oh my god i'm never doing this again

3

Smooches.

  • INTJ: "I want people to think I'm smart"
  • Also INTJ: "Oh god I showed people that I can kind of do the thing and now people actually *do* think I'm super smart and they're coming at me to solve their problems including the ones I don't know HOW to solve but now I have to live up to that "know-it-all" genius expectation or else I'm not a "real" INTJ and that would make me a fraud and OH MY GOD WHY IS THIS SO HARD I AM SO STUPID" *frantically googles how to erase one's identity and flee the country never to be heard from again*
Valentine's Day
  • Sebastian: As today is Valentine's Day, I predict the young master will have another one of his bouts. Everyone be prepared.
  • Finny: *shuddering* Last year was so scary!
  • Snake: Does Smile hate Valentine's Day? Says Emily.
  • Ciel: *appearing from around the corner* Don't be foolish, Snake. I LOVE Valentine's Day.
  • Sebastian: Oh, young master... We were just having a meeting about today's events-- no need to concern yourself with the detai--
  • Ciel: Do you know what makes Valentine's Day so great?
  • Snake: Um... Other people? Says Osca--
  • Ciel: The PROFIT. I'm running a candy and toy company after all. This truly is the most glorious day of the year..!
  • Bard: Oh my god he's at it again.
  • Mey-Rin: Young master, please calm down!
  • Ciel: In fact, today is so important that I'm giving all of you the day off-- even Sebastian. Plus, I made you all Valentine's cards.
  • Bard: You sick freak!
  • Finny: *sniffling* Where did the young master we know and love go? What if he never comes back?
  • Ciel: Anyway, I need to go call Elizabeth. Enjoy your day off.
  • Ciel: *leaves*
  • Sebastian: Now that the young master has left, I suggest we orderly evacuate the manor in favor of our Valentine's Day safe house in the woods.
  • Snake: Shouldn't we--
  • Sebastian: No. RUN.
I Got 99 Problems and You’re Number One

… Yes, this is what you’re thinking. Me being super late to start @starcoweek3 

In my defense, THIS FIC DIDN’T WANT OT END.

So.. yeah, I’m a bit ashamed it took me this long to finish, like, we are almost over it…

Also, guys I didn’t give up JanTom Week, all the fics have half done but I had a major block with Jantom (probably due to EA just wanted me on the climax chapters and I’m still finishing it) I plan to finish before next jantom week lol

Also,, huge thanks to @mrevaunit42 and @axis2600 for helping to post this anyway, you guys are awesome! *hugs*

Also a special mention to @fullertoons for creating this amazing au! 

I hope you enjoy :D

PS: lots of people identified this as the Starco song because of EA, and I ended up using to write in this too along with this one.

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7


I 99 Problems and You’re Number One

Marco sat in the waiting room annoyed. He and Star went to Mewni to come kind of ceremony that she was obligated to comply and for whatever reason, he got into it too. The princess had asked him if he could wait for her to get ready to give an opinion to her dress and how he was supposed to say no when she looked at him with those blue eyes full of hope?!

He had a major problem, not only because he was completely hopeless for those blue eyes sparkling hope, or the cutest heart marks she had, or how she was enchanting on every single way, or how Star walked like floating like she was a ballerina… No, all that was consequences of his number one problem.

The fact he was falling for the princess.

