oh my god bruce

10

-We’ve been friends a long time, Selina. And ever since you’ve known me, I’ve been dedicated to one thing, but that’s done. I don’t know what’s next, but I know-
-Would you please just say what you mean?

I think I forgot I was watching a Batman show. Like I completely forgot what universe this was in and I completely forgot what Oswald and Ed were going to be in the future. I just saw them as Ed and Ozzie. 

And then I was like. Yo man did Batman ever know how gay Oswald was for the Riddler cause damn.

8

Alfred, I have left home for awhile to live on the streets with Selina. Please wait and listen before you react. You need not worry that I’m in danger or that I’ve lost my mind. I’ve thought long and hard about this decision and I know it’s the right one. Malone’s death made me realize a couple of things: You can’t kill murder. You can’t get revenge on evil. You can only begin to fight such things by not doing them. And you can only fight them where they live, not just at Wayne Enterprises - in the streets, in the slums, in the bad parts of town. So, that’s where I’m going. I’m not going to start battling muggers or anything, but one day I am going to do something to help the people of Gotham. I don’t know what yet, but I will. In the meantime, I need to learn stuff. I need to learn how to live in the same world other people have to live in. Selina’s giving me a place to sleep and will show me the ropes. Like I say, there’s no need to worry. I’ll be in touch soon and I’ll come home eventually. Please, Alfred, trust me and honor my wishes. Don’t try to bring me back. I need to do this. Sincerely, your good friend, Bruce.”

“Clark, I have an idea. We lure them into a train that will crash into a wall and fall of the bridge and we’ll write „LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN!” on the wall!”
“Yeah, sure. Maybe we also throw them into a tornado on which I’ll put the clouds shaped into “RING AROUND THE ROSIE” on it?”

“You’re a genius, Kent! Let’s get to work!”

“Oh my God, Bruce, I was joking!”

Superman #11

This book is absolutely hilarious. Damian and Jon make worst possible team and having watch them getting put through the boot camp their fathers made (with Maya and Goliath’s help) brings out a lot of laughs. Sure, in a standard fare they learn to work together in the end, but it’s going to be a bumpy road until they learn how to really be a team. And I kinda want to watch this. If there only was a book about tha….

Supersons. coming out in 2017. Be sure to check it out! I will.

On a side note, this and previous Superman story would make great episodes of children cartoons. DC should get to it.

Congratulations, It’s A Boy!

Requested By Anon.

Pairings: Clint x Reader.


Steve has created a chatroom.

Steve has invited Y/N, Thor, Tony, Nat, Bruce, Clint.

Steve: I am with child

Thor: Congratulations, Steven! I must say I am surprised. I did not think it is possible. I will have to ask Jane about this… Who is the father?

Tony: This explains why you were so cranky today, Cap.

Bruce: Oh my god. Thor, Steve can’t get pregnant.

Thor: But he is with child?

Steve: No, Thor! I’m not pregnant! I am with a child in the training room and I don’t know where he came from* Is what I meant to say. This phone is too small to type properly.

Y/N: Bruce shall we explain where babies come from since Steve is expecting?

Steve: Seriously, which one of you brought a kid to the base? You know it’s not safe!

Tony: Not me.

Nat: Are you sure the baby isn’t yours, Tony?

Tony: What are you implying?

Nat: Oh you know.

Tony: … What does he look like, Spangles?

Tony: NO WAIT HOW WOULD HE HAVE GOTTEN INTO THE BASE, NONE OF MY EXES WOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT.

Steve: Can one of you please watch over him?

Y/N: Why can’t you watch over him?

Steve: I need to find his parents and Bucky and Sam aren’t doing a very good job.

Bucky has joined the chat.

Bucky: HELP US PLEASE

Bucky: TAKE THIS CHILD AWAY

Bucky: HE THINK IT’S FUNNY TO CHASE SAM AND I WITH SNOT ON HIS TINY LITTLE FINGERS

Y/N: Awww does he have a cold?

Tony: Record it!

Bucky: WE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! SOMEONE COME TAKE HIM AWAY!

Bruce: I can’t. I don’t want to risk hulking out. I’ll bring by some stuff for his cold but then I’m leaving.

