oh my god shit is gonna get real

….The fourth qualified individual?

The… fourth… qualified… indiv–

I swear to all the gods above: If this is talking about a Fourth Child I will flip ALL my shits. All of them. Gonna flip ‘em real good, get an even grilling, and all that.

Toji…? Why, oh why, show, did we cut to Toji visiting his little sister in the hospital immediately after that suspicious-as-fuck title card?

Actually, it cut away from him pretty fast, to Gendo speaking with Rei and him asking about how school’s going.

I am this close to pulling my hair out over here.

favorite things in the batim fandom right now

  • henry being A Dad
  • the toons’ (most notably bendy’s) widow’s peak thing functioning as eyebrows and shifting around with the toon’s expression
  • the unspoken agreement that bendy starts melting when under stress or severe negative emotions
  • bendy having Daddy Issues
  • henry being a tired man who has had it with someone’s shit and it’s probably bendy’s or joey’s
  • henry being entirely too calm about this entire fucky situation
  • boris the musician
  • bendy loving tap dancing
  • boris the sweetheart, boris the show’s antagonist, boris who went the way of bendy in the game and is a game antagonist, anything boris basically
  • boris’s favorite instrument being the clarinet
  • alice being a kickass dame who don’t take no shit
  • alice and bendy shippers being totally cool with those who ship them as buds
  • those who do ship them making it cutesy and innocent
  • those who don’t giving them sibling roles
  • boris and bendy as basically brothers
  • henry, alice, bendy, and boris sleep piles
  • henry, alice, bendy, and boris dysfunctional but loving family
  • bendy is a prankster
  • and you get an existential crisis and you get an existential crisis and YOU get an existential crisis but not the humans because they weren’t created
  • bendy especially having a hard time with the above
  • everyone having nightmares because trauma, thanks joey
  • plenty of ptsd to go around, thanks joey
  • henry was drafted into war and that’s why he left the studio
  • above also responsible for some of the ptsd he’s got but he’s managing okay and then thanks, joey
  • henry and joey had a fight which is why henry didn’t return afterwards
  • henry returning to the studio lowkey contemplating punching joey
  • joey bringing the toons to life before henry left; toons are good friends with henry
  • toons brought to life after henry left; henry has even less of a clue of what to expect when the game opens
  • joey brought bendy to life with an ulterior motive to begin with
  • joey brought bendy to life with benevolent intentions but devolved into a power hungry monster as time went on
  • joey brought bendy to life because henry is 85% of his impulse control, wasn’t there, and oh my god, i’m gonna make my oc real you guys
  • joey never considering the consequences to his actions no matter how many times someone has tried to get him to shape up
  • sammy being a crazy motherfucker
  • sammy, pre-ink-incident, being 10000% done with joey at all times
  • the entirety of the hell’s studio au
  • the entirety of the toon henry au
  • the entirety of the 2D bendy au
  • the entirety of the lampblack city au
  • the very little that current exists of the role reversal au; bendy escaped from the studio long ago, summoned back by joey, finds horrifying shit has gone down
  • ANIMATOR BENDY yes i know that’s technically hell’s studio but i’ve seen it elsewhere
  • i know i’m forgetting stuff feel free to add

True ADHD things
- Where the fuck are my keys I swear I jus- oh they’re in my hand

- theres no way I really played 13 hours of pokemon today oh god I did

-either not eating all day or forgetting your meds and consuming roughly 5000 calories

-well I got distracted from my hyperfocus for 2 days so I am never gonna be interested in it again

- oops I tied my shoes tight enough to cut off circulation again

-when you have sensory overload and get legitimately upset at someone for doing stuff like coughing or laughing

-oh shit *symptom I have had my whole life* is caused by ADHD?

- wait am I hungry? Fuck I forgot to take my meds

-Forgot my headphones/spinner/phone? Might as well die

anonymous asked:

Could you do a nsfw headcannon with Peter struggling to control his strength with MJ (michelle) when getting busy. Like I feel like no one is acknowledging the fact that Peter is hella strong and it's probably really hard for him not to accidentally break 'normal' people haha. especially when primal raging sex hormones are involved haha

these are just a couple headcanonns because im short on time atm!! but if you want a full oneshot as well i’d be glad to write one because omfg i love this (slightly nsfw)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Glad it's not just me that has a thing for yg getting his ass ate. It's not that common in fics but whenever it happens I'm like BIIIINCH YEAH, THIS SHIT GOOD.!!! Why isn't there more people screaming about it???

