oh my god we've been at this for over an hour

nerdandpsycho  asked:

We've seen the dancing skills of India and Bendy together. But when they are dancing the blood dance, sword against ink, when they are fighting, who wins?

(Oh… my god. You have no idea how excited this question made me. You have just opened up Pandora's Box, my friend!

First of all can I just say, these dorks would love to hear fighting called the “Blood Dance” omg.

The short and completely unsatisfying answer is: it depends. Bendy and India’s fighting styles are so completely different and come from such different places of power, pitting them against each other isn’t an exact science! If there’s a supernatural advantage, the match will be Bendy’s. If there’s a tactical advantage, it’s India’s.

But this is gonna get complicated, so buckle up!

Keep reading

yes but there’s also 

  • ‘I’m hella sick but not old enough to purchase cough medicine and that sounds really pitiful coming from a college student but would you please go buy me some NyQuil???’ au
  • 'We made a bet at the beginning of the laser tag game to see who was better and guess who won. It’s time to pay up.’ au
  • 'Who keeps using my wifi?’ 'Literally everyone, your password is hella easy to guess.’ au
  • Tried to unlock the wrong car in the parking garage au
  • 'I’m on the FBI’s most-wanted list for killing a fuck ton of people, but calm down I just wanna date you bc your face is v smoochable and you give me butterflies.’ au
  • See also; 'Dating a most-wanted serial killer and never getting a heads-up before they come home covered in blood so you’ve gotta be ready to draw the curtains and hide a body every time you hear a car pull into the driveway’ au
  • 'We really should not have played Monopoly’ au
  • Life-sized version of Clue in the old manor on the hill au
  • 'I originally followed you on Instagram bc you’re hot and I’m thirsty but now I’ve developed actual feelings for you bc you’re a genuinely good person’ au
  • 'Fuck me you’re cute why did we have to meet on the one day I decided to stay in my sweats??’ au
  • 'I went to the bar last night bc I just got dumped and wanted to drink away my pain but then one thing lead to another and somehow I broke into your house thinking it was mine and now I can’t find my left shoe but are those waffles I smell?’ au
  • 'I saw that you were reading Eleanor and Park have you gotten to the part where she leaves him and if so can we talk about it because not a lot of people have read this book and I need a shoulder to cry on.’ au
  • 'You passed out in Disneyland and I’ve been taking care of you for the past two hours oh my god are you okay??’ 'Yes I’m okay but who the hell are you supposed to be?’ 'I’m the face character for Peter Pan but that’s not important’ au
  • 'I don’t really know you but I noticed that this creep has been trying to chat you up even though you’ve already turned him down, so I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend/girlfriend  until they leave you alone.’ au
  • Bonnie and Clyde au???
  • Attend same-sex privet schools that are right across the street from each other au
  • Masquerade au
  • 'I don’t like you and you don’t like me but our best friends just died in a car crash and left their one-year-old daughter in our custody so now we’ve got to act civil and end up falling for each other’ au
  • [Basically a Life As We Know It au]
  • 'Found your number inside of a library book that looks like it hasn’t been checked out in ages and decided to text you to see if it worked au
  • 'The biggest rule of immortality is to not get involved with mortals but whoops I was in a coffee shop one day and fell in love with you and now I’m freaking out bc in the grand scope of things we don’t get a lot of time together but fuck no please don’t leave me not yet no.’ au
  • 'I just moved into the apartment next door and I am 100% sure that it’s haunted bc this building used to be a hospital and anyway I heard I noise coming from inside the walls can I please just crash here for the night?’ au
  • 'I know that you’re really into school and probably don’t want to risk your spot on the college football team, but would you mind if I smoked in our dorm room??’ au
  • Followed by 'Nah, I don’t care, as long as I can shotgun some smoke from that pretty little mouth of yours.’ au wow that got sexual and I am not sorry.
  • Went to the beach for the first time au
  • Ancient Rome au
  • Rival team captains who know nothing about personal space and constantly get into fights where they end up face-to-face every single game until one day one of the coaches yells at them to either kiss or get back to the game au
  • 'Hey, so I might have just robbed a bank right now and I kind of need a getaway car, would you pleeeeeaaase help me I can pay you back in sexual favors but also cash.’ au
  • 'I know that you don’t know me, but you were on the receiving end of my girlfriend/boyfriend’s heart donation and being around you kind of makes it feel like they’re still here I’m sorry if that’s kind of weird.’ au
  • 'Shit I wasn’t watching where I was walking and ended up spilling my Rockstar all over your white sweater I’m so sorry here have my jacket.’ au
  • Caught yelling at Go, Diego, Go in the hospital waiting room and after an awkwardly long period of silence the other person joins in bc they’ve got nothing better to do with their waiting time au
  • 'The person living in the apartment across the wall to mine is a nymphomaniac and yeah okay they’re p hot but it’s v hard to write an essay on feminism when all I can hear is sexual screaming.’ au
  • It’s three am, I just wanted some clam chowder, and some how I ended up on Hollywood Bl. can you please tell me where a good restaurant is I think I’m going to cry.’ au
  • 'Fuck my ex just walked into the restaurant with their new girlfriend/boyfriend could you pretend we’re dating so they don’t think I’m hung up on them I swear I’ll pay you later.’ au
  • 'I work at the daycare that you drop your daughter off at every week and she got me sick.’ au
  • 'So I know we just met but it’s raining and my tent has a hole in it, could I sleep in your camper with you?’ au
  • 'Okay okay okay I know we’re just friends and I don’t want anything to change that but I may have told my mom that we’re dating so she would stop trying to set me up with people would you be up to going to my sister’s wedding as my plus one so my mom won’t know I lied?’ au
  • 'Hit me, we’re on college campus and you’ll have to pay for my tuition’ au
  • 'Your headphones aren’t plugged in all the way so that hardcore porn fic you’ve been listening to for the past ten minutes has been broadcasting through the bus on full volume.’ au
  • The Breakfast Club au
  • Wimbledon [the movie] au
  • West Side Story au
  • 'Constantly getting confused as the girlfriend/boyfriend of the lead singer for a heavy metal band bc I’m always going to concerts and getting backstage passes but I’ve never even met the lead singer until the day he/she got drunk and we hooked up in his/her tour bus [whoops now we’re actually dating shh]’ au
  • 'It’s two am, we’re standing outside of our apartment building bc someone pulled the fire alarm, and you look cold and unprepared, do you want to share my blanket?’ au
  • Heartache On The Big Screen au
  • Breakfast At Tiffany's au omg pls
  • 'The zombie apocalypse started two years ago I can’t believe I still have to work at this fucking book store.’ au
  • Long Way Home au
  • We like each other but our dogs don’t so I’m going to have to ask you to stop taking this walking route you attractive fucker’ au
  • 'Sometimes, your soulmate and the love of your life don’t end up being the same person. And that’s something I had to learn the hard way.’ Au
election night in Broken Masquerade
  • <p> <b>me, sitting on my couch watching the election on my favorite unbiased news network of choice:</b> is that a knock at my door I hear<p/><b>me, getting off the couch and answering the door:</b> oh golly sure is awful I have to get off my couch and stop watching the election to answer this door when I could be watching the election and sitting on the couch rather than answering the door, damn shame<p/><b>them:</b> hello, this is Agents ██████ and ████ with the Eastern U.S. Branch of the SCP Foundation, we've been getting high Hume readings within 50 meters of this building and need to ask you a few questions if that's alright with you-<p/><b>reporter on the television:</b> "...and with Trump only five electoral votes away, it looks like we're-"<p/><b>me, immediately turning to the agents:</b> okay it's me, let's go<p/><b>them:</b> ...what<p/><b>me, grabbing my shit to leave:</b> ah yes it's me yes. please take me<p/><b>them:</b> it may be an anomaly in the natural surroundings rather than yourself, please calm down<p/><b>me, walking out the door:</b> let's go<p/><b>them:</b> no ma'am you're not under arrest please just let us ask you a few questions about the high Hume readings<p/><b>me, throwing myself into their arms:</b> let's go<p/><b>them, removing me from themselves:</b> please go back inside and sit down, you are not being detained<p/><b>me, grabbing the Kant counter from their hands and rubbing it all over my body:</b> damn wow that's a high reading! whoo!! I always knew there was something wrong with me, no worries guys I'm not anti-Foundation I support your work I hope the healthcare plan is good for human skips in containment haha am I right lads Ethics Committee 2016<p/><b>them, literally trying to pick me up and put me back in my apartment:</b> um ma'am we can't put you in containment unless you're noticeably anomalous and we've filed paperwork with the UN Human Rights Council<p/><b>me, running very fast down the stairs so that they will feel the need to apprehend me:</b> can't believe I got abducted by the SCP Foundation oh my god never a dull moment in this life am I right?? tell my family I love them lmao!!!<p/><b>them, walking at a normal pace down the stairs:</b> uhhh ma'am please stay here while we call for backup, there is nothing amiss, please remain calm<p/><b>me, forcibly handcuffing myself and locking myself in the back of their van, awaiting the drive to Site-19:</b> please remove me from American society within the next two hours<p/></p>
Bad Dream Come True - jb imagine *trigger warning*

