oh internet what have you done

meetmyinnerdemons  asked:

Hi, I wanted to ask you if you know any fanfictions about Johnlock texting/letters/internet messages, something connected with that? :)

Hi Lovely!

I thought I didn’t have many of these, so I was so excited that I would be able to get this done in 10 minutes… it’s now 4 hours later and I finally got a rough list done for you and I STILL can’t find the one I wanted to add to this list! I’m so angry, because I THOUGHT it was an FFNet fic, but i can’t find it urg. Oh well. I hope you like what I have picked for you instead!

SEXTING / TEXTING:

  • Unquantifiable by 221b_hound (M, 2799 w, Ao3) - John remains a terrible and foul-tempered patient, but he does try to make up for it with pet names and text message silliness. In the meantime, Sally Donovan visits Baker Street for a hint about the Milverton case, and has to deal with a Sherlock Holmes who can’t find words big enough to thank her for saving John’s life at the warehouse. For afters, there’s a viewing of The Princess Bride. Part 33 of Unkissed
  • Happy anniversary by Salambo06 (E, 3772 w., Ao3) - John inhaled deeply, feeling his cock pulse under the silk gown, and he let his eyes travel on the lean body in front of him. Sherlock was kneeling on the bed, their bed, and the picture had been taken so John could perfectly see his bare chest and pelvis. But what mattered most, what made John harden rather quickly, was the pair of panties Sherlock was wearing in the picture. Black, string over each hip and laces that outlined Sherlock’s erect cock barely hidden under the soft underwear.
  • A Brand of Gold by aquabelacqua (M, 12,757 w. Ao3) - John sank deeper into the pillows, let the mist and blur of the wine settle around him, let it shore up his nerves and dim the warning signals that flashed dully in the back of his mind. He let the rest of the disappointment about Lucy and his strange accommodations and about the weekend as a whole fade into obscurity. He let the vital, missing piece snap into place as surely and as cleanly as if it had always been there. He was flirting with Sherlock Holmes. **MUST READ**
  • Come Home by hudders-and-hiddles(E, 3763, Ao3) -  When John leaves for a medical conference, Sherlock tries to entice him back home.
  • A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb  (E, 32,690, Ao3) John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX **MUST READ**
  • The Real Meaning of Idioms by feverishsea (T, 21,691 w., Ao3) - After two weeks away, John finally texts Sherlock. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to respond. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to keep texting him. And he really doesn’t expect things to spiral out of control so rapidly.
  • Bread and Wine and Curry Once a Week by cwb (E, 8737 w., Ao3) - "I am not agitated. I’m just tired of it. The insinuations, the comments, that I have no… no interest in relationships, or sex.“ John and Sherlock muddle through a relationship. **FAVE!**
  • Entanglement by orphan_account (G, 3218 w., Ao3)On Christmas Eve, snow covers London, John visits Harry, and Sherlock and Mrs. Hudson untangle some knots. Lovely pining Sherlock fic. Love this one!
  • Definitions by siennna (T, 101,528 w., Ao3)Throughout his life, Sherlock Holmes has always taken facts and held them close like treasures, because in a world of complex emotions, unpredictability, and the unknown, logic has never failed him. Puzzles can always be solved and equations will always have an answer; he seeks and finds comfort in the steady absolution of facts and the knowledge that everything has a definition: an unchanging, consistent meaning. However, at age thirty-five he discovers the exception to all of his neat, tidy logic when he meets John Watson, the one person who evades definition and refuses to be easily categorized—and who makes Sherlock question his own previously unshakeable ideas about everything from life to love. (Apparently a WiP, but it feel complete enough, as the “last chapter” has been waiting for over 2 years)
  • Tease You Till You Come by phoenix089 (E, 6090 w., Ao3) - Initially, Sherlock was rather put out by John’s lack of presence on the case. But then he starts to recieve pictures, several of them, of an unexpected nature. The case is forgotten rather quickly after that.
  • Text Me When It’s Over by immaculately-flawed (K+, 1K+ w., FFnet) - After the fall Sherlock starts writing texts to John. Of course, he never sends them… Until he does by accident. Post Reichenbach fic but not angsty.
  • Texts and Tea by JillianWatson1058 (K, 959 w., ffnet) - A John who is woken up at 2:30 in the morning is not a happy John. Sherlock, frankly, doesn’t care. He just wants his tea.
  • Message Not Sent by Queerasil (K, 762 w. ffnet) - Sherlock texts John after the fall and during the hiatus. The messages are sent, but never received. Sequel to WORDLOCKED, TSTM, and Wait, How Do You Play This Game Again?
  • Iunctum by Fudgyokra (K, 221 w., FFNet) - He stood still for a long time, staring not so much at the words he’d been sent, but at the signature that marked them: A simple ‘SH,’ neatly tucked at the close of the words ‘I’ve missed you.’” A 221B ficlet; Sherlock’s return from the fall.
  • The Art Of Communication by StillWaters1 (T, 2K+ w., FFNet) - Lestrade was used to getting odd, non sequitur texts from Sherlock. But when “John went out for milk” was followed by a terse “two hours ago,” Lestrade immediately understood three things: John was missing, Sherlock was quietly panicking, and this could all end very, very badly.

