oh look what else i did while my internet was down

My kid does 13K in damage to studio equip, we handle it like lunatics.

[Part 1]

Some background:

I’m an audio engineer and score arranger full time in my self-owned business. It’s how I provide for myself, my fiancée (also CF), and my mother. I record, mix, and master for bands, voice-overs for local commercials, and write music for people’s weddings, college films, indie games, etc.. It was my passion since I was a child and every day I ask myself why I get paid to do what I do.

You know, until today.

I had a woman schedule to come in because she wanted me to record her monologue for an acting class. I thought it was going to be easy enough. I set up a mic and a music stand in the sound booth and got my workstation prepped for tracking. She was supposed to show up at 3:30, so when 4:00 came around, I called her to ask her if she was still coming. It was my last contract for the day and I was wanting to get home to my fiancée, dogs, and dinner.

“Oh, sorry sweetie, I’m going to be there soon. I just had to get my son from ex-boyfriend.”

Uh oh.

4:12, she showed up with her child.

To preface, I’ve never really wanted kids, and don’t really hate them either. But I’ve been childfree of mind for a decade now in league of several bad child experiences in public.

Anyway, I sat her down at the conference table and tried to talk to her about the contract and billing, etc., and just couldn’t because of the six-years-old pile of ovary droppings next to her.

“Mommy it’s cold in here.” “Mommy, I’m bored.” “Mommy, that guy has girl hair.” “Mommy, I want to play on the phone.”

The incessant whining went on for the entirety of the discussion. She did nothing about it. I had an ache in my stomach that this might be a rough session.

I was right.

I showed her to the sound booth, positioned the mic at face level, told her the basics of mic use, and then she floored me with a question.

“Can my son stay in there with you while I do this?” I insisted that he wait in the conference room (across the hall from the control room) because the control room wasn’t a very kid-friendly place considering the 120K of equipment at arms reach.

“But he’s a little angel.”

I shouldn’t have taken her word for it. I SHOULD NOT have taken her word for it. This kid was ANYTHING but. I let him in, told him to sit in one of the office chairs and don’t touch anything. Needless to say, he touched. I queued the recording arm and signaled her to start. She got three lines into her take before I hear a deafening screech and crash.

That little shit machine had just knocked over a $4,000 Korg into a rack with $9,500 of equipment. Completely shattered the touchscreen on the Korg, busted the dials off of half of the effects, and totaled my distressor that I use for almost all the vocals I track.

All of this, by the way, was the room’s length apart from where I told the crotch goblin to stay.

The kid, because of the loud noise, started full-lung screaming. Not crying. Not yelling. Screaming.

The mother, with no hesitation, ran over to the control room and DEMANDED to know what I did to her child. She cussed at me and accused me of hurting her little snot monster. Threatened to sue and even swung at me. When I told her that her precious angel had just racked up at least twelve grand of damages, she said “good”, spit on me, then stormed out, slamming every door on the way. So I pulled the security camera footage and had filed a police report. Grand total: $13,504.25. I also mailed her the bill for her session for good measure.

Of six years in the studio, this is my only truly terrible experience. Fuck mombies. Fuck having children. Thanks for making my vasectomy decision that much easier on me.

[Part 2]

Keep reading

Post-Kerberos! Matt HC

★ When the rebellion group helped him escape, he just ended up sticking with them and eventually became one of the best fighters there???

★ He doesn’t have any idea where his dad is, but scavenges through old Galran tech to hopefully find out.

★ The group is pretty much amazed by humans and low-key terrified of them bc of Matt 

★ He dislocated his shoulder once and the group was like, “it’s horrible to see another one go,,,,” and Matt was just like “???? i can put it back in place????” 

  • Matt: Guys,,,,stop crying,,,,this can be fixed,,,,,
  • Rebellion leader: i saw a dear friend die bc of that, there is no survival
  • Matt: *silently puts in back in place*

★ He has a scar over his right eye bc of the Galra

★ The Galra also found out he needed glasses and basically went, “well we can’t have The Champions friend like this!” and injected some weird shit into his eyes. Matt no longer needs glasses, but his eyes change colors depending on his mood and who he’s talking too

★ Matt, talking to keith as his eyes turn red: And so– why the fuck are you pulling out your sword?

Keith, seeing Matt’s eyes turning yellow as he talks to Hunk: “Uhm guys? Are we sure that Matt isn’t Galra?”

  • “I am right here”

★ When he first heard of Voltron his main thought was, “Well that sounds lit” but when he hears that ‘The Champion’ aka Shiro is their leader, he immediately turns into that Mr.Krabs meme

★ Somehow some people find a picture of the paladins and everybody is just “???? the tiny one resembles matt”

★ Matt automatically realizes it’s Katie and that the red paladin is Keith and just,,,screams for roughly 5 hrs

★ Why is everyone he knows up in space? He has no fucking clue but w/e

★ Makes it a personal mission to track down Voltron for himself and the rebellion

★ They end up showing up eventually to make allies

★ The Paladins talk to some civilians first, so Allura and Coran meet up with the Rebellion leader

  • “Number 5?! How’d you get here so quickly??” “Funny story actually,,,”
  • The real Pidge shows up like 0.5 seconds later
  • Pidge//Katie, tearfully: “MATT”
  • Matt, nearly sobbing: Oh shit waddup

★ Keith screams at him for a solid 10 minutes before tearing up

  • “It’s okay. I know you’re gay and texan already, Keith”
  • “I fucking hate you”

★ There’s a tie between whether Pidge or Shiro cried more

★ Allura: I’m princess Allura and you are?
    Matt:
single and willing–i meAN MATT

 ★ **Takes in Katie’s appearance** “Well, one of us is going to have to change”

★ **Inspecting Shiro’s arm** “Yo, your weapon is just a bitch slap”

★ “,,,,,you guys do realize Allura just picked your lions off of your clothes right???” “No she–holy shit”

★ “whY DON’T YOUR LIONS HAVE SEAT BELTS?! YOU’RE GONNA DIE AT 6 SHIRO”

  • He essentially spends his time pointing out problems with basically everything tbh

★ “Why does Voltron represent the olympic rings??”

★ He realizes Keith has a crush on Lance in like a couple of days

  • “weLL I HEARD YOU GOT A SPECIAL SOMEONE ON THE SIDE, KEITH”
  • “Listen here, you piece of shit”

★ Slowly comes to the realization that he likes both Shiro and Allura

  • “Coran have you ever heard of a pickle?”

★ He helps Coran around the castle and stuff

  • “And this is the Teludav” “Y’all have fucking teletubbies here?”

★ Him and Hunk team up to annoy Shiro and Lance with puns

  • “I’m just over the moon with excitement”
  • “Aren’t you glad i’m not lion in the cold depths of space??”

★ Him and Slav get along pretty well

  • Shiro hates it

★ “In this timeline, there is a 42% chance of you getting together with the two of them.” “Thanks buddy”

★ “Why did you choose five kids to defend the universe there’s so many ways this could go wrong”

★ Him and Hunk set up the lions to play “What’s new pussycat?” 7 times with one “It’s not unusual” before resuming ‘What’s new pussycat?’

  • “For years, scientist have wondered if you can make 3 teens, 1 adult, and 3 aliens weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’ “It’s not unusual”.”

★ Lance is amazed by how smooth his skin is

  • Like, you’ve been in space for 2 years???? And majority of that was with the Galra??? Tell me your secret

★ Everyone figures out Matt’s crush on both Allura and Shiro and try to get them together

  • One plan consisted of a rock, 15 cups of nunvil, and a very upset bounty group.

★ Matt actually likes nunvil

★ The Lions all take a liking to him and everyone would be salty, but he looks adorable when he talks to them so they deal with it

★ Pidge voice: I’ve banned Hunk because he kept messing with my shit but now—
    Matt voice: yO I GOT MARIO KART RUNNING ON THIS

★ He appreciates the fact that Hunk points out all the weird shit that’s going on while everyone else just accepts it

★ “Do you think i could install the internet to my mind?”
★ **sees all the upgrades Pidge added to Green** “yO—YO!”

★ Anytime Shiro or Allura do anything remotely romantic to him, ‘What the heck i gotta do’ starts blasting from the Green Lion

★  Allura called his ears cute once, and nobody saw him for 6 hrs until Lance found him frantically grabbing Altean romance novels while whispering, “what does it mean?!”

★ They go to a planet where it’s considered normal to have more than one partner

  • Coran convinces the newly dubbed “Poly triangle” to pretend they’re actually dating for reasons unknown
  • They pull it off so well that the Aliens eventually ask when they’re gonna get married
  • Everyone had vastly different reactions

★ “You guys are fighting Zarkon right? Why don’t you just turn him Zarkoff?”

★ Hunk voice: Um, guys, what are those things?
    Obviously annoyed Matt voice: Aliens. 
    Different ranges of offended Allura, Coran and Keith voices: Excuse me?

