oh man im laughing so hard

IM LAUGHING SO HARD THIS WAS SO MUCH SLOWER IN PHOTOSHOP??

A̠͎̯̤L̻͈̫͍̗͟Ĺ̫̰͙̖͎̞͇ ̧͇A̱̟̘͎͙̯ͅB͓̩̼̮̖O̪̗͎̫̪͙AR̛͙͇̖͎D͍̙̭͔͍̟̩͡ ̩͚̮͔̪T͖̩̟͈͓͙̪̀H̶͕̭̖̞̬̠̤E̖ ͡C̯̤̦̞̤ͅH̘͓͖̗͚͚̙A͈̝̳͖̞O̗̰̮S̕ ̶̱͇͙T͟Ŕ̤̗̟̲̭̱̭AI̴͙͉͙͖N̢

I'm Not Gay

D.va: MCCREE, are you SURE you don’t like Hanzo? -3-

Tracer: Ya can’t hide a rainbow from me, Jesse. You know that.

McCree: … *singing* I’m not gay guys, that ain’t me! I’m just comfortable with my sexuality. So I can admit when I see a guy, who’s got a handsome face and pretty eyes-

*starts imaging Hanzo*

and a rock hard chest….and rippling abs…and the tightest ass…..and those sculpted calves…..and the bulging quads…and that perfect bod…..and oh my g o d take your pants off *drooling*

D.va: oh m y

Tracer: …..called it

Hanzo: ………………………… *Hanzo.exe has stopped working*

Genji: *starts laughing* IM ALMOST GONNA DIE AGAIN BUT THIS TIME FROM LAUGHTER OH SHIT-

donghyuck: *makes a joke*

members: *laughs*

mark: *laughs extra hard while hitting on his knees*

mark: OH MY GOD HYUCK THAT’S SO FUNNY HAHAHAHAHA MARRY ME

donghyuck: ????

mark: no i’m serious marry me im in love with you.

jaemin: why do you wanna marry with the devil in human form tho ???

jeno: *puts his hands on jaemin’s mouth to shut him up*

jeno: imma be your best man just please get married already

(ʘᗩʘ’!!) “oh my god” !!!

asks are open! 

golden maknae, jungkook, is ready for your questions! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ 

Got7 Reaction to - You Randomly Kissing Them

Masterlist

Requests are open!

Mark- Markipoo oh man he would blush SO HARD like he might be all smooth and what not but as soon as you just walk up to him and kiss him on the cheek he would blush like nobody’s business cause he wouldn’t be expecting it AT ALL but then as you go to walk away he would grab your hand and pull you back so that he could return the favor with the cutest smile EVER.

Jaebum- He would be so turned on okay hear me out. You guys would be out with the other boys and he’d be holding your hand when all of a sudden you just turn your head and kiss on THE MOUTH AND HE’D BE SURPRISED AT FIRST BUT THEN KIND OF TURNED ON BUT HE WOULD PLAY IT OFF UNTIL LATER WHEN HE CAN HAVE HIS WAY WITH YOU BECAUSE KISSING IN FRONT OF HIS MEMBERS LIKE NO HE WOULDN’T DO IT CAUSE ONCE HE STARTS HE DOESN’T THINK HE’D BE ABLE TO STOP.

Jackson- He would live for it guys. He would love it so much when you just randomly kiss him whenever you wanted. He would try and pretend to be surprised but really he isn’t cause you guys show PDA all the time and random kisses (and butt touches) are just a thing in  your relationship at this point.

Jinyoung- I feel like it it was in a public situation he would be shy about it and like blush and be super like ‘awwww what’ but in private! Oh man he would love it so much you would give him just a cute little peck and when you pulled away to continue doing whatever you were doing he would frown and grab your hand to get your attention again before practically throwing himself onto you to kiss you more thoroughly yup.

Youngjae- My soft bean puff he would be all giggly and cute about it and would ask what that was for and you’d be just like ‘because i wanted to’ and he would smile and then lean forward and kiss you again because ‘i wanted to kiss you too’ and you guys would be all smiley and happy he would be the cutest boyfriends guys im having youngjae feels now

Bambam- Oh boy it would so catch him off guard. Like he would be trying to be cool and it would make you laugh and you would just lean over and kiss him on the cheek and he would get flustered when you called him cute and be like ‘no i’m not cute im a man im tough’ which would make you laugh really hard cause come on he’s so adorable and then he’d be like ‘i’ll prove it’ and kiss you super rough and then bing bong bedroom time.