LETTERS / EPISTOLARY

  • Letters by Jenna Flare (T, 2K+ w., FFNet) - John leaves letters on Sherlock’s grave as a method of coping. Sherlock reads them every week. Sherlock/John, John/Mary. T for swearing. Post-Reichenbach
  • Letters From Beyond by LittleBabeBlue (K, 637 w., FFNet) - A letter for John was found in Sherlock’s coat after he jumped. Post-Reichenbach.
  • Dear John by starwarsfreak95 (T, 601 w. FFNet) - Not all Dear John letters are bad. Sherlock tries to explain to John why he did what he did and how much John means to him.
  • Pen Pals by WerewolfDoctor (K, 2K w., FFNet) - Most people don’t become pen pals by one of them writing a not-suicide note. Then again, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson have never exactly been normal, have they?
  • In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w., Ao3) - John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing…and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes… and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they’re both so very, very rubbish at talking.
  • There’s Something Living in These Lines by teahigh (orphan_account) - (M, 4676 w., Ao3) - Two men, complete opposites in almost every way, who speak only in letters and pages torn from books.
  • Correspondence by Cleo2010 (T, 8031 w., Ao3) – Sherlock’s been spirited away on a case for Mycroft. Part of the deal was that he and John could communicate via letter until the case was completed. Maybe the cliche is true, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Or perhaps something is growing on the feet in the fridge. Read their letters month by month. Written after series one.
  • White Blank Page by SarahCat1717 (M, 11,936 w., Ao3) – Post-fall, Sherlock is off eliminating Moriarty’s crime web. He finds he misses John. He can’t divulge that he still lives, but he placates his need to communicate with John and still feel a connection with him by sending him blank letters. But over time, this writing exercise lends itself to Sherlock exploring his feelings for his friend. What will happen when Sherlock returns to London and the man he has been “writing” to regularly for the past two years? NOT S3 compliant. Mary who?
  • Get It All in Writing by aceofhearts61 (T, 2423 w., Ao3) – Sherlock and John write each other love notes. Part 8 of A Love with No Name
  • and stand there at the edge of my affection by coloredink (G, 2683 w., Ao3)
  • Winter of Life by You_Light_The_Sky (T, 5178 w., Ao3) – It was an experiment, really. On Christmas, Sherlock wrote to Santa asking for a friend. He got a broken toy soldier instead. This is the story of how he finds him again and again.
  • Dear John by wendymarlowe (E, 3 Parts, 30,802 w. Ao3) – With Sherlock dead, John eventually (under duress) makes a profile on an online dating site. And falls into a long-distance relationship with an enigmatic partner who reminds him of Sherlock in all the right ways. (Hint: it turns out to be Sherlock.)

BLOGS / SCRAPBOOKS / JOURNALS

  • The Case of the Vanishing Blog by Hekateras (K+, 2K+ w., FFNet) - Sherlock is in it for the hunt. John is in it for the action. Even so, the events at the Pool leave a mark on both, unwilling as they are to admit it.
  • One-Way Mirror by StormyNight108 (K+, 830 w. FFNet) - Post-Reichenbach one-shot. It’s been months since the incident, where a man lost his best friend. Slowly but surely, John’s life is starting to turn up a little. That night, his blog is updated to share good news to his followers, and one anonymous commentator is quick to share his happiness. It’s about as close to his friend as he can get right now.
  • Don’t Go Without Me by MirabileLectu (T, 1K+ w. FFNet) - Deep in the recesses of the cluttered space under John’s bed, far from the prying eyes of nosy landladies, there is a box.
  • To Sleep, Perchance to Smother Your Flatmate with a Pillow by Linpatootie (G, 5308 w., Ao3) - Sherlock wants to conduct a sleep study of sorts. John contemplates smothering him with a pillow. Part 1 of Two Coffees One Black One with Sugar Please
  • Journal of Truths by Goddess_of_the_Night (T, 2317 w., Ao3) - When John escorts Sherlock back to Baker Street from the tarmac, he discovers a journal that Sherlock has kept secret…that he has kept secrets in. What he sees when he opens it is nothing like what he expected. He expected scrawling notes of observations, or maths equations, or drawings of plants…anything but what he actually finds: confessions.
  • You fit me, Sherlock Holmes by orphan_account (G, 10,077 w., Ao3) – An unfortunate series of events leads to John accepting being a part of Sherlock’s study in physical intimacy. As the days pass by, John realizes he might be in for more than he bargained for. He doesn’t entirely mind.
  • Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder by cypress_tree (E, 10,669 w., Ao3) – John helps Sherlock with an experiment: for an entire month, they are not allowed to touch each other and must remain at least one metre apart at all times.
  • The Great Sex Olympics of 221B by XistentialAngst (E, 58,611 w., Ao3) – John Watson thinks Sherlock Holmes should admit that he, Watson, is more of an expert on sex than Sherlock is. But Sherlock refuses to concede the point. He comes up with an experiment plan that will resolve the issue. The results will determine who wins the prize. But sometimes even the best thought-out scientific study has unexpected consequences.

POST-ITS / LISTS

  • I Believe In Sherlock Holmes by Cennis (K, 2+K w., FFNet)When John came to Baker Street one Sunday about six months after the funeral and found an elegant wooden cane, expensive-looking yet sturdy, stuffed away in the shoe cupboard, he began ‘blogging’ again. It began with post-it notes. POST-FALL.
  • In case of emergency by AlessNox (K, 520 w., FFNet) - Sherlock is charged with making a list of what supplies they would need in case of an emergency.
  • The Three-Word Tin Collection by TheBookshelfDweller (K, 1K+ w., FFNet) - What happens when Sherlock has to store the things he wants to say to John while deconstructing Moriarty’s web, but the Mind palace proves an inadequate place to store them?
  • 206 Reasons by whitchry9 (K+, 1K+, FFNet) - John won’t wake up, so Sherlock lists all the reasons why he should. Because he appears to be a bit besotted. How inconvenient.
  • Because Blah Blah Blah Happy by cwb (E, 4,578 w., Ao3) – John is entirely done with the milk situation and gives Sherlock a list of shit he’s pissed about. Sherlock sets out to make John happy. John is happy. Sherlock makes his own list. They are both very, very happy.
  • The Trouble With Being Subtle. by VictoryCandescence (NR, 5429 w., Ao3) - In which Sherlock experiments, John misinterprets, and everyone else stands back and waits for the light to turn on.
  • The Importance of Torn Papers by MyLittleCornerOfSherlock (G, 2427 w., Ao3) – Little things make a big difference, even little notes of thanks. Small reminders to show he cares.
  • Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish (M, 32,961 w., Ao3) – The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s ‘Heart of Darkness’, and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.” The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” One of these lists is not John Watson’s. If John Watson were to put what he really wanted in list form, to live in a land somewhere beyond ‘almosts’ now that Sherlock Holmes has indeed returned to him, he would never be able to look his flatmate in the eye ever again.
  • See Recipe for Details by pandoras_chaos (E, 4,981, Ao3) – John knows Sherlock’s mouth will never water over the sweet smells of baking chocolate biscuits or a lovely roast chicken, but he’s watched Sherlock nick mince pies out of Mrs. Hudson’s fridge often enough to deduce that the man does have taste, albeit confusing and obscure.
    So John makes a list: Things Sherlock Likes

And I have a few on my Marked For Later List which also have this theme. I HAVE NOT READ THEM, so I don’t know what they are like; I was waiting for them to finish before I do. As well, Alexx has a tonne of lists you can check out too!

