oh internet what have you done

meetmyinnerdemons  asked:

Hi, I wanted to ask you if you know any fanfictions about Johnlock texting/letters/internet messages, something connected with that? :)

Hi Lovely!

I thought I didn’t have many of these, so I was so excited that I would be able to get this done in 10 minutes… it’s now 4 hours later and I finally got a rough list done for you and I STILL can’t find the one I wanted to add to this list! I’m so angry, because I THOUGHT it was an FFNet fic, but i can’t find it urg. Oh well. I hope you like what I have picked for you instead!

SEXTING / TEXTING:

  • Unquantifiable by 221b_hound (M, 2799 w, Ao3) - John remains a terrible and foul-tempered patient, but he does try to make up for it with pet names and text message silliness. In the meantime, Sally Donovan visits Baker Street for a hint about the Milverton case, and has to deal with a Sherlock Holmes who can’t find words big enough to thank her for saving John’s life at the warehouse. For afters, there’s a viewing of The Princess Bride. Part 33 of Unkissed
  • Happy anniversary by Salambo06 (E, 3772 w., Ao3) - John inhaled deeply, feeling his cock pulse under the silk gown, and he let his eyes travel on the lean body in front of him. Sherlock was kneeling on the bed, their bed, and the picture had been taken so John could perfectly see his bare chest and pelvis. But what mattered most, what made John harden rather quickly, was the pair of panties Sherlock was wearing in the picture. Black, string over each hip and laces that outlined Sherlock’s erect cock barely hidden under the soft underwear.
  • A Brand of Gold by aquabelacqua (M, 12,757 w. Ao3) - John sank deeper into the pillows, let the mist and blur of the wine settle around him, let it shore up his nerves and dim the warning signals that flashed dully in the back of his mind. He let the rest of the disappointment about Lucy and his strange accommodations and about the weekend as a whole fade into obscurity. He let the vital, missing piece snap into place as surely and as cleanly as if it had always been there. He was flirting with Sherlock Holmes. **MUST READ**
  • Come Home by hudders-and-hiddles(E, 3763, Ao3) -  When John leaves for a medical conference, Sherlock tries to entice him back home.
  • A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb  (E, 32,690, Ao3) John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX **MUST READ**
  • The Real Meaning of Idioms by feverishsea (T, 21,691 w., Ao3) - After two weeks away, John finally texts Sherlock. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to respond. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to keep texting him. And he really doesn’t expect things to spiral out of control so rapidly.
  • Bread and Wine and Curry Once a Week by cwb (E, 8737 w., Ao3) - "I am not agitated. I’m just tired of it. The insinuations, the comments, that I have no… no interest in relationships, or sex.“ John and Sherlock muddle through a relationship. **FAVE!**
  • Entanglement by orphan_account (G, 3218 w., Ao3)On Christmas Eve, snow covers London, John visits Harry, and Sherlock and Mrs. Hudson untangle some knots. Lovely pining Sherlock fic. Love this one!
  • Definitions by siennna (T, 101,528 w., Ao3)Throughout his life, Sherlock Holmes has always taken facts and held them close like treasures, because in a world of complex emotions, unpredictability, and the unknown, logic has never failed him. Puzzles can always be solved and equations will always have an answer; he seeks and finds comfort in the steady absolution of facts and the knowledge that everything has a definition: an unchanging, consistent meaning. However, at age thirty-five he discovers the exception to all of his neat, tidy logic when he meets John Watson, the one person who evades definition and refuses to be easily categorized—and who makes Sherlock question his own previously unshakeable ideas about everything from life to love. (Apparently a WiP, but it feel complete enough, as the “last chapter” has been waiting for over 2 years)
  • Tease You Till You Come by phoenix089 (E, 6090 w., Ao3) - Initially, Sherlock was rather put out by John’s lack of presence on the case. But then he starts to recieve pictures, several of them, of an unexpected nature. The case is forgotten rather quickly after that.
  • Text Me When It’s Over by immaculately-flawed (K+, 1K+ w., FFnet) - After the fall Sherlock starts writing texts to John. Of course, he never sends them… Until he does by accident. Post Reichenbach fic but not angsty.
  • Texts and Tea by JillianWatson1058 (K, 959 w., ffnet) - A John who is woken up at 2:30 in the morning is not a happy John. Sherlock, frankly, doesn’t care. He just wants his tea.
  • Message Not Sent by Queerasil (K, 762 w. ffnet) - Sherlock texts John after the fall and during the hiatus. The messages are sent, but never received. Sequel to WORDLOCKED, TSTM, and Wait, How Do You Play This Game Again?
  • Iunctum by Fudgyokra (K, 221 w., FFNet) - He stood still for a long time, staring not so much at the words he’d been sent, but at the signature that marked them: A simple ‘SH,’ neatly tucked at the close of the words ‘I’ve missed you.’” A 221B ficlet; Sherlock’s return from the fall.
  • The Art Of Communication by StillWaters1 (T, 2K+ w., FFNet) - Lestrade was used to getting odd, non sequitur texts from Sherlock. But when “John went out for milk” was followed by a terse “two hours ago,” Lestrade immediately understood three things: John was missing, Sherlock was quietly panicking, and this could all end very, very badly.

LETTERS / EPISTOLARY

  • Letters by Jenna Flare (T, 2K+ w., FFNet) - John leaves letters on Sherlock’s grave as a method of coping. Sherlock reads them every week. Sherlock/John, John/Mary. T for swearing. Post-Reichenbach
  • Letters From Beyond by LittleBabeBlue (K, 637 w., FFNet) - A letter for John was found in Sherlock’s coat after he jumped. Post-Reichenbach.
  • Dear John by starwarsfreak95 (T, 601 w. FFNet) - Not all Dear John letters are bad. Sherlock tries to explain to John why he did what he did and how much John means to him.
  • Pen Pals by WerewolfDoctor (K, 2K w., FFNet) - Most people don’t become pen pals by one of them writing a not-suicide note. Then again, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson have never exactly been normal, have they?
  • In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w., Ao3) - John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing…and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes… and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they’re both so very, very rubbish at talking.
  • There’s Something Living in These Lines by teahigh (orphan_account) - (M, 4676 w., Ao3) - Two men, complete opposites in almost every way, who speak only in letters and pages torn from books.
  • Correspondence by Cleo2010 (T, 8031 w., Ao3) – Sherlock’s been spirited away on a case for Mycroft. Part of the deal was that he and John could communicate via letter until the case was completed. Maybe the cliche is true, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Or perhaps something is growing on the feet in the fridge. Read their letters month by month. Written after series one.
  • White Blank Page by SarahCat1717 (M, 11,936 w., Ao3) – Post-fall, Sherlock is off eliminating Moriarty’s crime web. He finds he misses John. He can’t divulge that he still lives, but he placates his need to communicate with John and still feel a connection with him by sending him blank letters. But over time, this writing exercise lends itself to Sherlock exploring his feelings for his friend. What will happen when Sherlock returns to London and the man he has been “writing” to regularly for the past two years? NOT S3 compliant. Mary who?
  • Get It All in Writing by aceofhearts61 (T, 2423 w., Ao3) – Sherlock and John write each other love notes. Part 8 of A Love with No Name
  • and stand there at the edge of my affection by coloredink (G, 2683 w., Ao3)
  • Winter of Life by You_Light_The_Sky (T, 5178 w., Ao3) – It was an experiment, really. On Christmas, Sherlock wrote to Santa asking for a friend. He got a broken toy soldier instead. This is the story of how he finds him again and again.
  • Dear John by wendymarlowe (E, 3 Parts, 30,802 w. Ao3) – With Sherlock dead, John eventually (under duress) makes a profile on an online dating site. And falls into a long-distance relationship with an enigmatic partner who reminds him of Sherlock in all the right ways. (Hint: it turns out to be Sherlock.)