Oh my god it’s literally one of my favorite things!

I’m gonna do you a solid and make a list of all the SugaKookie fics I know with ass eating >:} Buckle up~

The First of Many to Come by Tankunish
[Domestic AU][Married]

I Wanna Be Locked in You and Swim in You by trippingyoongi  
[Sub!Yoongi and Sub!Top!Jungkook]

I wanna be your instigator by bambambams (phanjessmagoria)  
[NonAU][Hyung Kink][Power Play][Age Play][Roleplay][Light Dom/sub]

go soft, go hard, go soft on me by 140503  
[NonAU][Dom/sub][Light BDSM][Sub Top Kook][Dom Bottom Yoongi]

You Won’t Be Able to Take Your Eyes Off of Me by mylittlesunandstars
[NonAU][Dom/sub][Muscle Kink]

hold me up against the wall by mintyoongee
[NonAU][Muscle Kink]

Pink Pleasure by squishy_satan
[Mentions of Switching]

Push my face into the bed by Thetrash
[Daddy Kink][Slight BDSM]

All Tied Up (Have You Had Enough?) by TakeU2HongKong (SierraWarrior)
[Daddy Kink][Dom/sub][Double Penetration][Watersports]

Tell Daddy what you wanna do by Thetrash
[Daddy Kink]

Baby, show me what you’ve got (and I’ll tell you my secret) by orphan_account
[NonAU][Crossdressing][Senpai Kink]

Yoongi’s Bad Day by Thetrash
[Rough Sex][Cop Jungkook]

Paint it black by Thetrash
[No Warnings]

A surprise for Jungkook by Thetrash
[Crossdressing][Daddy Kink]

Rooftop by losah
[Implied Self-Harm]

oppa i like it by automatic_dick
[NonAU][Oppa Kink][Humiliation]

it’s just me and you by makemebegin  
[Domestic AU][Slight Size Kink]

Chance by thewriterinquestion
[TaeYoonKook][Mainly YoonKook][ABO AU][Double Penetration]

I left out the multichapter fics as well as the threesomes. (I left in the last one because it’s mainly YoonKook with Tae providing a little help.) And ya’ll already know i had to put my own fic in there lmao

anonymous asked:

This ones a little weird... but how would the rfa react to waking up, after a night of drinking, in bed with mc? (In a version of the game where mc stays friends with all of them and doesn't really pick a route,,,) thnx so much!!!

you guys r so cute lolol this isnt weird :3


  • the first thing Yoosung notices when he wakes up is a sharp headache 
  • the second thing is MC
  • when he woke up he was holding MC in his arms, spooning them
  • oh my god
  • is this seriously MC?
  • i mean obviously he knows what MC looks like but he just….has to be sure that this is really whats happening right now
  • as slowly and quietly as humanly possible, Yoosung gets out of bed
  • he goes around to the other side so he can see the face of the person he apparently spent the night with
  • MC confirmed
  • he honestly cant believe it
  • MC is here, in his bed, in his arms
  • all wrapped up in his stupid star sheets
  • (these in blue)
  • he just looks at them for a few seconds, taking it all in
  • he then does the worlds quietest, dorkiest victory dance
  • he spent the night with MC
  • HIM!!!
  • thats when MC shifts in their sleep and he quickly gets back in bed, snuggling up to MC like he never even moved
  • he decides this is something he can definitely get used to!!
  • :3