★ “I’m fucking tired. beam me up, Scotty”

★ Keith, kneeling down on one knee: “Matt, Allura, will you do me the honor of marrying my stupid brother?”

★ “Voltron? More like Dabtron.”

  • “How do I return a brother?”

★ “caTCH THESE GAY HANDS ZARKON”

★ Tried to convince Shiro to let him Pidge and Hunk install a laser gun sound effect or the lightsaber noise to his arm

★ Once, he finally found the courage to tell Shiro and Allura that he liked them but they mistook it as him saying he enjoyed their company or smth along those lines

  • He tried to throw himself out the airlock afterwards

★ Lotor eventually shows up and everyone is tense bc he’s shown interest in the Blue Lion

★ Lotor sees Matt, and just pushes Lance out of the way: Hello there ;)

  • Everyone pretends not to notice Shiro’s eye twitch and Allura breaking the weapon she was holding
  • Lance was offended at first but seeing their reactions made it worth it

★ Matt is oblvious to Lotor’s attempts though

  • Everytime he gets close, Matt just assumes it’s some weird galra thing

★ “Raindrops on roses, Allura’s white hair, Shiro’s back muscles and Allura’s eyes. These two could probably kick his ass and they’re a few of Matt’s favorite things”

★ Obviously exasperated Pidge voice: You guys just need to bone
    Stern Matt voice: What did you say?
    Pleading Hunk voice: Please don’t say it again
    Not Caring Pidge voice: I said you guys need to bone
    Shocked, Furious Matt voice: B O N E!?

★ They visit a planet with very tall aliens and of course shenanigans ensure

★ Keith voice: Y’know Allura, Shiro, you should probably hold Matt’s hand, so he can’t get lost everyone around here is pretty tall

  • **Disappointed, obviously knows what you’re doing Shiro Glare**
  • Completely oblivious, already grabbing Matt’s hand Allura voice: Of course! We wouldn’t want that!”
  • **Undignified, silent squeal from Matt**

★ Hunk voice: The stars sure are beautiful tonight
    Lance voice: Y’know what else is beautiful?
    Pidge and Keith voices: A loving relationship between Matt, Shiro and Allura

★ Eventually, the time comes where there’s a serious fight that both Shiro and Allura have to go through alone, and Matt freaks tf out and terribly confesses to the both of them:

  • “Okay, listen tf up. I can’t do that dramatic thing where I pull you down and kiss you and say, ‘Come back to me’ since there’s two of you. But I will say that I love you both, and if you dont come back i’m taking out the entire Galran Empire myself”

★ Allura and Shiro are both shocked but Matt is already fast walking away so they can’t say anything

  • They come back and make a beeline for him
  • “LISTNE IVE KNOWN HIM LONGER PRINCESS”
  • “I QUIZNAKING SAVED YOUR BUTT BACK THERE I GET TO KISS HIM FIRST”
  • Allura makes it to him first

★ Keith cries, Pidge and Hunk pull out a confetti cannon they made for this occasion, Lance falls to his knees in victory, Coran pulls out a cake. Everything is good in the Universe.


[Read Part One// Pre! Kerberos! Matt HC here!]

Our Secret

Originally posted by kulo-ren

Charachters: Reader x Jughead

Word Count: 1,109

Warnings: None?

Anon Request: Can u do an imagine about being jug’s gf but no one knows and when he gets in a fight with reggie and stand up for him? 

A/N: I had fun writing this one, I hope y'all enjoy it!


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His lips smashed onto yours passionately and you kissed back with just as much eagerness. Your hands knotted it’s way in his hair lightly pulling every now and then, while his hands left small bruises from where his fingertips dug into your hips. 

 You moaned quietly only spurring him on further. His lips left yours and quickly found their way to your jawline. Kissing his way down your neck, leaving his mark on you. But you didn’t care, all you wanted was him. 

 You pulled him back to your lips where your tongues wrestled for dominance, but you had no chance of winning. Suddenly you heard footsteps and immediately jumped away from each other and tried to make yourselves look like you hadn’t just spent the last 10 minutes heavily making out. 

 You peered around the corner the both of you had been hiding behind and saw Archie walking down the hall. You pulled out your phone to inspect the marks on your jaw and neck and immediately cursed. 

“Fucking hell Jughead, how the hell am I supposed to hide these!?” You exclaimed quietly as you tried to shift your shirt to hide them, but that didn’t work. He pulled off his sweatshirt and offered it to you which you gratefully took, the over sized jacket effectively did the job. You left the corner you both had been occupying first so as not to seem suspicious. 

For the entirety of your relationship you both tried to hide the fact that you were dating, not wanting any of the drama that it would bring. “Hey Y/n.” Archie greeted. Jughead appeared from around the corner. “Oh… hey…” Archie greeted him awkwardly before leaving. 

“What was all that about?” You asked him as his hand found its way on your hip. “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” He practically spat as he watched Archie walk away. “Whatever you say, now come on, lets go to the lounge, I needed to ask Betty for some notes.” He nodded and the both of you made your way to the said room. 

 You and Jug walked over to where Betty, Veronica and Kevin were. “Hey Betty, can you lend me those notes for that class I wasn’t able to make it to last week?” “Of course.” She said as she went digging through her backpack. Kevin was the first to notice your sweatshirt. “Hey isn’t that Jughead’s jacket?” He asked as he shot the two of you a look.

“I-I.” “She was cold, I lent it to her.” “Yeah, yep. That’s- yeah I was cold and he let me borrow it.” You winced at your obvious lie but prayed they’d buy it. Kevin gave the both of you another look before deciding to drop the subject, at that moment they all heard Reggie start to speak up, this time it was about Jason Blossom’s death.

“And Sheriff Keller’s grilling me, Mantle the Magnificent. ‘Cause I’d want Blossom dead. When he was, like, the only good quarterback we had.” He looked over at Moose who had been smiling. 

“And speaking of offensive tight-ends, I should’ve sent the cops to you, Moose. Because here’s another unsolved mystery. What exactly were you and Kevin doing at the river, huh? Or does being with the sheriff’s son give you a free pass Keller?” Reggie was clearly trying to start something with anyone who’d listen. 

 "Reggie’s just being a blowhard, Kev.“ You heard Betty tell Kevin. "I don’t care what he says. I mean, let’s think about it. If a kid at Riverdale killed Jason, it’s not gonna be a jock, right? Now, let’s be honest. Isn’t it always some spooky, scrawny, pathetic Internet troll, too busy writing his manifestos to get laid? Some smug, moody, serial killer fanboy freak… like Jughead?" 

Everyone looked at Jughead while Reggie laughed. Jughead just glared back in response as he leaned against one of the many counters. "What was it like, Suicide Squad? When you shot Jason? You didn’t do stuff to the body, did you? Like After?” Jughead rolled his eyes. 

 "It’s called necrophilia, Reggie, can you spell it?“ "Come here, you little-.” Reggie had hopped over one of the couches when Archie came out of nowhere and immediately blocked a blow that was was meant for Jughead’s face. “Hey shut the hell up, Reggie.” “What do you care, Andrews?” Reggie threatened.

 "Nothing, just leave him alone.“ "Holy crap. Did you and Donnie Darko kill him together? Was it some sort of pervy, blood brother thing?” You snorted when he said that as you thought about what actually had taken place between you and Jughead on July 4th. “What’s so funny you introverted freak.” Reggie asked as he stared you down. 

“Nothing just… I think it’s funny how you are such a dick all the time. I wonder if this stupid massive ego you always use is to make up for something. Are you lacking a little in the size department?” You asked with a cheeky grin. Everyone started laughing while Reggie just started at you with absolute hatred before a thought crossed his mind making him smile evilly. 

“Oh, I get it. I bet you were another accomplice in this whole scheme. Which one of you held Jason down while the other killed him, huh?” “I cant say anything for Archie but I know for a fact that Jughead and I were not at all near Sweetwater River during the time of Jason’s death. So go try your little theories somewhere else.” You instantly regretted your words when you realized what you said. 

 Reggie smirked as everyone else watched with curiosity. “And what’s that supposed to mean dork? What could you two have possibly been doing that could be used as a credible alibi?” He asked with an eyebrow raised. You opened your mouth but no words came out. 

 "Because we’re dating, and we just happened to be getting more action than you have in your entire life on July 4th, Reggie.“ Jughead replied with a narrowed eyes and a smirk as he pulled you into his side. You along with everyone else in the room gasped. "I thought we weren’t going to tell anyone!?” You whispered loudly.

