invited me. I’m buying our tickets right now, don’t move”
  • “You really think you can beat me at Mario Kart? I have spent YEARS studying this game and honing my skills, spending hours upon hours training until my hands cramp and even my tv is judging the amount of time I’ve spent playing and you think YOU can beat me? Let’s fucking go
  • “I think these guys think I want to murder them because I followed them home but it’s only because I overheard them talking about what would happen if Pokemon is real and I wanted to see how good their logic was”
  • “Shut up? Shut up? I haven’t shut up for 17 years and I’m not about to start now”
  • (crying) "I just want Shakespeare’s ghost to be proud of me”

Gryffindor - 

  • “I’d love to have a sleepover but it can only be when there’s a thunderstorm so we can dance in the rain, let me check the weather forecast”
  • “Did that bee just try and sting you? COME BACK HERE BEE YOU COWARD I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP - wait shit no run”
  • "What did you say? Don’t touch it? Alright.” (touches it as soon as the person turns away) “Sucker”
  • “Whaaat? Someone wrote on the desk? No it wasn’t me I would never do th - My name was there? Well, I’m not the only one in the world with my na - My surname was there too? What are the chances?!”
  • “Help me I started saying lmao ironically and I can’t stop”
  • “Before you say anything it wasn’t me - unless it was something awesome then I definitely planned the whole thing”
  • Excuse me? They said what to you? … I have to go for a second, I just remembered something completely unrelated. No, no, I’m not taking this fork with me for any particular reason”
  • “Um, did you just tell me it’s impossible to sing along to a guitar solo? Stand back. Your mind is about to get blown”
  • “I am so not drunk! I’m completely drunk! … Wait shit I meant sober”
  • “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU AAAH LET ME HUG YOU! I’M NOT LETTING GO FOR THE NEXT 3 HOURS, GET COMFORTABLE BITCH”
  • “I bet I can stay up for longer than you - what no I’m not tired shut up - nO THAT WASN’T A YAWN I WAS JUST SHOWING YOU WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF I WAS TIRED - SEE I DID IT AGAIN TOTALLY ON PURPO - ok fuck you I’m going to sleep”

Slytherin - 

  • “Oh my God, just tell me what you did already so I can start complaining”
  • “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Did you say STOP saying fuck, or KEEP ON saying fuck?”
  • “Over your dead body? I was hoping you’d say that”
  • “If you even LOOK at them one more time I will take a stick as big as your ego and stick it right up your-”
  • “Don’t come near me or - OK fine, we can snuggle for exactly 15 minutes. I’m setting a timer now”
  • “Hey, I saw you posted a picture of us on instagram yesterday where my eyeliner isn’t completely straight? You’re gonna have to delete that, if anyone thinks my eyeliner isn’t drop dead perfect every day and that I’m not a literal make up goddess I’ll lose my reputation as the Regina George of the school”
  • “But keep the one where I’m wearing no make up so that all those bitches know I still kill it without trying”
  • “Oh come on, you know I’d never do anything to embarrass you! Speaking of which, that video I posted on youtube the other day of you falling down the flight of escalators in the shopping centre has reached over 1000 views”
  • “My dad told me tattoos were trashy so I got a giant tattoo saying ‘trashy’ on my back I’ll send you his reaction later”
  • “I’m not a sentimental person but if you touch my teddy bear I will turn you into a stuffed trophy to put next to him”
  • “What do you mean I look smug this is my normal face”
important facts & quotes from hidden oracle reread #4 part one

i cited everything from the hardback edition bc im a nerd 

- page one apollo is already making pop culture references (1)

- meg is such a badass oh my g od (14)

- riodan does such a beautiful way of explaining things in this novels. awe-inspiring. mind blowing. example: “Her eyes glinted darkly like a crow’s. (I can make that comparison because I invented crows.)” (14-15) wow. beautiful. 

- so i understand this series is going to be about Apollo’s redemption and ~~~~finding himself~~~~ or w\e but JESUS PLEASE RICK you can’t just say “She [Meg] reminded me of the strays my sister was always adopting: dogs, panthers, homeless maidens, small dragons.” (15) WITHOUT PROVIDING SEVERAL BOOKS AS EXAMPLE FOR SAID SENTENCE all i want is a book focused on artemis and her army of small dragons and lesbians dear gods please 

- omfg can you just imagine sally having to go over to Percy’s room and having to tell him that the greek god of the sun apollo was there to see him omfg. imagine the salt. imagine both of them just groaning. imagine.

-”If I had still been an immortal, I might have flirted with her [Sally Jackson] myself.” (30-31) l o l Sally is a middle aged married woman seven months pregnant and still bringing in the gods you go girl im proud of you

- Sally Jackson is one of the best characters in the entire series. citation: every riodan book ever even the non-pjo it’s a fact 

- i 10000% support the idea that percy gave apollo the led zeppelin shirt as a sneaky joke he’s so smart i love him so much

- “Percy laced his fingers. They were long and nimble.”(35) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- He [Percy] would have made an excellent musician.” (35) f u ck 

- literally all percy wants is to “stay alive” long enough to go to college, meet his baby sister, and see his mom get her book published my heart is broken for this boy (35-36)

- the return of the seven layer dip fuck me up (40)

- jfc that poor Prius it’s been through so much (52-54)

- page 67 and Percy’s already made two comic book references he’s such a canon nerd 

- “Cops love me almost as much as teachers do.” god Percy Jackson what are you doing to me

- apollo tried to order a pizza to CHB and honestly same (73)

- g o d will solace jfc wow

- we’re to assume Will’s a skier (his Okemo Mountain jacket & skiers tan) (82) and now i have to write the inevitable fic that comes out of this fact

- Will’s mom was a alt.-country singer from Austin, Texas (83) which wow and honestly makes the fact will is a horrible singer 1000% better

- yellow daises grow year-round in the Apollo cabin, and it smells like fresh linens and dried sage. (83)

- kayla is aiming for the olympics and honestly im so proud already 

- fact: any and all solangelo interaction have me crying into my book 

- “Will put his hand on Nico’s shoulder, ‘Nico, we need to have another talk about your people skills.’” lol this implies that they’ve had this talk before and im dying to hear it

- the Hermes kids are big fans of Rocky Horror Picture Show (95) and now i have to write a seperate list of headcanons for this fact

- speaking of, Apollo used to cosplay as Rocky bc why not. (95-96)

- listen i know im solangelo trash BUT - “Will and Nico sat shoulder to shoulder, bantering good-naturedly. They were so cute together it made me feel desolate.” im destroyed (110)

- “but if I sit alone at my table, strange things happen.” “it’s a mood disorder” “i cant control it” stfu nico u nerd u just want to sit with your boyfriend im dead (110)

- Will nodded serenely. “It’s the strangest thing. Not that Nico would ever misuse his powers to get what he wants.” death to goody-two-shoes will solace 2k17

- off topic but CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE CHIRON THO. like. this happens and will and nico are just standing there. in front of him. telling him they have to sit together OR NICO WILL JUST HAPPEN TO PUT CRACKS INTO HIS CAMP. just imagine. him staring at them. sighing. deciding not to fight this one. agreeing & watching them giggle away bc they’re so SNEAKY & now they can EAT TOGETHER WOW 

-   lol when Meg was going to town on the hot dogs and “Julia and Alice watched her with a mixture of fascination and horror.” (111)

- “Will and Nico exchanged a look that might have meant, here we go.” (112) okay im sorry im just sO GONE FOR LITTLE MOMENTS LIKE THIS I JUST WANT NICO TO BE HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE IN HIS RELATIONSHIPS OKAY

- apollo refers to the seven as “the A-list” (112) same tho

- Jason, Piper, Coach Hedge, Mellie and baby Chuck are all in LA with Piper’s father like???? (113) THIS IS SOMETHING I NEED TO SEE? What’s the living arrangement? Is Jason living with Piper? OH GOD IS JASON LIVING WITH HEDGE AND MELLIE? DO THEY ALL LIVE IN SOME BIG PLACE PIPER’S DAD RENTED OUT???? do Piper and Jason babysit? do they have family dinners? how’s baby chuck doing??? how are they all adjusting to domestic life?? I NEED TO KNOW THIS IS ALL VERY IMPORTANT TO ME 

- lol nico’s just as pissed as eveRYONE IN THE FANDOM about Leo’s not-death and im living for it (113)

- also nico carries around Leo’s lil ‘IM ALIVE LOL’ letter\hologram\thing? like i get it was completely for the plot but?????? “i look at it whenever i want to get angry” (114) like ok nico u lil bean whatever u say u little emo shit

- apollo’s little ‘lol when u have a headache in olympus hephaestus just cracks open your skull and removes whatever brain god\dess u just birthed up lol it’s so much easier ugh’ (116) w h a t t h e f u c k 

- fact: harley is adorable no citation needed

- also you’re telling me chiron, basically as old as time itself tbh, doesn’t speak portuguese? k (120)

- “i am merely assessing how well paolo’s arms are functioning after surgery” (120) those are some big words william u nervous or something??

- “hmph” - nico di angelo, 2016 (120) 

- this isn’t really important but there’s a satyr named herbert and he’s my new favorite character sorry i dont make the rules (124)

- ok so there’s an unnamed random camper who mutters in Italian (127) and now i’ve got the BIGGEST headcanon that this random girl and Nico (omg maybe a few others????) meet a few times a month just to rant to each other in Italian so none of them get sloppy with the language and u g h im such a bitch for nico di angelo frienships

- “A boy in the crowd gasped, ‘she’s a communist!’” (127) i fucking hate this book omfg

i’ll do more later in order to mentally prepare myself for the dark prophecy but it’s 3 am and im tired  

Polydads

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“Ain’t nothing beat couch cereal.” She declared to the empty room and dug into her delicious and dangerously sugary cereal.

Almost immediately after taking a bite out of her cereal, she heard footsteps coming from her dad’s room, but, when she glanced up, she saw Damien walking by her.

“Good morning, Amanda dear.” Damien greeted.

“Mornin.” Amanda responded. She KNEW it. Her dad and Damien had been getting pretty close, so it wasn’t a completely wild assumption that they would start dating. And, of course, the footsteps she heard must be…

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Summary: The reader is drunk and she tries to have sex with her best friend Jensen.

Prompt: “Why are you in my bed?!”

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Requested: @supernaturalgirl85


Jensen tiredly drudges up the stairs in his Malibu home, grumpy as all hell. He just lost $2,000 at a poker game and it’s safe to say that he’s ripshit.

Although he’s not concerned about actually losing the money, being a successful movie director has set his ass up for life.

It’s just the fact that he lost. He’s a competitive fucker, always has been and always will be. It’s in his DNA.

And to add fuel to the fire, his friends refused to give him another chance to win back his money. Claiming it’s too late and they needed to call it a night. It’s only midnight for Christ’s sake. Old bastards.

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Close as Strangers

Close as Strangers: Chapter One

You were happy it was your last year of school. That was until you had to start tutoring your old best friend, Jeon Jungkook. Otherwise known as “Mr. Popular.” 

Word count: 5.6k

Genre: High School au, angst

This was my 5sos story I started on Wattpad but I wanted to do a BTS version.

{Playlist} Parts: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven |eight | nine | ten | eleven | twelve


It was August 20th, the first day of senior year. You were pretty excited, you honestly felt this was going to be a great year. You guess you were also happy this was the last year of high school. You got up and turned off your alarm. Your phone read, 7:15. You’d only lived a couple of  minutes away from school, so you could afford to sleep in a little more.

You got up and grabbed your uniform out of your closet. Yet another reason to be excited about this school year, you only had to wear this god awful thing one more year. You got dressed and went to the bathroom, going through your morning routine. Once you were done and ready you grabbed your backpack and headed downstairs. You went into the kitchen and saw your mom and dad eating breakfast.

Your dad looked up from the paper, “Y/N, look at you. You’re up before noon, how does that feel,” his smile was contagious.

“Forced,” You smiled.  

He laughed and went back to his paper. “Y/N,” your mom spoke.

