oh my god im dead and you killed me

Les Misérables
  • Valjean: i stole fucking bread
  • Javert: five years
  • Valjean: i tried to check on my family you piece of shit
  • Javert: fourteen more
  • Valjean: im free
  • Javert: technically,,,, you're not,,,,, but ok,,,,
  • Bishop: hey u look like ur having trouble come over at my place
  • Valjean: fuck it
  • Valjean: *steals*
  • Javert: ffs you wouldn't be in jail if-
  • Bishop: no it's cool i gave him that shit
  • Javert: oh.
  • 20 years later or smth
  • Valjean: aye im mayor now
  • Fantine: i have a daughter you inconsiderate imbeciles
  • Fantine's boss and coworkers: fuck you
  • Fantine: i don't want to do this
  • Valjean: u don't have to
  • Valjean: hey kid u want some candy
  • Cosette: fuck yea
  • Thénardiers: you want her? go have her
  • 20 more years later i think
  • Éponine: i lowkey love you
  • Marius: im oblivious as shit. ooOO a HOT girl
  • Cosette: ooOO a HOT guy
  • Marius: hey, take me to her
  • Éponine: ok
  • Éponine: (kill me)
  • Enjolras: REVOLUTION
  • Grantaire: you're gonna get us killed, moron
  • Grantaire: (but you're my moron)
  • Les Amis de'lABC: we died.
  • Éponine: me too
  • Valjean: mY FUTURE SON IN LAW IS DEAD
  • Javert: sTOP R I G H T THERE
  • Valjean: *gives Javert guilt trip*
  • Javert: oh
  • Javert: oh shit
  • Javert: *kills himself*
  • A year later I think
  • Marius: all my friends are dead
  • Cosette: i love you
  • Marius: love u too
  • Valjean: im dying
  • Cosette: please,,,, god,,,, no,,,, enough people have DIED already
  • Fantine: hey old pal. ur awesome
  • Éponine: u protected my crush. ur awesome
  • Bishop: ur awesome
  • Everyone: we're all awesome!!
2

@stubbornessissues she blew up a gas station and now she’s gonna get starbucks

[click for better quality!]

I really feel bad, when I'm with friends, I'll go open mic and sometimes people will join the group and they'll be subjected to:

-“oh my god TIRETIRETIRETIRE-IT BLEW ME UP" 

 -“MEI BUNJO'ED, MEI BUNJO'ED, MEI DAY MEI DAI GET OUT OF HERE" 

 -"PLeAse I’m ALonE On the PoiNt I’m alone on the point I’m so alone I’m gonna DIE-I’m dead" 

 -"PLEASE COME TO THE LEDGE THEYRE GOING TO KILL ME I” (as a mercy who needs a get away) 

 -“please…do damage” (me as a mercy trying to pocket someone

-“HE FELL OFF THE MAP THAT LOSER”

 -“boop" 

 -"that bastard is following me, 1v1 me, bitch" 

 -"gold damage, whattup" 

 -"widowmaker up top widowmaker- ACK" 

 -*constant swearing 

 -"HANZO DICK INCOMING" 

 -"DVA ULTED TAKE COVER TAKE COVER”

 -“there’s a bastion up there, let’s wombo combo on his face" 

 -"is that a turr-IT’S BASTION" 

 -"beware the microwave she approacheth" 

 -*me absentmindedly imitating a voice line, usually "apagando las luces" 

 -*me arguing with my brother who’s a dick and doesn’t give a shit about chattering into strangers’ ears 

 -"wtf she ate it" 

 -"WASTED ULT, im sorry”

 -“DEAL WITH THE PHARAH SHES SHOOTING ROCKETS AT MY FACE" 

 -*as Junkrat "I’m gonna suicide bomb this Reinhardt" 

 -*as lucio "can’t catch me can’t catch me, guys I’m contesting get here asap and I’m dead, great" 

 -"oh my god I fucking SAW that, holy shit" 

 -"THAT SNIPER IS CARRYINGGG did you see that, she shot me right in the face" 

 -"what…what are you doing” *insert laughter as I wait to respawn

-”how did Dva kill me through a WALL?” 

-”HACKS! HACKS!”

-”this game is BROKEN”

-”jesuschrist”

-” J E S U S  C H R I S T” 

minigranger  asked:

Ok I'm back, (only because I loved my first one so much) could you please do one where your husband Ryan or Jeremy (preferably Ryan) is stuck in the office later than usual and you get worried and it turns out he's just stuck playing a game really late (like UNO the movie)

Welcome back! (:< I’m so glad you’re enjoying the writing! And I couldn’t get this prompt out of my head! As soon as I saw it I had to complete it! Hope you like it love! xoxo - rayann

A/N: Please excuse the title its my terrible attempt at a pun that made me laugh for 8 minutes straight thank you

Title: U-NO!