BLOGS / SCRAPBOOKS / JOURNALS

  • The Case of the Vanishing Blog by Hekateras (K+, 2K+ w., FFNet) - Sherlock is in it for the hunt. John is in it for the action. Even so, the events at the Pool leave a mark on both, unwilling as they are to admit it.
  • One-Way Mirror by StormyNight108 (K+, 830 w. FFNet) - Post-Reichenbach one-shot. It’s been months since the incident, where a man lost his best friend. Slowly but surely, John’s life is starting to turn up a little. That night, his blog is updated to share good news to his followers, and one anonymous commentator is quick to share his happiness. It’s about as close to his friend as he can get right now.
  • Don’t Go Without Me by MirabileLectu (T, 1K+ w. FFNet) - Deep in the recesses of the cluttered space under John’s bed, far from the prying eyes of nosy landladies, there is a box.
  • To Sleep, Perchance to Smother Your Flatmate with a Pillow by Linpatootie (G, 5308 w., Ao3) - Sherlock wants to conduct a sleep study of sorts. John contemplates smothering him with a pillow. Part 1 of Two Coffees One Black One with Sugar Please
  • Journal of Truths by Goddess_of_the_Night (T, 2317 w., Ao3) - When John escorts Sherlock back to Baker Street from the tarmac, he discovers a journal that Sherlock has kept secret…that he has kept secrets in. What he sees when he opens it is nothing like what he expected. He expected scrawling notes of observations, or maths equations, or drawings of plants…anything but what he actually finds: confessions.
  • You fit me, Sherlock Holmes by orphan_account (G, 10,077 w., Ao3) – An unfortunate series of events leads to John accepting being a part of Sherlock’s study in physical intimacy. As the days pass by, John realizes he might be in for more than he bargained for. He doesn’t entirely mind.
  • Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder by cypress_tree (E, 10,669 w., Ao3) – John helps Sherlock with an experiment: for an entire month, they are not allowed to touch each other and must remain at least one metre apart at all times.
  • The Great Sex Olympics of 221B by XistentialAngst (E, 58,611 w., Ao3) – John Watson thinks Sherlock Holmes should admit that he, Watson, is more of an expert on sex than Sherlock is. But Sherlock refuses to concede the point. He comes up with an experiment plan that will resolve the issue. The results will determine who wins the prize. But sometimes even the best thought-out scientific study has unexpected consequences.

POST-ITS / LISTS

  • I Believe In Sherlock Holmes by Cennis (K, 2+K w., FFNet)When John came to Baker Street one Sunday about six months after the funeral and found an elegant wooden cane, expensive-looking yet sturdy, stuffed away in the shoe cupboard, he began ‘blogging’ again. It began with post-it notes. POST-FALL.
  • In case of emergency by AlessNox (K, 520 w., FFNet) - Sherlock is charged with making a list of what supplies they would need in case of an emergency.
  • The Three-Word Tin Collection by TheBookshelfDweller (K, 1K+ w., FFNet) - What happens when Sherlock has to store the things he wants to say to John while deconstructing Moriarty’s web, but the Mind palace proves an inadequate place to store them?
  • 206 Reasons by whitchry9 (K+, 1K+, FFNet) - John won’t wake up, so Sherlock lists all the reasons why he should. Because he appears to be a bit besotted. How inconvenient.
  • Because Blah Blah Blah Happy by cwb (E, 4,578 w., Ao3) – John is entirely done with the milk situation and gives Sherlock a list of shit he’s pissed about. Sherlock sets out to make John happy. John is happy. Sherlock makes his own list. They are both very, very happy.
  • The Trouble With Being Subtle. by VictoryCandescence (NR, 5429 w., Ao3) - In which Sherlock experiments, John misinterprets, and everyone else stands back and waits for the light to turn on.
  • The Importance of Torn Papers by MyLittleCornerOfSherlock (G, 2427 w., Ao3) – Little things make a big difference, even little notes of thanks. Small reminders to show he cares.
  • Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish (M, 32,961 w., Ao3) – The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s ‘Heart of Darkness’, and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.” The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” One of these lists is not John Watson’s. If John Watson were to put what he really wanted in list form, to live in a land somewhere beyond ‘almosts’ now that Sherlock Holmes has indeed returned to him, he would never be able to look his flatmate in the eye ever again.
  • See Recipe for Details by pandoras_chaos (E, 4,981, Ao3) – John knows Sherlock’s mouth will never water over the sweet smells of baking chocolate biscuits or a lovely roast chicken, but he’s watched Sherlock nick mince pies out of Mrs. Hudson’s fridge often enough to deduce that the man does have taste, albeit confusing and obscure.
    So John makes a list: Things Sherlock Likes

And I have a few on my Marked For Later List which also have this theme. I HAVE NOT READ THEM, so I don’t know what they are like; I was waiting for them to finish before I do. As well, Alexx has a tonne of lists you can check out too!

Montgomery x Reader Imagine (Part 7/?)

IMPORTANT NOTE: Can I just say that I always get sooo excited when someone comments on my imagines and I always want to reply and give you all hugs and say thank you but I don’t do it because I when I comment name of my other blog shows up so that would be weird and confusing lol
But yeah I see EVERYTHING and want to thank you a million times ❤
PART 1    PART 2     PART 3     PART 4
    PART 5     PART 6


action moves like a month of so forward, somewhere around halloween

“You’re going to the Friday’s party, right?”, Jessica asked when we were warming up before dance on basketball game.

“Umm, not sure yet”, I smiled faintly.

“Excuse me? Y/N Y/L/N can’t not come for halloween party!”, Monty and Bryce were walking by us and clearly overheard.

“I’ll try my best to make it to the party, but I’m doing trick or treat with my cousin and definitely can’t cancel that”.

“You can bring you cousin to the party, the more girls the better”, Bryce sent me his probablly most disgusting smile.

“She’s six, you vein fuck”.

“Well, you can come after you will be done. Come on”, Sheri begged.

“I’ll try my best”, I repeated.

Two days later I was walking around the city with my cousin, she dressed as Joker, me as Harley Quinn and I wasn’t too amused about that, because half of the girls were dressed like Harley, but Trixie* is way too stubborn to fight with her about that. And it was actually cute how surprised she was everytime we passed someone dressed as Harley.

“Have you seen it?”, she whispered. “She was dreesed just like you!”

“I know!”, I made shocked face everytime. “But she doesn’t have this cool baseball bat“.

My dad said I can’t go around dressed like that without anything for selfdefence, so I borrowed Jeff’s bat.
I was walking around, joking with this little six-years-old nugget and didn’t even realised we went to Monty’s house until he opened the door.

“Hi, Monty”, I smiled when he opened the door.

“Trick of treat!”, Trixie shouted.

“Well, treat! You don’t mess with Joker, am I right? And who is your pretty friend?”, he smiled at me.

“It’s Harley. But just for today, normally she’s Y/N and she doesn’t dress like a hooker”, she said seriously.

“Trixie!”, I softly jerked her hand. “Where did you hear that word?”

“In tv”, she shrugged like it was nothing.

“You know, you probably shouldn’t use that word”, Monty crouched in front of Trixie and threw some candies into the basket. “Your mum might get really upset if she heard you say it”.

“Okay, I won’t.”

I was actually surprised how good Monty was with little child, because no one would expect that from typical jock and number one bully in school.

“You’re not at the party?”, I asked.

“I’m leaving soon”, he said as he was standing up. “Are you gonna show up?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll come after I’m finished. Oh come on”, I looked into Trixie’s basket. “You can do better than that, de la Cruz”.

He grinned at me and threw more candies into basket.

“Thanks! Cool!”, Trixie said excited.

“You’ll get some at the party”, he said quietly.

“Will it be trick or treat?”, I asked and bit my lower lip.

“You’ll see”.

Trixie jerked my hand. “Is that your boyfriend?”, she whispered but loud enough for Monty to hear.

“No sweetie, he’s not my boyfriend, just my friend, Monty”, I felt I started blushing.

“Okay”, she nodded her head.

“We’re gotta go, a lot of candies to get”, I smiled. “See you later. Trixie, say bye”

“Bye, Monty!”, she waved at him.

“Bye, girls”, he smiled. “Y/N, you look good when you’re blushing”, he said when we walked a little bit. I didn’t say anything, just shook me head and smile.

Three hours later I finally got to the party, went straight to the kitchen and made myself a drink.

“Where did you lost your Joker?”, Montgomery showed up next to me.

“This party wouldn’t handle Joker”, I laughed.

“You know, as much as I would like to take you upstairs or somewhere right, you should probably look for Jess. I think she and Justin had a fight”.

“Shit”, I rolled my eyes. “Thanks”, I smiled at him and took my drink.

I started looking for Jessica, but instead I spotted Justin talking to Zach, pointing at one place, and that was were I found Jess and Sheri.