“Ooooh Reggie got burned!” Someone shouted leading to everyone laughing causing him to storm out of the lounge with a pissed off look. You looked back up at Jughead with awe and confusion all at the same time. “What? I couldn’t let him go off on my girl like that.” He simply stated making you feel all fuzzy inside as you smiled at him widely before kissing him on the cheek making him blush.

stargazer606  asked:

Can you RFA gang being left alone with their new baby for the first time. Like MC had to go grab diapers or something and they are alone with the baby for the first tine

◉ Yoosung 

  • For a while he just watched the baby sleeping
  • He leaned over the crib and contemplated touching the babies little feet
  • But he didn’t want to disturb the infants sleep
  • It was odd for him to be the only one home
  • He wasn’t exactly worried…
  • But it was just strange to think that you weren’t there if he needed help
  • Eventually he got on LOLOL while he waited for you and the baby napped
  • He was in the middle of playing when he heard soft cries coming from the crib
  • It took him a second to remember that you weren’t home
  • Freaked out and jumped up to get the baby
    • “Awww…are we hungry little guy?”
  • He picked him up so delicately and held him in his arms
  • Grabbed a bottle from the fridge and prepared it while rocking the baby
    • “Wanna watch daddy beat some monsters while you eat?” he smiled, “your dad is so good, he can play with one hand!”
  • He felt pretty proud of himself and his multitasking abilities
  • Explained everything he was doing in the game
  • Every now and then he’d stop to give a light kiss to the babies head
  • And he laughed when he got excited at defeating a monster and the baby smiled
    • “Oh! You like that? No one can beat your dad!”
  • He was just about to stop playing when you came home
    • “Oh, he’s awake? How is everything?” you asked
    • “Great, honey. He just ate…and I think he likes watching me play”
  • You laughed as you brought your bags inside
    • “Now don’t start using the baby as an excuse to get online.”
    • “No! He laughed I swear!” he gave you a kiss

◉ Jumin

  • He’s not worried at all when you have to leave and fetch diapers
  • After all, he’s Jumin Han
  • He can handle anything
  • He’s feeling pretty confident until the baby starts crying
  • He holds her at eye level
    • “Now, what’s the matter…”
  • Right, she can’t talk
    • “You’ve just eaten…so you can’t be hungry…”
  • He checks her diaper, but it’s dry
    • “Now, how did MC do this?”
  • He holds her to his chest and starts to pat her back
  • Thinking maybe she needs to burp?
  • After several minutes of her still crying he is starting to get worried
  • He doesn’t want MC to come back and think he can’t handle his child
  • As he begins to rock her he hums a little bit
  • To his surprise she starts to quiet down and relax
    • “Oh? You like that?”
  • He puts on some soft opera music and hums along for her
  • Pretty soon her eyes are closing and she drifts off to sleep
  • Just as you come home
  • You can hear him humming as you creep into the bedroom
  • You smile wide
  • And see him laying her down gently in the crib
  • He closes the door behind you both and silently follows you back to the main room
    • “How was she?” you smile
    • “Just fine, perfect as always,” he kisses you

◉ Zen

  • Ummm…wait, what?
  • Okay he is a little panicky
  • It’s not that he doesn’t want to, but he is scared of doing something wrong
  • Has you show where everything is like 5 times
    • “Zen, babe, you know what to do. Stop psyching yourself out,” you laugh
    • “You’re right…I’m sorry,” he takes a deep breath and holds the baby
  • Watches as you leave the apartment
  • Stares down at the baby in his arms for a while and smiles at how cute she is
  • He doesn’t know what to do at first
    • “Wanna help me run some lines?”
  • Sits with her on the couch and reads from his script
    • “I’ve listened to your lies for the last time, Rebecca!” he reads
  • The baby smiles and coos a little laugh
    • “No, you’re supposed to be upset you little cutie. Don’t worry, we have plenty of time to practice,” he kisses her forehead
  • She’s making little faces and he can’t help but take out his phone
    • “Mommy will want to see this!”
  • He’s taking selfies and short videos and sending them to you
    • “Me and the little actress in training are having a good time! Miss you!”
  • When she falls asleep he doesn’t want to put her down
  • Finally you come home and see them quietly sitting together, her nestled in his arms
    • “Why don’t you put her in her crib?” you say sweetly as you place a hand on his shoulder
  • He’s looking down on her and running a finger on her cheek
    • “I will…in a minute,” he smiles

◉ Jaehee

  • She’s got this honestly 
  • She has the babies whole schedule planned out
  • Feeding and nap times
  • She knows approximately how many diapers you guys go through in a day etc
  • She is supermom
  • And she urges you to go out and get some time for yourself
    • “Bring me back a pastry and a coffee from the cafe, please,” she smiles and calls to you as you leave the apartment
  • Plays her favorite Zen musical on the television while she rocks the baby
    • “This is the best number,” she whispers
  • Sings along to it
  • And the baby smiles
  • She’d never let anyone else hear her singing, though
  • Dances a bit while she rocks the baby
    • “I’ll take you to all of the shows you want when you get a little older. Maybe you’ll be an actor like Zen! Oh, but you don’t have to. You can be anything you want and I’ll still love you”
  • She almost lost track of time and rushes to get a bottle prepared
  • Just as it is warm enough he starts to get fussy
    • “I know, I know, here you go baby”
  • Her favorite thing is feeding him
  • Well, almost favorite thing
  • She loves when he falls asleep after eating
  • Which he always does
  • She places his sleeping frame gently in the crib
  • And presses a finger to her lips to let you know that you need to be quiet as you enter the apartment once again
    • “Your coffee and pastry as requested,” you whisper and hand them to her
    • “Thank you so much, I really needed this,” she sighs and gives you a quick kiss before taking a sip

◉ Saeyoung

  • It’s all fun and games until the reality hits that he’s alone with a tiny human that needs him
  • He’s read enough book and articles on the internet to take care of his own child
  • Sighs and reassures himself
  • Places her in his sling as he makes her a bottle
  • He LOVES baby wearing
  • Keeps his hands free
  • So nervous that he’s acting like he’s never made a bottle before in his life
  • Testing the heat on his skin over and over because he’s worried it might be just a little too warm
  • Finally it’s good enough and he sits down to feed her
    • “You have milk, daddy has chips!”
  • Pops a few HBC in his mouth
  • Drops a couple crumbs on her
    • “Whoops!” wipes them off, “don’t tell mommy” >.>….
  • Notices she looks a little weird
    • “What’s that face? You can’t have any chips yet you don’t have teeth”
  • Takes the bottle from her and starts to pat her back for a burp
  • And she spits up all over him
    • “Noooo! My hoodie!” T_T
  • Okay but he laughs a little
  • Takes it off and throws it in the wash
    • “You’re the first and hopefully the last girl to ever puke on me…you’re lucky you’re cute”
  • Grabs a book and holds her in the rocking chair
    • “I know you’re little, but I think you’ll like this story”
  • Reads to her until she falls asleep
  • And even he is dozing off a bit when you come home
  • You take her from him and put her in the crib
    • “Where is your hoodie?” you ask when you notice he isn’t wearing it
    • “She destroyed it,” he cries
  • You just laugh and laugh
    • “I wish I could have been here to see that,” you kiss him
    • “It’s not funny!” he pouts

This week’s TM highlights:

  • Opens with a Very Dramatic nerf fight
  • “We can show someone googling themselves on the internet, right?” “Well, safe search.”
  • “First question is for Matt.” “Oh, god. Hi.”
  • Matt had Raishan’s next few rounds planned before Keyleth cast the spell.
  • If VM hadn’t gotten to Raishan when they did, Matt considered having her leave and just be out in the world, maybe reappearing in the next campaign.
  • Matt on Grog’s version of beat poetry: “You just… literally beat a poet.”
  • Raishan was Matt’s favorite Conclave member to portray because of all the non-combat interactions
  • Travis grills Liam on the Superbowl after learning he spent it at a vegan Mexican restaurant drinking a spicy margarita. Liam eventually manages to pull out the word “Patriots”.
  • “I fucked it up, god damn you, Andrew from Crit Role Stats!”
  • Vax has found his family, and it’s not Syldor. He’s not looking to get closer to his dad; to him, it’s a done deal and he’s moved on.
  • Travis: “Hahaha, I find myself hilarious.”
  • Sam shows up half an hour late. “Sorry I’m late… but it’s kind of my thing.”
  • Liam calls out Sam for making jokes about wanting one of their characters to die… and then constantly moping in the text thread in the week after Scanlan died
  • Sam’s made it through the first hour of 84 so far. “I mean, I watched the part where they were saving my life and crying about me.” He did actually get choked up over Grog’s song while he was watching it at work.
  • Liam points out that Sam is “the worst kind of foodie” and once critiqued a picture of the pancakes Liam made for his kids.
  • Sam: “I think it would be fun for one of us to die. I just don’t want it to be me!”
  • They show an extended scene from the episode (Grog’s offering) and when they cut back Travis is chin-handsing and batting his eyelashes while everyone else pretends to be asleep
  • Travis gave a lot of thought to how Scanlan’s permadeath would’ve affected Grog. “Pike and Scanlan would be the two things that would just crumble him.” He spent the whole week thinking about Grog’s contribution to the ritual and practiced what he’d say whenever he had quiet moments.
  • If it had failed, Grog might’ve tried the deck.
  • Someone asks if Vax would’ve jumped in on the ritual if Kaylie hadn’t: Liam thinks Vex is closer to Scanlan than Vax is, so if Kaylie hadn’t stepped in, much as he cares about him, Vax still likely wouldn’t have stepped in because he didn’t think Scanlan would’ve answered his call.
  • Sam had no complicated list of demands to get Scanlan back, just how he thought it could or should go
  • Travis was prepared for the possibility of losing the knuckles and the belt. “He was my friend before that.”
  • “If the beard is unattuned–” “That is an amazing sentence.”
  • Scanlan will probably rethink his approach to combat, but Sam isn’t quite sure how that’s going to shake out yet
  • Talks Machina: It’s About Scientology
  • Matt re: the ashes: “Some things are just journeys in learning to trust occasionally…”
  • Matt suggests a post-mortem Talks Machina episode on the entire Conclave arc
  • Critical Role is going to WonderCon this year
  • Grog considers himself a talented magician and the cleverest tactician (Liam: “Sometimes that’s true.”)
  • If the group had gone through Scanlan’s stuff: “It would’ve mostly been weird smut.”
  • Everyone points out that they don’t know enough in-character to feel they should do more than just keep an eye on Scanlan for now
  • Travis on Groon v2: “I’M FUCKING STOKED! …I’m really excited.”
  • Sam doesn’t know how Scanlan was left at the end of the episode, and everyone tells him to not watch the rest of the episode so he can just find out live (”…something about pudding? I saw some strange fanart that I don’t know how to…” “Don’t worry about it.”)

