oh my god the things you face does to me

2016 memes

2016 memes

January:
•bad new year jokes
•if a dog wore pants would he wear them like this or this
•all these suggestion blogs
•orange soda please
i’ll have the strawberry soda
me too, the strawberry soda
•You fucked up a perfectly good x is what you did. Look at them. They got anxiety.
•kylo ren is shredded
•Jared Leto: *does something*
Director: oh my God…it’s like…is he Jared…or Joker right now?????
•tag yourself
•super mario 64 half a press
•this is x. be like x

February:
•the finebros suing something
•secret government agent: *punches me in the face* SAY IT
me: never
secret government agent: x
me: *spits blood in their face* fUCK YOU
•bernie or hillary things that have a ridicilous issue and even funnier answers
•jean something, jomething
•damn daniel
•ted cruz is the zodiac killer

March:
•the dad from kuzco being like 👌
•kazoo kid
•everyone who watched zootopia is a furry
•history of japan
•x or y? *insert similiar pictures here, like donald trump and raw chicken*
•get you a man that can do both
•going to papaw’s house for burgers
•no oscar meme is dead meme
•we dem boyz
•i’m you but stronger

April:
•marge simpson
•different variations of the hs panel where jade picks up the note
•tumblr’s lizard voting
•everyone’s a dirty homestuck
•lot of those powerpuff selves
•baby stevens
•ruining someone’s dream journal
•there’s no way out of it you’ll just have to decapitate me
•autocorrect in verbal conversation
person1: i love you
person1: *hate
person2: this is a verbal conversation
•WHAT WE REALLY AREEE
•don’t talk to me or my son ever again
•dark x show me y

May:
•dan backslide (and dover boys)
•dat boi
•stone age spongebob

June:
•are you x or y person? (tag yourself meme in text format)
•get a man who can do both is getting more popular again
•it’s june where the fuck are halloween memes???

July:
•america memes
•IT’S HALLOWEEN
•the vacuum cleaner playing a harmonica
•associating characters/songs/etc. with spongebob screenshots
•this👏emoji👏after👏every👏word
•(any videogame) go, go outside and x
•a picture of something with text, and more pictures after that, in every one of the pictures the picture starts getting waaay worse, but the text gets really detailed
•HANDSY👏CLAPSY👏IS👏A👏NEW👏TROLLSONA👏
•judge: how do you plead?
x: *looks at y*
y: *mouths ‘not guilty’*
x: hot milky
y: jc just lock them up
•hitting the blue button

August:
•arthur screenshot where his hand is a fist
•9-1-1 for kids
•Exeggutor
•harambe
•RANDY YOUR STICKS
•sausage party
•how (character) are you feeling today? *numbers from 1 to ten with silly pictures of the character*
•alola form

September:
•the thing with voltron fandom where there’s train tracks and “death in season 2” and two characters and u have to choose which one to kill
•someone: a basic word
me, an intellectual: that word said with synonyms to make it sound weird
•gonna prank dad when he gets home ((he never gets home))
•[song] but it keeps getting faster

October:
•userboxes
•the presidental debate, i can’t believe that there still are people who want to vote trump after that, yikes
•dedede
•you vs the guy she told you not to worry about
•photofunia retrowave
•picture of someone with those math things
•my longest yeah boy ever
•taking a picture of something that requiers two hands in a bathroom
•posting ur favourite vines

November:
•christmas stuff
•dick: out
•sir, you’ve been in coma
•kermit with a hood on his head
•blurred image that says perfection, after that an image where glasses are being cleaned, and then something u like
•WE ARE NUMBER ONE

December:
•BODE
• *picture of really basic or bad food with text that’s spelled wrong and the phrase “bon appetit” is spelled even more wrong"
•*dropping something, and it spells send nudes*
•x but every time y happens it gets faster
*bee movie but every time they say bee it gets faster
•several spongebob memes
•i described the meme about bad pictures with detailed text in july, it’s wildly popular now
•dramatic youtubers

apparently i missed a few things so, additions:
•steven’s knife
•joe biden
•aux chord
•dabbing
•a lot of spongebob memes, like the blurry mister crabs
•nebby get in the bag
•clowns
•harambe happened earlier than it says on the list
•several stranger things memes
•we die like men

Age is but a Number, Love is Infinite

Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,775

Warnings: age difference(nothing underage the reader is 21), language, implied sexy times

Request: Hey it’s ok if you don’t wanna do this but I was wondering if you could write a fic where Dean is his current age and the one reader just turned 20 but like her and Dean have known each other for a long time and have been together for a while and other people always say stuff about their relationship but they’re still just really happy together, maybe w/ a bit of smut?

A/N: I changed a few things like I said I would but overall I think I got what you wanted!! Shout out to @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid for being an awesome beta!! I hope you all like it and feedback is always appreciated!!! :D

Originally posted by frozen-delight

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Max Damage Dildo

Same group as the mega dwarf woman, consisting of a tiny ratfolk rogue, a blind kenku warlock, and a 7 foot tall lupine ranger (our half orc friend had to leave the campaign). We defeated a bone naga and found a hidden chest under a pile of bones with some unusual goods.

Lupine: Are these…are these dildos?

Ratfolk (is socially inept): what’s that?

L: Nothing don’t worry about it. (OOC): I take the biggest one.

DM: I can’t believe I’m letting this happen but fine, you pick up a 24 inch dildo and pocket it.

R (OOC): I also take one….I’m a rogue and I likes collecting things.

Next session we investigate a town where dead bodies have been going missing. While investigating a graveyard, two guards surprise us and are quickly determined to be the guilty party. They both manage to miss the Kenku warlock, who is standing directly in front of them…and is blind. The rogue manages to miss and is now the lupines turn.

L (*after a minute of thought*) OOC: I take out my 24 inch dildo and chuck it at the nearest one’s face.

DM: ….why did I let this happen. Okay fine, but you’re getting disadvantage because it’s an improvised weapon.

Lupine manages to pass all of the checks, and javelins the dildo into the guards face, breaking his nose.

DM: He’s just discovered something horrible about himself….he was really into that.

Our Kenku manages to climb on a guards back and hold a knife to his throat, demanding information about what’s been going on at the risk of his friend dying. They submit and we tie them up, while she also enters his mind and gains extra information.

Kenku: For cooperating I will let you go….you do not need to worry about your boss finding you. If I ever see you skulking around these parts again I will make you wish it was your boss who found you instead.

Guard: Okay…but please since I cooperated….can I take the object that hit me in the face with me?

L: Only on the condition I get to hit you in the face with it again.

R OOC: If she does this I wanna help and use mine. I may not know what it is but I know it’s the same thing and that I wanna hit him.

DM: Again, I CAN’T believe I let this happen but okay. Both of you roll a D4.

L: Uuuh I rolled a 4

R: I got a 4 too! Oh my god we rolled max damage with two dildos

We both high five and laugh uncontrollably for a few minutes while our DM questions his life choices.

roanieru  asked:

For the 1k one shot giveaway here's a prompt-ish : oblivious!Stiles with Derek trying so hard to ask Stiles out but Stiles just has no idea ❤️❤️❤️❤️congrats on the 1k!!!!!

This was so much fun to write because this was basically how my girlfriend and I got together because I’m a total dork (she and I do have two anniversaries)


the amazing spiderman 2 is on in an hour

The text comes at the best time because Stiles is bored out of his mind and ready to take up knitting at the community center with the elderly if it meant finally getting some social interaction.

Be there in 10

He has no shame in replying instantly to Derek as he scrambles to grab his hightops and his hoodie from the back of the door. Sure, Stiles understood that his friends were busy this summer. They all had jobs and pack training usually wore them out, not to mention just about everyone was paired off and was more likely to hang out with their significant other than Stiles. He wasn’t bitter, it was just how it was. But that’s okay, ‘cause he had Derek.

it takes 15 to get here when you obey the speed limit

Is that the sound of Derek worrying

you’re impossible

Impossible to resist

Stiles hops into the Jeep and dutifully follows all the traffic laws and makes it to Derek’s in just under twenty minutes.