Pairing: Ryan x Reader

Word Count: 1,600+

TW: none!

masterlist


You checked your watch for what had felt like the millionth time that night. It was 6 PM, and Ryan still wasn’t home. To be fair, sometimes recordings ran a little late but he would usually shoot you a text to let you know he wouldn’t be home until later, so of course your brain immediately started sifting through the worst scenarios possible.

And anyways, he was supposed to come home early tonight to help you finish unpacking the boxes you’d been struggling to organize all day. You sent him one last, ‘where the fuck are you’ text, before taking a breath, and deciding to resume the work you’d been doing all day.

Another half hour had passed and you had resorted to grumbling to yourself about his whereabouts, now more irritated than anxious.

“I swear to god if this fucker is hiding in that office so he doesn’t have to help me I’m going to repack everything in this house and make him do it again.”

Keep reading

Shit my friends and I said during D&D - an ask meme

“YOU SET MY CORPSE ON FIRE TWICE!”

“Please turn off the lights”

“I loot the corpses”

“how many funeral pyres can you make?”

“You can’t have a viking funeral while nude”

"hey don’t leave my corpse, take me to hell with you”

“Where do I fit my triceratops on this bike”

“is there water for me to jump and hide in”

“I stick my leggy up high”

“Can I dab with satan?”

“May I roll to shoot you”

“thank fuck, im dead”

“Tits or ass”

“I don’t think these disguises are going to do much when you’re still a giant wolf but let’s try anyways”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD”

“You take one fire damage for trying to take the bonfire with you, what the fuck”

“We tie her up….NO DON’T YOU DARE MAKE A KINKY JOKE” “FUCK”

“Wait no tell me the kinky joke”

“I’m the cultist’s pet dog”

“What else do you wanna do on your turn” “I’ll flip em the bird”

“You can’t, your hands are bound. Thank god”

“I just killed 5 people with gay”

“Oh my god, just shoot him in the neck”

“You have all won a trip to the premiere of the English edition of Fate/Stay Night’s VN”

“UNTIE ME SO I CAN SHOOT HIM WITH THE SHOTGUN”

“I’m going to haunt the nearest mcdonalds”

“Can I dab on the bus”

“What if I tape their corpses back together with ducktape?” “You are no longer our medic.”

“I stick the corpses in my shopping cart and run away”

“I’m going to give the trashcan a viking funeral.”

“I keep getting burnt cuz i’m too hot”

r-u-smarter-then-a-5th-grader  asked:

OH MY GOD YOUR COMICS ARE SO FUNNY IM DEAD AND HONESTLY THE VIDEOS KILLED ME EVEN MORE I LOVE THE SPAGHETTI ONE WITH BROKUTO LOL IM ACTUALLY SOBBIGN THANK YOU FOR THESE MASTER PIECES!!

IM GLAD YOU LIKE EM FRIENDO!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE KID MESSAGE!!! :’DDD

to be honest the aftermath of that spaghetti incident remains a mystery to this day:

breaking the signs stereotypes

don’t take this too literally, you know what I mean

aries expectative: WHAT THE FUCK IM GONNA FIGHT YOU BITCH YOURE DEAD *kills someone*
aries reality: how many orion rings can I eat within an hour

taurus expectative: I JUST ATE MY ENTIRE KITCHEN NOW IM GOING TO SLEEP 57 HOURS I CAN DO IT HOW ABOUT YES YES
taurus reality: idk man I just want to listen to britney spears

gemini expectative: HEY HEY LOOK AT ME I NEVER SHUT UP HEY TALKTALKTALKTALK
gemini reality: je ne speak pas francés obrigado you

cancer expectative: THEY CALL ME CRYYYY BABY CRYYYYY BABY
cancer reality: why tf is my zodiac sign called like that

leo expectative: OH GOD I AM SO BEAUTIFUL OH MY EVERYONE LOVES ME IM THE BEST
leo reality: *pushes door instead of pulling it*

virgo expectative: WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IS SO MESSED UP
WHY ARENT YOUR BOOKS SORTED ALPHABETICALLY
virgo reality: *uses french fries as fangs* look hehe im a walrus

libra expectative: I CANT DECIDE BETWEEN MY RED LIPSTICK OR MY PINK GLOSS OH MY GOD WHY IS LIFE SO HARD
libra reality: i want to pee