  • as soon as Zen wakes up he knows he got real Fucked Up™ last night
  • he sits up in bed and stretches and thats when he sees MC
  • “shit. shit shit shit shit shit shit”
  • i am the worst human being on the planet
  • how could i take advantage of them like that
  • God please forgive me
  • why did i do that
  • Jaehee is gonna kill me
  • he stumbles out of bed, waking MC
  • “oh..good morning, Zen”
  • oh my god their sleepy voice is so cute-
  • “i am so sorry, i’ll get you a ride home right away i’ll even treat you to breakfast i swear i did not mean to take advantage of you-”
  • MC is majorly hung over and doesnt have the energy to talk over Zen so they just shush him really loudly
  • “wh…why are you…”
  • “Zen, you didnt take advantage of me, alright? this was my decision as much as it was yours”
  • they flop back down, sprawling out across Zen’s bed
  • “now will you please come back to bed? i dont wanna get up yet”
  • Zen is SHOCKED
  • MC doesnt want to leave, they dont even want breakfast
  • they just want to be with him
  • and after about one (1) single second of contemplation Zen gets right back into bed and snuggles up to MC
  • he is honestly so happy and warm and butterflies in his stomach


  • its MC
  • its really MC
  • shitshitshitshitSHITSHITSHITSHIT
  • she has to take some DEEP breaths to calm herself down
  • MC is probably dehydrated and will be hungry when they wake up and needs a fresh set of clothes and something for the headache they will definitely wake up with
  • but Jaehee is already late for work 
  • she makes a breakfast that would normally be for herself, and leaves it by the bed for MC
  • she brews some coffee that she would normally take to work but leaves it in a thermos for MC instead
  • she also leaves a glass of water and some advil
  • and on a little piece of paper she writes a note
  • “i hope you feel alright when you wake up. please dont forget to eat breakfast and remember that i am only a phone call away”
  • and on her way out the door Jaehee couldnt help but notice how cute MC looks when theyre asleep


  • he has so many mixed emotions
  • i mean, he feels happy but…
  • this is not how this was supposed to happen
  • he was going to court MC and win their heart in the most romantic way
  • not wake up next to them, disheveled
  • no, no this is all wrong
  • but somehow to still feels so right 
  • MC is so warm and soft and gentle and…perfect
  • but he cant wake up with them like this!!! ITS TACKY AND NOT HOW HE PICTURED IT!!!
  • Jumin leaves for work without waking MC but gives them a little kiss on the head before leaving
  • he makes sure that his staff knows to take good care of MC and gets them anything they need
  • he makes someone go out and buy MC a brand new set of clothes
  • and like Jaehee he leaves a note!!!!!!
  • he spends like 20 minutes drafting the perfect note
  • he doesnt want to sound too stiff but he cant sound too clingy either and he’s trying so hard
  • “my deepest apologies for leaving you like this. i hope that you are well taken care of, please call me when you wake up. Driver Kim will make sure you are returned home safety. i hope you had as much fun as i did last night. -Jumin Han”
  • this isnt how Jumin pictured his and MC’s relationship starting but he definitely didnt hate it


  • a rough morning
  • Seven is actually woken up when MC wakes up and sees him
  • “oh my god this cant be happening, this cant be happening”
  • he wakes up and rubs his eyes and then LEAPS OUT OF BED
  • “wait, did we….”
  • MC buries her face in their palms
  • “………….nice”
  • Seven decides to say with a smirk on his face
  • immediately MC grabs every pillow in the vicinity and starts chucking them at Seven
  • he bats them out of the air
  • “hey, hey whats all this hostility?”
  • MC grabs the blanket and suddenly hides under it, mumbling “because youre an idiot”
  • Seven shrugs
  • “thats fair”
  • he starts to leave the room when MC pokes their head out of the covers
  • “where are you going?”
  • “to make us some breakfast”
  • “really…?”
  • “yea. no one should have to wake up next to an idiot like me and not even get some waffles out of it”
  • Seven makes breakfast and even brings MC some water and meds
  • its actually a really pleasant morning and he’s super chill
  • then as soon as MC leaves his house