10

Scribble: Hey, you guys asked to see it!!

Tomattordedd: No, Edd two bleach my eyes with anted to see it.

Tomattordedd: I didn’t know it was going to be THIS!!!

Tomattordedd: Oh my God this is going to look SO good on tumblr.

Tomattordedd: TOM DON’T YOU DARE-.. Wait. Was the camera on this whole time??

Tomattordedd: I sure hope so!

Tomattored: Hey, at least it’s better than Tomtord.

Tomattordedd: I think I’m going to bleach my eyes out now…

Scribble: Y’know what? I’m just gonna delete this.

Brought to you by scribble tom, the little shipper thanks to the internet.

You Said a Mouthful

MSR || S7 || Smuttish || For @leiascully and @xfficchallenges dialogue challenge!


‘I’ve been thinking Mulder… Maybe we should start digitising our files - oh don’t look at me like that! At least hear me out before you start shouting internet conspiracy theories?’

‘Hmmm.’

‘I don’t mean the the sensitive stuff, just our reference materials. I don’t have your memory and being able to cross reference weird bite marks, unusual weapons, small towns with cannibal corporations without having to remember where they are in your crazy system - OW - you know it’s crazy’

‘…’

‘Imagine how much time we’d save for… other things… if we could just tap in “giant proboscis”  and call up what we needed. How many hours we could- Mulder? No don’t stop I’m not done!’

‘Scully. My tongue can’t do this kind of delicate work when my mind is occupied with office minutiae, and my libido and the word “proboscis” don’t seem to get along. I thought you wanted me to distract you?’

‘I did! I just…’

‘Scully. Tell me you didn’t ply me with oral sex during a case just so you could try to talk me into upgrading our files?’

‘I… just figured maybe I had a better chance of finishing my pitch if you had your mouth full!’

SCULLY’

‘Mulder. You are a paranoid stick in the mud.’

‘And you are in violation of not only several FBI fraternisation guidelines, which you have previously upheld even on my birthday! Not to mention our personal rule #1 - Do not let personal relationship interfere with X-Files work.’

‘But Mulder-’

‘Uh-uh! My turn to talk now I think. I should be very hurt by your cruel misuse of my famously pouty lower lip and boyish need to please… but as I enjoyed it I think I can find it in me to forgive you.’

‘You’re a true Christian martyr Mulder.’

‘Except I only worship at the altar of Dana Scully… but I do think what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. How about you see what you can do to recover Mulder junior from his proboscis related downfall while I argue my side of the digital debate, and then afterwards we’ll see about working our way to a mutually enjoyable compromise?’

‘Hmmph.’

‘Shhh Scully. Didn’t anyone anyone ever tell you it’s rude to talk with your mouth full?’

‘You have one minute until I start biting.’

‘Hackers Scully. Technology is advancing at a -fuck! You know what? We can finish this conversation late-OH!’

"it really pisses me off when people shit on Ian and Anissa's relationship, they're obviously happy"

Seriously…. Shut the fuck up. The ones acting all noble like you’re above the bitter feelings, When in reality y'all just think he’s gonna give you a gold fucking star for kissing his and his girlfriend’s ass.

You know nothing of thier relationship. So stop assuming shit constantly.

“Oh they’re so goals!!!”
BITCH HOW??

Ian’s done a pretty good job of keeping his private life private, she might answer some tweets but that’s the most you nosy obsessive motherfuckers are gonna get. We don’t know what happens behind the scenes with them.

“We have to be supportive of him!!”
So like his fucking videos, that’s seriously the only thing you can do. Idk bout y'all but I really doubt Ian’s reading all the tweets and comments worried about how some loser ass internet kids feel about his personal life.

And if you don’t like Anissa THATS OKAY TOO
You don’t have to like someone for the sole fact that they’re dating one of your favorite YouTubers!

If you like Anissa COOL MAN
Watch her stream! Follow her insta!

If you only like Anissa because she’s dating Ian, educate yourself. Go watch some of her shit, get a feel for her and then decide if you really like her.

RFA + V and Saeran reacting to an MC whose an ex porn star ( lmao )

//this is crack because I couldn’t take it seriously oh my god also gif warning!

NSFW

Zen:


Originally posted by dxsobedient

- what

- you… did what exactly?

- I mean let’s be honest here Zen hasn’t always done “ the best ” things for money but

- porn?? like actual porn on the Internet?? are you out of your mind??

- ,,, he does watch it

- I mean it’s done and over with but holy shit he’s like … my pure angel .. is no longer pure ..

Jumin:


Originally posted by youoctopimythoghts

- ??

- why would you do this you can never live this down

- how many people have seen this arrest them all

- pays so much money to get that taken down from every site imaginable

- he’s forgiving I mean it was your past but w h y

- “Elizabeth the 3rd would have never done this MC. ”

Yoosung:

Originally posted by internetcultleader

- need I say more?

Seven:


Originally posted by sakurarules

- he already knew he went deep into the stalking

- has he watched it multiple times? yes

- down w/ it he doesn’t care honestly it’s done and over with now you’re all his ~~

- actually might make some with you but it won’t go up anywhere he can’t have that on him on top of everything else

V:


Originally posted by gurl

- well shit

- he doesn’t really know what to say

- just kinda awkwardly sits there because he’s never met someone who’s done things even near that

- at least that he knows of.. looking at you Seven..