Yugyeom- He would be so shy about it! People think he’s all smooth but let’s be real for a second okay. He’d be talking about some show or something like he always is and you would be trying SO HARD TO PAY ATTENTION but watching his mouth is like holding candy in front of a child you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from just leaning forward and kissing him lightly 100% catching him by surprise and he would stutter slightly before blushing and then he wouLD KEEP TALKING BECAUSE HE NEVER STOPS TALKING.

and of course I bombarded @derrickhill with gramander AU idea where Newt and Percival adopt a de-aged Credence because it’s an excuse for me to write about:

Percival just babysitting BECAUSE PLEASE STOIC MAN PERCIVAL GRAVES CUDDLING A CUTE NAPPING BABY.

And Newt goes all awwww you’re not the big bad man you try so hard to portray.

Like can you imagine Percival bouncing Credence in his arms, humming an old song and walking around until the baby falls asleep and Newt goes heart eyes BECAUSE HE IS SO CUTE OH MY GOD.

OR Newt and Percy having to bathe Credence who is squirming around so Percy has to conjure up bubbles that pop against Newt’s nose and the baby laughs AND IM DEAD BECAUSE NOW PERCY IS TELLING NEWT TO MIND HIS HEAD AS HE SHIELDS CREDENCE’S EYES FROM THE WARM WATER AND NEWT FEELS LIKE SWOONING.

CREDENCE CALLS PERCY NUNCLE WITH A SLIGHT LISP AND HE CALLS NEWT, NEWTY.

Credence crawls into the bed and sleeps in the middle of Newt and Percival and softly demands his nuncle for a bedtime story.

So percy tells him about the story of Newty The Dragon Tamer and Credence falls asleep clutching at his purple dragon plushie toy with Newt’s arm surrounding him and with Percy spelling the room with dotted stars on the ceiling in case Credence gets up in the middle of the night.

And when Newt is in between being awake and falling asleep, there’s a warm press of lips against his forehead and a soft murmur of goodnight and love you being whispered into the night.

sidsass  asked:

your tags about geno stretching before sex have me laughing so hard right now omg

Sidney was exhausted once he literally just went to bed while Geno was in mid-stretch. wakes up the next morning like “??? it’s morning?? oh man the sex must’ve been good”

Geno: I mean. we didnt have at all. you fell asleep before i finish warmup. i watch tv by myself. 
Sid: fuck im sorry i was so tired. 
Geno: it’s okay. I ate your leftover Ben n Jerry. We even.

im laughing so hard just thinking about hawkmoth running out of butterflies. what if he ran out of butterflies??

“oh darn diddly i’m so mad i want to commit arson” says a random parisian

hawkmoth sighs contentedly. “the smell of anger is such a wonderful aroma to wake up to. despair is a planting ground for a new hope. now, fly my litt—”

the man paused, the atmosphere around him deadly quiet. not that it wasn’t a nice touch, little to no ambiance was a key factor in being evil. but in this case, the spacious observatory should have been swelled with the soft flutters of a butterfly’s wings. or maybe about 200 of them.

hawkmoth looked around him. not a butterfly in sight. he scowled.

“the time has finally come, hasn’t it,” the villian sighed dejectedly. “i never thought i’d ever have to do this…”

marinette was a heavy sleeper. that’s actually a lie. one of the many excuses she had to make for herself. her personal favorite was “i’m a vegan” when asked why she ate a flower. but that’s beside the point.

it was a nice saturday afternoon, no homework to worry about until at least 6 pm on sunday. so marinette, being a teenage girl with an unimaginable lack of sleep, was in fact asleep, and had been since 9 pm that night. her parents and tikki didn’t have the heart to try to wake her up, so they let her sleep. chat noir may or may not have knocked on her balcony door like a lost kitten begging for food and affection at 1 am, but if he did he didn’t have the heart to wake her up either.

marinette was probably dreaming about adrien or chat noir in some super significant dream that would lead to an emotional identity reveal. but it didn’t matter anymore because tikki, then sleeping next to her chosen comfortably, began blaring the most agitating beeping noise known to man. that meant someone was calling her on her compact (aka her magical smartphone that could not download pokemon go smh).

she nearly fell off her bed, which would have hurt a lot considering her bed is ridiculously high up like wth. quickly getting to her feet, marinette did her magical girl transformation and transformed into ladybug and answered her compact.

