oh jesus christ i need help guys

every 40+ year old who writes a stupid thinkpiece about how the youth nowadays is self absorbed and technology obsessed and selfish owes me $100 in cash like jesus christ, sharon, shut the fuck up for one second and dig around for those critical thinking skills i’m sure you have laying around somewhere: why do you think young people don’t want pounds and pounds of family heirlooms (i just read a particularly stupid nyt article about this and i am literally fuming)? why do you think young people don’t want to shop at department stores? why do you think young people are ruining an industry that’s failed to change with the times? why do you think young people are (gasp!) challenging & changing norms? could it possibly be because, and hold on to your rocker, because this might be a little shocking, young people don’t have much money? and they have to learn to economize? and the world is more expensive & interconnected than it has ever been before? or maybe young people have values that are progressing? or maybe they actually fucking know how to do a simple google search and are gaining access to more information on those little devices they’re so “obsessed” with than you ever dreamed of accessing when you were a child? or, oh my god, consider this: were you the exact same as your parent’s generation? maybe get off your high horse for a second (poor guy hasn’t got a rest in at least five years), dig deep inside that mind of yours, and re-evaluate why exactly you feel the need to write condescending articles about the generation you helped raise instead of, i don’t know, meaningfully contributing to society

Jackson Wang//Best Friend’s Brother - Part 6

Prompt: You and your best friend, Jess, are determined to have the best, craziest summer ever, but her big brother is back from his gap year along with some of his friends and is dead set on joining the fun…
Scenario: Fluff, angst, smut in later chapters
Word Count: 3664

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 7  Part 8

Keep reading

Shady Shadesters (Dino Texts)
  • Jeonghan: Dinoooo, whose baby are you?
  • Dino: Yours... Why do I need to keep doing this?
  • Jeonghan: Cause I want to~
  • Dino: You don't want to do anything. You are the laziest bum I know. Besides...Wait no... Actually you are the laziest person I've ever met.
  • Jeonghan: Excuse me? RUUUUDE!
  • Dino: You wanna see rude? Just because I'm the maknae, don't mean I can't throw the fire. It's the maknae's rebellion!
  • Woozi: But you are so small? Like you could pack a punch
  • Dino: Look who is talking! I can't even see you! Shorty. Midget! I can't even see who is talking to me! Is that a voice in the wind?
  • Woozi: I am about to murder you... Come here...
  • Dino: I keep hearing voices in the wind, must be my imagination.
  • Minghao: If you had one...
  • Dino: What was that?
  • Minghao: I SAID IF U HAD ONE!
  • Dino: Like if you had lines?
  • Mingyu: Oooo! Roasted!
  • Dino: I'm not roasting him. I'm taking him to hell.
  • Minghao: I had lines! In the MY I song!
  • Dino: Really? I forgot about it? Probably cause it's not worth remembering.
  • Jun: Yah! Dino! What's gotten into you? Why you so savage today?
  • Dino: Why are you so narcissistic today? Just kidding, your not narcissistic just today. It's everyday.
  • Jun: I didn't come here to be attacked!
  • Dino: Heh. Too bad. What you going to do? Call mommy?
  • Scoups: Dino...
  • Dino: What old man?
  • Scoups: Calm Down! I know you are a kid in puberty, but you need to learn to chill.
  • Dino: You need to learn how to not be scared of fireworks.
  • Scoups: REALLY? THAT WAS LIKE OVER A YEAR AGO!
  • Dino: And you passed your expiration date over a year ago.
  • Scoups: ...What are you suggesting?
  • Dino: You're just a little old.
  • Scoups: Oh.. You in trouble now...
  • Dino: Aren't I always in trouble? You guys always blame me for everything! It's almost like Jun saying how he is handsome all the time, but we all know he ain't!
  • Jun: What?! Again?
  • Dino: Just kidding hyung, I....have a deep regard for you...
  • Mingyu: Dino, take the chill pills.
  • Dino: Mingyu, take the diet pills. You eat too much.
  • Joshua: Jesus Christ! Dino has been possessed by a demon! We need to pray so he can be saved by our lord's grace!
  • Dino: Hyung...I'm speechless. You really need God's help.
  • DK: Why is Dino like this today?
  • Dino: Why are you like a sunshiney fool everyday? Always the flowers with you.
  • DK: Flowers are nice though...
  • Seungkwan: Flowers are nice! Dino Stop bullying everyone! Can't you see you are making everyone mad?
  • Dino: Can't you see when we don't need an MC?
  • Seungkwan: ...Ouch.
  • Dino: So am I a baby still?
  • Hoshi: SO THIS WHOLE ROAST SESSION WAS TO PROVE YOU AREN'T A BABY? I WAS SERIOUSLY ABOUT TO FIND YOU AND SLAP YOU!
  • Dino: Pretty much. That is if you can find me with your small eyes~
  • Hoshi: DINO! YOU ARE SO DEAD!
  • Dino: Like the look in Wonwoo's Eyes?
  • Wonwoo: What? I was reading a book.
  • Scoups: Watch out Dino. The maknae, might have his rebellion, but the leader has the power...
  • Dino: I'm running away now! Byeeee
  • All: DINOOOOOOOO!
  • Author's Note: Hi! First off, this is in no way mean to insult/defame any of the SVT members. I love them, and was making/poking fun. Again: I AM NOT DOING THIS TO INSULT SVT. IT IS ALL DONE IN GOOD FUN! Just to get that message out of the way, before my inbox is filled with threats. I hope you laughed reading this, cause that was the point. If you like this, please, like, reblog, and follow me! Don't forget to request too!
A Shoulder To Cry On (Rafe Adler X Reader)