After Dark: the site was down again (verrrrrry glad I’m on a free trial here, because that’s two weeks in a row), but @loquaciousquark recorded all but the first few minutes of it live and sent me the video file right after it was done, because she is magical that way.

  • The armor Matt wears in the opening is the armor he wore in Mythica
  • Sam wants to recreate Hot Pepper Gaming with Liam on their podcast. Travis wants to be the live studio audience.
  • Everyone discusses their various and sundry bizarre live-action turns. Expect to see people digging up clips on all social media in the next few weeks.
  • Sam jokes about a political arc following the Chroma Conclave. “Grog could be Speaker of the House.” Brian: “Grog has a higher intelligence than the real Speaker of the House.”
  • Liam’s son ran a little D&D game for him that ended with the reveal that he was making it all up as he went, which Liam figures is pretty much how D&D is supposed to go.
  • Grog was definitely taken aback by Vax’s sincerity—when playing Grog, Travis is constantly trying to find the joke in things, and Vax’s words were so genuine that Travis got emotional and kind of shut down and had nothing to reply with, which he figures is exactly how Grog would respond.
  • Kima and Allura probably would’ve survived, just because Allura had eight hours of water-breathing at her disposal, but it would’ve taken a long time before they managed to get back home (a Gilligan’s Island-type setup).
  • Brian goes around shaking everyone’s hands, but Travis grabs him and yanks him down with him, and then the crew starts firing nerf darts at them to end the episode.
Flashes (Part 1)

Summary: Soulmate AU. “The fault, dear Brutus is not in our stars, / But in ourselves, that we are underlings.” - William Shakespeare (Julius Caesar)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 1,783

Warnings: language, fluff, wishful thinking, angst, sadness, borderline depression, sarcasm, did I mention language? might be hard to read for lonely hearts like me.

A/N: Well, I did it…at least I tried. The lovely @minervaem challenged me (sort of) to do an angsty story, so here we go. I’m warning you now, it’s not gonna be pretty. Anyways, it’s only four parts, so only pre-existing permanent tags will be added to this story. Reminder: If you want to be removed from the permanent tag list you need to msg me! Sorry in advance. There’s four parts to this story.

Originally posted by heartsnmagic

Keep reading

The Anatomy of a Blowjob

please place all blame squarely on the shoulders of @caramelkru WHERE IT BELONGS

rated M
read on ao3 here

If there’s anything Bellamy has learnt in all his years of life, it’s that the more alcohol someone puts into his friends, the more ridiculous the texts they send him are.

For example, one time Miller messaged him at half one in the morning asking him if he knew where he could find breadfruit because it was ‘super important’. Another time Murphy sent him the entire Bee movie script, which resulted in his number being blocked for at least a month.

Honestly, those aren’t even the worst of it.

Tonight, he’s decided to stay home, so he’s expecting the usual barrage of texts, as well as a slurred phone call around 1am from someone asking if they can either crash on his couch, or for a drop home.

Sometime after nine, his phone buzzes, and he’s halfway through getting ready to tell Octavia that no, he can’t spare a few hours to come hang when he has a veritable mountain of grading to trudge through, but stops short when he sees that it’s Clarke.

[9:24pm] Clarke: are giving blowjobs like riding a bike???

[9:24pm] Clarke: as in, you never forget how to do it no matter how long it’s been??

His phone doesn’t quite slip out of his hand when he reads it, but comes startlingly close to, and he finds himself fumbling to keep it within his grip, accidentally opening his camera in the process. Meanwhile, the pen cap he was gnawing on while marking essays falls out of his mouth.

The text is still there by the time he rights himself and gets back to his messages, and he fucking pinches himself to make sure he’s not dreaming.

Finally, he manages to gather his bearings long enough to type back,

[9:28pm] Bellamy: How the fuck am I supposed to know???

He’s still staring dumbfounded at his phone, trying to wrap his around all of this, by the time she replies, sending several texts in quick succession.

[9:30pm] Clarke: because you’re the only other mga person in our friend group

[9:30pm] Clarke: well, besides raven, but she only ever dated guys before luna and idk luna that well to ask her about this

[9:30pm] Clarke: but you’ve only hooked up with girls for a while before hooking up with a guy right?

[9:30pm] Clarke: so like, was it hard??

[9:30pm] Clarke: pun intended lmao

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

RFA + V & Saeran head-canons with a super ticklish MC? Have a good night!

lololol yas!! love me some tickles ^-^


Yoosung:

  • rule number 1: never tickle Yoosung
  • rule number 2: never let Yoosung tickle you back
  • because
  • hE’S A BEAST WHEN IT COMES TO IT 
  • he knows all the good spots that just make ticklish people go c r a z y
  • how does he know?
  • well, he’s a ticklish baby himself so obviously he’d know his stuff
  • sometimes he’d be the little demon he was and while MC and him were gaming or whatever and he wanted her to lose, he’d do that knee tickle thing 
    • u know that really light tickle that happens when someone drags their fingers across your knee DO YOU UNDERSTAND WAHT I’M SAYING
  • MC literally loses the game immediately after that because it’s too hard to bare!!!!!!!!
  • “YOOSUNG STOP DOING THAT!”

Zen:

  • ho boy
  • he wasn’t the “average tickler” because heheehheehehhehehe
  • dirty Zenny likes to tickle under the shirt 
  • woeowwowoeowoow
  • “MC, come here!”
  • a seemingly un-harmful, happy invite for her to sit on his lap am i right?
  • WRONG
  • the fuckin moment she sits down he shoves his hands up her shirt not that high okay only on her tummy pls get. it. together. 
  • and just TICKLES HER MERCILESSLY 
  • THERE’S NO END TO IT BECAUSE HE LOVES HER GIGGLES AND HER TEARS OF JOY
  • it’s just so adorable and the way MC becomes flushed and red afterwards makes just makes him bsrgneozrusbvnw;orudbjvne;udifbkjl 
  • ya feel?

Jaehee:

  • Baehee has never tickled anyone else other than her neice ok
  • so she was real shook when she found out that MC was ticklish like
  • “I thought those feelings left as you got older? I’m not ticklish myself so..”
  • MC’s left eye starts twitching because she just had the most devious idea
  • *cue tickle attack*
  • too bad because it’s true lmao
  • Jaehee just stood there expressionless like “mc wat r u doin pls staph touching me”
  • but.. but..
  • NO “BUTS” MC BECAUSE NOW JAEHEE IS COMING TO GET U DO U HEAR ME AND DID U KNOW THAT SHE HAS THE BEST TICKLING SKILLZ EVER (she’s one hell of an aunt that’s for sure)
  • “MUHAAHAHAHAAHA MC YOU WON’T BE GETTING OFF THE HOOK UNTIL I TICKLE YOU FOR 5 MINUTES STRAIGHT”
  • omg jaehee so scary what happened to you

Jumin:

  • he found out by accident because
  • they were getting ready for a ~fancy~ night out right
  • and MC was having trouble with those tiny ass buckles on her heels
    • gurls u know whatt i’m talkin about
  • k so Mr. Han being the gentlemanly man he was went about to help her and the moment he touched her ankle
  • LIKE THE LITERALLY 1 SECOND AFTER HIS FINGER BRUSHED THE SIDE OF HER FOOT SHE LET OUT THIS BLOOD CURDLING- 
  • um i mean she chuckled real softly and like super feminine and shit
  • and Jumin just raises his eyebrows and gives her The Look™ of confusion
  • and she’s like “hehe I’m quite ticklish”
  • i’m sorry, what?
  • he’s never heard of that word before so he asks MC to demonstrate (lol) so she tries to tickle him and u would not believe this but
  • he’s SUCH A BIG BABY THIS MAN CAN’T HOLD BACK HIS LAUGHTER YAS