“Yes ma'am?”

She walked over to the table handing you two paper sacks. “Your and Yoongi’s lunch for today.”

You smiled and looked up at her, “Thanks Mom.”

“Sure,” she spoke as she sat down at the table. You’d started to eat some toast that was on the table when Yoogi rushed in.

“Sorry I’m late,” Yoongi shouted from the hallway as he came into the kitchen.

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How shitty my old middle school was

- A seventh grader literally got put in detention for wearing an “I support Trump” T-shirt

- We had an old principal, a nice lady, but she retired. So we got a new one, and she was a real bitch.

- The new principal banned my autistic older brother from being in a play just because he started having an anxiety attack during class and ran towards the classroom door to go to the bathroom, when a teacher yelled at him and he left anyways. But he was having an ANXIETY ATTACK! He is AUTISTIC! He can’t help it. I got so freaking mad.

- New principal caught me at my locker without a hall pass (we didnt have hall passes) because I needed to get my books and I was late to school and I arrived during second period. Got a visit to our counselor (passive aggressive cunt) and detention.

- The nurse had you lay down on the beds no matter what was wrong. Headache? Tylenol and bed. Sprained ankle? Tylenol and bed.

- I found a rock in my pasta, hair in my mashed potatoes, and I’m lactose intolerant, so I cant have milk, but my friend gets milk a lot, and every time it was chunky. It’s not the best experience when you have to chew your milk.

- They treated my autistic brother like a toddler. “Honey, do you want us to cut up your pizza?” “Do you know how to make a fraction into a decimal? That’s ok, I’ll help you every step of the way!” Like bitch no wtf. He’s capable of taking care of himself.

- A seventh grade “couple” was caught having sex in the boys locker room. Kids, just… don’t have sex until at least junior year. Please.

- In my 8th grade year, fidget spinners were “the shit” apparently and a lot of people who were not autistic claimed to be just so they could play with their spinners during class. Hey, look, another reason why fidget spinners are fucking useless. They spin. Woooow, technology!

- I wanted to make cupcakes for everyone to congratulate us for making it to eighth grade and graduating, but my principal shot me down. I made a sign up form for people who wanted cupcakes. I passed it around class and shit. I put a column on the form that read “any allergies? If yes, I will not put it in the cupcake.” Which was required for making people things. And I have done this before. I made people cookies, chocolates, and cupcakes for a while. I was known as “Bakery Santa”. But she still wouldnt let me. Now, this new principal bitch has been around since fifth grade, so I was done with her shit. She actually wanted me to have a meeting with her and the nurse about everyones allergies, which would eventually still been shot down. I was done following her dumbass rules. I made cupcakes, and decorated the shit out of them. Pinterest to the max. Oh yes. I handed them out during lunch and recess, and it was *glorious*. And all of the teachers at my middle school were uptight tight bun bitches. And my peers also hated these teachers. So during class, where we were obviously not allowed to eat, kids started fucking whipping out cupcakes and eating them and it was bitchin’. I was in some of the classes where this happened. And in gym, where everyone hated the teacher (a literal fuckboi douchebag) people brought their cupcakes to the mile run. They would stop running and sit down on the field and eat cupcakes. Oh my god. I felt like the god of this school.

I am a freshman in highschool now, so sadly I cant get any more stories. But I am very happy I am not in that shitty hellhole anymore.

I wanna tell you a story

This is a story of how assholes in the workplace can fuck with ADA compliance

Let me make this pretty fucking clear, first as a prologue to this story A disability isn’t just the actual thing wrong with you. It’s the anxiety that goes along with being stuck, the fear of having an episode, the constant stress of avoiding an episode, the difficulties of adapting to the environment. It’s also pain management, moderating how much you do in a shift, and so on. It is also the emotional trauma that comes with the physical disability.

Let me tell you about myself. I have very limited vision. I fake being sighted very well because I knew what it was like to have sight. But I’ve been mostly blind now for almost 22 years. It gets worse every year as I age. I have constant difficulty adapting. So if my phone (which I use as a visual aid) starts to die, it upsets me. If I get disoriented, it can trigger anxiety attacks. If the light is too bright, or I don’t have my sunglasses, or I simply have a bad day, it triggers a migraine. Those migraines are physically debilitating. My immune system has a hair trigger. Stress triggers all sorts of horrible attacks from skin to lung. And then there’s the emotional frustration and suffering that goes with this.

But never mind that shit. It’s shit you can’t see, right, so it must not be real. I deal with it, because I know how insensitive able-bodied people can be. I put up with it and I manage it, but sometimes I can’t anymore, and I just need a fucking break. But when that happens, because I seldom mention it, people treat me as if I’m hysterical. I’m not. I just need my fifteen minutes of silence where someone isn’t telling me how to live. So yeah, I don’t often talk about my disability unless it comes up and has something to do with physically being able to do my job. I’ve never had a job I couldn’t do, if some minor changes were made, and I always had great employers who helped make those changes. However…it’s not just the place and the way things are done that need alteration. Sometimes it’s the people too.

And now we are to the story.

I used to have this job that involved me being out on a floor, chatting to people. Anyway, I got into a conversation with one of my coworkers while we were just sitting there, and I mentioned that I have bad vision.

She was stunned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m legally blind. It’s a long story.”

And it’s one I like to avoid telling in this kind of environment, but the trouble is, once you’ve said that you have a disability, able people want to fucking push. They want to test you, or they’re curious, and they feel they have the right to know, and so by god you better tell them, or you’re obviously a liar. And yeah, you can say to yourself that that isn’t what you’re doing, but it is a story you’re telling yourself to feel better. To the person receiving that kind of treatment, it’s insensitive, intrusive, and can actually trigger symptoms.

It’s like if you discuss your condition you give up the right to have boundaries. I now know how to say to people, “you don’t have the right to know that about me, and right now you’re triggering my anxiety by reminding me of all the fucking doctors visits I had to sit through where they injected me with dye that caused anaphylaxis and stabbed needles into my eye,” but at the time of this story, I didn’t know what to say, besides answering the question.

So I gave a very shortened version of why I am legally blind. She kept questioning me. Can I drive, can I read, can I this, can I that? But what about all the times I’ve seen you do this, or that, or whatever? Did you try eating kale, did you try this, did you try that? I finally said, “I went to some of the best specialists on earth for over six years. I’m just a freak of nature, and you’re actually making me really uncomfortable right now.”

This was because her questions had become hostile, judgemental, and disrespectful. She assumed that because my condition is idiopathic (unknown cause), it must not be real. She assumed that because she’d seen me look at things, I must be able to see them. She acted on that idea by being aggressive, acting as if she knows more about the human eye than I do. You want to know about how much I know about the human eye?

When I was in high school, I was in AP anatomy (I had to have a dedicated lab partner to dissect things for me, because you don’t want a blind person holding a scalpel, but that was fine). When the segment on the eye came along…my teacher asked me to teach the class..cold. No preparation. He did this because I had been getting picked on for my condition, and he wanted to show that my condition made me stronger. I walked up to the transparency machine, and I taught the fucking class. Not just an in-depth explanation of the anatomy of the eye, but the way it works, how the brain processes it, the various dysfunctions it can have, and then people began asking how my vision worked, and for the first time, I got to explain to my class (the same people who knew me BEFORE I lost my vision) how I see.

By the end of that hour, kids understood, and they never made fun of me again.

That’s how much I have known about the eye since I was 15 years old. And here’s this fucking woman, insinuating that I am making more out of it than it is, telling me I probably have too alkaline a diet, or this that and the other.

I finally said to her, “This is really bothering me, can we change the subject?”

She says “Did you go to a priest?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, doctors don’t know anything. Did you go to a priest and pray?”

“I’m an atheist, and I don’t think any of this is your business.”

“Well, that’s your problem. You didn’t pray enough. That’s why you’re sick and why your eyes don’t work.”

You didn’t pray enough.

I looked her right in the place where her eye would be if I could see her fucking face and said, “At the time this happened, I was 14. My step father was a minister and I went to church every Sunday. I’m an atheist because my illness brought up a lot of issues and never offered anything but fear. Are you seriously going to sit there and tell me that I was sick because I didn’t pray?”

And you know what she said to me? “You obviously were a sinner then and never repented.” And then…

THEN..

She starts singing a fucking hymn at me.

I got up, shaking with rage, I walked over to my boss and explained that I was leaving. She asked why, was going to argue with me that my shift wasn’t up, except that she saw me and understood that if I didn’t leave, i was going to hurt someone. I told her that I had just been treated so badly, it was actually causing me to have hives (which it was), and that I knew I was going to have a migraine very soon. I didn’t wait for her to answer. I just left. I walked down the street to a store and called my best friend Angela. Angela is the daughter of an ex-priest (who came out and married a man) and a nun (who also has a chronic illness) and when Angela was born, she had a rare heart defect that resulted in a massive stroke at the age of 1. She has had FIVE open heart surgeries to rebuild and repair her heart. She is chronically ill in ways I cannot imagine. She is also intelligent, caring, manages a support network and charity for people with heart conditions, helps raise my niece, and oh yeah…is religious, but the kind of religious I like because she really lives by the words.

When I told her what this woman did to me, she was absolutely speechless. The fact that anyone would say a child deserved to be given a horrible illness and suffer, because they were a sinner and needed to beg for forgiveness is fucking gross. If that’s how her god operates, fuck him. If that’s how grace functions, then fucking count me out.

I spent two hours sitting on a park bench, shaking from head to toe, in pain, my skin reacting to the stress with welts and hives. Within about thirty minutes, I got my migraine warnings. These happen to me whenever I am under serious stress, because my blood pressure increases, and when this happens, it puts pressure into my eye. This causes a chain reaction. I finally made it home, and quit that job two weeks later, because every time I had to work with that woman, it gave me the most horrible anxiety.

I kept expecting her to try and bless me, or demand I go to her priest, or try and tell me that I should stop taking my medications, or mock me, or call me a sinner. Tell me I was going to hell…because obviously sickness is a sign of sin. And she low key did, and that was enough, but the anticipation of having to see her every day…that’s what killed me.

SO GET THIS THROUGH YOUR FUCKING HEADS ABLE-BODIED PEOPLE

A disability isn’t just the physical problem. It’s the PTSD of dealing with operations, doctors, interrogations, tests, surgeries, and on and on. It’s pain management and exhaustion. It’s depression and frustration. It’s anxiety triggered by people being insensitive pricks (and in my case, the triggering of my immune system when under stress). It’s the constant strain of trying to adapt and perform as well as others. It’s the constant worry that someone will behave toward you in a way that is condescending, and that you will have to fight, once again, to be treated fairly.

THAT’S A FUCKING DISABILITY.

Imagine what you might feel if I took your arm away. Imafine what you’d feel if a person made fun of you, told you to get over it, told you that you didn’t pray enough. Now imagine it’s a disability they can’t see. How do they act? Like you’re a fucking liar who makes shit up to get attention. And they treat you like that too. I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard from people who have told me that when their co-workers found out they had a disability, people were told to get out, to quit, were harassed, had equipment sabotaged…

So when you make your workplace ADA compliant, think about the people you have on your team and handle that shit too. Get rid of employees or contractors who are going to destroy the productivity of a disabled worker, because I can fucking promise you something: if you don’t, it will cost you. I was damn good at that job. When I left, my boss begged me not to. She even offered to fire the other girl, but by then I was already so over the job and the people and the place, that it was way more trouble than I could handle. I was better at my job than she was, and because of her bullshit, my boss lost a good employee, and then eventually fired the other one too. Disabled people have more fucking work ethic than you can imagine. Can you even comprehend what it takes me to live on a daily basis? It’s WORK. And If I can work through life AND work through your shitty job, you’re going to really be pissed if I leave.

Disabled people can contribute, but they need those around them to grasp what they’re dealing with. It’s not about pity. It’s not about going easy on us. We can handle difficulty, because we do every day. It’s about being mindful and decent. It’s about having fucking common sense.