“WHAT’S THE SITCH,” she said absolutely calm and collected and definitely not screaming.

“you are not kim possible,” said a dark and evil man voice.

“i am kim possible,” argued ladybug.

“no.”

“:(”

ladybug was getting anxious now. how had this dark and evil man voice know she was not kim possible?? does it know she’s ladybug?????? before she could find the answers to either of those questions, the voice spoke again.

“where are my butterflies.”

“what,” ladybug questioned. she was confused.

“i said where are my butterflies.”

“who the heck are you.”

“i am hawkmoth.” !!! gasp!!!!! hawkmoth had gotten hold of her compact’s number!!!!

“WHSJNDEJS GO AWAY WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME.”

“I NEED MY BUTTERFLIES BACK.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE THEM??”

“NO.”

“ok,” ladybug replied composedly. she 1) got really tired of yelling and 2) she did not want her parents to come upstairs and see their daughter ladybug screaming at hawkmoth over the phone.

“you sent them off into space i need butterflies to make akumas you frick.”

“hawkmoth!! language.”

“shut your fuck i’m old enough to be adrien’s dad.”

“what?”

“what?”

there was silence on the line for a while. why would he single out this kid adrien??? could he mean????? adrien agreste?????

speak of the angel, teenage heartthrob adrien agreste just so happened to open the trapdoor to marinette’s room right then, staring down at his phone. he paused and looked up, his beautiful olive green eyes widening at the red and black clad superheroine standing heroically by the desk, one foot resting on her desk chair with the other planted firmly on the floor. she turned her warm blue eyes toward him, face turning as red as her suit in an instant. adrien felt his baby cheeks grow to a boil.

as if to break the tension, he spoke, his voice silvery and light,

“there’s a growlithe in here.”

“o shit really,” ladybug and hawkmoth sounded in unison.

dating nct dream; chenle ver.

this is probably gonna be kinda really long


-this boy is probably as clueless as jisung smh

-but he knows the simple things!!

-hand holding, hugging, etc

-and leT ME EXPLAIN

-how he fell in love~~~~~

-as in love as an 01 liner can

-ok so chenle first met you at school

-well, the first time he saw you he didnt really meet you

-so he was wandering down the halls like the cool kid he is!!!

-and he was about to go in the music room bc what else does this nerd do with his life

-he had the day off from training too so like

-why not mess around in a place he loves!!!

-so he’s about to walk in but then

-GASP

-HE HEARS

-A VOICE

-SINGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-FROM INSIDE THE ROOM!!

-how cliche is this smh

-ANYWAYS HE HEARS A VOICE SINGING

-and he immediately mELTS

-“omg angels are real i cant tell anyone abOUT THIS”

-so he slowly opens the door just a bit and looks in and sees someone sitting on a chair, back turned to him and has headphones on

-so you dont notice him at all bc your back is to the door and your headphones are top notch af!!!

-chen’s just standing there at the door like a creeper and all he can think about is “i wanna marry them”

-he listens to you singing your lil heart out for a lil bit longer but his smol heart cant handle it

-he’s already too in love with you

-so he’s like “I GOTTA GO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT HOW IN LOVE I AM WITH THE PERSON IN THAT ROOM” so he dASI RUN RUN RUNS AWAY AND SHUTS THE DOOR

-and you just didnt notice at all

-so he runs back to the dorms and bursts through the door dramatically screaming “I NEED HELP”

-the rest of the dream team are like “omg what’s wrong are you dying”

-but he’s just like “MY HEART FEELS FUNNY IT KEEPS BEATING (and noT BC I RAN HOME) AND I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA THROW UP BUT IN A GOOD WAY AND LIKE I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT ONE THING" 