- “ well.. i’m sure god will forgive you MC. ”

- tries to stay positive even though he’s screaming inside oh god he can’t believe he’s in a relationship with a porn star he’s turned on and terrified at the same time



Saeran:

Originally posted by justalittletumblweed

– ok

- he doesn’t really care just shrugs it off

- you’re not even mad?

- no why would I be

- you show him and he’s like ,, hm ,, interesting..

- MC thats a lot of dicks

- how’d you fit them in there holy shit

- shocked but very impressed. 

Technology master Bakura is fine and dandy and all

But I’m more of a fan of the idea that 3000-5000 years stuck in a ring caused Bakura to have the ultimate case of technologically illiterate grandma

For example

“Marik why can’t I go on the Internet”

“Because your laptop is updating”

“What does that have to do with anything”

“It’s updating. You have to wait until it’s done.”

“Wait. I’ll just turn it off and on. That usually works.”

“Bakura no!”

“wHY IS IT BEEPING AT ME???”

“BECAUSE YOU- oh, forget it.”

Jikook Internet Friends AU 18

masterlist


Where Jimin watches an horror movie

Oh, god. I don’t even know how all of you still like this istg this is terrible lmao. A lil bit of namjin 4 my namjin homies. buttcheeks. oh, god. hope u enjoyed that. I always notice hardcore grammar mistakes when it’s done ahhh sorry for that my English is trash. Pd. Let i love u sm. I accept requests so if u have one or just want to say something (whenever u want I’m always here 4 y’all lovely people), go ahead!

Sorry for the small mistakes and I hope you like it!

anonymous asked:

So imagine some fanficish shinanigans happen and the Scout that had just began drawing God n' Gabe comics on the internet gets mysteriously transported to present you while you're chilling at a con or something. What happens?

oh god i’d have a word or two but i wouldn’t be surprised

Anonymous said:

Are you my real dad?

well i certainly am now

anonymous asked:

lololol you're such a hypocrite. "Oh, don't spread lies about other users" when the tjlc crowd has literally bullied, abused, doxxed, and attacked a ton of people just for the audacity of shipping another ship. Yeah, that's what you're part of. But you're the victim here ;~; poor you. It's the internet. People are going to talk shit about you. You only look stupid when you give them your attention.

ohhh my god i have gone over this already so many times:

  • i know tjlcers can be shitty. i do. i was here in 2013.
  • that doesnt mean i agree with any of it (i’ve publicly criticized such behavior in the past)
  • that doesnt mean i DO it. (<this is what would make me a hypocrite, not being in the same room with those who do)
  • that doesnt mean those few people represent the entire community (ever heard of christianity? those guys have lots of problems with bigoted extremists, but somehow there are still good people who follow the beliefs)
  • we’re allowed to continue believing despite those people just as much as others were allowed to stop because of them.
  • i think tjlcshafdkjs and co. actually have some good points, and i think they have the potential to make some good headway with exposing the more problematic/irrational parts of the fandom if:
  • #1 they didn’t post under the name/with the intentions of “schadenfreude” and
  • #2 they didn’t scour the tjlc tag for material (which the worst of the tjlcers dont actually use) and
  • #3 they were more mature and respectful in the way they present their opinions and looked into the posts that are submitted to double check that they are being interpreted the way the ops intended them to be.

insulting people behind their backs is bullying, and ignoring bullies doesn’t make them just go away.

Don't be a sh*thead online.

One of my ex girlfriends had a mother who was a high school teacher. She was the sweetest thing, although was also a total pushover. For this story’s sake, we’ll call her Margaret Jones.

When I’d visit my ex, this woman almost wouldn’t leave me alone, constantly “Can I get you something to eat?”, “We had dinner earlier, can I warm something up for you”, “OH! I remember you like this hot sauce, so I picked some up for you and it’s in the cupboard - here, I’ll show you where so you can use it when you would like!”. Total sweetheart.

Now, I can’t particularly vouch for how she was as a science teacher, but I can only imagine she was probably overrun by sh*tty high school students who made her life hell. She probably had a hard time controlling the class in many situations. She just wasn’t all that assertive.

One day my ex calls me “Holy f*ck, you have to see this Facebook group!”, and sends me the link. It’s titled “Mrs. Jones Is A Cunt HAHAHA” and has somewhere around 60 members, all high school students talking sh*t about this poor women, how they make her life hell and what they’ve done / said to her, etc. Of course, my ex is deeply saddened because her mom is being slagged online. At this same time my ex was completing her Masters in university majoring in psychology. Her thesis was on bullying among teens. How ironic. My ex insists she contact Facebook to get it taken down. I told her no. Let me see what I can do first. This caused a bit of a fight between her and I as I’m one for teaching people a lesson, while she wanted to sweep it under the rug so her mom wouldn’t find out and it’d just go away. Further, she didn’t like “eye for an eye” mentality.

First, I screenshot every conversation, every comment, every photo - just in case it went away somehow. I then wrote down every name, made a nice little excel file with them all and began my quest. Seeing as I knew where all these kids lived (well, the general region) I began to search out phone numbers or the kids who were stupid enough to link their parents on their FB accounts. I found numbers (or profiles) for almost everyone - in many cases, multiples.

Next up I compiled all the screen grabs into a nice little 1 page webpage highlighting the worst comments. People’s full names as listed on FB, essentially nothing that wasn’t already public information. I just aggregated it together into a cute little package. Of course, this included phone numbers as well. Links to the FB group and the comments were below every photo.