if you read all that thank you so much and i hope you liked it :3

Emotional rollercoaster
  • <p> <b>Me before D23:</b> "I'm fine, life is good, life is great"<p/><b>Me after D23:</b> "HOLY SHIT! JACK LOOKED SO FREAKING NICE! DARK GREEN HAIR AND DARK BLUE SHIRT? YES PLEASE!!! OH MY GOD, SPEAKING OF THAT DARK GREEN HAIR, IT LOOKS SOOOOOOO GOOD!! WOW, I THINK THIS IS THE REAL DEFINITION OF MY ASS IS IN SEPTIC SHOCK! FUUUUUCK!!!!!"<p/><b>Also me after my ass was done being in septic shock:</b> *sobbing* "I'm so proud of that Irish bean!<p/><b></b> *sobbing harder, thinking about the journey we went on to get to this point* "We've come so far.."<p/><b></b> *sobbing even harder, thinking about the amazing things to come* "And it's only gonna get better from here..."<p/><b>Me right now:</b> "Oh yeah....Anti could still appear at any given moment. Fuuuuck, I'm too emotional right now for your shit Anti!"<p/></p>

Skype Call Starters (Compilation)

This is a compilation post of this post and this post, in this format rather than in chat format.

  • “A dog is more articulate than that sentence.”
  • “And today and three thirty in the morning, we ask ourselves, what is a pea?”
  • “Bacon is a god send.”
  • “Calm your tit windows bros!”
  • “Can I have a small atomic bomb?”
  • “Cigarette cancer.”
  • “Come eat my soul, please, for the love of god.”
  • “Did that just say babysit the bird?”
  • “Did you SERIOUSLY just word it like that?”
  • “Did you just get swallowed by another dimension, what the fuck?”
  • “eASY.”
  • “geT OFF MY DS.”
  • “Goodbye. It’s coming after my soul.”
  • “He lives to see another day, I guess.”
  • “He spoke Spench. A mix between Spanish and French.”
  • “Honey if your vagina’s a taco you need to go to the hospital.”
  • “I can do it after I’m done killing people!”
  • “I don’t wanna fuckin’ do this, man.”
  • “I need to tell the secetary that I’m speaking Spench today because I can’t join the MMMM.”
  • “I never understood deez nuts.”
  • “I went clothes shopping and then the cops.”
  • “I’m gonna do what I do best and fuck off into the mountains.”
  • “If I get another one of these from a legendary gun I’m going out and killing someone for real.”
  • “If you’re gonna be awake and bitching you might as well do something useful.”
  • “It’s like a bird and a siren had a baby.”
  • “It’s not what I would consider a mistake, but it’s not cute.”
  • “MISSLE.”
  • “My boyfriend dumped me I’m gonna nuke Japan.”
  • “No one gives a shit.”
  • “Nuclear explosion. Suddenly: Aurora Borealis!”
  • “Oh my god this is the ugliest thing. I’m wearing it.”
  • “Oooh this is bad I’m standing on a roll-y chair.”
  • “Oooh, I hit you hard, didn’t I?”
  • “Rub your own toe!”
  • “Satan had enough screaming for one day.”
  • “Satan is back in the household.”
  • “Satan left.”
  • “Shut up about tastebuds you burned those off!”
  • “Speaking of Irish–”
  • “That guy who faked his death didn’t die.”
  • “That’s a volleyball you uncultured swine.”
  • “The Americans don’t exist any more.”
  • “These cats just turned into noodles.”
  • “This little bitch in pre-school–”
  • “This little fucker is eluding me.”
  • “Wanna eat a bug?”
  • “We all need our ass kicked once in a while.”
  • “We don’t care about a pig’s ass!”
  • “What’s up sluts, guess who just got out of Hoenn?”
  • “Why have Obamacare when you can have Obama Hair?”
  • “Yay we won guess who did all the work. Me. I did.”
  • “Yeah I’m evaporating.”
  • “You just cannot talk, can you?”
  • “You will not be flipping people off while we do explicit things.”
  • “You’ve all heard of the birds and the bees, but have you heard of the birds and the babies?”

Posts on: February 9th

Summary: When Sam was accepted to Stanford, he finally convinced Dean to move to Los Angeles to pursue his acting dreams after sacrificing for four years to support Sam throughout high school. Dean never imagined landing the starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster film franchise, but in just two years he’d gone from obscurity on the Lawrence Community Theater stage to become one of the fastest rising stars in the country. 

He’s adapting pretty well to this new life in the spotlight– until one unhealthily obsessed fan prompts Dean’s agent to hire a specialist from Seraphim Security to watch over him.