“Okay, straight to the point, what happened?”, I asked.

“He’s just… ugh… I’m so tired of him!”, she shouted and drank her drink at once.

I sighed, grabbed her armed and made her follow my steps and we went to the Justin.

“What happened to you two?”, I asked Justin.

“She’s fucking psycho!”

“Can’t you just do one thing I ask you for?!”, Jessica screamed.

“Okay, I’m out”, Zach raised his hands and walked away.

“What did he do or didn’t do?”.

“I’m Nancy, he was supposed to be Sid”.

“I am Sid!”, he defended himself.

“Are you serious? Do you even have internet to check things?”

“Both of you shut up!”, I covered their mouths with my hands. “Okay, Justin you could have done a little bit better. But Jess, when you two stand next to each other no one has a doubt who you are. Sind and Nancy. Nancy and Sid”, I smiled.

“Really?”, she asked.

“Yeah”, I nodded my head. “Now, kiss”, I looked at Justin, who still looked pissed. “Oh come on, you can’t be mad at her for too long, we all know that”

He finally grinned and gave Jess a hug.

“Yay, Y/N, the peacemaker!”, Jeff came up to us and high fived me.

“Okay, Y/N, don’t freak out”, Sheri said with a tone that actually made me wanna freak out. “Don’t look but on your two o’clock is…”

Of course I looked before she even finished the sentence. “Oh, fuck”, I quickly turned my face.

“What? Who is that?”, Jess asked.

“My fucking scumbag exboyfriend, Sean”, my jaw instantly clenched. “Why is he even here? He already graduated, he wasn’t even in Liberty High”

“I think he came with Bryce’s cousin”, Sheri said.

“Fuck”, I tok a huge sip of my drink.

“Monty!”, Jess waved at de la Cruz. “Put your arm around Y/N”.

“What?”, me and Monty asked at the same time.

“He wraps his arm around you, it looks like you’re together and this Sean or whatever his name is won’t come anywhere near you”.

Her plan was pretty good, I had to admit.

“Put you fucking arm around me, Montgomery”, I said through my clenched teeth and so he did.

“He’s here?”, he asked shocked. “We all warned you, when you started dating him. First of all, you were freshman, he was senior, second of all he wasn’t even in Liberty…”

“And he was in our opponent’s basketball team”, Justin added.

“Oh, stop with the fucking basketball team, like it’s the most important part of the story”, I rolled my eyes.

“Okay, but what’s the story?”, Jessica asked, she didn’t know anything, because she wasn’t at Liberty High when everything happened.

“He banged her and she never heard of him again”, Justin said.

“We were official”, I said with sharp tone. “But yeah, he broke up with me right after we… you know”, I finished my drink with one sip.

“Okay, I’ll bring you another, cause I see you need one”, Monty took my empty cup.

“Thanks, lots of vodka, please”.

“I’ll kick his ass”, Jeff said very pissed, and Jeff is not a person who get pissed easily.

“Me too”, Foley added.

“No one’s gonna kick anybody’s ass, go outside, play some beerpong, we’re not making any scene”, I pushed to te backyard and stayed with Sheri.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay”, she tried to cheer me up. “Monty might be, well, Monty, but he’s always there if someone needs him, and Sean can’t be that dumb, to come up to you when you have Montgomery by your side”.

“You’re probably right”, I sent her faint smile and turned around just to see that Sean was already right in front of me.

“Well hello, Y/N. You’re looking even better than when I last saw you, if that’s even possible”, he looked at me up and down.

“Yeah, that’s cool but I got somewhere to be”, I tried to walked next to him, but he took a step to the left and got in my way.

“Come on, don’t run away, we can sit somewhere and go down the memory lane, you know, good, old times”, he stroked my cheek.

“First of all, don’t touch me”, I flinched. “Second of all, there are no good, old times, leave me alone”.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Justin and Jessica coming to us, Jess tried to calm him down.

“Oh, come on, babe”, Sean rolled his eyes.

“She’s not your babe”, suddenly Monty stood next me and I felt like I started breathing again, even though I didn’t realised I had held my breath.

“Is she yours?”.

“She asked you to leave her alone”, Monty took a step towards Sean, so now he was separating him from me.

“Or what?”

“You really wanna see?”, I spotted Montgomery clenched his fists.

“You wanna do it outside?”

“Okay, okay”, I stepped between the two of them. “No one is gonna do anything outside, we’re not making scene”, I spotted Jessica holding Justin arm and Zach whispering something to Jeff. I also noticed music stopped playing, so now everybody’s eyes were on us.

“Oh, I see”, Sean chuckled. “Your whole protect committee is here. Jeff, Justin, Sheri… Everyone who comfort little, poor Y/N after her terrible boyfriend broke up with her”.

Monty got pissed and tried to took another step forward, but I stopped him.

“Monty, don’t”, I whispered. “Okay, Sean, it’s enough”.

I almost made Monty turn around and leave the room, but Sean just wouldn’t stop.

“Maybe if you weren’t so fucking boring in bed I wouldn’t break up with you after I fucked you two times”.

Justin got out of Jessica’s grip and this time I literally had to pushed Montgomery to stop him, only Zach could keep Jeff in place.

“Justin, don’t!”, I shouted and he stopped walking.

I turned to face Sean.

“The right word is “bored” not “boring””, I said calmly. “I was bored in bed. And maybe I wouldn’t be so fucking bored if there was anything to be excited about”, I took a glance at his crotch, making hints about size of his member worked on every guy if you wanted to shut him up. I turned back to Monty.

“Dumb slut”, I heard behind me.

Monty clenched again, his eyes were dark with rage.

“Montgomery, don’t”, I said softly and put my hands on his chest.. “Just drop it.”

“You let him talk to you like that?”, he whispered.

I smiled at him. What he didn’t noticed was that I was boiling inside. And that my hand was clenched in fist. I turned around and punched Sean right in the nose. Everybody’s jaws dropped. He put his hand on his face and when he took it away, still in shock, I punched him again.

“I don’t want to see you ever again!”, I shouted. “You hear me? Ever again!”, once I let my anger get out of me I just couldn’t stop and kicked him in the anckle. “Fucking scumbag!”

“Okay, that’s enough”, Monty grabbed me in my waist, pulled me up and carried me outside. 

“Put me down, I’ll fucking kill him. Montomery, put me down!”, I tried to punch him in his ribs with my elbow.

“Yeah, I’ll handle it”, he said quietly to someone, probably Jeff, cause we just went past him.

We left the house, Monty closed door with a kick and continued carrying me.

“Fuck you, Montgomery”, I shouted.

When we were far from people, he finally put me down, turned me, so I was standing face to face with him and he put his hands on my shoulders.

“Calm down”.

“Don’t tell me to calm down! Why you can get angry and beat the shit out of people, and I can’t?”, I looked at him

“Because you‘re better than that!”, he shouted and that stopped me for a moment. “You’re better than that”, he said calmly. “You’re better than me”.

He saw I was calmer, so he took his hands off my shoulders.

“You okay?”, he asked concerned.

“Yeah… I’m sorry… I acted like a fucking psycho”.

“Hey, hey, don’t apologize for it, the guy is a dick”.

“Did this punch at least looked good or was it that funny, pathetic show that girls always do when they hit someone with their funny little fists?”, I asked.

“Well, even though your fists are funnily small, the punch was actually impressive”, he nodded his head. “Not pathetic. At least until you kicked his anckle,then you started acting like a girl.”

“Whatever”, I rolled my eyes and realised my hand actually hurt a little bit, Monty spotted grin on my face.

“I’ll get you some ice”, he offered.

“No, just”, I touched his arm. “Let’s just… Don’t go inside for a few minutes”.

“What about your hand?”, he asked concerned. “It hurts and it’ll be worse, trust me”.

“It’s okay…”, I mumbled. I looked up because I heard door opening and saw Jeff, who carried a bag of ice. “Thank you, Atkins”, I smiled.

“We can murder him if you want, you know?”, he said.

“Nobody’s gonna murder anyone”, I rolled my eyes.

Door opened again and Zach, Justin, Sheri, Jessica and Bryce walked out.

“What the hell, dudes?”, Walker asked. “Y/N, you’re at a party fifteen minutes and you start a fight?”

“Oh God, you’re so stupid”, I sighed. “You should really pay more attention to who’s coming to your party, Bryce.”

