oh my god moffat

Why Johnlock and Destiel aren’t canon.. ( yet)

“ In other news! The internet has been broken! Not only has the two biggest “ships” in history finally share a kiss and more, but it’s canon! Global warming is solved, kids in Africa are all fed, and more good things! all because Johnlock and Destiel are can-”

Kripke: * screams,covered in sweat and wakes up, then picks up his phone and dials a number*

Moffat: *picks up the phone* “Hello?”

Kripke: “ Moffat!! Oh my god I-”

Moffat: * sighs and rubs his temples * “You had the same nightmare again, didn’t you?”

Kripke:*nods and sighs* “Yes.”

Moffat: “ Alright, well how about this to cheer you up. Want to write another episode with me, or for one of the others shows? We can do are beloved thing and use subtext, intense eye staring from each of our two, male, characters, to show how they are not gay for each other. To make it even worse we will make them say how “ not” gay they are! Then right after, show them eye fucking and more!  I know how much you love messing with the fans like me! Sound good?”

Kripke: “Yes, Moffat.”

Moffat:” Good, because you should see what I could have done with season 4 of Sherlock! Ha!”

Kripke” Ha!! Wait till you see what I have for season 12.”

Compilation of Adlock Quotes

(2011-2017) An updated edition of the Reference Handbook for Adlockers ☺

PART I. BELGRAVIA

In the end, are you really so obvious? Because this was textbook. The promise of love, the pain of loss, the joy of redemption. Then give him a puzzle, and watch him dance. (Mycroft Holmes, 2012)

He’s writing sad music. Doesn’t eat. Barely talks – only to correct the television. I’d say he was heartbroken. (John Watson, 2012)

In the time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him take the slightest interest in a woman but this one… She’s got to him. […] Irene Adler. She’s gone and he won’t dare admit it but he’s devastated. He can’t show it and I don’t think he understands what he’s feeling. […] Maybe his experiences with Irene Adler, had humanised him? (Dr John Watson’s Blog, 2012)

Watson thinks it’d be healthier for Sherlock to have a relationship with a human being, as opposed to a book or theory. But Holmes falls in love with someone who’s as insane as him. (Martin Freeman, 2011)

Holmes faces one of his deadliest enemies in the shape of love, and it comes in the form of Irene Adler, who’s this extraordinary dominatrix, this incredibly daring professional woman who’s utterly independent, fiercely smart, and very resourceful. (Benedict Cumberbatch, 2012)

It falls in the vein of you know, classical English romances in a way: the repression of emotion, the idea that it’s there but it’s not. It doesn’t have to be spoken. (Benedict Cumberbatch, 2011)

What is painfully romantic – like in all the best love stories – is what’s left unspoken. Is there a sexual element to it? Without a doubt there is. But as you see it’s a game of chess, and it’s a very cruel, cruel game of love. (Benedict Cumberbatch, 2012)

Love gets in the way for him. Passion, attraction, it just causes him to malfunction. (Steven Moffat, 2012)

Sherlock Holmes, again, must have sexual impulses because human beings tend to – most human beings, not absolutely all, but that’s the majority. The fact is, he decides to put all that in an iron box to make his brain work better. Of course, the fact that that iron box bounces around and shakes and bangs from the inside is what makes the story interesting. He wants to rise above us like a snow-capped mountain, but he’s actually a volcano, and that’s where the story is. That’s where the story is. You know, you shove Irene Adler in front of him, and he just falls apart like most men would. (Steven Moffat, 2014)

I think Sherlock is infatuated to the point that he can barely function around Irene Adler. And Irene Adler isn’t initially fascinated by him and then falls for him completely, thinks, ‘There’s another person in the world as damaged as I am, how brilliant.’ (Steven Moffat, 2012)

And basically, it was so that Benedict could take her along with him and they share this – I guess it’s a part of the – kind of the love story, if you like. (Paul McGuigan, 2012)