“Honey I’m hoooooome,” Stiles calls obnoxiously into the Hale House, chuckling when he hears Derek’s sigh from the kitchen. He drops his stuff by the door and enters the room that smells like freshly popped popcorn and that jalapeño powder that Stiles liked on his.

“You know the movie doesn’t start for another forty minutes, right?” Derek asks as he brings the popcorn bowls into the living room with Stiles tailing behind him with the drinks he snags from the fridge.

“And? Despite your belief, I do not just use you for your amazing flat screen TV.” Derek snorts and sits down and Stiles follows him down at the other end, tossing his feet up and onto Derek’s thigh. Derek has long since given into it and simply lifts the popcorn a safe distance while Stiles gets comfortable and then settles himself.

“Find anything new about the sidhe?” Derek prompts, tossing a kernel in his mouth.

“Yeah, actually. I found a blog that is run by an emissary that Deaton’s heard of and he had a lot to say,” The conversation continues with Derek asking clarifying questions and Stiles regurgitating all the information he’s found on whatever creature caught his fancy this week. The supernatural were much more fun to research while you weren’t in imminent parel. The movie starts and the conversation doesn’t completely die, just have odd little pauses when Stiles gets distracted by whatever is on screen.

“Dude, why is it so cold?” Stiles asks in the middle of defining the differences between faery and fairy (BIG difference, by the way).

“Oh, a bird flew into the house and broke a window and the heater has never really worked,” Derek shrugs, tilting his chin to the end of the hall where there is indeed a window covered in cardboard.

“Well, not all of us are supernatural heaters,” Stiles snipes, rubbing his upper arm and hoping the goosebumps die down soon. Derek lets out an exasperated sigh and holds out an arm. “What am I supposed to do with that? Chop it off and cuddle it?”

“Or you could come here where it is still attached,” Derek’s eyes close and when they reopen they’re fixed on the ceiling. Well, in retrospect, Stiles was being a little dull.

“Oh, yeah, that works too.” Stiles makes quick work of getting right up next to Derek and settling in the groove between his shoulder and chest. It’s a very nice spot to be and he’s in the perfect spot to demand Derek feed him popcorn - win win. It’s maybe half an hour later that Isaac stumbles in.

“Oops, sorry, didn’t mean to crash your date,” just as soon as he had entered, the blond was gone. Stiles stares after him and then turns to look at Derek.

“What?”

“You might want to use your words, Stiles.” Derek says with a bemused smile. Stiles would laugh but he’s too focused on what Isaac said.

“Isaac called this a date, we aren’t dating.”

“Yes, that’s true. But I’ve been trying to ask you out for so long, Isaac got tired of calling it kinda-not-really-dates and just calls them dates now to save himself the breath.” Derek brings a hand up to his face, massaging the bridge of his nose. Stiles makes a strange noise and tries to lift out of his spot and ends up using Derek’s chest for leverage.

“What do you mean?” His voice has upped by at least two octaves and he can see the werewolf wince.

“It’s fine, Isaac, it had to happen at some point,” Derek says in a normal voice, obviously communicating with the beta from where he’s probably in his room. “Stiles, what do we usually do together?” The question seems odd and Stiles nearly demands a straight answer but his brain is still kinda stuck so he goes with the flow.

“Uh, we go try the new food places around town and watch movies and you took me to that really cool old book store and we walk in the park and oh my god you’ve been taking me on dates, you asshole.” Derek winces and that snaps Stiles out of his stupor, “No no no, that’s not a bad thing except that you didn’t say they were dates, you complete dork!”

“I did, Stiles. I phrased it quite explicitly the first few times. After that I kinda gave up and thought you’d figure it out eventually.” He shrugs, dropping his hand from his face with a rueful smile.

“Derek, it’s been months!”

“Happy six months, Stiles.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“No, I think we’ve thoroughly proven who the idiot is here.”

“Oh my god, just kiss me already.” And kiss him he does. Soft and sweet and just a little awkward with the way they’re both smiling. But that didn’t matter, he was dating Derek Hale and that meant he got to kiss him whenever the hecky dizzle he wanted.

“Wait, Der, does this mean we have two anniversaries? ‘Cause it started on a different day for me.”

“Shut up, Stiles.”

You know what is amazing ? Truly amazing ? Is that we can go back and reading bleach KNOWING that ichigo had a crush that transformed into love for orihime . 

Like this ichigo ? 

Totally had a crush on Orihime 

And this ichigo ? 

ALSO totally had a crush on Orihime 

And this ichigo ? 

He is a dork trying to take care of his crush 

AND THIS ICHIGO IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH ORIHIME 

AND THIS ONE GOD LOOK AT THIS ONE TRYING TO PROTECT THE GIRL HE LOVES DESPITE HAVING GREAT TROUBLES TO CONTROL HIS HOLLOW 

AND THIS ONE IS FUCKING PROMISING TO PROTECT HER . HER AND ONLY HER WHEN HIS OTHER FRIENDS WERE HURT TOO . Also in japanese culture this particular sentence hold a lot of meaning in the romantic sense . 

“ Ok ok I get what you mean “ you say to me “ But what about THAT ichigo ????” 

ALSO FUCKING IN LOVE WITH ORIHIME MY DUDE HELL YEAH 

And this ichigo ? Crushed by Orihime being taken to Hueco mundo . 

LOOK AT THIS BOY LIKE CALM DOWN ICHIGO WE KNOW YOU LOVE HER BUT CHILL DAMN no but seriously look at his reaction rukia was about to die and yet his gut reacted here at the mere mention of orihime’s name ???? 

And look at this mofo seeing his love in slow motion hair blowing in the wind and shit 

AND GOD LOOK AT HIM PROTECTING HER WHILE SHE HAD HER SHIELD IN FRONT OF HER . lIKE ICHIGO YOU’RE SIXTEEN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

And look at him not even being able to look at orihime in the eyes because he sees fear in the way she looks at him . God this breaks my heart 

Ok this heals my heart look at him being completely awestruck , look at Kubo represented her voice reaching out to him ! Look at his eyes GODFUCKINGDAMMIT 

*sobs* FUCKING ORIHIME SAID HIM TO NOT BE FUCKING HURT ANYMORE AND LOOK AT HIM , THIS LOSER HE WAS NOT ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH GRIMMJOW BUT JUST ORIHIME CHEERING FOR HIM AND SUDDENLY HE IS . NOT ALLOWED . TO SUSTAIN ANYMORE DAMAGE . He is so fucking in love with this girl it disgusts me 

Ichigo! You’re dead ! On the floor! You have a hole in your chest! like dude it’s not the time to think about orihime and how much you want to protect her oh god 

OMG ICHIGO YOU JUST HAD A HOLE IN YOUR CHEST AND YOU TRANSFORMED INTO YOUR HOLLOW WHICH WAS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR LIKE THE FIRST THING YOU DO IS ASKING ORIHIME IF SHE’S ALRIGHT WHILE SHE’S OBVIOUSLY UNINJURED . LIKE JUST HOW MUCH DOES HE CARES FOR HER OH MY GOD 

And look at him , puppy faced and all mushy mushy just because orihime cried for him . What a loser omg ichigo like be cool in front of orihime stop wearing your heart in your eyes your feelings plain for the whole world to see like that 

“ yeah I noticed you were real popular with the guys … not that it bothers … but you know… I’m just placing it in the conversation … like that … just to … you know… ANYWAY” 

We SEE YOU ICHIGO WE KNOW YOU NOTICED ORIHIME WAS SO POPULAR WITH THE GUYS AND IT BOTHERS YOU but except from keeping the creeps away from Orihime he won’t do anything about it because he always respected Orihime’s agency so much like this kid is so pure I love him god 

Look at him being awestruck once again by orihime . Thinking she is so great and amazing and his heart must expands so much knowing just how much her and chad care for him . He must be so grateful 