scorpio expectative: IM GONNA KILL EVERYONE BLOOD KNIVES DEATH STAY AWAY GO AWAY *plays ouija*
scorpio reality: *wears fuzzy socks* *owns 57 pairs of crocs*

sagittarius expectative: BITCHES IM FULL WITH SWAG SWAGITTARIUS BITCHES BITCHES YASSS
sagittarius reality: *has an entire family of cats through their house and some chicken soup from 2 weeks ago on their fridge* yasss the sweet life man

capricorn expectative: IM SMARTER THAN ALL OF YOU BITCHES IM SO MEAN HAHAHA I HAVE NO FEELINGS
capricorn reality: what the fuck is guatemala

aquarius expectative: I HAVE NO FEELINGS NEITHER IM THE TOTAL ALIEN GOD
aquarius reality: *fades into bed* aww man I just love spongebob so much

pisces expectative: DREAMY DREAMY FISHY FISHY
pisces: *gets high off gummy bears*

oh dude we’re all so lame
3

Last entry of Cisco week. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and i’m sorry I got so behind.

“As progress Lisa?” I said into my ear piece, and i strolled casually down the street. My electrically charge whip strapped into the inside of my long coat, I made my way to the Snart siblings position at the bank. 

“Are you sure you are ready for another heist (Y/N)? You got shot last time.” Lisa responded, worry lacing her words. Last time we had a major heist like this, I was cornered and shot by the police multiple times before Len came to the rescue.

“I promise I’ll be fine Lisa. My whip is a lot better improved now, thanks to my tinkering, and I think we have this heist in the bag.” I grinned out, making my way to the back door of the bank.

“Good luck girl.”

“Same to you Lisa.” And with that, I pulled my whip out, and flipping its switch. The cord of the whip lit up in spark, bright and loud. With a smirk, I cracked the whip against the keypad that kept the door locked, and it instantly opened. I sneaked inside, turning off my whip, and sneaking through the halls. I saw Lisa, Len, and Mick walk through the front door and pull out there guns. 

I turned on my whip and crack it in the air, which caused the lights inside the bank to flicker, catching everyone’s attention. 

“LISTEN UP!” Len shouted, then going on this long rant about giving us all the money and no one would get hurt, which was an obvious lie. 

“I would have thought you all would stop Captain Cold.” A vibrating voice spoke. Behind the group was the one, the only, the Flash. I jumped the counter of the bank, racing to stand next to the Rouges. 

“So, this is the Flash. Hah! Len was right, you are the least intimidating person I’ve ever met.” I laughed out, swinging my whip, allowing it to slide and crack across the floor.

“Who are you?” The Flash asked, stepping closer to me, which cause Len and Mick to pull out there guns. 

Lisa stiffened, keeping a close eye on the Flash as well.

“The names Galiax.” I smirked out cracking my whip inches away from the Flash’s face. He tried to zoom forward and grab me, but I already had my whip around his neck, electricity flowing through his body. He collapsed to the floor, trying to stand.

“I. Am the Queen of Speed.” I snarled in his face, before turning to the rouges and motioning for them to go and get as much money as possible. That small action distracted me though, as within seconds, the Flash had me in a choke hold, and out of the bank.

Next thing I knew, I was standing in the middle of this room, three other people standing there. I immediately gripped my whip and brought it around the Flash’s leg, and yanking forward, bringing him to the ground.

“WOAH! Calm down!” A male voice said behind me. I turned my head to say something snarky back to the man behind me, but as soon as I laid eyes on him, I froze.

“Cisco..” I whispered out, wide eyed. Around his wrist was a black bracelet, identical to mine, with the words forever engraved in gold across. it.

His eyes widened as I said his name, and I couldn’t help but cry. I dropped my whip and ran to Cisco, crushing him in a hug, him doing the same. 

“(Y/N) oh my god, I thought you were dead. When did you come back?” Cisco said, continuing to hold me. 

“A few years ago, I couldn’t get enough money to pay for my apartment, so, I met with Leonard Snart, they took me into there group.” I said, looking up at Cisco.

“You’re a criminal?” Cisco said wide eyed.

“And Im pretty good at it.” I mumbled, looking down. 

“You guys have to let me go. Leonard treats me like he treats his sister, he will kill all of you if I don’t go back.” I said, quickly grabbing my whip.

“No! You’re a criminal!” The Flash said, glaring down at me. 

“Would you rather I go to jail and all of you die, or you let me go and my group lets you live?” I asked, glaring back up at him.