“He’s my cousin’s friend from college and you’re acting like crazy bitch.”

“Have you even been there?!”, I asked loudly.

“Leave her alone, Bryce”, Monty said.

“Actually you know, Bryce, you and Sean would be great best friends as you both treat girls like trash”, I added.

Walker didn’t answear anything, just looked at me for a moment.

“Keep an eye on your chick, Monty”, he said finally.

“First of all, I’m not his chick, and what was that even supposed to mean?”, I asked.

“Just saying”, he shrugged and went back home.

“Fuck you, Bryce”, I shouted to him. “Did he just threatened me?”

“Come on, he’s just talking crap”, Justin said.

“No, Justin, he literally said to Monty to keep his eye on me”.

“For now, let’s focus on you keeping ice on your hand”, Montgomery took the bag of ice I hold in my left hand and put it on the right one.

“He threatened me, you all heard it”, I pointed at all of my friends.

“Let’s just all stay together for the rest of the night, alright?”, Jess proposed. “This party has gotten really fucking weird.”

And so we did, Monty really felt into this whole “put your fucking arm around me” thing, cause whenever Sean was seen closer than on the opposite end of the party, Monty’s hand automatically went on me. And when his arm wasn’t around me, he was in the kitchen making me a drink, to make sure my cup isn’t empty.

One thing led to another and after few drinks I was very, very buzzed and that makes me very touchy so as soon as right moment came I dragged Monty into first empty room and locked the door.

“Mont, do you know what time is it?”, I asked. “It’s a hook up time”, I answered my own question before he even opened his mouth , brought him closer by his neck and kissed.

At first he was a little shocked, what kind of surprised my drunk mind, it’s not like it’s the first time we were doing it, then he got into kissing for a moment, but when he realized I was slowly moving us towards bed, he moved away.

“What’s wrong?”, I asked.

“Babe, you’re wasted”, he said.

“So? If you don’t remember I also was drunk the first time we had sex”.

“You weren’t that drunk”, he crossed his arms.

“Like you care”, I snorted.

“Maybe you should take a nap”, he offered.

“I don’t want a nap, I want you to fuck me”, I said and put my arms around his neck. “Daddy?”

At this point he almost cracked, I could tell when he bit his lower lip and close his eyes.

“I don’t take advantage of drunk girls”, he said with his eyes still closed.

“Oooh, daddy has some morals?”, my thumb went up and down on the back of his neck.

He sighed, put his hands on my hips, kissed me and started moving us towards bed.

He laid me on bed  and the moment my head touched the pillow I felt how soft and comfy it was and how tired I actually was and that I couldn’t even bother to move my lips.

“Are you tired?”, Monty asked softly.

I nodded my head.

I closed my eyes, he moved me so I was laying on side and not on my back and covered me with a blanket.

“Take a nap”, he whispered and left the room.

It felt like a minute passed when someone kneeled next to bed.

“Hey, you’re okay?”, Monty asked.

“God, you left like a minute ago, let me nap”, I mumbled and covered my head with blanket.

Montgomery giggled. “Y/N, you slept for an hour”.

“What?!”, I quickly sat on bed.  

“It’s okay”, he smiled. “Here, I got you some water”.

“Thanks”, I took a glass from him and drank it all at once. “God, I feel like shit after that nap, why did you let me nap?”, I moaned.

“Because you were wasted”.

“I wasn’t that drunk. A little buzzed, but not wasted”, I rolled my eyes.

“I called you babe and you didn’t reply with your ‘I’m not your babe’”.

“Maybe I was trying to be nice?”

Montgomery didn’t answer, just bit his lips trying not to laugh.

“What? What did I do?”, I asked. “Monty, tell me”, I punched his arm.

“You called me daddy”, he said finally.

“No, I didn’t”, I said disgusted.

He nodded his head.

“Oh my God”, I laid back and again covered my face with blanket in embarrassment. “You know it wasn’t me talking? I was wasted”.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought”, he laughed. “You want more water?”

“No, I’m good. Thank you, Monty”, I smiled.

“You’re welcome”.


*Trixie - named after Trixie from show “Lucifer” on FOX, if you haven’t watch it, I hardly recommend it, very good shit and Trixie is my favourite.

Oh, sorry this one was mostly dialogues, but I kinda struggle with describing and that kinda stuff because english is not my first language (I really have to stop using it as an excuse for everything)

10

Scribble: Hey, you guys asked to see it!!

Tomattordedd: No, Edd two bleach my eyes with anted to see it.

Tomattordedd: I didn’t know it was going to be THIS!!!

Tomattordedd: Oh my God this is going to look SO good on tumblr.

Tomattordedd: TOM DON’T YOU DARE-.. Wait. Was the camera on this whole time??

Tomattordedd: I sure hope so!

Tomattored: Hey, at least it’s better than Tomtord.

Tomattordedd: I think I’m going to bleach my eyes out now…

Scribble: Y’know what? I’m just gonna delete this.

Brought to you by scribble tom, the little shipper thanks to the internet.

Break Dance AU

Just
Just hear me out
There’s this one all-star team. One if them is a DJ at the club and the other is a small-time rapper. They’ve been dancing for a long time and have quite the reputation.
They’re Team Analogical. Anxiety and Logic.
Aka
Anthony and Logan, best friends since pre-k. They’ve been the champs for a long time, ever since they beat Tag Team, one of their favorite rivals.

Then, there’s this new team.
Royality.
Prince and Morality.
Not much is really known about them??
Anthony is convinced that Prince is that one rich kid what was his name? Roman?
Logan rolls his eyes and says he’d be just as pompous here as he was in school if they were one in the same.

Roman is /panicking/
Patton the cute boy in math class is there and he’s really good and oh my god he likes me but he’s not a fan of me at school and oh gosh he’s so talented and Patton are you listening
That Logic is pretty cute huh

Basically these two “mystery characters” are total nerd pining over their self proclaimed arch rivals (thanks Roman) (I apologized!)

Tag Team gas figured all of this out and is trying to get them together but it’s /not working/
Missy we gotta do it
Peter no this is a terrible idea
No, no it’s great
We are not using my little brother in one of your schemes
PLEASE
OKAY FINE BUT YOU OWE ME

Peter and Missy are in their study group
At first none of them have any clue
Missy figures it out first
Hey most amazing little brother
Oh, god, what
We ship these guys together right-
You mean Prinxiety and Logicality?

How-
The internet, Miss. The internet. So, you two know my price, right?
Missy looks at Peter
Groan
Fffine.
Well?
I’ll get it to you tomorrow. /After/ you’ve done the thing.
Steven (Imaj) smiles
Deal.

Later that night
LOGAN WHERE IS OUR MAKE UP
I DON’T KNOW
F UCK

PATTON
Yeah?
WHERE IS OUR MAKE UP
… Oh no
*high pitched screaming*

… I don’t know where to go from here but Imma write somethin’ up during Creative Writing.

RFA + V and Saeran reacting to an MC whose an ex porn star ( lmao )

//this is crack because I couldn’t take it seriously oh my god also gif warning!

NSFW

Zen:


Originally posted by dxsobedient

- what

- you… did what exactly?

- I mean let’s be honest here Zen hasn’t always done “ the best ” things for money but

- porn?? like actual porn on the Internet?? are you out of your mind??

- ,,, he does watch it

- I mean it’s done and over with but holy shit he’s like … my pure angel .. is no longer pure ..

Jumin:


Originally posted by youoctopimythoghts

- ??

- why would you do this you can never live this down

- how many people have seen this arrest them all

- pays so much money to get that taken down from every site imaginable

- he’s forgiving I mean it was your past but w h y

- “Elizabeth the 3rd would have never done this MC. ”

Yoosung:

Originally posted by internetcultleader

- need I say more?

Seven:


Originally posted by sakurarules

- he already knew he went deep into the stalking

- has he watched it multiple times? yes

- down w/ it he doesn’t care honestly it’s done and over with now you’re all his ~~

- actually might make some with you but it won’t go up anywhere he can’t have that on him on top of everything else

V:


Originally posted by gurl

- well shit

- he doesn’t really know what to say

- just kinda awkwardly sits there because he’s never met someone who’s done things even near that

- at least that he knows of.. looking at you Seven..