-he doesnt know he’s in love and i just what a cutiepie omg

-jaemin stares at him for a second before falling on the floor laughing

-mark’s trying to contain himself but it’s too cute to not laugh 

-“chen chen listen to me i think youre in love man” -jaemin

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN” -chenle, pterodactyl screeching

-mark tries to calm him down while also getting the juicy gossip 10/10 “it’s ok dude, tell hyungs who it is

-and then jisung like, slides in and is like "yeah chen tell HYUNGS WHO IT IS” which makes chen hit him

-chen gets kinda sad and freezes “oh my god… i dont know”

-“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW YOURE IN LOVE WITH THEM” jisung screams

-“I DIDNT SEE THEIR FACE I JUST HEARD THEM SINGING”

-so he spends the next 5 days trying to find out who it is

-asking everybody to sing for him, getting dragged away by jeno and renjun

-“we’re sorry for him” -ren and jeno trying to do damage control

-“NO I NEED TO FIND OUT IF THEYRE THE ONE” chen, as he’s struggling against his friends

-ok so like, that obviously fails so chen’s sad for the next 5903 years

-and he’s like “im never gonna fall in love again”

-and the dream team are like"IM SICK OF THIS LET’S JUST HELP HIM FIND HIS DREAM GIRL/BOY”

-“that’s so much work tho” -hae

-“*cue ren grabbing him by his collar, eyes bloodshot and clearly distressed* YOU TRY BEING THE ONE HE GOES TO WHENEVER HE MISSES HIS ONE TRUE LOVE YOURE GOING TO HELP US WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT”

-jaemin has to drag him away but ren keeps screeching

-so one of the boys sneak into like, every vocal class to listen to everybody sing for like 2 weeks but they still cant find the one 

-chen keeps saying “NO IT’S NOT ANGELIC ENOUGH IT’S NOT THEM" 

-so he nearly gives up bc he thinks it’s just not meant to be :ccc

-also, chen’s the type to walk pass the music room dramatically, staring at the door as he does so 

-so he’s doing that one time but woah. W O A H!!! HE HEARS THE VOICE AGAIN

-“omg fuk chen be a man and aSK THEM FOR THEIR NAME” -chen, screaming at himself

-so he slowly opens the door and woAH IT’S YOU

-he knocks on the door but you dont notice, your headphones on again so he takes a deep breath and walks over 

-he taps your shoulder lightly which makes you sCREAM AND FALL OFF YOUR CHAIR

-chen is so red omg

-“im so sorry i didnt mean to do that!!!!!!!!”

-YOURE ON THE FLOOR AND SCRAMBLING TO GET UP AND HE’S STILL APOLOGIZING 

-“im so sorry omg!!!!!!!!!!" 

-"it’s ok man” -you, laughing really hard at yourself and him

-“im… im chenle and ive been looking for you for like… forever-” chen turns ever redder bc it sounds so creepy coming from his mouth

-“i know who you are. how do you know me?" 

-chen’s brain short circuits and all he can think about is "OH MY GOD YOU KNOW ME” and he accidentally says it out loud

-“everybody in this school knows you, youre in nct dream…”

-he feels embarrassed bc he didnt remember

-you glance at the clock and see that it’s almost time for your guardian to pick you up 

-so you just tell him “well i have to go but im y/n. i come here every tuesday if you need me." 

-and you grab your backpack and sling it over your shoulder

-and he looks like a fish opening his mouth and closing it trying to say something but you just look so cool doing that and im!!!!!!!

-so just as youre about to leave he’s like 

-"i really like your voice”

-he like BLURTS it out he sounds all choked up and stuff omg

-and you pause for like, an hour before you turn around and look at him 

-“thanks." 