Now the fun starts. I begin calling the home phones of these kids one by one. A typical conversation went as follows with little deviation.
“Hi, is Mr or Mrs ___ available”.
“Hello”
“Hi there, do you have a son/daughter named ____ ”
“yes, who is this”..
“well, I’m a concerned internet user who’s come across some very disturbing comments your child posted about their high school teacher”
“oh, what?”
“Well, if you go to _______, I’ve put them all together with some links for you”
* parent views page *
“I.. uhh… I’m so sorry.”
“well, so you’re aware, I’m calling every parent with this same call. When I’m done, I’m submitting this to both the school board head office and the administration of the school”
“I’m so sorry my child did this…. Screams name of child - GET IN HERE NOW
“Thanks, try and have a good evening”

I didn’t get to find out the end details, but her mother obviously ended up finding out about the group, and the only info I got was that a “good handful” of the kids ended up getting suspended for between 1-5 days depending on what they said. That was great and all, but I’m sure the wrath the parents laid out was far worse. I smirked to myself throughout the entire thing knowing I was probably ruining these kids’ spring breaks (as it was the week before).

TL;DR: - Found a hate group on FB against my ex’s mom. Got a ton of kids suspended and told all their parents, which was really the most satisfying part of it all.

2

oh HEY 💥✨

sooo after a long old tumblr hiatus (this involved deleting and remaking, which I should not have done because goodbye 10,000 followers, but you live and learn) I’m BACK! and I’m excited to make this a cute lil space I’m happy with, rather than a sad little corner of the internet which exists solely to welcome trolls into my life. I’m gonna post exactly what I damn well please and be far more liberal with the block button. 😈

I’m now going to be posting more personal stuff, as well as answering advice questions again (because I genuinely do love doing this for you guys), but I won’t really be reblogging anything – I want this to be a space just for me, like an online diary/journal. 

there will be more emphasis on photos, because the blogs I most like to read have image-led posts with visual snapshots from their lives. and in my posts I’ll be updating you guys on:

  • career: mainly updates on my writing, books, day job and random mentoring projects, plus advice and guidance for those of you who need a little help in your own careers. also, as you can maybe tell by my snazzy new headshots, I have some big news to share over the summer, so stay tuned for that!
  • food & baking: most of you know by now that the kitchen is my happy place, so I’ll be sharing all the delicious stuff I’m eating and drinking
  • sport & fitness: this will mainly focus on my half-marathon training, which has not started yet, plus lifting updates as I continue my mission to be strong as hell
  • hobbies & creativity: as you know I participate in roughly 203,491 activities per week. last year was theatre and tennis, this year I’m getting into photography and potentially rock climbing
  • politics & other musings on the world: I have a lot of ideas and opinions, which I’m going to be more open in sharing with you all (I censored myself a lot on my last blog for fear of being trolled, but it’s time to put on my big girl pants and share what’s on my mind)
  • fashion & my face: you guys seem to inexplicably enjoy the clothes I wear, and I recently learned how to properly put makeup on my face, so I’ll share these with you, as well as life/fashion/beauty hacks I swear by
  • books & reading recommendations: after a challenging 2016 I’ve rediscovered my love of books, so I’ll be sharing my TBR pile and posting mini reviews of my favourites

so yeah, I’m so happy to be back! for the handful of you who’ve found my blog again, I would LOVE it if you could spread the word that I’ve remade. I’m trying desperately to remember all the people I was following before, but I’m sure tons have fallen through the cracks! I miss you guys! 💖💖💖

and now’s time to make a cuppa and dive headfirst into my dash in an attempt to catch up on everything I’ve missed. wish me luck!! ✌🏻 

NERVE starters

‘ I haven’t found the right time to tell her. ’

‘ thank you, i love you, i’ll see you in a little bit. ’

‘ (name) doesn’t have to care, (name) has a trust fund. ’

‘ I don’t want space, I just want you. ’

‘ he put peanut butter on his junk and let his dog lick it off. ’

‘ I don’t expect you to understand. I’m an adrenaline junkie, you like to stay within your comfort zone, that’s fine. ’

‘ what about that pole dancing class we took ? ’

‘ why are you attacking her ? ’

‘ life is passing you by, you need to learn to take a few risks every once in a while. ’

‘ alright, you’ve been dared. do you accept your dare, (name) ? ’

‘ nah, she’s not my type. ’

‘ you are not nearly as hot as you think you are. ’

‘ look I spend a lot of time on the dark web, okay ? ’

‘ kiss a stranger for five seconds ? ’

‘ make a choice, the clock is ticking. ’

‘ – and I’m sorry that I’m totally geeking out and ruining the story. ’

‘ where did he go ? ’

‘ that was some kiss. ’

‘ does he always tell you what to do ? ’

‘ I’m gonna be outside, if you change your mind. ’

‘ you know, Charles Manson was a singer too ! ’

‘ I was hoping you’d come. ’

‘ I’m just warning you, I don’t think I’d make a very good partner. ’

‘ I’m not the daredevil type. ’

‘ the second I feel uncomfortable, I’m out. ’

‘ please let me fart on you ! ’

‘ hey, try screaming ! ’

‘ hey, what’s your email number – I mean your, uh, what’s your info ? ’

‘ alright, how about my first born son too ? ’

‘ are these stolen ? ’

‘ dolla dolla bill yo ! ’

‘ have you ever parallel parked a car in your life ? ’

‘ she’s doing what she apparently thinks is best for herself. ’

‘ I don’t think that (name) can handle this, I’m actually really worried about her. ’

‘ get your ass to this party and help me okay ? ’

‘ okay, just, please no fire-breathing dragons, or knives. No clowns, no snakes, no skeletons. ’

‘ what about this: just a tattoo of my dad ? he’s gorgeous, honestly, he’s a nice looking guy. ’

‘ I’m laughing ‘cause it’s good. ’

‘ hey you have to trust us. ’

‘ hold on I’m just doing the Y in ‘daddy’. ’

‘ hey, hey, stay with me, stay with me. ’

‘ he would laugh so hard if he saw me getting a tattoo right now. ’

‘ boom ! I am done. you go to that mirror and you celebrate my work. ’

‘ well did you try google ? ’

‘ I’m not gonna buy guns or something. ’

‘ (name) ! no ! not happening ! ’

‘ they’re asking if I can trust you. can I ? ’

‘ I have the perfect tattoo picked out for you ! ’

‘ don’t do anything dumb, dummy. ’

‘ oh god, I love the internet. ’

‘ there is no way in hell I am doing that ! ’