Originally posted by feather-pauldrons

Okay…so I have no idea where this came from…it kinda originated from a dream I had, that involved someone I used to consider a friend. I got really ill half way writing this…so I feel it gets a bit shitty towards the end. And I don’t know if this is considered slight fluff? Also I got writers block when it came to the prompts i need to do and my Sam X Reader series…this was just to help me get into the swing of things again. It was meant to be a drabble…but me being me didn’t stick by that, its 3200+ words.

Warnings: Slight domestic violence.

Keep reading

A Summer Fling-Shawn Mendes Imagine-Part 2

Deep down part of me wished him to follow me, other parts almost instantaneously shredded this idea. Shawn Mendes was just a stupid guy who managed to break my heart into millions of pieces within 8 weeks of knowing me, simple.

But what about the look of sorrow in his eyes? My heart beckoned. An argument was erupting inside of me and it was all down to him.

It wasn’t a look of sorrow, even if it was screw his sorrow! He hurt you! Now my head had got involved. Mr Mendes had literally sent me crazy.

Taking in deep breathes, I found myself at the edge of the lake that bordered the campus and perched myself on the rock I had practically lived on last year. Something about the water immediately calmed every inch of my body making me able to think straight for once. There were so many times that Shawn could bump into me here and so few exit strategies. If only I hadn’t been so stupid as to get myself involved in a ‘summer fling’ none of this would have happened. Pulling out my phone, I noticed a faint sobbing echoing from the bush next to me. Reluctantly I stood up and investigated the noise…it was Brian, Shawn best friend from camp last year!

“Hey Brian, what’s up?” I’d never been good with the whole helping a friend in need so finding a guy crying in a bush when I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts, was definitely not the best scenario for me.

“Oh (Y/N), ummm uhhhh…” My patience had been worn thin in just one night of being here from having Tessy being my 'friend’ to not being able to go to the bonfire, to running into Shawn.

“Jesus Christ Brian, for fuck sake just spit it out.!” His eyes widened obviously surprised by my attitude. Last year I’d been little miss perfect and would never have spoken to anyone in this way, a lot can change in a year. “Sorry.” I tried to smile apologetically but it came out more as a grimace.

“Well, I came back to camp this year expecting me and Donna to still be a thing but she’s come here with some guy called Donny. Donna and Donny, so poetic. All night he’s been snogging her face off. I’ll be surprised if they even stop kissing to eat.” Suppressing a laugh that was threatening to leave my lips, I move closer and put my arm around him. It was unusual for me to give such a show of affection but considering it’s not every day you find a boy sobbing in a bush.