“Fine. But next time, I will take you in.” The Flash growled, stepping away.

I smirked, rolling up my whip, and putting it in my jacket, before turning to Cisco. 

“Alright childhood best friend, when are we gonna meet up.” I said, confidence dripping off my tongue like honey. He blushed at my words, before smirking over at me.

“How about next Friday at jitters?” Cisco smiled, crossing his arms.

“Sounds good. Good day Skywalker.” I said, waving my hand as I walked out.

“Good day princess.” 

anonymous asked:

would evan and connor like.. hook up in the stacks

oh my god

no i dont think they would cause its connors place of work and thats…kind of weird

just know that this ask killed me, because the other day my lgbt studies professor was talking about when/where he was growing up, if you were gay, libraries were the place to go hook up. to quote him “we didnt have grindr”

Warriors: Into the Wild in a nutshell
  • StarClan: Only fire can save the clan.
  • Spottedleaf: So I should drop my mixtape?
  • Bluestar: No, we need someone else's mixtape...
  • Rusty: cool im hunting
  • Rusty: aw just a dream
  • Smudge: yo rusty sup
  • Rusty: im going to the forest
  • Smudge: plz dont
  • Rusty: fuck you smudge im fucking going
  • Smudge: ...bitch
  • Rusty: the fuck u say
  • Rusty: whoa who there
  • Graypaw: AMBUSH
  • Graypaw: ow
  • Graypaw: you win
  • Bluestar: i see you still have a penis
  • Lionheart: bluestar no
  • Bluestar: bLUESTAR YES
  • Bluestar: wanna join the clan
  • Rusty: fo' shizzle
  • Smudge: hoe dont do it
  • Rusty: fuck u smudge
  • Smudge: oh my god
  • Rusty: chill brah my owners can get a new cat
  • Smudge: it wont be the same
  • Rusty: yes it will stop being a little bitch
  • Rusty: whoa guys slow down
  • Bluestar: hey nerds we got a new nerd
  • Longtail: fuckin kittypet
  • Rusty: what the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little bitch
  • Bluestar: rusty your name is now firepaw
  • StarClan: could you be any more obvious
  • Bluestar: ..,
  • Ravenpaw: redtail ded *faints*
  • Tigerclaw: get up u lazy bastard
  • Bluestar: i cri evertim
  • Bluestar: my new deputy is
  • Tigerclaw: pick me u lil bitch
  • Bluestar: lionheart
  • Tigerclaw: well fuck
  • Graypaw: get up nerd training starts
  • Firepaw: k
  • Tigerclaw: so heres our borders
  • Firepaw: nice
  • Sandpaw: i aint sleeping with that kittypet
  • Whitefur: shut the fuck up sandpaw stop being fucking racist
  • Sandpaw: lol k
  • Firepaw: catching some food lol
  • Yellowfang: fight me irl scrub
  • Firepaw: u wot m8
  • Firepaw: rip in pepperoni m90
  • Firepaw: have some rabbit
  • Yellowfang: lol thx noob
  • Tigerclaw: what the fuck firepaw
  • Firepaw: shes nice
  • Bluestar: youre my apprentice now
  • Firepaw: yay
  • Bluestar: also u have to help yellowfang
  • Firepaw: shit
  • Firepaw: get ur kittypet ass out of here
  • Smudge: help me
  • Firepaw: shit sorry didnt know it was you
  • Firepaw: wheres your dick
  • Smudge: who cares lol
  • Tigerclaw: what the fuck
  • Bluestar: what the fuck
  • Brokenstar: give me ur hunting grounds nerds
  • RiverClan: sure
  • Bluestar: maybe
  • Bluestar: i need to speak to starclan
  • ThinderClan: lol k
  • Barley: yo there are dogs
  • Rats: *eat everyone*
  • Tigerclaw: fuck u barley
  • ShadowClan: lol were attacking
  • Lionheart: im ded
  • Bluestar: my new deputy is...
  • Firepaw: hoe dont do it
  • Bluestar: tigerclaw
  • Firepaw: oh my god
  • Ravenpaw: so tigerclaw kinda killed redtail
  • Tigerclaw: ravenpaws a traitor
  • Ravenpaw: ill stay with barley
  • Firepaw: ravenpaws dead
  • ThunderClan: lol
  • ThunderClan: shit yellowfang stole the children
  • Yellowfang: lets get back the children
  • ThunderClan: lol k
  • ThunderClan: lol we beat shadowclan yay
  • Fireheart: tigerclaw u fukin traitor

