oh my god everything

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4,000 followers special post!

Jeez, that number skyrocketed within the last few days! As always, I love each and every one of you. I’m shocked that I have this many people that like and support this little blog of mine. When I started, I barely expected to get over 40 followers. Now I have 4,000 and it hasn’t even been a full year! I hope you all have a wonderful day and enjoy these preening cuties.

Thank you for being you <3

7 times Victor Nikiforov was extremely gay for his fiance and it showed on his face

7. The “my boyfriend just made puppy eyes at me so I decided to give him my soul, my body, and the whole world” look.

6. The “this boy is so cute and perfect I want to squeeze his cute little body and kiss his face but since I can’t kiss his face I’m going to settle with squeezing his perfect body everytime I get while I scream internally” look.

5. The “ZOMFG DID HE JUST BLEW A KISS AT ME?? DID YOU SEE THAT??? OMG I THINK I JUST DIED A LITTLE” look.

4. The “I’m at the point of no return nobody save me i’ll die happily in the arms of this wonderful boy” look. 

3. This one needs a gif. The “somebody hold me right now this boy is too cute for this world too beautiful omg what’s happening what is this feeling inside of me ***It Must Be Love playing in the background***” look. 


2. The “I saw him already this morning we woke up in the same bed and everything but oh my god Yuuri there you are why did you took so long nevermind I’m so glad you are here I’m so happy to see you again run to my arms my beautiful fiance” look. 

1. The “literally dying from proud I am, how much I love this wonderful, perfect boy, how happy I am to see him triumph and how unbelievably lucky I am to be engaged to him” look. 

Things to keep in mind WRT: Joey WLW subtext and her conversation with Xefros

The year is 1994 in Joey’s universe.

In 1994, LGBT issues were almost universally kept completely hushhush from kids. For example, “Ellen” was taken off TV and cancelled after Ellen DeGeneres came out, in 1998.

Even in the 2000′s, while great strides were made in open conversation about LGBT issues, I remember it was still VERY taboo to even acknowledge as existing. I was in high school through 2006-2010 and people would still whisper the word “gay” under their breath.

In the 90′s, the internet wasn’t really a thing. You had online bulletin boards that would take 2 hours to get onto and often forbade any talks of politics, sexuality, or the like. The only place you could find information on LGBT topics was the library, in old encyclopedias possibly from the 70′s classifying homosexuality as a mental disease, IF (and big IF) you could find anything at all. 

This persisted even into the early 2000′s. It improved somewhat during what I call the Forum Renaissance wherein everyone had their own more or less functioning web forum and were free to write whatever they wanted in whatever context they liked without having to cowtow to a company’s rules, but that didn’t start until around 2003 on.

Now back to Joey. 1994. Joey seems to live in a small town, with very little of a social ring (just her brother’s friends, apparently), and therefore very limited access to information.

Joey is 14 years old, clearly having trouble at school from her diary entries, and clearly very, very lonely. Joey, like many young WLW, particularly young lesbians (although not limited to just lesbians, of course), doesn’t seem to realize that being attracted to women is even an option.

This is a concept that resonates completely with me, in fact. I didn’t realize I didn’t have to force myself to like boys until I MET someone who was in a relationship with someone of the same gender. However EVEN THEN I still tried, because I was 13, and struggling, and wanted to be liked, and very very very afraid of how people would see me because I was already being bullied and just added fuel to the fire.

Joey’s questioning of Xefros actually echoes a conversation I, in fact, had once. Her quiet contemplation right afterwards is really telling.

Joey hadn’t realized, until this moment, that being in a relationship with someone of the same gender was an option. Joey’s life has been one of sheltered heteronormativity.

She accepted it very quickly. Now she can blossom. Maybe she’ll have a Thing with Xefros. Who knows? I sure don’t. Perhaps Joey is bi. Perhaps Xefros and she will become moirails. WHO KNOWS.

All I know is, her being a WLW is not subtext. At this point, it’s blatantly Text. I do believe Joey is a great realistic WLW character as well, and one that young struggling WLW might be able to relate to if they’re going through the same things as she is.

I know I related to her a lot. She reminds me of me at that age.

This is not Hiveswap’s team being homophobic or what-the-fuck-ever, and it certainly isn’t ‘qu**rbaiting’. It’s literally being realistic for the era, and I have full faith that they WILL address these issues people have over the course of the continuing story. A young LGBT character is allowed to question themselves and society on their own time. That’s part of what makes Joey so realistic.