So maybe I should add to my list of ways to deal with partially sighted or blind people DON’T FUCKING SING HYMNS OVER THEM OR SUGGEST GOD PUNISHED THEM FOR NOT PUTTING THEIR BIKE AWAY BY STRIKING THEM DOWN WITH BLINDNESS.

Dirty thoughts

Pairings: Sirius Black x reader

word count: 3058

warnings: um, implied smut? 

A/N: I hope you like this, it came to my mind some days ago. English is not my first language and i am doing my best, so please whether you like it or not, please let me know. It’s really important because I want to become a better writer. :) ♥ Oh, and if you want a request feel free to ask, just know that it may not be up really fast due to my filled schedule :) 

______________________________________________________________

Originally posted by potter-imagines-here

He was standing in front of me and was studying my shape. That made me nervous so I was looking at the floor. I felt those familiar rough and at the same time soft fingers slowly moving from the neck to my jaw, titling me head up in order to see him in the eyes. He smirked and got nearer, his skin barely touching mine.

“You have no idea what I am planning to do to you, sweetheart.”, his voice sent shivers down my spine after he whispered those words. Then his lips met my soft skin just below the ear. Moaning I tried to burry my hand in his raven black hair but the boy stopped me. Pushing me lightly I fell on the bed. He hovered above me and then I saw the desire in his eyes. I licked, then bit my lips at the thought what he can do to me.

“I’m all yours. Show me what you are capable of.”, I titillate him. That caused only a devilish grin. His hand ripped my shirt and within seconds his skillful mouth was exploring my curves…

“Come on (Y/N)! We must go!”, somebody shouted so loud in my ear that I fell on the hard floor.

“Are you crazy!? What the hell is your problem? You want me to become deaf or something?”, I screamed back.

“Well, you weren’t waking up so I had to do something.”, Lily, my roommate, said back, “Come on, dress up! We will be late for class.”, in response I groaned, not only my ass was hurting, but because she woke me up from my dream that was just becoming interesting. However, just as I saw the time, my almost wet dream popped out of my head and I started dressing. We had Potions and I didn’t want to get in trouble because of my dirty thoughts.

Somehow we managed to get in class just seconds before the teacher did.

“How is my sweetheart? Did she get enough sleep or she kept thinking ‘bout me?”, the familiar voice I had heard in my dreams asked.

“You are not so important to occupy my dreams.”, I looked at him with a smirk, trying to cover the fact that I was lying.

“You are hurting me, (Y/L/N)!”, placing his hand on his chest, where his heart was supposed to be, he acted as though he had been hurt, “Not caring about your boyfriend?”

“You are such a drama queen.”, I smiled.

“No, no, no! I’m a sexy drama queen.”, his façade as a hurt child continued.

“Well, here I cannot quarrel.”

“Oh, and…”, leaning closer to me he whispered, “You were indeed in my dreams last night.”

Those words immediately made my face turn red. I bit my lips and looked down, hiding my smile.

“You are so sweet when you are blushing.”, he stated as he placed his head on both his hands looking as a child admiring something, ”Oh, here you are blushing even more because of my compliments, which are actually true.”, that boy really didn’t know when to stop, “You are becoming as red as my tie sweetie, is it even possible?”

“Stop it, Sirius!”, he was right, I felt my face burning but at the same time I couldn’t stop smiling because of him.

“Why?”, my boyfriend asked simply while looking at me with an innocent look.

“I-um…I just wanna focus.”

“Yeah, sure.”, and with that our conversation finished. I was doing fine for the first five minutes. Then Sirius put his hand on my bare hip. My body immediately tensed. I was used to it, Sirius was really touchy and liked to show that I was his but this time it was different. I glanced at him but it seemed that he was interested in the boring lecture. I put all my efforts in trying to do the same, but Sirius’ hand was burning my skin. The only thing that was roaming in my mind was me, my boyfriend and some dirty things I’d never thought I would think of. I moved slightly so Sirius’ hand would just fall or something but that didn’t happen, he even moved it upwards. I bit my lip in order to stop the moan that was about to escape my mouth. That was it! I removed his hand, something I didn’t do and looked directly at the teaching trying to look as though everything he had been saying was so freaking intriguing. Yet I managed to catch Sirius’ head turning towards me. Usually I liked him touching me and now I hoped that this didn’t make him see that something was not alright.  

Sirius was staring at me almost the whole lesson and it was a torture, honestly. I didn’t want him to feel bad about that my hormones are ‘activated’. But thankfully the class finished soon.

“Hey, (Y/N), wha-”, as Sirius was about to turn and say something I stormed out of the room heading towards my next lesson – Transfiguration. The good news was that my sexy boyfriend had Herbology and I could focus without a problem. Ha, ha, ha! Guess what?! He was stuck in my mind. His simple movement filled me with desire and it was only 9 o’clock in the morning. That slight touch on my hips and bam I’m head over heels for him. Not that I wasn’t but this feeling was kind of new, it drove me crazy. And on top of this everything I did in class was wrong that I had my house with 15 points down. ‘That stupid bastard! Who gave him the right to affect me that way?! Idiot, fucking sexy idiot!’

We’d been dating for almost 8 months but sex was never a topic. Yeah, we did make sex jokes but only that. Something in me believed that Sirius knew this experience was unfamiliar to me and didn’t push me although he was probably suffering from not training his lil’ friend which made me love him even more. But now, somehow used to all the stress about the exams and homework my body finally decided it was time to get what it wanted. Sirius and I of course had passionate moments but only that.

The whole day I’d been trying to ignore him in order to reduce my feelings but as all my efforts through the day…nothing, I repeat nothing succeed. Again lost in my thoughts, searching for something that will occupy my mind I didn’t notice my boyfriend who was searching for me. He pushed me against the nearest wall and got me out of trance.

“We need to talk. Now.”, he stated slowly with his deep and sexy voice. I gulped nervously and as I tried to get out of that situation he stopped me with putting his hands on the wall so I won’t escape. I observed him remembering each detail. His shirt was enlacing his body so perfectly that his muscles were visible. The sleeves were rolled up just above his elbow. I bit my lips and continue my research. His jaw was clenched, and those soft and pinky lips were just inches away from me. Oh, I was dying to kiss them at that moment but did anything to hold that control over my body. And then, finally, his orbits. There was something in him, something in his eyes. If you ever meet that look, then you would understand what I mean. Those cold grey eyes had so much fire in them, fire that managed to ignite my cells, my body. I was burning from desire for those hands around me, those lips connecting with mine and sucking my soul out of my vessel. He was dangerous. Like a spark in a dry forest. Only one look and I was turning into ash, ash of passion and love.

“There is something.”

“What do you mean that there is something, Sirius?”, I tried to play dumb.

“You cannot lie to me, (Y/L/N) and you know that.”, he came closer and I tried to move backwards but the stupid wall was behind me. ‘Stupid Hogwarts teachers, why making a wall just there?!’

“You are wrong, honey. I’m fine.”, faking a smile had to make him believe me but that naïve dog with super senses could detect all my lies.

“Then why are you running away from me as though I am the devil?”

Those questions and that sexy provoking way of talking were getting me out of my skin.

“Maybe because you are!”, as I told that my eyes got wide.

“Have I done something?”, he asked simply.

“Yes, yes you did!”, crossing my arms I looked away.

“What is it?”

“You are hot and sexy and seductive and, urgh!”

“Wait, what?”, it seemed my statement confused him so I used the opportunity to escape. Just as he realized what I was doing he grabbed my hand and stopped me, “You are ignoring me because you find me attractive. Oh god, what a logic.”, he laughed.

“Don’t you dare laughing you idiot.”, I got out of his grip. Trying to look angry I began walking towards my next class. He tried to stop me but thank goodness the room was like 2 meters away and he didn’t manage to tell anything more. ‘What a bastard! How can he laugh about it? He has no idea how this situation is affecting me. Oh, he will regret this!’

The rest of the day went almost quietly. Sirius was nowhere to be seen. That calmed me down and I was able to concentrate on my homework and essays for tomorrow. As I was studying in the library someone say opposite me on the table. I looked up hoping it wasn’t Sirius. When I saw it was Remus I relaxed.

“Hi, Rem!”, I said with a bright smile.

“Hello (Y/N)! Can I sit?”

“Of course, why are you even asking?”, I took some of my books to make space for his belongings.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Just being polite.”

“Rem, I know you pretty well, no need to act as the good boy.”, I winked at him.

“What are you talking about? I am the most innocent person in the whole school, more innocent even from the virgins.”, he stated while laughing.

“Oh, do not be so sure.”, and here we went again, my desires unlocking again.

“Is there something in common with what Sirius had said?”, the boy asked as he opened his books searching for the needed information.

“What had he said? By the way, where is he?”

“Oh, he said and I quote ‘I am too hot and sexy and seductive for my girlfriend and I will give her some time without distracting her’”

“He what?!”, the anger filled me immediately.

“I, um-shit, shouldn’t have said it.”

“Where is he?”

“I-”

“Where is that little bastard, Remus?”, I should have looked really scary because the only response I got was a stuttering answer that my boyfriend was in his dormitory.

I collected all my things in fury and stormed out of the library. ‘Sirius! You better hope that I do not find you!’ Reaching the Gryffindor common room I said the password and got in. The only people there were Lily and James who stopped snogging as I entered. But I was too angry to think about how they finally became a thing.

“Where the hell is Black?”, I said though clenched teeth.

“Oh, um…”, they looked at each other confused then Lily answered, “In the boys’ dormitory.”

I threw my bag with the books on the coach and ascended the stairs. Seconds later I was in front of the door and almost ‘kicked’ it down. Sirius was standing in front of his wardrobe and when I showed with such rage his eyes widened. I entered the room without breaking an eye contact and locked the door.

“(Y/N)!”

“Sirius! I’m glad we know each other’s names.”

He tried to start a conversation but I stopped him.

“How is my hot and sexy and seductive boyfriend going?”

“Moony told you?”, he then continued doing what he was doing to wit untying his tie.

“Yes, he did!”, the view in front of me was so tempting which made even angrier and horny - a bad combination for a girl with raging hormones.

“I don’t understand why you are angry right now.”, he let his tie untied around his neck and looked at me smirking.

“You are making me insane right now.”

“And what are you gonna do then sweetheart?”, coming closer he sent me that challenging look. I grabbed him by the tie and pushed him against the door. Getting closer I whispered

“You won’t wanna know.” and then I attacked his neck with wet kisses.

“Wha- oh, shit.”, he moaned as I reached his weak spot just behind his year. Burying my hands in his soft dark hair I made him come closer so I can kiss him. It was hard to be dominant with such a giant. When our lips connected I felt that it was different than before. The kiss was rough and passionate. I bit his lower lip and used the opportunity to slide my tongue inside his mouth. Those strong arms I knew so well found their place on my ass. I jumped and wrapped my legs around him. Our tongues were fighting and he wasn’t about to surrender. Changing our position, he slammed me up against the wall and tried to gain control but I stopped immediately although I didn’t wish to. I unwrapped my legs and set foot on the floor. Sirius stood there amazed and maybe…shocked? I licked my lips and that lit the desire in his eyes. I saw my lipstick smudged on his lips which made him even hotter.

“I- woah, what just happened?”

“You saw nothing, Black.”, walking toward him he was backing up - that was the only thing his body could do at that moment. I grabbed his shirt and ripped it off, buttons flying everywhere, “You have no idea how many times I imagined doing this.” After that I pushed him so he landed on the bed. Holding his body weight on his elbow he looked at me puzzled. Honestly I had no clue where that confidence came from, especially knowing what was about to happen but I decided to indulge the feeling. Slowly I unbuttoned my shirt throwing it on the floor. Then I slid my skirt down so slowly that caused my beloved boyfriend to groan at the sight. Removing my shoes I stood there only in my black laced bra and panties. Thanks god I was wearing the sexy set of underwear.

Sirius licked his lips and scanned my body. Believe it or not his friend immediately raised which made me chuckle. I hovered above my poor boy and looked him in the eyes. There was excitement, confusion and desire at the same time. Pushing him slightly so he would lay on the bed I positioned my legs from both sides of his body. Staying inches away from each other was killing us. He did want to do something but there was a thing stopping him.

