Lol I think I’m having a midlife crisies in my 20’s, I’m gunna dye my hair ***“Mars-Mission Red”*** and literally change my name to The Chicago Bulls
But nah, freal tho, im doing pretty good, my house is still far from repaired (it’s actually getting worse) but I’m not totally homeless yet! (In an apartment atm), and I still have a nice job! And a family that I love. Umm…. I’ve been feelin a lil distant in my walk with Christ lately but I’m tryin to fix it! And uh! Oh! I got a new bike! I’m trying to get back into shape, yaknow? For all those young single moms out there, I gotta do it for them
Maaan… I’ve been talking about how I’m getting all healthy and trying to be more christian and people are prolly gunna think I’m gunna come back and the formula is gunna be all changed and fucked up. But nah! Im gunna come back, and the difference is gunna be like a steak, like I was just a normal steak before, but when I’m back! I’m gunna be a steak that was constructed in a chamber with all the oxygen and carbon sucked out so the meat was able to densify naturally and I even cut the fat off for you! So yeah this steak is great and you better leave a good fuckin tip :3c
… because if they weren’t on the CW these kids would be swearing a hell of a lot more.
Rip: Likes to pretend he’s a suave and mannerly captain who only swears under duress for emphasis (“Why in the hell did you think that was a good idea?” “You all need to learn to follow your damn orders!”) but in reality he’s a poorly contained mess of frustration and bad plans who’s ready to start flipping tables and dropping cluster f-bombs at a moment’s notice. (“What in the fucking hell is wrong with you all? WHY THE SHIT WOULD YOU DO THIS?”) Incidentally, that’s how the last crew Monopoly night ended.
Sara: Swearing is frequent and casual; she greets friends with “hey, asshole” and just dropping a spoon is likely to elicit something like “oh, dicks”. Profanity is like punctuation if you catch Sara in the right mood. She drops it during missions though; the League doesn’t tolerate a lot of extra talking since it wastes breath, mental capacities, and precious seconds.
Jax: Usually swears as an expression of surprise. What he lacks in frequency he more than makes up for in creativity: “Oh, sweet Christ on a bike.” “Well, fuck me sideways, that’s a dinosaur.”
Stein: Pretentious old man who considers himself above using profanity; says cute dumb things like “Great Scott!” instead. Spends a lot of time literally inside Jax’s head though, so occasionally slips up and blurts out something like “Well, knock me down and shove a cactus up my ass.” Immediately becomes flustered and embarrassed upon doing this.
Leonard: Usually has the self-restraint not to get too sweary, but if pushed to a breaking point he will get weird. (Sara loves it.)
Gideon: “Mr. Snart, Captain Hunter says you need to stop doing that.”
Snart, without cracking a smile: “Tell Captain Hunter he can eat my entire ass, Gideon.”
Kendra: Frequent sprinkling of “damn” and “hell” when called for, and not averse to stronger language, although her family doesn’t like it so she grew up not using it much.
Ray: Building off my preferred autistic Ray headcanon, swearing is a speech pattern that Ray made a deliberate effort to incorporate into his language when the other kids started doing it. He took a lot of notes from how people swore in movies, which is why he mostly busts it out at dramatic moments (”You bastard” @ Mick in Marooned and so on). It never really stops being a conscious effort, a little stilted, and he doesn’t get too creative with it.
Mick: Doesn’t swear as much as you’d think. Keeps it understated, since literally everything about Mick makes the point for him, if that makes sense. Usually a deadpan “aw, hell” when things start going south will do it for Mick. And a whole lot of threats of ass kicking, of course.
So, I come home to a mysterious white envelope to discover that I have won… In the words of Jay McGuiness himself…. OH MY CHRIST ON A BIKE, I’VE WON JAY MCGUINESS’ SIGNED SPORTS RELEIF T-SHIRT!!!!!!! AND YES, HE WORE IT!!!!!!!! :’D OVER THE F*CKING MOON RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!! *dies* ♥ ♥ ♥
Gentlemen, it’s been an honor skating with you, but I think this will be the end. Here we go … oh, Christ on a bike, that’s fast. Actually, Christ on a skateboard. Piss off, car! Piss off, car! He stole my skateboard.
