oh my god get out of here

“… so, me and Damien had to run all the way home not to get caught by the police and he didn’t speak to me for a whole month!”

“Oh my gOD ROBERT!”

Just the idea of my two favourite sons drinking together is too much to handle °u° So here they are, having some fun during a night out when Mickey’s not home and Betsy is asleep.

I want to believe in ghosts. I love ghost stories. We were shooting Keanu in New Orleans, and the whole cast went on this ghost tour, led by this sexy, swarthy guy. Like, “If these streets could talk, they’d tell some pretty scary stories. But you probably don’t want to hear about that…” I was looking over at Method Man like, “Oh, my God, I brought a member of the Wu-Tang Clan to this fucking ghost tour. He’s going to hate it.” At the end of the tour, Method Man raises his hand. I was like, “Oh, here it comes.” He goes, “Sometimes I wake up and I feel something sitting on my chest. What is it?” And I’m thinking, It’s blunts, it’s blunts, stop smoking blunts. But the tour guide is like, [nodding] “That’s going to be a night hag.
—  interview with jordan peele
Birthday Girl (NSFW/Smut)

Originally posted by dailytomholland

Author: Arfrona-and-Marvel

Word Count: 2965

Warnings: Cursing/Sex

Pairings: Peter Parker x Reader

Type: Fluff, Smut

Note: Virgin reader and Peter :) 

Requested: nope

——————

Y/N’s POV

Peter covers my eyes with a blindfold and helps me stand up.

“This is kinky, Parker, what are you planning?”

Peter laughs nervously and I feel him getting more timid with his actions.

“Will you stop, Y/N? It’s just to keep the surprise a surprise.”

I giggle at his obviously flustered state from my sex joke.

I let him lead me out of the room to the unknown destination, one hand holding mine and the other on my waist as he gently pushes me along.

“Peterrrrrrr it’s taking so loooooong,” I whine, just to annoy him.

“Just a little farther, Y/N, bear with me here.”

My foot brushes against something soft.

“Is that another gym sock?”

“Uhhhhh… No it isn’t…” There’s a loud shuffle as he tries to kick the offending article away discreetly.

Oh, he’s so adorable when he’s lying.

He stops and lets go of my hand and waist. There’s a soft scrape to my left as he pulls out a chair.

Heh. Pulls out.

“Here ya go, love.” He takes my hand and gently guides me into the seat. He slips and I miss the seat, landing on the soft, carpeted floor instead. There’s a solid thunk as what sounds like Peter’s head collides with the wall.

“OH MY GOD PETER ARE YOU OKAY?” I tear off the blindfold and see the poor boy rubbing his head, where there’s bound to be a bump forming.

“I’ll live.”

“Oh you poor man-child, let me get you some ice.”

I rush towards the kitchen, noting the very nicely set-up dinner table for two.

He must be devastated that he couldn’t properly surprise me.

I stop as I enter the kitchen, trying to process the scene before me.

He hobbles up behind me, trying to stop me.

“Wait, Y/N, don’t go into the- ah shit you’ve seen it.”

I look around to see the room decorated with strings of lights and roses.

“Oh, Peter. You shouldn-” Peter kisses me before I could finish my sentence.

“You like it?” He asks as he pulls me closer for another kiss, deeper than the last.

I pull away before nodding, “Yes, Peter, I love it. Thank you.”

He beams at me before leading me to the table and pulling out a chair for me.

“My princess,” he jokes, gesturing for me to take a seat.

I sarcastically bow, “My knight.”

—–

After dinner, I stand up to help clean up the dishes.

Peter shoos me away and tells me to sit down while he takes care of it.

I don’t bother arguing with him, because I know fighting with him would be pointless with his stubbornness.

I stay seated while he collects the dishes and kisses my nose before leaving to wash them.

I watch him walk away and smile to myself as I take a rose from the vase on dining table and twirl it in my hands.

I giggle to myself as I think about our past two years together.

How sweet Peter was with his cute pickup lines and our weekly movie dates.

How shy he is when we kiss and how much of a gentleman he is.

I continue to reminisce until I see Peter standing in the doorway.

His cheeks are red and his hands are shaking a little.

He’s nervous.

“Peter, love, are you alright?” I ask.

He gives me a half smile and he walks over slowly, his body language screaming nervousness.

“Peter?”

“I, uh, I have one more gift for you,” he says.

“Peter! This is already so much, please that’s enough,” I laugh and I stand up to hug him.

He hesitates before hugging me back and now I see how nervous he really is.

“Peter? What’s wrong?” I ask, noticing that his legs are shaking.

He looks away from me as he reaches into his pocket and gives me a small index card with the letter V written on it.

Oh.

I look up at him questionably and he rubs the back of his neck, his face slowly acquiring the color of the roses on the table.

“It’s um. I-I, uh,” Peter stumbles.

“I get it Peter, V-Card,” I look up at him and smile before kissing his chin and then his nose.

“It’s a very unique present, Peter,” I say as I lean closer to Peter and kiss him again. He places his hands gently on my hips.

I lean back and smile, “So I can cash this in anytime I want?” I ask.

His face reddens a little before he nods.

“How about right now?” I ask slowly, hoping he would get a hint and suggest something.

He looks at me in the eye for a few moments before breaking contact and looks down at his feet.

“I’ve got another surprise for you, love,” Peter says, reaching over to the counter and giving me the blindfold again.

I look at him suspiciously before putting the blindfold on again.

“Just trust me, Y/N,” Peter says softly. I relax a little and reach out to hold his hand as he leads the way.

I am assaulted with a barrage of smells as we turn into a room, where everything sounds slightly muffled, as if it’s filled with soft furniture. My feet brush against… rose petals? I smell my favorite scented candles as well as… Febreze. Lots of Febreze.