- “ well.. i’m sure god will forgive you MC. ”

- tries to stay positive even though he’s screaming inside oh god he can’t believe he’s in a relationship with a porn star he’s turned on and terrified at the same time



Saeran:

Originally posted by justalittletumblweed

– ok

- he doesn’t really care just shrugs it off

- you’re not even mad?

- no why would I be

- you show him and he’s like ,, hm ,, interesting..

- MC thats a lot of dicks

- how’d you fit them in there holy shit

- shocked but very impressed. 

"it really pisses me off when people shit on Ian and Anissa's relationship, they're obviously happy"

Seriously…. Shut the fuck up. The ones acting all noble like you’re above the bitter feelings, When in reality y'all just think he’s gonna give you a gold fucking star for kissing his and his girlfriend’s ass.

You know nothing of thier relationship. So stop assuming shit constantly.

“Oh they’re so goals!!!”
BITCH HOW??

Ian’s done a pretty good job of keeping his private life private, she might answer some tweets but that’s the most you nosy obsessive motherfuckers are gonna get. We don’t know what happens behind the scenes with them.

“We have to be supportive of him!!”
So like his fucking videos, that’s seriously the only thing you can do. Idk bout y'all but I really doubt Ian’s reading all the tweets and comments worried about how some loser ass internet kids feel about his personal life.

And if you don’t like Anissa THATS OKAY TOO
You don’t have to like someone for the sole fact that they’re dating one of your favorite YouTubers!

If you like Anissa COOL MAN
Watch her stream! Follow her insta!

If you only like Anissa because she’s dating Ian, educate yourself. Go watch some of her shit, get a feel for her and then decide if you really like her.

You Said a Mouthful

MSR || S7 || Smuttish || For @leiascully and @xfficchallenges dialogue challenge!


‘I’ve been thinking Mulder… Maybe we should start digitising our files - oh don’t look at me like that! At least hear me out before you start shouting internet conspiracy theories?’

‘Hmmm.’

‘I don’t mean the the sensitive stuff, just our reference materials. I don’t have your memory and being able to cross reference weird bite marks, unusual weapons, small towns with cannibal corporations without having to remember where they are in your crazy system - OW - you know it’s crazy’

‘…’

‘Imagine how much time we’d save for… other things… if we could just tap in “giant proboscis”  and call up what we needed. How many hours we could- Mulder? No don’t stop I’m not done!’

‘Scully. My tongue can’t do this kind of delicate work when my mind is occupied with office minutiae, and my libido and the word “proboscis” don’t seem to get along. I thought you wanted me to distract you?’

‘I did! I just…’

‘Scully. Tell me you didn’t ply me with oral sex during a case just so you could try to talk me into upgrading our files?’

‘I… just figured maybe I had a better chance of finishing my pitch if you had your mouth full!’

SCULLY’

‘Mulder. You are a paranoid stick in the mud.’

‘And you are in violation of not only several FBI fraternisation guidelines, which you have previously upheld even on my birthday! Not to mention our personal rule #1 - Do not let personal relationship interfere with X-Files work.’

‘But Mulder-’

‘Uh-uh! My turn to talk now I think. I should be very hurt by your cruel misuse of my famously pouty lower lip and boyish need to please… but as I enjoyed it I think I can find it in me to forgive you.’

‘You’re a true Christian martyr Mulder.’

‘Except I only worship at the altar of Dana Scully… but I do think what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. How about you see what you can do to recover Mulder junior from his proboscis related downfall while I argue my side of the digital debate, and then afterwards we’ll see about working our way to a mutually enjoyable compromise?’

‘Hmmph.’

‘Shhh Scully. Didn’t anyone anyone ever tell you it’s rude to talk with your mouth full?’

‘You have one minute until I start biting.’

‘Hackers Scully. Technology is advancing at a -fuck! You know what? We can finish this conversation late-OH!’

NERVE starters

‘ I haven’t found the right time to tell her. ’

‘ thank you, i love you, i’ll see you in a little bit. ’

‘ (name) doesn’t have to care, (name) has a trust fund. ’

‘ I don’t want space, I just want you. ’

‘ he put peanut butter on his junk and let his dog lick it off. ’

‘ I don’t expect you to understand. I’m an adrenaline junkie, you like to stay within your comfort zone, that’s fine. ’

‘ what about that pole dancing class we took ? ’

‘ why are you attacking her ? ’

‘ life is passing you by, you need to learn to take a few risks every once in a while. ’

‘ alright, you’ve been dared. do you accept your dare, (name) ? ’

‘ nah, she’s not my type. ’

‘ you are not nearly as hot as you think you are. ’

‘ look I spend a lot of time on the dark web, okay ? ’

‘ kiss a stranger for five seconds ? ’

‘ make a choice, the clock is ticking. ’

‘ – and I’m sorry that I’m totally geeking out and ruining the story. ’

‘ where did he go ? ’

‘ that was some kiss. ’

‘ does he always tell you what to do ? ’

‘ I’m gonna be outside, if you change your mind. ’

‘ you know, Charles Manson was a singer too ! ’

‘ I was hoping you’d come. ’

‘ I’m just warning you, I don’t think I’d make a very good partner. ’

‘ I’m not the daredevil type. ’

‘ the second I feel uncomfortable, I’m out. ’

‘ please let me fart on you ! ’

‘ hey, try screaming ! ’

‘ hey, what’s your email number – I mean your, uh, what’s your info ? ’

‘ alright, how about my first born son too ? ’

‘ are these stolen ? ’

‘ dolla dolla bill yo ! ’

‘ have you ever parallel parked a car in your life ? ’

‘ she’s doing what she apparently thinks is best for herself. ’

‘ I don’t think that (name) can handle this, I’m actually really worried about her. ’

‘ get your ass to this party and help me okay ? ’

‘ okay, just, please no fire-breathing dragons, or knives. No clowns, no snakes, no skeletons. ’

‘ what about this: just a tattoo of my dad ? he’s gorgeous, honestly, he’s a nice looking guy. ’

‘ I’m laughing ‘cause it’s good. ’

‘ hey you have to trust us. ’

‘ hold on I’m just doing the Y in ‘daddy’. ’

‘ hey, hey, stay with me, stay with me. ’

‘ he would laugh so hard if he saw me getting a tattoo right now. ’

‘ boom ! I am done. you go to that mirror and you celebrate my work. ’

‘ well did you try google ? ’

‘ I’m not gonna buy guns or something. ’

‘ (name) ! no ! not happening ! ’

‘ they’re asking if I can trust you. can I ? ’

‘ I have the perfect tattoo picked out for you ! ’

‘ don’t do anything dumb, dummy. ’

‘ oh god, I love the internet. ’

‘ there is no way in hell I am doing that ! ’

‘ say yes, just say yes. ’

‘ just keep your eyes open. ’

‘ hey, I know you’re scared but you’ve gotta talk to me, (name). ’

‘ that is the craziest thing I have ever done ! you are incredible ! ’

‘ you guys don’t need to be afraid, because I’m not afraid. ’

‘ just give me a real dare. ’

‘ maybe we could … team up ? ’

‘ how would I know if I’m being hacked ? ’

‘ (name), what are you not telling me ? ’

‘ some things happened that I wish turned out differently. ’

‘ this is just kinda something I need to do. ’

‘ if you want to talk about it, i’m here. happy to listen. ’

‘ I’m just tired of being her sidekick all the time. ’

‘ she’s at this party, mostly likely drunk and needs me to hold her hair back. ’

‘ stop yelling at me ! stop ! ’

‘ you guys are SO famous right now ! ’

‘ oh, come on, (name), you never even spoke to him. ’

‘ it’s fine. certainly no surprise. ’

‘ you know what’s not fine ? I almost died tonight, (name), and you were nowhere to be found. ’

‘ I’m sorry, when you said I should live my life did you mean I should live it in your shadow ? ’

‘ it is time to get over her, clearly she has traded up. ’

‘ why do you have to be such a bitch ? ’

‘ oh, look at that! little (name) finally speaking her mind ! ’

‘ you’re one of those girls who peaks in high school. ’

‘ we control your life. we control your family. we control your future. ’

‘ they’re onto us ! ’

‘ do you really want one of us to die tonight ? ’

‘ you are now an accessory to murder. ’

‘ she’s a badass. take care of her. ’

Right Place, Right Time

Pairing - Sebastian Stan x Reader
Summary
- A mishap at a fan convention lands you in the arms of the Winter Soldier himself
Warnings
- n/a, just adorable fluff, it’s sorta my thang
Word Count
- 3004
Notes
- This oneshot has been specially made for the lovely and talented @dianelogan. Happy Birthday Beck! I’ll be floored if this is still a surprise with all the hints I’ve been dropping. You’ve been a wonderful friend to me and have encouraged me time and time again as a writer. Thanks for the advice and inspiration, you are amazing. :)

Originally posted by the-red-alpha

As the elevator doors closed behind you, you hit the button for your floor, closed your eyes and leaned against the wall. You had been at the con since well before dawn and were completely exhausted. All you could think about was crawling into bed and not moving until tomorrow.

