oh my god do we try

for @dreamingcellardoor, because it’s all her fault.  oh my god.

Sass Verse, Edward’s new daughter Emily. 1st->8th grade.

Emily moved to New York just before she started first grade.  The whole family: Father, Mother (Anne) and Mama (Mary), lived in the attic suite of Uncle Desmond’s house because, as Father liked to put it:

‘Your stupid brother needs to be supervised.’

but Mother said,

‘Haytham’s going to have a baby.  Do me a favor and try not to have any babies when you’re nineteen.’

and Mama said,

‘I don’t think we’ll be here for very long; they’re just doing some paperwork.’

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I AM SICK OF THE SAME OLD SMUT IN FANFICS

I’m tired of smut just being porn star worthy, professional, distant fucking

give me fic smut where the characters are new and awkward and ‘oh my god am I doing this right?’ and 'no, oh my fuck you don’t put it there’

give me fic smut where the characters are crying but not like 'that’s good dick’ crying or 'shit that hurts’ crying but rather 'oh my god I love this person more than life and we’re so close right now’ crying, gimme some of that full out bawling

give me fic smut where it’s all a joke and they’re doing anything they can to purposefully kill the mood just to make the other one laugh

give me fic smut where they’re trying things out and maybe things don’t go as planned but they keep going anyway and have a good time

give me fic smut where the characters are literally teasing each other the whole time, but not like sexually teasing but more like insults that are their way of flirting like 'ow you bit my tongue, nice going you clumsy asshole’ and 'fuck you, I made you spaghetti and this is the thanks I get?’

give me fic smut where they laugh, be it because one of them did something funny/embarrassing or because they’re just happy????

like can people in smut fics be more than attracted to each other and not just sex machines with their only priority being fucking???

youtube

“It’s pretty clear who ruined America - white people. I guess ruining Brooklyn was just a dry run. The Caucasian nation showed up in droves to vote for Trump, so I don’t want to hear a god damn word about black voter turnout. How many times do we expect black people to build our country for us?

Holy shit, and don’t try to distance yourself from the bad apples and say ‘it’s not my fault, I didn’t vote for him #NotAllWhitePeople.’ Shush shush shuuuuushhhhh. If Muslims have to take responsibility for every member of their community, then so do we. And oh, that does feel awful.” 

- Samantha Bee

7

Sam: “hey Y/N, my love for you is like my hair: it just keeps growing and growing”

Y/N: “sammy, what’s happening….. What are you talking about?”

Dean: “nice try Sammy but what Y/N needs is something more straightforward. So what do you say Y/N, how about we exorcise our demons tonight?”

Y/N: “oh god it’s valentine’s day today isn’t it”

Castiel: “I’m not entirely sure what a valentine is but please consider fulfilling this position for me”

Y/N: “Cas not you too!”

Gabriel: “don’t worry Y/N but I need your help”

Y/N: “if this is one of those stupid pick up lines….”

Gabriel: “no no, but Y/N you’re the only fix for my sweet tooth”

Y/N: “I got to admit that one was pretty good”

Crowley: “wait till you hear mine”

Y/N: “I think I heard enough today”

Crowley: “ah come on Y/N, I deserve to be loved”

Lucifer: “if you get tired of these idiots you could always sacrifice yourself to me”

Y/N: “you guys are insufferable”

Dean: “only for you Y/N. Now let’s gonna get you some pie”

A Druid's Guide on How to Upset the DM (And Make Your Party Love/Fear You)

Context: We’re trying to rest in an evil corrupted forest when part way through the night we’re rudely woken up by four saber-toothed tigers.

Druid: [first turn] Um, my turn right? Uh, I’m gonna try Conjure Animals. [never casted this spell before]

DM: Okay, what do you summon?

Druid: I summon… Eight… wolves. Eight wolves.

DM: [not prepared] Oh shit…

[wolves proceed to eviscerate the saber-toothed tigers]

Whole party is laughing and losing it.

Ranger: [barely getting his words out over his laughter] Oh my god, this spell is awesome. I love it. This is so awesome.

DM: Damn. When you said you’d conjure animals, I thought it’d be like 2 or 3.

Rogue: And now I’m even more afraid of [druid]. Wake her up, and either get a Lightning Bolt to the face or a pack of wolves pop out of thin air to eat you.