What she says: I’m fine

What she means: OH MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN LOTTO IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER GRACED THE EARTH WITH ITS PRESENCE. YIXING GOT LINES AND FRONT POSITION AND SEHUN HAD A DANCE SOLO AND NOBODY WAS WHITEWASHED AND THE MV WAS JUST SO GOOD™ I WANT TO CRY ALSO BAEKHYUN TO MURDER ME DEAD ALSO KYUNGSOO LOOKED SO SCARY AND NICE AND HOT AND IM SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS I WANT THIS COMEBACK TO CHANGE HUMAN HISTORY AND IT WILL IM JUST SO HAPPY THEY JUST KILLED ME DEAD MY CROPS ARE THRIVING

what just happened

movie: the maze runner
character: newt/reader x reader/newt
rating: comical, bit fluffy references to smut
plot: a strange device turns up in the glade that swaps bodies over unfortunately two best mates end up swapping bodies and have to try to act like each other till they work out how to get back 

newts pov

the glade was quie like normal now i was putting the tools back in the shed from gardening today when i hear a voice behind me “evening shuck face” the female voice says i know who it is my best friend here Y/N technically she did just insult me but thats what he do and before anyone thinks anything no i don’t like her as more than a friend sort of alright i do its the only girl how can i not “evening klunk brain” i say in reply turning to face her we both then walk of to get some dinner sitting with minho, thomas and chuck just discussing normal stuff till the alarm for the box went of it’s late today we all run over as the box opens there’s not much in it just one small thing in the bottom alby jumps down and gets it its a small metal object looks odd like nothing i’ve ever seen before there’s a note on it that alby reads out “this should mix stuff up a bit, two people alone together in a space then activate” he reads 
“so who’s gonna see what it is” gally asks at my side 
“suggest Y/N she’s good with the weird stuff” i say its true using the window into the maze Y/N analysed the grievers helping us to understand them she was good with weird stuff  
“sure” alby says passing it to her “but on no condition activate it” at that everyone begins to disperse after a while of talking to some of the guys i look around for Y/N but she’s not around she must be in her room with the thing so i bid the guys goodnight and go up to her room in the homestead i don’t bother knocking  as i often don’t and just walk in and sit on the bed she’s working with the thing on her desk looking deep in her work “hey” i say

“hi” she replys not turning or even moving at all

“so what you found out about the thing” i ask 

“nothing” she replied

“what do you mean nothing” i ask

“i have found out nothing” she says turning to face me “this thing is sealed shut i cant open it there’s no clue as to what it is now get out” she says

“why” i ask

“because apparently two people in a room makes this do something i don’t what to activate it by accident with you in here as well newt i don’t have a clue what it will do” she says

“well how do you activate it” i ask

“from what i can tell each person holds a end of it press the button on the top and it does something” she says 

“well why don’t we try” i say

“no you heard alby on no condition are we to activate it” she says

“but if there’s nothing more to do why not try if it messes up we learn if alby asks it went of by accident” i say

after a long time of Y/N obviously thinking “what the hell” she says standing up with the object in her hand we both take one end of it and stand ready to find out what the hell it does she presses the button and i blacked out oh god please don’t say im dead oh Y/N you killed us or maybe not my eyes clear and i stand but everything seems strange different i can’t quiet but my finger on it though i look at my self to see if i have and injuries and what the hell i have tits what the bloody hell i look around the room to see a boy tall blonde laying on the floor passed out he then wakes up and looks at me confused “oh god” he laughs but its Y/N’s voice “im in your body and your in mine brilliant” he/she says

“what the hell thats me” i ask

“yeah newt this is what you look like” im just gonna go with Y/N says

“what then im in you” i ask

“yeah, now get over here and lets get back to our real bodies” Y/N says

we both then get the device and hold it like we had before i press the button and nothing Y/N then pressed the button and nothing “please don’t tell me this is happening”Y/N says

“what, what what’s happening” i ask

“if my assumption is right were stuck like this we can’t change back” Y/N says 

“then what are we gonna do” i ask

“i think we will have to stay like this till i can work out how to get us back” Y/N  says sitting back down on the chair working with the thing again i just sit back on the bed busy admiring this new form running these hands around everywhere to see what this bodys like i cant help but stare at this new chest 

“NEWT”Y/N shouts

“what” i ask

“stop it” Y/N says very annoyed 

“stop what” i ask

“stop staring” Y/N says

“ im not staring im investigating” i reply 

“well cut it out, you’re not gonna have that body for long so just sit quietly and dont touch anything” Y/N says very angry how can i just sit quietly i have time in the body of a girl how can i not be curious i’ve never seen any girl but Y/N   well i probably have i just don’t remember.