You knew something wasn’t right just as the elevator reached your floor. There was a dull buzzing in your ears as you stepped out and you stumbled into the wall as you turned in the direction of your room. Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP! Not here, not now…. I just need to make it to my room and I’ll be fine…..I’ll be fine…….  You fumbled in your bag for your room key as spots began to multiply before your eyes. It was happening too fast, you weren’t going to make it. Your legs gave out as you slid down the wall and the world went completely black.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Do you want a season 5 of skam after what happened ? Have to watch Eva and Jonas as a couple and maybe even a scene with the apparently "soulmates" Chris and Emma?

Oh god, the most double edged question ever. When I saw the very first line I was like ‘this is a complicated but easy question’ but then I saw the rest and I was like you’re intentionally trying to hurt me, aren’t you, dear unknown stranger on the internet? What have I ever done to you?

But okay, I’m going to try to be objective about this. First off, as bitter and upset as I am at the-incident-that-must-not-be-mentioned (hereby abbreviated to TITMNBM), I would never deny everyone else a chance to see more of their OTPs, even if it meant that I would have to swear off Tumblr forever and resign myself to a life of seclusion under a rock on Mars just so that I wouldn’t have to see the repercussions of TITMNBM and increasing the chances of me seeing my OTP doing OTP stuff with people who they’re not meant to be with and mainly because I DEFI-FUCKING-NITELY don’t want to see Eva back in that relationship ever. I’d rather her not be Chris than to see her with Jonas and that’s the absolute truth.

My more logical Chriseva side would say that if Julie really believes that Chris and Emma would actually last the weekend, much less for life, as a couple, then she’s seriously more daft than I originally thought. I won’t comment on the other couple because I believe in my soul that Eva was just in the heat of the moment and that she’s DEFINITELY SMARTER THAN THAT *gazes intently into the computer screen like I’m in the office willing that fact into existence*

Thirdly, no OTP is truly endgame unless their relationship started with an insult or an act that’s super childish. 

Point in case:

  • “Stop walking around like a fucking cliche.”
  • Even insulting Isak’s ability to hold his breath.
  • Yousef throwing grass at Sana.

See:

  • “Don’t be a dick-tease.”

See the pattern?

I rest my case.

Lydia out.

Originally posted by usedpimpa

TL;DR I would want a season 5 for everyone else, but unless Julie fixes this disgusting decision she made, I will definitely not be happy about it.

me calling sufjan stevens on my BlackBerry™: hey listen dude sorry to bother you but you just got misgendered on the internet again

sufjan: Oh. Well, thanks for letting me know. :( Oh, hey, wait, are you nearby?

me: i’m not sure, where are you

sufjan: I just got done doing some light shopping at Talbot’s. I could walk home but it’s getting dark and it’s kinda far. Think you could give me a ride?

me: i don’t have a drivers license or a car sufjan

sufjan: Oh no that’s not what I meant. I was going to ride on the handlebars of your bike.

me: … ok, yeah, i guess. but this happened last week too and we almost crashed, remember? you really need to have reliable transportation arranged for your talbot’s pilgrimages.

sufjan: I know, I’m sorry.

me: its ok

Jikook Internet Friends AU 18

masterlist


Where Jimin watches an horror movie

Oh, god. I don’t even know how all of you still like this istg this is terrible lmao. A lil bit of namjin 4 my namjin homies. buttcheeks. oh, god. hope u enjoyed that. I always notice hardcore grammar mistakes when it’s done ahhh sorry for that my English is trash. Pd. Let i love u sm. I accept requests so if u have one or just want to say something (whenever u want I’m always here 4 y’all lovely people), go ahead!

Sorry for the small mistakes and I hope you like it!

THE SCOUT’S BACKSTORY or How The Scout Grew Up, Dodged the Draft, Got Drafted, and Got Enlisted As A Mercenary [A Meet-the-Mercs Tf2 Headcanon/ Backstory Fiction]

Preface:

If you’re not familiar with the term, “Draft Dodger” then go and look it up, there’s even a song about it called the “Draft Dodger Rag” it’s really cool, we have the internet for a reason, GO, come back when you’re done.

[Here’s the Vid and lyrics]

Lyrics:

Oh, I’m just a typical American boy from a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodd and a-keepin’ old Castro down
And when it came my time to serve I knew “better dead than red”
But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said:

[Chorus] :

Sarge, I’m only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma’s getting worse
Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain’t no fool, I’m a-goin’ to school
And I’m working in a DEE-fense plant

I’ve got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back
I’m allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I’m addicted to a thousand drugs
I got the weakness woes, I can’t touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
I’d probably start to sneeze

[Chorus]

Ooh, I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies,
Onething you gotta see
That someone’s gotta go over there
And that someone isn’t me
So I wish you well, Sarge, give ‘em Hell!
Kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore
I’ll be the first to go

Yes, I’m only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma’s getting worse
Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain’t no fool, I’m a-goin’ to school
And I’m working in a DEE-fense plant

(Taken from Google Play Music Lyric Website)

Personally, I figured the Scout had to be trained to some degree in actual combat, but I also figured he was a draft-dodger, people had all kinds of reasons to not want to go to war. Since we don’t hear much about Scout’s siblings ever, I assumed their either dead or gone somewhere. There’s also mention of Scout’s Mom. So it’s most likely a lot of his backstory revolves around them.

Now that you’re familiar with draft-doding and you have an idea of what all this means, here’s the story of Jeremy Deluca, The Draft Dodging Son-Of-A-Bitch.

Story:

It all actually started when Jeremy was a kid. Being the youngest of eight brothers who actively got into scraps with the other neighborhood kids, because someone thought it would be funny to insult their Ma or cheat during a game of baseball, Jeremy’s brothers were like a vicious pack of street dogs that had no control. There was Henry, Josh, Frank, Dean, George, Johnny and Paul, but then there was the runt of the litter, little Jeremy who never got the chance to get into those scraps and prove himself. It didn’t really help him that he was short and weak, but he kept on trying.

The day came that little Jeremy Deluca realized he wasn’t going to be a little runt anymore when he got beat up by the scumbag down the street, Billy Andrews, and it took his brothers to save the day and get arrested, spending a week in jail for juvenile misconduct, while Jeremy got out free.

Now this disgrace forced the boy into a slump, but that slump was overpowered when his ma talked to him about it, “Jeremy, baby, you’re not trash, you ain’t a coward, if you put your mind to it, it’ll all be okay. Listen, if ya really want to be as tough as ya brothers, you gotta work, that’s how the world works, baby, ya gotta work.” She said in a motherly way, he remembered her going back inside and closing the door behind her, leaving Jeremy to think.

When his seven brothers came back the next day he could tell  that they didn’t have any remaining respect for the little guy, so he did what any respectable person would do, he pulled up his dungarees, tightened his belt, tied his shoes and ran.

“Why would he start running?” you may ask. It wasn’t to run away, it was to practice, it’s to prove that he’ll be the first one to the fight and the first one to get out if the cops show up. “That doesn’t sound too brave,” I hear you say, the thing is, he’d want to leave, mainly because the people he got into fights would probably be near-death on account of him using his baseball bat, “Annabel.”

So our little runt of the litter started running, from his home to the water-front, faster, harder, for as long as possible, his Ma even helped him out, always telling him she makes her proud, and giving him whatever he needed to keep getting better. Eventually his skills truly bored fruit when he heard from Frank that Billy Andrews was harassing Jeremy’s friend Suzy. Apparently, Billy had called Suzy a “Stupid cunt that ain’t worth nothin’ but whorin by Old Man Benny’s Diner at night.”