Bucky has left the chat.

Bruce has left the chat.

Thor: Oh, what’s that?! Loki is back to his villainous ways! I must stop him!

Y/N: No he’s not!

Thor: ARRRGH HE HAS CAST A SLEEPING CURSE UPON ME!

Y/N: Loki is with me right now and he says stop acting like an imbecile.

Thor: OOOOOH! It is all an illusion! AAAAH! Magic! He’s not really there! You have been fooled. A TRICK!

Thor has left the chat.

Y/N: COWARD!

Tony: I would love to babysit but…

Tony: Who am I kidding? I wouldn’t. Bye!

Tony has left the chat.

Y/N: Unbelievable.

Nat: They’re basically kids themselves. It’s actually good they won’t babysit.

Steve: Nat, Y/N? Please?

Y/N: Yeah, okay. It’s just unfair that the rest won’t help!

Nat: Why’s Clint so quiet?

Y/N: I think this is the longest he’s gone without talking.

Steve: You know what’s weird? This kid looks a lot like Clint.

Y/N: You don’t suppose he is Clint’s spawn?

Nat: I would know if it was.

Y/N: Nat and I are at the training room now but Bucky and Sam don’t want us to look after the kid.

Steve: What?! They wanted to get rid of him 5 minutes ago!

Nat: Seems like they’ve bonded with him.

Sam has joined the chat.

Sam: Steve, we’re handling it. It’s okay. We got this. No need for Y/N and Nat to help.

Nat: Then why is he trying to run away from you two?

Sam has added Bucky.

Bucky: Do you really think we’ll just hand him over?! We looked after him!

Steve: The entire time you spent looking after him you and Sam were freaking out!

Y/N: It’s obvious the kid wants to come with Nat and I so just hand him over!

Sam: NEVER!

Bucky: HE IS OURS!

Y/N: GIVE US THE CHILD!

Sam: STAY BACK RUMPELSTILTSKIN!

Nat: You idiots made him cry now! LET HIM COME TO US!

Bucky: FINE BUT BE GENTLE WITH HIM!

Sam: Um. Why did he stop crying as soon as Y/N started holding him?

Bucky: … I suppose Y/N and Nat can watch him until you find his parents, Steve.

Nat: He is so adorable! Seems like Y/N is his favorite out of the four of us.

Sam: :(

Sam has left the chat.

Bucky: I will check in every ten minutes!

Bucky has left the chat.

Steve: I’ll let you know when I find his parents.

Y/N: Wait, did he tell you his name? Because he won’t tell us.

Steve: No. I was hoping you could find out.

Steve has left the chat.

Y/N has left the chat.

Nat has left the chat.

Tony has joined the chat.

Tony: I FIGURED OUT WHO THE KID IS!

Tony: Oh

Tony has added Steve.

Tony: I FIGURED OUT WHO THE KID IS!

Steve: Who?

Tony: IT’S CLINT!

Steve: Go annoy Bruce.

Tony: I’m serious. Seems like Clint was messing around in the lab. Good news: My machine works. Bad news: It’s now broken. It’s going to take me a while to repair it so Clint is going to be stuck like that for a while. Hopefully the effect wears off before I can repair it.

Steve: I really need a vacation after this. I’ll let the others know.

Tony: No! Don’t tell them. We don’t want them freaking out now, do we?

Steve: For the first time, I actually agree with you.

Tony: Shocking.

Steve has cleared the chat.

Steve has added Nat, Y/N.

Steve: How is everything? Is the kid fine?

Nat: Everything is good! He’s with Y/N now and they’re playing with some toys Sam bought him. He adores her so much! He had picked out flowers and gave them to her. I’m dying from all the cuteness.

Tony: I KNEW CLINT LIKED Y/N!

Tony: I mean, looks like the kid has a crush!

Nat: Steve, did you find his parents yet?

Steve: Not yet. We need to name the kid for now. We can’t keep calling him “the kid.”

Tony: MAYBE CLINTON HUH?

Nat: Sam and Bucky have already named him James Jr.

Steve: WHY NOT STEVEN

Tony: WHY NOT ANTHONY

Nat: He is too innocent and pure to be named after you, Tony.