“You used to be touchy. Is there a problem?”, I asked not even confused. Deep inside I felt everything was quite right.

“Moony and Prongs were right. You’ll be the death of me.”, chuckling he finally placed his hands on my lips moving them up and down, along my back and then back on my tights, “You just took my breath away, darling. I’ve never expected such an innocent girl to hide such a dangerous sex goddess.”

Those words made me do something. I’d never thought I could make him feel this way. Being the fuckboy of the school, well before we got together, always made me insecure about my body and abilities. I’d never felt good enough for that boy, and I kept telling myself I was just a toy. I was filled with fear of being rejected; being left from the boy I truly loved.  When we first met I found him too arrogant and cocky but with time passing I managed to look though that façade and see the poor boy, who was dismissed from his own family. A boy that had been hardly understood. A boy that wanted to hide his soft and vulnerable side. When I was with him he was himself, never hiding, never faking his emotions although he could do it pretty well.

My mouth was moving along his chest, stomach and right above his boxers. Sirius was a mess. Every time we had sex he was the dominant one, I’d never felt confident to do such a thing only because I thought I wouldn’t make him feel good. Apparently, I was wrong. Hearing my boy moaning me name was a pleasure for my ears. I licked a line from the bottom to his neck never breaking eye contact. He bit his lips and then threw his head back laughing.

“Oh, god!”

“What? Don’t have the strength to bear this?” , his grey eyes were looking at me dangerously and yet passionately.

“Is that a challenge?”

“Maybe.”, instantly he put his hand on my head and draw me closer. Connecting our lips for a hundredth time that night, Sirius once again tried to dominant me.

“You won’t give me a chance, huh?”

“I want you so desperately that I cannot control myself, babe.”

As I reached my back to unclasp my bra, somebody opened, no, almost broke the freaking door.

“Sirius, I need to-”, James stopped in the middle of his sentence and in the middle of the room shocked. His eyes were moving from me to Sirius and back.

“(Y/n), what are you doing on top of Sirius?”, I was asked simply.

“What may I be doing on top of my boyfriend half naked, Potter?”

“Oooh”, the reality hit his face “You look sexy on him I can confirm.”

“Go away Prongs!”, I and Sirius both said and threw pillows at him.

“Okay, okay, I am leaving. Those little kids and their hormones… ”, he said while closing the door.

“Remind me to kill him later.”, we both laughed and then looked at each other.

“Now, where were we?”

Peter Parker - Its Not An Internship

this was not requested but i loved writing it, it is a peter parker x stark! reader imagine!! i hope you enjoy it and there will be a definite part two!!

part 2

requests are open:))

Originally posted by parkrpeters

i smiled as i heard the door chime ring. the usual nerdy boy who usually sported science puns on his clothing walked in. his friend was quick behind him trying to speak quietly but it obviously wasn’t working out for him.

“peter this is amazing, we have to tell everyone” the friend of the brown hair’d boy attempted to whisper but it was loud enough for me to hear. his hands were flailing in the air excitedly while peter just looked annoyed.

“ned shut up!” peter snapped at his friend ned. he looked back at him he sent a glare his way as they both pulled out their books from their bag.

“okay the teacher was making no sense tod-” peters friend began rambling on and on about something but my eyes were focused on him, the way his eyes scanned through the text, the way his smile starts at the far corners of his mouth.

i was starring from the counter pretending to be at the cash register but no one was paying. someone bumped my hip, i looked up to see my co-worker olivia nod her head toward the table. i blushed while grabbing a note pad and a pen.

Keep reading

Full Esquire Interview - CHRIS EVANS IS READY TO FIGHT

“HIS SUCCESS AS CAPTAIN AMERICA HAS MADE CHRIS EVANS ONE OF HOLLYWOOD’S SURE THINGS, WHICH MEANS HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS WITH HIS FREE TIME. SO WHY JUMP OUT OF AIRPLANES AND GET INTO IT WITH DAVID DUKE?

BY MAXIMILLIAN POTTERMAR 15, 2017


The Canadian commandos are the first to jump. Our plane reaches an altitude of about eight thousand feet; the back door opens. Although it’s a warm winter day below in rural southern California, up here, not so much. In whooshes freezing air and the cold reality that this is actually happening. Out drop the eight commandos, all in black-and-red camouflage, one after the other. For them it’s a training exercise, and Jesus, these crazy bastards are stoked. The last Canuck to exit into the nothingness is a freakishly tall stud with a crew cut and a handlebar mustache; just before he leaps, he flashes a smile our way. Yeah, yeah, we get it: You’re a badass.

Moments later, the plane’s at ten thousand feet, and the next to go are a Middle Eastern couple in their late thirties. These two can’t wait. They are ecstatic. Skydiving is clearly a thing for them. Why? I can’t help thinking. Is it like foreplay? Do they rush off to the car after landing and get it on in the parking lot? They give us the thumbs-up and they’re gone.

Just like that, we’re at 12,500 feet and it’s our turn. Me and Chris Evans, recognized throughout the universe as the star of the Marvel-comic-book-inspired Captain America and Avengers movies. The five films in the series, which began in 2011 with Captain America: The First Avenger, have grossed more than $4 billion.

The two of us, plus four crew members, are the only ones left in the back of the plane. Over the loud drone of the twin propellers, one of the crew members shouts, "Okay, who’s going first?”

Evans and I are seated on benches opposite each other. Neither of us answers. I look at him; he looks at me. I feel like I’ve swallowed a live rat. Evans is over there, all Captain America cool, smiling away.

While we were waiting to board the plane, Evans told me that as he lay in bed the night before, “I started exploring the sensation of ‘What if the chute doesn’t open?’. . .”

Oh, did you now?

“. . .Those last minutes where you know.” As in you know you’re going to fatally splat. “You’re not gonna pass out; you’re gonna be wide awake. So what? Do I close my eyes? Hopefully, it would be quick. Lights out. I fucking hope it would be quick. And then I was like, if you’re gonna do it, let’s just pretend there is no way this is going to go wrong. Just really embrace it and jump out of that plane with gusto.” Evans also shared that he’d looked up the rate of skydiving fatalities. “It’s, like, 0.006 fatalities per one thousand jumps. So I figure our odds are pretty good.”

Again the crew member shouts, “Who’s going first?”

Again I look at Evans; again he looks at me. The rat is running circles in my belly.

I look at Evans; he looks at me.

Another crew member asks, “So whose idea was this, anyway?”


That’s an excellent question.

I ask Evans the same thing when we first meet, the evening before our jump, at his house. He lives atop the Hollywood Hills, in a modern-contemporary ranch in the center of a Japanese-style garden. The place has the vibe of an L.A. meditation retreat—there’s even a little Buddha statue on the front step.

The dude who opens the front door is in jeans, a T-shirt, and Nikes; he has on a black ball cap with the NASA logo, and his beard is substantial enough that for a second it’s hard to be sure this is the same guy who plays the baby-faced superhero. Our handshake in the doorway is interrupted when his dog rockets toward my crotch. Evans is sorry about that.

We do the small-talk thing. Evans is from a suburb of Boston, one of four kids raised by Dad, a dentist, and Mom, who ran a community theater. The point is, he’s a Patriots fan, and with Super Bowl LI, between the Pats and the Falcons, just a few days away at the time, it’s about the only thing on his mind. You bet your Sam Adams–guzzling ass he’s going to the game in Houston. “Oh my God,” he says, doing a little dance. “I can’t believe it’s this weekend.”

Like any self-respecting Pats fan, Evans is super-wicked pissed at NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Evans won’t be rolling to SB LI with a posse of Beantown-to-Hollywood A-listers like Mark Wahlberg, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck. For the record, he’s never met Damon, and his only interaction with Wahlberg was a couple years ago at a Patriots event. Evans has, however, humiliated himself in front of Affleck.

Around 2006, Evans met with Affleck to talk about Gone Baby Gone, which Affleck was directing. Evans was walking down a hallway, looking for the room where they were supposed to meet. Walking by an open office, he heard Affleck, in that thick Boston accent of his, shout, “There he is!” (Evans does a perfect Affleck impersonation.)

By then, Evans had hit the big time for his turn as the Human Torch, Johnny Storm, in 2005’s Fantastic Four, but he still got starstruck. As he tells it, “First thing I say to him: 'Am I going to be okay where I parked?’ He was like, 'Where did you park?’ I said, 'At a meter.’ And he was like, 'Did you put money in the meter?’ And I said, 'Yep.’ And he says, 'Well, I think you’ll be okay.’ I was like, this is off to a great fucking start.” Stating the obvious here: Evans did not get the part.

No, Evans will be heading to the Super Bowl with his brother and three of his closest buddies. Like any self-respecting Pats fan, Evans is super-wicked pissed at NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for imposing that suspension on Tom Brady for Deflategate. Grabbing two beers from a fridge that’s otherwise basically empty, Evans says, “I just want to see Goodell hand the trophy to Brady. Goodell. Piece of shit.”

In Evans’s living room, there’s not a single hint of his Captain Americaness. Earth tones, tables that appear to be made of reclaimed wood. Open. Uncluttered. Glass doors open onto a backyard with a stunning view of the Hills. Evans stretches out on one of two couches. I take the other and ask, “Just whose idea was it to jump?” Since we both know whose idea it wasn’t, we both know that what I’m really asking is Why? Why, dude, do you want to jump (with me) from a goddamn airplane? “Yeah,” he says, popping open his beer, “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Settling in on the couch, he groans. Evans explains that he’s hurting all over because he just started his workout routine the day before to get in shape for the next two Captain America films. The movies will be shot back to back beginning in April. After that, no more red- white-and-blue costume for the thirty-five-year-old. He will have fulfilled his contract.

“Yeah,” he says, popping open his beer, “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Back in 2010, Marvel presented Evans with a nine-picture deal. He insisted he’d sign on for no more than six. Some family members thought he was nuts to dial back such a secure and lucrative gig. Evans saw it differently.

It takes five months to shoot a Marvel movie, and when you tack on the promotional obligations for each one, well, shit, man. Evans knew that for as long as he was bound to Captain America, he would have little time to take on other projects. He wanted to direct, he wanted to play other characters—roles that were more human—like the lead in Gifted, which will hit theaters this month. The script had brought him to tears. Evans managed to squeeze the movie in between Captain America and Avengers films.

FOX Searchlight

In Gifted, Evans stars as Frank Adler. You don’t get much more human than Adler, a grease-under-his-nails boat-engine mechanic living the bachelor life in Florida. After a series of tragic circumstances, Adler becomes a surrogate father to his niece, Mary, a first-grader with the IQ of Einstein. He recognizes that Mary is a little genius, and he does his best to prevent anyone else from noticing. Given the aforementioned circumstances, Adler has witnessed what can happen when a kid with a brilliant mind is pushed too hard too quickly. Then along comes Mary’s teacher. She discovers the child’s gift, and a Kramer vs. Kramer–esque drama ensues.

During a moment in the film when things aren’t going Adler’s way, he sarcastically refers to himself as a “fucking hero.” Evans says the line didn’t lead him to make comparisons between superhero Steve Rogers (aka Captain America) and Everyman hero Frank Adler. But now that you mention it . . . 

“With Steve Rogers,” Evans says, “even though you’re on a giant movie with a huge budget and strange costumes, you’re still on a hunt for the truth of the character.” That said, “with Adler, it’s nice to play someone relatable. I think Julianne Moore said, 'The audience doesn’t come to see you; they come to see themselves.’ Adler is someone you can hold up as a mirror for someone in the audience. They’ll be able to far more easily identify with Frank Adler than Steve Rogers.”

Dodger. That’s the name of Evans’s dog, the one who headbutted my nuts and has since done a marvelous job of making amends by nuzzling against me on the couch. Evans got him while he was filming Gifted; one of the last scenes was shot in an animal shelter in Georgia. Evans had wanted a dog ever since his last pooch died in 2012. Then he found himself walking the aisles of this pound, and there was this mixed-breed boxer, wagging his tail and looking like he belonged with Evans.