Dammit Parker why don’t you clean this house more often?

His hands leave my shoulders for a few seconds and I hear some shuffling around me, no doubt he’s cleaning up whatever’s been left strewn around his ro-

The blindfold falls off suddenly and I’m left shocked at the scene in front of me.

Though I’ve been in his room a million times before, I’ve never seen it this clea-

Romantic. It’s never been this romantic.

Everything’s been swapped or covered with a red velvet and the lights are off, leaving only the candles to light the room. A gasp  escapes my lips. Peter, who is in the process of furiously trying to shove what looks to be a red and blue suit into the closet, whips his head around, eyes wide open.

“It fell off? Shit, now I can’t badmouth the baddies anymore about their lousy knots… Anyways, surprise?” he tries with a tight smile.

God, he’s so adorable when stuff goes wrong.

“Peter… just ask me…”

“Well, I mean you don’t have to, but… I…” Peter tries to start but fails to finish his sentence as I

lean closer, until our noses are almost touching. We stay that way, looking into each other's’ eyes for a while.

“Hi,” Peter greets me.

“Are you going to kiss me yet?” I ask, slightly impatiently. Face redder, than the cushions, he does just that.

He makes the first move, turning his head and closing the space between us. My lips meet his, agonizingly slowly. His hands cup my face and pull me closer, and I return the kiss with a passion I didn’t know I had. Our lips locked, he pulls us down onto the bed. One of his hands finds its way into my hair while the other one grasps my neck. My own hands find their way under his shirt and around the back of his head. He bites my lip, accidentally, and I jerk back, not expecting the bite.

“Oh my god Y/N I’m so sorry oh my god are you okay oh my god are you bleeding?” he babbles, moving his head around to check my lips.

I quickly run my tongue over my lips to check for blood

“I’m okay, Peter.””

“Hi, okay, Peter, I’m Peter,” he quips back,not missing a beat.

I laugh at Peter lightly before pulling down his pants.

“W-Wait, Y/N, are- are- are you sure ab-”

I cut him off with a finger pressed to his lips.

“Shhhhhh. Yes, Peter. I am sure. Now shut up and let me make you happy,” I say, kissing his nose to reassure him.

“But, I want to make you feel good fir-” Peter tries to object but lets out a moan instead as I palm his member through his boxers.

I smile as I gently squeeze tighter and watch him throw his head back and moan a little louder. I then pull down his boxers as I eagerly snake down his body and watch as his member is freed from its restraints. I wrap my hand around it and give it a small pump, a little intimidated by his size, even though it’s not fully hard yet. I watch as small beads of precum leak from his head and roll down his shaft. Without a second thought, I lick along the underside of his cock, starting from the base all the way to the tip. I swirl my tongue around the head, lapping up the droplets of precum.

I hear Peter groan as I pull him into my mouth, inch by inch, using my tongue to lick him slowly and hollowing my cheeks to suck him deeper.

I smile to myself as I hear Peter curse and moan above me, I feel his hands in my hair as he caresses my face, urging me to continue.

I lean back and pump him a little more before sucking the head of his cock again.

“Fuck, Y/N,” Peter moans as I start to slowly take in as much of him as possible and pull back. The tip of his cock hits the back of my throat as I take him deeper and deeper. I pump his shaft at the base with my free hand as I begin to feel my panties dampening.

“Y/N, please slow down, I don’t want to cum yet,” Peter practically begs.

I look up at him and smile to myself as I let him go with a pop.

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down.

I take this opportunity to turn my back to him and take off my pants slowly. I bend over more than I have to so that I give him a good view of my ass. I can see his jaw drop in the mirror.

Pffft. He ain’t seen nothing yet.

My jeans join the not-so-well-hidden pile of dirty laundry in the corner. I lift my shirt slowly, especially around my chest, since I want him to see that I’ve “forgotten” my bra at home. I hear a sharp intake of breath as he realizes this. The shirt joins my pants and I’m left Stark™-naked except for my panties. I turn around to face him.

Are human even supposed to be that red?

He has a dumbfounded expression on his face that I’ve never seen before.

I laugh a little as I climb back onto the bed and kiss him.

He kisses me back after recovering from his shock. He flips me over so that I’m on my back.

He attacks my neck before traveling downward, past my exposed breasts leaving a trail of kisses past my stomach.

I moan loudly as he reaches my hips. He kisses all along the band of my panties and kisses my nether lips through the thin fabric.

I whimper as he hooks a finger into the elastic of my panties and pulls them down slowly. He leaves small bites on the inside of my thighs as he passes them. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the sodden article of clothing sail across the room in the general direction of the rest of my clothes. He works his way back up my legs, fingers ghosting the insides of my legs before parting them gently. His left hand grip the top of my right thigh as he uses his hand to spread my lips. I clutch the sheets as he dips a finger into my wet and aroused center. He smiles to me before scooting closer to my crotch, all the while making a “come hither” motion with his finger. His lips meet my other lips as his head comes down.

Within moments, his tongue finds my clit.

Has he done this before?

“I pay attention in sex ed, Y/N,” Peter jokes as my cheeks redden in the realization that I had said it out loud.

He chuckles a little bit before leaning in and kissing my thighs before sucking my clit again.

I moan loudly and clutch the sheets harder. I feel another finger join the first and his other hand moves up to hold my hips in place. I squirm and whimper as his tongue runs over my clit, lapping at the sensitive bundle of nerves. His fingers spread my opening  to give his tongue to my core. I shiver as his tongue moves in and out of my entrance.

“Ohh, fuck Peter…” I moan, willing him to go faster. He pulls his tongue out of me and he moves his two fingers again, thrusting faster than before.