‘ say yes, just say yes. ’

‘ just keep your eyes open. ’

‘ hey, I know you’re scared but you’ve gotta talk to me, (name). ’

‘ that is the craziest thing I have ever done ! you are incredible ! ’

‘ you guys don’t need to be afraid, because I’m not afraid. ’

‘ just give me a real dare. ’

‘ maybe we could … team up ? ’

‘ how would I know if I’m being hacked ? ’

‘ (name), what are you not telling me ? ’

‘ some things happened that I wish turned out differently. ’

‘ this is just kinda something I need to do. ’

‘ if you want to talk about it, i’m here. happy to listen. ’

‘ I’m just tired of being her sidekick all the time. ’

‘ she’s at this party, mostly likely drunk and needs me to hold her hair back. ’

‘ stop yelling at me ! stop ! ’

‘ you guys are SO famous right now ! ’

‘ oh, come on, (name), you never even spoke to him. ’

‘ it’s fine. certainly no surprise. ’

‘ you know what’s not fine ? I almost died tonight, (name), and you were nowhere to be found. ’

‘ I’m sorry, when you said I should live my life did you mean I should live it in your shadow ? ’

‘ it is time to get over her, clearly she has traded up. ’

‘ why do you have to be such a bitch ? ’

‘ oh, look at that! little (name) finally speaking her mind ! ’

‘ you’re one of those girls who peaks in high school. ’

‘ we control your life. we control your family. we control your future. ’

‘ they’re onto us ! ’

‘ do you really want one of us to die tonight ? ’

‘ you are now an accessory to murder. ’

‘ she’s a badass. take care of her. ’

let’s chat 19

I thought you all should know.

Tomorrow I have to turn in my final English portfolio. I’ve been working my ass off on it for ages and I’m only just now finishing it up. Believe me, the stress level is through the roof.

So part of what we could put in the portfolio is a dedication page. I wanted to share with you a little snippit of what I wrote:

All my Internet friends, especially Tanis and Kady. Thanks for cheering me on even though you’re all miles and miles away. It’s cool to know you’re all supporting everything I do.

I know it’s not much, and I know it’s just for a silly little assignment and not like a published book, but I wanted to put you guys in there. I thanked everybody else in my life who’s helped me out this year, and you all have been a big part of my freshman year too (literally, you’ve been here since month two. You’ve seen it all). It was only fitting to give you guys a little shout out.

Honestly, thank you all so much for standing by my side this year. You know it has not been easy. I’ve been homesick and picked on and in a constant state of 82% done. Your simple words of encouragement on anon or on reblogs or in my private messages have done more for me than you’ll ever know. I love you ALL so much.

Thank you, a million times over xx

@tizniz @cursivesugg

Imagine Request - Moving Forward

An imagine where Justin asks Y/N to move with him to a new house he just has bought

Looking at Justin, you saw him fumbling with his fingers as he looked as though he couldn’t stand still. Your eyebrows furrowed at the sight.

“Everything okay, baby?” You kept your state on him, your voice laced with confusion.

“What? Oh, yeah. Everything’s cool.” His head snapped up to look at you, he nodded his head and smiled weakly.

But you weren’t convinced. “Something’s wrong.” You pouted slightly.

He sighed deeply before coming to sit down next to you on the couch. “I may or may not have done something stupid.”

“Did you post a picture of your ass on the Internet again?” You groaned, remembering how he eventually felt after that incident.

No,” He scoffed. “I wanna ask you something.” He chewed on his bottom lip nervously.

“Okay?” You sat forward, becoming uneasy at how he was acting all of a sudden.

“I was wondering, if uh, I was wondering if you wanna move in together?” He stuttered as he looked at your face for any sign of confirmation.

“Are you serious?” Your jaw dropped as you stared at him.

“Yeah, I was thinking and I realised I want to be the one you wake up to every morning and the one who makes you breakfast and I’m just so in love with the idea of living with you.” He cheesed as he gleamed at you cutely.

“I would love for us to live together!” You exclaimed, wrapping your arms around his neck and jumping onto his lap.

“Really? You don’t think it’s too soon or anything?” He rested his face happily on your shoulder, his arms tightening around yours every passing minute.

“Of course not, I think we’re totally ready for this.” You smiled widely at the thought of living with Justin and being able to see him when you woke up every morning.

“We could have a house that isn’t too small but it isn’t too huge, and it’d have a huge ass garden with trees overlooking it, and you can have a whole room just for your clothes and everything. Whatever you want.” Your eyes watered at his words, they threatened to fall as he brushed his thumb against your cheek.

“Justin, that sounds perfect; like anything I’ve ever wanted.” You sniffled quietly as you chuckled at your emotions.

“Good, because it’s exactly what we’re getting.” He grinned at you.

“What? How?”

“This was what I meant when I said I might have done something stupid,” He laughed as he got comfortable on the couch. “I bought the house before even asking you, I just saw it and fell in love. I knew you would too.” He smiled up at you once again.

“How did you know?” You were shocked to say the least, how long had he been waiting to ask?

“Baby, we have similar, if not the exact same taste. It’s one reason why I love you.”

He leaned forward, pressing his lips against your cheek.

You smiled as you became fully aware that you were moving in with the love of your life, something you’d dreamed of doing since you were a young girl.

Losing You

Summary: Y/N makes a wrong judgement and has to fix it, but will Roman give her the chance to?

________


I should have been used to it by now, but I wasn’t. Having a boyfriend whose life I shared with the public definitely had its drawbacks. The biggest was coping with rumours or just news about him spreading around the world. Sometimes I found out things after everyone else, which sucked because I always preferred to hear it from his mouth, but timezones were fucking us up and that was simply beyond his control.

This one, one of many, I wish I hadn’t read so late before bed. I was feeling down and out already, feeling sorry for myself, but now I had a legitimate reason to be mad and cry.

“Roman Reigns and Sasha Banks get cosy at WWE’s Royal Rumble afterparty…” the news read.