“It was obvious you’d try to make me jealous.” Shawn’s pure Canadian accent broke the silence that I didn’t know I was keeping. “Had to get one over on me didn’t you. Never pegged you for a whore but here you are, one arm wrapped around my best friends neck, I don’t know why I didn’t notice it last year. At least then I wouldn’t have even thought of giving you a second look.” Anger spewed from his mouth as mine just hung open mindlessly. Brian had at some point unravelled my arm from his neck and raced off to find another shrub to cry into. It didn’t take long for me to regain my confidence that I lacked last year.

“Don’t be such a dick Shawn. Just piss off and play your guitar somewhere people will care.” I’d suddenly become aware of how foul-mouthed I was and smirked slightly, knowing what a shock it must be to everyone who knows me here.

Like before my legs started walking for me, not at such a pace now, but still walking away from him. Inside I chuckled thinking he would do the same as before and just leave me to it, this time praying he wouldn’t follow. But my luck never seems to come when I need it.

“Excuse me?” His voice boomed louder than I had ever heard it. “You’re calling me a dick?” Nodding as nonchalantly as I could, I kept walking trying not to notice how big his steps were compared to mine. “Did you not just see what you were doing?” This tipped me over the edge. See what I was doing? I was helping his friend who was crying his fricking eyes out!

“Stop being so egotistical. Your friend was just sobbing about how his 'girlfriend’ was with some other guy and how he thought it was going to work out between them after last summer and seeing as I know exactly how he feels, I decided that I could give him some advice.” My eyes were wider than I had ever thought possible and my shoulders were broadening extraordinarily. “Who was it last year who said it was just a summer fling and it wouldn’t turn into anything else? Huh Shawn..who? Oh wait that was you wasn’t it. You have absolutely no right to call me a WHORE when you chose to not make us anything but another one of the girls you have a thing with. You chose it Shawn.” The rant just kept on going. It was like the built up pain and anger had also taken up all my energy and now I didn’t have the energy to stop it coming out. “All I wanted to do was to see if I could survive this camp alone. To see if I could avoid you for the whole thing and maybe, just maybe, find so God damn friends but you know what? I can’t be bothered anymore. Right now all I want to do is be at home, alone, under my duvet crying until my eyes can’t take on any new tears because it’s possible that then I will forget the absolute agony of having no friends and making myself believe that last year a guy like you would actually want to be with someone like me. It’s all I want Shawn.” My voice was now hoarse from my shouting. Shawn stood, eyes down, arms crossed, mouth pursed closed, standing like a child who’s just been given a lecture. Nodding, I turned and made my way in the other direction. It was late and I knew that tomorrow was going to be filled with explanations to my mum outlining why I didn’t want to be at the camp any longer.

I awoke to hideous banging on the bunk doors. Several other girls had heard the same noise and were also shuffling out of bed armed with lamps and random blocks of wood to face whoever the intruder may be. The clock next to me read as 5a?m.

“Brian!” One girl with copper hair exclaimed. It was Donna. “Brian what are you doing here!” Brian didn’t answer but instead scooped her up and placed a firm kiss on her lips.

Good for him My subconscious murmured as I rolled over only to be face with another face.

“What the fuck dude!” I screeched as I grabbed a rock from the floor next to the bed and hit the person who had invaded my personal space.

“(Y/N), you trying to kill me?” It was Shawn’s voice. This made the blood inside me boil even more.

“Shawn, you have three seconds to explain why you were lying next to my bed before I hit you with this rock again and this time I promise I’ll crack your skull.” After everything that he’d put me through, this was just the icing on the cake. Hurriedly he rushed to my side and was down on his knees. “What are you doing.?” I am never my best at 5am in the morning and for the past 24 hours I had decided I hated being patient.