His tongue moves back up to my clit and begins attacking the small nub at the top of my folds.

My moans become more incoherent as he continues to lick, suck, and lap at every single part of my most private area, leaving me a babbling mess.

As my walls begin to clench around his fingers, Peter speeds up his thrusting and ravages my clit harder as he feels me gets closer to the edge until he brings me over the edge. My back arches and my toes curl almost painfully as the immense pleasure of the orgasm wracks my body completely. I see stars as my eyes roll back into my head and a loud, breathy moan escapes my lips.

Peter sucks gently on my clit and slows his thrusting as the waves of euphoria roll over me, further intensifying the pleasure and prolonging my orgasm.

As the pleasure gently fades away, Peter kisses my clit, then kisses a trail up my stomach, stopping at my breasts. He licks each nipple, gently sucking on each one before moving on. He stops at my neck, planting a kiss there before moving his head up so that his eyes are level with mine.

“Do you want to go further?”

“No, Peter, I wanted to stop and talk about multi-variable calculus,” I deadpan, lacing as much sarcasm into my voice as possible.

He smiled devilishly and deadpanned right back, “It just so happened that I needed a little help with my calculus homework, can you help me integrate my natural log?”

I whack him softly with one of the red heart pillows on the bed. “I HATE YOU”

“No you don’t,”

He leans down to kiss me again before reaching over and grabbing a condom from the nightstand.

I laugh as he fails to open it before offering to help. He smiles at me gratefully as I put it on for him. I wrap my arms around his neck to pull him closer and kiss him.

I pull him down to the bed.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too, Peter,” I say as I guide his cock to my entrance.

I always thought I would be really nervous during my first time. But Peter made it comfortable. Peter slowly moved his hips forward and I gasped, not used to his size.

He’s bigger than I thought.

“Are you okay? Am I hurting you?” Peter asked nervously.

“No, it just feels kinda tight,” I say, trying to ease his nerves.

Peter continues to insert himself carefully. The pain fades away and it begins to feel pleasurable.

I moan a little and clutch Peter’s back as I quietly beg him to go faster.

Peter starts to thrust his hips at a moderately faster speed and I throw my head back and moan loudly, enjoying this new feeling beyond words.

Peter leans forward to kiss my neck making me mewl in pleasure as I move my arms around the back of his neck to pull his hair.

I kiss his neck and Peter groans loudly.

“Keep doing that and I am not going to last much longer,” Peter says as he leaves another hickey on my collar bone. He hastens his movements and starts thrusting harder.

“Maybe I don’t want you to,” I whisper breathily.

Peter straightens up and moves a hand down to my clit and rubs his thumb over it in quick, small circles, pushing me over the edge.

“Peter,” I moan before I see stars for the second time that night. As my walls clenched around his member, I felt Peter also reach his release, groaning loudly and burying his cock deep in my tunnel. His cock twitches and I feel the condom fill up as he releases his seed into me. He lies down, burying his face into the crook of my neck as he tries to slow his breathing. We lay like that for a while, both panting hard and coming down from our orgasms. After a few minutes, he pulls out slowly and kisses my face. I moan as he slides out, and I feel empty when he pulls out completely.

“You okay?” Peter asks.

“Mmm,” I respond, exhausted.

Peter laughs and goes to the bathroom to get rid of his condom. I whine, not wanting him to leave, but am too tired to go after him.

Peter comes back a few minutes later with a warm washcloth. He gently moves my legs to clean then before handing me one of his shirts and to wear.

I smile and put it on before lying back down on the bed and drifting off, murmuring, “I love you,” to Peter.

“Happy birthday, Y/N” is the last thing I hear before my reality fades into pleasant nothingness.

—-

Masterlist: x


Also follow me on Snap Chat @arfronamarvel if you want updates on what I am writing and which request I am working on.

Please spam me with headcannon requests :)

Power Rangers Living Together Headcanon

Created with the help of the lovely @catyz101 and the wonderful @vintagecarter go ahead and give them a follow please.

- Two years after the attack, when the rangers graduate highschool, they decide to build a house together in the mountains near the ship.

-When goldar went down billy managed to save a lot of gold
“Like my dad said, you find it you keep it”
Needless to say they’re fucking loaded.

-Kim and Trini adopted a cat courtesy of her brothers. The twins found him and managed to keep him for a week before their mom found out and he was sent to live with Trini.
“Take care of gato for us”
“Wait you named i-”
“GATO, is in great hands”

-The cat loves everyone but Zack and Jason. Every time the cat cuddles up to Billy “traitor” can be heard faintly whispered through the house.

-Zack goes to the kitchen at 1 in the morning and finds the cat just sitting there staring at him, they have a staring contest for two mintues until he slowly backs away back into his room.

-They rotate dinner every night. They all make something thats authentic to them but the weekends are take out nights. It an unspoken rule of the house

-Zack almost breaking his neck doing a double take on Trini leaving from Kim’s room in the early morning

-“ITS NOT A WALK OF SHAME IF ITS YOUR OWN HOUSE” Kim passing by headed to the kitchen “you are definitely doing the walk of shame babe.”
“KIMBERLY”

-Billy quietly comments from the back “why are you so surprised, thats the 5th time this week.”
“Billy, its tuesday”

- “Hello, yes, i found your number in the yellow pages i was calling to tell you that MY BEST FRIEND JUST GOT LAID also a large pizza please”

-Trini watches a novella one day outta habit, and suddenly Jason and Zack are addicted. “No, trini you cant change the channel we are watching that!”

-Kim puts pink hair dye in her shampoo to figure out who keeps using it. The culprit was Jason…… and Trini

-“Who the fuck put jello in the toilet”
“You see its not actually jello its this silicone-”
“BILLY?!”
“I’ll take it you’re upset with me….”