Enter Castiel, one of Seraphim’s newest “Angels,” and the only one available to take on Dean’s case a week before Christmas. With Dean’s life on the line, Castiel does his best to maintain a professional distance, but with every passing day they’re both finding themselves making more and more exceptions to their rules.

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

Keep reading

ok if it all works out, i’m gonna start trying to answer some of the infinity war questions i’m getting toward the end of the week. just a general psa though: i am….. not ready to jump on the pessimistic/bitter train regarding tony’s role in the movie yet??

mostly there’s a lot of “oh god no i can’t deal with this stress” going on here at this end with how real life is a shit show (personally and politically lol) and my fave (616 tony) is Gone and mcu is my last life line (imagine this level of desperation lmao!!) but like for whatever it’s worth, i have been able to rationalize my desperate last-ditch positivity with a few semi-objective reasons

1) honestly i am shutting out any “was the letter supposed to fix everything??” worries from my life because we’ve heard from both the russos and rdj that the team is split and steve is still “s-listed”

2) we also know that the avengers rift is going to be their biggest weakness against THANOS like if we’ve got a story where a space titan will be waged against AVENGERS INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT then yeah i already know that said interpersonal conflict is not gonna be an easy fix. if i’m worried about anything, i’m worried that tony will (rightfully) be resenting steve to the point where it hinders their group performance and that’s where any “tony painted as A Villain” worries would live if i had any, and,

3) i really don’t have any at this point because i think that what’s missing from the idea that “tony’s emotional reactions to steve might be depicted as a problem and that’s a bad thing” is the fact that those would be REACTIONS to SOMETHING STEVE DID and i’m telling myself people are underestimating how much the movie will focus on the fact that steve betrayed tony’s trust and tony has no reason to trust him and basically how justified tony is going to look

4) i am telling myself that based on the premise that this movie will ACTUALLY be a team-perspective movie rather than a STEVE-perspective movie. as much as people say that cap 3 was “an avengers movie, not a cap movie,” it WASN’T. it was never meant to be, i can’t count how many times the cap 3 creative people and actors reiterated that “at the end of the day, this is a captain america movie” and whether or not people think it was a successful cap movie, the fact is, we have NOT seen this creative team (russos + m&m) actually legitimately setting out to make an AVENGERS movie. the cameras in cap 3 were following steve 90% of the time, we don’t actually know what this sort of stuff looks like in a movie where we get to follow *tony* when he walks out of the room as well, and

5) EVEN THOUGH cap 3 was a movie that followed steve’s perspective, the russos still wanted it to not take steve’s side. they said multiple times that they were going for a 50-50 team cap vs team iron man split and they cared to do that within the constraints of a movie that followed steve’s line of sight and honestly? i may be too far up my pro-tony ass but i think they all did a GREAT JOB getting tony’s side to come across, in a movie where he was working against the PROTAGONIST so i really have no reason to believe they won’t do a good job with tony when tony is ALSO a protagonist

6) a billion things these guys could have said about the avengers status and whereabouts re: infinity war and they SPECIFICALLY zoomed in on tony to talk about how TONY is already addressing the main threat in this movie with no input from steve & co, like to people’s pessimistic “tony will HAVE to get steve’s help UGH” i raise the other side of that coin, aka “how fucking bad will these guys look when they’re all together and TONY turns out to have been the one Doing Shit while these guys were incognito somewhere because they’re on the entire world’s shit list by their own hand” –> i daresay that’s tony’s perspective on the whole deal and again we HAVE NOT SEEN ANY OF THIS TOLD THROUGH TONY’S PERSPECTIVE YET

7) also idk how many of you were here for this but like i spent months crying about the things i wished i could see in a civil war adaptation and i STRAIGHT UP GOT EVERYTHING I WANTED (minus the glass punching scene like that was literally the One Thing)??? lol i specifically remember posting something like “please introduce tony by having him wax poetic about Future so that his Ideal may be juxtaposed with all the shit that follows” and full offense cap 3 legitimately gave me “REFRAME THE FUTURE!!” AND “bitter The Futurist tone a la Confession” i’m still in awe because this wasn’t a “oh this is in the comics, i WANT it” sort of thing, it was a “if these people know two shits about tony they’re gonna think a little and extrapolate and givE ME THIS” thing and THEY WENT THERE GOOD LORD i’m still !!!!!!!! at tony’s cap 3 introduction i mean on top of everything else it is ALSO A *PERFECT* PARALLEL TO HIS IM1 MERCHANT OF DEATH INTRO