2
first meeting starters
  • 1: "I think I may have seen you before..."
  • 2: "Hey! Watch it!"
  • 3: "Oh my god are you okay?"
  • 4: "Have we met...?"
  • 5: "Were you at that one party?"
  • 6: "Remember me?"
  • 7: "I know you don't know me but I love your shirt."
  • 8: "Quick, pretend to look like you're talking to me."
  • 9: "Hey, is that your dog?"
  • 10: "Service takes forever here."
  • 11: "Don't mean to sound cliche, but do you come here often?"
  • 12: "I wouldn't sit there if I were you."
  • 13: "This is gonna be a long plane ride."
  • 14: "Can you turn that music down?"
  • 15: "People are trying to sleep!"
  • 16: "I'm your new neighbour."
  • 17: "Is that who I think it is?"
  • 18: "Be quiet!"
  • 19: "Is that your son/daughter?"
  • 20: "I've read about you."
This is why I'm the charismatic one

(So me and a few other friends were doing a Fallout-4 scenario, and the rest had died leaving me, a raider with max charisma, my friend (we’ll call him Morgan), a vault dweller with max intelligence and the DM. We were searching for the Institute but we were attacked and robbed. We did all this with a six sided die)

DM: You arrive at the Institute, with no weapons or protection. What do you do?

Morgan: I commit suicide.

Me: Wait what?

DM: Ok but you have to roll a six, or you’re stuck in the game

*Morgan proceeds to roll a six*

DM: OH MY GOD- fine whatever, you’re dead now,
*he turns to me*
DM: what do you want to do

Me: I try to befriend the Institute

*rolls a 6*

Morgan: I want to convince Ryan to join me from beyond the grave

*rolls a 3*

DM: You consider his offer, before deciding against

Me: I roll to shoot the DM

*rolls a 5*

DM: you do realise i’m just like, a voice in your head right

Me: oh shit

DM: You proceed to shoot yourself in the head, dying instantly

Morgan: are you serious Ryan

Me: IM THE CHARISMATIC ONE NOT THE SMART ONE

MythBusters  {Sentence Starters}

  • “Holy crap, RUN!”
  • “Here comes chaos!”
  • “QUACK, damn you!”
  • “When in doubt… C-4.”
  • “Am I missing an eyebrow?”
  • “Well, there’s your problem…”
  • “Failure is ALWAYS an option!”
  • “Generally, I prefer a little bit more.”
  • “I always enjoy seeing _____ in pain.”
  • “This is starting to feel like a BAD idea….”
  • “I reject your reality and substitute my own.”
  • “Our Death Ray doesn’t seem to be working.”
  • “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing, right?”
  • “High explosives and electricity, WHOO HOO!”
  • “This is why we can never have anything nice…”
  • “If I had any dignity, that would have been humiliating.”
  • “Oh, my God! This is more fun than should be allowed.”
  • “This is one of those ‘What the hell am I doing?’ moments.”  
  • “Remember, don’t try this at home. We’re what you call EXPERTS.”
  • “I think that was one of the most destructive things I’ve ever done. That was cool!”
  • “I think this thing could hurt you. I think we’re about to find out whether it will hurt you.”
  • “Remember kids, the only difference between screwing around and science is writing it down!”
  • “You know, I promised my mom and dad I wouldn’t do anything stupid after I got out of college.”
BTS as things my father has said:
  • Namjoon: this may be the third day in a row we've gotten chilli's for dinner but i don't hear any of you complaining
  • Seokjin: *someone calls his daughter pretty* thanks. oh you meant her?
  • Hoseok: *laughing hysterically at viral cat videos from 2010*
  • Yoongi: *teaches own children how to illegally download music*
  • Taehyung: guys. oh my god. there's a frog in the garage.
  • Jimin: do not make me dance mediocre ballet in the middle of this JC Penney i WILL do it
  • Jungkook: *almost bursts a blood vessel trying to carry 12 bags of groceries in one trip*
Thankfully some Gods aren't easily offended

Playing a home brew game, the party is investigating a missing person and end up at the library and are trying to question the Librarian who’s not giving them anything.

Mage: *throws down spell card* I want to use Zone of Truth!

Me (DM): Are you SURE?

Thief: If the DM asks you that the answer should always be no!

Mage: I want to do it!

Me: *flipping open my reference notebook to the deities page*  Okay you just tried to cast that on THE GOD OF KNOWLEDGE.

Party collectively: Oh fuck we’re gunna die in the first session!!

(Mobile blogging on my lunch break so we’re doing it this way)

I’ll give my favorite new headcanon, in detail below. It can be best summed up as the following:

Newt Scamander is a terrible flirt who doesn’t understand innuendo even after they’re together but he tries oh my god does he try and usually ends up embarassing everyone except for himself.