Keep reading

20 Questions for Ed Sheeran, January 25, 2017.
  • Interviewer: What's the most exciting thing in life right now?
  • Ed: Uh, the new album. Coming out third of March.
  • Interviewer: What are you completely tired of right now?
  • Ed: Uhh... I dunno. Walking Dead. I can't seem to get into it. I'm on season four and it's just, I haven't-
  • Interviewer: I'm there as well! Which episode are you on right now?
  • Ed: I'm on like episode five? They're all ill and they're coughing up blood, and-
  • Interviewer: Oh, yeah. It gets better though. Keep on watching it bro.
  • Ed: See, everyone's been saying that, but I've watched like sixty episodes now, and I'm like, I can't quite... so yeah, I'm trying to get through it.
  • Interviewer: What song took you the least amount of time to write?
  • Ed: Thinking Out Loud.
  • Interviewer: What's the first thing that you do when you get an idea for a song?
  • Ed: Uhh, I shut the doors and go away from people.
  • Interviewer: If you could teach one subject at a school, what would it be?
  • Ed: Music. I'm actually going back to teach music at my old school soon.
  • Interviewer: Beautiful, I like that. Did you ever have detention during growing up and going to school?
  • Ed: 'Course, all the time.
  • Interviewer: All the time? Every day?
  • Ed: All the time.
  • Interviewer: What's your favorite drink?
  • Ed: Uhhh... beer. Ale. Like ale. Good, good English ale. Does Finland do good ale?
  • Interviewer: I don't know about that. Not so good. It's okay, but I think it's better in England.
  • Ed: Yeah. You can't drink too much of it though 'cause it's so heavy, it just, I just fall asleep. So I have three and I fall asleep. But the first one is like... glorious.
  • Interviewer: What's your favorite food?
  • Ed: ...Fish and chips? I reckon. Fish and chips. If you give me a fish and chips and an ale, pfft, game over. That's my day.
  • Interviewer: That's perfect. That's heaven. What's one thing you need to have in your fridge always? No matter what-
  • Ed: Ketchup.
  • Interviewer: Ketchup? With fish and chips.
  • Ed: I've actually refused to eat fish and chips when there wasn't any ketchup. I just think it's a travesty.
  • Interviewer: I get that. What's your favorite movie of all time?
  • Ed: Goodfellas.
  • Interviewer: Oh that's a good one. Classic. Favorite TV show?
  • Ed: A show called Love/Hate actually. It's an Irish TV show, like Gangland Dublin. It's amazing.
  • Interviewer: What's the funniest thing you've ever read about yourself on the internet?
  • Ed: That I introduced Adele and her husband Simon. Um, 'cause I do - I now - know them, but like when that came out I, well I'd met Adele, but I'd never met Simon. So I don't know how I could've introduced them.
  • Interviewer: Would you love to work with Adele?
  • Ed: Yeah. I don't think anyone's going to work with Adele. I think Adele kind of doesn't want to work with anyone. I think she does her own thing. So yeah, I think I'd say yes but I don't think it would ever happen.
  • Interviewer: What's the best way to relax for Ed Sheeran?
  • Ed: Sleep. Always a good way, yeah.
  • Interviewer: That's what I do as well. Name one thing you can't live without.
  • Ed: Um. My cats.
  • Interviewer: How many cats do you have?
  • Ed: Two. And they're GREAT.
  • Interviewer: Are you thinking about getting a third one?
  • Ed: I think it'd be unfair. They're sisters, so if you add another cat into the mix it might get weird.
  • Interviewer: What scares you the most?
  • Ed: Uh, heights. Yeah.
  • Interviewer: Me too, I'm afraid of heights. Have you ever done a bungee jump?
  • Ed: I did, yeah. I hated it. Have you done it?
  • Interviewer: Really, you did it?! So you've probably beat that then.
  • Ed: No, no it's made it even worse. Even worse, yeah. Never do it.
  • Interviewer: Really? Okay, I'm not gonna do it then. Thanks for the tip man.
  • Ed: Oh god, I'm just remembering falling down that, like oh god, it was horrible.
  • Interviewer: What was your first job?
  • Ed: My first job, I worked in a pub. I washed, I did the washing up in a pub.
  • Interviewer: If you could travel to any place in the whole world, where would you go?
  • Ed: ...Iceland. Iceland again. I love, I love, I love Iceland.
  • Interviewer: So you've been there, like-?
  • Ed: Once. But it was one of the best places I've ever been to.
  • Interviewer: Have you ever been to Finland?
  • Ed: Yeah. I've been to Finland, yeah. I think I played a small show in Finland once.
  • Interviewer: If you were in a boyband, what would the band's name be?
  • Ed: Wrong Direction.
  • Interviewer: [Laughs] Wrong Direction, I love that. What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?
  • Ed: Always be nice to people.
  • Interviewer: That's cool. It works out every time. If you could work with any artist in the world, who would it be?
  • Ed: Beyonce. Beyonce. I have worked with her before, but not on an original song.
  • Interviewer: Could you name three things that make you happy right now? This Wednesday.
  • Ed: Uh, my cats. Pictures of my cats. And hearing about my cats. I like my cats. Three things.
  • Interviewer: [Laughs] What's the biggest no-no purchase you've ever bought?
  • Ed: No-no? Astin Martin. Astin Martin, yeah. I only drove it a couple of times.
  • Interviewer: Really?! How much was it?
  • Ed: It wasn't cheap. I feel like, I felt... I got it, and I felt cool. And then I felt like an idiot. I don't think sports cars are for me.
  • Interviewer: Do you still have it?
  • Ed: I do still have it, yeah. I let my manager's wife drive it. She uses it.

“Okay, for real now.”