I think it’s interesting from the performances, particularly in the ‘Woman’ episode, that there’s a sense – listening to Mrs. Hudson’s reaction and to John’s reaction – that the piece for Irene is sort of more romantic probably than they’ve heard Sherlock play before, which is why they all sort of go, ‘Ooh ah. You’re writing a piece for her.’ (Michael Price, 2014)

30 minutes of a case, with the rest of it being Sherlock grappling with a teenage crush. (Steven Moffat, 2016)

They’re clearly absolutely made for each other. (Mark Gatiss, 2012)

He suddenly meets someone who fascinates him. Holmes and Adler have an intellectual attraction. He doesn’t understand it. It’s like falling in love, but he doesn’t know what it is. (Mark Gatiss, 2014)

It’s just a label, isn’t it? Because, at the end of the day, I think she had feelings for Sherlock. So then people say, ‘Well, so she’s obviously not gay. She must be bisexual.’ But actually, let’s not label this. Let’s just know that human beings fall for other human beings. (Lara Pulver, 2012)

He’s highly intelligent and highly analytical to mask a certain aspect of his personality.  But, they see each other for who they really are. It’s a constant game.  It’s like the best game of tennis that you could ever wish for, with two characters. (Lara Pulver, 2012)

I do love that the only moment he verbally stumbles, and I sort of did it deliberately, was because he sensed a bit of competition in Watson starting to turn on the charm. And in trying desperately to get in there to impress her he went buhbuhbuhbuh and it’s very funny. (Benedict Cumberbatch, 2012)

I think he just shuts down for a moment, doesn’t he? Says, ‘I’m trying to process this, I have no response, oh my God, where’s all the blood gone from my brain?’ (Steven Moffat, 2012)

He’s always going to love thinking about this. That amazing woman. (Steven Moffat, 2012)

PART II. KARACHI

[Q: So Irene then. Did Sherlock truly love her? Or was she merely the catalyst for him discovering his heart and/or emotions?] Oh what does it MEAN when a boy hacks up terrorists for you with a great big sword? She’s one of the few people on Earth he cares about, whatever that means in his case. Fascinated by her. Thrilled by her. And for a moment, when he saw her, he thought maybe, just maybe, there’s somebody else like me. What else is going on, the great man has not confided in his biographers. (Steven Moffat, 2012)

And as for Irene Adler? Well you say he was beaten by her. But do you know what they got up to in Islamabad, because I do. There was no beating. It was all very loving. (Benedict Cumberbatch, 2012)

They had a night. Irene Adler and Sherlock had a night. I’m absolutely certain of that. Deal with me. (Benedict Cumberbatch, 2015)

He shagged Irene Adler. They definitely got it on that night they had together when he rescued her from a beheading. (Benedict Cumberbatch, 2014)

Yeah I think they were definitely at it after he rescued her from the beheading in Pakistan. I’m sure they were. I’m convinced of that. I think he’s been burnt in the past. I think he also realises he can’t beat female intuition. He can read women if he’s not attracted to them or involved with them, and he knows that he’ll get very confused if he’s starting to feel something for someone. So to embroil himself where he might be enslaved through adoration or sexual desire or any kind of power or chemistry to do with love is too big a risk for him, for what he wants to achieve. That doesn’t make him gay, and it doesn’t make him asexual; it means, you know, he’s purposely abstaining for the sake of his craft. Not something I do. (Benedict Cumberbatch, 2014)

PART III. THEREAFTER

Oh the posh boy loves the dominatrix, he’s never knowingly under-clichéd, is he? (John Watson via Mary Watson, 2017)

She’s out there, she likes you, and she’s alive! And do you have the first idea how lucky you are?! Yes she’s a lunatic, she’s a criminal, she’s insanely dangerous. Trust you to fall for a sociopath!  (John Watson, 2017)

People text. Even I text. Her, I mean. Woman. Bad idea. Try not to, but you know, sometimes.. (Sherlock Holmes, 2017)

