Oh my fucking god looking for more old writing I found a journal I wrote on April 23rd, 2001, about all the shit that went down in one of the most tumultuous months of my life. (In early April, 2001, I realized I had a crush on someone for only the second time in my life, and the only problem was, the guy in question was dating the girl on whom I’d had my first crush a few months before. I decided to say something. Hijinks ensued. And by hijinks I mean my entire social life fell apart, I lost my virginity, I stole my best friend’s boyfriend, and did a lot of growing up in a really short amount of time. Mind you this was within a month of coming out to my parents, because of the whole “crush on a girl” thing.)
I wonder if I’ll actually keep a journal? probably not,
knowing me, in the same way that it’s more likely that I’m just doing this to
procrastinate. Still, it would be sort of nice to have a place to just write
things down, wouldn’t it? Maybe if I unload to myself I won’t unload to any one
else. Why was I doing that today? complaining to EVERYONE, and then as if it
wasn’t enough I bitched to Jay. I must have known it would make him feel bad so
why did I do it? maybe I’m just a manipulative bitch under it all - “Hey look
at me Jay, pity me, pity me, I need to use the bathroom every two minutes for
no reason, oh pity me, pity me.” If that’s what I’m actually doing, I’m a lot
cheaper than I thought I was.
Or maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m about as cheap as I thought I
was. After all, I decided years ago that I was manipulative and self centered.
If recent events just happen to be proving me right, isn’t it wonderful that I
was able to figure that out?
No. The point was not only to KNOW that I’m a manipulative
bitch, but to be able to DO something about that fact. And that of course if
where I failed utterly. No huge surprise, I rather expect that until I admited
to someone that I thought of my self that way I’d never be able to do anything
about it. Still, it would be nice to believe that I could have solved problems
like that without having to hurt any one again. Oh well.
Oh my goooooooooood 18 year old me! SO ANGST! ALL THE SELF HATE! LMAAAOOOOOO. (the bathroom thing was that, it turns out, when I get REALLY stressed I get the phantom urge to pee…that still happens…it’s tremendously annoying…)
“Of course I’ve had a run of great opportunities and characters to play, but I was shooting this scene [in Tulip Fever] with Holliday Grainger that just felt like something new. It just came so easily, and we were having so much fun. And only when we were chatting afterwards did I suddenly realise why: I’d just made five films in a row, and this was the first one where I had a scene with another woman.”
“the woman who has his damndelion heart" Oh my god this was amazing! So cute . I loved it so much. Is there going to be a next part?
Aww hun my heart is bursting from your kind words, thank you so much! I don’t think I’m going to write a part
III anytime soon since I had a bit of difficulty writing part
II haha … maybe sometime in the future I will pick up the story but who knows. I will, however, leave you with this little blurb I had written as part of the series but never actually put it into the story. I’d imagine it fit right in between Braids and Excuses!
finds you on the couch, a few hours later, reading your anatomy textbook, he
sighs from relief at the familiar sight (and the peace and quiet). Anne had
graciously offered to shift the reunion to the backyard to give you a quiet
place to study even though you had originally asked to go the library for a few
hours. The clangs of glasses echoed slightly from outside, but you didn’t seem
to mind, lost in your own world from the way you hadn’t noticed Harry plopping
himself next to you, laying his head on your comfortable shoulder while
crossing his arms in an exhausted sigh.
refused to indulge him, determined to finish this week’s chapter.
of his curls rubbed sweetly against your neck as he peered up to look at you
snapped stretching his name in annoyance. “Jus’ give me a sec.” You took a deep
breath to calm yourself as you flipped a page of your book roughly, eyes still
concentrating on your readings.
“Hmm,” a familiar
accusing tone surfaced in his groggy voice, “someone’s gettin’ snippy…”
His comment was
ignored once again, but he didn’t mind. He felt quite smug at the moment. The
ever so patient Y/N had crumbled slightly in the depths of his over-eager
family (despite him triggering the hindrance).
“She lasted longer than anyone,” Harry thought to
himself, eyes grazing over the complicated words of her book. His eyes dropped
slightly, as a deep wave of exhaustion over took him. He gazed over to his
family through the glassed doors, his sister was holding Jamie in her arms and
he was grateful for the moment of peace without the little one. He loved her to
bits of course, but she exhausted the wits out of him. He closed his eyes,
finally, as a deep slumber over took his body.