Dean is serious, sitting straight and looking like he’s working in another case– and this is half weird, half funny because they’re supposed to be on a short vacation or whatever. Sam isn’t sure how he should feel about this. so he just hums in response, turning a page of his magazine. He can’t remember why he’s even trying to read it, but he’s grateful for Dean’s interruption.

As weird as it is.

“Why do you never say ‘yes’?”

Oh. So that’s the reason behind Dean’s sudden behavior. Sam has believed they’ve got that settled a long time ago.

He can’t remember when Dean started asking, really. Maybe after Stanford and Jess, maybe when they first kissed in the back seat of the Impala when Sam was 13. At first it was just an innocent joke, something they threw around only to have something to look for– a promise of sorts. They’d always be together, day after day, as long as Dean kept asking and Sam kept refusing, and it was good. No matter how fucked up their lives were, they still had a constant there, keeping them together.

But then time flew by, things got even more fucked up than ever and with everything the world had thrown at their faces, somewhere down the road that question turned and twisted into something meaningful, real and deep as a fresh wound. Despite Dean’s best efforts, though, Sam’s answers has never changed.

‘You goin’ to marry me today?’

‘Ask me again tomorrow.’

Dean is still staring, still waiting for Sam’s answer, and Sam sighs, pushing the magazine aside to look up at his big brother. Their eyes lock for a second or two and even if there’s a thousand and one things Sam could say, there’s only one answer he’d always pick.

“Because if I did, I’d never get to hear you ask again.”

{ part 01 | tagging: @policeofficerdean @corrupteddean @golly-god @angelicmeg }

Sara, I’m putting you in danger by saying this, but maybe it doesn’t matter because I’ll be dead, and they’ll leave you alone. But I love you. You’ll see, I loved you. I never stopped loving you. This whole lie was for you. Sara If I do die, don’t let them put Kaniel Outis on my headstone, because that’s never who I was. Make them put my real name, the man I’ve always been, Michael Scofield.
—  Michael Scofield breaking my heart. (PB s05ep03)

psychoticwesninski  asked:

So I scrolled through your ENTIRE Kayleigh lives au tag and at some point you said Riko and Nathaniel bicker a lot and Jean and Kevin have to occasionally separate their smols- and I know it was meant to be semi-serious actual fighting but all I can picture is them fighting about the best things. "You are not buying those Nathaniel" "Riko shut up they're combat boots just like yours-" "yeah but they aren't /real/ there's a zipper" "I'm not spending five fucking hours lacing them oh my god-" +

//// “did you seriously buy the blue hat” “Riko-” “the raven colors are red and black Nathaniel WHY IS YOUR HAT BLUE GIVE IT-” //// “we should surprise Kevin for his birthday with Jeremy Knox” “for what purpose” “to watch him have a stroke” “Nathaniel I actually want Knox on our court-” “-but it would be so funny-” “-and he would /never speak to us again we have a reputation/” //// - “I want Andrew Minyard” “he’s already on our team?” “Riko” “oh-… nathaniel you should totally do that” “are you using reverse psychology?” “No what-” cause it isn’t working" “damn”

>> The Kayleigh Lives AU <<

OMG all of these are GOLDEN thank you so much (and i’m with Nathaniel for the combat boots lmao i don’t even untie my sneakers’ laces do u think i have time for combat boots laces–)

Also. On the subject of the smols arguing. Please consider:

Exy European Championships

There’s no mercy in this household

Somewhere in Virginia, there is a house that has an overflowing swear jar that Lucille started for Negan, but never got to empty.

How to Flirt as A Swiftie (An Embarrassing Story)
  • Me: *sees my crush walking towards me* *to my friend* oh my god, he's coming this way! What should I do?!?!
  • Friend: For the love of God, just talk to him normally.
  • Crush: *sits by my side* *waves* hi, Rikki.
  • Me: *hyperventilates* *squeaks* hi.
  • *awkward silence*
  • Me: *lamely* You know, funny story. You remind me of a Taylor Swift song.
  • Crush: Really. What song?
  • Me: You belong with me.
  • Friend: *chokes on her drink*
  • Crush: *raises his eyebrow* *smiles slyly*
  • Me: *blushes profusely I'm like a living tomato already*
  • *note to myself, never EVER flirt to anyone ever again*

stephisdrowningfast  asked:

My duuude u still do requests?? IF SO, can u do RFA reacting to MC in a coma?? (Maybe MC waking up after like so long) sorry if I'm bothering 😅

 I’ve never stopped trying to trick people into requesting my crappy writing. God. I’m so sorry. I got so excited about this request I monologued again. Oopies. Oh well. And trust me you’re not bothering me in the slightest. Enjoy, please! And be sure to request more. 