Naturally, Jeremy picked up his bat and started running down the street, followed by his brothers. Suzy was a close family friend, she was a waitress at Benny’s and would always serve the boys hot coffee with pie when their Ma wasn’t home, she cared for those boys like they were her own brothers.

So The Deluca boys came bursting through Billy Andrew’s door and kicked his teeth in, then brought him, drooling and bleeding, to Suzy, who was crying her eyes out and forced an apology out of him.

From that point on nobody messed with the Deluca boys. Nobody messed especially with Jeremy. When the boys got home they remember their Ma patting on the backs, Jeremy specifically remembered when she said, “He got what was comin to him, you boys did  right in kickin his ass, I love you.” it was sweet, but only more sugar was added when she took Jeremy to the side after dinner and handed him his father’s beret, “Ya father wore this, and said, when you were ready you should take it, he may have been an ass and hopped ship, but he was always talkin’ about how he wanted tough boys who did right by the people they know and love. Take it honey.” 

He wore that beret every day.

A few years down the road, Uncle Sam asks his countrymen to kill some dirty commie bastards across the world, and so the boys are enlisted.

Jeremy isn’t a coward and he wasn’t going to back down from a fight but he was still the youngest and he only had a year left before he could jump on the war-wagon, but even then his Ma even said he couldn’t join on account of the fact that he was still under the age of enlistment. The other Deluca boys did jump on the war wagon and shipped off. However, tragedy struck when a letter came in the mail, and tears started to stream.

Seven deaths for a family within the span of a year, and all who was left was little Jeremy, the runt.

Ma didn’t want any of it; she didn’t want her little boy to die with the others, so she begged him to stay. She didn’t want to lose her little boy.

Being a loving son, and seeing the situation for what it was, Jeremy Deluca did whatever he could to dodge that draft when the recruiters would come knocking.

He burned the papers, he lied to the interviewers and when all else failed, he skipped town, running all the way down to New York City by foot.

But the military heard about this kid, they knew what he was capable of, and so in a short series of events, CIA agents capture our runt and bring him into the armed forces, training him to be boy for Uncle Sam, but never really getting rid of his personality or his memories of his Ma, and his brothers.

The boy had enough confirmed kills to make the US Military question why they even bothered having an army in the first place. Jeremy’s streak lasted him a good while, he was promoted and given a suicide squad of his own to go out and kill some Charlies. But even if Deluca’s Death Squad had more confirmed kills than any squad in US history up until that point, it all came to an end when Deluca himself had been captured by the Vietcong during a scouting mission, with the rest of his boys dying in the jungles of Vietnam.

Alone and missing his Ma he remembered looking at the faces of his captures and only wanting to kick their teeth in, just like Billy. Twenty-four Vietcong had been guarding that small compound, they knew what the boy was capable of, but they weren’t prepared for a sniper to come out of the jungle and kill all 24 and break the boy out.

Raining and dark, all that could be heard was the screaming of dying men, and the gunshots of a sniper rifle from the jungle, then, footsteps. Boots caked in mud came up to the cage and a fellow in sunglasses looked down on the tired, and clearly starving, boy.

“Gid evenin’ mate.” He chuckled, a rough Australian accent dressed his words.

“The crap, you a freakin sniper?” Deluca weakly asked,

“Yip, and you’re comin with me, me boss gotta job for ya.” The man reached over and took some keys off of a dead body and unlocked the cage.

Immediately Deluca pushed himself onto the man and started to beat him, he suspected that the man was here to just kill him, the “boss” had to be a lie. The man, however, was much stronger and knocked the boy out with the butt of his sniper rifle.

Deluca awoke to find himself face to face, in a chair, with the man from before. He looked around, it looked, and very much smelled, like a camper van. The mud on his clothes was still wet, so it couldn’t have been too long since he became unconscious. He stared intensely at the man. “So, you here to kill me? Mercy killin huh? Figured those cheap bastards at HQ wouldn’t keep their favorite soldier-boy alive after all that. Well come on Mister Outback.”  He mimicked the man’s Australian accent.

The man simply sneered and walked out of a door.

A few minutes pass and the door opens again, a young woman comes out, dressed in purple. “Hello gorgeous.”

“Don’t ever call me that again Mr. Deluca.”

“Yeah, whatever you say hotstuff.”

“Not that either, you can call me Ms. Pauling.”

“Miss eh? So aaaa, what’s a pretty girl like you doin in the rainforest of scenic Vietnam, where the napalm is burnin’, and the bodies rottin’?” He chuckled at his own joke.

“Mr. Jeremy Deluca, I work for Reliable Excavation and Demolition we understand that you’re able to run.” Her voice trailed off. “I… My boss needs someone with your particular set of skills to work for us.”

“You need me to run? Doll, I’ve been runnin since I was like 13, I can run wherever you need me to.” He said enthusiastically, “especially you.”

“Mr. Deluca, do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?”

“Nope, and I don’t freakin care, as long as it’s with you, I’m glad.”

Ms. Pauling slapped her forehead harshly, almost leaving a red mark. “He still talkin’ in there?” The man from earlier shouted from outside the van.

She ignored his question and continued to speak with Scout. “Alright, listen to me Mr. Deluca, you’ll be working for RED, a mega corporation that is currently at war with its rival company and requires that you kill more people. It’s imperative that you understand this, because honestly, you seem like a nice kid, and I don’t want you to do something you don’t wanna do.”

“Listen lady, I’ve been killin for those Goons back in HQ for probably a year or so.”

“It’s more than that,” Her voice trailed off again as she reached into a leather bag and pulled out his dossier, “according to your file, you’re the fastest soldier in the U.S. military, you’re able to cover miles without breakIN a sweat. This is fairly impressive, you’re from Boston.”

“BEST FREAKIN CITY IN THE WHOLE DAMN U.S.!” He shouted.

“You’re the son to a Mathilda Deluca, the youngest of eight brothers. All of your brothers died, and you’re all that’s left… but you’re also a draft dodger-” Deluca cut her off.

“WELL THAT AIN’T FREAKIN TRUE! I’M HERE AIN’T I? GONNA DIE FOR MY STUPID FREAKIN COUNTRY AND NEVER SEE MY MA AGAIN!” He shouted to near tears, “WHERE THE HELL YOU GET OFF TALKIN ABOUT MY BROTHERS AND MY MA?! I OUGHTA- OUGHTA- OUGHTA-” His faced became sorrowful and tears began to form in the corner of his eyes. “Ma…” He whispered.

She saw he was clearly distraught by this, “Listen Mr. Deluca,I should probably tell you that if you take this job, well-” she attempted to explain more, only for Mr. Sniper to burst in through the door.

“WE GOT COMPANY!”  He shouted cocking his gun and placing another bullet inside. “BLOODY WANKERS MUSTA TOLD THEIR MATES! THEY’RE COMING THIS WAY!”

“Untie me; I can get rid of these bozos.” Ms. Pauling quickly got to work untying the young man, and he immediately grabbed the pistol fro the counter,  he stood up and restored himself to a calmness, he stretched himself out and checked the pistol, before cracking his neck. 

“You owe me a date.” He kicked down the door and went to work.

He scoffed as he counted off ten Vietcong coming in from the South. “Yo, Sniper, keep my ass clean, I’ma kill some Commies for my Ma and my brothers.”

The boy rushed out as the Sniper unloaded suppressing fire on his shadowy targets. Under the shade of night small flashes of light would appear quickly across the tree line, and in an instant, Deluca returned with nothing but an empty clip. “Hey look, I made a bunch of assholes die for their freakin country, thanks Patton!” he said confidently.

Ms. Pauling stepped out of the van after the fighting was over and saw that Jeremy was still proudly standing in the rain. She was prepared to say something but Deluca spoke first, “Lady, I ain’t doin this for you, all I want is to see my Ma and if you can get me outta this shit hole, I’m fine with that. You better pay enough to get my Ma a freakin mansion in Beverely freakin Hills.” He ended with that, and took off his beret, and placed it in his back pocket. He walked into the van and sat on the bed.

Sniper looked at Ms. Pauling, “He’s a kid, you betta’ tell ‘im about the contract.”

“Not yet, let him get settled in. I’ll tell him after we gather the rest”

“Who’s next Ma’am?” The Sniper asked as he walked her around to the driver’s side.

“Our next recruit? A Soldier. A Jane Doe.” 