Tony has left the chat.

Steve: good

Thor has joined the chat.

Thor: I wish to hold the tiny human.

Nat: No! You had your chance.

Thor: I was scared! The closest I’ve come to looking after a child is Mjolnir!

Nat: You’re not worthy to hold James Jr, Thor.

Thor: PREPOSTEROUS! I AM THE ONLY WORTHY ONE HERE!

Steve: vision. elevator. me. table.

Nat: He only lets Y/N or me hold him!

Thor: And now me!

Nat: I won’t allow it!

Steve: are you guys really fighting over a kid?

Y/N: YOU PULLED AN ODIN AS SOON AS YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT JAMES JR.

Steve: shameful, really

Thor: WHO IS WATCHING THE CHILD IF YOU ARE HERE, LADY Y/N?!

Y/N: Bucky is.

Thor: WELL IT IS MY TURN!

Steve: I really need a break

Nat: NO. COME NEAR HIM AND WE’LL END YOU!

Steve: is this what Fury feels like when we don’t listen

Thor: Lady Natasha… Why would you say that?

Nat: SORRY BUT OUR MAMA BEAR INSTINCTS ARE KICKING IN

Vision has joined the chat.

Vision: Wanda and I wish to spend some time with James Jr.

Thor: DO NOT WASTE YOUR WORDS, VISION! THEY ARE ADAMANT ON NOT LETTING ANYONE ELSE NEAR THE CHILD.

Y/N: Sure, Vis!

Nat: He’s in Y/N’s room with Bucky.

Y/N: Don’t let him trick you into giving him coffee!

Vision: I won’t. Thank you.

Vision has left the chat.

Thor: WHAT IN THE NINE REALMS!

Steve: if they start fighting I’m going to go crazy

Thor: I WILL FIND MY OWN CHILD TO WATCH OVER!

Steve: please don’t kidnap someone’s child.

Thor has left the chat.

Y/N: Wait Steve did you just imply that you’re worthy?

Steve: NO

Steve: WHO SAID THAT

Steve has left the chat.

Bucky has joined the chat.

Bucky: WHERE’S JAMES JR?!

Bucky: WHY THE HELL IS CLINT NAKED ON YOUR BED?!

Bucky: I TURN AWAY FOR TWO SECONDS AND JAMES JR. IS GONE AND INSTEAD IT’S CLINT FLASHING ME!

Y/N: what are you talking about

Bucky: OMG MAYBE CLINT FELL FROM THE VENTS AND CRUSHED HIM!

Bucky has left the chat.

Nat: I am… confused.

Clint: … Thanks for looking after me!

Y/N: WAIT WTF CLINT

Nat: you’re not saying…

Clint: Yes. I’m “James Jr”. Kinda sad the effect wore off so quickly. I was enjoying spending all that time with you, Y/N.

Nat: YOU WERE LIKE A SON TO ME

Y/N: BUCKY AND SAM THINK YOU KILLED JAMES JR

Nat: THEY WERE PROUD PARENTS

Y/N: HOW DO WE EXPLAIN THIS TO THEM?

Nat: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TURN BACK?!

Nat has left the chat.

Sam has joined the chat.

Sam: WHERE IS MY SON?!

Clint:

Sam: OH GOD NO WHY

Sam has left the chat.

Clint: So now that I’m no longer a kid.. Would you like to go out later?

Y/N: Your timing is perfect. Really. How many first dates are started like this? None… But yes.

Clint: Oh and can you bring me some clothes, since you know… I am naked. On your bed. Unless you care to join me?

Y/N has left the chat.

Clint: Well, here goes nothing.

Clint has left the chat.

Scott has joined the chat.

Scott has added Bucky.

Scott: Why did Clint just run by with nothing but a blanket wrapped around him?

Bucky: You don’t want to know. The things I’ve seen…

Scott: … I’m going to go now.

Scott has left the chat.

Bucky has left the chat.

SLAMS FISTS DOWN ON TABLE

IS THERE ANYTHING WRITTEN ABOUT BRUCE WAYNE FIRST GOING BACK TO SCHOOL AFTER HIS PARENTS’ MURDER