Dodger is not exactly a name you’d think a die-hard Boston sports fan would pick. His boys from back home have given him a ton of shit over it. But he has not abandoned his Red Sox for the L.A. team. As a kid, he loved the Disney animated movie Oliver & Company, and his favorite character was Dodger. Anticipating the grief he was going to get from his pals, Evans considered other names. “You could name your dog Doorknob,” he says, “and in a month he’s fucking Doorknob.” Evans’s mom convinced him to go with his gut.

Right around when Evans was wrapping Gifted and heading back to L.A. with Dodger, the 2016 presidential campaign was still in that phase when no one, including the actor—a Hillary Clinton supporter—thought Trump had a shot. He still can’t believe Trump won.

“I feel rage,” he says. “I feel fury. It’s unbelievable. People were just so desperate to hear someone say that someone is to blame. They were just so happy to hear that someone was angry. Hear someone say that Washington sucks. They just want something new without actually understanding. I mean, guys like Steve Bannon—Steve Bannon!—this man has no place in politics.”

Evans has made, and continues to make, his political views known on Twitter. He tweeted that Trump ought to “stop energizing lies,” and he recently ended up in a heated Twitter debate with former KKK leader David Duke over Trump’s pick of Jeff Sessions for attorney general. Duke baselessly accused Evans of being anti-Semitic; Evans encouraged Duke to try love: “It’s stronger than hate. It unites us. I promise it’s in you under the anger and fear.” Making political statements and engaging in such public exchanges is a rather risky thing for the star of Captain America to do. Yes, advisors have said as much to him. “Look, I’m in a business where you’ve got to sell tickets,” he says. “But, my God, I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror if I felt strongly about something and didn’t speak up. I think it’s about how you speak up. We’re allowed to disagree. If I state my case and people don’t want to go see my movies as a result, I’m okay with that.”

Trump. Bannon. Politics. Now Evans is animated. He gets off the couch, walks out onto his porch, and lights a cigarette. “Some people say, 'Don’t you see what’s happening? It’s time to yell,' ” Evans says. “Yeah, I see it, and it’s time for calm. Because not everyone who voted for Trump is going to be some horrible bigot. There are a lot of people in that middle; those are the people you can’t lose your credibility with. If you’re trying to change minds, by spewing too much rhetoric you can easily become white noise.”


Evans has a pretty remarkable “How I got to Hollywood” story.

During his junior year of high school, he knew he wanted to act. He was doing it a lot. In school. At his mom’s theater. He loved it. “When you’re doing a play at thirteen years old and have opening night? None of my friends had opening nights. 'I can’t have a sleepover, guys; I have an opening night tonight.' ”

That same year, he did a two-man play. For all of the twenty-plus plays Evans had done up to that point, preparation meant going home, memorizing lines, and doing a few run-throughs with the cast. However, for this play, Fallen Star, he and his costar would rehearse by running dialogue with each other. Hour upon hour, night after night.

Fallen Star is about two friends, one of whom has just died. As the play opens, one of the characters comes home after the funeral to find his dead friend’s ghost. Evans was the ghost. Waiting backstage on opening night, he knew he didn’t have every line memorized, but he had the essence and emotion of the play down. Onstage, he remembers, “I was saying the lines not because they were memorized but because the play was in me. I was believing what I was saying.”

He was hooked. He wanted to do more of this kind of acting—real acting. He wanted to do films, in which the camera was right on him and he could just be the character, rather than theater, in which an actor must perform to the back of the room.

A family friend who was a television actor advised Evans that if he wanted to go to Hollywood, he needed an agent. Toward the end of his junior year, he had a ballsy request for his parents: If he found an internship with a casting agent in New York City, would they allow him to live there and cover the rent? They agreed. Evans landed a gig with Bonnie Finnegan, who was then working on the television show Spin City.

“I just fucked off. I lost my virginity that year. 1999 was one of the best years of my life.” Until it wasn’t.

Evans chose to intern with a casting agent because he figured he had more of a chance to interact with other agents trying to get auditions for their clients.

The kid was sixteen years old.

Finnegan put Evans on the phone; his responsibilities included setting up appointments for auditions. By the end of the summer, he picked the three agents he had the best rapport with and asked each of them to give him a five-minute audition. All three said yes. After seeing his audition, all three were interested.

Evans went with the one Finnegan recommended, Bret Adams, who told Evans to return to New York for auditions in January, television pilot season. Back home, Evans doubled up on a few classes the first semester of his senior year, graduated early, and went back to New York in January. He got the same shithole apartment in Brooklyn and the same internship with Finnegan. He landed a part on the pilot Opposite Sex. Even better, the show got picked up and would start shooting in L.A. that fall.

“I know I’m going to L.A. in August,” Evans says, recalling that period. “So I go home and that spring I would wake up around noon, saunter into high school just to see my buddies, and we’d go get high in the parking lot. I just fucked off. I lost my virginity that year. 1999 was one of the best years of my life.” Until it wasn’t.

He wasn’t in L.A. for even a month when he got a call from home. His parents were divorcing. Evans never saw it coming.

Family and love and the struggles therein are part of what attracted Evans to Gifted.

“In my own life, I have a deep connection with my family and the value of those bonds,” he says. “I’ve always loved stories about people who put their families before themselves. It’s such a noble endeavor. You can’t choose your family, as opposed to friends. Especially in L.A. You really get to see how friendships are put to the test; it stirs everyone’s egos. But if something goes south with a friend, you have the option to say we’re not friends anymore. Your family—that’s your family. Trying to make that system work and trying to make it not just functional but actually enjoyable is a really challenging endeavor, and that’s certainly how it is with my family.”


the plane, a decision is made.

“I want to see you jump first,” Evans shouts my way.

Of course he does.

Like any respectable and legal skydiving center, Skydive Perris, which is providing us with this “experience,” doesn’t just strap a chute on your back. First, you go to a room for a period of instruction. Then you go to another room, where you sign away your rights.

You may be wondering how the star of a billion-dollar franchise with two pictures to shoot gets clearance to jump from an airplane—never mind the low rate of fatalities, as Evans has presented it. So am I.

“Well, they give you all these crazy insurance policies, but even if I die, what are they going to do? Sue my family? They’d probably cast some new guy at a cheaper price and save some money.”

Thinking the answer is almost certainly going to be no, I ask Evans if he’s ever gone skydiving before. Turns out he has, with an ex-girlfriend. Turns out that ex-girlfriend is now married to Justin Timberlake. Evans and Jessica Biel dated off and on from 2001 to 2006. They took the leap together when Biel hatched the idea for one Valentine’s Day. According to media accounts, Evans was recently dating his Gifted costar Jenny Slate, who plays the teacher. “Yeah,” he says, “but I’m steering clear of those questions.” You can almost feel his heart pinch.

“There’s a certain shared life experience that is tough for someone else who’s not in this industry to kind of wrap their head around.”

We end up broadly discussing the unique challenges an international star like Evans faces when it comes to dating, specifically the trust factor. Evans supposes that’s why so many actors date other actors: “There’s a certain shared life experience that is tough for someone else who’s not in this industry to kind of wrap their head around,” he says. “Letting someone go to work with someone for three months and they won’t see them. It really, it certainly puts the relationship to the test.”

In Gifted, there’s a moment when Slate’s character asks Adler what his greatest fear is. Frank Adler’s greatest fear is that he’ll ruin his niece’s life. Evans’s greatest fear is having regrets.

“Like always kind of wanting to be there as opposed to here. I think I’m worried all of a sudden I’ll get old and have regrets, realize that I’ve not cultivated enough of an appreciation for the now and surrendering to the present moment.”

Evans’s musings have something to do with the fact that he has been reading The Surrender Experiment. “It’s about the basic notion that we are only in a good mood when things are going our way,” he says. “The truth is, life is going to unfold as it’s going to unfold regardless of your input. If you are an active participant in that awareness, life kind of washes over you, good or bad. You kind of become Teflon a little bit to the struggles that we self-inflict.”

He continues: “Our conscious minds are very spread out. We worry about the past. We worry about the future. We label. And all of that stuff just makes us very separate. What I’m trying to do is just quiet it down. Put that brain down from time to time and hope those periods of quiet and stillness get longer. When you do that, what rises from the mist is a kind of surrendering. You’re more connected as opposed to being separate. A lot of the questions about destiny or fate or purpose or any of that stuff—it’s not like you get answers. You just realize you didn’t need the questions.”

This here—this stuff about surrendering, letting life unfold, taking the leap—this is why he wanted to go skydiving. It’s why that sixteen-year-old took the leap and did the summer in New York; it’s why he took the leap and turned down the nine-picture deal; it’s why he got Dodger. Surrender. Take the leap.

And so I go first.

Oh, one important detail: Novice jumpers like Evans and me, we don’t jump solo. Thank God. Each of us is doing a tandem jump. Each of us is strapped with our back to a professional jumper’s front. I’m strapped to a forty-four-year-old dude named Paul. Considering what’s about to happen, I figure I should know a little something about Paul. He tells me he used to own a bar in Chicago. Evans is strapped to a young woman named Sam, who looks to be twenty-something. She’s got a purplish-pink streak in her black hair and says things like “badass.” In fact, Sam introduced herself  by saying, “I’m Sam, but you can call me Badass.”

At the plane’s open door, my mind goes to my wife and two teenage sons, to those I love, and to the texts I just sent in case my chute fails. Then Paul and I—well, really mostly Paul—rock gently back and forth to build momentum to push away from the plane, to push away from all that seems sane.

Three.

Two.

One.

Holy fuck.

HOLY FUCK. This is what I scream as we free-fall from 12,500 feet, at more than a hundred miles an hour, toward the earth. Which I cannot take my eyes off of. I think about nothing. Not living. Not dying. Nothing. I simply feel . . . I have let go.

Suddenly, it all stops. I’m jerked up. Paul has pulled the chute, and it does indeed open. This is fantastic, because it means we have a much better chance of not dying. But it’s also kind of a bummer. I had let go. Of everything. I had chosen to play those odds Evans had talked about. I had embraced jumping and letting life unfold.

Now I had been jerked back. I would land. Back on the earth I had been so high above and from which I had been so far removed. Back in all of it.

Once I’m on the ground, safe and in one piece, a staffer runs over and asks how I feel. I say, “I feel like Captain America.”

The staffer runs over and asks Evans the same question. He says he feels great. Then he’s asked another question: What was your favorite part?

“Jumping out,” he says. “Jumping out is always a real thrill.”


This article appears in the April '17 issue of Esquire.

Something Just Like This

Summary: AU. This is the story of an ordinary couple with an extraordinary love.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 2,652 (without lyrics)

Warnings: language, fluff, sarcasm, pregnancy, mentions of bullying, illness, and death, song fic style

A/N: This is my oneshot submission for the poetic noble land mermaid @whothehellisbella and her Bella’s Cool Time Summer Jamz Mix Writing Challenge. My song prompt was Something Just Like This - The Chainsmokers, Coldplay. I hope you approve and enjoy!

Originally posted by duckybarness

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Dangerous Woman [Side to Side Pt. 3]

Pairing: Tom Holland! Peter Parker x Stark! reader

Request(s): 

  • I NEEEEED A PART 3 TO SIDE TO SIDE. I BEG OF YOUUUU.I NEEED TEN MORE PARTS FROM SIDE TO SIDEEE SOO GOOD IM SCREAMING
  • Are you going to do a side by side part 3?! I love it so much!!!!!! I’m kinda obsessed!
  • ugjwmwjdns oh my god into you was so good!!!! I really hope you make a part 3 and all that :-))
  • Side to side and into you slay!!!! Pls write more parts if you can
  • Will there be a part 3 to into you/side to side? I know you just put up part 2 but it was just really really good lol
  • Ooooohhhh I know the plot technically ended but please do a Side to Side Part. 3 (a smut one)! I need this to my life make sense again. Like… Why Peter would have condoms in his wallet? He’s a cinnamon roll. And for God’s sake, Wanda can read minds… That’s not gonna be a secret for much more time. LOOK AT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME. I CAN’T GET OVER YOUR WRITING.