Conclusion:

There you all go, I’ve been meaning to add Scout’s backstory on here, but after the first one, I’ve been losing my mind as to what to say. I kept true to what I already know, so here it is. Hope ya’ll like the song, as most of you seem to.

I figured a Momma’s boy Scout who cares for his Ma, and his brothers would translate well to most people. This sort of mentality, I figured, would also work well when he would be with his new family of psychopathic mercs.

Technology master Bakura is fine and dandy and all

But I’m more of a fan of the idea that 3000-5000 years stuck in a ring caused Bakura to have the ultimate case of technologically illiterate grandma

For example

“Marik why can’t I go on the Internet”

“Because your laptop is updating”

“What does that have to do with anything”

“It’s updating. You have to wait until it’s done.”

“Wait. I’ll just turn it off and on. That usually works.”

“Bakura no!”

“wHY IS IT BEEPING AT ME???”

“BECAUSE YOU- oh, forget it.”

thewanderingzebra1  asked:

I think you misunderstood by "not liked" ... I mean hated. Seen as an awful person who didn't deserve a happy ending for stuff like Arbu.

OOC SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING BELOW

Uh, what? Since when the hell did Littlepip get a happy ending? Yeah, she lived, but that’s hardly a qualifier. She’s going to live a long time, but is also going to see everypony she ever knew grow old and die before she does. And she can’t leave, because not only would that be breaking her promise to Celestia, the risks involved with leaving (let alone surviving the trip) are immense.

Operating the SPP is physically & mentally draining, and most of Littlepip’s time is spent either running it or sleeping (or both, as it can operate while unconscious, so even while resting, she’s working).

The idea is that communications (such as this blog) and the occassional chat or game with Celestia are the only other things she does in what little free time she has. Homage is currently strong enough to visit every week or two, but that won’t last forever, and the rest of her friends visiting are rare enough that she mainly sees them through a screen. Are folks forgetting about the whole incineration thing needed to teleport in AND out?

Not to mention the actual physical pain she’s in from everything that has happened (do you think losing entire limbs, breaking bones and all those other things somehow don’t leave permanent damage?), the constant thoughts of “Could I have done this differently?”, the concerns about her losing what makes her an equine (especially with the cutie mark scarring), plus the whole fused flesh thing from the Pink Cloud. Oh, and things like reminders of that little pony who was reduced to ash by the Enclave that are always nearby and.. the list goes on.

Littlepip did not “get off easy”, nor does she get to sit and play videogames or browse the Internet all day. Maintaining an entire nation’s weather systems when ponies previously were available to handle it on both local and wide-area levels is not a simple task, and thanks to the Enclave, the pegasi aren’t trusted enough to undertake that duty once more. It’s going to take close to a century, if not two, before Littlepip’s duties actually end due to all of the above, and the need to restore a more natural harmony with the skies.

tl;dr: If anything, Littlepip is actually getting what karma is supposed to do to you, because while plenty of lives were improved by her actions, and will in the generations ahead, there was a lot of suffering & death to get there. And she bears that burden every moment of every day, and will, for far longer than the amount of time anyone else will ever go through it, besides Celestia Herself.

Sounds pretty goddamn fair to me.

P.S. This is both in-character and the mod speaking, but Arbu? Fuckers deserved it. They killed ponies, then fed them to their own fucking children, and raised them as brainwashed cannibal pseudo-raiders themselves. Plus they fed everypony they sold their “meat” to, the same damned thing! They deserve the bullets and the burning in hell they got; the problem was the children weren’t evacuated first and Littlepip lost herself to hate making the kills.

The actual deaths of those bastards? I’d do it again. Differently, quicker, cleaner and more humane, as described, but again. Both of “us”.

Don't be a sh*thead online.

One of my ex girlfriends had a mother who was a high school teacher. She was the sweetest thing, although was also a total pushover. For this story’s sake, we’ll call her Margaret Jones.

When I’d visit my ex, this woman almost wouldn’t leave me alone, constantly “Can I get you something to eat?”, “We had dinner earlier, can I warm something up for you”, “OH! I remember you like this hot sauce, so I picked some up for you and it’s in the cupboard - here, I’ll show you where so you can use it when you would like!”. Total sweetheart.

Now, I can’t particularly vouch for how she was as a science teacher, but I can only imagine she was probably overrun by sh*tty high school students who made her life hell. She probably had a hard time controlling the class in many situations. She just wasn’t all that assertive.

One day my ex calls me “Holy f*ck, you have to see this Facebook group!”, and sends me the link. It’s titled “Mrs. Jones Is A Cunt HAHAHA” and has somewhere around 60 members, all high school students talking sh*t about this poor women, how they make her life hell and what they’ve done / said to her, etc. Of course, my ex is deeply saddened because her mom is being slagged online. At this same time my ex was completing her Masters in university majoring in psychology. Her thesis was on bullying among teens. How ironic. My ex insists she contact Facebook to get it taken down. I told her no. Let me see what I can do first. This caused a bit of a fight between her and I as I’m one for teaching people a lesson, while she wanted to sweep it under the rug so her mom wouldn’t find out and it’d just go away. Further, she didn’t like “eye for an eye” mentality.

First, I screenshot every conversation, every comment, every photo - just in case it went away somehow. I then wrote down every name, made a nice little excel file with them all and began my quest. Seeing as I knew where all these kids lived (well, the general region) I began to search out phone numbers or the kids who were stupid enough to link their parents on their FB accounts. I found numbers (or profiles) for almost everyone - in many cases, multiples.

Next up I compiled all the screen grabs into a nice little 1 page webpage highlighting the worst comments. People’s full names as listed on FB, essentially nothing that wasn’t already public information. I just aggregated it together into a cute little package. Of course, this included phone numbers as well. Links to the FB group and the comments were below every photo.

Now the fun starts. I begin calling the home phones of these kids one by one. A typical conversation went as follows with little deviation.
“Hi, is Mr or Mrs ___ available”.
“Hello”
“Hi there, do you have a son/daughter named ____ ”
“yes, who is this”..
“well, I’m a concerned internet user who’s come across some very disturbing comments your child posted about their high school teacher”
“oh, what?”
“Well, if you go to _______, I’ve put them all together with some links for you”
* parent views page *
“I.. uhh… I’m so sorry.”
“well, so you’re aware, I’m calling every parent with this same call. When I’m done, I’m submitting this to both the school board head office and the administration of the school”
“I’m so sorry my child did this…. Screams name of child - GET IN HERE NOW
“Thanks, try and have a good evening”

I didn’t get to find out the end details, but her mother obviously ended up finding out about the group, and the only info I got was that a “good handful” of the kids ended up getting suspended for between 1-5 days depending on what they said. That was great and all, but I’m sure the wrath the parents laid out was far worse. I smirked to myself throughout the entire thing knowing I was probably ruining these kids’ spring breaks (as it was the week before).

TL;DR: - Found a hate group on FB against my ex’s mom. Got a ton of kids suspended and told all their parents, which was really the most satisfying part of it all.

archiveofourown.org
Don't Stretch Your Luck - Chapter 1 - WackyGoofball - Game of Thrones (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 2/?
Fandom: Game of Thrones (TV), A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Characters: Jaime Lannister, Brienne of Tarth, Ros (Game of Thrones), Bronn of the Blackwater
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Romance, Awkward Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, JB banter, Alternate Universe - Yoga, Yoga, though I have no clue about yoga, so you have been warned, this is mere internet research yoga - at best, Alternate Universe - Sports, Oh and did I mention JB banter?, Jaime as a yoga teacher - Brienne as his apprentice, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, Just About Everything, it is known, I also have zero clues about kale smoothies, so many tags!


Summary:

When Brienne decided to see a doctor about her backpains, she hoped that he would come up with a solid treatment plan and be done.

Little did she know.

Because he recommendation for her is not at all what the young woman from Tarth had in mind.

Particularly because it involves an awkward reunion with a certain someone she met some time ago, under completely different circumstances, and on what she considers not necessarily friendly terms.

And that person is supposed to be her new trainer? In that sports activity of all sports activities? What?

I suck at summaries. Bye.

anonymous asked:

So imagine some fanficish shinanigans happen and the Scout that had just began drawing God n' Gabe comics on the internet gets mysteriously transported to present you while you're chilling at a con or something. What happens?

oh god i’d have a word or two but i wouldn’t be surprised

Anonymous said:

Are you my real dad?

well i certainly am now