-Theyre the hardware stores best customer. The owner thinks they own a construction company. He is yet to be corrected

-One day the boys come back from the store early and hear a scream in the house. They all barge in too kims room and walk in on the girls.
“Oh my god GET OUT”
Billy closes his eyes and runs smack into the wall putting a hole in it while jason and Zack are running out dodging pillows.

-“Steve come here girl” “Zack we are not naming our dog Steve” “what about zordon?” “you wanna name my daughter after wall dad? How dare?” “you were about to name her Steve?!” “Personally i thik she looks like a Steve…” “Thank you billy”

-“Oh well if it isnt satan himself coming to visit my room when it does not belong here!” “Guys the cat isnt that bad”
“Billy do not speak on matters that do not concern you”

-“Who taught you savages to do the laundry?” “Trini relax.” “Relax? Jason, Isnt it bad enough my hair is pink but now my white tshirts are too because Zack put your shirts in with mine.”

-“Hey yellow, pink, your hell cat just attacked steve.”
“Do you dare slander my cats good name?! YOU CAN MEET ME IN THE PIT!!”

-They have color coded bath Towels. Zack likes to steal someone elses each week which isnt a problem until he struts out the bathroom in pink towels when Kim’s parents come to visit.

-“I know DAMN well i had last nights episode of Rupauls drag race recorded who DELETED IT?!?” “Sorry Zack that may have been me, but dont worry i have it recorded on my tv too” “Billy, you are my hero”

-Gato steals steves bed all the time and its the leading cause of argument in the house.

- “Satan’s spawn please, my daughters bed is too big for you and she cannot sleep in your small bed” hiss hiss “Okay that was rude” hiiiisss “TRINI! CONTROL YOUR SON AND GET HIM OUTTA MY DAUGHTERS BED RIGHT NOW”

-Fire alarm goes off at six in the morning. Multiple voices are heard screaming “KIM” from 4 seperate rooms

-She was just making toast.

SOME LESBIAN PIDGE HEADCANONS

Ya’ll been hitting me with that good lesbian pidge content so i’m gonna put more out there too.

• Pidge gets sUPER flustered around girls!!
• She’s only 14 and not super experienced?? So whenever a cute girl even talks to her she gets shy and blushy
• She isn’t super ready to start dating just yet but she just likes to remind everyone “man i love girls and i’m just!! A big lesbian! Just to remind everyone here!!”
• *rips off her sweater* “LESBIANS FOR LOCHNESS”
• When pidge gets a crush its super obvious to figure it out.
• She gets clumsy around them and messes up her words and probably accidentally broke one of her devices while talking to them.
• When everyone else finds out Pidge has a crush on someone they all flip out because “oh my god!! Our little sis has a crush!!”
• Lance would try to give her some flirting tips, but knowing Pidge, she obviously rejects that
• Lance: “oh my god do you wanna hear some advice?”
• Pidge: “I’d rather take my chances”
• Also pidge: “please i’m like 100x better at flirting with you, i could get 10 girlfriends in a week without your help!” *nervous laughter*
• Hunk would tease her but also give her some cliché advice that you hear in every show/movie
• Hunk: “ooo I knew you had a girlfriend”
• Hunk: “just be yoursel-”
• Pidge: “hunk I appreciate that but i’ve already heard that from like everything. Ever.”
• Keith: “i don’t know what else to say so…” *thumbs up* “good luck”
• Pidge: “wow thanks”
• Shiro would actually probably give her solid advice
• Shiro, *jokingly*: “if you want to succeed… don’t listen to lance’s advice about anything”
• Lance: “haven’t i been the only one who actually got kissed by a cute alien girl?”
• Pidge *softly*: “fuck, you’re right”
• Pidge also lowkey is jealous of Lance’s confidence around girls
• She just wishes she could be better socially tbh like she’s getting there but also- have you seen girls???

Thanks for reading please @ voltron fandom gimme that good lesbian pidge headcanons, art and fanfics.

SKAM S04E04 Clip 4 - The Best Of Islam

NOORA: What is this again? We’re here for my sake?
SANA: Yes, of course we’re here for your sake.
NOORA: Just to look at muslim boys and stuff.
SANA: Aren’t you tired of white boys now? I thought we had to get out, meet new types of people, see that there’s plenty of fish in the sea. You know what I mean?
NOORA: But you said muslim boys just use Norwegian girls.
SANA: It’s good that you’re converting to Islam, then.
NOORA: Don’t turn around now, okay? But are those boys looking at us?
SANA: How shouldl I see if they’re looking at us if I can’t turn around?
NOORA: Oh my God, they’re coming over!
SANA: Stay cool.
NOORA: Stay cool? I’m really fuckign cool! Hi there!
SANA: Hi!
NOORA: Hi.
BOY1: Can we sit here?
SANA AND NOORA: Yes, of course.
JONAS: It’s okay? Great!
SANA: Sit down!
NOORA: Hi! Yes, hi.
ALI: Ali.
NOORA: Noora.
ALI: Nice to meet you.
NOORA: Noora, it’s a pleasure.
SANA: Sana, it’s a pleasure.
ALI: Ali, it’s a pleasure.
JONAS: Jonas. It was sana?
SANA: Yes.