Omg don’t do this to him orihime he’s so in love with you SO IN LOVE . He cannot stand the thought of losing you because of tsukishima’s power look at how heartbroken he looks STOP ORIHIME STOP also orihime my love breaking through tsukishima’s ability just because OF THE STRENGTH OF HER LOVE FOR ICHIGO LIKE WHERE DO THEY STOP FOR THE OTHER OMG THIS IS TOO MUCH 

Once again look at him being all dorky and happy like a puppy just at seeing orihime !! He had just been beaten by Bach and was depressed he couldn’t protect everybody but POOF one look at Orihime safe and smiling and bam puppy eyes showing his feelings to the whole world 

OMG ICHIGO BE COOL THIS IS SO TOTALLY LAME 

oKAY YOU LOST IT I GET IT HORMONES YOU’RE A TEENAGER AND YOU’VE LOVED ORIHIME FOR SO LONG YOU’RE BOUND TO ACT LIKE THAT SOMETIMES I GET IT MY GUY 

And look at him comforting orihime like “ NO ORIHIME DON’T BE SAD NO” . Omg he is such a dork , he is so in love it’s killing me

HE WENT BACK TO PROTECT HER CRADDLING HER TO HIS CHEST LIKE SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE HE’LL ALWAYS ALWAYS PROTECT HER NO MATTER WHAT

Okay ichigo danger is over you should let her go now even if her hair is really soft and it feels really good holding her so close to you  

AND LOOK AT HIM MY GUY IN THE MIDDLE OF BATTLE COMMUNICATING WITH HIS WIFEY BY A SINGLE LOOK TO REASSURE HER . LIke godammn ichigo you’re fighting against a god FOCUS 

OMG ONCE AGAIN YOU STOP MID BATTLE TO REASSURE HER . ARE YOU SHOWING OFF YOUR NEW COOL FORM IN FRONT OF ORIHIME , ICHIGO ??? ARE YOU ???? ARE YOU?????????????

And most importantly the most in love with orihime of all those ichigo 

It’s been 12 years he’s been in love with her and look at the softness in his eyes , the casualness because THEY ARE FUCKING MARRIED FOR AT THE VERY LEAST 6 YEARS OMG THEY SPEND EVERY DAY TOGETHER BEING ALL DORKY AND IN LOVE . cAN YOU BELIEVE THEY GOT THEIR HAPPY ENDING ??? CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY ONLY EVER LOVED EACH OTHER ???? CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY BOTH GOT TO MARRY THEIR HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART ???? CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY HAD A BEAM FOR SUNSHINE AS A SUN ?? CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW HAPPY THEY MUST BE WAKING UP NEXT TO EACH OTHER EVERY MORNING GOD ????

THEY ARE JUST . SO IN LOVE . 

* spontaneously combust*

8

Liam Dunbar x Reader x Theo Raeken


~ Part 1

Warnings: Mature content, sexual content, hints of smut, nsfw.

_


“Where is she?” Theo fumed as he ran after Scott. He was on his way towards the cafeteria, in hopes of getting rid of Theo since he’s been asking about your presence at least three times just this morning.

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anonymous asked:

ahh your kang daniel au was so cute, i absolutely adore all of your university au's anxiwmxomw 😭 if you wouldn't mind, could you maybe do one for ong seongwoo as well? thank you so much, angel, have a great day!! 💖

like ten people asked for ong,,,so here’s his mini college au~~ 
find kang daniel (here) ^^ 

  • major: interior design 
  • sports: did football team with daniel for like a week,,,,dropped it and picked up swimming instead LOL
  • when people first meet him they all think he’s a serious like physics major who wants to be an engineer or a doctor,,,,,like he’s handsome and smart,,,,straight from a webcomic kinda boy
  • bUT jokes on them he’s into interior design and likes looking at textiles and getting excited over his new ikea catalogue coming in the mail
  • actually despises the fact that you need to take college algebra for the major because like ugh maTH 
  • tried to bribe daehwi into doing his homework for him but daehwi was like 50 bucks or i suddenly cant do simple addition and seongwoo was like im bROKE
  • and daehwi was like hmmm too bad ask daniel or something
  • is bestfriends and roommates with daniel which is really funny because one side of the room is covered in drawings and designs with messy canvas bags full of fabric samples and sketchbooks ,,,,,, while the other side is strung up with posters on medical safety procedures and daniels leaning tower of paramedic course books 
  • but their friendship is super cute seongwoo keeps going like “bro if we’re both sad and alone at 40 lets just adopt a dog together or something-” and daniel is like “that sounds good but no dog. 12 cats.”
  • but again they’re both like heartthrobs on campus,,,,there’s a fanclub dedicated to gushing over seongwoo when he’s in the library studying just because everyone wants to see that handsome side profile tbh
  • little do they know that virtually every close friend of his has like 3943 photos of seongwoo doing the ugLIEST faces on snapchat and shit for the Memes
  • jisung and him are in an ongoing rivalry for who has the superior shocked face they have contests like every time they meet up LOL
  • you’re actually friends with seongwoo through a class you take together,,,that dreaded college algebra,,,, and one day seongwoo tells you that he likes to drum
  • which is ,,,,,,like a dream of yours,,,,,you’ve always wanted to learn how to play and you practically beG him to teach you
  • and seongwoo being seongwoo is like ,,,,,,,, give me the answers to this weeks homework and i will
  • and ur like FINE but ,,,,idk if the answers will be write and seongwoo shrugs like it doesn’t matter as long as i don’t need to look @ numbers,,,,im good
  • so you agree to meet up in the music department later like at 8 and when you get there thankfully the drum set for the college band is free
  • and you sit down eagerly,,,,trying to do a flip of the sticks before seongwoo takes them away and you’re like HEY and he’s like “first things first - cool drummers dont flip their sticks in the air like fools”
  • and ur like -____- fine whatever where do we start then
  • and for a couple of weeks you and seongwoo meet up in the evenings so he can teach you
  • and at first it’s super casual and fun,,,you guys talk about how much you hate college algebra,,,how you keep seeing minki’s face on flyers for student government elections,,,,,how the lights in all the dorms flicker for like a good three minutes before actually turning off
  • like the usual,,,and then one day you’re sitting,,,,trying out a technique seongwoo showed you but you keep skipping a part
  • so he comes over,,,,,putting his arms around you from behind and settling them on your wrists so e can guide your hands
  • and for the first time,,,,,you’re hyper aware of how,,,,,close seongwoo is
  • how he smells like fresh laundry,,,,how the vein running up his arm looks,,,,and when you make the mistake of turning your face to see him 
  • ,,,,,,you highlight the sharp curve of his jaw,,,his dark and alluring eyes,,,,the perfect slope of his nose,,,,and his neck,,,,,
  • the warmth of his body makes you suddenly freeze up and when seongwoo notices how tense your arm has gotten he lets go,,,,
  • and for a second neither of you say anything 
  • seongwoo opens his mouth but you just shake your head before he can speak 
  • and you’re like “no, i know. don’t say it,,,i know you,,,,aren’t interested,,,,and i made it awkward,,,,,im sorry- im going to go-”
  • and seongwoo seems like he wants to grab you before you can go but you escape his outstretched arm just in time to run out
  • seongwoo left standing in the room,,,,,,confused and hurt as you make your way toward the dorms telling yourself over and over
  • that you ruined it,,,,a good friendship,,,,,with the sudden realization that you didn’t want just friendship at all did you,,,,
  • and it’s not like you skip college algebra because of seongwoo noooo haha you totally got sick and had to not come
  • but,,,,,,you know sooner or later you’re going to have to see him but you really r e a l l y dont want too
  • unfortunately,,,, it comes even sooner because someone knocks on your dorm and you think it’s your roommate,,,but when you open it 
  • seongwoo is there,,,,
  • and you’re like “w-what is it?” and he’s like looking down but when he meets your eyes he gives you that smile,,,,the one with the dimple and it makes your heart hurt but he waves the textbook he brought with him and he’s like “since you were sick,,,,i thought i should come and help you catch up?”
  • and you know seongwoo hates that class,,,that he’d never tutor someone else in it,,,,,let alone you so you want to shut the door and tell him you’re still sick
  • but seongwoo pulls a mask out of his pocket and is like ‘i can wear this so you don’t cough on me!!’ and you cant tell if he’s being silly or if he really just wants to talk to you
  • so you end up sitting beside each other on your bed and it’s,,,,,awkward until seongwoo finally takes a deep breath and turns to you
  • “you said you knew i wasn’t interested,,,,,but how could you say that?”
  • you kind of frown and you’re like,,,because we ,,,,,are just friends? you’ve never made any moves and you’re swarmed by people liking you all the time what is there-”
  • but seongwoo puts up his hand and is like “ok, but do i devote my time to those people? to teach them to play drums? to laugh with them in class? outside of class? do you know i blew of daniel for you,,,,,that’s a lot coming from me that dudes my soulmate”
  • and ur like ?????? wait so is it daniel or - and seongwoo is like nO like my bro soulmate but you,,,,,,it’s different i,,,,
  • he seems to suddenly get shy,,,,scratching at his cheek and you’re like ??? and he’s like “when i was,,,,,teaching you,,,with my hands on yours,,,,,,,i wanted to,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it’s hard to say this but i wanted to pull you closer,,,,,,,,god this is embarrassing,,,,,”
  • and you’ve never seen seongwoo blush until now and like,,,,,it’s so fREAKING cute that you just need to scoot closer
  • and seongwoo is like ! 
  • and you’re like “,,,,,i,,,,,wanted you to hold me closer too.” 
  • with a small smile he turns his body toward you,,,opening his arms and he’s like “well,,,,i can still do that. come here.”
  • and you can’t believe it but you and seongwoo fall back onto your bed,,,,you in his arms laughing at how silly this is
  • and seongwoo leans down,,,,brushing your hair from your face and he’s about to kiss you when the doorknob turns and you’re like mY ROOMMATE
  • and you throw him a bit and soengwoo ends up on the floor,,,hair a mess and eyes wide and you’re like sitting on the bed and ur roommate is just like oh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ill come back in twenty bye
  • and with that you and seongwoo let out a sigh but he climbs back up on the bed and starts tickling you because oW thrOWING HIM OFF WAS thaT NECESSARY 
  • dating college!seongwoo: he totally misplaces everything like he cant even find his own notebook so you’d probably have to be the one to be like seongwoo no no your laptop is under the desk drawer and your sketch book is on the shelf no no not the bottom shelf babe listen to me-, he looks extra fluffy in the mornings when he’s still got his hair uncombed and his eyes are sleepy but he’s also super soft because his voice gets lower and he just wants to cuddle, like seriously seongwoo just always wants to cuddle and hold hands, you could both be sweltering out in the sun on the quad and no matter how sweaty your palms get he’ll be like no we need to hold onto each other i need everyone to know you’re with me, pretends to not know that he’s being sexy when he’s laying down and his shirt is pulled up a little and he keeps pocking his tongue out to run across his lips and ur like seongwoo dont do that i need to study and he’s like do what~ and ur like oh my god,,,,,sends you random close ups of parts of his face and is like am i handsome~ do u still love me~, is a lil jealous that you and daniel get along so well but also is really happy because whenever you guys hangout together it’s a blast, does the occasional corny thing like buys you a big teddy bear that he names after himself or does a dance to try get you to give him extra kisses but it’s all worth it because he’s adorable, wants matching sweaters soooo bad and keeps dropping hints, likes when you sit in his lap and he plays with your hair while you read outloud to him, whenever you’re a little upset or scared he sings gently against your ear and it calms you down, when you can you take baths together and he keeps trying to get you to make him a bubble beard LOL 
work for it | reggie mantle (riverdale)