Pairing: Justin Bieber x Reader

Summary: Justin has a nightmare in which he loses you so, he calls you to make sure you’re alright. The thing is that you’ve been suicidal the past few months and you have taken a large dosage of pills to put yourself out of your misery. Justin finds out and comes over to save you from killing yourself.

Requested: yes

Warnings: there may be some triggering content in this imagine. please do not read if reading about suicide triggers you. 

Justin’s POV

“Where do you want to go next?” I questioned y/n. We were currently on a ride around town, going to random place. 

“Um, why don’t we go to that spot we first met? It’s probably not the most romantic place but, I like the memories.” she laughed. Gosh, how much I loved that laugh.

“Of course it’s romantic!” I replied, smiling over at her. In just those few seconds i took to take in y/n’s appearance was when it all happened.

Justin, watch out! There’s a truck coming!” She yelled. Before I had time to react, it was already too late. The truck crashed into the passenger side of the car, where y/n sat. The car was pushed into oncoming traffic, coming from the opposite direction.

Keep reading

Aus

baebot and me were throwing ideas around
‘I’m sorry I got really excited about that punch buggy I didn’t mean to hit you hard enough to bruise’ au

“I take singing in my car very seriously and I’m sorry to have distracted you at a four way stop serenading my rearview mirror. Please don’t sue me I have no insurance, we can just buff out that bumper au’

'I took to many self defence courses as a child and now my automatic response when someone grabs my arm is to throw them over my hip I’m so sorry. At least I took first aid too?’ Au

'You were staring at me all class and I’m pretty sure you didn’t take any notes want to borrow mine?’ Au

'You forgot your phone on the bus next to me and I texted your dad (he was in your recent contacts) to get it back to you. and for some reason he is now convinced we are living together? Apparently you left home and are lying where you are… Don’t worry I kept your secret. I don’t know how, but hey I’m actually looking for a roommate so hey au’

'You’re a colossal douche bag to everyone at school but I’ve seen you split your lunch with the small creatures around the school and you’re really nice to little kids and the elderly at your shitty part time job but it’s not like I’ve been watching you or anything I swear.’ au
‘Oh fuck shit! Your allergic to nuts?!?! I just wolfed down a whole bag in front of you. Please don’t die, I’ll drive you to the hospital. And pay your bills I don’t know but im at your service please don’t die shit’

'I wasn’t paying attention and almost walked in front of a train thanks for grabbing my sweater- wait aren’t you the guy/gal/etc who caught me when I fell off the ladder yesterday oh shit now I’m embarrassed I swear I’m not usually this much of a clutz’ au

’ I put posters around campus for an event but your the only one to show up so I guess we can split all this food?’
'Turns out we’re the into two in the school willing to admit we like xthing so that means we’re best friends now right?’ Au

’ I can’t believe you like that one lesser known thing too… But wait. No no no, you like that character? Hmm no I’m sorry we can’t be friends’ au
'I’m the most awkward person I know but you’re always around when I say something clever’ au

'You keep fucking talking during class- but your conversation is honestly more interesting than the lecture so eh’ au
'We keep ending up in the same classes and I swear it’s not on purpose. Wait what do you mean it might be?’ Au
’ I noticed you sketching during class and they are damn good wow.. Wait is that me???’ Au

'I’ve been following your blog since jr high but it still took me almost three months to figure out who you are and now I have to remind myself to use you’re actual name’ au

'This cat keeps visiting my house isn’t he cute? Oh wait this is your cat? 
It isn’t? Oh it’s their cat?! 
Damn, their cute. You agree? Hmm maybe we can negotiate a cat share.’ Au

'We’re in like three classes together and you suddenly stopped showing up for all of them are you okay? Yes I got your name from the prof and your cell number from the online site thing. What do you mean that’s creepy?’ Au

’ you look like you have an aesthetic blog. And what I mean is do you have an aesthetic blog? Because I want to follow it my god you are beautiful’ au

'We’re catching the same plane somewhere and it’s been delayed by like six hours want to get a hot drink with me?’ Au

’ we both have a crush on the cute barista. This is war. Orrr something more?’ Au

'Holy shit the person in this picture is beautiful. What do you mean that’s you?’ Au

’ ok so I just joined this class… I know! I know it’s three weeks to the final exam. Do you mind teaching me everything? I can pay!’

'My best friend hates you and i can’t figure out why. Care to explain?’ Au

'I’m on the bus. Your hair game is strong. Like too strong.. It’s stuck in my jacket zipper and my stop is coming up.’ Au

'I know we’ve been going to the same school for almost four years but I don’t actually remember ever seeing you before Au’

’ I’m single, pregnant, and grumpy. I’m sorry for ranting to you on the bus but you just seemed so sweet. And I’m really craving nibs and you have like an entire bag in your hand.’ Au

'We both reached for the same ridiculously rare book at the second hand shop at the same time but it’s mine and if you want it you’re going to have to move in with me’ au

anonymous asked:

MintyAU "We've been talking online for a while and I think i have a crush on you except I also have a crush on the hot guy from my trig class, turns out youre the same person now its awkward" with a cute outcome?

Bless you for being so patient, this took longer than it should have. I hope you like it! Prompts are closed


Come on, give me something?

Miller smirked at the blue glow of his cell phone.

Fine. My dad calls me Nate

Monty responded in record time.

That’s not something no one else knows. I bet your dad calls you that around your friends

My friends don’t come over a lot. How do you text this fast?

Because I’m me. Now, you promised you’d tell me something no one else knows about you

Keep reading

the one where it’s late and max is sad

also on AO3 and ffn

inspired by this post from mitchrawrs (i hope you don’t mind)

Keep reading

Alright! So after seeing the brilliance that tumblr user Poopyuu added to the HoO fandom through the use of this kiss meme (found here) , I asked if I could write a fic inspired by it and voila this is what I came up with…

(And just quickly this is my first completed fic so I truly apologise for any spelling/grammatical errors or problems with the HoO characters but I did try my best!)