I didn’t need to read on, the pictures alone were telling. At the party, Roman and Sasha sat closely, smiling into her phone and her arm around him at one point as they took a selfie.

Then there were two more, one of them was blurry; but their figures stood outside the party venue. Roman towering over her and saying something in her ear. The last, they seemed to be heading somewhere, Roman following behind her.

“The WWE stars were last seen leaving the party, a source disclosed that they were heading back to his hotel.”

I didn’t sleep that night, tossing and turning as those pictures came to life in my head, playing like videos. I wanted answers, I wanted to speak to him, but I knew he was asleep. I shouldn’t have cared so much then; why should he sleep peacefully whilst I struggled?

I reached for my phone and scrolled through for his number. If we could call each other at 4am to speak and flirt for hours, then I could sure as hell call him at 2-something to confront him.

There was no answer the first time, I tried again. If he wasn’t going to answer, then heck, I was going to harass Dean or all his friends until I got a hold of him.

“Hu…llo?” He answered groggily.

“It’s me,”

“M…m..mh?”

“Roman!”

“Whaaat..?” He replied sleepily.

“Wake up,”

“I’m sleeping.”

“Not anymore,” I scoffed. “Is it true?” I dove straight in.

“Yeah it’s true, speak to you tomorrow-” he said dismissively. He didn’t have a clue what I was talking about; he just wanted to go back to bed.

“No, is it true what I read in the papers?”

“What?”

“You and Sasha?”

“What about me and Sasha?” He sounded confused. I didn’t buy it.

“You know what I’m talking about, don’t play dumb. You and Sasha at that party,”

“Y/N, are you drunk?” he asked hesitantly.

I read it before somewhere that cheaters always displaced the blame on the other person, or put the focus on something else. And he was trying to do that, like I was stupid.

“No, I’m not fucking drunk! I’m asking you; is there something between you and her? Did you take her to your hotel?”

“No, what the fuck? Listen, where did you get this from?”

“It’s in the papers, magazines, internet…social media,”

“Oh of course, we believe what they write now? Okay, well you ask them since they know and you trust them.”

“I saw the pictures,”

“Okay, then there’s your answer,” he said stubbornly.

Bastard.

Fuck him.

“I’m going to bed I’m not entertaining your shit at this time,” he spat angrily.

“Don’t - if you fucking hang up this phone, we’re done Roman. I mean it.”

He paused. “I think we were done from the moment you accused me of cheating. Have a nice life, we’re done.”

“ROM-”

Motherfucker.

“Thank heaven you’re here, he’s been a nightmare since you two supposedly broke-up. Please talk sense into him,” Jey, his cousin, his confidant and best friend said to me, greeting me backstage at the show along with his brother, Jimmy.

“Right? He’s just biting everyone’s head off for no reason,” Jimmy added.

I’d arranged it with the twins behind his back to come to the show to talk to Roman. I missed him. The last week had been hell. I wanted clarification, or closure, I wanted answers. And if we were breaking up, I didn’t want to go out the way we did last week. I wanted it to be amicable, I still loved him. Really though, it was bullshit, I wasn’t ready to let him go. I’d come to fight my corner. Fight for him so to speak.

“On a scale of 1-10, how mad is he at me?”

“I’m about on 20, off the radar,” his voice was unmistakable.

The room went silent, tense. I looked down nervously, playing with my hands in my lap.

“What’re you doing here?” He asked. “We’re done remember? I don’t want you here.”

“Aye, Jimmy, let’s go grab a drink,” Jey suggested in hopes to escape this dreary scenery.

“No I’m okay, I’ll wait for you,”

“No, let’s go grab a drink,” Jey repeated firmly between clenched teeth, trying to pass on the hint.

Jimmy kissed his teeth and stood up grudgingly. “We’ll be back in a minute, y'all want a drink?”

Roman didn’t answer. I could only imagine his face.

“Y/N?” Jimmy asked.

“I’m-”

“She’s not staying,” Roman spoke for me.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I didn’t come here to see you,” I changed tactics.

I finally turned around to face him and he was seething. His expression was dark and sinister; I wondered what he’d have said to me had his cousins not been around.

“Aye bro, please, let’s just go,” Jey insisted with frustration.

“We don’t-”

“Jimmy please! Get the fuck outta here?”

“Rude! See what I mean he’s been so bitchy lately?” Jimmy complained to me as Jey led the way out. “I’m only going cos you said ‘please’ Romeo.”

“I don’t want you here,” he said finally when our company had disappeared.

Like a thousand sharp knives in my chest, those words hurt when he repeated them. I didn’t want to cry in front of him either,besides, I’d done plenty of that the last week, so I held my head up high.

“Did you hear what I said-”

“Yes! I fucking heard you Roman, but I’m not going anywhere.”

“What do you want from me? Don’t play games with me, I’m not in the mood. One minute I’m cheating, the next we’re done, now you’re here…what do you want?”

“Don’t raise your voice at me, I’m not a child,”

He glared at me, a stone cold expression.

“And don’t look at me like that to intimidate me like you do your peers in the ring, I’m not one of them,”

He said nothing, but his face softened slightly. He was starting to crack. The bricks on his walls falling off one by one.

“You need to go,” he said calmly, quietly.

“No, I’m not going,” I stood my ground.

“That’s what you think, y'know what? You better be gone by the time I’ve done my segment. I have no problem getting security on you, you can deal with that harassment lawsuit when it comes,”

It was so serious and tense, but I almost laughed at that statement. He was being petty and dramatic, and I could start to see through him. He was torn between trying to stay mad and being happy to see me. I felt the same, I leaned more towards the latter however.

“You’d really do that to me?” I used my sweet voice. “Don’t be dirty,”

He shrugged and flashed a killer sarcastic smile, the one designed to haunt your thoughts.

“I’ve been called worse: a liar…bastard…cheater. Sticks and stones baby.” he repeated the words I’d thrown at him angrily on the phone.

“Well, I had reasons to at the time,”

“Oh, so you’ve changed your opinion of me? I’m so glad,” he mastered sarcasm so well.