[[ I’ll add Saeyoung later. I’m really beat and wanna post this anyway :))]]


● • · Jumin · • ●

  • Jumin and You had been out and about on one of his rare days off shopping and such for the next big event, Chairman Han had arranged for your recently announced engagement. 
  • “Jumin I don't think we had to buy all the dresses for one event.”
  • “But you looked so lovely in each of them, how was I too chose?
  • You hated when he said it so bluntly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world…
  • “Still…” you started stopping after feeling a hand on your shoulder spinning you around to face him. A serious look gracing his features…
  • “I wish to give you the world if you wish it, _____. A few dresses are nothing but the start of it.”
  • “THats not what I want, Jumin. I just want you.” You gave him one of your trademark grins that melted him deep in the core
  • “Then so be it, Mrs. Han.”
  • “Jum-”
  • “Mr. Han” A new voice intruded your conversation taking you by surprise. You had gotten used to it being just the two of you, Jumin had rented out the entire store for your convenience and you being escorted by his bodyguards to the car. 
  • “Yes” He said looking clearly angered by the newcomer the bodyguards’ parting way so he could take a good look at him. 
  • “May I help you?”
  • “Yes, you can.” He was shaking dressed in a well-do suit you noted everyone in Jumins’ circle dressed as so it took you by surprise to see his disposition. Sure Jumin was intimidating but not this much.
  • “Jumin I think we should go.” You said placing a hand on his arm hoping to communicate the obvious discomfort circulating through your veins. 
  • He shushed you, clearly not reading the situation correctly.
  • “By…” He shouted as he reached into his bulging coat pocket only to be tackled to the ground by security. 
  • “See ___? Nothing to worry about” he trailed off noticing your hand was off arm. 
  • Looking around puzzled ignoring the shouting man and the grunts of the bodyguards to find your crumpled form on the ground.
  • Panic rising, he immediately knelt beside you turning you over to see your closed eyes face. Not seeing any cause he brushed back your hair to see the large gash from where your face had made contact with the ground. Hands shaking.
  • “______!”
  • “Someone call the damn hospital. “ 
  • “Hold on, _____. Hold on…!”
  • “Mr.Han?” 
  • “Yes? Any news?”
  • “I’m afraid despite our best efforts. Miss.____ has slipped into a coma for an unknown amount of time due to the head injury,”
  • “It’It was just a tiny scratch. What do you mean head injury?”
  • “It caused bleeding in her brain leading to her body in defense to slip into a coma, sir. Outlook is neither good nor bad. Head injuries are very unpredictable.”
  • “Unpredictable?”
  • “Yes, see-”
  • “I don’t care. You’re a doctor, I’m paying you to fix it.”
  • “Sir? Its not that simple.”
    “Yes, it is. Money is no object so make no mistake either you fix it or I’ll find someone who can.”
  • “Sir..!” He looked taken back at his brisk attitude
  • “And make no mind its Mrs.Han to you, understand?” He looked at him with an icy glare.
  • He turned around thinking…
  • “I’ll keep my promise _____. I’ll be yours till you wake up and forever after…”


● • · Zen · • ●

  • “A coma?”
  • “Yes were very sorry sir but due to complications from swelling from the accident. We had to medically induce the coma in hopes it went down. 
  • “She was wearing a helmet. We both were.” He protested sitting straight up.
  • “Yes but in this case, while it protects her from fatal injuries, it did cause some problems. See when she hit the ground-”
  • His ears simply allowed white noise to wash over him as he put his face into hands and begin choking out sobs as the previous events flashed through his mind.
  • “ZENNNY!” 
  • “What, babe?”
  • “Not so fast, please.”
  • “Faster? Sure.
  • “Zennnnn!!” 
  • He chuckled at your groans and allowed the motorbike to slow as they approached the red light.
  • It had taken weeks to convince you to ride with him having the picture of him riding with his best girl ever engraved in his mind since he started riding. You had been hesitant due to fear of falling off. But he had met your concerns with a big grin and said…
  • “I’ll just have to catch you then, princess.” Pinching your cheeks.
  • So after late night practice, he had found himself with a perfect excuse to take a ride with you. Roads were clear and morning rehearsal was canceled.
  • “Ouch!” He groaned feeling harsh tugging at his ponytail.
  • “THats for going so fast!” You said in his ear, wiggling closer to him. 
  • “Oh, you said slower I could have sworn.” 
  • “You know what I meant” 
  • Well apologies then, princess.”
  • You simply giggled. 
  • The light turned green and he begins to gain speed as he accelerated forward. 
  • “Hold on tight, Bab-”
  • A stray car barrelled forward through the red light horn blaring catching his attention as he swerved to avoid it. Turning his bike into the deserted sidewalk.
  • “ZENN!” You screamed behind him as he hit the curb causing you to fly forward onto the ground. 
  • Hands atomically attempted to find you as he attempted to twist your body to catch you from making contact with the ground the last ditch effort but it was in vain as you spiraled away from him.
  • He heard a crunch as his arm that was outstretched towards you snapped. Vision blackening due to the pain.
  • Groaning he heard people coming out stores surrounding as he came to, looking for you, he held his arm pushing himself up finding you eyes closed chest barely moving your body bunched together.
  • “Babe” He rasped out.
  • Ablumbalnces rang behind him as he felt his conciseness slipping back into the black.
  • Tears fell down his face as the memories faded out.
  • “I’m so sorry, _____. I didn’t catch you.”