“i cant help it Y/N im curious im sure you are” i say to Y/N

“no im not newt, i don’t care about what your body looks like i have to work on getting us back into our right bodys before you get a bit too curious” Y/N  says sighing and yawning obviously tired

“if you want we can go to sleep and work all day tomorrow” i say

“fine but we both have to stay here we can’t risk someone finding out what’s happened” Y/N  said standing up and walking over to be sat on the bed beside me or well her this is confusing 

“so how are we gonna do this” i ask

“i dont know i hope i can fix us tomorrow but if i can we need some rules as we don’t know how long its gonna take” Y/N says

“fine” i answer

“first hands off at all times for both of us no exploring okay

two we need a alibi as to why we will be spending so much time together and sleeping in the same room i suggest we are fake dating” Y/N says well i like that idea 

“fine were fake dating” i say rather happy about it i then move so im leaning against the headboard making a face to try and tell Y/N to join me in bed but Y/N just gets up and lays on the floor whatever this is gonna go well isnt it.

time skip

i was woken up by Y/N in my body a strange thing to wake up to she was shaking me frantically obviously somethings happened “what, did you work out how to get us back” i ask

“no slightly more important problem” Y/N said panicking

“way wow okay slow down that problem” i ask

“i need to bathroom” Y/N says

“so” i ask a tad confused as to the problem 

“do you need reminding newt im in your body your in mine” Y/N says 

“no i know that what’s the problem okay sure you need to bathroom so go” i say

“newt, think about what the problem may be” Y/N says

“no explain” i say

“one: the bathroom is a load of guys with there junk out a place i have made a promise never to enter okay

secondly: i can’t use the bathroom i dont know how to” Y/N says 

“what do you mean you don’t know how to” i laugh

“i don’t know how to use the bathroom with this thing” Y/N says “it’s weird”

“hey you said hands of no exploring” i say a bit concerned of she’s seen it

“yes but i need the bathroom newt how do you guys do it” Y/N asks

“im not explaining” i say

Y/N pov

“im not explaining it” newt says

“why not” i ask

“because you shouldn’t have looked at it Y/N i didn’t look at any of your stuff last night did i” newt says

“no you had a very look look and a feel around didn’t you” i say

“i did not” newt says sounding in pain 

“what’s wrong now” i ask 

“i dont know just a lot of sudden pains” newt says putting his hand on the bottom of my stomach oh no if its what i think it is im not changing back yet a while if its what i think it is and by the date i would guess it is my period brilliant if newts getting it not me now i want to see him tell me im over reacting like he always does now he can see what i have to go though “is it like a sharp pain like someone stabbing you with lots of knives” i ask

“yeah” newt answers laying on the bed girping my stomach  

“okay i have a theory, drop your pants” i say

“WHAT” he says very alarmed

“newt its my body drop them” i say again

“why” he asks

“because i wont know the answer till you drop your pants” i say “but keep your eyes shut i don’t what you looking newt” i say 

“fine” he sighs before undoing the pants i always wear and shutting his eyes okay i know just from the state of my knickers i know yep i started this morning okay even if i fix the device im waiting till after this week so he gets to know what it feels like i then put the pants back properly “yep as i suspected” i say smirking

“what’s wrong with me or well you” he asks

“my body is on a period newt you have to deal with it because you always say i over dramatise it so you deal with it now” i laugh 

“oh god does it hurt this much every time” he complains

“yep plus your gonna be bleeding and mood swings and cravings al that good stuff” i laugh happy its not me

“what am i met to do Y/N “ he asks

“well you need pain killers, tampons and bed” i say

“right what the hell is a tampon” he asks very confused  i then walk over to a draw in my room and get on out and throw it at him i can tell by the look on my face he has no clue “you stick that up your well my downstairs and blood doesn’t go everywhere” i say

“ah” he says dropping it out of disgust

“or you can but a special sort of towel in your knickers” i say

“option two” he says 

well this is gonna be a fun few days isnt it i just hope i can fix this thing and get back to my body and i still need the bathroom i dont know how im gonna get around having to see it oh god im gonna have to see newts,,,,thing  

oh great.

anonymous asked:

oh my god im so emotional i love your writings so much. thank you for being so amasing off limits actually killed me dead. i never want that fic to end :( its too good

i never want it to end either :( i’m so sad…..,,,, but also planning other seokjin series in my mind haha. thank you for reading 💘

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.