Word Count: ~2320

Song: Bro come one do you even need a link? Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande

Summary: You and Peter have been going out for a little bit now, and people are starting to learn your secrets. Mostly through some risky behavior and a bit of telepathy.

Warning(s): Smut (duh you freaks((jk love you)) keep requesting it), blowjobs, fingering, semi-public sex in a school bathroom like bro I write such trash for you guys I hope you like it

Author’s Note: Okay so I think this is gonna be the last part because I’m out of Ariana Grande singles to write smut for lmao. Send in more requests and whatever do what you want because I only have a few more to go through and I am working on them. One more thing, I am going to camp next week though so I will not be posting for 2 weeks. Your patience is greatly appreciated, thanks loves! Enjoy this sinfest! think of it as a parting gift from me to you.

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fam(ily) - one | pkjm

parent!au: park jimin
A single father of twins show you the true meaning of family and what it takes to love like a parent, even if they aren’t your own.
word count: 4.8k
genre: fluFF?? aNGST?!? idk jimin is a dad

one | two

[A/N]: goin straight to the point, our little family by the very talented @nightbts heavily inspired me to write this fanfic !! I absolutely lovLOVEelovelove that story, so much i made my friend read it WITH me. its a beautifully written piece and i never knew i loved parent!jimin so much. sis i wasn’t lying when i said it inspired me to write my own !! pls enjoy, dont have high expectations bc its not anywhere near how good OLF is lol

Originally posted by jiyoongis


“I don’t think you’re going to find a decent girl at the club.” Jungkook said entering the noisy, dark building.

Jimin laughed, “who said I’m trying to find a decent girl?”

Taehyung rose an eyebrow. “So what are you going to do when she wants to hook up? Bring her back to your place with your twins in the next room?”

Jimin frowned and ordered the first drink on the menu. “No.. I don’t know.” You, the only girl bartender in the club, fixed the drink in the fastest manner Jimin has ever seen. You poured it into a glass and slid it towards the man. He lifted it, weary as to how it was going to taste. The glass rim touched his lips and the alcohol burned his throat as he took it all in.

“Can we just enjoy the night?” Jimin asked when he saw the other two awkwardly hesitant. “I’m not bringing home anyone, guys. I came out here to forget that I was a single dad working a 9 to 5 job.”

Jungkook laughed and patted his best bud’s shoulder. “That’s a little hard to forget when your babies are both of your wallpapers.”

Jimin rolled his eyes and shrugged off his friend’s hand. Taehyung walked off to flirt with the girl bartender down the bar. Jimin was left alone, swirling the ice and liquor in his heavy glass.

“Rough night?” You asked as you polished the cups. He looked around to make sure you were addressing him. Taehyung had wandered off to another girl and you had walked back over. He peered up to see your soft smile. Your eyelashes fluttered against your pale cheeks. Your hair was secured messily in a bun.

Jimin laughed it off, not sure how to answer that question. It was more of a rough entire six years and since he had twins, it felt multiplied by two. “You could say that.”

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Business and Pleasure - Part 10

Summary:  Bucky AU. After a major deal falls through, your father’s business almost falls apart. In a desperate attempt to save his livelihood, he seeks the help of his oldest friend, George Barnes, who happens to be the CEO of one of the most influential businesses in New York. He agrees, but on one condition. You have to marry his son.

Word Count: 2,201

Warnings: Swearing


Originally posted by little--batman


The two of you had fallen into silence, both seemingly lost in thought. The appetizers were delicious, but you couldn’t do more than pick at them. You were too distracted by your thoughts to focus on eating.

So much had happened in so little time. Sure, it seemed like you had your best friend back, but who knew how long that would last. He seemed sincere earlier, but there was no way to guarantee that the two of you wouldn’t get into another stupid argument and find yourselves right back where you started.

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Now And Forever (Michael Mell X Reader X Jeremy Heere)

WC: 2017

Warnings: Swearing, reader gets insulted for being in a poly relationship, just general fluff and worrying boyf riends

Summary: Michael, Y/N and Jeremy are in a wonderful, loving relationship. It’s just too bad that other people can’t see that

A/N: For the anons who requested a BMC one shot. Enjoy!

I walked through the crowded corridor of Middle Borough High School, my head hanging low.

My anxiety was acting up big time, because in the ‘first day of school’ haze I had somehow managed to forget to take my meds.

I made it to my locker relatively unscathed, but I felt a hand on my shoulder suddenly. I tensed up and turned around, relaxing slightly when I saw Jeremy standing there.

“Hey Y/N!” Jeremy said, pulling me into a hug. I buried my head into his neck, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“Woah, babe. You ok?” Jeremy said, stroking my hair gently. I shook my head, and Jeremy frowned.

“What’s up?” He asked, wrapping his other arm around my waist. I took in a deep breath and lifted my head, looking him in the eye.

“I forgot to take my meds this morning.” I muttered and Jeremy sighed, gently cupping my chin, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

“Today’s Tuesday, so you have all your classes with either Michael or I. That way you don’t have to worry about having to sit next to other people.” Jeremy said and I smiled gratefully at him.

I pressed my lips to his, and Jeremy’s hands instinctively flew to my hair. He ran his fingers through it and brought them down to cup my cheeks.

I pulled away slowly, a smile settling on my face. “I love you.” I whispered, pulling him into another brief hug.

“I love you too, Y/N. I should probably go get my books, but I’ll see you in Period 2.” Jeremy said, rubbing circles on my cheek gently.

I felt my heart rate speed up a little as Jeremy walked away, but when I saw that all too familiar red hoodie, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Michael!” I shouted, waving wildly at him. His head perked up, and a smile crept across his face when he saw me.

“Hi Y/N!” He said, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I smiled and took his hand, earning a raised eyebrow from Michael.

“I, uh, I didn’t take my meds this morning.” I explained, and Michael nodded, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

“Thank god today’s Tuesday then.” Michael said as we walked to Period 1, our hands swinging as we walked.

“Yeah. Jeremy said that.” I said and Michael smiled, kissing the top of my head.

We had almost made it to our classroom, but naturally, someone had to interrupt the sense of calm I had.

“What the hell? Wasn’t she just all over that Jeremy nerd?” I heard someone say, and my heart started pounding.

“Michael.” I whispered, trying to calm my breathing but failing miserably.

“She’s such a whore.” “What a freak.” “Slut.” People said, not even bothering to keep their comments to themselves.

“Who the hell gave you guys the right to say things like that?” Michael shouted, and I winced at the sudden burst of anger from him.

“Sticking up for your slut, Mell? You know she doesn’t love you. She can’t if she’s all over your best friend.” Someone said, and I was starting to get dizzy.

“Michael, can we just go?” I muttered, tugging on the sleeve of his hoodie. Michael’s face softened as he turned to me and kissed my knuckles.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t have them saying things like that about you. I love you, and I protect the people I love.” Michael said, and I reluctantly let go of his hand.

I walked to the classroom, trying to block out the sound of Michael arguing with those people. I tried to calm my breathing and push any concerns about Michael getting hurt out of my head but I suddenly heard a crash.

“Michael!” I shouted, rushing over to his crumpled form. There was a little cut near his left eyebrow and I cursed internally, holding his head in my hands.

“Hey Y/N.” Michael said weakly, shooting me a half smile. I pulled him into a tight hug, which earned a chuckle from his as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“God I was really worried, you idiot.” I said, my words slightly muffled because my head was buried in the crook of his neck.

“I’m taking you to the nurse’s office.” I said, helping Michael stand up. I took his hand in mine and walked to the nurse’s office with him.

“You’re adorable when you’re worried.” Michael muttered and I felt my cheeks heat up, a bashful smile crossing my face.

“You know Jeremy says the same thing about you, right?” I said and Michael’s cheeks went pink.

“I do know.” Michael said and I chuckled, glancing at the cut on his face briefly.

“Mr Mell. Miss Y/L/N. Might I ask what you’re not doing in class? And without Mr Heere.” The nurse said, the last bit under her breath.

“Someone shoved Michael, and he cut his head.” I said and the nurse nodded, scanning Michael’s face.

“Well then, come in. I’ll go get an ice pack for you. Have a seat.” The nurse said and I nodded, sitting down with Michael.

“I’m texting Jeremy.” I said, and Michael frowned, trying to explain why I shouldn’t do it.

“Michael, Jeremy is your boyfriend as well as mine. He deserves to know.” I said and Michael pouted, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

I pulled out my phone and pulled up Jeremy’s contact.

To: Player One 💋💞

Michael and I are in the nurse’s office. Someone said some shit about me, and Michael decided it’d be fun to try and fight them and consequently get shoved.

I sent the text and relaxed into Michael’s embrace, resting my head on his shoulder.

“This is nice, but it’d be nicer if you weren’t hurt.” I muttered and Michael chuckled, kissing the top of my head.

Michael went to respond, but my phone buzzed, interrupting him. I picked it up and saw a message from Jeremy.

From: Player One 💋💞

Oh my god!!! Tell Michael that he’s an idiot, but I hope he wasn’t hurt too bad. I love you guys. See you in Period 2.

I smiled, shoving my phone in the pocket of my purple sweatshirt. The nurse gave us a sour look as she handed Michael the ice pack, before retreating behind her desk.

“I can’t believe I’m in love with such a dork.” I muttered and Michael feigned offence, putting his free hand on his chest.

“I can’t believe my girlfriend is so mean.” Michael said and I rolled my eyes, snaking an arm around his waist.

“Whatever nerd.” I retaliated, kissing Michael’s cheek. We approached the classroom and I reluctantly removed my arm from Michael’s waist.

The teacher must have heard about what happened, because she didn’t ask us anything about where we were, or why we were so late.

We took our seats next to each other, and the lesson blurred past quickly. I kissed Michael goodbye as he went to his next lesson, and I warned him not to get into any more fights.

“Hey Jeremy.” I said, pecking his cheek when I saw him. He smiled and kissed my forehead in reply.

“Hello to you too. How’s Michael?” Jeremy asked when we sat down, opening our books.

“Michael’s fine. It was just a small cut, and he’s got an ice pack for it. I did warn him not to get into any more fights.” I said and Jeremy chuckled, taking my hands and squeezing it.

“Mr Heere. Miss Y/L/N. If we could please keep any displays of… affection outside the classroom, please?” He said and Jeremy dropped my hand, our faces both bright pink.

I nearly fell asleep a few times during the lesson, but Jeremy would wake me up with a gentle tap on the shoulder.

We finished the lesson and made our way to lunch, and saw that Michael was already sitting at our usual table.

“There are my beautiful partners.” Michael said, kissing the both of us on the cheek.

“Hey Michael.” Jeremy said, sitting down on one side of Michael. I sat down on the other side of him and pulled my water bottle out of my backpack.

“Hey Jer. How are you?” Michael asked and Jeremy hummed, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

“I’m alright. I was, however, worrying about you, Mr. Getting into fights? Really?” Jeremy said and Michael chuckled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

“Some jerks were talking shit about Y/N, and I know you’d fight someone if they were doing that too, so don’t deny it Jeremiah.” Michael said, poking Jeremy’s cheek.

Jeremy went pink and I giggled, taking a drink from my bottle. “Aren’t you hungry, Y/N?” Jeremy asked, noticing the absence of a lunch tray in front of me.

“I didn’t take my meds this morning, and I guess my body isn’t quite used to it.” I said and Jeremy nodded, pulling his brown lunch bag out of his backpack.

“Oh, have you guys heard about Brooke and Chloe?” I asked and the boys turned to me, shaking their heads.

“Well, apparently Brooke asked Chloe out, and they’re going to Jake’s Halloween party together.” I said and the boys smiled at each other.

“The gays are invading. We’re everywhere.” Michael said and Jeremy snorted, nearly knocking over his chocolate milk.

“You two are literally bisexual and pansexual. To be fair, I’m bi as well.” I said and Michael chuckled, ruffling my hair.