Originally posted by riverdalesource

a/n: if you want to be added to my tag list leave a comment below or drop it into my ask box and ill add you!! i have three different lists one for each of my short series and one for all my posts!! happy reading be sure to leave a request!🦋💙

request: can i ask for a reggie x reader where he tries to ask her out but plays hard to get? thanks! :)

it was just another pep rally for the river vixens but for cheryl blossom it meant that there was another opportunity to be in the spotlight, being the captain and all.

you smile over to your red headed best friend, she was nervous like always. her parents had attended every single bulldog/vixen event but after jason’s death they had stopped because the memories flooded back each time they sat in those bleachers.

tonight was different though, tonight both blossom parents were here to support the teenage girl, so we had practice every damn day for at least a few hours. 

we had to make this rally perfect so cheryl could show her parents what they’ve been missing.

“you know this routine inside and out cheryl, you could do it in your sleep” you reassure her placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“thank you” she smiles softly at you “what are best friends for?” you giggle bumping her hip with your own as you apply your last coat of mascara to your eyelashes.

it was our fifth and final period and cheryl had ordered an emergency practice which resulted us being forced out to practice on the field with the jocks because the gym was being occupied by freshman gym class.

“5 minute break” cheryl yells allowing us to rest and hydrate.

you wonder over to the drinks table pouring yourself a cup a icy water from the cooler they leave there for the jocks.

“drinking our water i see?” you jump at the sudden voice almost covering yourself in water “god you scared me” you mumble wiping your mouth of the fallen liquid.

it was the one and only reggie mantle, it was common knowledge to all the kids at riverdale high that the raven haired jock had a thing for you. you flirted back and fourth tension building between the two of you.

he’d asked you out multiple times as well as half the other guys on the team but you refused to date anyone of them. the girls on your squad were puzzled at your decision to turn down only the best of riverdale high but you just shrugged it off.

you didn’t want to fall into the stereo type of an ‘easy’ cheerleader.

its not that you weren’t attracted to him because god, you were. he was tall, strong one of the best bodies in your year but he was more than that. you were the only one who’d seen past his bad boy jock facade.

he had everybody fooled, except you.

“can’t a hard working vixen get herself some cold water?”

he smirks “depends” he steps closer continuing to flirt

“will this working hard-gorgeous vixen want to go on a date with this beautiful specimen of a bulldog”

you roll your eyes placing the cup back down on the table

“you know what I’m actually not that thirsty” you turn and walk back toward your squad, swinging your hips as you know his eyes are watching your every agonising move.

“your going to have to try harder than that reg” you yell to the boy

he bites his clenched fist before jogging over to his jock friends.

you begin to stretch when cheryl approach you a smirk evident on her face. you grab her shoulder to stabilise yourself as you tuck one foot up.

“what are you doing?” she questions you, looking you up and down then behind you were you know reggie is staring based on the voice of coach clayton yelling at the poor boy.

“mantle! ball. over here” you giggle turning and giving the small boy a wave

“gosh (y/n) why don’t you just say yes!” the captain fumes at you.

“because its reggie cheryl” you muse taking a break from the stretching.

she huffs crossing her arms over her chest.

“oh c’mon you don’t seriously think i should go out with him? you hate reggie and me dating jocks remember what happened last time?”

she ignores you staring off behind you

“god what are you looking out” you turn spotting a familiar red head looking your way.

you smile and wave at your long time friend before turning and facing your best friend.”

“oh. my. god.” you squeal bouncing on your feet

“what now?” she snaps

you grin widely “you have a thing for andrews gah this is golden!!”

her eyes widen and she shakes her head “no i don’t!” she defends 

you laugh clapping your hands together

“it doesn’t matter his into you- they’re all freaking into you”

your features soften “cheryl archie is NOT into me” 

“I’m serious its completely platonic- wait what does this have to do with me and mantle?” you question dipping down to touch your toes.

“well if you start seeing the bimbo jock-” you interrupt her “don’t call him that”

she sighs “anyways if you start seeing each other than you my dear friend can put in a good word with efron- and then we can have double dates at pop’s!”