GUYS. UNIVERSAL PUT THIS ON INSTAGRAM. HOLY FUCK. HOLY FUCK. KILL ME IM DEAD. WAIT. HOW’D YOU KILL ME IF IM DEAD. NEVER MIND. HOLY SHIT.

BECHLOE BECHLOE BECHLOE BECHLOE

Ladies and gentlemen. We may have just witnessed film history right here, right now. If Bechloe becomes Canon, who knows where the future of film will end up… I am legit crying…… This also makes me extremely worried. They know how much Bechloe means to us. Universal is what stood in Kay Cannon’s way for making Bechloe canon in PP2… What if… What if they didn’t believe it after PP1, and they wanted to see what our reaction would be to PP2, in order to make a final decision in PP3??
Thoughts going through my head during A Court of Mist and Fury

I think you can see an interesting transformation in me as I go on:

PART ONE: THE HOUSE OF BEASTS
1. Omg they’re getting married
2. I’m so worried about them
3. This bottling up is not good for them
4. Where’s Rhys
5. No High Lady? Why do I feel like Feyre is going to change that?
6. Okay wow they like bang everyday
7. Omg no she’s hesitating at the wedding
8. RHYS I KNEW IT
9. OMG DID FEYRE GET POWERS FROM EVRYONE
10. Rhys and his mandatory sentences LOL
11. FINALLY she admits that she’s suffocating
12. OHSHIT HE ALMOST HURT HER. EXACTLY 100 PAGES IN AND EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT!!!
13. AWWW Rhys is trying to help…DOES NO ONE ELSE NOTICE HOW DEPRESSED SHE IS?!!??
14. Omg she’s using books to escape her world like me…
15. OMG HE LOCKED HER IN NO TAMLIN STOP YOURE MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE
16. SEE TAMLIN SEE WHAT HAPPENS
17. Omg Rhys saved her. Thank god.
18. OH MY LORD SHE CANT EVEN SAY HIS NAME IM DYING IM DEAD THIS IS NOT OKAY. IM REALLY MAD AT TAMLIN FOR WHAT HE DID.

PART TWO: THE HOUSE OF WIND
19. Omg there are people here
20. Rhys is smiling and … Cute
21. OHMYDEARLORD IS SHE CONSIDERING KILLING HERSELF NO PLEASE FEYRE DONT DO THIS MY HEART IS BREAKING
22. THANK GOD RHYS IS PUTTING SOME SENSE INTO HER
23. Sarah j maas what are you doing to me?!??! She might not be in love with tamlin anymore?!?
24. Omg Rhys calls then his family how CUTE
25. BACKSTORIES!!! YAASSS FINALLY
26.Mor is awesome. I see an amazing friendship coming from this.
27. FEYRE BASICALLY JOINING THE AVENGERS LOL
28. The sexual tension is killing me
29. OH MY GOD “just how badly id broken in that moment with Amarantha”
30. “You are my salvation, Feyre” AWWWWWWW
31. SHE GOT OUT FROM THE WEAVER
32. She’s back home. Oh my gosh they are being cute with their bickering.
33. “Velaris isn’t my home” NO RHYS BABY SHE DOESNT MEAN IT
34. WHAT. THE. FUCK. “I’m not coming back”????? ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SEND THAT FEYRE?
35. LOL Feyre and Rhysand are basically sexting.
36. Omg training session…..OH NO FEYRES ANGRY. Its okay Rhys comforted her.

*jumps from one ship to the other Captain Jack Sparrow style*


37. SUMMER COURT: these two should just kiss they are so fricking jealous of everyone
38. THEY GOT THE BOOK
39. OMG THEY HAVE BOUNTIES ON THEIR HEADS
40. Awwww, Feyre comforting him after his nightmares.
41. WHAT ELSE IS LEFT HOLY SHIT IM ONLY HALFWAY?
42. Lol Elain true man they should burn in hell. And LOL at Cassian and Nesta…I ship it.
43. Feyre and Rhys are getting cuter by the second
44. OH MY LORD TAMLIN MURDERED RHYS’S FAMILY?!??! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? THIS IS NOT OKAY! IM NOT OKAY!
45. Oh Damn she just told Lucien off. Good for you, Feyre.
46. Oh my gosh they finally kissed….sort of
47. NO NO NO NO FUCK NO RHYS IS HURT NO FUCK HES OKAY. HES GOT TO BE OKAY
48. WHAAAAAAAAT…. HE’S HER MATE?!?!??!?! FOR REAL??!! HE KNEW?!?!? WHAT THE HECK?!?!?? SARAH J MAAS WHAT THE HELL?!??!?! I AM SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. IM NOT MAD REALLY BUT JUST LIKE SUPER SURPRISED AND I DONT KNOW IF IM OKAY CUZ IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THESE TWO IDK IF ILL SURVIVE.