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니가 알던 내가 아냐 (I’M NOT THE PERSON YOU USED TO KNOW)

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SECRET SESSIONS LONDON - MY STORY💕

13/10/17 (aka THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE)

okay so where do I begin…WOW.
okay so… on Monday October 3rd at 10:25pm, I was sitting on my phone in my room listening to holy ground and I was on twitter and BOOM. “TAYLOR NATION SENT YOU A DIRECT MESSAGE” I STARTED SHAKING AND CRYING WHEN I READ THE CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE I WAS SO CONFUSED BECAUSE THEY DONT EVEN FOLLOW ME (yes I’m still trying to work out technology ok) AND I FLIPPED OUT AND I RAN INTO MY MOMS ROOM SOBBING AND I TRIPPED OVER THE HOOVER BUT ITS OKAY. MY MOM WAS SAYING ALL SORTS OF THINGS LIKE SOMEONE MAY HAVE HACKED INTO TAYLOR NATIONS ACCOUNT (?????? idk). Anyway I died and my mind was a mess and I couldn’t control myself at all, I had knew what it usually meant when people got these messages and I explained everything to my mom ( she is genuinely worst-case-scenario-Christine ) and she started crying with happiness for me. THAT DAY WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED.

The next day October 4th at 5:27pm, I was (trying) to study when BOOM. I RECEIVED THE CALL. Ali phoned and told me about a special secret event on Friday the 13th of October and I was shaking so so much and could barely even talk but she was honestly the nicest ever (I noticed she said “wonderful” about a million times and I’m now so in love with that word). Side note: My mom still wasn’t really convinced this wasn’t a set up to get me kid napped but SHE FINALLY CALMED DOWN A LITTLE AND MEANWHILE I WAS SHAKING, CRYING AND BASICALLY DEAD.

Okay so then it was the waiting game…the days DRAGGED in as I found out a whole 10 DAYS before the event and I saw Taylor lurk people on tumblr/Instagram AND she liked the post about me and my best friend Eve. PEOPLE WERE ALSO TALKING ABOUT WHAT COULD HAPPEN ON THE 13TH AND I WAS JUST SITTING THERE LIKE HELP ME WHATS GON HAPPEN.

Fast forward to Friday…so because I live in Glasgow I had to fly to London… I COULDNT SLEEP AT ALL AND I ONLY GOT 4 HOURS SLEEP LOL BECAUSE I GOT UP AT 4AM. We went to the airport and I was genuinely so nervous and excited about what could possibly be happening. We then got a bus and then a tube and wandered about Covent Garden and EVERYTHING kept reminding me of Taylor. We then got a tube and another bus ( NUMBER 13 ) to our hotel. I got really stressed out because I opened up my case and there was makeup spilt on my dress BUT MY MOM CAME TO THE RESCUE AND FIXED IT FOR ME. I curled my hair and fixed myself up then I went to out to the secret meeting point and recognized so many people from tumblr/twitter etc and it was SO surreal. ALSO A FEW PEOPLE CAME UP TO ME AND WERE LIKE OMG ABBIE I KNOW YOU AND THAT MADE ME FEEL SO SO SPECIAL SO I LOVE YOU FOR THAT IF THAT WAS YOU. We checked in and got really cool wristbands saying United Kingdom (IN THE REPUTATION FONT) I WAS ALREADY DEAD.

We went to drop off our bags and me and I met 2 beautiful, amazing girls called Emma ( @taylorsmusic ) and Flora ( @spoookyswift ) and we were FREAKING OUT TOGETHER. We just couldn’t comprehend that we could potentially meet our idol. We talked about everything and I genuinely think I have 2 new best friends for life. I LOVE YOU GUYS. We were on the last bus to leave so we waited foreverrrr and my nerves were building up so much and I was FULL ON ALL OVER SHOOK.

Everyone on the bus was SO EXCITED and we were all dying together. It was such a combination of nerves and excitement like I can’t even describe it. So we FINALLY arrived at our secret destination and were escorted to the entrance to be searched etc (there was a big box of socks for some reason and it made us laugh so just thought I’d add that in and also a few half finished smart water bottles👀).

Okay so then we went through to TAYLORS HOUSE. It was beautiful and there was so much food laid out and I had a REPUTATION COOKIE and CUSTOMIZED REPUTATION M&MS and CHICKEN TENDERS. Taylors playlist of the songs she loves was playing in the background and we were LOVING LIFE. (Side note: my mom loved the olives you put out taylor so thanks for that) So basically me, Emma and Flora were chilling together (we were not chill at all tho) and everything was fine THEN Flora goes “oh my god, that’s Scott” AND IM LIKE WTF AND WE ALL LOOK OVER AND DIE LIKE WHAT WAS HAPPENING BEFORE OUR VERY EYES THE KING OF GUITAR PICS WAS HERE. We went and spoke to more amazing people and life was good…THEN TREE COMES THROUGH AND IM LIKE WHATATSTSS THATS A LEGEND THEN NOT LONG AFTER THAT WE SEE ANDREA AND WE ALL DIED. I CRIED WHEN I SEEN ANDREA IDK WHY IT JUST GOT TOO MUCH AND SHES MY QUEEN. IT GENUINELY FELT LIKE A DREAM LIKE SURELY THIS WAS NOT REAL.