● • · Yoosung · • ●

  • “Yoosung I’m going to lay down. I have a major headache. You said leaning against the doorframe slightly dizzy.
  • “Okay ___!” He called half listening as he began a new quest in LOLOLOL.
  • [8hrs later.]
  • “Done! Yeahhh!” He shouted triumphally voice echoing across the empty living room after many hours of raiding he finally achieved a new armor that he had talked about since Monday. 
  • Looking at the clock, he winced noticing the time. 3:00am? It had been 8hrs since he had last seen you. He suddenly remembered about your headache rushing from his computer, he swiped the aspirin bottle making way to your bedroom.
  • “______….?” He whispered letting the door creak open surprised to see the bed empty and the bath water running, confusion dulled his senses in why you were bathing at 3 am. Crossing the bedroom in easy strides. He rapped on the door attempting some attempt to catch your attention. Noticing the soggy carpet seeping through his socks made the alarm bells go off in his mind. Flinging open the door the bathroom floor was covered with icy water your body in the middle of the room face up as your hair floated in the freestanding water. 
  • Ignoring the still flowing water he swooped down to you cradling you.
  • “______? _____?!?!” He shook your freezing body in an attempt in to wake you fumbling for his phone in his hoodie almost dropping in the water filled room. 
  • “911, what is your emergency?”
  • …..
  • He paced around the waiting room, the entire RFA surrounded him. All voicing their concern for you. 
  • “ Miss. ____’s  family?
  • “How is she, Doctor???” He raced for the doctor eyes wild.
  • “I’m afraid, Miss.____ had a hyperglycemia episode that’s what cause her to pass out…” He paused looking at Yoosung’s lost face.
  • “That’s from her diabetes right?”
  • “Yes her blood sugar was dangerously high. The cause unknown should have shown signs…”
  • “It did. She said she had a headache.” Feeling guilt aching in him. LOLOLOL feeling utterly silly right now.
  • “Well she should have paid more attention to that, nevertheless she suffered from that and very low body temperatures…”
  • He spaced out feeling hollow, he should have checked on her or at least removed his headset. How long were you lying there?
  • “Resulting in a coma even though we regulated her blood sugar and body temperature. She may not wake up.”
  • He crumpled in half guilt making him choke out sobs at this blocking out everything. 
  • ______, I’m so sorry. 


L o v e,

M o c h i

Angst Sentence Starters
  • "How could you do this to us! To our family?"
  • "I really fucking hate you."
  • "You're disappointing as a man."
  • "I really want to bash your face in right now."
  • "You disgust me."
  • "You're never allowed to see our child again."
  • "I don't trust you."
  • "Fuck you."
  • "How can I believe you after everything you've done?"
  • "I should've known better than to trust a liar."
  • "Get away from me!"
  • "Don't touch me!"
  • "Touch me and it'll be the last thing you do."
  • "Touch me and I'll cut your fucking fingers off."
  • "Shut up! Shut up! I can't hear this anymore!"
  • "Do you love her...?"
  • "How long have you been lying to me?"
  • "How long have you been cheating on me?"
  • "How long have you been keeping this from me?"
  • "I can't believe this is happening."
  • "Is this what I think it is?"
  • "I was cleaning your shirt today and found a lipstick stain. Care to explain?"
  • "You smell like her/him."
  • "You're not only cheating on me but your family."
  • "I'll do whatever it takes for you to never see your son/daughter again!"
  • "I'm not surprised you'd do this to yourself."
  • "Oh my god! How could you!"
  • "Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth."
  • "The proof is in the pudding, my dear."