Keep reading

♡ valentine’s day starters, fluff edition
{ the angst edition is here! }
  • “you are so cheesy.”
  • “i didn’t know you were a romantic.”
  • “oh my god. i can’t believe you did this.”
  • “wait, let me get a picture!”
  • “you are absolutely ridiculous.”
  • “i have the perfect day planned out.”
  • “i made it myself.”
  • “i made it myself, which explains why it’s a little burnt.”
  • “i tried making it myself, but i figured food poisoning doesn’t make for a very good valentine’s day present.”
  • “has anyone ever told you that you have a funny idea of romantic?”
  • “where are we going to put a bear that big?”
  • “did i just hear a bark?”
  • “when you said you were planning something big, i didn’t expect it to be this big…”
  • “i told you you didn’t have to do anything!”
  • “this might be the happiest day of my life.”
  • “how did you know my favorite chocolate flavor?”
  • “help me find a vase for these flowers?”
  • “this holiday seems like the best opportunity to ask you out.”
  • “i know a place that sells hot chocolate with heart-shaped froth.”
  • “i want to make you this happy for the rest of your life.”
  • “is today a good day to say i think i love you?”
  • “i think i’m in love with you.”
  • “i love you.”
  • “i love you so much. you know that, right?”
  • “…that’s for me?”
  • “…are those flowers?”
  • “…i didn’t get you anything, though.”
  • “you didn’t have to.”
  • “you alone are enough.”
Hamilton Ship Proposals

Lams:

Alexander: *bends down on one knee*

Laurens:*gasp* Oh my god yes!

Alexander: What? I was just tying my shoe.

Laurens: Oh.

Alexander: By the way while I’m down here.

*Alexander pulls out a small box from his pocket*

Mullette:

Hercules: So um… I want to… ask you… I mean it’s okay if you say no… I will completely understand… But.. would you make me-

Lafayette: Stop right there, of course I’ll marry you.

Jeffmads:

Jefferson: Hey James, what was your last name again?

Madison: Thomas, we’ve known each other for a long time, you know that my last name is Madison.

Jefferson: *pulls out a small box and gets down on one knee* Ever thought about changing it?

` ° * ✧ ° RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS PT 2.

❛ I wish that I could tell you. ❜
❛ You should have stayed. ❜
❛ Please don’t come looking for me. ❜
❛ Just get out of here. ❜
❛ I don’t know, I just don’t know. ❜
❛ Why did you come? ❜
❛ Do you think this is a game? ❜
❛ Can’t break something that was already broke. ❜
❛ Don’t fix something that isn’t broke. ❜
❛ Why can’t you just butt out?
❛ I don’t need your help. ❜
❛ I’m not here for you. ❜
❛ You’re never here for me when I need you. ❜
❛ Is that smell you? ❜
❛ Can you please just stop already. ❜
❛ I’m leaving you. ❜
❛ I just didn’t want you to come around. ❜
❛ Are you sure you’re okay alone? ❜
❛ No, no, no, no —- I just checked it last night. ❜
❛ Don’t worry, you’ll learn how to do it someday. ❜
❛ I think we are going to like each other a lot. ❜
❛ I just wanted to come and let you know. ❜
❛ So, what are you going to do, now that you know? ❜
❛ You have got to be fucking kidding me right now. ❜
❛ Do me a favor and shut up already. ❜
❛ Scratch the serial number off of it. ❜
❛ I’m not wearing a mask. ❜
❛ You act like it’s all my fault sometimes. ❜
❛ I’m here for your pity party. ❜
❛ You are in a lot of trouble, you know that right? ❜
❛ You aren’t allowed in here. ❜
❛ Who invited you? ❜
❛ You aren’t wanted around here anymore. Sorry. ❜
❛ I can’t keep covering for you. What’s going on? ❜
❛ Just tell me what’s wrong! Talk to me! ❜
❛ There’s so many things I would’ve done differently. ❜
❛ Stop crying about it and do something about it. ❜
❛ Stop looking for the things worth dying over and find the things worth living for. ❜
❛ So, prove them wrong. Thats the best way to do it. ❜
❛ Don’t need anyone who doesn’t need me. ❜
❛ Yeah, well, we all have our sob story so just save it. ❜
❛ Don’t cry over me or for me, I’m not worth it. ❜
❛ It isn’t cheating if you aren’t actually dating. ❜
❛ You know what? That’s a good idea. ❜
❛ You need to find someome better already. ❜
❛ I’m not listening to your bullshit right now. ❜
❛ Is that a freaking condom? ❜
❛ It smells like sour milk in here for crying out loud. ❜
❛ Am I really standing here witnessing this right now? ❜
❛ I’m not a bad influence if it’s always your ideas. ❜
❛ I never forced you to do anything. ❜
❛ Are you really walking out on me? ❜
❛ Come near me again and I’ll blow your head off. ❜
❛ Treat me like the princess that I am. ❜
❛ Just remember a lot of guys want what I’m letting you do right now. ❜
❛ How can you possibly be in love with two people at the same time? ❜
❛ Let’s just get out of here. ❜
❛ Shhh, I’m going to key his/her car. ❜
❛ There’s no one even here. ❜
❛ I’m just saying, it sounds like a bad idea. ❜
❛ Is that blood on your shirt? ❜
❛ Oh my God, are you bleeding?! ❜
❛ Jesus, don’t you ever get tired of doing that. ❜
❛ You know they throw people in Asylum’s for doing that. ❜
❛ You’re just looking for trouble, like always. ❜
❛ Enough is never enough for you. ❜
❛ I could never get tired of this. ❜
❛ You’re so jumpy lately. ❜
❛ I mean I feel bad but whatever. ❜
❛ I have a reputation to maintain unlike you. ❜
❛ Why are you staring at me? ❜
❛ Stop feeding into his/her bullshit! Wake up! ❜
❛ Are you on drugs or something? ❜
❛ You have lost your fucking mind, once and for all. ❜
❛ Yes, you summoned me. ❜
❛ I’m not here to help you. I’m here to watch you struggle. ❜
❛ Hey, cut it out already! I can hear the stupid TV. ❜
❛ Are you seriously asking me this right now? ❜
❛ Have you ever tried to count the stars? ❜
❛ I should kill you right now! ❜
❛ Don’t you dare walk away from me! ❜
❛ I know where you live! Don’t forget! ❜
❛ I just wanted to have a good time but no, you couldn’t let me, could you? ❜
❛ This friendship has officially sunk, hope you’re happy. ❜
❛ Are you satisfied now? You should be. This is what you wanted. ❜
❛ I don’t get everything that I want unlike you. ❜
❛ Must be nice to be that miserable all the time. ❜
❛ Happiness is the most temporary thing in life. ❜
❛ Everything happens for a reason, right? ❜
❛ You can call me at any hour. Always. ❜
❛ There’s nothing that I can’t do. ❜
❛ You’re like a forty year old, like an old soul or something. ❜
❛ Say it or I’ll cut your finger off. ❜
❛ I will stab you right in the eye if you look at me one more time. ❜
❛ Go ahead and look but don’t touch, unless you want a broken limb. ❜
❛ I’m actually a serial killer. I’m not joking. ❜
❛ You have such a morbid sense of humor. ❜
❛ This is our time, come on, let’s have our time. ❜
❛ Hey, want a hand with that? ❜
❛ I almost forgot what that felt like. ❜
❛ I just want to feel something. I don’t know what though. ❜
❛ I need your help with something. ❜
❛ I’m pissed off right now. ❜
❛ Don’t go breaking my heart. ❜
❛ Why do you build me and watch me fall? Is that fun for you? ❜
❛ Well, I’m used to it by now, so take your best shot. ❜
❛ I hate crying. It makes me mad. ❜
❛ I really don’t want to be seen with you right now. ❜
❛ Please, just don’t forget. Whatever you do. Don’t forget. ❜
❛ You can’t catch me though. ❜
❛ I know I said fucked up things and I’m sorry. ❜
❛ Look, I’m an asshole. I don’t mean be to be. ❜
❛ I’ll try not to be an asshole anymore. ❜
❛ Any pocket knives or anything? ❜
❛ Where’d you go? ❜
❛ I’m going to turn myself in. ❜
❛ Did you finish your cigarette yet? ❜
❛ You can turn around and face the other way. ❜
❛ It wasn’t worth it, was it? ❜
❛ I have no idea what you said. ❜
❛ Right now, you’re acting very weird. ❜
❛ I don’t even know what that statement means. ❜
Harry Potter and His Complete Lack of Shower Etiquette.