The sea was at rest and the sky was cloudless and Percy was bored as hell. It was as if this day, sailing along the coast of the Mediterranean on the Argo II was a pathetic fallacy for how lame this day was getting to be for him.  He had taken refuge on the front deck, lolling about for at least a half hour before Jason joined him.  Luckily enough, Percy recognised Jason’s own boredom as soon as he saw him and that meant finally he had someone to help entertain him. ‘Grace!’ Percy called and leapt up onto his feet, having previously been spread out on the floorboards. 'I’m bored, let’s play a game!'  Jason shrugged and lent against the railing, leaning over slightly to glance at the waves. 'I’m up for anything. Piper’s just shunned me from her room and Leo’s busy with, well-’ he motioned something ridiculously tricky with his fingers, ’-fixing or constructing or whatever.'  Percy frowned and stood by Jason. He whipped out a gadget Leo had given him that allowed him internet access. 'Let’s find a game then..’ He mumbled and began scrolling through options.  'Ah, we’ve already done the pocky game.’ He said, making a mental checklist. 'And the 'I love you’ game.’ He said scowling, pissed that he never quite finished that contest. He could tell Jason was sketchy about it as well because he plucked the device out of Percy’s hands and began scrolling through it himself.  'Let’s get somebody else to choose.’ Jason suggested, spooked after seeing a few crazy ones on the list.  They walked along the corridor of rooms, knocking on different doors asking people to choose a game for them, but often they were kicked out, called childish and in Piper’s case, a hair brush was thrown at Jason’s head.  Then they got to Frank’s room, where Percy swung the door open to find he and Hazel tangled together on the floor.  Hazel flushed bright red and began stumbling over herself to put some distance between her and Frank but the rest of the boys only laughed.  Percy apologised and lent against the door frame. 'Sorry guys, didn’t mean to interrupt your alone time.’ He chuckled.  'We’re kind of bored and we wanna play a game. I’d ask if you wanted to join in but I think it’s best we let you get back to whatever as soon as possible.’ Jason added.  Frank hesitated but nodded at Jason appreciatively. 'Thanks but maybe another time, why don’t you ask Nico?'  'Yeah, please do. He’s in my room.’ Hazel said weakly.  The two boys left Frank’s room and gave each other a brief look before muffling more laughter. 'At least they had their clothes on.’ Percy said.  'Oh god don’t even make me picture it.’ Jason laughed in reply.  Unfortunately, (although they would never admit it) both boys did picture it a little bit, and they both walked down the rest of the corridor, giggles gone, feeling a little uncomfortable.  Nico was found sitting at Hazel’s desk contentedly reading a book. Immediately Percy bounded into the room and ran straight over to the desk.  'Nico! Quick, choose a game for us. We’re bored as hel-’ he froze when Nico glared at him, ’-icopters…’ He placed the device on the desk and awkwardly took a step back.  Jason explained the situation further before Nico picked up the gadget and looked at the options. He grimaced before looking back up at the duo and shaking his head at them as if they were idiots. 'I can’t choose any of these, they’re all stupid.'  'Then just pick the first one you see.’ Percy shrugged. Nico looked back at the screen, covered his eyes and swiped his finger once. He squinted his eyes and read the title, 'Kiss meme…oh Gods, please don’t guys.'  Jason took the phone and clicked on the link. 'It says we just practice different kisses on each other.'  'Oh how lame, good one Nico.’ Percy droned and Nico grumbled something disbelieving in Italian.  Percy turned to Jason. 'Well?'  'Well what?'  'What’s the first one?'  'Oh? Oh okay we’re actually doing this.’ Jason said, clearing his throat. 'Um, oh for the love of god- it says a 'butterfly kiss.“ A second passed as the three of them cringed at how girly the first kiss was but it was quickly interrupted by Percy taking a step into Jason and shoving his cheek into his face. 'Go on.’ He said. Jason gulped before freezing completely. Percy had taken another step closer and it was getting difficult to comprehend.  'You’re not even blinking! C'mon, dude!’ Percy whined.  'Shut up! This is ridiculous.’ Jason retaliated but began blinking anyway.  Percy felt the gentle touch of Jason’s eyelashes and flinched back immediately before feeling Jason’s smirk against his cheek.  He pulled away. 'Do I win?'  Percy scowled. 'Not like it’s a competition.’ He said.  Jason crossed his arms. 'As if it isn’t.’ 'It isn’t.’ Percy said through clenched teeth.  'If it isn’t, then Nico would be playing.’ Jason confirmed, looking around Percy at Nico, who was looking back down at his book with reddened cheeks.  Jason suppressed his smile. Both Hazel and her brother had the same expression when they blushed.  'Nico’s playing.’ Percy said.  'Is he?’ Jason asked, unsure. 'What’s the next kiss?'  Jason looked down at the device, having forgotten that he was holding it. 'Eskimo kiss-what are you doing?'  Percy grinned and spun around to pull Nico’s chin upwards to rub their noses together. He pulled away and winked at Jason. 'Not a competition then.’ But it so was. He was still holding Nico’s chin in his hand and felt Nico tense up and pull away.  'No no no no, what the hell guys? Leave me out of this.’ Nico spat. Jason glanced at the screen and read the next kiss in his head. With a look at Percy he knelt in front of Nico and took the boy’s hand in his. Leaning down slowly, he kept his eyes locked with Nico’s as he planted his lips to kiss the fingers he held. Satisfaction grew in Jason when the red blush appeared across Nico’s face. It was quiet for a moment before Percy burst out laughing. 'Ahaha what the hell do you call that?’ He cried and took the device from Jason. 'A finger kiss? Brilliant. Nico you’re up.'  'I’m what?’ Nico asked, dazed.  'Your turn.’ Percy said, leaning down to match their heights as Jason stood up. 'Its a kiss on the shoulder, so hurry up.’ He said tauntingly, leaning his shoulders forward.  Nico nearly fell backwards on his chair at how far he was leaning back. Jason pushed Percy out of the way and caught Nico, pulling him onto his feet.  The momentum threw Nico onto him and his face smashed against Jason’s bicep. As he pulled away, the three of them heard the quiet smack of Nico’s lips.  Percy grinned and Jason blushed profusely. 'Good to know you’re really playing.’ Percy said. 'Gee,’ he added, changing his tone to a girly one, 'after witnessing that, I’m all hot and bothered.’ With that he stripped off his shirt.  Nico’s eyes grew wide and Jason frowned. 'Dude what the hell.’ He said bluntly.  'Hey, nothing wrong with a bit of skin. What’s the next kiss, I bags it.'  Jason looked at the screen, laughed once and hung his head to hide his smile. 'It’s a 'lick’ kiss.'  'Maybe I don’t bags it…’ Percy said looking away.  'No way, you have to now.’ Jason insisted. 'Go on, you and Nico.'  'I’m not doing it, no way.'  'I will.’ Nico said softly from one of the beds. When both of the boys’ eyes darted to him he smiled cruelly and said, 'I can do anything better than that hunk of sea salt over there.'  Percy frowned and walked over to the bed. He climbed onto it using his knees and towered over Nico. 'Calling me a hunk? How sweet.’ He said. Nico glared at him and leaned back but Percy just nudged himself forwards. 'You agreed to do this and you can’t kiss Jason twice in a row so don’t start running away from me.'  Nico frowned harder and clenched his fists. He looked as though he was going to punch Percy but instead he grabbed the hem of his own shirt and began pulling it off. Pale chest illuminating, he placed his hands on the demigod in front of him and opened his mouth slowly, leaning in with his eyes closed. Percy gulped and loosened his lips, droplets of sweat forming at his temples.  Nico’s tongue drew out of his mouth and swiped Percy’s lower lip tortuously slow. Percy’s eyes fluttered shut before darting open again the moment Nico pulled away.  Both boys panted as they observed each other before glancing back at Jason, who had fallen into the desk chair.  'What the hell, guys.’ He said exasperated. Percy smirked and asked what the next kiss was. Jason held the device loosely in his hands, peaked at it and answered with, 'Neck nibble kiss,’ before cringing violently.  Percy turned back to Nico and shrugged. 'Well, while we’re here.’ He pushed Nico against the wall beside the bed and lowered his head down into the younger boy’s chest. He breathed in once and then used his tongue to draw a line from his nipple up into his collar bone to plant a kiss there. He used his teeth to gently suck at the spot on the younger boy’s neck and using his hands, Percy could feel goosebumps forming on Nico’s forearms. With a particularly hard nibble, Nico whimpered and Percy smiled into the kiss before two hands grabbed his waist and hauled him away from the boy. 'HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.’ Throwing him onto the ground, Jason crankily lectured Percy about how inappropriate it was to molest a 13-year old, followed by him tossing Percy’s shirt back into his face.  Nico sunk against the wall and bowed his head, ashamed when Jason looked at him. Jason bit his lip and his eyes darted to and from Nico’s shirt that had nearly slipped off the bed so that the boy got the message to put it back on. Percy grumbled and sat up on the floor, pulling his shirt on and glaring at Jason. Jason glared back before something changed in Percy’s eyes and he smirked for what must have been the tenth time in the past ten minutes.  'Grace.'  'Jackson.'  'I believe I’m on four and you’re only on two.’ Percy said.  'I thought it wasn’t a competition.’ Jason said sternly.  'As if it isn’t.’ Percy said, mimicking Jason from earlier. 'What’s the next one?'  'Do you really think I’m going to buy into your crap after witnessing you with Nico?’ Jason said.  'Yep.'  'Fuck off.’ But he couldn’t help glancing at the screen anyway. It said 'French kiss,’ and by the look on Jason’s face, it was easy for Percy to guess it.  'C'mon.’ Percy said and kicked Jason legs out from beneath him and had him face-planting the floor. Percy flipped him over and climbed on top of him, pinning Jason’s arms above his head. Jason struggled but when Percy stared down at him with those eyes, dripping with seduction, all he could do was suppress a whimper.  Straddling him, Percy lent down even slower than he had with Nico and licked his lips. Jason felt himself staring and shut his eyes along with his mouth. There would be nothing French about this kiss if Percy couldn’t get his tongue passed Jason’s lips.  Percy must have realised this because he glanced down quickly at Jason’s pants and lowered his hips down to grind their hips together. Jason gasped, throwing his eyes open again and Percy dropped his head down to smash their mouths together. Jason quit struggling as Percy explored his mouth, causing him to moan and close his eyes again.  It felt like hours, but after a minute, Percy couldn’t help but grin into the kiss before pulling away and lifting himself back up off of Jason and off of the floor.  He started laughing at the sight of Jason lying spread-eagled on the floor, completely debauched. 'You look ridiculous.’ He said, clutching his belly.  'You bastard.’ Jason panted, sitting up and glaring at Percy.  From the bed, they heard a whimper and remembered that Nico was still in the room.  Percy turned to Jason. 'I can’t believe you would let a 13-year old witness that!’ He said sarcastically.  Jason leapt up off the ground, preparing to swing a fist at Percy but the boy ducked and ran over to the device on the desk. 'Last kiss!’ He called and ran back over to hug Jason from behind.  Jason growled and tried to grab at Percy but froze when Percy blew in his ear.  'Jackson-'  'Calm down. It’s a 'Tiger kiss.’ Percy whispered.  'What the heck is-OW  HOLY FUCK.’ Jason cried as Percy sunk his teeth down into his neck.  'Percy..you..’ Nico cried worriedly from the corner. 'Y-you’re hurting him.'  Jason swore violently for the duration of the 'kiss.’ Percy started chuckling into the bite but didn’t pull away until he drew blood.  Jason fell to his knees clutching his neck, trucker language tumbling out of his mouth like there was no tomorrow. 'Jackson you bitch, I’ll kill you.’ He hissed.  Percy stepped around Jason and floated towards the door. Before he slipped outside he blew a kiss at Nico before turning to look at Jason smugly before winking. 'I totally won.’ He said, and fled before Jason could try and punch him again.
DISCONNECTED PREFERENCE