my blog now has a bunch of meta on how self centered and self-absorbed early canon tsuna was but look! look at this!!

tsuna who learned barely how to swim 15 meters in a day goes off to save a child adrift in the ocean! because! he knows! what that experience feels like! and how scary it is!!

anyway i feel like this proves isn’t.. necessarily JUST self-centered and self-absorbed, but he is like that because no else will engage him. he gets bullied, he gets put down, he is dismissed. he internalizes all of this as a loser complex, but he still! went out of his way to change a child that he empathizes with.

i mean, yes, this happens in chapter 57, so it’s not SUPER super early canon, it’s at least a year after living with reborn. it’s not 100% guaranteed he has always been this way, or if reborn had something to do with it.

personally i think he’s always been this way, but The Whole Loser Complex Thing, thinking he can’t Do Anything, has also lended to his complacency. he always has Opinions, he just never considered himself able to Do Anything About It, and that seems to have translated to endless whining and just general prickliness and refusal to even consider doing anything. because. he can’t. he’s pretty sure he can’t, everyone says the same thing.

which is also why i think he was really hesitant when he saw enma getting beat up. violence is painful and he’s still internalizing the idea that he can’t fight! what can he do to help? if he jumps in he’ll get HURT. he’s not a perfect self-sacrificing angel but he EMPATHIZES with enma’s situation. empathizing and feeling helpless is awful.

anyway, look he LEARNED HOW TO SWIM! look how nitwickin happy he is

I’M SWIMMING! I’M MOVING FORWARD!

that Lifeguard Senpai even says ‘hah, i tell you’re a beginning’ but tsuna doesn’t even care?? so what if he’s a beginner he is making progress! i just. iiiiii.

he’s getting PRAISE, wow, that never happens?! he’s so happy. let this child have confidence in himself. there’s no need to angst-moe him and strip him of his reclusive self-absorbed defense mechanism.. just let him learn.. that it’s Okay to start caring about himself and other people again.. You Have A Support Group, You Will Be Fine Now.

(and then of course you gotta save the world for their sake, but, y’know. you do you, tsuna.)

Team Voltron as things that me and my friends have actually said
  • Hunk: Eat enough cilantro and you too can become god.
  • ------
  • Pidge: Of course, because what girl wouldn't have scale models of heavy artillery to use against the Mongol hoards that attack during the Barbie-Horse uprising?
  • Allura: I'm glad you see where I'm coming from.
  • ------
  • Coran, on cannibalism: Whoopsie daisies.
  • ------
  • Lance: Is it treason to fuck a prime minister who is not your own?
  • Pidge: How many Prime ministers are we talking?
  • Lance: ...I don't know. /Types into Google "hot Prime Ministers"/
  • ------
  • Pidge: Curiosity isn't a body part either.
  • ------
  • Shiro: How big is the bug?
  • Keith: Big enough to fight.
  • Shiro: Well any bug is big enough to fight. I need specifics here.
  • ------
  • Hunk: Lance, you can't use Queen to get out of all of your problems.
  • ------
  • Shiro: Do you even know what VHS stands for?
  • Pidge: Vehicle Mode.
  • Shiro: Vehicle Mode?
  • Pidge: Mode spelled with an s. S-M-O-D-E.
  • Lance, from a distance: Vee Hickle Smode.
  • ------
  • Pidge: I need the tension, it brings me peace.
  • ------
  • Lance: I, an American teenager...
  • ------
  • Coran: It only takes about three minutes for anarchy to set in.
  • ------
  • Hunk: Even our Meth is outsourced.
  • Pidge: Make America Meth Again.
  • ------
  • Allura: I'm not calling Dostoyevsky a fuckboi, but...
  • ------
  • Keith: Who is Bono?
  • Hunk: The main singer from U2.
  • Keith: ???
  • Pidge: This guy. /Shows him a picture/
  • Keith: I have never seen that man before in my life.
  • Lance: Oh my god, go outside.
  • Keith: I have. He's not out there.
  • Lance: ...We'll he's got me there.
  • ------
  • Keith: Everything I do feels illegal.
  • ------
  • Pidge: Lance, you can't fuck the Canadian Prime Minister.
  • Lance: Don't tell me what or who to do.
  • ------
  • Keith, putting down his book and shutting it with purpose: Snart.
  • ------
  • Coran, on reentering the womb: Not ALL of us are going back in.
  • ------
  • Pidge: Like, you know, the place where they put the dead shit.
  • Hunk: ...The Smithsonian???
  • ------
  • Shiro, after not sleeping for three days: These are the voyages of the Starshoop Eagleprize.
  • ------
  • Allura: The aliens don't need your shitposts.
  • ------
  • Lance: Did English start as a practical joke?
  • ------
  • Shiro: Hey, we got MURDERED!
  • ------
  • Lance: YEAST! Make a wish!
  • Hunk: Do you ever think that our problems aren't like other people's?
  • ------
  • Coran: Hell is screaming mixed with kazoos.
  • ------
  • Lance: I am also sometimes called Killadelphia.
  • ------
  • Pidge: Why do you find yeast so funny?
  • Hunk: /distressed wheezing/
  • ------
  • Coran: These Nikes qualify me to give health advice.
  • ------
  • Keith: I'm either a shitposting human, or an alien that's trying his best.
  • ------
  • Hunk: It feels green in here.
  • Pidge: /deadeyed stare/
  • ------
  • Lance: I lost control of my pants.
The Signs As Thoughts During School
  • Aries: If this bitch doesn't shut the fuck up this whole classroom is going to feel my wrath
  • Taurus: I wonder if I could sue the school for trying to poison me with this cardboard pizza
  • Gemini: I wonder when my teacher lost their virginity
  • Cancer: Whoever invented school needs a high five in the face with a fucking brick
  • Leo: I could just get up and leave right now, no one can stop me why the fuck am i still here?!?!
  • Virgo: There's only (random number) days left until summer
  • Libra: I can't wait to graduate so i never have to deal with these dumb fucks ever again
  • Scorpio: Fuck this shit i'm gonna be famous anyway
  • Sagittarius: Oh my god who the hell cares
  • Capricorn: I'm surrounded by idiots
  • Aquarius: How much trouble would i get in if i slapped a bitch? Probably a lot, but it's worth it.
  • Pisces: Do girls really think that wearing three pounds of makeup makes them look attractive? Or are they just going for the look that matches their personality
1000 Followers?!