“god you didn’t just refer to archie as zac efron” you giggle

she narrows her eyes causing you to shoot your hands up “fine fine ill put in a good word to archiekins, i don’t need reggie for that”.

you bend down again touching your toes when you hear whistles and a huge thud.

you both turn quickly glancing as reggie is sprawled out onto the floor clutching his head as he rips off his helmet. before you know it your legs are carrying you over to the injured boy dropping to your knees as you approach him

“reg oh my god are you okay what happened?!” you bout running your hands over his face worry covering your expression like a blanket.

he winces trying to stand up only to stumble down, you stand quickly trying to bare all his weight. “arch” you mumble begging for the bulldog to help you out.

he swoops over holding the boy up, “what happened?!” you exclaim glancing at his team mates they all go quite holding in laughter “what?!” you ask confessed looking to your friend and the injured raven haired jock.

arch sighs laughing before answering “someone was having a good look at your ass and moose clocked him because someone didn’t have his head in the game”

you laugh covering your mouth as your cheeks heat up “hey i wasn’t-” he tries to defend himself leaning against his team mate.

“oh im sure you weren’t” you tease poking his chest

“practice is over mantle your on the beach tonight” he throws his hands in the air in frustration pulling away from the support of his red headed best friend

“c'mon coach-” coach clayton tucks his clipboard under his arm pointing a finger at the raven headed captain “i can’t afford you trying to show off to your girl- rest up”

your eyes fall to the ground blushing as Reggies attempts to cover up what his coach just said

a laugh spills from your mouth but your hands dart up to stop anymore from being realised. he glances at you with pleading eyes his rosy cheeks evident on his tan skin.

“(y/n)!” you turn to see your best friend yelling your name “i gotta get back to practice to you need help getting him to the bench?”

archie shakes his head adjusting his grip on the sulking boy “nah we’re good, go back to cheryl before she bursts a vessel”

you give the two boys a two finger salute before winking and rushing back over to your hot headed cheer captain

“jeez cap don’t get your knickers in a knot” you complain throwing your hair up into a pony tail.

she huffs turning and clapping to get the vixens attention “lets go bitches formation!” she yells

you roll your eyes getting into position catching the boys staring as we start our routine. “be right back” you mumble to the red head before jogging over to the pair on the first row of the bleachers

“yes” you smile catching reggies attention, the ice pack of his head slipping as he moves his hand away. they share a confused glance before looking back at the dumb smile on your face.

“wait what?” the raven haired boy chuckles nervously “ill come with you- on a date. pop’s. tonight” you speak with confidence twirling your hair.

a smile grows on his lips “really?” you dip down to reach his eye level “as long as ginger god comes too, for my ginger goddess” you point to the anger cheerleader standing with her vixens

“deal?” you question smile lazily placing your hand on his thigh

he looks to archie and he shrugs “im in” you give your friend a fist pump before looking back to the shy boy “deal” he finally speaks smiling up at me.

“what made you change your mind?” he asks nervously

you bite your lip backing away “i told you mantle, you had to work for it”

his smugness overwhelms his features archie elbow him in giddiness as he watches his friend flirt with the girl of his jock dreams

TAG LIST✨👱🏻‍♀️: @hauntedcherryblossombanana-blog @sadbreakfastclb @jugandbettsdetectiveagency

anonymous asked:

I just had all the feels about baby Stiles, maybe two or three years old, meeting full-shifted eight-year-old Derek. And Stiles is just absolutely mesmerized by the shiny black pup with soft yellow eyes. They make friends. Stiles even sometimes naps with his head on that wolf's fuzzy belly. (cont)

And of course, as they grow up, he sometimes talks to the dog - as most pet owners do - about his day, or what he’s worried about, or how he has a huge crush on that boy Derek from across the street who’s WAY TOO COOL and would never notice him in a million years because Stiles is young and awkward and Derek is awesome and sportsy and older and did I mention awesome?

THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR FAR TOO LONG. 

I originally planned to write a fic based on it but my brain is dead writing wise at the moment and going through my old drafts, this made me smile too much not to post. 

adore fics where Stiles doesn’t realise his friendly neighbourhood dog is actually one Derek Hale and I love even more when Stiles either hates Derek but Derek has a major crush on him or Stiles is pining hard after the cool boy at school/his hot neighbour and Derek is actually too awkward/emotionally constipated to try and snuggle with Stiles in any other way but in his wolf form. Seriously, I’d read this trope 1000 times over and never get bored. 

“He smiled at me today, Sparky.”

Oh god, why did he have to name me Sparky? Who names their dogs Sparky? It’s not even a cool loser name. 

I think I was cool?? At least, I was trying to be but then he did this thing where he tipped his sunglasses down his face and grinned and I kind of face planted the sidewalk. Fuck, I hope he didn’t see.”

I did.

And then, he came to History wearing a leather jacket. Can you believe it? It’s like he knows what leather does to me…I swear, it’s like he can read my mind sometimes.”

Shit.

Kind of like last week, when I discovered I had a serious thing for guys in glasses after seeing Tyler Hoechlin in Supergirl. And then boom! He showed up to school, wearing glasses, Sparky. Oh my god, what if I have, like, mind control powers?”

How do I have a crush on you?

What if every time I develop a new fantasy, Derek feels compelled to do it? Shit. What if I end up into kinky stuff? What if he shows up to prom in handcuffs and a blindfold??

Very unlikely. Unless I work up the courage to ask you out by then and handcuffs and blindfolds are something you want to try out on prom night.

Maybe I should write him some kind of apology card. Would that be creepy?”

Probably not creepier than pretending to be a stray dog because every time I’ve tried to ask you out I forget how to talk.

Do you think I could ask him out in the card too? Like, P.S. I also think you’re really hot. Except for your bunny teeth. Which are adorable. Please consider dating me. This is Stiles, by the way.” 

Yes. Wait – adorable?

“I’m going to do it, Sparky.”

Finally.

I’m going to do the deed.”

Okay.

“I’ll start on the ten year plan tonight.”

Ten year WHAT? 

Best Friend?

Yuta fucking likes you.

Anon said: Could you write a imagine about a “bad boy” yuta realising he is in love with his sweet and shy best friend as they enter their final years of high school or just in college in general? I hope that’s not too cliche. I’m sorry if it is!!

Anon said: Can I get Yuta fluff? I noticed no one is requested for him >< poor my bb! Yuta and the girl always fight and annoyed each other a lot but they began to love each other and felt empty without one of them. So in the end he confessed to her. Thx you ❤

hOPEFULLY this satisfies both these requests. this is 3k i can’t believe this it’s ridiculous. also. these are legit some of the oldest requests in my inbox like bless they’re finally out of here. i hope you enjoy ^^

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2

Imagine: 

Harry was doing Carpool Karaoke with James and since they were really close, James had brought up you and your daughter in a conversation. 

“So, the other day, we were talking about your daughter and how she’s learned something new,” James laughed. 

“Oh, God, yes,” Harry said shaking his head. “She just turned four, right, and she’s turned into a bit of a dramatic.” 

“Really? What does she do?” James laughed. 

“Well, you know how most kids when they don’t get their way, they’ll just stomp their foot or give a pout face?” Harry asked. 

“Oh, yeah, my kids do it all the time,” James nodded. 

“Well, Y/D/N takes it to do a different level,” he laughed. “Like, she does the pouting thing and stomps her foot, but she’ll like splash water on her face and then turn to face me or her Mum and just scream, ‘I’m really upset,’ at the top of her lungs.” 

“She doesn’t?” James laughed. 

“Oh, but she does,” he laughed. “It’s honestly one of the cutest things ever and it’s so funny, so the entire time that Y/N and I are trying to get on to her, we’re holding back from laughing.” 

“If she’s like that at four, you’re in for a wild ride buddy,” James laughed. 

“Don’t I know it,” Harry laughed. 

anonymous asked:

your writing is amazing!! could you write Baltimore/post baltimore andreil in the daemon au pretty pls with extra chocolate on top?

There’s faith, and there’s knowing that Andrew won’t leave without seeing Nathaniel first.

The real question will be whether Andrew pauses long enough for Nathaniel to apologise before taking his head off. It might end up being for the best – Nathaniel doesn’t know what to say to him anyway.

Browning’s SUV pulls up in front of a Fed-infested motel and they bundle Nathaniel out. Jacinth is curled over his shoulders, partially obscured with an oversized jacket and the folds at the back of his hood. The wounds on her haunches are healing faster than any of his, but she’s not moving any more athletically than he is right now.