707:

  • bro lbr you SAW IT COMING OK
  • like ph-lease
  • it’s 707, memelord, literal god of the internet and pranks so he obviously thought to tickle MC the very moment he met her
  • and once he found out that she was the most precious and ticklish her person on the planet… he had no mercy 
  • tickles left and right, in the morning, right before bed, even during her beauty sleep??? most definitely. you don’t want tickles while you’re reading? well too bad you’re getting them. tickles in the car are dangerous but does that stop him? no it doesn’t because he lives on edge do u hear me he’s a hacker, a secret agent-
  • right so back on topic:
  •  because he was such a bully and would not let MC go a day without tickles he woke up one day with his hands tied together
  • “Seven, you’re gonna get a taste of your own medicine today.”
  • uh-oh

Saeran:

  • oh mY GOD THIS CHILD
  • he was so lost when MC started laughing because he was poking her sides
  • he thought he was hurting her??? or something because well 
  • i mean she had tears forming in the corner of her eyes
  • and he already stopped poking but she wouldn’t stop laughing just what kind of sorcery
  • “MC, are you okay?”
  • after she finally calmed the f down she let this little puppy know that she was alright aand asked him if he wanted to try being tickled
  • cinnamon bun has never been tickled before (maybe by Saeyoung back in the bad good ol’ days but it’s been too long)
  • OMG u wish u were there because he was bursting out with laughter belly filled to the brim with joy 
  • his eyes were squeezed shut because it tickled so much it hurt he couldn’t even breathe lmao
  • it was just great

V:

  • guyssssssssss
  • IT’S V IT’S LITERALLY JIHYUN FRICKIN KIM.
  • WHAT DO U TIHNK HE WOULD DO
  • the minute MC starts laughing because he was being devious and tickled her for ~experimental purposes~ he ripped out his camera
  • it literally came with the speed of light and out of some magic portal found around his neck
  • it’s just camera snaps all around and he isn’t just taking pictures
  • nononono that isn’t how famous photographer v does his job
  • he’s literally those people who take pictures of models like
  • “Work it, MC, work the camera, that’s right, perfect, more, give me more smile. Keep those giggles going, yes! exactement!”
  • oh my god hoW EMBARRASSING
  • he also never lets MC live it down
  • and he shows the entire RFA the laughing mess MC becomes whenever he tickles her even the tiniest bit
  • new secret weapon? totally.

i used to be SO TICKLISH it wasn’t even funny 

~Cherry L.


Masterpost: click here

Askbox/Requests: click here

Harry Styles - Guest Songwriter Imagine


[I’m not as happy with this as I wish I was when I first imagined writing this and that kind of bums me out. I’ve thought about re-writing it but just wanted to get something up for you guys. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m not happy with this - I’m just not. I hope you all like it though!]


Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Foursome with Jeonghan, Seungchol and Jun, thank you <3 *I don't think I'll be able to read that, I mean, I want to, of course, but 3 dominants at once...oh my gosh, I'll love you forever if you will write it!*

so… I feel like this might be my smuttiest smut yet (altho it’s nothing compared to some other people’s glorious ones) and I hope you all like it! I had plenty of fun writing this, so thank you for requesting 💕

» If you’re using the tumblr app and can’t see the scenario, which is under a “keep reading”, please try opening the post in your phone’s internet browser (or a computer)! 💕

» 6,333 words


‘I have a party on Friday night, would love it if you came. xxx Jun’

You had stared at the message a lot after you had gotten it on Tuesday of that week, despite having already answered it. Even though you and Jun were in a relationship highly based on the physical side - in fact it really was more of a physical relationship above anything else - and you had gone to his parties before, there was something that made you squint your eyes a little.

Normally he’d just ask you if you wanted to go to his party - this time he had said he’d love it if you went. Small details, but they caught your attention nevertheless.

Keep reading

Break Time Activities

Word Count: 1800ish

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Skinny dipping, public nudity (only Dean and Reader see each other naked), unprotected sex, oral sex (female receiving), a shitty attempt at writing smut

Summary: The reader needs a break from a long night of researching, and Dean helps her unwind.

A/N: I dedicate this to my lovely friends @like-a-bag-of-potatoes and @melonshino…. I took a break from my Sam crisis to write this just for you guys ;-)

*****

“Hey Sammy, you find anything yet?” Dean asked tiredly through the speaker of his phone. “Y/N and I are starting to exhaust our options over here.”

“I’m still at the library… it seems like I’m not going to be leaving anytime soon,” Sam answered tiredly. You could almost picture him rubbing his forehead as he talked. “You’d be surprised at how big the lore section of this library is. I’ve never been to a library that is open all night.”

Both of the boys sounded drained, as did you. The three of you had been researching for a case for nearly three hours now - Sam left for the library while you and Dean stayed behind to look online for information. So far you had come up with squat.

Keep reading

Did someone say modern step sibling au lmao
I mentioned writing this before, I was gonna make it one long fic but i decided to break it up into a few shorter ones? It wont be that long tho I just don’t want it all to be in one thing.
ANYWAY, this is a modern au featuring JD and Heather Chandler as step siblings who are desperate for Veronica, a Known Bisexual. It’s honestly equal parts jdonica and chansaw so hopefully you’re into that lol. Here’s part one!

Keep reading

dan and phil play yasuhati don't stop eighth note: a summary

danandphilgames sad musical notes

47 seconds in and dan is already getting his daily fix of phil staring in

seriously look at that smile

dan mate there’s a camera in front of you how about smiling at us

he’s transfixed

oh no he just acknowledged the camera for a second it’s fine

back to staring at phil

oh now phil’s staring back at him

is this softcore porn

phil is giving some serious hand porn that i know for sure

dan has no time for the slow motion ‘dan vs phil’ meme

“all i know is that’s cute” if you close your eyes it’s easy to imagine dan saying that and pointing at phil

“don’t nose it” “i’ve nosed it”

“you’ve just got the tape on your nose, it’s going to have phil pore dust all over the tape now” “there’s no dust on my pores!” better comebacks phil better comebacks

they’ve just started the game and i already feel sorry for their neighbours

no wonder the dog wondered into their flat it probably thinks they’re in trouble all the bloody time

dan saying literally,,, it’s been a while

whispering oh is this doing anything for you asmr loving folk do you have a nice satisfying tingle

dan’s first attempt and he kills the character wow symbolic

seriously i feel really sorry for the neighbours

forget the lady that’s always having sex in the apartment below she probably thinks dnp like it rough every day holy shit

why is phil so vocal like dan’s high pitches are to be expected but,,,,,, deep voice phil please stick around

“imagine being sat next to a train and someone was just playing this next to you”

dan called him out on it

“thomat the tank engine”

suggestive thomas the tank engine edits ok i wonder who edited this vid the mind truly boggles

“i love thomat the tank engine” yes phil drag him to the pits of hell

dan can’t handle being called out can he

why are they just saying oh

“i’d like to see your failure” i love phil

“i’ve got a tickly voicebox”

see i’m glad i had time to prepare for dan’s piercing scream this time

“our neighbours are going to call the police” i think your neighbours are going to call a counsellor

watch phil as dan moves the character along he’s so invested and so animated

he wants dan to succeed you can see it in his eyes

“this is so tense” he acknowledges the camera before going back into supportive bf mode

i feel like dan should tackle opera he has the voice volume capacity

rip headphone users

phil makes sure to tell us dan has hit 100

“everything’s fine” dan says after deafening more than half of his audience

phil is still very much in supportive bf mode

“i’m the freaking best at this and i was trying to be mildly entertaining” deafening me is not entertaining dan this is why i make you the asshole in fics

“you could do this as an olympic sport” see, supportive bf phil vocalises himself

“watch out lads, watch out girls, watch out musical notes. philly’s in town and he’s got a great set of lungs”

phil’s noises are,,,,,,,, really something

those poor poor neighbours

dan’s calm voice is weird i think because it’s so unused (hint hint nudge nudge danny boy)

“don’t be so loud all the time” dan how dare u

ok phil’s noises are either sex noises or the noises of a dying corpse i’m

is dan crying

“you don’t have to scream, phil” again dan how dare u

dan stop staring

you get those noises on a regular basis let us have this

i mean what

um

the noises suddenly turn distinctly sexual

dan is cringing he doesn’t like to share

“the neighbours are going to think this is really weird” if they’re not already used to it i’ll eat a shoe

oh my god phil are these noises just in the back of your throat

dan stifling his laugh is adorable

up goes the hand

his other hand is suspiciously out of shot

that was a joke

“this is so much harder than yours!” who needs context

i swear if you listen to this video with your eyes closed you’ll interpret it very differently

dan’s little glances i’m

dan stop trying to sabotage him nobody wants your rendition of walking in the air

still loving this angle of phil tho ngl

dan’s face is priceless

“what the fuck is this game” honestly dan a smut writer’s wet dream is what it is

phil’s gorilla impression ok not going to question anything by this point

seriously dan stop trying to sabotage

phil didn’t react to the word vagina

“yes YES! i’ve done it! i’ve done it!”