(HONESTLY??? HONESTLY??? tony receiving an award (IM1) vs tony giving an award (cap 3), tony distracting himself with people’s shallow attentions (IM1) vs backstage avoidance!tony stark (cap 3), “it’s an imperfect world but it’s the only one we’ve got” (IM1) vs “REFRAME THE FUTURE! STARTING NOW!” (cap 3), tony’s reaction to christine vs tony’s reaction to mrs spencer like fuckiNG HONESTLY GUYS the post-IM1 movies WISH they’d been this good at drawing tony’s character development lmao)

truth is, these people Knew Their Tony Stark Shit, full offense, and idk if it was m&m or the russos or rdj or the power of all my desperate prayers, all i know is that those same elements are present in infinity war and honestly?? honestly?? i am so entirely ready for that level of Tony Stark Quality ™ in a movie thAT ACTUALLY HAS AN OBLIGATORY TONY STARK FOCUS and i have SO MANY BAD THINGS IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, PLEASE LET ME BE HAPPY FOR FULL 20 SECONDS

Justlex Roadtrip #7

“How much do you think it costs to adopt a penguin?”

“Too much.”

“Seriously, like-”

“You’re not adopting any penguins, Mr. Popper,” Alex laughs. 

From within the gift shop of the Aquarium, Justin gives him a strange look. “Mr. Popper?” 

“Yeah, you know, the book? Mr. Popper’s Penguins? Where he gets a bunch of penguins and they wreck havoc?” Alex explains.

“Wasn’t that a movie-?”

“We don’t talk about that monstrosity.”

“Uh… okay?” Justin says, puzzled by Alex’s suddenly serious tone. 

 “Didn’t you read it in elementary school?” asks Alex. 

“No,” Justin replies. 

Alex shakes his head and rests a hand on Justin’s shoulder. “You poor child.” 

“I was never a reader.”

“And that’s where you went wrong.”

“I think I saw the movie-”

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Alex holds his hand up. He shoves a plush penguin into Justin’s arms. It’s soft with big eyes and rosy cheeks. “I’ll buy this for you if you never mention that eyesore again.” 

Justin can’t help but chuckle. “Dude, I didn’t think you were so passionate about shit like that.” 

“Do you want the penguin or not?”

“…Yes, please.” 

Along with the plush penguin, they also buy two shot glasses with whales on them, t-shirts, and a keychain with an anglerfish on it. The keychain’s for Alex, of course, but Justin keeps eyeing it when they’re at lunch and Alex’s putting his keys on it. 

“I can’t believe you bought a Satan keychain,” Justin says with a mouthful of fries. 

“Anglerfish,” Alex corrects. “Look, it lights up.” He pushes a button and the little light on the antenna glows. Justin glares at the tiny light. 

“I’m gonna have nightmares.”

“This’s suppose to be fun, remember?”

“I was having a good time until you took me to hell.”

“Oh, my God, Justin,” Alex laughs. 

Justin smiles. “It was fun. I’ve never seen shit like that in real life, y’know? I mean, it’s a lot different than on a TV screen.” 

“Maybe you, me and Zach can study fish together.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”


“He’d get tired of us real quick,” Justin says. He reaches over and places his hand on Alex’s thigh.  

Alex raises a brow. “And what would make him so tired, hm?” he asks, leaning over and stealing a fry off Justin’s tray. The hand moves up his thigh just as a worker comes by to wipe the table next to theirs. Alex stops the traveling hand, moving it over to sit in Justin’s lap. The worker eyes them with a frown but says nothing. The two stare at the worker until he leaves. 

Justin’s about to speak when Alex’s phone goes off. 

Alex sighs. “My dad.” He answers it. “Hello?”