“Twenty minutes,” Browning reminds them as he and his badger daemon lead them up the stairs to the second floor. When he knocks on one of the doors, it opens a crack to show a suited guard with a scowl on his face and a big Alsatian daemon. He looks at Nathaniel before turning to Browning.

“I don’t like it,” he says.

“Noted. Watch him for a moment,” Browning replies, and steps by him with a brisk clap. “Listen up, people. You’ve got twenty minutes. Let’s keep this orderly and have only one person up at a time.”

The guard on the door lets Nathaniel straight through – into a wave of protests from the Foxes all objecting as one to Browning’s proposal.

“Twenty minutes? You’re kidding me,” Dan snaps, before she sees Nathaniel in the doorway, hood pulled up around his face. The shift in her expression isn’t anger – it’s relief, pure and laced with fear. “Neil, oh my god. Are you alright?”

Nathaniel hasn’t got the words to reply. It’s the sight of them that does him in, bruised and exhausted but still here when he thought he would never see them again. And as much as seeing them is a relief like every soft thing in the world, he knows that this is a goodbye. He can’t see himself leaving out that door without breaking into pieces.

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aftg characters as lines from it's always sunny in philadelhpia
  • neil: [wearing jean shorts] what is white trash about that?!
  • andrew: smoke some cigarettes. the smoke will suffocate the bacteria in your stomach
  • kevin: everybody's dying bitch, let's get you some fruit
  • dan: later, dudes. S you in your A’s, don’t wear a C and J all over your B’s
  • matt: don't bring me down. not right now. not while my nips are like this
  • nicky: oh, i get it. cute. you leave this pen here and people are supposed to think, “wait, that looks like a dick”
  • renee: well, first off, through god all things are possible so jot that down
  • allison: we’re gonna get all in your face and point out your faults
  • aaron: i'm gonna get nice and drunk, play some video games until my eyes bleed
  • riko: he does not deserve to be the king of the mountaintop I AM THE KING OF THE MOUNTAIN TOP I REIGN SUPREME OVER EVERYONE IN THIS SCHOOL I AM THE GOLDEN GOD OF THIS PLACE I REIGN SUPREME! I ! I !
5

Allison Argent x Werewolf!Reader

~ Part 1

Requested by Anon

Warnings: Sexual content, fingering, girlxgirl.
Word count: 1 491

A/N: I used the request to make a part 2 of this imagine, I think it suited well, or else I would have an similar imagine to what I’ve already written.

Tags: @peacefullytatted01, @greek-geek481

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My fic recs 2.0

A part 2 to my previous post, found here.

****Disclaimer: Basically only Klance. 

Lance has a boyfriend. Lance does not realize he has a boyfriend. Keith, understandably, does not react well.

This story gave me so much secondhand embarrassment, it’s ridiculous. I was just like groaning through the entire thing lmao. It’s really great though, I love how like Lance just goes with whatever the entire time lol. He is just so clueless

Keith is a barista who hates his job. Lance works at the cat shelter across the street.

This really is the coffee shop AU you need in your life. It gave me roughly 10000 feelings. I’ve been through a lot of the things Keith experiences in this, so it really hit home for me. ;__; super good, great ending, I love it

Lance is a humble astrophysics student trying to conduct research, which turns out to be a bit difficult to do when he finds a strange guy sitting in his customary research spot. A strange guy looking for aliens, no less.
Lance isn’t going to stand for this.

This is just a reaaaaally sweet story. :3 I love the slowburn. 

Lance is an emotional person who cries easily (and does the trembly-lip thing a lot) but tries to stay strong in front of the team.

OR

Five times Lance stopped himself from crying in front of his teammates, and the one time he couldn’t hold it back.

Seriously strong Langst ;__; made me cry. Someone please support my boy

(no klance in this one haha)

“Oh my God,” Lance says as he covers his face. Keith’s tinny voice blares from his laptop speakers: “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.” See, this joke might have been funny if someone charismatic and charming had said it, but Keith’s flat voice and even flatter expression effectively kidnaps, tortures, and then decapitates any chance of it being remotely humorous.

Keith accidentally starts a YouTube channel. Lance, of course, refuses to be left out. It goes about as well as you’d expect. (Ft. copious amounts of wine and a truly shameless number of references to MyDrunkKitchen, DailyGrace, and general pop culture)

Drunk!Keith is the cutest and funniest thing ever. I love all of his silly puns and special facts. 

Dating Daryl Dixon would include...

As I’m broadening my horizon beyond Marvel and DC stuffs, here’s some “The Walking Dead” things ! Daryl Dixon’s relationship headcanons, hope you’ll like it, and if you want more, don’t hesitate to ask yo : 

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

__________________________________________________

How you met, falling in love, and the first “I love you” : 

✶ You were in Atlanta with your family when the zombie outbreak truly started, and barely managed to leave the center of the city in one piece, loosing everyone you ever loved…But at the time, you were too shocked to realize it. 

✶ You ended up in a forrest nearby…and that’s when you met him.

✶ He was hunting with his brother, and at first, thought you were completely nuts. “Zombies ? This gal’s crazy or something”. 

✶ Quickly though, the reality of what’s happening reaches the three of you, and you end up tagging along with them. 

✶ It helps that you know how to fend for yourself, how to shoot a gun/crossbow/bow  with great accuracy (your father used to take you on hunting trips often). You’re pretty sure they would have left you behind if you were completely useless. 

✶ You’re wrong though, it’s not like Daryl to abandon people behind. Not like him at all. And though Merle is a rough man, it’s not actually his thing either, though he’d never admit it. 

✶ When they ask about who taught you to shoot, you talk about your father, and even though you try to hold your tears in…You break down. Finally realizing you lost all your family in Atlanta. 

✶ “What about friends ? / I don’t have friends”, you tell him. He understands. Besides his brother, he has no one. As your tears run freely, he comforts you the best he can. Not good with words. So he awkwardly pats you on your back, until you burry yourself in his arms. And he lets you do it. 

✶ He doesn’t speak much at first. But whenever Merle is away, he’s more open, and conversation always seem to flow easily between the two of you. 

✶ He feels weird. He never felt the way he feels when he’s around you before. It was easy to become your friend. It’s easy to talk to you. He doesn’t mind spending hours just sitting next to you, not saying anything. It’s just weird for him, to get attach so fast to someone he knows since only a few weeks. 

✶ He knows he’s screwed because the weird feelings he’s been having is love when you, him and his brother meet a group of survivors lead by a certain “Shane”, and he doesn’t like the way that guy looks at you.

✶ His brother teases him about you, not thinking he’s actually right. Until he realizes that yes, his little brother has a thing for you. More than a thing. And then he teases him even more.

✶ You’re too afraid to tell him you feel the same thing about him because…well, sometimes he’s just kind of an asshole to you, so he can’t possibly like you back ? You didn’t realized that he was an ass only when Merle was around. 

✶ The day his brother dies, you give him a shoulder to cry on, and comfort him just like he comforted you months ago when you realized your entire family was dead. Only, you’re good with words, and thanks to you, for the first time in his life, he feels completely free, relieved, of any pain and suffering. 

✶ That night, he tells you about the abuse he suffered from when he was a kid, from his parents, and the one from his brother though he loved the damn fucker…and you suddenly understand. You understand everything.  

✶ “I’m here for you Daryl, and I don’t intend on going anywhere and I”…You don’t even have time to finish your sentence that his lips are on yours. 

✶ Never did he do something that felt so right. Kissing you just seemed so natural, as if he was made to do it. 

✶ For a second, you don’t respond and his heart drops…until your tongue demands passage in his mouth and oh damn is he dead too, and is he in Heaven right now ? It surely feels like it. 

✶ You guys don’t say “I love you” just yet though. You’re already both freaked out that you got attached so fast…Besides, the World you’re living in now doesn’t really give much time for romantic shit. 