Luke: 

I admit I’m a bit of a victim in the worldwide system too
But I’ve found my sweet escape when I’m alone with you

At school Luke was who everyone looked up to, who everyone wanted to be friends with. Who everyone wanted to be. He was basically the hottest guy in your school. Football player, a little bit of a bad boy, in a band; thank kind of stuff. He was a typical teenager. Everyone you knew had a crush on Luke (you had a pretty huge crush on him too, but you never liked to admit it).

You had always thought Luke wasn’t quite a distant person. Whenever he was with his friends he never seemed comfortable. But since everyone else believed he was you decided to too.

One day, your whole view on Luke Hemmings, the not-quite-perfect-teen, changed. You were in your last lesson of the day, English. Instead of sitting in his usual seat Luke sat on the other side of the room from you but one row in front. You dismissed this because you thought he was purely trying to get attention. Half way through the lesson you noticed someone staring at you, you glanced over in their direction, it was Luke. You tired to forget about him staring at you but it was impossible, you knew your cheeks were burning. So the only thing you could think of to stop him from staring was to stare straight back at him. You gave him a sharp stare as he just laughed and flashed a smile, revealing his dimples. Instantly, ashamed that your plan didn’t work, you looked down. Another 5 minutes later, Luke had stopped staring and was writing. In 2 minutes the piece he was writing was handed to you by the person next to you. Pretending not to care, you opened this letter as you read:

hey, i noticed you staring, maybe you’d like to stare at my face some other time, like after school. maybe we can get to know each other…

luke xx

A smile crept onto your face as you shook your head slowly, still staring at Luke’s scrawly hand writing. You scribbled down a quick okay then, see you after class… on the paper, folded it and handed it back to your neighbor.

You couldn’t wait till after class. You kept looking at the clock in hope that it would be the end of the lesson. Then finally, the bell rung out over the school, you glanced over at Luke who had a huge smile on his face. You waited till your teacher dismissed you to walk over to Luke. You didn’t want to seem too eager. but before you could even blink Luke was out of the classroom, this confused you. You felt a sinking feeling inside of you as the sad realization of the whole ‘Luke thing’ being a joke. You left school with your head held low. It was when you reached the gates when you saw Luke again, beaming, leaning on his crappy car. He walked up to you and kissed your forehead. You were, again, confused. What the hell was he playing at?

'Hi,’ he smiled looking down at you

'Hey,’ you half-smiled

'So-um-(Y/N) I was thinking if we could go back to my place for a bit and just-er-chill?’ he seemed so nervous. it was strange how someone so confident with everyone else could be so nervous in a certain persons presence you thought.

'Yeah sure,’ you giggled. He lead you into his car.

The two of you arrived at his place and his parents weren’t in, thank god! You followed him into his room as he told you to sit anywhere. He disappeared downstairs and and reappeared within 3 minutes with a tub of ice cream, cookies and a selection of films. Wow this was a different Luke to what you’d seen all these years at school. The cool, calm boy now seemed all precious and nervous. 

'I was thinking we could just watch a few films, chat and eat until you have to go…’ he looked at the floor then up to you.

'Yeah that sounds great Luke,’ you beamed. Luke and you sat/lay enjoying each others company for hours/ It had been quiet for a good 20 minutes when Luke said

'You know you really are something. I always see you at school, I think you’re gorgeous and amazing…’ he barely whispered looking at you. You turned your whole body to face him as you cupped his face in your hand and kissed him hard, passionately. In the end you both pulled away, speechless and giggling. Before kissing him again he said something that shocked you

’(Y/N), when I’m with you time stops, it feels like everything is beautiful and I never want my time with you to end. You know I only act like a bit of a dick at school to fit in. But when I’m around you, I feel I don’t need to pretend.’

Calum:

 

You are my getaway
You are my favorite place

Touring with Calum had been hard, incredibly hard. The two of you had never got time together any more. Even though it was better then being away from each other all the time it was still hard. He was either on stage, locked away in a security room before their concert, meeting fans, or too tired. It was chaos but he was dealing with it. You weren’t. You missed the old Calum. The old easy-going Calum.

It was another day of touring and meeting fans, but it was the last day of touring and meeting fans. The boys and you were happy, everyone could tell. Even though they loved touring sometimes it got too much for them at times. The tiredness would always defeat them, sometimes Michael fell asleep whilst eating breakfast. When the last show was over you could not contain your happiness. Cal got off stage, a massive grin on his face and filed his arms open to embrace you. Giggling the pair of you went to spend your last night in the tour bus before you left for home.

Two days later you and Calum were in Australia, lying in your shared bed staring at the ceiling.

'God I’ve missed this,’ Calum whispered

'Same, the past month has been so hard on the both of us,’

'I feel sorry for you babe, never seeing me,the reason you came on tour with me was to be with me, you hardly saw me!’ you knew he was getting angry and upset but you didn’t know why exactly.

'Calm down Cal, it’s okay. we’ve got each other now and that’s all that matters. My moments with you on tour meant a lot to me. Even though they were short lived, I enjoyed every second of them.’ You turned on your side, facing him, hoping Calum would do the same.