“Just because we’re not strictly gay doesn’t mean we can’t act gay.” Michael said, looking over at Jeremy and smirking.

“Oh god, no.” I muttered as Michael crashed his lips to Jeremy’s, tangling his fingers in Jeremy’s hair. Jeremy settled his hands on Michael’s hips, and Michael tugged gently on Jeremy’s hair.

“Ok, ok, I get it! You’re both super gay for each other.” I said, chuckling slightly. Michael and Jeremy pulled apart and smiled at me, their cheeks flushed.

“We may be gay for each other, but we’re super straight for you, Y/N.” Jeremy said and I snorted, leaning my head on Michael’s shoulder.

“Thanks Jer. That totally makes me feel better.” I said and Michael chuckled, rubbing my shoulder soothingly.

“You guys wanna come over this afternoon? I got Apocalypse of the Damned on the weekend, and I haven’t played it yet.” Michael said and I pressed a kiss to his neck.

“I’m in.” Jeremy said, taking a bite of his sandwich. Michael nodded and glanced down at me.

“How about you, shortie? You in?” Michael asked and I frowned, shooting Michael a glare.

“I’m in, but you’ve gotta promise to stop calling me shortie. I’m taller than Rich.” I said and the boys laughed, nodding their heads.

“You may be taller than Rich, but you’re still shorter than the both of us. Which means, we’re still gonna call you shortie.” Jeremy said and I rolled my eyes, giving them the finger.

“Now I know why you and Rich get along so well. You’re both tiny bundles of bisexual fury.” Michael said and I scoffed, taking my head off his shoulder.

“I hate the both of you right now. I’m filing for divorce.” I said and they both cackled. Michael even wiped a tear away.

“God I love you nerds.” Michael said, pulling Jeremy and I into a hug. I kissed Michael’s cheek softly, and I saw Jeremy do the same thing.

“Ok, tomorrow I get to sit in the middle.” I said, earning a loud laugh from both of the boys.

“Fine. Tomorrow is Y/N’s day in the middle.” Jeremy said, winking at me from across the bench.

I let out a content sigh, snuggling into the crook of Michael’s neck. “You know what?” I said and I was met with hums of response from Michael and Jeremy.

“I don’t care if people think we’re weird. I don’t care what other people say. I love you two more than anything else, and that’s all that matters. Now and forever.”

things that 100% definitely happened after the end of call me beep me u can pry these headcanons from my cold dead hands

(call me beep me is an incredible fic by @gajeelredfox that i can’t link to rn bc i’m on mobile but the final update was posted tonight and i’m emo so have this)

-when they go trick or treating, the kids fall in love with keith instantly and are constantly chattering at him and tugging at his arms to show him things. by the end of the night keith is carrying a sleeping child home and lance’s heart is suffering.

-lance and hunk get to celebrate pidges 16th birthday! lance gets pidge a remote control robot car. (“get it? because its like the cliche thing to get a car on ur 16th birthday, but u like robots!” “yes i get it lance thank u.”)

-together, matt and lance make allura and shiro’s life a living hell. they can’t even look at each other without hearing exaggerating kissy noises.

-lance gradually helps keith and muffin warm up to each other and after a while they’re best friends. sometimes she’ll even lick his hand. shiro is pissed. (“i’ve been trying to get them to get along for years!!! and then this little shit comes along and within a couple of months she’s sitting on his lap!!! wtf!)

more under the cut

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Yesterday was a rough day and I couldn’t update, but today I’m back on track, I’m not just sure if these are good, I’m sorry in advance if they aren’t. Hope you still like this! ^^

RFA + Saeran being clingy

Zen

  • Okay, it was very cute when you guys got home after one of his musical debuts and he was all over you
  • Oh, do your feet hurt? Here, give me your shoes. Do you want help to take this dress off? I’ll help, not trying anything funny, I swear. Oh, babe, you seem so tense, do you want a massage?
  • Then he offers to help you wipe the makeup of your face and now it’s kinda… weird.
  • “Zenny, I got this. Why don’t you relax? It was a big night, you must be exhausted…” “I am, so why don’t w cuddle on the couch and I’ll let you braid my hair?”
  •  Oh? Playing with his hair is usually off limits, so something is definitely off with him… “Hyun? What’s going on?” “What? I’m just showing all my love, babe.” He hugs you from behind.
  •  “And I appreciate it, but… calm down…” you stare at him by the mirror reflection, and he stares back.
  • “I’m sorry for scaring you, my princess, it’s just…this stupid contract that forbids me to show affection in public… I just want to remind you how much I love you…”
  •  Ohhhh…he looks legitimately hurt… “I never forget how much you love me, Zen…” you turn to place a kiss on his cheek.

Yoosung

  • At home, you’re very used to cuddling from the moment you and him plop on bed or the couch, doesn’t matter which time of the day
  • But in public? That’s new…
  • Especially here in the cafeteria of his college with all his colleagues and even some teachers looking…
  • But that’s not the problem, the problem is HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU TELL THIS CINNAMON ROLL TO GO EASY?
  • “Something wrong, MC?” “I… I should ask you the same, is… there something wrong? Something happened?”
  • “Well, yeah… you brought me lunch, and you joined me, and I’m just very happy to have you here…
  • Oh… this is quite a happening for him, huh? You look around and nobody seems to be paying mind to your PDA, but still…
  •  You pry his hands away sweetly, only to put your hand on top of his. “I’m happy to be here too.”

Jaehee

  • She cuddles and holds hands a lot
  •  EXCEPT when one of Zen’s DVDs are on, then she’ll be paying full attention to the TV and making sure you are paying attention too
  • So you get very surprised when she hooks her legs with yours and leans her head on your shoulder
  • And then she starts stealing some small kisses here and there. It’s actually pretty nice… it would be even nicer if you weren’t trying to actually pay attention to the movie.
  • “Jaehee? Have… have you seen this movie before?” “No, it’s the first time, I never watch new DVDs without you…”
  • “I see… aren’t you enjoying it or…?” “Oh, I’m loving it! It’s just so romantic, it’s… so romantic it almost feels contagious, is that crazy?”
  • Oh… then you realize, why does it bother you? You don’t have such a mushy Jaehee like this every day…
  • “No, it doesn’t sound crazy at all.” You stroke her hair as she keeps her head on your shoulder.

Jumin

  • As soon as you step home, he’s kissing you and dragging you to the couch to make you rest your head on his lap.
  • “Why don’t you rest, my love? You must be tired…” yeah, that was your plan…
  • Taking off this dress, putting some pajamas and going to bed to sleep, but… well, he must have a different pov on resting.
  • And it’s nice, of course it is, but… he looks pretty tired too…
  •  “Jumin, don’t you want to go to bed and sleep?” “Please, let’s stay away like this a little more.” “But you look tired…”
  •  “No, what I’m really tired of is people making wrong assumptions about our relationship just because I avoid public demonstrations of affection. Tsk… you know I’m just like this because I have to keep it professional, right? You know that, if I could, I would hold you in my arms the entire night, right?”
  • Oh my god… he’s usually so confident and doesn’t mind what other people say, but… truth is he can be a little insecure about balancing his professional and personal life when it comes to you.
  • “Of course I do. So don’t worry about what other people think… and… just hold me as much as you want…”

Saeyoung

  • You were on a little roadtrip.
  • He was caressing your leg, singing along with some cheesy music on the radio to serenade you and couldn’t stop looking at you.
  • It was cute but… eyes on the road, Saeyoung, eyes on the road!
  • You were trying to drop some hints like chuckling nervously and glancing to the road, but he wasn’t taking them.
  •  “Man, I’m just so excited! Can’t wait for us to get there!” he beams, and the car shakes a little due to passing over a hole he didn’t notice since… he wasn’t paying attention to the road!
  • “We… we can stop a little if you want…” you say, and then he finally gets it. “Oh… no need, I’m going to focus now, sorry for scaring you, MC. Guess I’m a little nervous since… you know, Saeran is home alone for the first time… he’ll be fine, right?”
  • Oh, your heart flutters, he seems so tense…
  • You hold his hand over the gear shift. “Of course he will, both Choi boys will be just fine…”


V

  • He can be very affectionate, especially if you guys get home from somewhere he had to keep it cool on PDA
  • But he gets twice as affectionate when he’s drunk.
  •  So just imagine how he is after you guys come back from dinner at Jumin’s, where both the guys had a little too much wine.
  • You’ve been trying to enter the house for some solid 20 minutes, but he keeps hugging you.
  •  “I just love you so much, darling…” “I love you too, Jihyun. Now let’s get insi…”
  • “I’m so lucky to have you, sometimes I don’t even believe I’m that lucky to have someone so wonderful like you in my life, I’m sorry for being clingy, darling, but I can’t help to hold you like this to know this is true and… I’m just so drunk right now, am I not?”
  • Yes… but he’s also being kinda funny… and very honest and sweet.
  • “There’s nothing to apologize for, Jihyun… let’s get inside so you’ll have some coffee or some cuddling…how does that sound?”


Saeran

  • Sometimes he gets really affectionate, but most of times he’s shy and avoids it
  • But not this morning when you wake up together. You weren’t home yet when he went to bed last night.
  • So you wake up with him basically over you, and you know he’s not sleeping by the way he strokes your hair.
  • So you stay a little like this, both of you pretending you don’t know neither of you aren’t sleeping anymore.
  • “Saeran… aren’t you feeling hot?” he nods a “no”, still with his face buried in your hair.
  •  “Saeran, I’m feeling really hot, can you…?” “Huh? Oh shit, sorry, I… sorry for being creepy, I just missed you last night, and I get cold easily, so… yeah, sorry for that.” He scoots away from over you.
  • Yeah, he has a very low body temperature, indeed… and he is being so cute, indeed…
  •  “So come here, I don’t want you to catch a cold or something…” you bring him to nuzzle in your chest.
|Why is he so hot?| Peter Parker

My first fic on this site lol (I hope it’s good)

Peter Parker x Stark!Reader ;3

Summary: You and Peter are best friends and ya like him. You know. Like half the fics out there. You’re Tony’s daughter too (it’s hinted at) (If you want me to write a different fic where Tony is more innolved, as in they probs get caught, i’ll do that.)

Warning: cussing, steamy hot make-out session,all around cuteness, awkwardness and dominance?? from both Peter and the reader.

Words: 3000 eXACTLY (i added “Why is he so hot?“ somewhere just to make it an even number. I have ocd srry)

plz request things i’m lonely

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I don’t know what Peter is to me. Is he my best friend? Or my crush? … or both? If he’s both then by God I’m fucked. I can’t like my best friend. I want things to not be awkward. I want our conversations to flow like they always do. But at the same time, I want to kiss him and hold him and be able to call him mine.

“Y/N?” I turned my head from the window to the front of the class.

“Y-Yes?” I stuttered the question out my lips.

“I asked you a question.” My chemistry teacher leaned against her desk and crossed her arms.

“Could you repeat the question by chance?” I smiled nervously. A few chuckles came from the students.

“I asked you ‘What is the third most common gas found in the air we breathe?’” I immediately answered.

“Argon.” She smiled and nodded.

“Around 1% of it is found in the air.” Peter whispered to me. I smiled at him and rolled my eyes. He loved chemistry and science, that’s for sure. After about five minutes my eyes found the city out the window again. I wasn’t really thinking about Peter until he nudged my arm. I turned my head and looked at him.

“Hey- we still on for studying?” He whispered. I nodded.

“At… your place or the tower?”

“The tower.” He told me. The bell rung for lunch and we both got up and packed our bags. The teacher started to say something about the test but I didn’t listen.

“I’ll see you later?” I asked him, already knowing he was going to say yes because we literally just talked about our plans.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Normally I hung out with him and Ned but today I had to work on Algebra homework. I told him bye and walked off to the library.