PART THREE: THE HOUSE OF MIST
49. Yay shes painting again
50. RHYS IS BACK
51. BACKSTORY: OHMYGOSH HE KNEW FOR A WHILE. EVERYTHING HE DID…. EVERYTHING OH MY GOSH. HE LOVES HER. SHE LOVES HIM. IM DEAD.
52. (there still about a hundred pages left….I’m scared….someone hold me please)
53. Oh no Velaris was attacked. Feyre coming in like a boss.
54. Hybern…here we go….Feyre don’t do that. Amren said not to do that
55. SHIT JURIAN IS ALIVE
56. TAMLIN???!!! FUCK YOU! (Guys I’m too scared to continue. I need a breather)
57. WHAT THE FUCK HER SISTERS ARE HERE?!?!?
58. OH MY GOSH THEY TURNED THEM INTO FAE AS WELL.
59. CASSIAN! FUCK! NO! NOT HIM
60. FEYRE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??!?!! FUCK NO MY HEART!!!!! IM DEAD I AM NOT ALIVE RN
SARAH J MAAS CONGRATS CUZ YOU KILLED ME
61. THE BOND!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO
62. OMG SHES HIGH LADY I KNEW IT!!!!
63. DAMN RIGHT YOU GO TO WAR
64. DESTROY HIM FEYRE TAMLIN IS SUCH A TOOL I TAKE BACK EVERY THING I EVER FELT ABOUT HIM.

I can’t wait until the next one….

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? “I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HARRY STYLES DEAD SO HE WOULD STOP RUINING LOUIS AND ELEANORS……RELATIONSHIP. OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THIS A JOKE?!  “HE RUINED THE BAND BECAUSE HE’S A SICK DISGUSTING WHORE” BATCH! SHUT UP!! “HE’S FILLED WITH DISEASE AND NEEDS TO BE SOAKED IN BLEACH” BITCH I WILL POUR BLEACH DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT IF YOU DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP!! IM CLEANIN YOUR MOUTH OUT, BATCH! GAT A FUCKIN LIFE! YUH HAVE NOTHIN BETTA TO DUH. FUCK! YE! BLAH! BLAH BLAH! “TO ALL YOU LARRY SHIPPERS: YOU’RE STUPID SICK FREAKS” EXCUSE ME?! IM NOT THE ONE..WHO HAS A BLOG DEDICATED TO WANTING TO KILL SAMWAN. SCUS MEH. [sighs] i don’t need this in ma life. what is this SHAT IM NOT EVEN READIN IT. SPOT OFF…FUCK OFF!!!! [inaudible] get a fuckin life virgin tit….i BET…HE HAS NOT SLEPT WITH 410 PEOPLE. DO YOU JUST BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ, YOU STUPID FUCKIN BATCH? YOU’RE A RAT. OOOOOH MY GOD. OH! OH! OH! YOU SEE: “ALL LARRY SHIPPERS ARE FREAKS?!” WHO THE FUCK MADE THAT? WHO MADE THAT? YUH? YUH? YUH DED. SO WHY DONT YOU YUH YUH YUH….GO AND GET SOME FUCKIN HELP IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION, YOU STUPID FUCKIN RAT. YOU ARE OHHHHH MY GOD. I DON’T NEED THIS, YOU’RE A SNAKE. GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT. FUCK YE! I DONT NEED THIS, I DONT NEED THIS IN MA LIFE. I FUCKIN HATE YA I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THIS. PEOPLE LIKE THAS PISS ME THE FUCK OFF, BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW HADDY; HADDY IS A HUMAN. BEAN. HE HASN’T SLEPT WITH ANYBODY, HE’S A HUMAN. SO WHY DONT YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP? OKAY? LEAVE.

Me after finding out that the title of the next book is The Fate of Ten
  • Me: OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS
  • Me: I CANT BELIEVE ITS NOT NAMED AFTER EIGHT
  • Me: *begins to sob*
  • Me: WAIT THERE'S STILL ANOTHER BOOK
  • Me: Eight still has a chance!!!
  • Me: Maybe PL named the 6th book after ten so he could surprise us with Eight's resurrection in the 7th book!!
  • Me: Maybe Ella's fate is to revive the dead Garde!!!
  • Me: Maybe... Maybe....
  • Me: *slams head in the table*