Justin continues to steal fries while Alex talks to his father. It’s not a compelling or complex conversation from what Justin can gather. When Alex hangs up, he’s suddenly exhausted. Talking to his father does that. 

Justin’s knee knocks against his. “We good?” he asks. 

“Yep.” Alex goes to grab a fry, only to find they’re gone. “…Did you eat all my fries?”

Justin shrugs. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says quickly. 

Alex leans back in his seat, glaring at Justin with a slightly parted mouth. “…You totally ate all my fries.”


“Yes, you did.”

“Did not.”

Alex shakes his head. “…That’s it!” he exclaims, throwing his hands up. “I want a divorce!”

Justin pauses mid-drink and raises a questioning brow at Alex’s overly serious face. “…What?”

“I want a divorce.”

“…What the fuck are you talking about? We’re not married.”

“Not anymore because we’re getting divorced.”


“We’re getting divorced and I’m taking the kids.”


“And the house.”


“And the dog.”

“Woah, hold up.” Justin sets his drink down and turns to fully face Alex. “You can take the kids, the house, and all my money, but you are not taking the dog.”

Alex leans forward, staring into Justin’s eyes as he whispers, “I’m taking the fucking dog.”

Alex’s harsh tone is what makes Justin lose it. People at other tables turn to look at them as Justin laughs uncontrollably. The worst of it, though, is that Alex manages to keep a straight face, shaking his head and sipping his own drink in mock disappointment. 

First > Previous > Next

anonymous asked:

So imagine some fanficish shinanigans happen and the Scout that had just began drawing God n' Gabe comics on the internet gets mysteriously transported to present you while you're chilling at a con or something. What happens?

oh god i’d have a word or two but i wouldn’t be surprised

Anonymous said:

Are you my real dad?

well i certainly am now

leina does a thing; masterlist/guide to playing japanese charactersayo….. so in light of the recent discussions in the rpc i decided to infiltrate the comm with more poc!!! yas! oh and also since i hit 800 today, this is a thing i did for that so… go me!!! anyway i decided it would be a good idea to make a sort of…. thing for ppl interested in playing japanese characters a little better?? this includes male/female names, last names, some fcs you can play, and my own notes about japanese culture. before u ask, yes i’m half japanese and i do speak u dickstick. :)))) pls enjoy,,,,, どうぞよろしくお願いいたします!<3

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5h3 is coming, they dropped the one thing holding them back. they are grown now, the have voices, creative freedom, THEY’RE WRITING. they compliment eachother well. no one stands out from the other unless they’re supposed to, GUYS THEIR VOICES ARE FINALLYH GONNA BLEND IN HARMONY, NOTHING IS GONNA SOUND OUT OF PLACE. THEIR CHOREO IS ABOUT TO BE TIGHT AS SHIT (ally can dance when she really wants to, it was voldecabello holding their routines down, fight me) be still my beating heart. THE SOLO DISTRIBUTION CAN BE EVEN NOW OH MY GOD ALL MY BABIES CAN SHINE INSTEAD OF A ONE WOMAN SHOW. I feel like we bout to get survior realness from 5H AND I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO READY

shit my friends said volume who even cares

because group chats are always a gold mine
possible n.s.f.w. themes, feel free to adjust as necessary

“I think she’s possessed.”
“They’re like chicken bones.”
“No nails can even bend like that. …Oh wait, those aren’t bent.”
“You’re a meme I swear.”
“This vid is big mood right now.”
“Buffalo Wild Wings is getting a little too wild.”
“Where him head at?”
“He’s gonna pull some fuck shit, I know it.”
“I totally don’t berate my friends on snapchat, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“She didn’t do anything but I’m so proud of her.”
“God I wish I had his self confidence.”
“Why does every Progressive commercial suck.”
“Maybe the real father is the friends we made along the way.”
“Raptor hands is a good feel thing.”
“I love and support Shia Labeouf with my entire heart and soul.”
“Do that again and I’ll punch you in the face, it’s too early for this bullshit.”
“Y’know, if he actually notices me tweet, I might cry.”
“Is my humor really that bad?”
“If _____ had a chance, you definitely do.”
“I can’t believe my truck is a pothead.”
“What was I talking about? I was thinking too hard on the three piece mcfuck joke.”
“Noodles are made of noodle, rices are made of rice.”
“You don’t know meme, only the Lord knows meme.”
“Oh my god, jerk off in a closet.”
“Bitch, I’m a dude with tiddies.”
“I’m a proud meme. A local meme. A folk meme.”
“Fresh from _____, numbers are trashy.”
“’Is it a boy or a girl?’ 22 chicken nuggets.”
“Can I throw up or poop please.”
“Doors are heavier on the inside.”
“_____ is perpetually lit.”