'I suppose…’ he turned over to face you, ’(Y/N) I just love you so much and I never want to lose any more time then I have to with you. In the middle of all this madness you and the boys. You mainly,’ he smiled 'are the only stable things in my life at the moment. When I see you or when I’m with you everything seems 10 times more beautiful then it already it. The madness stops and all I can think about is you.’ You planted a quick kiss on his cheek and laughed and said a quick 'I love you, Calum Hood,’ before being enveloped into Calum’s chest, his arms wrapped around you. And the two of you fell asleep, in a tangled mess of arms and legs.

Michael:

Turn off the radio
Those late night TV shows

You and Michael were caught up in your own lives at the moment, you never saw each other a lot anymore. You used to see each other every day, if it was at his house, your house, the mall, the park, anywhere. Michael and you had been best friends for over 7 years and you had been through everything together. You never saw each other as much anymore because as soon as his band hit the jackpot he was only home around 30% of the time and you were busy with college so when he was home you never had time or no one told you. You were happy for him though, ever since the day you met him you knew what he wanted in life and you knew that he would get there. Life, for you without Michael was boring. You never wanted to call him in case of the time zones or maybe it seemed like you were being clingy. You had almost got to the point where you didn’t care if it seemed clingy anymore, you needed to talk to your best friend. But there was always this horrifying thought in the back of your head that he would have forgotten about you.

You were sitting in your dorm, studying, when your phone started to ring. You immediately pounced on it. It was Michael, you let it ring once more before you answered it.

'Hello?’ a deep rasp called from the other line

'Michael?’ you answered

'Yes?’ he laughed

'Oh my god it’s you!’ you laughed. You were giddy with excitement and happiness.

’(Y/N), I’m so glad to hear your voice. I can’t remember how long it’s been since we last talked…’

'It’s been a while Clifford,’ you retorted with a sharp edge to your voice

'I know, it has been a while. I’m so sorry (Y/N),’ he sounded apologetic 'But I’m going to make it up to you this week!’

'Wait-What? Michael? What do you- oh my god I get it now!’ you laughed

'We got there eventually… Yeah so anyway this week, starts from now. Be at my place in 15 minutes.’ Before you could reply the line went dead. You got changed so quick and practically jogged to Michael’s house. You checked the time when you got to his door 11:05 pm. 'Quite late,’ you mumbled but you didn’t care; and of course to Michael the night was still young. You rang the bell and within an instant the door swung open to reveal a smiley Michael Clifford. He pulled you into a massive bear hug as you both laughed and smiled uncontrollably.

The night was spent watching films and catching up with each others life.

'I missed this and you,’ you said as The Breakfast Club came to an end.

'So have I (Y/N), so have I…’ he repeated

'We should do this more often you know,’ you blurted out 'watching films and ignoring everything else that happens in the world.’ you whispered

'Tuning out of everything else and just enjoying being with one another,’ he replied

'I couldn’t have put it better myself,’ you smiled as you looked up at him to reveal that he was wearing a smile on his face too.

Ashton:

And just be here with me

You were called into the Principles office, your stomach churning because you had no idea what could be wrong. You knocked three times on the door and the principle opened the door, looking grim. He told you to take a seat nervously wringing your sweat drenched hands. 

'Right (Y/N), I’ve got someone who needs to pick you up. Your mother has been taken into hospital after an attack. We, as a school are not aware of her medical position but you need to go. Your aunt is here to take you.’ You felt as if you had been punched in the gut. Still, you got up and walked shakily out of the school towards your aunt’s familiar car. The car journey was awkward, and to be honest you were relieved to get out the car.

In the hospital your aunt gathered most information. You weren’t allowed to know much but you knew her condition could be critical. In an hour or so you were allowed to see her. She was asleep or passed out, you didn’t know but seeing her just ate away your insides. You sat and held her hand, talking to her as if she was awake. The nurse came in 20 minutes later to usher you out, you planted a quick kiss on your moms cheek and left, just about holding back the tears.

As you wearily walked back to the waiting room you saw Ashton, your boyfriend of 6 months. He had obviously left school early to see you. In his hand he held a small bouquet of flowers, as soon as he saw you he rushed to his feet and hugged you. The oxygen was knocked out of your lungs as he squeezed you. You sat down and he sat next to you.

’(Y/N),’ he grabbed your hand 'Are you okay? Is your mom okay?’ he wrapped an arm round you protectively and kissed your hair.

'I don’t know, I don’t know anything…’ you sobbed as Ashton held you tighter

'Do you want anything?’ he whispered

'Just stay with me Ash, stay with me and don’t leave me.’ You looked up at him wiping away your tears

'Sure, anything for you (Y/N),’ he said calmly 'Everything is going to be okay. whatever happens you have me. I’ll always be here.’

okay so i hope you liked it, it took a while to write so yeah request and everything. ALSO idk should i do a part two???? send me a yes or a no please i just want to know (p.s sorry the ashton one was a bit sensitive i hope i didnt offend anyone i just ran out of ideas towards the end sorry) but yeah ily 