i would pay to be a fly on the wall in their neighbours’ flat

“i wanted to win so much- oh i died”

“have you just lost your voice?” dan would know tbf

eye contact

“it’s about like…. projecting” again, dan would know

“i thought you’d have learnt this from tatinof” well, what happens on tour stays on tour lads

this game and this video are something else

“oh my god we’re going to get kicked out”

dan throws down the all or nothing gauntlet like the sore loser he is

“phil you need to see my plan” is that what the kids are calling it these days

also why has dan suddenly started enunciating more

oh my god are they actually going to sing

i’ve been praying for a sing it gaming vid for so fucking long

please don’t make it a joke i seriously need this

of course dan makes phil sing their own song

#buytheinternetishereonitunes

this reminds me of the speech jammer challenge

dan can’t speak for laughing this is my aesthetic

that was set up for failure i’m sorry honey

go on phil set him up to fail too

“that was the funniest thing of my entire life”

oh dan’s picking for himself i can’t help but feel this is a little biased

did he do pouty lips and wide eyes

i bet he did pouty lips and wide eyes

oh fuck he’s actually doing this isn’t he

strap yourselves in kids it’s like internet takeover never ended

dan fucked himself over oh no what a shame

the universe doesn’t like cheaters soz about it

pouty baby throws a tantrum, kills desk,,, innocent supportive bf laughs in the corner

look at those meaty arms as he raises them in victory

“well that was something, that was an experience” you’re telling me, phil, you’re telling me

“the game’s over, phil” sore loser dan doesn’t want to be here anymore

dan says hi to google overlord

they might do it again

“it’s not going to be good dan and phil singing, if that’s what you’re looking for” oh COME ON what do i have to do to get a singing game

naturally phil suggests toxic

“i’m so sorry to your ears” thanks dan but i think that would’ve been a good disclaimer to have at the beginning

danisveryLOUD (tru)

ASHOUTINGPHIL (amoaningphil more like)

Coming Home

A/N: classic gif is classic. Wrote this months ago. Enjoy!

“So I’ve just left the airport and I’m now driving back to the old flat and it’s weird as much as I loved being back in warm America I missed chilly London. Anyway this probably won’t be the best piece of the vlog diary, since I’m already jetlagged and no one’s even home.” I stopped talking but let the video record until I reached a red light and stopped the capture. Sighing, I turned down familiar roads as I made my way from Heathrow. Luckily traffic wasn’t as bad today, so I wouldn’t have to spend an hour sitting even more. In fact, I was already pulling off the freeway and heading east. My phone buzzed, and I saw Dan had texted.

You almost here? Phil’s out and I’m bored.

His message was signed with the little green frog emoji. I shook my head in annoyance but felt surprisingly giddy. I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in almost two weeks. I saw our flat, and finally pulling into a space around the block, I parked my car and started recording again.

“So, Dan just texted me and said he’s home and bored, of course, so maybe we’ll go out later when Phil gets back. For now..” I pulled the camera from it’s little hands free holder, “let’s finally go home.”

I kept it recording though I placed my camera down to open the trunk and grab my suitcase. Locking my car and pulling out my keys, I opened the door to our space. Mindful of neighbors, I crept quietly upstairs. I couldn’t hear anything on the television and the entire floor seemed empty. I placed my suitcase in the living room to deal with later. I also shed my jacket and headed for Dan’s room.

Walking in, I saw him. He was lounging in bed with his computer right to his chest, absorbed in something. He looked up when I opened his door though, and put his computer to the side to stand up. I set the camera down on his dresser and walked toward him. He reached me before I reached him, and suddenly one arm was around my waist and the other held my face and he was kissing me. And I mean kissing me. Whenever I pulled back he pushed forward, keeping us locked together. My arms came up and around his neck, fingers running through his wavy hair. His hand trailed up my back, pulling at the hem of my shirt. I pulled my face away. “Dan,” he kissed me again. “Dan! Let me-let me-” I stepped back from him and turned, racing toward his dresser.

“Let me stop the capture!”

Later we were curled on the couch. I had on one of his shirts and we were underneath a blanket browsing the internet on our respective devices. “I’ve got to finish the vlog,” I said tiredly. My voice had a distinct scratch to it, evident of the wild ‘I missed you’ sex we’d finished just an hour before. “No you don’t,” Dan murmured into my hair, something I loved. “Just say you forgot an outro and leave a slide of text or something.” His voice sounded a little rough too, not that I had a problem with it. “No I wouldn’t do that to the fans. It’ll be a quick little thing, plus I’m sure they want to see you.” I was already turning the camera on.

“Hey guys!”

“Hello!!” Dan said while plopping his chin on my shoulder. I felt his hands wind around my waist.

“So I’m officially home! Yaaay! And I’m wide awake because I’m 5 whole hours behind yay. Anyway, we’re currently waiting on Phil to come home from shopping and errands, then we’re off to eat something later.”

“Which is special because Phil and I only leave the house about once a year.”

I giggled and smacked Dan’s cheek softly. His phone buzzed and he checked it.

“Speaking of everyone’s favorite clumsy youtuber, Phil’s just messaged me. He said-oh my god I cannot read that for your video!” Dan laughed and nearly fell over. I picked up his phone and read the text, laughing as well and knowing I couldn’t read it either. “Oh my fucking god, Phil!” I was dying.

His text had read: You two done with the welcome home sex yet?

I responded with a yes and then finished up the vlog.

“Well that’s the end of my travel/America vlog diary! I hope you enjoyed it! Like and subscribe and share this video, it really helps me out! I love you guys, and I’ll see you all next time!”

“Bye!” Dan cut in and then started kissing my cheek obnoxiously, making me squeal. “Stop!!” I laughed and ended the capture. Quickly, I slid my SD card in and imported the footage. I simply leafed through the material I’d captured coming home from the airport and from what we just shot. Dan looked over my shoulder, just watching me work.

“You keeping that in?” He pointed to the video of us kissing. Though our faces were pretty obscured, you could definitely hear us, including lip smacking and a little whine that came from one of us. Not to mention you could see Dan lift my shirt. “As avid readers and lovers of fanfiction I think we should keep it in. But…” I scrolled over to effects and blurred the footage, then I added a giant text box and typed in CENSORED. “…we’ll tease the viewers.” Dan chuckled in some form of agreement behind me. “Sure.” I kept everything else in, including the kiss attack at the end, knowing the fans would love it.

Dan and I got ready to go out while the video rendered and uploaded, only getting distracted once. The soapy, slippery wetness of the shower was something we couldn’t resist. By the time we dressed, I tweeted out about my upload, and Phil walked in the door.

Hours later, following a great dinner with my best friends, I was sitting next to Dan, wide awake at an ungodly hour. I knew he was aimlessly scrolling through tumblr, and I started checking the comments. What I saw made me smile.

They’re so fucking adorable

Omg that censored part? You know they did…something.

Phil knows what’s up.

THE KISSING AT THE END! DAN!!!!!

Literally they’re goals.

“What are you grinning at, dork?” I leaned over, held his face and pecked him softly. “Nothing. I’m just happy I’m home.” Dan smiled and bumped his forehead against mine. “Yeah, we needed someone to cook around here.” I smacked his chest, and we both laughed.

Higher (pt 8)

Originally posted by hoegiwa

Member: Exo Suho/Junmyeon

Type: Fluff/Angst/Future Smut

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

“Be glad that we’re not flying across the world,” Yixing pointed out as he plopped down in the seat next to yours. “An international flight would have been a pain in the ass.”

Keep reading

Shit Disturber

Hello, Love bugs! 

 Dan X Reader 

Warnings- Adult themes. swears but duh I always swear. No real smut 

omg omg omg could you please do a fan fiction where you give Dan a massive hickey and then he has to video with it and he gets loads of comments about it and you just laugh at him.- Anonymous


 Love bites. Love bites all over the base of Dan’s neck and chest. You loved to give him hickeys. He was also a huge fan of giving and receiving them himself. The night before you had been a bit wound up and had been playing around with Dan. The two of you couldn’t have sex because all thanks are given to the woman body. That doesn’t mean the two of you couldn’t have fun like a couple of teens trying not to get caught by your parents. In this case, your parents would be Phil. This evening seemed like a regular Monday to you. 