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A Revolution, A Revelation

alexander hamilton x reader

prompt: could you do an alex x reader where the reader is watching samuel give his speech and she is the one who roasts him like in the song and alex and the gang watch and yeah alex is amazed?

a/n: thank you to whoever requested this prompt i love it lots. i don’t have any requests atm so if you would like to request any imagines, i’ll try my best to write them :))

-

“Hear he, hear ye! My name is Samuel Seabury, and I present ‘Free Thoughts On The Proceedings Of The Continental Congress!’” Seabury announced in a triumphant voice, a large smile on his face.

You stood among the group of people that had formed around Samuel, your arms crossed and a frown painted upon your face as you continued to hear the ridiculous man plead things you knew were absolute bullshit.

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‘Focus’ (2015) Sentence Starter Pack
  • “Will you be my boyfriend? Just for a minute.”
  • “You’re not a serial killer, are you?”
  • “That depends, how many times does it take to get to ‘serial’?”
  • “The more you drink, the more you learn.”
  • “In that case, I am the foremost expert in Jägerbombs.”
  • “You know, it may be the roofies talking, but this was really fun.”
  • “If you had any idea what I was about to do to her… she was gonna be no good to you after that.”
  • “What kinda stuff we talking about?”
  • “Saudi bachelor party shit. R. Kelly drop cloth shit.”
  • “Die with the lie.”
  • “Then why’d you come up here if you’re so smart?”
  • “Professional curiosity. And I like boobs, figured it was a win-win.”
  • “He was so shithouse you could have taken his appendix.”
  • “You really should be more aware.”
  • “It’s a minor miracle I’m not a hooker right now.”
  • “Attention is like a spotlight and our job is to dance in the darkness.”
  • “Human behavior is very predictable.”
  • “You get their focus, you take whatever you want.”
  • “'Father’ is a very generous term.”
  • “Can we skip the part where I speak through thinly veiled allure and lead you to believe that there’s some Earth-shattering hump in the works?”
  • “There’s no Earth-shattering hump in the works?”
  • “No thinly veiled allure? No baby voice? No lingering eye contact? That’s all my favorite shit.”
  • “Does it feel sexy on your face?”
  • “No one looks at your hands when you got that working for you.”
  • “Congratulations, you’re a criminal!”
  • “And if you think for one second that I’m gonna let your mother talk to me like that, you’re fucking crazy! I’m a grown-ass man!”
  • “He uh, financed his own line of gravy.”
  • “You hittin’ that? You should hit that. I’d totally hit that.”
  • “Who was the cop with the wandering hands?”
  • “Who hits on a grieving widow?”
  • “I think we should start with oral. Just sayin’.”
  • “Stay juicy.”
  • “I’ve been in this for a really, really long time and I’ve never seen anything like you.”
  • “I was actually talking about the sex.”
  • “Oh please, there’s a thousand hoes, baby.”
  • “You’re just layin’ there. I’m like, come on, is this thing on?”
  • “There’s two kinds of people in this world. There’s hammers and there’s nails.”
  • “Is this a bad time to mention I don’t really like football.”
  • “I know my drunks.”
  • “I know my lechers too!”
  • “It’s just an expression, hard to explain. Rough translation: 'I’m fucked’.”
  • “She sounds like my wife.”
  • “It’s crazy, I know, but it will be his fault, not yours.”
  • “You have got some big fucking balls.”
  • “Kill me later.”
  • “I’m the blind mouse? You’re such an asshole!”
  • “Now, just what part of the plan calls for trays of Appletinis? Pledging a sorority?”
  • “A little small on top for my taste.”
  • “One man’s small is another man’s perfection. It’s like breasts are subjective, opinion topics.”
  • “Hey, you need to put some clothes on.”
  • “There’s Australian people here. Just sayin’, they shipped all those people down there for a reason.”
  • “You don’t know me, remember?”
  • “Stop touching my shit, _____”
  • “Whatever you want, I can keep you safe.”
  • “I’d really like to show you all the things I’ve learned. Like how I play men. Like how I just played you.”
  • “I think you’re losing it, that was pathetic.”
  • “'I’ll keep you safe?’ What was what? Does that work? Does that get you laid?”
  • “You must be really turned on with all these beautiful women here.”
  • “Oh dear God, please never make that face again. I don’t even want to know what that means.”
  • “Everybody knows you’re a lesbian, it’s completely fine.”
  • “There’s a lazy Sunday softness to your generation. Makes me uncomfortable.”
  • “Sarcasm. Another pillar of your generation. You wanna tell somebody to 'fuck off’? Tell 'em to 'fuck off’.”
  • “With friends like you who needs luck?”
  • “There’s a science to getting people to trust you.”
  • “What’s a 'race skank’?”
  • “She’s been driving me crazy. Hanging around, flirting, teasing. The minute I try to get her up to my room - a headache! A period, right? The world’s longest period!”
  • “That time of the month. It’s like a crime scene.”
  • “I have Scrabble in my room.”
  • “I was trying to steal his watch!”
  • “It’s what I’m good at and I like it!”
  • “You did all of this to make me jealous?”
  • “You can’t believe I lied? Oh, that’s so rich from you.”
  • “You’re always lying, ____! I don’t know when you’re telling the truth.”
  • “Here’s the thing about lying. Fucks up all your options.”
  • “He is not gonna die. Probably.”
  • “I cannot believe you made me shoot you.”
  • “I like you, honey, you can take a punch.”
  • “And then the girl walked in.”

Audition (Evan H. X Reader)

A/N; I have another draft saved for Thomas J. X James M. but I’m worried that it isn’t good or that people will be upset it’s not DEH, so I uploaded this instead! This is kinda all over the place though, my dudes. Enjoy.

W/C: 1,260

T/W: swearing, protective Connor, a lot of ankle pain geez

You paced back and forth behind the stage with a smile, occasionally peeking behind the curtain to see Evan waiting. You had convinced your crush and best friend to come watch you audition for the school musical.

“It’s just an audition!” You said to yourself, smiling and putting your hands on your hips. You took deep breaths and continued pacing.

“(Y/n) Murphy!” A voice shouted, calling you onto the stage. You squeaked and ran onto the stage, waving at the judges on your way. You looked up and saw Evan in the small crowd, smiling and giving you a thumbs up.

“(Y/N) Murphy, you are auditioning for the role of Christine Canigula.” One of three judges affirmed, earning an excited nod from you. You waited for the music to start patiently, then started to sing along.

“Say there’s this person you pass in the hall everyday. You’ve known him since seventh grade.” You blushed and glanced at Evan, noticing how the lyrics applied to him.

“You’re used to thinking about him in a certain way, from the persona that he display.” You poured your heart out into the lyrics.

“And then something changes.. And he changes. From a guy that you’d never be into- into! A guy that you’d kinda be into- into!”

When you finished your chest felt heavy, but immediately lightened up when the small crowd and judges clapped loudly. You turned red and bowed comically. You flounced off the stage, your eyes still focused on Evan. When you had reached the stairs you didn’t notice.

“(Y/N)!!” A voice cried.

You fell. It was a flight of stairs with eight stairs total, considering the stage was pretty tall. You twisted your ankle in a way that would make anyone cringe horrifically.

“Oh geez, oh geez, are you okay?” Evan blurted, dropping down to your side. Tears were in your eyes as the judges ran over and some of the audience stood and watched.

“Yeah.” You grunted through your teeth, looking up to keep tears from falling. Your ankle felt like it was on fire. It was a horrible pain that was making your leg feel numb.

“Her ankle is purple, I’ll call the nurse!” A judge volunteered, running off. Evan pushed the hair out of your face and smiled nervously.

“If-if it helps, you did wonderful up there.” You nodded and smiled, letting a tear fall. Evan was taking deep breaths and trying to help you as best as he could.

“Here, um, squeeze my hand to distract yourself?” Evan put his hand in yours, not expecting you to give him an intense death grip.