Transcript of the Fan Fic reading
  • Simon: I am going to now read some of this story
  • Sips: Yeah, I'm gonna close my eyes and get immersed
  • Turps: Yeah, I really wanna get in the mood as well
  • Sips: Okay, lay it on me
  • Turps: Touch my tralala
  • Simon: [reading] Honeydew flopped down into the lush grass beside me panting. Envy and lust flooded through me. I wanted to make Honeydew pant like that myself! I caught myself glaring again and looked away quickly. Honeydew sat up "Xephos! Are you alright?" he said cheerfully. "Yes, I'm fine"
  • Turps: Did Lewis write this?
  • [Simon & Sips laugh]
  • Simon: [reading] I turn to him "Look, if there's anything you need or really badly want" I move closer to him "I can make it happen." I blinked. Where had that come from? Honeydew was looking at me strangely like he was judging me. Shit! "What do you mean, Xephos?" asked Honeydew choosing his words carefully with a serious look on his face.
  • [Sips & Turps laugh]
  • Turps: Oh, the voice
  • Simon: I panicked. Why did I say that? I didn't even know I was going to say that. "Wait do you mean like.." Honeydew paused
  • Turps: [interrupting] Up.. the bum?
  • [Simon, Sips & Turps laugh. Lasts 20 seconds]
  • Turps: Criminy. Jiminy Crickets
  • Simon: Oh, shit. Oh breathe. Oh god. Oh my god, fucking hell Mark. No, no no no no. [continues reading] "Wait do you mean like.." Honeydew paused "if I wanted a flat made of Jaffa Cakes you'd make that for me?" exclaimed Honeydew suddenly his face lighting up with a grin
  • Simon: So ah, yeah that's what it was about. Lewis.. Lewis actually makes a building out of Jaffa Cakes
  • Turps: Oh, that was a fan fic?
  • Simon: Yeah.. well it might get a bit.. worse
  • Turps: Surely people have paid good money for this. Should we find some more? Are there any about me and Sips getting it on.. I mean um doing stuff?
  • Sips: Building stuff together.. building some sort of like uh.. tent.. together?
  • Turps: Is there anything where like for example I'm building a bridge, Simon's reading out uh.. donations and Sips maybe has erotic tendencies?
  • Simon: This is brilliant. This is brilliant
  • Sips: I don't know if you can see but I'm shaking behind this laptop because I'm actually..
  • Simon: Oh my god
  • Sips: Rubbing my periwinkle
  • Simon: Please don't do that.. that's against the Twitch terms of service
  • Sips: ..what?
  • Simon: [reading] Trance-like hour after trance-like hour passed..
  • Sips: There's nothing explicitly saying you can't rub a periwinkle
  • Simon: as all I could think of while whilst I was creating the house was how Honeydew would react. Would he think it was creepy? Would he think it was great? I could not know. All I could do was keep building. To keep on stacking the Jaffa Cakes up and interlocking them, securing them in place with dark chocolate and orange jelly.
  • Sips: [yawning] Oh my god..
  • Simon: As I was turning to another part of the house I tripped over something large and landed painfully on my chest.
  • Turps: Oh no! What was it?
  • Simon: [reading] In this cliché moment I expected to look up and see Honeydew as I turned over but instead a pig gazed down at me confused! I sat up and to my horror saw all the pigs from the field had lumbered up the hill and had started to bite at the walls of the house!
  • [Attention drawn away by Turps building a terrible bridge]
  • Simon: So this.. this fan fiction was called "For You, I Will Build A House Of Jaffas" by Ema Schopenhauer.
  • Turps: Great director
  • Sips: That's a long one.. how does it end? Read the last part
  • Turps: Honeydew looked up exhausted "Well that's a different sort of Jaffa filling."
  • Simon: [reading] I smiled. I'd been waiting for this moment for years. I was going to make it beautiful and quiet. I reached around, I pulled Honeydew's head gently to face mine and under the watchful gaze of the warm sun, with a joint feeling of love and warmth, we kissed
  • Simon: That's how it ends.
  • Turps: Aw, that's nice
  • Simon: It's a nice one. It..its not nothing about up the bum. You know, that's the sequel
  • Turps: Oh, is it not?
  • Sips: It didn't say.. it didn't actually say where he kissed
  • Turps: Called uh.. Diggy Diggy Hole
  • Simon: Ahhh!
  • Throughout the reading there are small giggles and laughs at various moments which can easily be put down to the fact they're reading something they're not familiar with. Simon is reading about Honeydew in a situation with Xephos who happens to be his friend and colleague both in and out of game. Why this reading has caused such rage is literally beyond me. They made a few jokes about sexual scenarios which are completely valid considering a large portion of the fan fic community is NSFW. I would imagine seasoned fan fic readers/writers felt uncomfortable and giggly when they read fanfic for the first week or so.
  • As far as insulting the fan fic goes I don't see it. As I said they laughed in places, put on a few voices and generally had a good time while reading something that was unfamiliar. A few inappropriate comments were made but I put that down to making a joke towards the generalisation of fan fic and how all of it is smut. Why people are boycotting the Yogscast over having a bit of fun with writing baffles me. I just don't see how they offended the writer here yet alone the entire fan fic community. You're blaming them for upsetting the writer when half of you don't even know how the writer feels. Do you not see how ridiculous that is?
  • If someone could be so kind as to let me know why the writer being a minor has anything to do with this that would be lovely. They're a minor.. and? Is there some law on fanfic websites which prohibits minors writing being read? Are the Yogscast going to be sued for reading the work of a minor on a live stream or is it simply another thing to try and use against them along side all your other useless and irrelevant points?
  • They read the fic. They had a good time. Made a few jokes in the usual Yogscast way and somehow enraged a portion of the Yogscast tumblr community. In typical Tumblr fashion we've shown just how ridiculous and dramatic we can be over something so simple.
  • Bravo.
Preference #220 Shopping
  • Liam: “Liam that is one box of pasta for 7 dollars, what are you on today?” You asked him, adjusting your position as you were leaning against the shopping cart. Liam shrugged, moving down, grabbed another box of pasta, a different cut, of the same brand, tossing that in too. “I don’t know.” He sings, heading down the aisle to examine all the sauces the stored offered. He grabbed a few, placing them in the cart. “Liam you know you have meetings the next week around dinner. I’m just going to have frozen meals, you don’t need to spend all this money this week.” You said, pushing the cart behind him, glancing at the price on the shelf. Liam frowned, moving into the next aisle, the frozen section, grabbing a few packages of frozen garlic bread. You rose an eyebrow at him slowly. “Why’re you buying so much nice food?” Liam grinned at you. “We need wine.” He said, scurrying away. You sighed and followed him, still confused. “Red or white?” He asked, holding them both up to you as you walked in the aisle. “Red.” You said, watching him closely. “We might be having a dinner party.” Liam said sheepishly. “What!?” “That might be the lads and the whole writing team. And my family. Bit of yours as well.” He said, walking past you and tapping your backside as he grabbed a different kind of booze. “What, did you just forget?” You said, narrowing your eyes at him. “Maybe. Or maybe it was supposed to be at Louis’ and your boyfriend isn’t very good at bets.” He said grinning at you. You frowned at him as he pecked your cheek, “You’re lucky you’re cute Payne.”
  • Louis: Louis was losing his mind, or damn near about to. You straightened out your top as you snorted, looking at him. He currently had a small silver tiara sat on top of his beanie, leaning precariously. He had also taken it upon himself to wrap a veil that had been sitting nearby around his neck, fashioning himself a little scarf. “This whole process took twenty minutes for me and the lads. Twenty. It took you people that long to talk with the lady who hates me.” You sighed, “She doesn’t hate you, she just doesn’t think you should be here. I tried to explain to her we wanted to do everything together, but you know. Tradition. And it took you twenty minutes because you dragged poor Caroline with you and just gave a yes or no. This isn’t exactly the first time you’re having a suit tailored.” You countered. He snarled turning his attention back to the shop floor. Finally, a few of your bridesmaids were coming out in the fourth dress you picked out. It was taking longer than expected, because Louis actually had quite the opinion. He nixed the green ones, then the pink as well, so now you were at a very simple silver. “That one looks like a cupcake.” He mumbled to you, pointing to your friend that was in a shorter one with a poofy skirt. You nodded slightly, agreeing. “Want to just pick a color and let them pick out their own dresses? Just say make them long?” You leaned over asking Louis. He looked grateful, nodding. “Not that I don’t love spending time here. But I’m starving.” He said, removing all the bridal things he had put on in his boredom. “Suck it up, Tomlinson. We have to go deal with flowers first.” You said patting his thigh. “Eloping. Have we thought about that?”
  • Zayn: You pulled another fishy face at Brooklyn, making her giggle and shake the little stuffed animal Zayn had grabbed for her on the way over here. “How many more shirts can Uncle Zayn try on? How many?” You asked in an admittedly. baby voice. “We haven’t even gotten to the jackets, love.” Caroline said, grinning at you from her spot on the floor, where she appeared to be hemming a pair of jeans. “Oh, we haven’t gotten to the jackets Brooke. You know how much I love Z in leather jackets, don’t you?” You asked nudging your nose with hers, she once again giggled in response. You grinned turning to Zayn who had finally entered back in the room, clad in an all black suit for an upcoming award show. You loved the start of the year, for a few reasons, but the annual ‘get as much clothes sorted as we can’ day was a favorite. “Oh I like that one, babe.” Caroline said, standing to go and adjust a few things like she always does. You tilted your head to admire him a bit as he moved so Caroline could pin him in places. He chuckled eventually, catching your eye. “What?” he said slowly. You laughed, shaking your head. “Nothing. You look good. I like the all black. And I think the boots you had on earlier with it will go great.” You said, standing and stepping over where Brooklyn was playing to go to the corner and grab them. You handed them to him, straightening out the lapels of the suit. “Very nice.” You said, pecking his cheek. “Liam tried this one on too. I can’t decide who I like it better on.” Caroline said, a pin in her mouth. “Oh, I think Zayn.” You said automatically. He laughed. “You’re right, even though I think you’re biased.” Caroline said, laughing.
  • Niall: You sighed as soon as you heard Niall knock on the door, yet again. You frowned in the door, rolling your eyes and pausing your motions. “Yes Niall?” You sang, folding up the piece of clothing and laying it on the bench in front of you. “This is the most awkward thing I’ve ever done in me life, ___. I’m dying out here.” He muttered through the door. That was the last straw. You swung the door open, your boyfriend jumping back, dropping his mouth open at the fact you were in nothing but a bra and your jeans. “Horan, this was your idea.” you said, poking his plaid shirt clad chest. “Yes it was. Dragging me with you, was your idea.” You rolled your eyes, closing the door again and tossing off the bra you were trying on, putting on a different one. “Look just because last time you laughed at my lingerie.” “Oh come on, i didn’t mean to laugh!I was just unaware that it came in that bright of a color.” Niall said snorting to yourself. Admittedly, letting the woman who worked in the store pick out the stuff you wore for Niall's birthday, because you were in a rush and need to get elsewhere, was not your brightest idea. It was neon yellow and blue, it made you look like some sort of highlighter. “I don’t even know why you like this stuff, it all just ends up on the floor anyways. You know, really-” You shut him up, swinging open the door, and giving him with a deadpan look. he wasn't exactly looking at you, but rather your chest, where the bra you had on was doing wonders. “Yeah thats what I thought.”
  • Harry: You tapped your fingers on your arm as you adjusted them as they remained crossed over your chest. Harry;s hand was still resting on his chin, his eye flitting between the two desks in front of you. “Dear god it’s like the great mattress debate of 2014 all over again.” You said, whining and putting your heads in your hands. Harry frowned, glancing at you. “I’m just saying, there are so many benefits to owning a water bed, ___.” “Yeah, yeah.” you said, waving him off. “Haz, we've been in Ikea for four hours. Not to mention, we have five more items to get. Just pick one. The white one has the extra drawer. The black one has more space. Do you want storage or space? Storage.Or. Space.” You said, shaking his arm. He smirked down at you, shaking his head. “You spent forty five minutes on sconces, babe. Lights.” Harry countered, to which you frowned. “Hey, the ones in the living room as horrible to look at- and oh my god, we’re the same person aren’t we?” You said, pushing your head into his arm as he laughed. “A little bit. Now, you just pick. I think I am just getting hungry and spacing out. We’ll get food before we go and pick out the couch and the sink.” You studied the desks for a moment, chewing on your lip. You could see Harry smiling at you from the corner of your eye. “Fuck off.” You said, laughing, unable to pick. He handed you the small sheet of paper and pencil. “Write them both down. We’ll rotate them.” he said, pecking your cheek. “Gonna go pick out a chair really quick.” “Yeah, quick in theory.” You mumbled, scribbling down the numbers.
  • notes: i had a dream harry begged me to get a water bed. this was born. hope you enjoyed!
Who won? : Luke Hemmings smut