“Um, well I just thought that I could possibly beg for your forgiveness. I’m so sorry fro y'know calling you a whore and making you feel like crying your eyes out.” My heart slowly started sinking again, so he wasn’t sorry that he told me that whatever we had was just a 'thing’. That meant that he still wanted to be with someone other than me. To distract myself from the disappointment circling my brain, I stared at his right arm that he was holding firmly behind his back, what was he hiding? “Also, seeing Brian do that with Donna, it made me want to do something..”

“What could you possibly want to do at 5am Mendes?” Already sleep was luring my mind. I was soon knocked from this state as I felt to strong arms wrap themselves around my waist and pulling me insanely close to Shawn.

“This.” His voice was dark but I didn’t have time to process it as his lips were forced roughly onto mine. Considering I’d never had my first kiss, it took me quite by surprise. What seemed like hours later, he pulled away.

“Did you have to be quite so cheesy?” I whined hiding the smile that was playing merrily on my lips. “I’m not complaining it’s just was the 'this’ really necessary?” I giggled seeing his expression fall. Pushing him slightly I said, “I’m joking you idiot, lighten up!”

“So I’m guessing you don’t want this then.” From his back he pulled out a single white rose. He remembered! “Last year you told me that you thought it was the most romantic thing that you could think of. Took me a while to find one around here but I had to get you one.” Never had I seen Shawn looking so child like. Maybe he did like me after all…

Part 1

2

Roy won’t tell Joël anything over the phone. Joël tells Damo he and Brutus are in charge of the houseboat and drives over to Raj’s house himself to find out what’s going on. Roy makes coffee and gives him a summary of the morning’s events. Once the shock fades Joël’s left with the familiar, empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

Joël: Oh, man. This is a nightmare. What the hell am I going to do now?

Roy: I dunno, take the guys fishing or something. Windsurfing’s not such a big deal, anyway. Besides, do you really need to see Damo in a wetsuit twice in two days? Seriously, dude-

Joël: I’m not talking about the windsurfing, you dipshit. Raj and his solicitor were going to help me get custody of Jared. I don’t have the money or the resources to fight the bitch in court on my own. I’m completely screwed. Again. Jesus Christ. 

Roy: The writing’s on the wall, dude. Playtime’s over. Time to head back to Bridgeport and your responsibilities as a parent, okay? 

Joël: You know, there’s nothing here for me anymore, anyway. My job’s as boring as batshit. Raj is probably going to jail. I think Nico just dumped me- 

Roy: Yeah, yeah. Cry me a river, dude. None of that matters, for Christ’s sake. All that matters is that Jared needs you. Just like Naomi needs me.

Joël: Naomi…what

3

Well, given it’s been a shitty day for all of us with the fucking mess CC has created, these pics inspired me to write a little Gillovny ficlet… you’re welcome.

Side note: Not my pics. They appeared on my dash over and over again, but there was no original source. Whoever they belong to, lemme know so I can give proper credit.

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“So I’ve heard your concert in Pitts was pretty wild,” she said in a muffled voice over the phone, which was precariously balanced between her ear and shoulder. 

He could hear shuffling on the other side and figured she was probably packing for her trip to India. He missed her already. More than he was willing to admit it.

“Yeah, they were a little… over enthusiastic, let’s say,” he admitted. 

She snorted. “I’d say, given that a bra was thrown at you. Too bad it didn’t come with matching panties. You could always auction it later for charity and say you stole the set from Scully’s lingerie drawer,” she teased.

“They’re way too big to be Scully’s. No one would believe me,” he deadpanned.

“Is that your subtle way to say I have small breasts?” she continued with the teasing. She couldn’t help it. Their bantering was always refreshing. It made her forget, at least for a short while, that their distance was getting even bigger with her next destination. Perks of the job, she thought. Fuck them.

“No, I’m saying they’re not of my taste. I’m not keen on huge breasts. Yours, on the other hand, are these perfect round glo-”

“Daviiid,” she cut him off in a warning tone. She loved when he complimented her ‘attributes’, but she knew exactly where this phone call would lead to if she didn’t stop him right now.

“What?” he uttered playing innocent. “Well, anyway. The bra was like a fucking Kinder Egg… it had a surprise inside,” he chuckled.