Just don’t think about him in that way while he’s over…

~~~~~~~~~~~

He was late… again. Probably off saving the city. I didn’t mind. He had his duty, of course, I was just the one to suffer though. In the twenty minutes he has been missing out on all I’ve done is read through the chapter… twice. Ok maybe like six times. I got bored. There was a knock at my bedroom window and I looked over towards the noise. The good thing about having a bedroom at the Avengers tower is that my room is eight stories up so that knocking could only come from one person. I jumped off the bed and walked over to the balcony door to open the door for Peter. He was in his Spider-Man suit with his backpack on. I unlocked and opened the door. He slipped in and stopped in front of me instead of just walking in and getting changed.

“I’m so sorry- there was a-” I patted his shoulder.

“It’s fine Peter. I don’t mind it.” I smiled at him as he tore off his mask. Seeing his hair all messed up made me bite my lip.

Dammit… I’m thinking about him in that way. In the 'my god he’s so hot’ way.  Why is he so hot?

He grinned down at me.

“Did you already read through the chapter? Let me guess, like twelve times?” I laughed and a light heat rushed over my cheeks.

“Only a few times.” I walked back over to my bed and sat down. When I looked back he had pressed his symbol on his chest and his suit just slid off of him. It’s like my stomach did a flip. Normally he would walk into the bathroom to change but nope… I hadn’t realized before but he was fit.

Oh fuck-

I looked down at the book to hide the blush of my cheeks from him. I scooted fully on the bed and laid on my stomach. I glanced back over at him. He had his jeans on and was throwing on a cardigan that he probably grabbed off his floor. He looked over at me and I couldn’t seem to look away.

“I’m coming- I’m coming.” He smiled and threw his bag aside and jogged over to me. He jumped on the bed and pressed his side next to. I looked back down at the book.

This is going to be a long couple hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t think this test is gonna kick my ass like it did last time.” I said as I closed the book. Peter sighed and turned over onto his back.

“I think we’re both gonna do well on it. I mean literally, we’re the top in our class.” He turned his head and looked at me.

“Yeah, but we both know who’s smarter than me.” I said.

“Mr. Stark?” He said more as a statement.

“No- but my dad is smarter than me. I meant you. You already know you’ll ace this test.” He chuckled and looked back at the ceiling. I laid on my back next to him.

“I know you will too.” He said softly. My eyes became heavy and I turned my head to my end table. The clock read 12:34. I yawned and propped myself on my elbows. I looked at Peter who had his eyes closed.

“Peter?” I moved his shoulder. He licked his lips and put an arm over me. My face flushed a deep red. “P-Peter?” I asked. He must be asleep. He pulled me closer to him and began spooning me. I gasped as his body made contact with mine. I would be lying if I said I didn’t like this… so I did nothing. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep, smiling and hopefully dreaming of Peter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eye lids fluttered open and I shuffled a bit. I felt something rub against my ass and I made an unexpected noise. A hand that was just under my breast gripped my skin tighter. I wouldn’t have blushed if I hadn’t realized the hand was under my shirt.

“Peter?’ I whispered, moving my shoulder against his chest. He mumbled his response.

"Mmh?” He said, quiet as could be. He abruptly leaned up. “Oh-” He pulled his hand away and I turned on my back and looked up at him. “I-I’m- Sorry.” He blushed. He lifted his head up towards my end table. “Shit- It’s 6:34.” My eyes widened. I leaned up faster than he had.

“No- oh nonono.” I looked at Peter as my door knob started to turn. Faster than I ever thought I could possibly move, I grabbed Peter and pushed him towards my back board. I slammed him against the bed and crawled on top of him. I covered his mouth and laid on him, pulling the covers over us. From the door, I knew it would just look like I was sleeping with covers over my head. I looked at Peter. His face was inches from mine. Even though it was dark I could make out his features. My door opened and my dad peered in.

“Y/N?” He asked. I groaned in response. “Time to get up. And don’t be late this time. I’m not writing you another note.” The whites of Peters’ eyes moved so I could tell he was looking around my face.

“Ok.” I was too focused on Peter to realize I said it barely loud enough for my dad to hear. I slowly took my hand off his face but let my fingers linger on his lips. As my dad left he muttered something along the lines of 'they shouldn’t even need a note, I mean she’s my daughter they should assume she’s curing cancer or something…’ He closed the door and I leaned up, taking my hand from Peters’ mouth. He was as red as a tomato and so was I.

“I- should-” He stuttered.

“Yeah-” He bolted out of bed and towards his bag. I landed on my back and watched as he grabbed his backpack and opened the door to the balcony. My knees were half bent and I was biting my lip. My hand lifted to my chin.

My God Parker… You even look hot in a hurry.

He stopped and looked at me. He was about to say something before he looked down and then ran out the door. He jumped off the building and swung off to another.

I actually want to die. What was that? I just like straddled him and it was weird but it felt nice and- oh my god… I almost kissed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked to my locker to put my Algebra books back. The final bell had rung two minutes ago and I decided that after I put my books back I was going to find Peter. I shut my locker and walked down the halls. The back of his head is easy to recognize. His curly hair gives it away most the time. As soon as I see those familiar curls and a cardigan I rush towards him.

“Peter!” I say as I tap on his shoulder. He turned to me and smiled.

“H-Hey Y/N.” I grin back at him blushing at him stuttering.

This boy is literally going to kill me one day.

“What are you doing later on?” I asked. He shrugged.

“I’ll probably just stay at my place and watch a movie or something. It is a Friday so I don’t have to go to bed early.”

“Oh- D-Do you think I could join you?” I asked. He smirked and shrugged, putting his hands in his pocket.

“Sure- let me warn you though: I’m going to be watching Star Trek again.” I giggled.

“I don’t care. I’m always up for re-watching a good movie.” He nodded and closed his locker.

“See ya later.” Peter said as he walked past me. I leaned against the nearest locker.

I’m going to embarrass myself. I am. And then he’ll hate me. Damn it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into Peter’s apartment without knocking, like always. May stopped in front of me.

“Oh- hey Y/N! Peter said you’d be here a bit later-” She laughed. “He’s in the shower so he’ll be out in a bit. He said he got 'webbed up in a problem’ on the way back from school. Like that’s exactly what he said. He is the weirdest kid I swear. Well, you two have fun.”

“We will.” I smiled. “Where you headed off to?”

“Just the store. I’ll be back in a bit with some popcorn too.” I smiled at the thought of popcorn. She waved and scooted passed me, shutting the door behind her. I heard the squeak of the pipes turning off, meaning Peter was out of the shower. A blush crept on my cheeks.

No- Stop thinking about him like that.

I sighed and walked to the couch. I laid down on it and looked at the rough ceiling.

“May!? Where are all my cardigans?” Peter yelled through the walls.

“Uh- She left!” I yelled back.

“Y-Y/N?” He yelled back. After his voice traveled through the walls I heard something thud and then a groan. I leaned up. He must have fallen in the bathroom.

“Peter?” He groaned. A door opened and closed. I jumped over the couch and walked towards his room and saw that his door was closed. “Peter- you alright?” I asked. His voice was pained.

“Yep- Ah- all good!” Something on his door caught my eye. I walked towards it and it seemed to be smeared on the knob. I got my phone and turned the flash on, shining it at the door. What looked like blood was dragged around the knob.

“Peteerr-?” I said. “I’m opening the door.” I didn’t hear a 'no’ so I pushed the door open and found Peter in his wheely chair looking at me.

“I thought you would be here later-” He said. He was in the process of putting a bandage on his side. I put my hand to my temple.

“Parker- I swear you get hurt at least six out of seven days of the week.” He chuckled as I walked over to him. He was shirtless with a pair of jeans on. His hands were completely clean so the blood on his door must have been from when he came in. But that didn’t make any sense cause he would still have it on his hands. “Why is there blood on the door?” I asked. He looked up at me.

“Oh- that was from yesterday.” He said and I sighed in response then walked over and sat on his bed. He finished about thirty seconds later. He stood up and looked over at me. I looked down at his abs and blushed.

Why does he have to be so hot?

He walked out the door and I sat there swimming in my own thoughts.

My god- I can’t live like this. I just want to kiss him and fucking make out with him. I sound so needy. I’m literally like every other sophomore girl. Maybe I just want a boyfriend… no cause Peter is the only guy I like.

He walked back in with a 'Midtown High’ sweater on. He walked over to me and jumped on the bed face first.

“God- Y/N-” He groaned into the bed. I giggled.

“What?”

“Sometimes I hate being a superhero. But damn I love it so much.” He flipped over and turned to me, laying his head on my lap. “I mean I get to save so many people…” I ran my hands through his hair. “And kick ass… but then there’s me. Peter Parker. A nerdy guy who would be the last person suspected as a super hero.” He looked away towards the wall.

“So you want to what- get more recognition?” He laughed.

“I don’t know Y/N… I don’t know what I want.” He gazed into my eyes. “W-Well I do- but somehow I still don’t.” We just sat there in silence for a moment, looking at each other. He lifted his right hand hesitantly and brushed it against my cheek. I blushed at his actions.

What is he doing?

He leaned up and turned to me. He was on all fours with his arms on either side of me. I turned my body towards him, my back facing his window.

“What do you want, Peter?” I dared to ask him, biting my lip. His eyes darted down my face.

“D-Don’t do that Y/N. God- That thing- It drives me crazy.” He gulped and leaned his face closer to mine.

He’s going to kiss me. Is he? Oh god. This is happening.

I was barely breathing. My face slowly moved down but my eyes stayed on him. I put my hand behind his ear. He dipped down slowly. I closed my eyes, same as him.

God this is agonizing. Just fucking kiss me. Don’t be so sl-

His lips cut off my train of thought as he smashed them against mine. I made a 'mmh’ sound against his lips. He moved his right hands to my lower back. I parted my lips and moved my head forward. My heart was racing. I have been wanting this for so long. He licked my bottom lip and then slipped his tongue into my mouth. I had never kissed anyone before and I don’t think he had either, but honestly, I didn’t care. He leaned down and pressed his body against mine. I ran my hands through his hair. My ovaries felt like they were exploding. I leaned down, taking him with me. I tugged at his hair and he moaned against my lips. My body shuttered and he traveled one his hands to my upper back and the other to my waist. He began grinding against my hips causing me to I break away from his kiss. I turned my head silently and gasped. He began to kiss my neck and my hands traveled to his back. He bit a small area of my neck. I moaned loudly into his ear. His grip on my waist tightened and he groaned. After a few moment he leaned up and looked down at me. We were both gasping for air. He smiled which made me grin.

“Fuck- Y/N-” He said.

I want him. I really do… wait no not like that. Well yes like that but not yet… fuck. It’s now or never.

I pushed him up and he stumbled back onto his ass and I crawled on top of him. His eyes widened. Just looking at him made my face go hot. “Y/Y-N?” I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me. Our lips crashed together again and he moaned.

I couldn’t help myself.

His hands slid under and up my shirt. I gasped as I felt his hands on my bare skin. Our bodies were so hot through the clothes. My lips trailed to his jaw where I kissed his jawline, then I moved up to his ear and licked up it. He let out a grunt and a 'fuck’ and then bucked his hips. I didn’t expect that action of his and so I let out a loud moan without realizing it. He gripped my thigh with the hand that used to be on my waist. Peter pulled his head away and looked at the door.

“Shit-” He said. After he said that the sound of the door in the living room clicked and swung open.

“I’m home!” May yelled. I climbed off Peter and sat next to him, trying to hide my very red face. He looked at me and smirked nervously, his face was just as red as mine.

“Hey!” Peter yelled back. He dipped down and gave me a peck on the lips. After he pulled away I smiled widely at him.

“You’re cute, Peter. I’ll give you that.” He chuckled at my words.

“I bought popcorn!” My ears perked at the words. Peter jumped out of bed and I grabbed his wrist.

No- no honey. I’m getting all that popcorn.

I turned him to me and fixed his hair. He looked at me and blushed. My eyes looked innocently up at him and he slowly leaned down. I began to close my eyes and as he closed his I pulled him to the bed and rushed to the door.

“That’s my popcorn, Parker!” I yelled at him while darting down the hall. He yelled playfully from his room.

“Y/N!”