-you sound really shy and cute and adorable omg

-the last thing you say is "i like yours too” before you walk away like nothing happened

-as soon as you close the door behind you and leave, chen COLLAPSES

-HE FALLS ONTO HIS KNEES AND CURLS INTO A BALL

-the rest of the dream team probably crawl out of the closet or something inside the room 

-they stare at chen’s half-dead body for a bit before jisung says something

-“is he ok" 

-"lol when is he ever” -ren

-so chen’s laying on the ground in a ball

-and mark’s just like “i never signed up to be a parent when i auditioned but w/e dude”

-so he walks over and picks chen up like it’s their wedding day or somethin smh and has to like, carry him back home

-so every tuesday he meets up with you in the music room 

-at first you were like “uh but why would you wanna be here when you can be with your idol friends”

-but after a bit you got used to it

-and you would like, wait for him to arrive before you started doing anything

-and your school is probably one of those school with vending machines and stuff smh fancy af 

-so whenever you bought a drink or a snack, you’d buy one for him too

-which makes chen just falls in love with you even more bc “omg, they think of me when im not there woAH "even tho it’s just like, a drink or something

-so the first few times, it would just be you singing and him listening 

-but after the fourth time he swung on over to you in the music room you were like "dont you wanna sing too?”

-and chen’s just like “omg, uh i sing a lot already and i really like your voice”

-but youre just like “i like your voice too. do you wanna sing with me?”

-so when he hears you say that, he’s like “oh.. oh…… i………IF YOU WANNA”

-and you know that song jungkook and lady jane sang on masked singer (here’s the link if you havent heard it: x)

-well youre like “do you know this song??” (HINT IT’S THE SONG I LINKED ABOVE WINK) and you sing a smol part of it for him

-he literally melts in his seat bc your voice is so angelic and you sang the part of the song where it was like “im in love”

-he manages to nod tho

-so you two sing together (what a bunch of cuties omg) and after you guys finish, chen is LITERALLY ON CLOUD 9

-and all you say is “we sounded nice together” before grinning and he just awkwardly chuckles and scratches the back of his neck 

-“yeah, yeah we did" 

-and when you leave this time, youre like "i’ll see you later chen” and leave 

-chen’s dying again bc “omg they called me chEN INSTEAD OF CHENLE WE’RE PRACTICALLY MARRIED”

-when you guys pass each other in the halls you two smile at each other but dont interact much bc he doesnt want crazy fans to hurt you :cc

-this lil duck’s way of confessing was so cute and cliche

-the next tuesday, he was like “i gotta do this today!! i must confess!!!!!!!!” so he like practices what he’s gonna say over and over again

-he probably uses ren as a practice test

-and when it’s finally tuesday, you head to the music room but chen’s already there!!

-“oh hey what’s up man” -you

-“HOW DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING’S UP”

-“you look really nervous”

-and he just like shrivels up into a ball but he is a man!!!!! he can do this!!!!!!!!!!!

-and he like, sings you a really cute ballad and asks you out

-your heart is pounding and your face is probably really red

-youre standing there and not saying anything so chen gets really scared

-but then you say “oh my god” really quietly and then “of course you idiot oh my gosh” and shove him lightly

-after you two started dating, chen tries his best to walk with you to school and walk you home too what a cutiepie ;-;

-just saying now chen is a clueless MESS (in the cutest way possible!!!)

-like, if he sees a doggo on the way to school with you

-HE HAS TO PET IT

-it doesnt matter if the guy with the doggo is scary

-HE GOTTA

-if there’s a van with the sign “free candy” in badly written handwriting

-”THAT LOOKS NICE, Y/N WE GOTTA GO GET SOME CANDY”

-whenever you two sing duets all chen can look at is you

-especially if it’s a love song

-youre always on his mind and he cant ever find words that explain how much he loves you so he tries to write songs for you

-for your one year anniversairy he wrote a song for you and sang it in the music room where you two met

-he smiles really hard when he sees you, his face squishes up and it’s sO CUTE UGH

-he hugs you as a greeting after you two started dating

-i feel like chen would love giving you forehead kisses omg

-if he’s going away on a trip or a tour or something, he’d leave voice messages for you of him singing or telling you he loves you or something oh my gosh

-he’s such a sweet boy and he loves you so much

-he would honestly give you the world 

-and you would too!! because you love him just as much as he loves you ♡

Taylor and those cars

-Since i haven’t wrote in foreverrrrrrr smut for my dirty minded mofos~

“Babbbbbbbe”
“Yes baby girl”
“How much longer is this gonna take”
“Not long babe i promise and when we get home i will show you how sorry i am”

I groaned and threw my head back… I was sitting in a car dealership with my boyfriend of 1 year, Taylor Caniff and he was buying a new customized car that costed a fortune. I hated Taylor when he was in the car dealership because i was just a shadow while he focused on his new car that he would spend to much time with. Even when me and taylor where growing up as next door neighbors he was so interested in cars.