You and Luke were sitting in your living room, bored out of your minds. You guys were supposed to go out to the theme park that just opened up in your town, but due to the false weather reports of shining sun all day, kept you locked inside while you frowned upon the drizzling rain.  “I’m not even tired” Luke stated, breaking the silence. I looked at the time and it appeared to be midnight. ‘We’ve been sitting here for six and a half hours' I thought to myself. “Wanna pull an all-nighter?" Luke asked, breaking me from my thoughts. I nodded in agreement. "Sure, but what are we going to do?” I asked, curiously. Luke looked at me and smirked. “How about we play 'too hot’?” He suggested, making me roll my eyes. 'Too hot’ is a stupid game where the two players kiss without stopping and without touching each other. If one player touches the other, s/he loses. The winner gets to do whatever s/he wants to the loser. I agreed anyways, I mean I was bored and Luke is really attractive, so why not?. I placed my hands under my bum and leaned forward, pressing my lips to Lukes. 'God they’re so soft' I thought to myself. Luke kissed me back, his large hands placed on his knees. Soon the kiss grew heated. Luke’s tongue was exploring my mouth whilst softly grazing mine once every few seconds. I knew he was going to crack soon. Hid hands were gripping his skinny jean clad knee cap, and I was hoping he’d crack soon because I wanted to win. I felt Lukes teeth sink into my bottom lip, making me moan into his mouth. I couldn’t take it anymore, I didn’t care if I won or not. We were having sex now because of how turned on. and how turned on Luke made me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself into Luke’s lap, straddling him, softly grinding my hips into his. I heard him moan as I grinded on him, and I could feel the smirk on his face because he had won. I grabbed his hands and put them on my sides, needing to feel him, his touch, his hot breath fanning over my neck as he kissed down my body. I moaned at the thought as well as him gripping my hips and grinding them into his own. “ohhh god, [Y/N]” Luke moaned, only turning you on even more than you already are. Luke picked you up and carried you up to your room, kissing you roughly. You invited his tongue into your mouth and massaged it with your own as he made his way to your bedroom with you in his arms while your legs were tightly wrapped around his waist. Luke opened a door and soon you were welcomed with the softness of your duvet. He pressed his soft plump lips to your neck as he slowly lifted up your shirt, throwing it behind him. Your pants followed along with his shirt and jeans. You both were left with nothing but your under garments. You blushed, making Luke smile. “You’re so beautiful” He quietly whispered to you, pressing his lips against yours. As you kissed back, you slid your hands down his side to his boxers, pulling them down his legs. Once they were on the ground he picked up his jeans and took out his wallet, fumbling for a condom. As soon as he got the condom out of the slot, he opened it and rolled it onto himself. You laid on your back as he positioned himself over top of you. “ready?” Luke asked, smiling down at you. You nodded and returned the kind gesture, allowing him to enter you. As he did, you bit your lip, trying to hold in the moans while he moved into you. "oh god, you’re so tight [Y/N]“ Luke moaned quietly. You let out a soft whimper, after adjusting to his size, signaling him to start moving, which just as you wanted, he did. Slowly he thrusted into you as his big hands gripped onto your hips, not too hard, but hard enough to leave bruises later. Soon Luke picked up his speed and he thrusted deeper into me, making you moan out a few foul words. "Oh god Luke” you moaned, biting your lip as your back arched off the bed. Luke instantly attached his lips to your neck. “A-are you close?” he squeaked, getting closer within every thrust. You quickly nodded, feeling the familiar warm tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach building up. “L-Luke” you moaned, chest rising and falling as he thrusted faster, going deeper, hitting the right spot over and over, sending you off the edge. Gripping onto his biceps you came hard all over him. The tightening of your walls around him brought him closer, making him come into the condom, moaning out multiple profanities. He pulled out soon after, throwing out the condom and laying next to you. “So who won?” He said smirking, looking at you, making you roll your eyes.

The Shit We've Been Served: A Waiter's Lamentation

Guys.  I have some beef.  And not the kind that tastes good sautéed with some butter and onions and whatever the fuck else you’d cook beef with.  I have some high class, fucked up, beef with people who go out to dinner and torture the servers that wait on them hand and foot.

Tonight, one of my friends got a note on her receipt.  It said the following: “Wish the first waitress would have stayed, you are miserable and you ruined my night.   TY.”

Aside from the fact that abbreviating “thank you” is one of the most obnoxious things any human could do, (seriously it’s two fucking words, if you have the balls to write this note, have the decency to write both of the words out,) this person is a flat out dick.  They deserve the curses of a thousand Greek Gods.  REALLY?  Your night was RUINED because someone, what, didn’t smile at you enough?  Aw, did baby have a bad day at school?  SACK UP. 

The name is on the receipt, and I would love to tell all of you who this person is, so that if they ever walk into your establishment you can shame them with stale bread and flat diet coke, and spill a bunch of shit on them on purpose, but I’m not going to do that, because this post is hopefully going to embarrass them enough.

Servers cater to your EVERY fucking need.  They handle tables upon tables upon tables for HOURS at a time.  It’s not like when you leave they’re done.  You leave, and then another fucking table comes and we consider it a fucking blessing if you even say hello to us and ask us how our day has been.  Yes, it’s our job, but let’s be clear, it’s not our fucking career.  You go to eat at a restaurant and the majority of the people who work there are pursuing their dreams.  They have GOALS.  They have lives, and the last thing they want to do is bring you seven fucking forks because your hands never made it through the motor skills portion of your life.

No one grows up with a dream to wait tables. 

Let’s be fucking CLEAR here.  You are a GUEST at a restaurant.  That means you act like a fucking guest.  You don’t act like the brazen asshole that you are when you go to grandma’s house for spaghetti and meatballs.  A good 75% of you are an embarrassment to society and your grandmother would be ASHAMED that she bred you.

You wouldn’t go to someone’s house and tell them they cooked the meal wrong and then write them a hateful note to frame on their fridge, right? So why in the name of fuck would you go do it at a fine dining establishment?  Darwin would roll over in his grave about the fact that you somehow escaped natural selection.  A burst appendix is more useful than you.