Oh my gosh you guys. Never in my wildest dream could I have ever imagined that over a 1000 people would want to follow me and see pictures of my work. You are all so fantastic and amazing, this is like, one of the most amazing birthday presents!

Thank you all so much for following me and sticking with me when I have things happen or can’t show my own work. You’re all so amazing and wonderful!

missidinamenzel  asked:

Finals are killin me man, any way you can tell another story? You've been like my salvation this week.

hahahahaahahaha literally a year later!!! literally a year. never be my friend, i will forget to answer your emails and constantly double-book my time. 

ANYWAY, someone else (@ TUMBLR: what if….you tried…..not being QUITE so bad at messaging??? just a thought!!!! just an idea to try.) asked me for another Boarding School Story™ and i was racking my brain trying to think of something, because contrary to what i feel like might be popular belief, i didn’t get up to too many hijinks in high school. 

i mean i was in our version of detention a lot but that was for things like “skipping breakfast” and “being late always” and “writing an inflammatory speech about how unfair it was that we had to eat breakfast in the dining hall when we could be using that time to SLEEP” and “dyeing my hair with bright streaks against the express written rules of the student handbook”.

  • okay in hindsight i was actually….. in detention….. a lot.
  • they used to email our parents every time we were in detention and it got to the point where my mother emailed our dean of students and asked if, to save time, she was only emailed when i WASN’T in detention.
  • but i feel like i wasn’t a troublemaker??? 
  • like okay objectively i was…in trouble often but–

the POINT IS, my young and very gentle delinquency aside, the only time i was ever in like, real trouble is the time that my boyfriend and i got stuck on the roof of the boys’ locker room in the football stadium.

i guess the important background info here is that where was an hour every night between study hall and final dorm sign-in that students were allowed to leave their dorms and ~mingle with one another, though there were all kinds of rules about where you could and couldn’t be.

  • school was like “you have to be in a lighted area” and students were like “lmao.”
  • there was also a hilarious rule during co-ed visitation on the dorms that you had to have “your door open and everyone had to have at least one foot on the floor at all times” which is an adorable way to try and curtail the Teenage Get Down.

anyway, the boyf and i were looking for a cool fun place to hang out and talk about, god, i don’t know, whatever it was that we talked about. 

a few things about this boyf:

  • we had a spanish class together and he was very tall. 
  • he had a lot of other good qualities, including “he was so nice to me all the time even when i was horrible” and “excellent deadpan” but my initial interest was because he was SO. VERY. TALL.
  • a pretty good summary of our relationship as a whole was that he called me to be like, “hey, we’ve been….talking a lot…….i was wondering what you were trying to do with that” and i was like “uh———i wasn’t——i like—-UHHHHHHHHHHHH” and he was like, “WELL DO YOU WANT TO LIKE, GO OUT??” and i was like, “SURE BUT I HAVE TO GO NOW BYE”
  • ah, to be young.

so boyf and i went for a fun little adventure looking for some ~privacy and struck upon the BRILLIANT idea of scaling the locker room building and hanging out on the roof, because nothing says “romance” like “the smell of a football equipment”. so he managed to find a ladder somewhere and up we went. a lovely time was had by all until i looked down at my watch and realized i had five minutes to be back on dorm.