“Ow.” Evan mumbled, hearing his fingers crack. The nurse ran into the auditorium and practically pushed Evan away from you. She put some weird cream on your ankle and wrapped it in gauze. She then handed you a single crutch a pulled you onto your feet. You winced and put the crutch under your arm. The bell rang, which meant it was now ninth period. The nurse told you to go to your next class like normal, and that she would need the crutch back by the end of the week. Thank god your next class was with Evan and your friends. Evan grabbed your things and walked to your next class with you. You walked, well, crutched by Evan’s side, trying to keep up.

“You’re um, a really good actress.”

“I wasn’t really acting for that song.” You replied, sighing quietly.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Evan mumbled, glancing at you. God, he thought you were gorgeous.

“I’ve had a crush on this one boy since seventh grade. He’s right in front of me but it’s hard to tell him.” You would’ve been fidgeting with your hands if you didn’t have to use a crutch.

“Oh.” Evan’s face fell and he looked at the ground as he walked.

“Jesus, Evan, how oblivious are you? I’m crushing on you.” You sighed, unable to look at him. Evan almost dropped his books as well as yours.

“Me-me? Oh god, me?” Evan stuttered, his face turning red and his voice getting higher. You smiled and rolled your eyes, pretending you weren’t about to cry.

“It’s fine if you don’t like me back.” You blurted, getting a few paces ahead of him. You let the tears gather in your eyes.

“No! No, my gosh, no, no! I love you! You’re just so nice and perfect- and you were the first person to notice me! You made me feel wanted! And I love you for that!” Evan cried, doing the rambling thing he does when he gets anxious. You stopped at the classroom doorway and waited for Evan to get close.

“I love you too, Evan.” You kissed him on the cheek quickly, heading into the classroom.

“(Y/n)! How did- WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?” Connor yelled, standing up from his seat and alerting the whole class. He pointed at your ankle and checked your face, being the most overprotective brother ever.

“Who do I have to beat the SHIT out of? Is it Evan?!” Connor growled as he watched Evan walk into the room behind you.

“No, Connor, I fell down the stairs in the auditorium.” You mumbled, turning red as everyone was looking at you three. Evan stood anxiously behind you, and Connor practically ignored what you said.

“Why does Evan have lipstick on his face?” Jared snorted from his seat, crossing his arms.

“Oh my god- I am going to kill him!” Connor growled, reaching for Evan.

“Connor stop, I told him, he likes me back, we’re all good.” You groaned, grabbing his face with your free hand and making him look at you.

“Now go sit back down, weedwhacker.“ Connor grumbled and practically threw himself into his seat, mumbling to himself. You and Evan sat down slowly as the teacher coughed and started the lesson back up again.

"Great, our favorite one, now two, cripples were making out in the hallways?” Jared snorted, turning around to tease you and Evan.

“Shut up, Kleinmeme.” You giggled, turning red and taking Evan’s hand in yours. Evan smiled at you and turned red, trying not to think about how sweaty his hands probably were.


“Are you sure you don’t want anything? Water, snacks, hugs, a movie?” Evan asked again, smiling nervously. You were staying over at his house and he was treating you like a princess. He had even propped your foot up on a tall pile of pillows. You had been dating for a week, and your ankle was still bad, but getting better.

“Yes, hun’, just cuddle me.” You gave Evan puppy dog eyes and reached your arms out.

“Okay, just, let me change?” Evan mumbled and turned around. He slipped his shirt off and quickly yanked his jeans off, pulling on plaid pajama pants. He hesitantly turned around and fidgeted with his pajama pant string while walking over to you slowly. You tilted your head and looked at him with so much love it made him blush. Your eyes scanned his torso, noticing the few freckles and older stretch marks.

“Is-is it okay? If I’m, hnng, shirtless?” Evan made a weird noise as he laid down next to you.

“Yes, and you’re gorgeous.” You kissed his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest.

“I love you so, so much.” Evan mumbled into your hair, nuzzling you. You laughed and smiled, leaning into him even more. “I love you too, Evan.”

reachann  asked:

I was thinking while I was watching Voltron s02 - the episode where Keith and Hunk were inside the yellow lion and Keith was 'back-lion driving' and Hunk just told him off for it. With the Voltron Family au, what if Keith was teaching Hunk how to drive and he was doing the same thing but it just made Hunk nervous and not learn how to drive properly. Shiro probably saves the day by giving Keith some tips. Lololol. BTW, I miss you, bebz!!!

[The Voltron Family] Hunk was 15 years old when Keith grabbed his hand and they made their way to his red car, hand in hand. Keith was smiling so wide. Today was the day he was going to teach Hunk how to drive.

Keith: *squeezes Hunk’s hand* You ready, baby?
Hunk: *looks up nervously* To be completely honest, I am—
Keith: *excited* Good! *gives Hunk’s hand one last squeeze and a kiss on the forehead* Now go get in the driver’s seat.
Hunk: Daddy Keith, I—

Keith released Hunk’s hand and proceeded to go to the passenger’s seat. Hunk let out a deep sigh and went inside the car. He buckled up his seat belt and then just stared at his Dad.

Keith: *smiles* Yes?
Hunk: Aren’t you going to orient me with things first? 
Keith: *blinks and then smirks* I believe in learning on the job.
Hunk: Oh my god. Did you just quote Gobber from How To Train Your Dragon? I’m dead. I’m so dead. *drags his hands on his face* I should’ve asked Daddy Shiro instead.
Keith: *snorts* Please. Your Daddy Shiro drives under 40! Who does that? That’s so slow. He even went 20. 20! On our date, Hunk! You never get anywhere on time with that speed. 60-90 is where its at, sweetie.
Hunk: *gulps* *grips the wheel* In case I die, can you… can you tell—
Keith: *rolls eyes fondly* Oh stop being so melodramatic. This is an automatic car, it’s just easy.
Hunk: Daddy Shiro bought this car for you as a present, didn’t he? *smiles*
Keith: He did, yes. And stop with the small talk, Hunk. I know you’re stalling. Now hold the gear stick and—
Hunk: *holds the stick and selects reverse* Okay, done.
Keith: See? You know the parts well. *grins*
Hunk: I googled last night just to be prepared. *laughs nervously*

Hunk was going crazy. Keith kept on saying “Don’t push too hard on the pedal! What did I just say? You stopped too late! Hunk! Eyes on the road! Check your side mirrors! Check your monitor in front when you’re backing! Careful you’re going to hit that fence! Hunk! Faster! Go slower! Turn the wheel more!”

At this rate, he’d never be able to drive a car.

When they came back, Shiro was there to greet them by the front porch. Hunk quickly climbed out of the car and went down on his knees in front of Shiro.

Hunk: *cries* Daddy Shiro, PLEASE TEACH ME HOW TO DRIVE!
Shiro: *restrains himself from laughing* Why? What’s wrong, Hunk?
Keith: *rolls eyes* He’s just being dramatic. It wasn’t that bad. He did okay on his first day. Tomorrow he’ll improve I’m sure.
Hunk: Tomorrow? *cries in horror* There’s a second day?!
Keith: Of course. I’m teaching you for a week. Seven days, sweetheart.
Hunk: *looks back at Shiro and touches his knees* SAVE ME.

Later that night when Shiro and Keith were ready for bed.

Shiro: I should join you tomorrow with Hunk. 
Keith: *glares* Are you saying I’m not capable of teaching my own son?
Shiro: *shakes head* *chuckles* No, Keith. I’m not saying that. I’m just saying maybe it would be great to have his two Dads teach him, have a different perspective on things and all that.
Keith: *squints suspiciously* 

The following day…

Shiro: Hunk, you’re going above 30 now! Go slower! 
Hunk: But Daddy Keith said—
Shiro: Forget what he said! Eyes on the road, soldier! You’re under my—
Keith: *snorts* *places a hand on Hunk’s shoulder* You’re doing great, baby. What was that again with you wanting your Daddy Shiro to teach you?
Hunk: I think I would rather prefer yo—
Shiro: No talking and concentrate on the road, Hunk!
Hunk: Sir, yes, sir! *horrified*

When Hunk turned 16, he passed his driving test for a student’s permit with flying colours. He never cried so hard in his life.