“Hmm, it did, huh?” she played along. Their silly conversations were always entertaining and efficient to get her mind off other pressing matters. Like the fact they’d be apart for over two months. They had compromised on a schedule to see each other before their respective series resumed filming. She missed him too much. More than she was willing to let her heart admit. “Lemme guess… it was a surprise of the number kind?”

“Yep. But no need to be jealous, babe. There’s only one number on my speed dial,” he said grinning and she had to smile back. Idiot.

“You’d better or I’d chew your head off,” she conceded to feed his ego. Deep inside she knew how insecure he got sometimes where she was concerned. No matter how many times, or in how many forms she had showed him, insecurity always made its way into his thick head. Friendly reminder she’d have to keep working on that.

He laughed. “I’d rather you’d chew my ass.”

She gave him her signature goofy laugh. “You’re an idiot, Duchovny. Anyway, Mr. Rock Star, I see you were wearing the ring I gave you for your birthday. So I take it you liked it, then?”

“’f course I did. You have great taste, G-Woman. But you don’t need me telling you this,” he offered.

“It’s nice to hear it every now and then anyway. Oh, I have company,” she informed him and he could hear the faint sound of pitter-patter paws in the background. 

“Is it Nelson? How’s my buddy? I miss him. He’s the ugliest cute dog I’ve ever seen. And we bonded over the summer. Does he miss me? Tell him I said ‘hi’,” he cooed.

“Your ‘buddy’? For fuck’s sake, David, he’s a dog! And it’s been three weeks since he last saw you, so he most likely doesn’t even remember you, you sap,” she said a little too loud, prompting Nelson to bark.

“See? He heard you saying my name and he’s woofing for me. He does remember me. No need to be jealous of the dog, too, babe. Told ya, my heart only belongs to you,” he teased her, knowing far too well how jealous and a little annoyed she got over the fact that he and her dog bonded so well.

She scoffed. “You’re an asshole. And apparently it wasn’t just the dog you charmed either. My boys won’t stop asking about ‘Uncle David’. You’re ‘bloody wicked’ to them, whatever the hell they mean by that. What kind of spell did you put on my dog and kids, dickhead?” she asked in fake annoyance, her smiling betraying her altogether.

“What can I say, babe? I got game,” he replied smugly.

“And now you’re quoting Mulder on me. Niice”

“And you love me even more for it.”

“Shut the fuck up,” she chuckled.

He heard the sound of zippers closing, knowing the conversation was probably coming to an end. Too soon for his liking, but adult life got in the way sometimes. He just wished time could just stop for a moment so they could be trapped in these conversations for a while longer. It made his heart swell. He loved her. He was too far gone to even try to deny it. There was simply no use anymore.

“Time to go, huh?” he asked, a bit of disappointment lacing his voice.

She sighed. “Yeah. But I call you as soon as I settle in at the hotel.”

“Okay, I gotta run too. Gotta pick up the kids at their softball practice. Tell the boys I miss them and next time we’ll build that Jurassic World Lego ensemble till the very last piece.”

Her heart skipped a beat. She loved how they all got along so well over the summer. Like one big, crazy, Folger’s-commercial-happy family. If only a fucking time machine - or a DeLorean - existed…

“I will,” she said softly. “Tell your kids I miss playing Cards Against Humanity with them. Something I can’t do with my boys just yet. And Piper is sick and tired of it, so,” she chuckled.

“Will do. So… talk to ya later?”

“You bet your sweet, still-looks-good-in-jeans ass we will,” she remarked jokingly, prompting him to reward her with his manly, throaty laugh. It was music to her ears.

“And just like my heart, my ass belongs to one petite, head-over-heels-in-love blonde,” he teased her one final time.

“Pretty cocky, aren’t you, Ducunny?”

“Yes, I have a pretty cock, or so you say whenever we-”

“Jesus Christ, I’m hanging up nooow,” she cut him off again, laughing beyond her senses.

“Love you, too, G-Woman.”


ill-show-you-later, youokay-mulder, honeylambsbff, hope u guys enjoy it and it helps get yr minds off today’s bullshit. And Sammy, welcome back, honey :)