“oh, shit,” i said, and getting to my feet and jogging to the edge of the roof. i looked down.

“hey, boyf?”

“yeah?”

“where did you put the ladder?”

he looked up. “i left it where you’re standing.”

i looked again. #confirmed for no ladder.

“are you sure?”

“yeah, where else would i put it?”

“well, where did you get it?”

“i don’t know, i found it….on……the grass………”

  • A WORD OF ADVICE: don’t ever just assume that ladders left lying around are for public use!!! they are ALMOST NEVER for public use.

“is it possible that was someone’s ladder, and they came and took it?”

  • SPOILER ALERT: it was possible!!! in fact, it was probable!!!
  • SPOILER ALERT #2: it was, in fact, security’s ladder, and security had taken it, assuming, of course, that two idiot students hadn’t just taken their ladder and climbed onto a roof that they 120% were not supposed to be on at 10pm.

“well,” said boyf.

“well,” i said.

“i could jump down and then catch you,” he offered.

we looked at one another. we looked down at the ground. we looked back at each other.

“you’re not THAT tall,” i said. 

so, our options:

  1. jump off the roof.
  2. call for help.
  3. accept that we now lived on this roof forever, build a home out of what we could scavenge, and never face the consequences of our actions.

“so, do you want to just live here?” i asked. “we could be happy.” 

“PLEASE HELP,” yelled boyf. “WE ARE STUCK ON THE ROOF.”

  • boyf was more willing to accept responsibility for his actions than i was, which is also why he was willing to try to be friends when we broke up and i hid in my dorm room for a solid 3 months until he graduated.

after a few minutes if our shouting, security and the coach of the football team–who must have just been on duty?? i don’t think they like, called him every time there was a football stadium-related incident.–gathered at the boys’ locker room and glared up at us in the dark.

“HOW did you even get UP THERE,” shouted mr football coach. 

“there was a ladder!” boyf protested. “it was right there! it was a public ladder!”

“THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PUBLIC LADDER.”

“i’m gonna jump down,” said boyf again.

  • you know, all these years later i’m still not sure if he was nobly trying to take the brunt of the scolding or just like…. really wanted to jump off the roof.

“please stop trying to jump off this roof!!!!!” i snapped.

after probably five minutes of incredibly awkward two-level scolding, in which we sat with our legs hanging off the edge of the roof and the football coach said things like, “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS,” and “WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN” and “IT IS SO EASY TO BE ANY OTHER WAY THAN THIS” security arrived with “their” “ladder” that “wasn’t” for “public use” or whatever.

  • i don’t know if you’ve ever been scolded while literally looking down at the authority figure you’ve pissed off but like, it is incredibly weird.
  • like on the one hand you feel like you have all the power, because you’re like “LOOK AT THE TINY PEONS BELOW ME,” but also you know logically that you don’t have all the power and you have to at least look contrite because in 5 minutes you’ll be on the ground and then the authority figure will hold all the cards again.
  • also it just feels rude to have your shoes dangling above an authority figure’s head but like, what else are you supposed to do?? it’s weirder to stand???
  • standing feels aggressive when you’re on a roof looking down???
  • EMILY POST CAN YOU WEIGH IN HERE

boyf and the football coach walked me back to my dorm.

“uh, bye,” i said, feeling for some reason like i would never see boyf again and we were both going to prison.

“GOODNIGHT,” said the football coach. “YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM THE DEAN.”

*********

“you can see why it might seem….to outside parties…..like you were on the roof for……private reasons,” said the dean, scolding both boyf and i outside the chapel just to remind us that we had let not only ourselves down, but also probably jesus.

“WE WERE STARGAZING,” boyf and i said in tandem.

“but you can SEE why it might SEEM like you were doing something ELSE,” the dean said. “if it happens again i’ll call your parents.”

“if it happens again i’m totally jumping off the roof,” boyf whispered to me when the dean had turned away.

“OH MY GOD,” i said.