He has moved from being someone who was sociopathic, work-obsessed and slightly amoral, into being someone who has a certain degree of a private life, which is very, very private, with The Woman, or Irene Adler. (Benedict Cumberbatch, 2016)

He has The Woman in his life. Irene Adler is always his touchstone, I guess. If anything who would claim him, it would be her. (Amanda Abbington, 2014)

And if you paid attention you’d have known they’ve remained slightly in touch because there’s a rose – when he’s injured – there’s a single rose in the room. If you think about it, he saves her life, they must have escaped together, obviously there’s some form of contact. (Steven Moffat, 2017)

If Sherlock was normal he would settle down with Irene, buy a house and a Volvo. (Steven Moffat, 2016)

Maybe every second Wednesday of every month, she sends Sherlock a cryptic clue and they meet in a hotel. […] They both smile once a day when they think about each other. (Steven Moffat, 2015)


Please do let me know of any errors and/or major omissions!

♡ from a loyal crew member

*Editing to add (thank you, @problematiqueroyale!) the conversation between Mind Palace Holmes and Watson in The Abominable Bride, 2016: That watch that you’re wearing, there’s a photograph inside it. I glimpsed it once. I believe it is of Irene Adler. You didn’t glimpse it, you waited till I’d fallen asleep and looked at it. Yes, I did. You seriously thought I wouldn’t notice? Irene Adler. Formidable opponent, a remarkable adventure. A very nice photograph. Why are you talking like this? Why are you so determined to be alone?

[BREATHES HEAVILY] RIVER SONG

[BREAKS DOWN TARDIS DOOR] RIVER SONG

[SETS THE CONSOLE ON FIRE] RIVER SONG

[SCREAMS AND JUMPS OUT OF A WINDOW] R I V E R  S O N G

[REGENERATES] river song

So, I was at lunch with a friend and his sister after seeing ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’, catching up on stuff and talk turned to the new series of Doctor Who - our expectations, Peter Capaldi, Jenna possibly leaving, the Matt Smith era - and his sister suddenly raises an interesting point.

“Isn’t the Matt Smith era kind of similar to Twilight?”

This caused both my friend and I to pause, and look at each other with a similar expression of puzzlement.

“Yeah - I mean the storyline is very similar,” she continued “The main female character has to choose between two men from different races, makes her choice and has baby. Baby grows up abnormally fast, and ends up marrying the other man.”

Despite how this theory glosses over some of the plot, it still kind of stunned me as I realisation slowly dawned on me.

I had watched a sci-fi variant of Twilight.

OH MY GOD THIS EPISODE

I WAS HAVING REAL FUN UP UNTIL RIVER HAD THAT SLOW MOTION MOMENT WHILE CRASHING THEN RIGHT THERE I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO MENTION DARILLIUM.

AND THE EASTER EGGS!!!! THE DOORSTEP, HAIRCUT AND SUIT LINE!!!!!!!!!! THE SCREWDRIVER!!!!!

Then I rewatched River back in season 4 and I realized that ELEVEN WAS NOT HER DOCTOR. SHE SPENT 24 EARTH YEARS WITH TWELVE!!!!! THAT’S WHY SHE SAID THAT TEN LOOKED SO YOUNG!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD MOFFAT. YOU OUT-MOFFATTED YOURSELF.

Benedict on Sherlock, NPR
Benedict on Sherlock, NPR

Steven Moffat….oh fucking christ.  Tell me you are not so … oh my god.  I now appreciate the anti-moffat movement so much more.  Can’t he just be good?!?!  No flaws?!?!  Have you written a thing in your life? Have you never spoken to an actor before?!  Our jobs are hard. When someone comes for a backstory and look for a flaw, it’s with purpose and it’s not easy.  Being an actor isn’t easy.  Being a character isn’t easy.  Being human isn’t easy.  Just….  And holy christ.  How did Martin put up with him?