On Tuesday’s you stay late at school with a study group while Dan does his live show. The group had already dispersed for the evening so it was just you and your laptop in the library. You decided it would probably fine to turn on Dan’s You-Now while you continued working. As you stuck your headphone’s in you tuned into the show to find Dan in the same place as always. In his room on his big Mac talking about ascetics, kinks and loads of other shit.  Everything seemed pretty normal until you noticed something just above the collar of his t-shirt. There in clear red-purple colour was one of the hickeys you had given Dan the evening before. You couldn’t text fast enough to Dan to let him know to try and shift so it wouldn’t be so noticeable. You waited what felt like forever before you could hear Dan’s Phone go off in the live feed. You watched as his happy little smile went to wonder as he peered at his phone a little harder, he had to make sure he was reading your words right. Once you knew he had read the message you decided that you were at a safe enough distance away from him to tease a little by sending over a kiss face emoji. Again you waited as Dan tried to shift and look normal before looking down at your newest text. The biggest shit eating grin was placed on both of your faces. You decided to go home and deal with what you could only assume will be a crazy Dan.  

Once you got home you could hear the sound of absolutely nothing. That was strange. The apartment was always filled with music or some TV show on in the background.You made your way up the stairs to see Phil’s bedroom closed. Dan’s room, however, had the soft glow of his lamps on. You quietly enter the room to see Dan surfing on Tumblr. There on his screen, you can see every single post about his one visible hickey. If people were freaking out about that one that was noticeable they should see his collar bones. poor things. You made your presence known buy dropping your bag in the doorway with a soft thump. Dan hears the thump turning your way and looking your way, he smiles seeing you recreating the same smile.

 “Well, you did it, love. The internet is broken with pictures of a hickey on my neck. Everyone is absolutely positive that this is the doing of Phil. Little do they know there is someone else in my life that happens to be quite a little shit disturber. ” you make your way over to Dan’s desk to sit on his lap.

 “So how are you going to deal with all of this, hmm let’s say mess.” You place a kiss to Dan’s love bite that caused all of the problems.

“I’m probably not going to do a single thing. Let them assume what they want. I don’t play well with others so I, not sharing you with the world yet.” You smile against his lips as place lots of little kisses to them. “Just so you know my next few months are going to be filled with comments about it so when I bitch to you it’s your job to let me.

 "If you bitch I will just add a few more to your skin.” A laugh leaving you from the thought of All the jokes that are going to be coming his way.

“Oh, that’s it.” Before you knew it Dan as picking you up and tossing you onto the bed. You couldn’t help but giggle the entire time. “I’m going to repay ten fold my pet.” That was the last thing you heard before Dan started to place the similar love bites along your jaw, neck, and chest.

accidental sex tape - danisnotonfire smut

y'all wee thirsty for it so here it goes

“Hello internet! I’m here with my girlfriend y/n” Dan said with a wave, gesturing at you. The two of you were sitting on his bed in front of his camera, filming a girlfriend tag video.

“Hi!” You greeted with a shy wave at the camera. Dan slung his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his side.

“This lovely girls is, as you guys know, my girlfriend. And since we started dating all you guys have been requesting is a girlfriend tag video. So here we are!“ He explained, doing those cute hand gestures he seemed to naturally do while on camera.

“Okay so first question” Dan said, turning to you. “Where did we meet?”

You tilted your head and thought hard. You and Dan had been dating for a while now. You could remember where your first date was, where you first held hands, where you first told him you loved him. But where you first met? It had slipped right out of your head.

“Fuck” you started, giggling. “I don’t know”

Dan turned to you with mock shock. “You don’t know when we first met?” he repeated, eyes wide.

“No clue” you admitted, laughing at his reactions.

“Vidcon last year? You spilt hot coffee all over me!” He practically shouted, making you laugh harder.

“Ah yes, I remember now. You still owe me that coffee by the way” you said teasingly, making him roll his eyes playfully. “Okay, my turn” you announced, clapping your hands. “Who is my best friend?”

Dan pretended to think, then snapped his fingers like he had had a sudden answer. “Trick question! You don’t have friends”

“Hey, shut up!” You replied, hitting his arm. He simply laughed at you and looked down at his next question.

“Okay here’s an easy one. What’s my favourite thing to eat?” He asked, looking at you.

You thought for a second. Dan was a giant weeb so the obvious answer was Japanese food. But you had to get him back for his last answer. Smiling innocently at him, you answered “Yeah, it is easy! You’re favourite thing to eat is me when you eat me out”.

Dan’s cheeks slightly reddened. “Oh, fuck off y/n” he muttered, making you laugh out loud.

“Okay, here’s my question: when was our first time?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“First time of what?” he asked, faking cluelessness.

“You know. The first time we fucked”

He snorted at your bluntness , tilting his head to the side. “Valentine’s day, how could I forget? It was the best day ever”

“Really? I thought it was like, a three out of ten” you lied, shrugging your shoulders.

“Why?” Dan asked, taking you seriously. You tried to stifle your laughter as his body tense against you.

“I’ve just had better times, that’s all. There was this one really hot guy when I went on holiday in Spain…” you started, purposely pushing his buttons now.

“That’s it” he growled, grabbing your wrists and taking you by surprise. “ I’m gonna fuck you so good you’ll forget you’ve ever been with anyone else”

He pinned you down to the bed, hands above your head as he towered over you. Seeing Dan this worked up honestly turned you on a lot and you could feel yourself get wetter by the second. He attacked your neck with his lips, sucking and biting harshly at your skin, making you cry out in pleasure. “Dan!” you moaned out, breath becoming heavy. He removed his lips from your skin and tightened his grip on your wrist.

“What did you call me?” He asked, sternness in his voice.

“Sorry Daddy” you whispered, feeling intimidated and excited by Dan’s dominance.

“Last chance baby girl” he warned, before kissing your lips briefly. He let go of your wrists only to tug your shirt off, throwing it God knows where. You weren’t wearing an astonishingly sexy bra but the material was sheer and lacy, which made your hardened nipples very obvious. “Fuck, you’re so hot” Dan moaned before grabbing your wrists again with one hand to lift you up, while unclasping your bra with the other. He roughly pushed the unwanted material off you before unbuttoning your jeans to do the same. He kissed every new inch of skin that was revealed as he pulled your jeans down, placing an especially wet kiss right on your scarcely clothed clit.

“Dan, holy sh-shit” you cursed as he teased you with his tongue through your underwear. He pulled away sharply.

“That’s not my name, princess. I guess you won’t learn without punishment”. With the hand that was still grasping your wrists, he forced you to sit up. He sat down next to you, confusing you slightly. What was he doing? “Bend over Daddy’s crotch” he ordered. Obediently you placed your hands over his legs and your legs on the other side so you were hovering over his legs. He slipped your panties down with one delicate finger, making you shiver.

“Count them out for me” he ordered. You briefly wondered what was about to happen but you soon knew when a harsh slap was given to your ass.

“One” you breathed out, wincing at the sting. But strangely, the pain seemed to turn you on even more.

He didn’t hesitate to deliver another sharp slap, making you jolt slightly. “Two” you whispered. Dan was getting off to this, you could tell being so dominant was turning him on a lot. You could feel him harden against your stomach, which just made everything ten times more sensual. After one more slap to your ass, he pulled you off him.

“Have you learnt your lesson?” He asked, his eyes dark. You loved the way he looked in times like this, seeing him so serious and turned on drove you crazy.

“Yes Daddy” you replied, not wanting to piss him off further.

“Good. Now be a good girl and suck daddy off” he demanded. You moved off the best and sat on your knees, waiting for him. Soon enough he had moved towards the edge of the bed with his jeans and boxers off, his erection standing tall. You wrapped your hands around his cock, stroking softly. You could hear him exhale as he watched the way your fingers worked on him. Then slowly, teasingly, you want forward him a lay a wet kiss on his tip. You could see him clenching the sheets under him.

“Don’t tease princess” he warned, tugging your hair forward which forced him into your mouth. Obediently, you let as much of him in your mouth as possible and began to bob your head, letting him hit the back of your theist. “Fuck, I’m so close"he warned, grabbing your hair into a ponytail. “You’re gonna swallow it like my good little cockslut?” You went even faster now, your eyes stinging from trying so hard not to gag. “Shit” he cursed and soon enough you could taste his cum shooting down your throat.

“Such a good girl for Daddy” he praised, pulling you up and catching his lips on yours. You moaned into the kiss, pulling him closer to you. When you broke apart from the kiss, he was through you back on to the bed and kissed up your bare thigh. “Let me take care of you babygirl”


It had been a few days since you’d filmed the girlfriend tag video and you were coming home from a day at work. “Hello?” You called out into the house. You were a little confused as all the lights were off and Dan was supposed to be home. No one called back so you locked the door yourself and walked through the corridor, towards Dan’s room. On the way there, you heard noises coming from his room. You froze in your spot, straining your ears to listen clearer.

“Fuck” you heard, faintly through the walls. It sounded like…moaning? Furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, you moved closer. You placed your ear on the door and that’s when you heard it. Not only could you hear Dan moaning but you could also hear a female voice. Was Dan… cheating on you? The thought made your stomach twist and you grabbed the doorknob to his room and pushed the door open, bracing yourself for the worst.