Harry tossed his uniform over the back of the sofa as he flicked open the top few buttons of his shirt and entered the kitchen to get himself a long drink of water. He was hungry; Draco had already ordered Chinese. The take-out containers sat on the table, neatly arranged in the centre under a Stasis, with two plates, forks and the paper-wrapped chopsticks laid out ready. 

But it was a sudden craving for something cold and sweet that hit him and after pointlessly digging around in the freezer for a few seconds, he gave up and went looking for his boyfriend. He could hear the shower running now, as he walked further into the flat and the muffled humming that seemed strangely magnified as it echoed off the wet tiles. 

The bathroom door was ajar and Harry elbowed his way in. Draco was a long, blurred form in the tub behind the curtain, his hands in his hair as he lathered. He hummed the chorus of the song for a fifth time - he was pants at memorising the rest of the lyrics.

Snorting softly, Harry curled his fingers around a fistful of the damp curtain and pushed it aside with a careless, “Hey, are we out of–”

But his question was drowned out at Draco’s vague humming morphed into a severely high-pitched shriek as he turned around to face Harry, both hands flying down between his legs to cover his bits. Sweet smelling suds of shampoo ran down the sides of his face and his hair was sticking up in wet bunches. The shower was still running, pouring onto his shoulder and back, the steam rising around him like a cloud. His eyes were huge and round with shock and his mouth was open in a scream that went on and on. 

He was frankly completely adorable.

“Stop screaming.” Harry rolled his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Draco, it’s just me. Are we out of ice cream? I saw a tub in there last week–”

“GET OUT!” Draco shrieked, lifting one hand to violently point a soapy finger towards the door, spattering Harry with streaks of apple scented water. “YOU ILL-MANNERED WRETCH! GET OUT!”

“Oh my god, I fucked you in here only this morning!” Harry reminded him incredulously. “I’ve seen you naked literally every single fucking day for over three yea–”

“HARRY, I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FUCKING EYE!” Draco bellowed, eyes bulging manically, hands curled into fists. “I HATE YOU! GET OUT! GET OUT!–”

“Fine!” Harry was already backing away. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered under his breath as he exited the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind himself so that the continued screams of have you no sense of propriety whatsoever and how is it that I’ve ended up with a shamelessly indecent, completely uncouth piece of shit like you faded away to muffled screaming coupled with the steady gush of the shower.

Harry laughed for a whole ten minutes.

(Insp.)