I began crossing the room to meet him, he started backing away subtly.

“No, you’re gonna change it, tell me what’s going on with you and Sasha?”

Now I had him backed against the wall, literally and metaphorically. He rolled his eyes and puffed a breath of air, running his hand through his hair. I missed playing with it.

“You tell me,” he said.

I didn’t take the bait. I just looked at him. He looked at me. We just looked at each other, a fight to see who’d crack first.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, his head against the wall.

“I saw the pictures,” he said in his normal conversational tone. “I get it, they are very convincing, but it was literally just me and her chilling, as I was with Naomi, Rene, Cameron - y'know? Someone just thought those pictures were worth a story, without even thinking or caring about how that impacts me…or you. It’s about a story, money, and entertaining people who care enough about what I do in my private time. And I was hurt that you believed it, I know I haven’t been home much, but I’m with you here,”

He pointed to his chest.

“You occupy my every thought, even when I’m across the world. I don’t think about other women, I don’t care to. I’m with you. I’m yours in every way possible, mind, body and spirit.”

“Why didn’t you say all this before?”

“Because I was angry that you doubted me,”

“But if you told me this earlier, I’d have listened. I needed to hear that,”

“You called me at 2am, no one’s reasonable at that time,”

“What about after? I was scared I’d lost you, I wasn’t sleeping, I couldn’t stop crying-”

“You were crying?” He asked with remorse in his eyes. I immediately regretted mentioning it, it broke him. He hated seeing me cry, let alone knowing of it and not being there to comfort me. “I didn’t mean to make you cry,”

“It’s okay, I was wrong. I jumped to conclusions, I’m the one that should apologise, that’s why I came here. I was being unreasonable, but I wish you reached out to me too. I’m sorry for being so pissy and dramatic,”

He pulled me closer, closing the gap between us.

“That’s us sweetie, we’re dramatic,” he smiled, holding me at the waist. “We are hotheads, we’re imperfect, we’re flawed…but we are us, and I love us.”

I giggled, smiling against his lips as he lent down for a kiss.

“I love us too,” I said, before he engulfed me into a full kiss.

“When I finish my match I can prove to you how much you mean to me,” he said with a dark tone, his eyes piercing into mine, lust firing them. “Show you that I’m yours,”

He took my hand, placed my palm flat against his chest, “It’s yours,” he said. He trailed my hand lower, kept going until it rested on his groin area. “It’s all yours,”

I felt warm and delighted, the tension alleviated off my shoulders, the stress and worry of losing him vanished. I had him back.

No, actually, he’d never left. I’d never lost him. He was right here. Always. As usual.

2

X-mas present for reetsukado

Author: the glorious blamethewolf :DD
Artist: chofee

Merry Christmas Ree :D

“I don’t even know why Scott thinks US TWO have to bond. Out of the whole ragtag pack we get along the best, if I may say so,” Stiles continues complaining like he has for the last 30 minutes.

Derek just trails along and wags his tail.

“Maybe he’s too blind with his love for Allison or whatever not, but the rest of them is so much worse. They can’t even decide what movie to watch without having a wrestling match.”

Derek huffs in agreement.

Keep reading

Today, I fucked up... by being the smoothest motherfucker of all time

I’m a guy in my 20s and I don’t flirt. I’m not one of those guys who can come up and deliver a pick-up line with a straight face, or ask a girl out. I get way too embarrassed and blushy. For whatever reason, I have this irrational fear that someone should think I’m hitting on them.So I just don’t flirt. EVER.

Anyways, I was staying with my mom for the weekend and she asked me to go get groceries for dinner, as she had just gotten back from work and was exhausted. I was happy to do it as she was buying. No big deal right? WRONG, BUT WHO COULD FORESEE WHAT WAS TO COME?

So I drive to the market, collect the groceries, and pretty soon I’m looking to check out. I get in the only checkout lane available and immediately see that the cashier is very…very pretty. Too pretty for me to handle. I quickly whip around in search of another lane open, but there were none. I gather myself and think,‘YOU CAN DO THIS. DO IT FOR YOUR MOTHER.’

So accepting my fate, I strategize the most plain and standard transaction possible between her and me. 'Stick to what you know’ I thought to myself.

Before long it was my time to shine. I presented her with my groceries for scanning and proceeded to fumble around with my wallet (this was pretty much the entire plan). All was going extremely well and we were even getting along with enthusiastic dialogue such as (her:) “Did you find everything ok?” and (me:) “Yes”. Then she hit me with a question that, in my calculated strategy, I had forgotten to plan for…

“Do you have an express card with us that you’d like to use?”

“No, but I have a phone number for one” is what I found myself saying. It was an instinctive, reactionary response. I gave her my phone number while still absent-mindedly fiddling with my wallet.

A moment passed.

“…I’m sorry sir, that phone number isn’t coming up in our system…”

My mind clicked. Not my phone number, my mom’s phone number. My mother. My mothers credit card. I was about to present a woman’s credit card after trying to get a discount with a wrong number. 'This looks really bad’ I thought to myself.

So I turned to her, as casually as humanly possible, and said,“Oh, that’s my cell phone number”

This pause was longer, so long I looked up, and in her face I saw the comprehension. In her mind, I just pulled the smoothest shit in the history of shit. I was the coolest of cool in her eyes: giving her my phone number in the slyest of ways. She started to smile and this is when I realized what I’d done. She looked at me realizing how cool I was and I looked at her realizing how cool she thought I was.

Obviously, like all smooth people, I freaked the fuck out.

“OH, NO, IM SORRY DON’T USE THAT NUMBER, YOU… I HAVE ANOTHER NUMBER, NOT MINE, MY MOMS, I HAVE A MOM.”

I paid for the food and I got outta that store as fast as possible - leaving the cashier in a haze of confusion as I furiously fast walked away - destined never to be smooth again.

Check out more TIFUs: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

So I sent my mom ‘smh’ and she asked me what that meant so I said it’s internet language, you’re too old for that
Now she’s making up all these abbreviations, sending them to me
Oh god. What have I done