Mara, 30, said she was initially terrified to meet her Oscar-winning co-star, reported People magazine.
“I remember the first time I saw Cate, in Elizabeth. I think I was 13. I went to our little local theatre with my mom, and I was like, ‘Oh, my God, who is that woman?’ She’s just so incredible. It was pretty easy to pretend to be enamoured by her. And she’s quick and witty and funny. She’s very confident.
“It’s amazing. Usually it’s not that great to meet your idols and work with them; it’s kind of a letdown. This definitely wasn’t. She’s much different than I had in my head, but kind of better, in a way. It was also obviously terrifying,” Mara said.
A/N: This was surprisingly difficult to write. Sorry for how long this is, I was originally going to just do smut, then it turned into just fluff then it turned back into smut. Also, all the art talk was self indulgent as fuck, sorry, I’m just an art nerd.
“The binary star Algol is located 93 light years away. It used to be known as ‘al Ghul’, the demon star….”
”Yo, Dex,” Nursey whispered, nudging Dex’s arm. “Where’s she
pointing? I can’t see what the laser is pointing to.”
“It’s the one on the left, over there.” He pointed.
“Oh, I see,” Nursey said, reaching over Dex to take a
handful of popcorn. “No, wait, I don’t see.”
right—hey.” Some of the popcorn in
Nursey’s fist fell out onto Dex’s lap. “C’mon, you just spilled popcorn all
“Whoops,” Nursey said, sounding entirely unapologetic. He
picked a piece off of Dex’s knee and popped it into his mouth, grinning.
“The binary star makes
up part of the Perseus constellation. It represents the mighty Greek hero….”
Dex threw a piece of popcorn at Nursey’s face, who
immediately threw it back. Dex raised an eyebrow. “I was going to give you some of these M&M’s I smuggled in,” Dex
said quietly, “but now I’m having second thoughts….”
“Eh, it’s fine. I’m more of a skittles guy anyway,” Nursey replied,
shrugging. He bent his knees and propped his feet up on the seat in front of
“God, I can’t believe you’re such a candy snob, It’s sugar.”
A couple of rows in front of them, an older woman turned
around, putting her finger up towards her lips. “Shh!” she hissed.
“Sorry, maam,” Dex apologized. He did his best to look
They tried to be quiet for a few more minutes, listening to
the woman explain the science behind stars and the meaning behind
constellations. The planetarium was mostly dark. They could barely see each
other in the dim lights cast down from the artificial stars above them. Despite
himself, Dex found that he was actually really enjoying this date. It had been
Nursey’s idea, of course—who else would turn down a normal date plan like going
to the movies in favor of a planetarium.
But Dex had been talking about how he
missed being able to see the stars, and Nursey must have remembered that, and
that was pretty sweet, he guessed. Slowly, like a high schooler on a first
date, Dex put his arm over the back of Nursey’s chair and let it fall onto
In Greco-Roman mythology,
the constellation Aquila is associated with the eagle who kidnapped Ganymede,
son of one of the kings of Troy….
“You know,” Nursey whispered into Dex’s ear, “Ganymede and
Zeus banged a lot.”
Dex couldn’t help it—he
started giggling. “What?” he said, doing his best to keep his voice down. “I
thought Achilles was the one who was into dudes.”
“All the Greeks were into dudes, Dex,” Nursey murmured. “The
founders of their democracy were a same-sex couple.”
“That sounds fake, but I don’t know enough about Ancient
Greece to argue with you.”
“It’s totally true,” Nursey said. “You know who else is into
Dex sensed a trap. “…Who?”
“Me,” Nursey said. He leaned in and planted a kiss on Dex’s
“Oh my god.”
The older woman from before turned around a second time,
giving them a look. This time they managed to keep quiet until the end of the
“So, what did you think?” Nursey asked as they left the
planetarium. “Was that better than a movie?”
“Dunno,” Dex shrugged. “I guess I could be convinced.”
“Hm, I could definitely convince you…” Nursey said. He
leaned in and kissed him.
“God, you’re such a sap,” Dex murmured against his lips. But he kissed back all