Friends who get into trouble sentence starters
  • “I called someone to bail us out last time. It’s your turn.”
  • “We probably shouldn’t do this.”
  • “See you say it’ll be fine? But, something tells me it won’t be.”
  • “Okay, but they are gonna be so pissed when they see what we did to this place.”
  • “We probably shouldn’t have tried to surf on the mattress down the stairs..”
  • “I can’t believe we just prank called him/her. What are we like twelve?”
  • “Let’s just tell them that the dog did it.”
  • “I’m picking the lock. But, I just realized that I’m not a detective and this is a hair pin I found in my glovebox.”
  • “Do you think that alarm means that we’re caught?”
  • “I’ll fill the bucket with water and you distract him/her while I dump it on their head.”
  • “This is exactly what we need–a  night out. Let’s go crazy!!”
  • “Honestly, I think the car looks better after we crashed it.”
  • “I rang this guy/girls doorbell and ran away really fast??? And they found me.”
  • “Why is there a giant teddy bear wearing lingerie in my bath tub?”
  • “Oh my god, why is there an unconscious man/woman on the floor?!”
  • “We were supposed to be cooking. But, it looks like a murder occurred in here.”
  • “We broke the window. I think someone is going to notice.”
  • “I can’t believe we’re trying to climb through a window to get back a pair of your panties/underwear.”
  • “Shh, they’ll hear us. This is a terrible idea. You are lucky I love you.”
  • “That cop did not find it as funny as we did.”
  • “I told you not to hum the law and order theme song while we were being given a speeding ticket!!”

life-death-thepursuitofhappiness  asked:

Oh my God please if you have any please present your pining!Lance headcanons

  • Lance gets flustered around Keith because of The Crush which makes him louder and more obnoxious, which then makes Keith get defensive and annoyed and 2+2=4 so here we are with the bickering, u know the drill
  • He makes a point to be more and more flirty every time they meet new aliens or save someone just so that Keith thinks he’s like this all the time and won’t be weirded out when Lance throws an arm around Keith’s shoulder and drops a dumb pickup line
    • Keith thinks he’s joking
    • Narrator: Lance was not joking
  • Lance refers to his crush on Keith as “the Plague” when he’s ranting about it to Hunk and Pidge
    • the rants usually consist of Lance saying how dumb Keith’s hair is and “who stands with their arms crossed all the time like what is that about like wow okay calm down Edgelord we get it you have a knife”
    • Hunk: can this still be considered a crush if all you talk about is the things you hate about him
  • Lance does not hate Keith’s hair
    • he has had daydreams about Keith laying his head on his lap and running his fingers through it and making small braids in it like he used to do for his sisters and nieces
  • He’s lowkey-highkey obsessed with the way Keith smells 
    • not in a creepy way but like a “Keith just walked by as Lance was taking a breath at the exact same moment and he smells spicy and minty but its soft and it’s really addictive” way
  • The first time Lance has a dream about Keith, he wakes up in a sweat and rips off his eye mask and lies there staring at the ceiling then scrunches his face up and grabs his pillow and tries to suffocate himself
  • Lance gets nervous training against Keith in the training room because watching how fluidly Keith moves and hearing him pant from the workout and watching his shirt get damp with sweat does Things to Lance’s stomach and his arms always get wibbly and the poles they train with sometimes just fall out of Lance’s hands when Keith pushes his bangs back off his forehead and wow how did that happen
  • The more time they spend together, the more comfortable Keith gets with Lance and their rapport becomes more jokes than just competitive challenges and there’s a night where they both end up in the main control room talking about the stories they know about the constellations they used to see back on Earth
    • Lance gets quiet because he gets that hollow ache in his chest again that he gets whenever he thinks about Earth and his family and Keith notices and gently bumps their shoulders together and says “hey, you get to name this one” and points out the big window
    • thats how they spend the rest of the night, naming constellations they’re passing and making up stories and shapes inside of them and eventually they both fall asleep with their heads on each other’s shoulders
Tease (M)

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: one shot, angst, fluff and a little bit of smut

Word Count: 3,298

Request: for @shesdreaminginoverdose :  Hi author-nim can I request 33 with Baekhyun fluff and a bit smut (*´艸`*) 

Summary: (33- “Bite me” “If you insist.”) Ever since you moved next door to Baekhyun, you have been the victim of his teasing and you had enough. 

A/N: Hey everyone, this is my first one shot from the prompt list I posted a couple days ago. I will try to post the other requests soon (btw I didn’t proofread so sorry if there are any mistakes). Enjoy!

Part 1, Part 2

Originally posted by littlebyuns


You run into school late, your hair everywhere and your breathing rigid. It’s your first time being late, your alarm clock not ringing for some reason.

Thankfully, you get to class before the teacher arrived. You walk into the chaotic classroom full of rowdy students talking, laughing, and throwing things around. You walk to your seat in the front of the classroom, planning on just studying when suddenly a body steps in front of you.

“Hey Y/N,” smirks Baekhyun.

You roll your eyes, not wanting to deal with him so early in the morning. “Move Baekhyun.”

Keep reading

Touch and Go (Part 2)

Summary: All you wanted was a one night stand, something you could walk away from without complicating things. You got quite the opposite. 

Word Count: 1,093

Part 1

A/N: I really love love this part! Hope you all do, too! Lmk!

Originally posted by thefandomlifenerd


Sun poured into the room as it situated right in front of your window. Groaning loudly, you regretted having forgotten to close the thick curtains last night. That was the only thing you had disliked about your apartment when you had first moved in, the fact that the bedroom window faced east and the sun was your mortal enemy in the morning.

Grabbing the nearest pillow, you covered your head and closed your eyes tightly. You could already feel a headache coming in and there was an ache in your bones, a soreness that only came after a good night of getting some.

The face of the man from last night came into your mind and you smiled despite your sleepiness. He was handsome, sexy, and quite knowledgeable where it counted. That had been one of the best laids of your life. Turning on your back, you took your time to open your eyes, finally looking around your room.

It was empty.

He had left.

Keep reading

BTS Reaction | Being caught having sex by other members

You getting caught having sex with one of them by the other members >.<

Kim Seokjin

Originally posted by softykook

“Baby you’re so beautiful” he purred as his hands roamed your behind, enjoy the view of you bent over for him.