Finally, after a while, we went through to THE LIVING ROOM. YES. A CHAIR. A SPEAKER. WE ALL KNEW WHAT THIS WAS. ME, EMMA AND FLORA HAD A LITTLE SUPPORT NETWORK GOING ON BECAUSE WE WERE ALL HOLDING HANDS BECAUSE WE WERE NOT PREPARED AT ALL. I cried - yeah she wasn’t even here yet and I cried. So anyway THEN I’m like I can’t even do this and my heart is beating abnormally fast. And that’s when she appeared…

I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. MY ANGEL. MY EVERYTHING. GENUINELY LIKE A METER AWAY. NO WAY. Okay so then I SOBBED even more and I was uncontrollable (I finally did calm down but omg it was so hard I couldn’t stop crying) - thank you Emma and Flora for helping me LOL. Side note: her hair was so curly and pretty and she wore this camo dress thing and SNAKE BOOOOOOTS and a snake ring and yeah I was like GO GURLLL. IN THAT MOMENT I DIED IT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

On to the album, obviously you guys understand I can’t say much at all BUT REPUTATION IS MY FAVOURITE ALBUM BY FARRRRR. Like it’s genuinely so different but so genius - it’s incredible. She’s so talented and you can tell she’s worked so super hard for it and I can tell she’s happier than ever through the way she talks and she just seems so content with life and it makes me so proud and happy of how far she’s came. It’s so emotionally complex and THE LYRICS (she’s a genius okay). But there was one song that made me full on SOB and everyone in that room felt something…ANYWAY Taylor herself, during the whole of the session, she was so funny and she’s just so genuine…it was unreal. UNREAL. Some highlights that stand out to me include when during one of the songs she looked right at me for about 20 seconds or so and we just danced and smiled at each other. IVE NEVER FELT SO LOVED IN MY LIFE. To say I’m proud of her for this album is an understatement.

okay so then….IT WAS MEET AND GREET TIME. We were all sitting reading the magazines and talking to each other and it was adorable and even though I was a nervous wreck, everyone was so nice and amazing towards me. When it was time for the picture I was at the waiting point I can’t tell you how I felt. It was indescribable. I seen the 2 girls before me hug Taylor goodbye and it was my turn. I ran up to her and hugged her so hard and she looked at me and went “ITS ABBIE ISNT IT?” AND I WAS NODDING AND I WAS LIKE YEAH ITS ME and she was like “NO WAY I CHOSE YOU LIKE A YEAH AGO LIKE SOOOO LONG AGO” and I was like NO WAY and then I was like “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOUVE HELPED ME THROUGH, YOU’VE HONESTLY GOT ME THROUGH SO MUCH” and she was listening so intently and she smiled at me and hugged me and we held hands for a few seconds which was BEAUTIFUL and she was like “you are SO beautiful like SO beautiful and you are SO funny like you’re posts are hilarious” and I started shaking and I told her she was like a big sister to me and then we got a really cute huggy picture and then we got one with my mom which was cute and THEN (THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST MOMENT) the camera guy said to my mom “do you want a pic alone with her” and my mom was like “oh it’s okay I’m just her mom” and TAYLOR WAS LIKE" OH WELL THANKS" IT WAS SO FUNNY. THEN I told her I loved her and she was like I LOVE YOU BUDDY and I gave her one final hug before I left which was MAGICAL (I swear we hugged about 27468273 times).

As soon as I left the room, I BURST INTO TEARS I COULDN’T BELIEVE I HAD JUST MET MY IDOL AFTER LIKE 6 YEARS OF LOVING HER AND FANGIRLING OVER HER. My mom went to talk to mama swift and she said to her “thank you so much for making a beautiful, amazing role model for my daughter” and mama swift was like AWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH THEN MY MOM GAVE HER A HUG AND THEN I GAVE HER A HUGE HUG AND MAMA SWIFT WAS LIKE THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING HER AND DOING THE CRAZY THINGS SHE MAKES YOU DO AND I CRIED MORE.

WE THEN WENT TO GET OUR MERCH AND GET ON THE BUS AND I WAS GENUINELY STARSTRUCK AND ME AND EMMA JUST KEPT LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND BEING LIKE DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?!?!?!

Taylor,
Thank you so so so much for inviting me to your London Secret Session - it was an HONOR to be there. I can’t believe I was given such a beautiful, amazing opportunity and I meant everything I said to you in there and it truly came from the heart. I love you so much and I can’t wait to hopefully see you on tour. You mean the world to me and I can’t wait to hear reputation again and DIE ANOTHER MILLION DEATHS.
I love you so much girl.

Abbie x @taylorswift