Exo’s reactions to you having a sex chamber in your basement

Lay: “Da shit? Is she for real? Don’t tell me you’re for real”

Luhan: “Oh god… this is gonna hurt…”

“EH?! I can be the dominant one?!”

Kai: “Ehh why has she got so many dog leads? She doesn’t even have a dog…”


Chanyeol: “Fuck yeahhh, my girl’s a freak!”


D.O: “Act natural Kyungsoo, do not show your fear. Just be happy for her hobbies…”

Chen: “Heh heh lalalalalalala”


Sehun: *gif explains it all*

Xiumin: “I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready!”

Suho- “Oh god..oh GOD….OH GOD!”

Baekhyun- “Don’t tell me them beads are what I think they are.”

Kris- *walks away*

RvB: Misquoted

Taken from this lovely post.

“I’m not kidding,” Tucker said the morning of, and Church kept laughing. “Hey, asshole! I’m not kidding.”

“Tucker, that’s the most melo-fucking-dramatic thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who asked for reassignments.”

“Five years of dealing with you assholes, hell yeah I asked for reassignments.”

“Fuck you, Church. I don’t even care. My ass gets on that plane and I forget you, and this shitty box canyon, and this shitty sham of an army.”

Church clapped him on the shoulder, a grin in his voice, and said, “yeah. You’re welcome, buddy.”

“Goodbye,” South said, quiet. North’s head was in her lap, their weapons discarded behind a stone somewhere. She knew this was over. She had made sure of it. Some part of her wondered if she should take off the helmet and make sure his eyes were closed.

Her secure channel kicked into life, the voice of Recovery Command. “Recovery One is on his way to you.”

She took her hands off the latches. “Copy that. I’m ready.”

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  • Me before reading empire of storms: Ah hell yeah! Look at that cover, she looks so badass! And holy fuck shit's gonna get REAL
  • Me halfway through book: I'd like some more of this 'dream team' shit going on, please and thank you very much, and is that some lovely smut there? YES IT IS THIS IS SO LOVELY AND OH MY GOD I LOVE EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENING HERE SLAY MY QUEENS AND KINGS SLAYYY
  • Me getting closer to the end of the book: wat, wat is going on, slightly concerned here, but wait nah they all can handle it
  • Me after reading eos: ....
  • Me: I want to die
  • Me: sarah j maas we are your dedicated children how could you do this to us, everything I thought I knew was a lie
  • Me now crying in a dark corner: I wasn't ready for that shit man

So a cleric has basically taken in this young rogue (like 12) and they’re traveling together. He’s got her on his shoulders and as they chat idly about what supplies they need, a guard approaches them, talking to the rogue. He looks at the cleric suspiciously- after all, the cleric looks 30, she looks 12, and they have no similar features.

Guard: “Hello there. Is this your brother?”
Young rogue: “Nope!”
Guard: “Father?”
Rogue: “Nope.”
Guard: “…husband?”
Rogue: “Gods no, he’s twice my age, at least.”
Guard: “Then why are you traveling with him? Are you okay, miss?”
Rogue: “Oh, no, I’m totally not okay whatsoever. He totally has manipulated my mind or some shit and just decided carrying me around on his shoulders as if he’s my guardian or something would trick the low-IQ guards. I’m totally not up here of my own volition and you definitely are right to be suspicious of him. I bet he’s not even a real cleric, what, with all of those symbols of the law God on him. And that prayer book. And the mace. Must be a fake.”
Guard: “I think we’re gonna need backup.”
Cleric: “You’re going to get me arrested again.”
Rogue: “…sorry. I forgot that guards weren’t good with sarcasm.”