“Jin…” you muttered, the feeling of his still inside you was too much torture to fandom

The man behind you chuckled as he felt your hips wigling against him, trying to get him to move

“You’re so demanding, kitten” he purred as he slowly pulled out of you, causing you to moan

Your eyes widen as Jin started thrusting into you, his member filling you up entirely. You felt your release roaming closer and closer, but right before you were about to beg for more, you both stopped.

“Hyung have you OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY.”

Your cheeks flamed up as you heard your boyfriend chuckling at Jimin’s intrusion

“I swear we’re going to ruin these boys” he chuckled before he moved slightly to get you back in the mood

Kim Namjoon

Originally posted by btspicsdaily

“Come here baby girl” Namjoon smirked as he pats his thigh, his back resting comfortably against your bed headboard

You crawled towards him slowly, reveling at how hungry his eyes seemed to you. As you straddled his naked body your hands reached for his cock, pumping it a few times before easing yourself on it. Namjoon’s hands grasped your ass as he started lifting you up and down enjoying the moans that left your mouth.

He watched you carefully as you tried to move quicker, his hands stopping you from doing so and he chuckled as you groaned in annoyance.

“Be patient baby” he smirked, but before he could start giving you what you wanted Taehyung opened the door

“Hey, Joon did you- FUCK.”

You stilled your moves on Namjoon, your eyes wild as you processed what just happened

“Joonie he saw me…” you muttered, embarrassment raging on your face

“Then I’ll just beat the memory out of him later baby girl” he groaned as he thirst into you roughly, trying to get you to forget it too

Min Yoongi

Originally posted by jiminwhyyougotnojams

“Yoongi please” you pleaded, your voice slightly muffled from you face being pressed against the couch’s cushion

“Please what bunny?” He smirked as his hands kneaded your ass

“I need you…”

Yoongi chuckled darkly as he pounded into you, stopping after just one thrust

“Ask again, baby…” he purred

“Yoongi please just fuck me already.”

And now he was all for it. As your boyfriend started pounding into you, you moaned loudly, your mind completely blocking out the sound of the front door opening

“Yoongi let’s play some vid- oh god.”

Your head whipped back to find Hoseok completely frozen in place. But Yoongi wasn’t having it, “HOBI I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.”

You saw Hobi curse before he quickly closed the door, and a naked Yoongi going after him

Jung Hoseok

Originally posted by 94seokk

“Faster Hobi” you moaned as your head hung from the foot of your bed 

Hoseok smirked at your demands, his hips complying and bringing even louder moans from you. 

“Tell me what else baby” he smirked as he waited to hear your voice again 

“More…” you breathed

Hoseok always did that, he loved hearing you talk dirty to him, even though you were usually embarrassed about it. Having you say such lewd things during sex was one of his biggest turn ons, and he would never waste a second without asking for it. 

“More what princess?” 

But someone beat you to it. “We all know what Hoseok, can you just get over with it?” Yoongi shouted from outside your room 

As you cheeks flamed up, Hobi stilled inside you, a loud laugh coming from his mouth 

“Oh god (Y/N) I’m so sorry, this is just too funny” he exited your body to hold his stomach from his laughter

Park Jimin

Originally posted by dearvmon

“What was that?” he smirked as he looked down at you 

“More…” you moaned, only a little louder this time 

“Baby your moans are so hot” Jimin grunted as he thrust into you harder, earning, even more, moans from you. 

Jimin straightened his back, leading your leg to his shoulder so that he could pound into your in a different angle, but before he could even enjoy his dominating position further, the door burst open. 

“Minnie have you seen- Oh god I’m so sorry!” Jin closed the door as soon as he opened it, but in a flash Jimin was already away from your body, laying beside you with widened eyes 

“Use protection!” you could hear Jin shouting before his footsteps faded in the distance. 

You looked towards Jimin, your cheeks so red with embarrassment to you couldn’t even mutter a word 

“That was so embarrassing…” you boyfriend groaned as his eyes closed, earning a giggle from you

Kim Taehyung

Originally posted by jimin-bts-trashs

“Come on baby, say it louder” Tae smirked as he watched you squirming under him, trying to hold in your moans 

You shook your head at his request. Although no one was home when you arrived you knew all too well how big the chances of one of the boys been home was. They were always walking in and out, but your boyfriend never seemed to care 

“Will I have to make you shout my name?” he purred in your ears as his chest leaned on your back, his hands holding your hips up to meet his 

Before you could even answer he thrust into you hard, earning a well-deserved moan from you. He smirked as he got what he wanted, his cock pounding into you as it erased all doubts from your mind. You closed your eyes from the pleasure, but as soon as you heard it your eyes were widening.

“Fuck you Taehyung!” Jungkook shouted from outside your door 

Taehuyng slapped your ass before gripping it tightly, bringing your hips to meet his thrust, making your eyes white with pleasure 

“Did I tell you to stop moaning?” he smirked

Jeon Jungkoon

Originally posted by bangtanofarmys

Jungkook pulled at your nipples, earning another moan from you. Your head rung back as you rocked your hips back and forth, your sloppy moves telling your boyfriend that you needed help. 

“Come on baby, you can do it” he purred as he watched you struggle to ride you 

“Kookie pleease” you pleaded, you were just too sensitive. 

As Jungkook’s hands met your ass a sense of relief flooded through you. You knew that he was about to help you, and it would feel amazing. But before he could even move your body, you both stopped. 

“Kook why are you so lou… Oh” Taehyung chuckled as he closed the door after a very rude interruption. 

But your burning cheeks didn’t find the situation funny. A sudden moan left your mouth as Jungkook thurst up into you. 

“Kookie… Taehyung saw-” you tried, your blush still prominent on your face 

“Focus on me bunny, I’m the one who’s cock you’re riding” he smirked as his hands pulled you down to meet his hips.