30 mins later………………………………..
Taylor was signing some papers and i was sleep quietly while he did so. Sooner or later i felt Taylor’s big strong arms carry me outside and put me down on the ground.

Taylor handed me the key of the new white Range Rover. I was confused one because i just woke up and why tf was he handing me the keys.

“Surprise princess”
“Taylor what” i said still confused
“Shes all yours baby, look”
I turned my head and saw my name engraved in pink writing on the side of the car.

“Are you serious”
“Yeah”
My smile got bigger and bigger by the minute i ran up and hugged taylor and he kissed my lips
“You know i have to spoil my princess”
“Thank you thank you thank you”
“What are you waiting for get in”
I quickly opened the door and started the car i was so excited i didn’t know what to do.

And then i got an idea. While i was driving home i would occasionally rub his thigh and he would look at me weird but i knew what i was doing.

When we walked into the house Taylor decided to order a pizza and clean some dishes so i took the advantage. I changed into some Lacey panties with one of Taylor’s shirts and one of his bandanas on my head.

I walked down stairs and saw he was sitting on the couch. I went up to him and he smiled at my appearance and i climbed on his lap and he gripped my hips. I started to kiss down his jaw line and down to his neck. Leaving marks everywhere i desire.

“Daddddy” i moaned
Taylor groaned and shifted in his seat
That was Taylor’s favorite and never failed to turn him on.
“Y/N” taylor said a little unsteady
“Your baby misses daddy’s big fat cock i haven’t had it in sooo long”

And thats how i got to him as soon as i said that he picked me up and carried me to our room. He laid me on the bed and immediately removed his shirt.

I smirked to myself knowing what i did to Taylor. He removed the shirt i had on and froze when he saw no bra and his favorite panties on me.

Taylor smacked my ass and i yelped.
“Your so fucking naughty i would punish you but daddy needs you baby”

I gripped the waistband of his joggers and pulled them down slowly. Taylor kissed down my body leaving marks along the way. He pulled down my panties and began to work at my sensitive area he stuck two fingers in and out very fast and licked furiously at my heat.

“Da-daddy i missed your tongue soo much I’m gonna come soon”
Taylor removed his fingers and tongue and i whimpered at the lost of contact. Taylor went off to find a condom and he came back fully protected.

“You ready baby”
I shook my head and then taylor plunged into me. A tear rolled down my eyes from the pain and Taylor kissed my cheek for comfort

After a while taylor started to thrust faster and faster and the pleasure was unbearable. We were so close and intimate i loved every single second of it. All you heard was skin slapping against skin and the sounds of or uncontrollable moans.
“God you feel so good around me”
Taylor slapped my ass as he hit my sweet spot
“Im c-uming Im c-umming daddy”
“Taylor b-ab-yy” i screamed while reaching my climax
Taylor released 20 seconds after me and we rode out our highs. After we caught our breath taylor pulled out and threw the condom away and came to back to cuddle with me
“I love you sooo much babe” i said while kissing his bare sweaty chest
“ i love you more than you can imagine princess”
“You know the next time will be in my new car though” we both laughed
“Oh i know i have plans for tomorrow baby” taylor said

I giggled as we drifted off to sleep thanking god for giving me the most wonderful man in the world

~hey guys i have had alottttt going on and im working hard on these imagines so here is something since i haven’t posted in a while. Something short and sweet. And guys i am taking request and looking for co owners😊😊😊😊~
Micah

OH MY GOD.

I just walked by two old people who must be friends and the old man asked “have you fallen lately?” And that had me laughing, but the old lady’s return waS EVEN BETTER. Without missing a beat she replied “Well, I don’t mean to BRAG…but I haven’t” IM LAUGHING SO HARD. OLD PEOPLE ARE BRAGGING ABOUT NOT FALLING RECENTLY.