But what you saw was completely unexpected. Dan was lying on his bed with the lights off, the room dimly lit by his laptop. He had one hand a wrapped around his cock, moving expertly fast. His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat and his face slightly red. He hadn’t head you come in so you took a daring step further to see what was on the screen. To your surprise, you saw the footage he had said he’d deleted from when you guys had gotten carried away during the video you filmed. The female moans were your own as Dan went down on you in the screen. You smiled to yourself, still concealed by the dark. Just the sight of this, the sight of him jerking off to a video of you two was making you wet.

Creeping up towards him, you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, making him jump. “Y/n!” He exclaimed, shutting the laptop and looking a little embarrassed. “Uh- I can explain”

You shut him up by softly placing your lips on his into a gentle kiss. He kissed you back slightly rougher and pulled you onto the bed with him, dragging you closer. One of his hands was tangled in your hair, the other wandering up your work skirt, slipping into your underwear to rub your clit. You moaned into the kiss, tilting your head back.

You felt Dan’s fingers go up and down your slit, collecting your juices. “So wet already babygirl” he moaned, rubbing your clit faster. You could already feel your high coming as you held onto Dan even tighter, breaking away from the kiss. He slipped a single finger into you and you knew you were done. But before you could cum, Dan pulled his hand out of your underwear, licking his fingers clean.

“Oh no princess, you’re not coming until I’m inside of you.” He whispered, before hitching up your skirt to yank of your underwear. He liked himself up with your entrance, kissing you gently one last time before pushing himself into you. The feel of him filling you up was so satisfactory, it was all you could do not scream out from the pleasure. “You’re so tight, shit” Dan groaned, gripping onto you by the thrust. He thrust into you with no remorse, each time making you jolt, his hands wrapped around your neck.

He was literally choking you but for some reason it made you feel ten times more of the pleasure, moan after moan spilling out of your lips. “Are you close baby?” Dan asked. You couldn’t even talk with his hands around your throats and the ecstasy you were feeling so you just let out a strangled moan. “Cum for me, be daddy’s good little slut, yeah?”

As if on cue you felt your orgasm wash over you as you shook, the pleasure spreading through your whole body. With a few swears, Dan soon came after, throwing his head back. He pulled out of you and lay down next to you, holding you against him. You both were silent for a minute, catching your breath. “You know,” Dan finally said, “we never got to finish that girlfriend tag video”.

“It’s not exactly my fault, you need to stop getting jealous over imaginary guys I make up on the spot” you said, a smile on your face.

“Can’t help it. You’re so perfect and I know that if you wanted to, you could hVe any other guy. But you chose me. And I want to be with you for the rest of my life

With those pleasant words in your mind, you drifted off to sleep, wrapped in Dan’s warm embrace.

Our Bubble

Fic Request: 
“Hey Scribbles! I was wondering if you’d be able to do a fic where Fem!reader and Tyler are dating and they want to keep it from Teamiplier, YouTube and the internet for as long as possible. So there’s a lot of sneaking around and Mark finds out last and when he realizes that he flips out.” 

Originally posted by dork-iplier

Keeping secrets wasn’t easy with Teamiplier. 
Everyone was around each other almost all the time. You didn’t have much time to be alone or spend quality time with a specific person. 
And it wasn’t that Tyler and you didn’t want them to know. It was just you both weren’t sure where or how this little fling was going. 
But on the sixth date, which turned into a few months of being together, you both agreed it was more than just a small fling. 
After Kathryn introduced you to the team, meaning to only see them once as a fleeting introduction when you dropped her off, they all almost instantly adored you. 
You found yourself going around there almost as frequently as Kathryn. After awhile, you and Tyler just seemed to gravitate to one another. And then after dancing around each other, he asked you out to dinner. 
You liked your bubble. The little warm space where it was just you and Tyler. 
No internet. No shipping or artworks. No “awws” from your friends. 
Just you and Tyler. 

But that all changed when Kathryn trapped you both and demanded the truth. 
“You two need to spill or I’m going to straight to Mark,” She hissed at you one morning. 
You caught on quickly and dragged her away, “Wait, how did you know?” 
“I’m your best friend, (Y/N)!” Kathryn replied with a wide smile. “So you two are a thing?” 
Kathryn was practically bouncing with excitement,. You hushed her and smiled, “Yes, alright we are. But we’re not ready to share with the world yet.” 
“What why?” Kathryn asked, confused. But you shrugged and your friend sighed. “Alright fine. But, everyone is going to freak when they find out.” 
Tyler grinned at Kathryn as she marched towards him, “Also, if you hurt her, I’m going to skin you.” 
Tyler dropped his smile, becoming serious as he nodded. “I don’t intend too.” 

Amy was next. But Tyler had guessed she had the two of you already figured out and she was just waiting for a reason to confirm it. 
She had her chance when she walked in on you leaning up to peck Tyler’s cheek. 
“Ah ha!” She squealed. “I knew it!” 
Tyler dragged her into the room and shut the door. “Yeah ok, you caught us. Do us a favor and don’t tell anyone.” 
“You’re keeping this from Mark?” Amy asked with a chuckle. “Oh my, he’s going to flip when he finds out.” 
“That won’t be for a while,” You said. Your eyes wide and pleading. “Amy, we’re still not ready to-”
“What do you mean ‘still’?” Amy asked. “Does someone else know? How long have you two been dating?” 
“Kathryn made us talk, and around six months,” Tyler said and Amy clapped her hands. Almost as excited as Kathryn was. 
“Alright. In respect for you two, I won’t tell. But I’m not responsible for what Mark does to you two when he discovers this!” 

Ethan found out from Amy and Kathryn. The two gossiping about the two of you and the blue-boy walked past at the right time to hear.
He ran to you, almost knocking you off your feet in a hug. “I’m so glad!”
You had to calm him down a bit to get the fumbling words into order.
“You and Tyler!” He hissed gleefully. “I heard the girls talking. I’m so happy for you two!”
You sighed, a small smile stretching your lips. “Ahh, so that only leaves Mark that doesn’t know.”
Ethan chuckled, “You can’t tell him until all of us are in the room or nearby. I want to see his reaction!”
You shook your head as Ethan ran off to find Tyler. 

 As the day came to the charity live-stream; you and Tyler came to an agreement that it was time to let the rest of the world know. 
“Once Mark knows, the internet will know.” Tyler said while you two were cuddling in bed. “Two birds one stone.” 
So, the day came and while you were sitting on the couch with Mark and Ethan, you and Tyler shared a look. 
“Ok, so the counter is up and we’re already at twenty thousand!” Mark announced proudly. “Thank you so much everyone!” 
You whooped along with everyone else. “We need to go higher though!” You said. “Donate what you can!”
Then Tyler spoke up. 
“I have a compromise.” He said, leaning on the back of the couch. “If we get to fifty thousand dollars, I’ll share a really big secret with everyone.” 
“A secret?” Mark asked, “Is it a interesting secret?” 
Amy as ever, was smart enough to catch the shared glance between you and Tyler. 
“Oh, I think it’s pretty good.” She said with a smile. 
“How do you know Tyler’s secret?” Mark asked, looking back at her. 
“Girl talk,” You replied for Amy. Smiling innocently when Mark whirled on you. 
“Am I missing out on something?” Mark asked, furrowing his eyebrows and looking between you and Amy. “Are you two dating?” 
Tyler laughed and you winked at Amy, “He caught on quick, sweetheart. I owe you ten dollars.” 
Amy puckered her lips in a kiss in your direction. Mark glared at you. 
“Alright, I’m going to donate one thousand dollars towards the fifty thousand. Because I want to know what’s going on!” 
You and Tyler smiled at each other. Throughout the live-stream, you watched the counter climb quickly to fifty thousand. Becoming closer and closer until Mark hollered happily and spun on Tyler. 
“Fifty thousand! So, what’s your secret! Spill!” 
Ethan giggled beside you as Tyler sighed. “What do you say, babe? Should we tell him?” 
You pretended to ponder on the suggestion as Mark turned to you. His eyes widened. 
“Did he just call you, ‘babe’?” He asked and you looked up at Tyler. 
“I think he’s smart enough to figure it out himself, sweetie.” You replied. Amy and Kathryn were laughing at Mark’s shocked expression. 
“W-What!? How long….When did..? Tyler! When did you start dating (Y/N)?” 
Tyler spun slightly on his chair, counting the months on his fingers. “Close to seven months now.” 
“WHAT!?” Mark screamed and you erupted with laughter. “How did I not notice? 
“They were very sneaky,” Kathryn said with a shrug. “I had to drag it out of them.” 
“I was lucky enough to walk in on them kissing,” Amy said. 
“I over-heard Amy and Kathryn talking about it.” Ethan giggled. 
Mark groaned. Collapsing against the couch, his eyes closed in frustration. 
“So, everyone knew but me?” Mark calculated slowly. You hid behind Ethan, moving him in front of you as Mark slowly opened his eyes. 
“Tyler….you and I need to have a looong conversation about this!” He hissed and you laughed when Tyler laughed.