Peter and Remus were super close. Remus always listened to Peter talk about his dorky hobbies like collecting stamps and Peter was always the one who waited for Remus while he picked out ‘the perfect sweater’ to wear today. Whenever James and Sirius are off doing their thing, they’d just chill out in the dorm room or by the lake, eating and confessing and sharing random things and whenever James and Sirius come back to them, they always find the two laughing uncontrollably with tears in their eyes and they’d never understand why
James was the last one to forgive Sirius after the Prank. Peter generally didn’t know how to feel because it wasn’t his life on the line and he wasn’t exactly at risk and wasn’t involved as much. Remus forgave Sirius after months. After apologies and begging and trying to regain trust. Remus forgave him eventually and it was hard and he’d never forget it, but eventually, he did. James was the last because that kind of behavior was something Sirius developed because of their friendship and James can’t help but blame himself too. And, out of them four, he’s the most protective of them and was absolutely furious that his best friend in the world almost got him and Remus killed and acted like an asshole and that is so not okay with him at all. Especially since the fact that Sirius gives the idea that Sirius actually thought that James would be the kind of person who would be on board with that and that sickens and offends him and all throughout his life at school with the whole Black reputation he always tries to look after Sirius no matter what and when Sirius did that, James just really felt like shit because he’s thinking of how he’s doing a crap job at it and all that hurt and anger and protectiveness just consumed him so much
Remus and Lily are best friends too and it’s because Lily was the only person who took his mind off the Prank after it happened and they bonded over books and muggle things and how all the magic was amazing but it also made them homesick.
Remus and Peter put up mistletoe everywhere that refused to let people go until they kissed because james and sirius are ALWAYS together so it gets them all the time and at first they’re like HA JOKES ON YOU and they’d dramatically kiss with a flourish but Remus and Peter never take them down and it stops being fun on the 9th kiss and at that point when they got caught under one again they kind of just feel like crying 'REMUS I DON’T WANT TO KISS JAMES ANYMORE IT ISN’T FUN ANYMORE SAVE ME’ but of course they had to begrudgingly kiss anyway while whining and swearing revenge on Remus and Peter
One time James refuses to acknowledge Remus’ existence because he got chocolate all over the Marauders Map 'James you’re being ridiculous will you please talk to him’ 'sirius you don’t understood this doesn’t only stain the map it sTAINS OUR FRIENDSHIP’
The first person Sirius takes on his bike with him is James of course because he figured that James is used to flying and is the most adventurous person he knows. However, on their first ride, James is screaming and demands that 'YOU PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW, MISTER, OR I AM TAKING AWAY YOUR MAURADERS MEMBERSHIP OH MY GOD WILL YOU SLOW DOWN JESUS CHRIST TAKE HIS DEATH TRAP AWAY’
Remus is the first one who nicked food from the kitchens. Although, it was hardly stealing. Madam Pomfrey told him how to get in the kitchens just in case he gets hungry because he always loses so much energy and misses out on meals around the full moons. He’s the reason the Marauders had so many trips down there.
James and Sirius have matching 'Marauders’ sweaters. Remus and Peter refuse to wear theirs because 'it’s bad enough that they associate us with you losers without the sweaters, Sirius'
One time, they decide to dress up as The Beatles for Halloween. They forget to coordinate and all of them arrive as John Lennon.
Everyone thinks Sirius always looks down on Peter and isn’t that close with him, but they’re actually pretty tight. James and Remus are always the busy ones, so Sirius and Peter spend a lot of time down the kitchens eating everything and anything. Sirius helps Peter improve his spellwork when they cast hexes and jinxes on Malfoy or Bellatrix or someone from afar. Peter helps Sirius with Muggle studies by associating topics and lessons with Sirius’ favorite muggle bands and steals Remus’ notes and muggle magazines and records for him.
They all had the same boggart. Losing each other.
When they first found out about Remus, they were terrified and confused. They didn’t admit they knew for months. They loved Remus and accepted him no matter what, but they grew up in households where they learned stories about these beasts rather than the amazing people who were victimized. Of course, they eventually understood and realized how stupid they were being and when they confronted Remus, Remus cried but they just hugged him and joked about hims being such a baby and 'you prick, of course we’re okay with it, you drama queen’ but they were all holding back tears too
After they graduated, they all tried to get their own places. Peter got a flat somewhere in London, James and Lily moved in together, Remus and Sirius got their own place as well. And it worked well for a while. However, on the night of September one, Lily gets home late to find all four of them asleep in her living room. It’s like their bodies were still attached to the biological clock seven years together affected them with.
Even when they get the hang of not living together anymore, they’re super codependent on each other and their license to Apparate does not help at all. James waking up to find a naked Sirius in their kitchen looking for coffee. Remus walking into the bathroom with a note on the mirror from James saying 'i owe u toothpaste. sorry. i ran out’. Peter finding Remus on his couch, watching TV because Sirius broke theirs or something again. Sirius not being able to finish any paperwork because is in the room looking for quills even though they’ve started using pens. Lily being so done with all of them
I know I said there would be sex in this chapter, but it totally ended up being longer than I expected! I sorry. There will be smut in the next chapter (I’m actually thinking I can post that later on today, but we’ll see.), I promise.
As usual, ignore spelling mistakes and shizz. Enjoy.