oh my god a rubber

Foggy windows

Originally posted by archibald-andrewss

Archie Andrews x reader

Summary; Someone finds you in a compromising position in a car with Archie

Warnings; cursing, kinda public smut, the basic dirty

A/N; listened to imagine dragons’ believer while writing this to get into the mood😏

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Uninvited. {Dean Ambrose}


Summary: Housesitting for Dean had its perks, his house was beautiful, quiet and relaxing when it came to studying compared to your dorm or the lecture hall. However, your friends convince you to throw a party at his bachelor pad only to have Dean crash the party.

Warning: Smut. Smut. Smut.

Masterlist: Here

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…oh my god. What if Sombra’s bear is like one of those debugging rubber ducks. Like she explains different hacking issues she’s run into with the bear then figures out the solution and just seizes the bear and screams “OF COURSE! WHY DIDN’T I SEE THAT BEFORE!?” while shaking it.

anonymous asked:

1D as Mean Girls quotes

omg

louis: I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me. But I can’t help it that I’m popular - Gretchen Wieners 

harry:  [driving away] I want my pink shirt back!!! I want my pink shirt back!!! - Damian 

niall:  Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant, and die. Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up, just… don’t do it. Promise? Alright, everybody grab some rubbers. - Coach Carr

liam:  Oh my God, Karen! You can’t just ask people why they’re white!  - Gretchen Wieners

  • Summer: Qrow. Tai. I have a confession to make. *Summer said as she teammates play a video game.*
  • Qrow: We know you are banging my sister.
  • Tai: We are cool with it.
  • Summer: Wha-WHAT!? H-how did you know!?
  • Tai: Raven sent out an email to the entire school saying you two are banging and threatening anyone who even thinks about trying to ask you out.
  • Qrow: Plus, Ozpin gave her detention for flying an airship round with a banner saying, "SUMMERAVEN FOREVER!"
  • Summmer: *Summer's face turns bright red and pulls her hood over her head to hide it and to muffle her screams of embarrassment.* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?
  • Raven: *Suddenly Summer feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist and pulls her into a hug as Raven appears behind Summer through one of her portals.* Because I want the whole world to know you are my little rose. *Raven the turned Summer's face towards her to give her a kiss on the lips leaving her team leader speechless and proceeds to pick her up and carry her away.* We are going on a date don't wait up.
  • Tai: Have fun.
  • Qrow: Wear a rubber.
  • ~~~
  • Ruby: Oh. My. God.
  • Yang: Wow... I mean, woooooooow.
  • Weiss: This is just-! How does that even-! She wouldn't-!
  • Blake: Guys. Calm down. This mirror only shows alternate universe. None of this actually happened.
  • Tai/Qrow: *Look at each other and at the same time open their mouths to say Raven and Summer DID sleep together once, only for Raven's sword to appear at their throats.* ... That's right./Yep. *Raven and her sword disappear*
Coffee Stains pt.4

Ship: Feysand 
Type: College AU
Word Count: 1,559

 

Thank you all so much for your feedback! 


*BOOM BOOM BOOM*

Feyre woke with a start; what the hell was going on?

“Feyre it’s me. Open this door right now before I burn down this entire building!”

“Nesta?” Feyre rubbed the crust from her eyes and glanced at her phone: 2:34AM

“Would you hurry up already?”

Feyre scampered on cold feet to open the door.

“I thought you weren’t coming home until tomorrow night?” Feyre slurred, still confused what exactly was going on.

“Change of plans. Turns out Elain enjoys the company of muts.”

“Elain got a dog?”

“Worse: A boyfriend.”

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pagesofangels  asked:

Wanna hear something weird? I associate cheap plastic with nausea now, because when I was young my parents would buy me little toy purses/toys from our local flea market. They were just about the cheapest things to come out of China, and the plastic they were made with emitted this awful chemical odor in confined spaces. So, I would always end up getting sick on the drive home with the plastic thing in my lap. I used to think it was car sickness. Now I feel a bit sick when I see a bootleg.

Oh my god, I bought a baggie of these weird rubber duck things stamped China, and when I got home and opened them that very smell knocked me the fuck out.  I threw most of them away because they smelled so funky.  The couple that weren’t awful were aired out for junk boxes.

  • ME: WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD YOU THAT MY LOVE FOR STEPHEN KING'S IT DIDN'T HAVE TO DO WITH ME WANTING TO BANG ONE OF THE CHARACTERS?
  • MOM: YEAH
  • ME: ...
  • MOM: BUT WHO IS IT
  • ME: I THOUGHT YOU-
  • MOM: YEAH BUT I KNOW YOU
  • MOM: ITS ONE OF THE KIDS
  • ME: NO
  • MOM: I HOPE IT ISNT PENNYWISE
  • ME: UH
  • MY BROTHER: SHE WANTS TO FUCK PENNYWISE IN THE ASS WITH A RUBBER DILDO
  • ME: *MUFFLES MYSELF*
  • MOM: OH MY GOD
  • MY BROTHER: *LAUGHS*
  • MY MOM: THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY
Coming outta level 34 Prison of Elders like...

“Y’ALL ARE FUCKED UP! AWOKEN ARE FUCKED UP! WHY WOULD YOU LIGHT THE FLOOR ON FIRE? WHAT THE FUCK!? OH MY GOD! EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE BURNING RUBBER. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

Imagine #37 Liam [Requested]

Liam’s emotions where a chaotic mess of bafflement, bitterness and indignation; you were the origin of the storm brewing in his lycan heart. Conscious thoughts clawing at the hint of a reason you were so distant, so cold. He pondered each word he’d uttered to you; directly and indirectly. He couldn’t recall causing a fragment of offense. Scott coaxed a subtle adorable smirk brightening the melancholy disposition surrounding your soft features, his cocoa flecked milk chocolate irises squint in delight as a lopsided grin of triumph crept across his supple mouth.

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Michael finds your sex toys

request: Could you do one of Mikey where he finds your sex toys for when he is on tour and uses them on you causing multiple orgasms and over sensitivity?

a/n: sorry if this isn’t super good <3333

word count: 1810

—-

Michael had come back from tour a few days ago and he loved nothing more than to spend as much time with you as was physically possible. You cuddled, ate, talked, and went out together often. Today was one of those days where you didn’t even feel like leaving the house, and so you spent the majority of your day hanging out on your bed. You nuzzled into Michael’s chest as he had his arms wrapped around you, telling you more tour stories.

“And he got his finger stuck in her hair and I think I almost died laughing,” Michael snickered, causing you to let out a loud laugh.

“Oh, my god, when has Luke ever done something that wasn’t awkward?”

“I don’t know, he just gets worse every time,” he chuckled again. “Hey, babe, you have, like, lotion or something? My hands feel dry and it’s grossing me out.”

“Yeah, reach into my drawer and you’ll find some.”

Michael’s arms left you as he rolled over onto his side to open the drawer in your nightstand. You sat there peacefully until a pang of shock hit right through you as your eyes shot open.

“Wait, no!” You cried, rolling over quickly to find his fingers resting on the knob and pulling your drawer open.

In the spur of the moment, you had completely forgotten about the sex toys you had stowed away in that drawer. It wasn’t much—just a vibrator and a few different lubricants, but you didn’t want him to see that stuff anyway.

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aaaaa I just sent off to ask for a quote on how much it would cost to print the first 6 chapters of TPoH as a bookity doo aaAAAAA