Credence is, secretly, and in ways that only come out during rare and blink-or-you-miss-it bursts of confidence, devastatingly smooth as fuck.

Read on for details

Keep reading

Karasuno vs Nekoma in skirts
Karasuno vs Nekoma in skirts

We should make the entirety of Haikyuu!! be contested in miniskirts. That would make things a lot more fun.

[Commissions] || Captions under the cut.

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3

MODERN WITCH AU

@reserve​ and i were talking about contemporary witch kylo on twitter dot com and we agreed a lot of it is probably just kylo buying too many crystals and trying to get hux to wear protective charms (and also kylo making up weird rituals to try to get hux to try new things in bed) ANYWAYS i really like the aesthetic

2

12.10.16

Yesterday was, like, totally the raddest day ever. I did stuff that I haven’t done since I was a freshman in high school, carefree and without a thought of everything I think of now. We watched Hairspray and sang every single word, dying of laughter as we did, cried along to Forrest Gump, watched classic h3h3 videos on youtube, drank lattes and worked on school stuffs at a coffee shop, took silly photos. We hung out for nearly 12 hours…TWELVE. I haven’t done that in YEARS. And oh my god, it felt amazing. I felt like myself again, not trying to look as cool as possible or travel or be some superhuman–just me. Ugh. It was the best. AND I’M DOING IT AGAIN TOMORROW! 

hehehehehe goodnight lovies

  • Hawkmoth: I'm so sorry about this, Ladybug. I always hoped I'd have the honour of finishing you both off myself, but I suppose that my sniper will have to do the job for me. Say goodbye to your friend.
  • Ladybug: Oh my God, Chat Noir! We'll defeat you, we always do. You'll never get away with... Chat, you're not helping.
  • Chat Noir: *looks up from chasing the sniper's aiming dot which is waving around like crazy trying to keep him in range* What?
  • Keith: hey. hey Lance. Do you want something between your thighs?!
  • Lance, blushing furiously: Uhm. What???!!
  • Keith, panicky awkwardly gesturing: Wanna ride on my hoverbike w/ me??
  • Lance, slightly deflated: Oh you meant- Oh. Uhm. Yeah sure.
  • Keith, internally, who was totally trying to proposition Lance: (Oh my god I panicked. And well. At least I get a hug from Lance when we ride??)
BTS as things my brother said

seokjin: do you know what you’re looking at? handsomeness
yoongi: *eating halfway* i’m tired
hoseok: PLEASE COME HERE THERE’S A COCKCROACH STUCK IN MY LIGHT PANEL H ELP
namjoon: *scooping rice super slow in case he drops anything and spills something* I’M TRYING MY BEST
jimin: we’re sharing a room? WELL HELLO TODAY’S YOUR LUCKY DAY
taehyung: oh my god look at that baby look at that baby look at that baby he’s so cute i want to take him home LOOK AT HIM
jungkook: i can’t just tell her i like her SHE’S A GIRL

bl00d-in-r0ses  asked:

RFA+Saeran and V reacting to an Otome Mc?

if what u mean by this is that ‘MC is the person in the game’ then hoe

i gotchu

P.S. the name of the game is “Curiously Caught” because why? because idon’tknowsendhelp


Yoosung:

  • literally freaking the hell out
  • like “OMGOMGOMG I HOPE IGET MC’S ROUTE HEHEH”
  • he’s trying SO HARD to win MC’s heart he’s doing all sorts of research
  • recent google searches:
    • how to get MC in Curiously Caught
    • CURIOUSLY CAUGHT GUIDES FOR MC
    • MC’S favourite band/food/colour/type of cheese
  • he’s screaming inside and out 24/7
  • “OH MY GOD MC JUST GAVE ME SOME COINS AND OUR HEART TO HEART LEVEL WENTUP!!!!!!”
  • likes to call Seven to rant all about the game
  • can’t get his hands off his cell and lemme tell u his gaming friends are mAD
  • “YOOSUNG WHERE ARE U WE NEED TO DEFEAT THE BOSS-”
  • “CAN U NOT SEE THAT I’M VERY BUSY MY MC NEEDS ME”

Zen:

  • lookie lookie
  • a man his age playing an Otome game? P H L E A S E
  • it’s happening
  • here he is
  • smiling foolishly at his phone
  • “Zen.”
  • “ZEN.”
  • “ZEN YOU’RE UP NEXT WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON YOUR PHONE”
  • that’s right, he even plays during shows
  • he’s obsessed and is 200% determined to get MC’s route
  • “Just a sec I gotta do this… which one do you think is the better pick up line? ‘I will lock you up in my heart like a jail’ or ‘Although this is a bit cheesy, will you Gouda out with me’?”
    • low key wants to stab myself for writing^^ whatever the fuck those pickup lines are im sorry can u tell im bad a pickup lines
  • tries not to fangirl in public when MC gives him some hearts but he’s squealing on the inside sohardsometimeshecan’tbreathe

Jaehee:

  • “HAH. OTOME GAME? I AIN’T GOT NO TIME-
  • DID SOMEONE JUSTSAY CURIOUSLY CAUGHT
  • BECAUSE
  • I’VE BEEN PLAYING SINCE I WOKE UP AT 7AM AND IT’S 5AM THE NEXT DAY NOW
  • I’M STILL AWAKE
  • NOT WORKING
  • NOT SLEEPING
  • I’M GOING TO GET MC TO LOVE ME”
  • yea she’s that^^ type of person
  • she;s so devoted it’s kinda scary
  • Jumin is ???? “Assistant Kang, can you get me the files-”
  • she looks at him with the wild eyes of a boar and he’s like nope nevermind not today gotta go see ya holy shit she’s crazy
  • *employees slowly back away from her*

Jumin:

  • what is “Otome game”?
  • when someone introduces him to Curiously Caught he’s kinda ????
  • really confuzzled
  • he looks like those old people trying to work with technology
    • poking the screen with one finger really hard
    • lowering his reading classes and holding the phone 2 miles away from his face and then squinting his eyes to read the text 
    • asking questions about a million things:
    • “How do i go back”
    • “What do the coins do”
    • “How do i win”
    • also: “I can’t see”
  • he puts the game down at first because he’s confused and doesn’t know how to play, but he sees himself get drawn to it whenever he has free time
  • on the way to work? playing. taking a break? playing. 
  • there’s no stopping he’s becoming one of us

707:

  • LOLOLOLOLOL
  • it’s just that he
  • he beat the game in 1 day
  • he got all the coins, all the hearts and was able to ‘catch’ MC with his skillz
  • but that doesn’t stop him from playing the game another 21232534 times because he wants to find loopholes
  • and see what the bad ends are like
  • low key hacks the game to see what happens
  • the company is like what is happening to our game???
  • oops
  • sorry just SEVENBEING SEVEN AGAIN
  • also likes to show off
  • he goes to online forums that discuss the game and logs on as
  • “curiouscatlover” and literally s p o i l s the game for everyone BUT doesn’t tell him how to beat the levels
  • i hate u seven y r u doin dis to us

Saeran:

  • he isn’t interested at first
  • he just saw it on his appstore and was like 
  • ok i guess i’ll download it since they recommended it
  • YES THAT’S HOW PRECIOUS HE IS
  • starts playing but doesn’t see the meaning in it
  • kinda just stares at the game emotionless
  • “Wow! MC just gave you 10 coins!”
  • “ok”
  • “Options: kiss MC or walk away.”
  • he choose to walk away
  • “we just met why would i kiss her i am not a creep like Saeyoung”
  • low key wants to delete the game but his pride won’t let him
  • “I have to win this or else Saeyoung will rub it in my face that he won and i do not want to hear it”

V:

  • he’s JUST LIKE JUMIN
  • old ass men confused with game options and functions lmfao
  • dude calls up Jumin to work this out together
  • did i mention they met up at a cafe where TONS OF GIRLS AND THE PUBLIC ARE JUDGING THEM
  • and they were literally discussing the game like it was some sort of business tihng
  • “Jumin, if I choose to kiss her, will she dislike me? We just started playing this morning after all.”
  • “Hm.. I think we should just go for it - go big or go home right? That’s always been my business motto.”
  • “You’re right. Okay here it goes… YES! SHE GAVE ME 2 COINS.”
  • “See? This isn’t hard at all.”
  • *cue those comical laughs in the background of TV shows*
  • p.s. they win MC in like 1 month (much too long for 1 route)
  • SOMEONE DRAW JUMIN AND JIHYUN SITTING LIKE OLD MEN ON THEIR PHONES YOU KNOW ALL CONFUSED AND POKING WIT ONE FINGER AND LIKE JUST COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO THE CROWD OF GIRLS LAUGHING AT THEM

:)) i hope this was what you wanted lol

~Cherry L.


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