Day after fucking day, we deal with assholes walking into our restaurant and being angry at US, the fucking SERVERS for the following and MORE:

1)   WHAT IS WITH THE PRICING ON ALL OF THIS?!  Here’s what’s with the pricing you stupid ignorant fucks.  The restaurant priced things.  As a company, it needs to make money.  If you don’t understand the logistics of this, take a fucking econ class or go talk to Apple and see why iPhones are so fucking expensive.  There are a million community colleges I can point you towards.  I know you have the money to take the class if you have the money to eat out, so educate yourself a little bit.  Stop taking it out on the person serving you.  Guaranteed they don’t give a shit if they charge you three dollars or twenty-five for your fucking sandwich.   They’re not making up the prices.  The owners are.  If you’re not happy with it, eat somewhere else.  But don’t act like we’re in a fucking potato famine in Ireland and you can’t afford to eat the food at the restaurant because of the “preposterous” prices and then blame it on the person who took your order.  If you don’t want to pay for the food, go home and cook.  Trader Joe’s has a killer frozen food section, and we don’t have to deal with your shitty attitude if you have some frozen Pad Thai.  It’s three bucks, tops.

2)   THIS IS COOKED WRONG.  OH ALRIGHT SWEDISH CHEF.  Really?  Really?  Is your food cooked wrong?  Take it up with the kitchen.  Or actually, don’t do that either.  Because the Chef has probably been cooking for longer than you have.  I totally get if you’re sending your steak back because it’s not cooked to order, but if you order a fucking dish that’s cooked a specific way and you don’t like it because the buttermilk had too much MILK AND BUTTER, guess what, your server didn’t cook it AND additionally, you’re a moron.   He or she brought you the fucking plate that it was put on and kindly smiled hoping you would enjoy the food nourishing your body.  Contrary to popular belief we don’t bring you food cooked “incorrectly” to piss you off.  Actually, we hope that it’s cooked fucking perfectly because if it’s not, we have to take it back to the kitchen and get yelled at about your preference.  That’ s right, we get yelled at for YOUR preference. 

3)   CAN I GET THE BURGER WITH NOTHING ON IT BUT WITHOUT A BUN AND ON THE SALAD WITH NO DRESSING AND NO CROUTONS AND NO LETTUCE AND CAN YOU SUB THE TOMATOES FOR AIR BUT MAKE SURE THERE IS STILL A LOT OF FLAVOR AND THEN CAN YOU PERFORM MAGIC TRICKS WHILE YOU SERVE IT TO ME AND CAN WE ALSO HAVE A GNOME PRESENT DURING THE EATING OF OUR MEAL.  FUCKING NO.  NO, YOU CANNOT.

4)   SERVICE IS SO SLOW, MY SERVER MUST SUCK.  Oh, is it?  Is the service slow?  Look around.  How many other tables do you see in the restaurant?  Chances are your server is waiting on five other tables if not more.  And all those tables are customers who need salt, pepper, water, drinks, food, a napkin, and someone to wipe their asses because they forgot to while they were in the restroom.  WE’RE TRYING.  We’re not ignoring you because we’re taking selfies of us taking shots of fireball in the kitchen or auditioning for a fucking Broadway musical in the back.  We’re ignoring you because we’re putting in an order for the family of five that couldn’t decide if they wanted soup before their entrees came out and hoping that the owners don’t fire us because you didn’t like the way the chicken was cooked when it clearly said that it was breaded. 

5)   WHERE IS MY FOOD? It’s BEING COOKED.  THAT’S WHERE YOUR FOOD IS.  Thank GOD you’re not a fucking hunter-gatherer. Someone is going to bring you food in front of your gluttonous face for you to eat.  YOU LEGIT DON’T EVEN HAVE TO MOVE.  If it takes an hour that’s still a shorter amount of time than it would take if I gave you a sharp stick and some kindling and set you free in the woods.  IF YOU’RE NOT BEING EATEN BY A BEAR, IT’S A GOOD NIGHT.

6)   MY SERVER WAS MISERABLE Your server has been smiling for something like five million hours at screaming babies, children throwing food, people upset at the babies and the children throwing food, drunken adults, people on absurd diets, people who are making out at the table, people on their cell phones and people straight up ignoring them.  It’s a fucking blessing that your server hasn’t set the entire restaurant on fire and taken you hostage for an unreasonable sum of money.  If we’re not smiling, it’s not because we’re trying to ruin your night.   It’s because the person we JUST left yelled at us for five minutes about how the calamari wasn’t cooked the way that his fucking Uncle used to cook it on the Cape. 

7)   I’M READY TO ORDER, OH WAIT NO I’M NOT, HOLD ON STAND HERE FOR FIVE MINUTES WHILE I LOOK AT THE MENU AND ASK YOU QUESTIONS YOU ANSWERED THIRTY MINUTES AGO WHEN I WAS ON MY PHONE CHECKING US IN ON FACEBOOK.  Did you guys need a few more minutes?  No?  Well guess what, you’re getting them anyways.

8)   IT’S MY BIRTHDAY WHY DIDN’T YOU BRING ME FREE THINGS?  A lot of people were born on this day.  A lot of people were born tomorrow, and also the day before, and the day after that.  A lot of people are always born.  I don’t know what happened where for some reason being born requires free fucking cake, but it’s becoming a little ridiculous.  Betty Crocker is even sick of your shit.  Also if your birthday was two weeks ago, and you’re trying to get free dessert because you’re celebrating now, I’m not bringing you anything unless your mother is going to fucking birth you again at the table.  That’s a pretty good feat, and I will totally snag you some cake if that happens.  But other than that, I’m not singing to you because you think it’s a miracle that you came out of someone’s womb. 

9)   CAN YOU SPLIT OUR CHECK NINE WAYS ON THESE DECLINED CARDS AND DO TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS AND THIRTY SEVEN CENTS IN CASH AND THEN GIVE ME MY CHANGE IN DRACHMAS AND/OR LIRA?  This is self-explanatory right?  I’m not itemizing your fucking receipt.  I know it’s hard to believe but I’m not in the back keeping track of everything you and your nine friends ate.  If you guys split the fish, tough shit, I hope it was worth it.

10) HERE IS MY TEN PERCENT TIP.  Hey.  Hey man, fuck you.  I seriously hate the people that talk about how they don’t need to tip at restaurants.  I have some of these people in my family and it disgusts me.  I’m ashamed to admit that I know people who tip less than twenty percent at restaurants.  I hate that the argument is “you don’t tip doctors or other people in other professions.”  You know why we don’t tip doctors?  Because they already make enough money in their yearly salaries to buy seven houses and a hotel in Dubai.  Servers work for TIPS.  They don’t work for hourly because their hourly is shit.  "Well then stop serving and get a real job.“ Guess what?  A LOT of servers are smart.  They’re pursuing careers that take a lot of balls to pursue that they couldn’t fucking pursue if they were working other jobs.  They’re passionate about something.  They don’t want to work in a cubicle and input data for hours on end, they have aspirations that require them to work long hard nights catering to everyone else’s fucking needs in hopes that they can support themselves and still somehow work towards what they aspire to be.  Guess what, if they can do that, you can go out and pay three hundred dollars for a meal and afford to tip sixty on the check.  That sixty goes towards the bussers, the expo, the hosts, the bartenders, the servers, and all the people who work their asses off so you don’t have to cook food for yourself. 

I hate to come off as the bitch here, (well no, not really, I could not give less of a shit,)  but I cannot stand how entitled people are when they go out to eat.  If you haven’t worked in the service industry you don’t understand and I can only hope that you’ll try.  Honestly, a good amount of you are wonderful and you come in and joke with us and talk to us and treat us like people and that’s a wonderful thing.  We love you and you make a difference and if we had the power to bring you free dessert, you’d get a shitload more cake than the assholes who claim it’s their birthday.  You make up for the people who consider us less than human because we have the balls to put on a face every day and cater to people who consider themselves royalty.  Guess what, regardless of money, class, entitlement, etc. we all end up in the same fucking place in the end.  So be a little bit kinder to the people who go home exhausted every night and get up in the morning to do it all over again.

And to whoever left that note on my friends receipt, I sincerely hope your children spend an eternity waiting tables at an establishment that is frequented by land-faring sharks, or assholes like you.  Can’t decide which is worse, so either will work.